Frasier Season 5 Episode 16 Beware Of Greeks
Frasier Season 5 Episode 16 Beware Of Greeks
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Well, that's all the time we have for this afternoon, Seattle.
00:04This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you good afternoon.
00:08And good mental health.
00:11Frasier, if I ask your opinion about something,
00:14will you give me an honest answer,
00:16and not just tell me what you think I want to hear?
00:18Absolutely, Ross. Anytime.
00:20All I have to do is ask.
00:27I knew it.
00:29Oh, no, no, Ross. I'm just kidding.
00:31I love it.
00:32Really?
00:33Yes, it looks great.
00:34Are you sure?
00:35Trust me.
00:36Okay.
00:37It's just, in my condition, I'm just a little insecure.
00:40You know, every time I see something cute in the window,
00:43I remember how I look, and I think, no way.
00:47Here we go again.
00:50Gosh, that's my cousin.
00:52Nikos, what are you doing here?
00:54I was in the neighborhood.
00:55I thought I'd stop by.
00:56It's great to see you.
00:58It's been ages.
00:59Oh, here, I'd like you to meet my producer, Ross Doyle.
01:01Hi.
01:02This is Nikos, my father's brother's son.
01:05Well, I would have never pegged you for a crane.
01:07No.
01:08Well, he's half Greek.
01:09He gets his looks from his mom.
01:10I bet he gets looks from lots of women.
01:14Ross, it's nice to meet you.
01:17Yeah, you too.
01:18You know, I never knew Frasier had a cousin.
01:20I think he's ashamed of me.
01:22Why else would he turn down an invitation to my wedding?
01:25You're getting married?
01:27On Saturday.
01:28Don't tell me you didn't get the invitation.
01:30Well, no, it was the first time hearing of it.
01:32I knew it.
01:33I knew Mom wasn't telling the truth.
01:34She said she'd never heard back from you.
01:36She must still be nursing that grudge.
01:39Uh-oh.
01:40This sounds like, you know, personal, private, family stuff.
01:44So, what's this grudge you're talking about?
01:47Oh, it's all so silly.
01:49Mom has never forgiven Frasier for some career advice he gave me.
01:52And trust me, he saved me from going down the wrong path.
01:56Oh, thank you.
01:58I certainly hate to miss this wedding.
02:01I wonder if there's some way we could work this out.
02:03You want to go grab a cup of coffee?
02:04Sure.
02:05Great.
02:06So, what was the wrong path?
02:08Oh, Ross, it's rather a long story.
02:10My folks wanted me to go to medical school.
02:12Ah, so what path did you choose instead?
02:14We don't really have the time to go into all that, right?
02:16I became a juggler.
02:20I perform on street corners.
02:22Ah, I see.
02:24Because of his advice.
02:27Tell me, do people sometimes toss you coins?
02:30Sure.
02:31Lots of times.
02:32Well, here's something you can catch them in.
02:42It's all your fault.
02:43You and your damned advice.
02:45Mr. Crane, Dr. Rudnick asked me to monitor your blood pressure.
02:48I'd like to get an accurate reading.
02:50Instead of pointing fingers, why don't we try to solve this problem?
02:52I don't see how.
02:53She's a vindictive woman, and she's going to keep on punishing us because of you.
02:57If you kept your big trap shut for just once in your life,
03:00my nephew would probably be a surgeon now, and I'd be gone to his wedding.
03:05There, now.
03:06240 over 11.
03:09Sounds about right.
03:12Personally, I'd have loved to have gone,
03:14but this is clearly a snub, and we Crane men have our pride, right, Dad?
03:18Oh, stop it, Niles.
03:19You're just afraid of seeing Cousin Yvonne, aren't you?
03:22Who's Cousin Yvonne?
03:23Oh, distant cousins.
03:25Slight crush on Niles.
03:28A slight crush.
03:29They're cannibals who are less man-hungry.
03:32It's funny.
03:33I've always thought it would be kind of romantic to have a secret admirer.
03:36Someone who longed for me that much.
03:38But I do see your point, Dr. Crane.
03:40When you think about it, it is kind of sick.
03:45Yeah.
03:46Yeah.
03:47Well, perhaps sick is a tad judgmental.
03:50I can't believe, because of your big mouth,
03:53Zora won't even let me in her restaurant.
03:55Forcing you to go elsewhere when you have one of your frequent cravings
03:58for stuffed grape leaves and zither music.
04:03It's a moot point.
04:05We're not invited, thanks to Fraser's more than usually inept advice.
04:10Can you imagine what it's like to live in the same city as your brother
04:13and not see him for five years?
04:15Oh, but I'd like to give it a try.
04:21Dad, I think that we should go to this wedding.
04:24Forget it. Zora doesn't want us there.
04:26But Nikos wants us there.
04:28My God, I watch that boy grow up.
04:30I want to be there when he gets married.
04:32I'd like to venture an opinion here.
04:34I know this doesn't exactly concern me,
04:37but I feel very strongly about this.
04:39I like zither music, and I always have.
04:46And we're back.
04:49Listen, Dad.
04:50Now drop it, Fraser.
04:52If my brother's wife doesn't see fit to send me an invitation,
04:56I am not just going to show up.
04:59End of story. Case closed.
05:02That's all she wrote.
05:04Oh, stop it.
05:06There are more important issues at stake here
05:08than you being mauled by Yvonne the Terrible.
05:12Dad is hurt.
05:14Dad is hurt. Can't you see that?
05:17He misses his brother.
05:20My God, it's my fault, and I'm going to put it right.
05:24I'm going to get in touch with Aunt Zora.
05:28Surely she'll listen to reason.
05:34Aunt Zora.
05:37Well, that's encouraging. She remembered my voice.
05:44Fraser, just give up.
05:46No. She can't avoid me if I go down and meet her face to face.
05:49I'm going to go to that restaurant.
05:51Do you have a death wish? She'll eat you alive.
05:54No, I'm not afraid of her.
05:55Everyone is.
05:58Have you forgotten the family legend that when Hitler invaded Greece,
06:01she joined the partisans just so she could strangle Nazis?
06:05I have never heard of that.
06:07She would have had him at five years old at the time.
06:10That's why the legend says they were strangled with jumpers.
06:14Huh?
06:28Dimitri, pick up your order. Don't make me hurt you again!
06:43Aunt Zora.
06:45I realize I'm not the most welcome person here, but...
06:52It is not fair to take my mistake out on your husband.
06:55Or my father.
06:57They didn't do anything.
07:00You have a wedding coming up. You should be joyous.
07:05Nikos tells me his fiancée is a lovely young woman from a wealthy family,
07:08that you like her very much.
07:11So your heart should be brimming with motherly emotions.
07:19You know, I've always wanted to do this.
07:23Make a trip around the Greek islands.
07:33Aunt Zora.
07:35My point is that we are family.
07:40And we should be together.
07:43And I promise, if you invite us to this wedding, I will...
07:47never give Nikos another piece of advice for as long as I live.
07:52And through meddling, you have my word.
07:57And if you do invite us to the wedding, I also promise that I'll...
08:00promote this wonderful, wonderful restaurant of yours on my radio program.
08:06Every day.
08:08For a month.
08:12Frasier!
08:16You forgive me?
08:17Of course, of course.
08:20And you don't just come to the wedding.
08:22You come to the rehearsal dinner too.
08:24Tomorrow night, right there, because we are family.
08:27Here, eat.
08:29My very special kokoretski.
08:33For a very special nephew.
08:36Oh, God, I'm such a softie, I'll be crying in a minute.
08:41Me too.
08:59Well, I hope you enjoy yourself, Mr. Blessed of the Peacemakers.
09:02Will you stop complaining?
09:05The rehearsal went beautifully.
09:07Cousin Yvonne didn't even get near you.
09:09How could she? I spent half the time hiding in the confessional.
09:13By the way, Mrs. Pappas is having an affair.
09:17Here they are!
09:19My sole favorite of the house!
09:25Hey, get me with the boys!
09:30You know, I am so glad you are coming to the wedding tomorrow.
09:33There is nothing sadder than a divided family, am I right?
09:38Quite right. Absolutely, absolutely.
09:40When Frasier told me we weren't invited to the wedding, I remembered...
09:43There you are, Niles!
09:45Just kill me now.
09:49Hello, Yvonne.
09:51I haven't seen you two in a long time.
09:54No, well, I haven't seen your two in a long time.
09:56You two.
09:58You two.
10:01Oh, well, we've got a lot of catching up to do.
10:03Let's go get us a glass of bubbly.
10:05Oh, you know, I don't think...
10:07Oh, go on. Enjoy.
10:09It's not that sissy French wine.
10:11It's real Greek champagne.
10:13Oh, save some for me, Niles.
10:17And here he is, my favorite brother-in-law, Marty.
10:23Oh, it's been too long.
10:26It sure has.
10:28Hey, where's Walt? We've got a lot of catching up to do.
10:31Oh, don't worry. He'll be here.
10:33Who is this pretty young thing?
10:37Oh, this is Daphne Moon. She's my physical therapist.
10:40Oh, that's what they call her these days.
10:43Yes, daddy, old man!
10:49This is my fiancée, Marianne Taubeneck.
10:52Marianne. Oh, it's a pleasure.
10:55Taubeneck, as in the Taubeneck building.
10:57Yeah, and Taubeneck Park, et cetera, et cetera.
11:01That was my grandfather, the original robber baron.
11:05Marianne has some issues with her family.
11:08Look at them, sulking over there.
11:11You should have seen their faces when I told them I was marrying a street person.
11:15Performer. Street performer.
11:17Oh, hang on.
11:20Anyway, they've got it coming after all the Debbie Thompson nonsense they put me through.
11:26Would you excuse me?
11:30She's great, isn't she?
11:32Yes.
11:34How did you two meet?
11:36A few months back, I performed at one of her parents' garden parties.
11:40They were really snooty to me.
11:42That seemed to spark something in her.
11:44She asked me for a date right in front of them.
11:46That's how she is. She likes to play with her parents' heads.
11:49Yes, well, so did Lizzie Borden.
11:54What do you mean?
11:56Oh, I can't help thinking that...
12:00Nothing.
12:02Just a bad joke. She seems like a lovely girl.
12:04Yeah, she really is.
12:06My family adores her.
12:08You should hear my mom. She thinks Crystal's the best thing that ever happened to me.
12:13Crystal.
12:15Did I say that?
12:17I meant Marianne.
12:19You've been admiring the beautiful Crystal over there. That's why I call her Crystal.
12:23It's a good thing you weren't admiring the pork butt.
12:28I'm so nervous these days. I don't know what I'm saying.
12:31I guess it's just a case of pre-wedding jitters, right?
12:34Nichols, Nichols, go check on the sous-chef. Make sure he isn't into the use of.
12:39Last time he drank on duty, he got his head caught in the duck press.
12:43Oh, really? How did he manage that?
12:45With my help.
12:49So, what were you and Nichols talking about?
12:53Oh, no, no, no, Aunt Zora, don't you worry.
12:56I made you a promise and I'd die before I break it.
12:59Or soon after.
13:02So, you met Marianne?
13:04Yes, yes, lovely girl. You must be very proud.
13:06Oh, and relieved.
13:08Do you know that crazy son of mine was going steady with a juggler for three years?
13:12Crystal somebody.
13:14Can you imagine having a daughter-in-law who throws things for a living?
13:18It's embarrassing.
13:22Stop, people, at the sound of it tonight!
13:29Hey, Frazier.
13:31Thanks for settling everything with Zora.
13:33Oh, it's my pleasure.
13:34But, you know, I can't find Walt.
13:36I've been waiting five years for this reunion.
13:38He must be here somewhere.
13:40Did you know that Nichols and Marianne have only known each other for...
13:43Oh, there he is!
13:44Well, this is so exciting. You two must have so much to talk about.
13:47Uncle Walt!
13:48Hello!
13:49Frazier!
13:56Marty.
13:58Walt.
14:00What's new?
14:01Joe?
14:02Same old, same old.
14:07Mouse tricks?
14:09Can't complain.
14:12They keeping you busy?
14:15Better believe it.
14:17Well...
14:18What are you going to do?
14:21Tell me about it.
14:23It's amazing how you two can pick up right where you left off.
14:34Oh.
14:37Hmm.
14:38Cheers.
14:45Oops.
14:49Put those back.
14:52Niles.
14:53You realize how pathetic this is?
14:55I don't care.
14:56At dinner, Zora announced that I'd filed for divorce.
14:59Within seconds, Yvonne began purring so loudly, my allergies kicked in.
15:06I won't be safe till this wedding is over.
15:08The wedding I'm beginning to think might just be a serious mistake.
15:11Oh, I like the sound of that.
15:13Does this mean you're going to meddle again and get us both thrown out?
15:16I can't.
15:17I promised I wouldn't.
15:19Oh, dear God, here she comes again.
15:21Hi, Frazier. Have you seen Niles?
15:23Why, no, I haven't.
15:25Here we go.
15:26How much longer do we have to stay?
15:28What are you in such a snet about?
15:30This lot.
15:31Thanks to your sister-in-law, they're all sniggering about me being your physical therapist.
15:36Oh, don't let it bother you.
15:38She's always been a pain.
15:40You're telling me, dried-up old great-leaf.
15:45Yeah, and she's wanted to talk about reputations, too.
15:48Between you and me, before she married my brother, she was easier to make than a peanut butter sandwich.
15:57Does everyone know that?
15:59Well, everybody except my brother.
16:01I mean, I love him dearly, but he's not exactly the brightest bulb in the, uh...
16:07Uh...
16:08Gold box?
16:09Yeah, yeah.
16:11Holy shit, here's Eddie.
16:13Hey, Eddie!
16:14Where's the camera?
16:16Aha, and it worked.
16:18It's right here.
16:22I decided to go undercover.
16:24I wanted to get people just being themselves.
16:27Oh, well, we were really boring, believe me.
16:31Why don't you just rewind it a few minutes and tape over it?
16:35Funny.
16:36Mrs. Pappas said the same thing.
16:40So why did you and this Crystal break up, anyway?
16:43I mean, I'm not meddling.
16:45Just curious, that's all. Just interested.
16:47It was a career conflict.
16:49She's a juggler, too.
16:51You may have heard of her, Crystal Baker.
16:55No, I, uh...
16:58I don't get to street theater as often as I should.
17:02Fabulous performer.
17:04Fabulous girl, for that matter.
17:07But she wanted to work in Paris, and I wanted to stay here.
17:11As well as always pressure on a two-career family.
17:15We had a big fight about it.
17:17Then Marianne came along.
17:19By the time Crystal got back, I was engaged.
17:24And how did she take the news?
17:26She was crushed.
17:29But she's been wonderful.
17:30She called me a few nights ago to congratulate me.
17:33We talked for hours, just like old times.
17:37She's a sweetheart.
17:39Yeah, she's starting to sound like one.
17:41Yeah, it was really great talking with her.
17:44I felt happy.
17:46Purely happy.
17:49Might be the last time I did.
17:52I mean, since then it's been all the usual pre-wedding stuff.
17:55You know, the jitters, night sweats, vomiting.
18:00Nikos.
18:02I promised your mother that I would never again interfere in your life.
18:06Interfere?
18:08You saved me from making a terrible mistake.
18:11I value your advice above anything.
18:17All right, then.
18:19In the interest of your future happiness,
18:21I feel it's my duty to let you know that...
18:23Nikos, please don't make your uncle Stavros to stop that.
18:28Don't make Stavros to stop dancing on the table.
18:32Just once it would be nice to have a family gathering
18:35when no one leaves in an ambulance, am I right?
18:43Yes, wouldn't it?
18:51Hey, Eddie.
18:53Come on, you've been working ever since I've been here.
18:56You haven't even had a chance to chow down.
18:58Well, I wouldn't mind grabbing a bite.
19:00Well, hand me that thing then.
19:02I know how to run that baby.
19:04Be careful, that tape is historic.
19:06I have interviewed every single living member of the family.
19:09I even went out to the retirement home and taped Nikos' great-grandmother.
19:14101 years old.
19:17It's amazing.
19:20Wow.
19:22101.
19:23Gosh, that's older than a century.
19:26She probably has got more stories than anybody else has.
19:33I can't do this.
19:35I think you have to press this button right here.
19:37Oh, thanks.
19:41Bye.
19:45Okay, everybody, gather round.
19:48We're going to have some toast here.
19:50So if everybody will stop what they're doing for just one minute and come closer.
19:55For God's sake, not as one of you just hide in the men's room.
19:58Where do you think Yvonne is right now?
20:04Where have you been?
20:05Well, I've been on the phone.
20:06I've been trying to contact Nikos' ex-girlfriend.
20:09The depths will sink to to get a date.
20:14I'm convinced that he's still in love with her.
20:16And she with him.
20:18I thought if I could get the two of them together, he might realize it in time.
20:22Alas, I couldn't reach her.
20:24She's out working tonight.
20:26Had to leave a message with her roommate.
20:28Well, perhaps the time has come for you to...
20:35Stop playing games and start being direct.
20:43Oh, dear God.
20:46Ah, there you are.
20:48Come up here and make a toast to the happy couple.
20:51Well, all right.
20:53I guess a pour or two comes to mind.
21:00Well, I've known Nikos all of his life.
21:08And I'm sure that he realizes marriage is a binding commitment.
21:13Not to be entered into hastily.
21:15But when the right one comes along, you know it.
21:20And that it's very important to find the person that you're most compatible with.
21:28The one who makes you feel happy.
21:33Purely happy.
21:35More important, makes me feel happy, huh?
21:39Because it would be a shame to go through life having to say, if I'd only waited.
21:45Hey, what the hell kind of toast is this, anyway?
21:50I just want to make sure that my cousin marries the woman that he truly loves the most.
21:56Oh, well said!
21:58Cheers, everybody!
22:00Ah, thank you very much.
22:04If I may say a word or two.
22:06My son Nikos and I have had our ups and downs.
22:10But tonight, at this moment, I can honestly say, what the hell are you doing here?
22:17Crystal!
22:20Nikos.
22:24I couldn't let you get married without...
22:27Without letting you know that I...
22:31I...
22:33I...
22:41Nikos.
22:42What are you doing?
22:44Stop it!
22:45How did she get the message?
22:46Her roommate must have reached her on her car phone.
22:48Jugglers have car phones?
22:53Nikos, you're ruining everything, you...
22:55Shoo, shoo, shoo!
23:04Nikos! Nikos!
23:08Sorry, Marianne, but Crystal's the one I'm meant to be with.
23:12I will never forgive you for this.
23:15Oh, see how happy you've made my parents?
23:24Frasier, he's lost his mind.
23:26Talk to him, he listens to you.
23:28You remember my promise, no more meddling.
23:30Excuse me, everyone.
23:33This may not exactly be appropriate, but...
23:36I have a toast to...
23:37To the man who reunited me with the woman I plan to spend my life with.
23:41No, no.
23:42Inappropriate.
23:45Toast time is over.
23:46We want to offer you our thanks.
23:48No, no, no. You know what?
23:49Everyone, why don't we do some bouzouki dancing?
23:59Why are they thanking you?
24:03We owe our happiness to him.
24:06Why couldn't she have been a mime?
24:12Once again, he saved me from making a terrible mistake.
24:16So everyone, please lift your glasses to my cousin, Frasier Crane.
24:21Oh, I can do better than a glass!
24:24No!
24:25I said no!
24:27Out of my way!
24:30Well, Walt...
24:33Marty...
24:35Goodbye again.
24:51Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
24:54Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
24:57Quite stylish
25:00And maybe I seem a bit confused
25:03Yeah, maybe
25:04But I got you pegged
25:08But I don't know what to do
25:10With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:16They're calling again
25:20Scrambled eggs all over my face
25:23What is a boy to do?
25:25What is a boy to do?
25:30Goodnight, Seattle! We love you!