God, the Devil and Bob - 02 Andy Runs Away
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00:00Hi, God here. So I was all set to destroy the world when I thought, hey, I'm not that
00:09kind of God. If just one soul could show me it's worth saving, I'd spare it. Being a
00:14sporting deity, I'd let the devil choose. So folks, meet your last chance for salvation.
00:20Wow. This is good beer. Oh boy. Well folks, I wouldn't make any long-term plans.
00:29What the? Ow, ow, ow, ow. Great idea, Your Unholiness. Look at him hopping around. That's
00:57kind of hurt. Smack. I believe when I sent you the memo, it specifically stated that
01:04he should be afflicted with boils, not bowls. Boils. That's the classic thing. That's what
01:12you afflict people with. Yeah, but look at his hopping and they're in the way. You know,
01:17I try not to put too much on your plate. I know, but look, sir, look, see? It says, oh,
01:24is that a dad? The box again? Yes, the box. I've been under a lot of stress lately. That's
01:37not my problem. It's your job to make my job easier. Did you pay the electricity? See,
01:49God was going to destroy the world, but my dad saved it and now he's God's prophet on
01:53Earth. What's weird about that? You're full of it. You also said your sister was the Pink
01:58Power Ranger. That was just a lie. I mean, I think we all knew that. No one believes
02:04you, Andy. But it's... You're just a liar. A big fat liar. Fine, fine. You want to meet
02:10God? You come over to my house after school tomorrow. You'll see. I'll show you. I'll show
02:14all of you. We win! Where's your God now, Andy? Hey, Donna. Hey, guy in my kitchen. Bob,
02:34this is Steve from my literature class. Steve, my husband Bob. Hey, nice to meet you. Yeah.
02:39Donna, can I see you over by the microwave? Better make it the toaster. You see, this is
02:48exactly why I didn't want you going back to college. You meet some hunky guy in class,
02:53next thing, you're dragging him back to the house to study in my kitchen. I'm sorry, Bob.
02:58Next time, we'll study at Steve's frat house. Thank you. Sorry, Steve. My husband is... Well,
03:06you saw. Where were we? Where's my black... Mother, can I see you over by the toaster? No.
03:14Megan, this is Steve. Hey, Megan. Megan, are you okay? Sorry. Oh, man. Here, I'll help
03:27you. Oh, cool earrings. Thanks. I like your chest. And shirt. We need to talk. All right.
03:37When a man has certain feelings for a woman... Dad, I'm six. Oh, then you know.
03:45Dad, I need a favor from you. I need you to show God to my friends after school tomorrow.
03:51Oh, come on. You know I can't do that. Dad, I promised them. They've been teasing me,
03:56and laughing at me, and calling me names. You should hear what they're saying about you.
04:01Look, I know it's tough being... What are they saying about me? New stuff? No, the same stuff.
04:08I'm sorry, buddy. I just don't think it's going to happen. It's not fair. I'm the only one who
04:13believes that God and the devil are your friends. Well, I appreciate that, son. It's just that
04:18I know him, and I don't think... Andy? Oh, man. Look, buddy. I'll see what I can do.
04:29Come on. Get him. Get him. Your bioness? What is it? Remember when you told me to take some
04:35initiative and do things on my own? As it turns out, that wasn't the best suggestion.
04:41Jump, you bastards!
05:12Dear Red Shoes,
05:14somewhere in the endless waking dream of the dream that I woke from to find him naked beside me,
05:20I dreamt that I woke from my dream of sleep. Come on. Come out from behind the...
05:25Oh, yes. It's skin time. What's this?
05:32Bob. Oh, who knows? Something the kids had on. I was trying to get a hold of you all day.
05:39You don't call me Bob. It doesn't work that way. Then what's prayer?
05:45Corn nut? Thanks. I'd love one. Wait. If anyone questions that I have a relationship with God,
05:53all I have to do is show them this corn nut as proof. Yeah, Bob. Show them the corn nut.
06:00All right. Oh, I wanted to ask you. I'm in sort of a tough bind with my kid, and I need your help.
06:06It's a tough week for me, Bob. There's a crisis in Africa.
06:10You always say that. You always say there's a crisis in Africa.
06:13That's because there always is a crisis in Africa. You might know that if you picked
06:17up a newspaper every once in a while instead of filling your head with soft-core porn.
06:22Hey, you're the one who made naked women look like that. Tell me you didn't sneak a few peeks.
06:27Bob. And who could blame you? Listen, can't you just take a minute for Andy and his friends?
06:33Come by. Shake a few hands. I wish it were that simple, Bob. You know,
06:38I used to pop by all the time in the old days. I was young and full of beans. After a while,
06:45I realized it stopped being special. It's like vodka on taxi. It was a nice flavor at first,
06:52but those last two years, they clearly ran out of stories. Do it for Andy. Just a one shot. Open
06:57with a joke. Talk up the meek. Five minutes, you're in your car. Andy will be fine. He always
07:02lands on his feet. Oop, gotta go. I've got chicken marinated. Okay, here's the deal. God's a very
07:10busy guy. He doesn't have a lot of free time, but he's agreed to make a brief appearance. So,
07:15I want you... God is really gonna show up? Yes, that's right. Now, I don't... The God Almighty?
07:23Yes. Now, when he gets here... Why would God appear in your garage? Because I said so!
07:29Now, he's asked me to keep the lights out while he's appearing. That's very important. Oh,
07:37and no flash photography. God? Are you there, God? Who calls me? It is I, Bob Allman.
07:49I have some boys that would like to meet you. Well, sure, Bob. Anything for my friend.
07:57Bob? Hi, boys. Nice to see you. I hope you've all been good. Blessed are the kids from Andy's
08:10school, for they shall see me in all my glory. Hey, turn those lights out. Pay no attention
08:20to that man hanging from the... Way to go, Andy, loser. Wait! If I'm not God's prophet,
08:30what am I doing with this corn nut? Thanks, Dad. Andy, wait! Andy! Oh, man.
08:40Ah, this is lovely. Oh, come here. Good boy. Who's a good boy? You know, it wouldn't kill you to look
09:03around and enjoy the scenery. I'm sorry, I've got a lot of paperwork to do. Everything in my office
09:07is backed up. You've really got to learn to delegate. Excuse me, who founded the Harvard Business
09:13School? I think I know how to manage. Smack! I dream of Jeannie with that... Oh, sir. Would you
09:21mind explaining this bill here from William Sonoma for $4,000? Oh, those were the bulls for Bob, sir.
09:28On a positive note, we're preferred customers now. A special 800 number. We get right through.
09:34Mm-hmm. Smack, would you mind taking one step to your left, please? Okay. Thank you, sir!
09:48Did you ever think that constant abuse and torture may not be the best way to get good
09:52work out of your employees? Are you high? Why don't you just try to be nice to him?
09:57Hahaha! Oh, you were serious. Suit yourself. Come on, let's take a walk. I'll show you where the
10:04leekies found those bones I buried. I'm stuck here. No one's gone through these books in ages.
10:10Wait a minute. We never paid the guy for the Black Plague. This is why I couldn't get a
10:16Discover card. So you're saying if I were nicer to Smack, I might get better work out of him?
10:23Can't hurt to try. Fine, fine. Smack! Kind of busy here, sir.
10:31Boy, that was pretty embarrassing this afternoon, huh? You know, it's great when you can give your
10:37friends a good laugh like that. Those are the popular kids. The ones who can make their friends
10:42laugh. Right. I'm sorry, Andy. I'll tell you what. Tomorrow after school, let's you and I do
10:49something special. Anything you want. What do you want to do? Move. Come on, buddy. You're taking
10:54this thing too hard. They're kids. They're going to forget this tomorrow. No, they won't. This is
10:59the kind of thing the kids remember. You become a marked guy. You're carried around forever like
11:04Grandpa's friend. Booger Eater? Come on, Andy. That was a special case. He earned that name over
11:11many years. It wasn't just one isolated... Dad, I don't want to talk to you anymore.
11:16Just leave me alone. Okay.
11:25So, is your mom coming back soon? I don't know. She's kind of forgetful sometimes.
11:30Anyway, you want a beer? No, thanks. I could have a beer, but I just had one at lunch.
11:37So, college. Pretty wild, huh? Do you have a good locker? Megan, Grandma wasn't locked out. Mother,
11:43we're in the middle of something. Megan, sorry, Steve. Megan, I'll deal with you later.
11:48Sorry. I just thought Steve would rather talk to someone closer to his own age.
11:52Out. Now. Okay, okay. She has any albums? Well, I just have the one.
12:43You wanted me, sir. Smack! Why are you showing me your teeth? It's a smile, Smack. Get used to it.
13:02You're going to be saying it a lot. Okay. I just wanted you to come by so I could tell you
13:08You're doing a great job!
13:10Excuse me?
13:11You're doing a great job! And I wanted to thank you for it.
13:15I don't understand.
13:16What's so difficult to understand? I'm motivating you!
13:19I'm giving you a sense of accomplishment in your work by letting you know that you should be proud!
13:24I'm sorry, I'm just not getting it.
13:27Damn it, Smick! I love you!
13:30Maybe if you explained it with puppets.
13:35Hello.
13:36J'ai un fils nommé Andy.
13:38Quoi?
13:40Vraiment?
13:41Oh mon dieu!
13:43Andy est dehors, on va faire du night fishing.
13:45Quoi?
13:46C'est quelque chose que j'ai toujours voulu faire avec lui, quelque chose que mon père n'a jamais fait avec moi.
13:49Il vient l'heure où on va faire du night fishing avec son père.
13:51Attendez, ça pourrait prendre quelques jours.
13:53Il a été bombé.
13:59Soyez gentils, soyez gentils.
14:01Ce sont seuls les Canadiens, ils ne peuvent pas l'aider.
14:04Comment allez-vous, monsieur? Bienvenue au Canada.
14:06Est-ce que vous êtes venu pour un boulot ou pour un plaisir?
14:08C'est une histoire folle.
14:10Mon fils est sorti de chez lui, a traversé la frontière, a réussi à arriver jusqu'à Ouskanousafouk.
14:14Je vois.
14:15Est-ce que ça serait un boulot ou un plaisir?
14:17Regarde, ne soyez pas tout Canadiens sur moi.
14:21C'est un harcèlement pur et simple.
14:23Désolé, monsieur, mais vous avez le bon profil.
14:25L'indifférence mentale est l'un de nos flèches rouges.
14:28Quel genre de pays idiot est-ce?
14:31Vous êtes en train de vous faire un boulot.
14:35Où avez-vous trouvé ce flic?
14:42Regardez ça, regardez ça.
14:44Oh, maman, un D.
14:46Pas de télévision pour vous.
14:48C'est tout votre faute.
14:49Comment c'est ma faute?
14:50Vous nous interrompez et vous faites impossible pour moi de faire des études.
14:54Et quand j'ai eu un D en sociologie,
14:56parce que la poignée de Jill Baker, la scoliose, a continué à s'éloigner,
14:59c'était juste moi qui faisais des excuses.
15:00Arrêtez de me déconner, jeune dame.
15:02Allez, maman, vous n'étiez pas distraite par moi.
15:04Vous étiez distraite par Steve.
15:06Steve, Steve, Steve.
15:07Tout ce que vous pensez, c'est Steve.
15:09Vous rêvez de lui toute la nuit.
15:10Vous vous réveillez en pensant à lui.
15:11Vous écrivez son nom dans tous vos livres.
15:13Vous êtes désespérément amoureuse de Steve.
15:15Et vous savez que c'est impossible
15:16parce que la différence d'âge est trop forte.
15:21Megan.
15:23Regardez, nous savons tous ce qui se passe ici.
15:26Et je ne peux penser à qu'une seule solution.
15:30Nous devons laisser Steve choisir.
15:32Oh, mon amour.
15:36Qu'est-ce qu'on fait ici?
15:37C'est le jour de l'appréciation de Smec.
15:39Passons à l'amour.
15:45Ah-ha!
15:48Le panda.
15:53Oui!
16:00Regardez ça.
16:05Smec.
16:06Tu as pensé à tout.
16:13Mon fils, Andy.
16:15Est-il là?
16:16Oui, ce garçon, c'est un fou.
16:18Nous l'avons mis au travail tout de suite.
16:20Où est-il?
16:21Oh, il est dehors avec Misty.
16:26Andy!
16:27Andy!
16:29Oh, merci mon fils.
16:31Père, qu'est-ce que tu fais ici?
16:33Tu n'étais pas censé venir jusqu'à ce que j'ai terminé.
16:35Andy, qu'est-ce que c'est que tout ça?
16:37Ce n'est pas si mauvais, père.
16:39J'ai fait une bonne vie pour moi-même.
16:41J'ai mon propre endroit.
16:42J'ai une carrière.
16:44Les gens commencent à me connaître ici.
16:46Si je fais un bon travail avec Misty,
16:47ils me diront que je vais vendre des cartes pour June.
16:50Et une fois que tu as le public d'été ici...
16:53Andy, c'est fou.
16:54Tu viens chez moi.
16:55Je ne veux pas.
16:56Tu m'as embarrassé.
16:58Je sais, je suis désolé.
17:00Regarde, on en parlera dans la voiture.
17:02Je ne reviendrai jamais là-bas.
17:04Écoute-moi, jeune homme.
17:05Tu es en train de...
17:06Père, tu ne veux pas me parler dans ce ton.
17:09Misty est un peu protégée.
17:11Andy, je ne vais pas...
17:13Oh, elle est une grosse, n'est-ce pas?
17:16Peu importe ce que tu veux dire à moi, père,
17:18tu devrais utiliser ta voix agréable.
17:20D'accord, Andy.
17:23Je suis vraiment désolé
17:25pour ce qui s'est passé dans le garage.
17:27Je ne voulais pas que tu sois déçue.
17:30Et tout ce que je peux te dire maintenant, c'est...
17:34J'ai parlé à Dieu il y a deux minutes,
17:37et il m'a dit qu'il allait apparaître à ta école
17:40et voler autour de la salle devant tout le monde.
17:43La raison pour laquelle j'ai menti,
17:45c'est que j'avais peur de la mousse.
17:47Ça va.
17:49Je suis heureuse que tu es venu me chercher.
17:51Mon appartement était génial et tout,
17:53mais tu n'étais pas là pour vérifier mon lit.
17:57Regarde, la chose avec Dieu,
18:00c'est que je ne l'appelle pas.
18:02C'est compliqué. Je ne peux pas commencer
18:04à comprendre pourquoi il veut que je fasse
18:06les choses qu'il veut que je fasse.
18:08Je dois juste obéir et espérer que les choses
18:10fonctionnent pour le mieux.
18:12Donc, c'est comme toi et maman.
18:15Oui.
18:17Tu peux te calmer.
18:19Je crois que tu l'as enfin perdue.
18:29Comment était l'école? A-t-il mentionné moi?
18:31Oh, chérie, j'ai eu des amours comme ça,
18:33et je sais ce que ça fait pour toi.
18:35C'est juste de l'agonie.
18:37J'aimerais pouvoir t'aider.
18:39Qu'est-ce que c'est?
18:41Oh, c'est un CD que Steve voulait que j'écoute.
18:43Pearl Jam?
18:45Qu'est-ce que c'est? 1997?
18:47Steve dit qu'ils sont géniaux.
18:49Steve est mort pour moi.
18:53Je ne sais pas, Carl.
18:55L'affaire était amusante.
18:57Le musée du wax était génial, bien sûr.
18:59Et tu sais comment j'aime Phantom.
19:01Mais?
19:03Demain, il parle d'aller à SeaWorld.
19:05Où est-ce qu'il finit?
19:07Ça ne se sent pas réel.
19:09On dirait qu'on vit une blague.
19:11Donc, as-tu dit ça à lui?
19:13Je pense que oui.
19:15Je ne sais pas comment il le prend.
19:19Peut-être que c'est toi qui n'est pas honnête.
19:21Tu as raison, Carl, comme toujours.
19:27Qui est prêt pour le clocheur?
19:29Monsieur, je ne peux pas.
19:31C'est ce que je pensais.
19:33Mais regarde!
19:35Ce que tu fais, c'est faux.
19:37Je bouge mes bras, n'est-ce pas?
19:39Non, c'est cette nouvelle chose agréable.
19:41C'est désastreux, ce n'est pas toi, ce n'est pas moi.
19:43Ce n'est pas l'enfer.
19:45Est-ce que tu suggères que j'ai fait une erreur?
19:47Si ça me prend un coup,
19:49alors oui.
19:51Tu es un moron.
19:53Quoi? Viens ici, pauvre.
19:59On ne perdra jamais ça.
20:03Andy, comment ça va?
20:05Père, qu'est-ce que tu fais ici?
20:07Je voulais juste voir comment tu t'en sors.
20:09J'ai survécu.
20:11J'ai eu beaucoup d'enfer, mais je suis bien.
20:13Salut, Saint-Andrew!
20:15C'est ton tour!
20:17Oui, c'est vrai!
20:23Salut, père.
20:25Qu'est-ce que tu fais ici?
20:27Je suis un fan de football.
20:29J'aime jouer aussi.
20:31Tu me donnes quelque chose avec des boucles de bébé, je peux le conduire.
20:33Je joue!
20:35Tu ne peux pas l'aider.
20:37Prépare-toi pour l'autre équipe.
20:55Oh, merci Dieu.
20:57Tu sais, les choses se passent bien pour moi.
21:01Oh, Dieu.
21:03Qu'est-ce que tu as mangé pour le déjeuner?
21:05Ah, Misty.
21:07Hey, tu l'as fait.
21:09Merci Dieu.
21:11Nous avions peur de toi.
21:13Assez, Misty.
21:15Misty?
21:17Andy, dis à ta mère que j'ai été élevé!
21:19Ok, père!