Frasier Season 5 Episode 22 The Life Of The P Arty
Frasier Season 5 Episode 22 The Life Of The P Arty
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00:00Geez, look at this stuff. Golden Sunset Retirement Village. Investments for seniors. Willowbrook
00:13Mortuary? What the hell kind of list am I on? Well, the good news is, I don't think
00:20it's the kind of list that keep you on very long. Ever since I turned 65, all I get is
00:26geezer mail. It's very depressing. If you ask me, the only thing depressing about being
00:32a geezer is looking like one. There's lots of things a person can do to make himself
00:37look younger. How he dresses. Nah, I tried those Jordache jeans. I just think you ought
00:44to leave something in the imagination. Well, there's always a hair. I know it's not exactly
00:52your style, but there's nothing wrong with covering up that grey. I know just the right
00:57shade for you. Cinnamon Sable. Cinnamon Sable, huh? Sounds nice. Oh, wait! I couldn't use
01:10that. That's Duke's shade. He'd scratch my eyes out. Hello, Malf. Razor, prepare to salivate.
01:20Malf, that is a picture of your new Biedermeier love seat. You've already shown it to me.
01:26No, this is a photo of my latest purchase, an exquisite 18th century Turkish prayer rug.
01:34Paid a fortune for it, but legend says whatever you pray for on this rug will come to you.
01:40Certainly worked for the dealer. Oh, I'm sorry, Niles. I'm just not in the best of moods.
01:51Another disastrous blind date today. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, murderers on death row can
01:58find women to marry them. I can't find one to sit through coffee with me. It's easy for
02:06those men to attract women. They have all that time to work out in the yard. I'm serious.
02:13I'm getting desperate here. Don't obsess about this. My love life's not much better than yours,
02:19but you don't see me going off the deep end. Oh, really? Did it ever occur to you that this
02:26recent antique buying binge you've been on is nothing but a way of sublimating your frustrated
02:31sexual desires? That's preposterous. These purchases have nothing to do with sex. Oh,
02:37don't they? In addition to the love seat, let's see, your most recent acquisitions have been a
02:43French bed warmer, a pair of Toby jugs. The less said about that Civil War ramrod, the better.
02:53Oh, you Freudians. Sometimes a ramrod is just a... Oh, hell, even I can't make that one fly.
03:05Take heart now, we're both in the same boat. Hard part is, where do you go to meet people?
03:13Oh, it's not that hard. Just yesterday, I met a very nice man at the grocery. We got to talking
03:19and he asked me if I was free Saturday night. I said, yes. He said, oh, well, that's my niece's
03:24bat mitzvah. I said, I've never been to a bat mitzvah. He said, would you like to go to the
03:29bat mitzvah? I said, oh, yes, I'd love to go to the bat mitzvah. So he said... Daphne? Yes?
03:35Oh, nothing, I'm sorry. Go on. I seem to have lost my train of thought. Oh, well, anyone like
03:46some tea? Oh, love some. Thank you. A little trick I discovered a few weeks ago, it's a lifesaver.
03:54Anyway, I was saying, where does one go to meet available women? There are singles bars, of course.
04:05Yeah. We could join a health club. Oh, there's a splendid idea. Yes, I can just picture the two of
04:13us, tank tops and spandex. Find us a pair of matching headbands, we might as well just
04:18sterilize ourselves. Wow, sounds like fun, Daph. She says bat mitzvah one more time. Hey, Niles. Hey,
04:29Dad. Well, if you're so smart, you come up with an idea. What are you guys talking about? Oh,
04:34just our pathetic love lives. Well, you know, why don't you do what my buddies and I used to do
04:40when we were young and hard up for dates? Invade Korea? No, we'd throw a party with just one rule,
04:54only single available people were invited. I don't know, Dad, that doesn't really sound like us.
05:01Well, I don't know, it works. I used to throw one a month. People used to call them Marty parties.
05:07People would call me up and say, hey, Marty, when's the next Marty party? Isn't it about time
05:13for another Marty party? Sure had a great time with that last Marty party. Dad. Yeah? Oh, I'm
05:21sorry, nothing. Or somebody might say, can I host the next Marty party? Doesn't always work. Thanks,
05:33Dad. But I don't think we're really quite hard up enough yet to stage a singles party. Okay,
05:38suit yourself. Well, we'll just get ready for the evening. I'll dish out the spaghetti and you guys
05:45set up the card table. I got us a new jigsaw puzzle. Ten thousand pieces. It's called the
05:57Wheatfield. I'll send the invitation. I'll call the caterer. Hello. Welcome. Please come in.
06:27This is wonderful. I had no idea we'd get such a turnout. I know. Everywhere I look,
06:32there's another woman I want to get to know better. With some obvious exceptions. I didn't
06:41know you were coming. Hey, I know it's a long shot, but I figured I better get out and do a
06:46little flirting, or I forget how. Can I offer you something? Oh my God, Ross, you are rusty. By
07:04the way, I know you've been striking out a lot lately, but I invited someone tonight,
07:08guaranteed to improve your batting average. Not necessary. I've already met someone quite
07:12captivating. Hi, Ross. Tina, you made it. Oh, well, you know me. Have I ever said no to a good
07:19time? That's what I was trying to tell Frasier. Tina Kramer, meet Dr. Frasier Crane. Hello. Doctor,
07:29huh? Yes, that's right. Ross, Ross. Ooh, strong hands. I guess it's true what they say. Strong
07:38hands, strong mind. Yes, well, that's why you will never see an unopened pickle jar at a
07:44Mensa meeting. Huh? Oh, excuse me. Martin? You're looking at my hair, right? Well, yeah,
08:04looks great. Well, thanks. I did it myself. Get out. Yeah, yeah. Well, Daphne suggested it. At
08:15first I said no way, but then I thought, well, you know, a lot of other guys do it. And what
08:20better place to try it than here, where nobody knows who I am. Boy, you look great, too. Oh,
08:27thanks. Yeah, I was really happy with this dress. You can't even tell I'm pregnant in it. I know.
08:32I just, I mean, well, yeah, well, yes, you have a good time at the party and the dress looks great.
08:39Nobody would know. Same with your hair. It's completely natural. Thanks. Hey, Niles. Hey,
08:56Dad. Hey, what's that dad business, huh? Got a few young ladies around here thinking I just
09:02might be your brother. Yeah, it's like looking in a mirror. What's the matter? Aren't you having
09:10any fun? Oh, sort of. It's just been so long since I've been single. I'm finding it hard to
09:15strike up conversations. Oh, come on. Now it's nothing. You just need a little confidence here.
09:21Watch this. Hi there. Hi. I'm Marty Crane and this is my son, Niles. Yep. My son. Hi, Vicky
09:34Cantrell. You're the host. Yeah. I was just admiring your beautiful Turkish rug. Thank you.
09:42Is that 18th century? Yes, it is. You have quite an eye. Well, I work for an auction house. I would
09:50love to see some of your other pieces. Oh, it would be my pleasure. You know, if there's some
09:55absurd old legend about that rug, whatever you pray for. Well, perhaps it's not that absurd after
10:02all. Ross, that woman is all over me. Of course she is. Didn't you get what I was trying to tell
10:11you? Yes, of course I got it. I also got her when she showed me how she can tie a knot in a cherry
10:16stem with her tongue. That's a party trick. Yes, the cherry was in my mouth at the time.
10:21Ross, I already tried to tell you that I've met a woman tonight. All right, I'll go talk to her.
10:30Thank you. Oh, I'm so glad we had this party. I just met the most fabulous woman. Oh, that's
10:38fabulous. Two white wines. I also met someone who's terrific. Oh, I can't wait. I have to show
10:44you mine first. She's over by the buffet. Right, so is mine. Frasier, let me ask you something. At
10:52what point would you like to acknowledge that we're both waving to the same woman? I saw her
11:00first. That's not fair. You're the host. You see everyone first. There are plenty of other women
11:06here. Exactly, so go pick one. Oh, let's just stop this. The only civilized thing to do is for us to
11:13both stay away from her. We are psychiatrists, not a couple of rutting pigs in a barnyard. What do
11:20you say to that? Suey. Very well, may the better man win. Fine. Frasier, your father wants you.
11:35Advantage, Niles. What? I want you to meet a big fan of yours, Kathy Locker. This is my son, Dr.
11:45Frasier Quay. I was just telling your father how much I love your show. You're such a good listener.
11:51Uh-huh. Just yesterday, you gave the best advice to that woman who called in about a problem with
11:58her teenage son. What was it you said exactly? Oh, what do I ever say? You're in denial, seek help,
12:04whatever, blah blah blah. He's a little different from what I expected. Yeah, he's not exactly what
12:13I expected either, but you get used to it. So, you were telling me about being a detective. Oh,
12:20yeah, yeah. Say, do you feel like getting a drink? Yeah, that'd be nice, Marty.
12:27You know, this is such a prime spot here. I think maybe one of us should stay here and the other one
12:46get the drinks. You're right. So, I'll have a beer. Okay. Oh, shoot. I think I lost an earring.
12:58Oh. Oh, there it is by my foot. There you go. Thanks. Enjoy the party. These egg rolls are delicious. Oh, I made them myself. Really? A psychiatrist and a chef.
13:29Impressive. Yes, and both came in handy when I cured the ham. Hello, Niles. What do you want? Actually, there's something of an emergency in the kitchen. Oh, that very cagey
13:41freezer. Why don't you just run out and yell fire? Dear God, excuse me, Vicki, for just a moment. Of course. Is it a serious problem? Oh, no, no, he's always run like that.
13:59Oh. Oh, you mean the kitchen? No, no, Niles can handle it. You two seem very close. Oh, yes. I'm his best friend. Well, his only friend, really. Well, that surprises me. He seems very outgoing.
14:17Doesn't he, though? Yes, the medication seems to be working wonders. Just hope he sticks with it this time. Well, shall we hit the buffet? What a great story. Oh, thanks. This is fun. Yeah. I usually hate these kinds of parties. Oh, me too. People are always so superficial. Yeah. Seems like everybody nowadays is all about appearances.
14:46Well, should we get a drink? Yeah, sure. I'm not really very thirsty. Me either. Okay, see ya. Then I top it all off with branded cherries and a dollop of creme fraiche. Excuse me, Frasier. Not now, Niles. I'm telling Vicki my recipe for crepe gâteau. Oh, well, I'm sure she's had enough of your crepe by now.
15:16I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, but I believe Dad needs you, Frasier. No, he doesn't. Oh, I think he might. All right, then. If you will excuse me. Do you live with your father, Niles? Oh, no. A grown man lives with his father. Frasier lives with Dad. Champagne? What is it? You've got to get me home. Why?
15:41Well, something's happened with my hair dye. It's melting or something. Look at this stain. It must look terrible. Oh, no, it doesn't. Actually, it looks terrific. You sure? Well, maybe the fire has expired just a little bit. Yeah. Well, actually, you look quite young and attractive, actually.
16:03You know, by the warmth of the fire glow, I'd say that you actually look like you're back in your Marty Party days. You're not BS? No, no. Okay, then. I'll stay. Great. Vicki, hello. Where's Niles? Oh, he had to take a call. Oh, well, that's terrific. Would you be interested in maybe finding some place where we could talk, just the two of us, no interruptions?
16:32Frasier. What now, Ross? Come here. Can't you see I'm busy? No, my water just broke. Oh, maybe you sat in something. Oh, my God, what's all over my Turkish brown rug? You've got to get me to a hospital. Yes, I'm sorry. Of course. Oh, Vicki, Vicki, if you'll excuse us, my friend Ross just went into labor. Oh, how exciting. Good luck. Thanks.
17:01Wait, wait, wait, wait, just one second. Vicki, I know this may not be the most appropriate moment, but I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to have dinner with me sometime. That's very sweet of you, Frasier, but I'm not really interested. Oh, well, thank you for your honesty. What is wrong with me? Why can't I find a single woman who's interested in me?
17:22Those are two different questions, really, so we should just sit down and talk them both over. Oh, wait, I can't. Because I'm in labor!
17:40How'd we do? Better. This time it's hot and it's got extra cream. Of course, it's still chicken soup.
17:49Well, who needs coffee when we can keep alert by perusing these very up-to-date magazines? Oh, look, Dad, that cute Trisha Nixon's getting married.
18:04Oh, excuse me, may we get an update on Ross Doyle? Sure. She is still in early labor. Hang in there.
18:14Thank you. She's pretty. I should make a play for her, considering how young and attractive I am tonight. I said I was sorry.
18:27Not half as sorry as I was when I went under that speed bump you left a head print on the ceiling of my BMW.
18:35Hello. Hi. I didn't expect to see you here. The doorman found Ross's purse in the lobby. I thought she might need it.
18:44Well, you also came to gloat. You got Vicky. I didn't. Neither of us got Vicky. She went home with the bartender.
18:54Really? Well, you know what I say? Her loss. Absolutely right. Her loss. Has saying that ever made you feel any better?
19:11Not a whiff. It's been a hell of a night for all of us. It certainly was for me. I lost Vicky. My rug is ruined. Someone left weird brown stains on my wing chair.
19:29Hello. Oh, hi. I came down as soon as I heard. What the hell happened to your hair? Well, what do you think? I colored it just like you told me to.
19:40Yeah, but this isn't cinnamon sable. Well, I couldn't use that. I had a woman's picture on the box. So I used some stuff called color in a can instead.
19:50Said, as seen on TV, just spray on and go. How did I know it was a lousy product? If only there had been some clue. Don't you start on me, mister. You left me melting by that fire.
20:05Wait a minute. You're the one who left stains on my wing chair. I was wondering when you'd crack that, Miss. I'm sorry, Daphne. We've all had dreadful evening, but you're absolutely right. We should be thinking about wrong.
20:30Exactly. Besides, nobody could have had as horrendous an evening as I did. I got stood up at a bat mitzvah. I waited there an hour. Oh, he left some lame excuse on the machine. But if he thinks he's got another chance with me, he's my sugar.
20:58Oh, boo hoo. Anyway, at least you had a date tonight. Oh, and at least your apartment wasn't decimated. So what? I went to a party tonight with shoe polish on my hair.
21:17That's it. Breathe. You're doing great. Good luck. We love you. Oh, Frank. She's very tired, so I'll have to ask you to make it quick. Okay. Congratulations.
21:42Oh, look at her. Oh, she's beautiful. Muzzletooth. It's a long story. So, what's her name? Alice. Alice Mae Doyle. My daughter. My God, that's the first time I've ever said that.
22:06Well, you look great. How do you feel? Oh, fine. I'm just a little tired. Maybe we should go. Right. I'll drop by and see you tomorrow, okay? Okay. You know, I sure would love to hold her for just a second.
22:22You know, maybe we should just wait until you're not dripping toxins. Okay. We'll see you then. Okay. Congratulations. I'll be along in a second.
22:37Roz, congratulations again. I'm so proud of you. Your little girl is just perfect. She is, isn't she? Mm-hmm. My God, look at your face. Oh, yeah. I must look real lovely.
23:01Yes, that's exactly how you look, lovely. I don't think I've ever seen a face more purely happy than right now. Oh, little Alice, how I wish you could wake up right now and see how beautiful your mother looks.
23:24Mm-hmm. Then again, you need your rest. You did great, honey. Sleep well.
23:46Oh, well, hello. Hi. This may seem like an odd time to ask you this, but I was convinced that we sort of made some eye contact in the waiting room, and I was wondering if I could get your number.
24:07What about your... Oh, no, forget about her. She's asleep. What kind of monster are you? Her loss.
24:22Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin', tossed salads and scrambled eggs. Quite stylish. And maybe I seem a bit confused. Yeah, maybe, but I got your pegs. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
24:46But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs. They're callin' again. Scrambled eggs all over my face. What is a boy to do? Goodnight!