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00:00I
00:04Wanted a place that I could have space for me and the girls, so I bought a houseboat
00:16I
00:18Have started running and I have a running partner
00:23How's it going
00:26Dad gave me the master bedroom with the biggest closet and that's bigger than my apartment was but me and blackjack stay in there
00:33So I guess that's nice
00:40There's some assets we haven't settled yet that we're gonna need to settle
00:46Are you ready to move forward with that
00:49Can't accept this
00:51There was a part of me that hoped that after being apart for so long that she would change her mind
00:56Because I had a feeling I would
00:59Can we just make it work
01:21I'm back at the apartment stay with Ethan and my goal is to get our divorce paperwork finalized the lease ends this month
01:28We go our like separate ways. I
01:31can't I
01:38Don't really know what to do like I I
01:42Know this is hard
01:45it's not like I can force you to accept it, but
01:48we've also
01:49Been single for quite a while and this is the last step that needs to happen
01:56Before you saw Olivia had you any thoughts of changing your mind or
02:03Did that kind of happen the minute you saw her?
02:06No, that kind of happened to me. I saw her
02:11Like I don't know how to just keep moving forward and living single lives and not file
02:15I
02:17Don't want that
02:22I'm sorry. I
02:26Know this is hard
02:30But I also personally kind of think that just dragging it out will make it harder for a lot longer
02:39Being back around Ethan does make me emotional because he's not doing well at all
02:45But I know that even I are not getting back together, right? Like I've moved on. I'm done and
02:51I feel like Ethan's indecision
02:54Confirms my decision because the inconsistency that he's showing and what he says he wants what he does how he changes his mind
03:02that played a huge role in our marriage of
03:05So many inconsistencies and feeling loved and then not feeling loved and feeling supported than not feeling supported
03:10It was just kind of like a rollercoaster. I
03:12Feel like you can move on so easily
03:15I don't understand that. I
03:19Don't know if it's necessarily moving on so easily as much as it is
03:26Forcing myself to deal with everything and feel it all and get to the other side
03:37You sure we can't make this work
03:46You
03:53Could we wait like a few more months on the divorce to see where we're at
04:16I can't do this today
04:23Okay
04:28Today's my last day in Minnesota for this trip. I leave tomorrow. I
04:35Don't really know what else to say
04:37Like I feel like I have a very clear idea of what needs to happen moving forward, but I can't do it on my own
04:41So, I don't I I feel stuck I don't really know what to do
05:12I
05:30Girls are at Taekwondo right now. And so I'm at Ken's house tonight riding four-wheelers
05:34I spend a good bit of time with him at his house
05:36I've never driven a four-wheeler and I'm having a ball
05:41I'm going down all the dirt roads I can find and going through the woods and it's just fun
05:54I
05:56Talked to Kim before about maybe moving in here at the house to save us some money
06:00So I definitely was a little surprised when Kim bought the boat
06:03But not disappointed because this makes her happy and it gives her her own space
06:17We'll never again date a guy that doesn't have four-wheelers I
06:20Like the fact that Kim's outdoors. They also we just seem to enjoy the same type things
06:26Do you think the fire will start?
06:28It's rained a couple times lately. So we'll see
06:31Early on some of the children were kind of standoffish with Ken thinking, you know, is this really even gonna last?
06:37And here we are a year and a half later the more they've gotten to know Ken
06:40They love spending time with us, you know with me and Ken
06:49Hot close to the fire pretty
06:52Yeah, so you're still enjoying the boat yeah, yeah, it's fun
06:57I've offered to take you kayaking, but you said it's not fast enough
07:02It was a few months ago that Ken asked me to move in
07:05and
07:06You know, I feel like that would have been fun
07:08But I mean, I also would like to get past the divorce and be able to plan for the future
07:13one way or another
07:15Everything still going forward with the divorce
07:18It does I mean it's been over two years
07:21If I focus on it too much, I get frustrated that the divorce is taking so long
07:25But I also feel like it's out of my hands because we're still trying to figure out financing
07:30And still figuring out how we're going to pay for the house
07:34And I'm still figuring out how we're going to pay for the house
07:37You know, we're we're still figuring out how we're going to pay for the house
07:41I'm still figuring out how we're going to pay for the house. It's just a lot of work
07:45Because we're still trying to figure out finances and properties
07:49well
07:50I'm willing to continue to wait
07:54Good, thank you
07:55That means a lot. I know initially when we first started dating everybody was you know, oh no mom's dating somebody, you know, and they
08:04Probably weren't that warm and fuzzy with you at the beginning just because your mom's new boyfriend and that doesn't go over real well
08:11But I feel like as they've gotten to know you a little more they've really kind of come around and
08:16Enjoy being with you. Well, I think more they get to know me more. They realize how immature I am
08:24Well, it seems like everybody has come to terms and accepted it except for Barry, yeah
08:30And that'll be the case until he gets a girlfriend
08:34Barry and Ken never interact Ken is willing and anytime that we're together like if we're dropping the girls off and Ken's with me
08:40Can make sure he's out of the car facing Barry approachable willing to shake his hand
08:46But Barry doesn't look at him or you know, go over there or anything
08:50I personally would love to get to a point where we can all just be adults and talk and hang out when Barry is ready
08:58Yeah, yeah, it'll be nice at some point when he starts dating and he has somebody then it'll be you know
09:04When there's a family gathering
09:06he'll be
09:07Able to bring his girlfriend so I should be able to bring you that might be a turning point
09:12Yeah, or he may not ever
09:18But yeah
09:19I don't know how you go out to bars and like you just let guys like get that close to you and touch you and
09:22buy you drinks and like you set some boundaries, but
09:29Wow, hey, dude, how's it going?
09:32Good to see you. I've decided that I want to see my folks again get away
09:37So, uh, what's new in Minnesota?
09:39Still I don't want to burden them with like, oh, you know having a bad day blah blah
09:43I don't know. I don't know how to talk about all this stuff
09:57Do I need some stretches with me? Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Okay, okay
10:02This is actually how I impress men I
10:05I
10:06Got here to Arizona last night to spend a couple days with Lynn. I think so to the side
10:10Oh, that's such a good hip-hop. I heard it. My sister moved out to Arizona a couple months ago
10:15She just wanted like a fresh start. She wanted to move further out west
10:18We're both recently out of very long-term relationships and figuring out moving to new cities ironically both West Coast. That was really nice
10:26I'm having a lot of fun. I know we should work out more together
10:29Yeah, we should when Ethan and I ended our relationship nine months ago
10:33I was 25 and starting life over. I just didn't really know where to go and
10:38Always wanted to live in California. So
10:43I moved to Los Angeles for a fresh start. It's a temporary place to live. I'm still traveling a lot. I'm still working shooting weddings
10:52It's nice to be in a big city when I'm there. I have so many things I can do right at my fingertips
10:56I can also just do nothing I can be lost
10:58I can make read books in the park and go to the beach and
11:01Take some time to kind of sit with everything that's happened in my life this past year and make sense of it
11:05Let's get finished getting ready. Yeah, we can hang out
11:07It is so good to have my sister in my life and especially since we now only live six hours apart
11:11We spend a lot more time together. How do you like living here? I love it
11:15Yeah, like I lived with my ex for solid almost four years. That's all I knew same girl
11:19Honestly, I love being single though
11:21there's like a little tiny part of me that feels like it's super weird to look at my younger sister and see her like
11:31Like get out of a
11:37Long-term relationship and start over and I'm in the exact same place myself
11:40I was like should I like already have some of my life figured out and then I'm also like yeah
11:45What is having your life figured out, you know, and like you said this way we get to go through it together
11:48I think Olivia is doing okay
11:50But I also know that she likes to be her cheerful sunshiny self and that doesn't mean that there's not anything going on underneath
11:56I'm just glad that she's here with me, but I know that she's gonna try to process this in her own way
12:00And I'm just gonna be there for her. I'm not I don't even really want to give advice because that's not really my place
12:04So, how would you say your trip in Minnesota went?
12:08That wasn't terrible, I just want that final piece of paperwork done and he's not ready to sign so
12:14I'm like
12:16Very frustrated. It's like I understand that this has got to be so hard for him for someone who doesn't like to process things
12:21I understand why he's trying to push it off. Yeah, I loved him as a spouse at one point. So
12:26All that just isn't gone immediately. I don't love him that way anymore
12:29I don't love him romantically, but I still care about him as a person
12:32it's really hard to try to like hold that caring compassion while still being frustrated at the way things turned out and
12:39How he's dragging his feet now
12:41Cuz I really would just love it to like be wrapped up, you know, wait, so you so you have to go back to Minnesota
12:46Yeah, I gotta go back and hopefully get papers done. And that's the last missing piece
12:51When you broke up with CJ, do you feel like that was pretty cut-and-dry?
12:55Yes, but um, I think I had moved on a long time before
12:59But you were literally married
13:00I can't even imagine what that'd be like
13:01I know a lot of people probably gave you a lot of crap for making that decision, but I'm really proud of you
13:07Thanks. Do you feel like once he signs it'll be like a little bit of release like the butterfly can actually fly now
13:12Ethan I've lived on our own now for like like we've been separated
13:15I've been calling it divorced and I guess until paper just signed it's not technically divorce
13:19But to me that's just a piece of like government documentation the day
13:22We both said we were not in the no longer in the relationship. We were divorced moving on separately. I
13:27Feel like I gave my marriage everything I had I've zero
13:31Doubts about whether I fought hard enough for it or not. I think I stayed
13:35Way past the expiration date
13:38Now being on my own and feeling like my life is so much more peaceful. It makes me realize how
13:44Chaotic and dysfunctional that was and I don't miss that and maybe someday I'll separate it all in my mind
13:50But for right now, he's part of that. That's that was an entire just like my whole world didn't feel safe
13:55Do you think you'd ever get married or no?
13:59The the extra-large box of condoms and your dressers
14:05That's the thing you don't have to get married to have sex I don't think anymore I know we're experimenting we're figuring it out
14:13Lydia's definitely already going on dates and I want to try some of that but
14:18Dating after marrying the first guy that you ever even held hands with is
14:23Wild, but yeah, I don't know how you do it. What I don't know how you go out to bars and like you just let guys
14:28like
14:29Like get that close to you and like touch you and buy you drink. Oh you set some boundaries, but
14:36Casual connections are really hard for me
14:38Like I don't know if that's a residue from how I was raised
14:40But I'm trying to like work through that the learning curve is quite steep. I can't wait for you to come visit for a week
14:47And we'll do some fun stuff sit down this time too, but it's fun stuff going out to the bars
14:52Yeah, I will be your wingwoman. I'll take you dancing with the cowboys. You are crazy
14:57Do you think I'm more wild than you? Yeah, really? Yeah, I walk in your room
15:01I see the big box of condoms and I say get it
15:04Well, I mean I just have very different approaches to dating and I've told her a lot of stories so far and sometimes she's shocked
15:09Sometimes she laughs sometimes she's horrified. She knows I'm not a relationship type person and Olivia
15:15She'd rather find a soulmate someone that
15:18Will treat her like the queen that she is
15:20So those guys can be rare and hard to find but I know she'll find it. Here is a woman who knows what she wants
15:25It's one that's trying to figure it out
15:30What's new in Minnesota, I was like in 40s today you can see it in his eyes
15:37I'm going through some stuff. That's rough. So what else is new? Well