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🛠️
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00:00Well, I have to cancel the order then.
00:02Yes.
00:04No, no, five o'clock will be fine.
00:06Goodbye.
00:08Oh, Polly, Brenda can't start till Monday,
00:10so would you mind doing the rooms until then?
00:12Oh, no, I can do it with the money.
00:13Oh, good.
00:14There you are.
00:16Thank you, Mr. Bradley.
00:18Oh, hello.
00:19Can I help you?
00:20Yes.
00:21Gala, would you give me change for this, please?
00:22In one moment.
00:23I'm just dealing with this gentleman.
00:24Yes, Mr. Poston?
00:25What?
00:26Thank you.
00:27I was wondering if you could...
00:28I need change for this.
00:29In one moment.
00:30I'm dealing with this gentleman.
00:31But I have a taxi driver waiting.
00:33Surely this gentleman wouldn't mind
00:34if you just gave me change.
00:35Do you?
00:36No, no, go ahead.
00:39Thank you.
00:40There you are.
00:41Can you tell me how to get to Glendower Street?
00:43Now, I've booked a room and bath
00:45with a sea view for three nights.
00:47Glendower Street?
00:48Yes.
00:49You haven't finished with me.
00:51Mrs.?
00:52Mrs. Richards.
00:53Mrs. Alice Richards.
00:54Mrs. Richards, Mr. Thurston.
00:56Mr. Thurston, Mrs. Richards.
00:58Mr. Thurston is the gentleman
00:59I'm attending to at the moment.
01:00What?
01:01Mr. Thurston is the gentleman I'm attending...
01:03Don't shout. I'm not deaf.
01:05Mr. Thurston was here before you, Mrs. Richards.
01:08But you were serving me.
01:09I gave you change,
01:10but I hadn't finished dealing with him.
01:12Now, Glendower Street is just...
01:13Is there anyone else in attendance here?
01:15Really, this is the most appalling service...
01:17Well, I've got an idea.
01:18Manuel, could you lend Mrs. Richards
01:20your assistance in connection with her reservation?
01:24No.
01:26I've reserved a very quiet room
01:28with a bath and a sea view.
01:30I specifically asked for a sea view
01:32in my written confirmation,
01:33so please make sure I have it.
01:36Que?
01:39What?
01:40Que?
01:41Que?
01:42Si.
01:43Si.
01:44Que si?
01:46Que si? What are you trying to say?
01:47No, no, no, no.
01:48Que what?
01:50Que what?
01:51Si. Que what?
01:52Si. Que what?
01:53Yes.
01:55Who is C.K. Watt?
01:56Que?
01:57He's the manager, Mr. Watt.
01:59Oh, manager!
02:00He is?
02:01Ah, Mr. Forty.
02:02What?
02:03Forty.
02:04What are you talking about, you silly little man?
02:06What is going on here?
02:07I ask him for my room,
02:09and he tells me the manager's a Mr. Watt aged 40.
02:12No, no, no.
02:13Forty.
02:14Forty?
02:15What's wrong with him?
02:17It's all right, Mrs. Richards.
02:19He's from Barcelona.
02:20The manager's from Barcelona?
02:21No, no, no.
02:22He's from Iceland.
02:23And you're in 22.
02:25What?
02:26You're in room 22.
02:27Man, we'll take these cases up to 22, will you?
02:32Very nice stay, Mr. Forty.
02:34Ah, glad you enjoyed it.
02:35Polly, would you get Mr. Perkins' bill, please?
02:37Well, when will we be seeing you again?
02:39Oh, not for a few weeks.
02:40Oh.
02:41You're not by any chance a betting man, Mr. Forty?
02:43Um, well, I used to be.
02:46Only there's a very nice little filly running it,
02:48except I'm not a betting man.
02:50There's a very nice little filly running Exeter this afternoon.
02:52Really?
02:53Dragonfloy.
02:54Ah.
02:55Dragonfloy?
02:56Yeah.
02:57It's well worth a flatter.
02:58But pay your tax on it before.
02:59Well, delighted you enjoyed your stay.
03:01Yes.
03:02Very nice.
03:03Hope to see you again before long.
03:04Well, here you are.
03:05Thank you.
03:06Bye, Mrs. Forty.
03:07Goodbye, Mr. Perkins.
03:09Satisfied customer.
03:10We should have him stuffed.
03:13Oh, Mr. Forty.
03:15Three o'clock Exeter.
03:16Dragonfloy.
03:17What?
03:19Yes, good luck.
03:20Johnny, good luck with it.
03:24Morning, Major.
03:25Good morning, Forty.
03:27What was that about the three o'clock at Exeter, Basil?
03:30Oh, some horse he's going to bet on, I expect.
03:32You're looking very spruced this morning, Major.
03:34St. George's Day, old boy.
03:36Really?
03:37What a horse, have you?
03:38What's his name?
03:39Um, did you catch it?
03:41Dragonfly, Major.
03:43Going to have a flatter, Forty?
03:45No, no, no, no, no.
03:46No, Basil doesn't bet any more, Major, do you, dear?
03:49No, I don't, dear, no.
03:50No, that particular avenue of pleasure has been closed off.
03:57And we don't want it opened up again, do we, Basil?
04:00No, you don't, dear.
04:03The great warning off of May the 8th.
04:05Yes.
04:06Good old St. George, eh, Major?
04:08Well, he killed a hideous, fire-breathing old dragon, didn't he?
04:11Ran up through with a lance, I believe.
04:14Mr. Fawlty, Mr. Fawlty, is Mrs. Romano like she won't speak to you?
04:18Is problem.
04:19Ever see my wife making toast, Polly?
04:24Why did he kill it, anyway, Fawlty?
04:26I don't know, Major, better than marrying it.
04:28Marrying it?
04:29But he didn't have to kill it, did he?
04:31I mean, he could have just not turned up at the church.
04:41Good morning, madam, can I help you?
04:44Are you the manager?
04:45I am the owner, madam.
04:46What?
04:47I am the owner.
04:48I want to speak to the manager.
04:50I am the manager, too.
04:51What?
04:52I am the manager as well.
04:57Oh, you're what?
05:00I'm the manager.
05:01What?
05:02I'm the manager.
05:03Yes, I know, you've just told me. What's the matter with you?
05:06Now, listen to me.
05:07I booked a room with a bath.
05:09When I book a room with a bath, I expect to get a bath.
05:12You've got a bath?
05:13I'm not paying £7.20 per night, plus VAT, for a room without a bath.
05:18Where is your bath?
05:21You call that a bath?
05:22It's not big enough to drown a mouse.
05:24It's disgraceful.
05:26I wish you were a mouse, aren't you?
05:29And another thing.
05:30I asked for a room with a view.
05:32Deaf, mad and blind.
05:34This is the view, as far as I can remember, madam.
05:38Yes, yes, this is it.
05:40When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that.
05:44That is Torquay, madam.
05:46It's not good enough.
05:48Well, may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window?
05:53Sydney Opera House, perhaps?
05:55The hanging gardens of Babylon?
05:58Herds of wildebeests sweeping majestically?
06:01I expect to be able to see the sea.
06:03You can see the sea. It's over there between the land and the sky.
06:08I need a telescope to see that.
06:10Well, may I suggest that you consider moving to a hotel closer to the sea?
06:14Or preferably in it.
06:16Right.
06:17Now, listen to me.
06:19I'm not satisfied that I've decided to stay here.
06:22However, I shall expect a reduction.
06:24Why? Because Krakatoa is not erupting at the moment?
06:27Because the room is cold.
06:29The bath is too small.
06:30The view is invisible.
06:31And the radio doesn't work.
06:33No, the radio works. You don't.
06:35What?
06:36I'll see if I can fix it, you scabby old bastard.
06:44I think we got something there.
06:45What?
06:46I think we got something there.
06:48Do you by any chance have a hearing aid?
06:51A what?
06:52A hearing aid!
06:53Yes, I do have a hearing aid.
06:55Would you like me to get it mended?
06:57Mended? It's working perfectly all right.
06:59No, it isn't.
07:00I haven't got it turned on at the moment.
07:02Why not?
07:03The battery runs down.
07:04Now, what sort of a reduction are you going to give me on this room?
07:07Sixty percent if you turn it on.
07:09What?
07:10My wife handles all such matters.
07:12I'm sure she will be delighted to discuss it with you.
07:14I shall speak to her after lunch.
07:16You heard that all right, didn't you?
07:17What?
07:18Thank you so much.
07:19Lunch will be served at half past twelve.
07:21Manuel! Manuel!
07:22Why are you going to the betting shop today?
07:24What?
07:25Oh, don't you start.
07:26You go to the betting shop today.
07:28Oh, I see, betting shop.
07:29Now, I want you to put this on this little horse, Dragonfly.
07:33But big secret.
07:35Sybil, no, no.
07:38Oh, no, it's lovely.
07:40It's just a bit buttery with my skin.
07:43I think I need something more, more topaz-y for my colouring, you know.
07:49More tonal.
07:51Have you got Cosmopolitan there?
07:54Or page 42?
07:56You see, Burt Reynolds?
07:58Well, there's a girl standing behind him looking at James Caan.
08:02That sort of colour.
08:06Lovely.
08:07All right, I'll be in at eleven.
08:09Oh, Polly.
08:11I've got to check the laundry.
08:13Could you keep an eye on reception for me?
08:15Sure.
08:18Polly, Polly.
08:19Where is Mr. Fawlty?
08:20I don't know.
08:21What's the matter?
08:22I have money for him.
08:23He win on horse, but big secret.
08:25Mrs. Fawlty, shh.
08:26Well, give it to me.
08:27I'll give it to him.
08:28Shhh.
08:30Good afternoon, Miss Gatsby.
08:32Good afternoon, Miss Teague.
08:34Good afternoon.
08:35Good afternoon.
08:37Good afternoon.
08:39First they give me a room without a bath.
08:41Then there's no laboratory paper.
08:44Would you like some of ours?
08:46Extra supply.
08:48Yes.
08:49Would you like some of ours?
08:51Hello?
08:52Yes.
08:53There's no paper in my room.
08:54Why don't you check these things?
08:55That's what you're being paid for, isn't it?
08:57We don't put it in the rooms.
08:59What?
09:00We keep it in the lounge.
09:01In the lounge?
09:03I'll get you some.
09:05Do you want plain ones or ones with our address on it?
09:08Address on it?
09:09How many sheets?
09:13How many are you going to use?
09:15Manager.
09:16Just enough for one?
09:18Manager, manager.
09:20Yes.
09:21Testing, testing.
09:22Testing, testing.
09:24Yes.
09:25I've never met such insolence in my life.
09:27I come down here to get some laboratory paper
09:29and she starts asking me the most insulting, personal things I've ever heard in my life.
09:34I thought you wanted writing paper.
09:36I'm talking to you, what?
09:37What?
09:39Are you deaf?
09:40I said I'm talking to you.
09:42I've never met such insolence in my life.
09:44She said people use it in the lounge.
09:46Yes, yes, she's too old.
09:47No, no, no.
09:48Please listen.
09:49No, no, please.
09:50I can explain.
09:51No, no.
09:52You see, she thought you wanted to write.
09:54Wanted to fight.
09:55I'll give her a fight all right.
09:56No, no, no.
09:57Wanted to write.
09:58What?
09:59Wanted to write on the paper.
10:00Why should I want to write on it?
10:03I'll have some sent up to your room immediately.
10:06Manuel, that doesn't work either.
10:08What do you say to that?
10:11Turn it on.
10:12What?
10:13Turn it, turn it on.
10:21I can't read that.
10:22I need my glasses.
10:25Where are they?
10:26They're on your head, Mrs. Richards.
10:28I've lost them.
10:30They're the only pair I've got.
10:31I can't read a thing without them.
10:33Excuse me.
10:34Now, I had them this morning when I was buying the vase.
10:37Mrs. Richards.
10:38I put them on to look at it and I had them in detail.
10:41Mrs. Richards, your glasses are there.
10:44There?
10:45Well, who put them in there?
10:47No, no, no.
10:48On your head.
10:49What?
10:50On your head.
10:51Oh, no.
10:56I'm sorry about that, Mr. Kitty.
10:59Manuel asked me to give this to you.
11:01Oh, thank you.
11:03Not a word to the dragon, eh?
11:07Oh, Manuel.
11:08Get some blue paper.
11:09Muchos for 22.
11:13Are you blind?
11:14They were on my head all the time, didn't you see?
11:16Yes.
11:17Didn't God give you eyes?
11:18Yes, but I don't use them because of where the batteries are.
11:22Send my paper up immediately.
11:25Evening, Terry.
11:30Do you like Cavalier Rusticana, Terry?
11:33Oh, never had it, Mr. Fawley.
11:37You're in a good mood, Mr. Fawley.
11:39Had a little bit of luck on the Gee-Gees, Terry.
11:41Not a word of the troubling strife, eh?
11:44You seem very jolly, Basil.
11:46Hmm?
11:47You seem very jolly.
11:49Jolly?
11:50Yes, jolly. Sort of happy.
11:52Oh, happy. Yes, I remember that.
11:54No, not the nightmare this time, no.
11:56I'll report it if it happens, though.
11:58Well, you look happy to me, Basil.
12:00No, I'm not, dear.
12:01All that dancing about, singing and rubbing your hands.
12:04Oh, just my way of getting through the day, dear.
12:07The Samaritans were engaged.
12:14I thought maybe you were in love.
12:17Only with the old light of my life.
12:20Or had a bit of luck or something.
12:24Did Mr. Hawkins deliver the tonics, Terry?
12:26Yes, he did, Mrs. Fawley.
12:30Oh, your horse, it whines, whines.
12:32Shh, Manuel.
12:33You know nothing.
12:37You always say, Mr. Fawley, but I love you.
12:40You always say, Mr. Fawley, but I learn.
12:43What?
12:44I learn, I learn.
12:45No, no, no.
12:46I get better.
12:47No, no, you don't understand.
12:48I do.
12:49No, you don't.
12:50I do understand now.
12:52You know nothing about the horse.
12:55I know nothing about the horse.
12:57Yes.
13:00Which horse?
13:03Which horse I know nothing?
13:04My horse, Ditwit.
13:06Your horse, Ditwit.
13:08No, no, no.
13:09Dragonfly.
13:10It won.
13:11Yes, I know.
13:12I know it won, too.
13:13What?
13:14I put money on for you.
13:15You give me money, I go to wet your shoes.
13:16I know, I know, I know.
13:17Why you say I know nothing?
13:20Look, look, look.
13:23You know the horse?
13:24Er, Nitwit or Dragonfly.
13:26Dragonfly, that isn't a horse called Nitwit.
13:28You're the Nitwit.
13:30What is, Whitney?
13:31It doesn't matter.
13:32Look, it doesn't matter.
13:33Oh, I could spend the rest of my life having this conversation.
13:35Please, please try to understand before one of us dies.
13:40I trust you.
13:41You're going to forget everything you know about Nitwit.
13:45No, no.
13:46Dragonfly.
13:47Dragonfly, yes.
13:48Si, si, si.
13:51Eventually.
13:56What?
13:57Eventually.
13:59Er, at the end.
14:01No, no, no, no.
14:02Forget it now.
14:03Now?
14:04Well, pretend you forget.
14:05Pretend?
14:06Well, don't say anything to anyone about the horse.
14:09I tell Polly.
14:10Well, oh, that's all right, but don't tell anyone else.
14:12Not even me.
14:13You know nothing.
14:15Er, sir, don't do it again.
14:17Yes, ma'am?
14:18It's Mrs. Richards.
14:19The fatal accident?
14:22She's had some money stolen.
14:24Baffy, you've got to help me handle this.
14:26She's in a frightful state.
14:27I can't get a word in anyway.
14:28She's had 85 pounds taken from her room.
14:30I've said we'll search everywhere, but she insists that we send for the police.
14:33What do you do with someone like that?
14:34She just keeps on.
14:35Mrs. Richards, how very nice to see you.
14:38Are you enjoying your stay?
14:39There's no need to shout.
14:41I have my hearing aid on.
14:42Oh.
14:43Mrs. Richards, I've explained to my...
14:45I've just been up to my room.
14:4785 pounds has been taken from my bag, which I had hidden under the mattress.
14:51Oh, yes?
14:52It's a disgrace.
14:53I haven't been here a day.
14:55What sort of staff do you employ here?
14:57Mrs. Richards...
14:58If you knew anything at all about running a hotel, this sort of thing wouldn't happen.
15:01Well?
15:02What have you got to say for yourself?
15:05Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
15:07I haven't got it turned up enough.
15:08Basil!
15:09I say, Mrs. Richards!
15:13My head!
15:14My head!
15:15Has it come away?
15:18Did you bang your head?
15:20Yes, yes.
15:21Oh, dear.
15:22Let me have a look.
15:23You'd better go and lie down before something else happens.
15:26Why don't you call the police?
15:28We will the moment we've searched the room.
15:30My head has been taken.
15:31Yes, yes, I know.
15:32Try not to speak.
15:33Is this a piece of your brain?
15:3885 pounds.
15:39Take my head.
15:41I don't need your arm.
15:43I can get downstairs perfectly good.
15:46Down the stairs?
15:47Oh, well, don't stop when you get to the basement.
15:49Keep straight on.
15:50Give my regards to the Earth's core.
15:53Are you sure you can manage?
15:55And if you give us any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your nightdress.
16:00Oh, that was fun, wasn't it, dear?
16:01The odd moment like that.
16:02It's almost worth staying alive for, isn't it?
16:05It's nice to share a moment like that, isn't it, dear?
16:07It's what marriage is all about.
16:08I know.
16:09I read it on the back of a matchbox.
16:12Basil, sometimes...
16:13Seriously, do you remember when we were first manacled together?
16:18We used to laugh quite a lot.
16:20Yes, but not at the same time, Basil.
16:22Ah, that's true.
16:23That was a warning.
16:24I should have spotted that, shouldn't I?
16:27What was that?
16:28That was your life, mate.
16:29That was quick.
16:30Do I get another?
16:31Sorry, mate.
16:32That's good luck.
16:33Basil!
16:34Back to the world of dreams.
16:35Yes, dear?
16:36What are we going to do?
16:37Give it another 15 years?
16:38About the money.
16:39Do you think...
16:40Oh, she's left it in her room or dropped it or eaten it or something.
16:42We'll get Manuel to go through the room.
16:44My Polly can check the lounge.
16:45Wait a moment.
16:46I saw Polly with some money just now.
16:47Well, there you are.
16:48It was quite a bit, too.
16:49She was counting it in here.
16:52Well, it's probably hers.
16:53No, she's been very short lately, Basil.
16:55I'll ask her.
16:56Well, you can't.
16:57You can't just ask her like that.
16:58Why not?
16:59Why not?
17:00Wouldn't it be terribly rude asking someone if money is theirs?
17:01That would be so embarrassing.
17:02Rubbish, Basil.
17:05Hello, Fawlty Towers.
17:07Polly Sherman?
17:08Yes, certainly.
17:09I'll get her straight away.
17:10Hang on.
17:14Terry, where's Polly?
17:15In here.
17:16Polly, she saw you with the money.
17:18What?
17:19She saw you counting the horse money.
17:20She's just come in the window.
17:21Ah, hello, dear.
17:22There she is.
17:23Found her in here.
17:24As I was just saying, Polly, my wife would like to have a word with you about a slightly
17:27delicate matter.
17:28It's not delicate, Basil.
17:29Don't be silly.
17:30He thinks it's embarrassing for me to ask you about that money I saw you with earlier
17:33on in the office.
17:34I wondered if someone had handed it in.
17:36Mrs. Richards has lost some.
17:38The money?
17:39In the office?
17:40You were counting it, weren't you?
17:42Did someone hand it in?
17:43Oh, no.
17:44No, it's mine.
17:46Yours?
17:47I won it.
17:49You won it?
17:51On the horse, Mr. Fawlty got a tip on.
17:53I hope you don't mind.
17:55I...
17:56No, no, no, not at all.
17:58I didn't know you bet on the horses, Polly.
18:00I don't.
18:01Only I was in the town and I passed the betting shop and I thought, well, why not?
18:05Well, why not indeed, eh?
18:06Jolly good question, eh, dear?
18:07I bet you didn't let me put something on, really.
18:09You realize how much we would have won?
18:11Seventy-five pounds for a five-pound stake?
18:12Still?
18:13You know best.
18:17Those were the odds, were they, Basil?
18:19Yes, that's right, dear.
18:20Fourteen to one.
18:21I listened in on the wireless just to make sure it had triumphed.
18:23Enjoy your winnings, Polly.
18:24Thank you.
18:25Polly?
18:26Yes, Mrs. Fawlty?
18:27What was the name of the horse?
18:29The name?
18:33I've gone blank.
18:38Birdbrain.
18:40No, no, no, that came in third.
18:43Fishwife.
18:44What?
18:46No, no, small...
18:50Fly. Fly.
18:53Flying tart.
18:56No.
18:57No, no, it had gone off to a flying start.
19:00And its name...
19:02was Dragonfly.
19:10If I find out the money on that horse was yours,
19:13you know what I'll do, Basil?
19:17I'll have to sew him back on first.
19:19Ah, Major Simpson-Clark, my boy.
19:21Ah, so it is.
19:22Major, can I offer you a...
19:24Ah, very decent of you.
19:25Just a quick one.
19:27I'm going to a memorial service.
19:29Ah.
19:31Ties a bit bright, isn't it, Major?
19:33What?
19:34For a memorial service.
19:35Oh, I didn't like the chap.
19:37One of those.
19:38You know what I mean?
19:39Ah.
19:40Cheers.
19:41Major, could you do me a favour?
19:44Well, I know I'm a bit short on money,
19:46but could you do me a favour?
19:48I know I'm a bit short myself, old boy.
19:50No, no, could you look after some money for me?
19:52I want it on that horse,
19:53only Sybil's a bit suspicious, you see.
19:55She goes through my pockets some nights.
19:57Oh, absolutely.
19:58Which horse?
19:59Ah, Dragonfly.
20:00When's it running?
20:01No, no, it ran today.
20:02I want that on it.
20:03Oh, well done, old boy.
20:04No, no, no, could you keep it?
20:05Oh, no, no, I couldn't do that.
20:06No, no, very decent.
20:07No, no, no, could you keep it just tonight?
20:09It's Sybil, you see.
20:10Secret.
20:11Ah, present.
20:13Sort of, yes.
20:14Don't mention it.
20:15Mum's the word.
20:16I'll get it from you in the morning.
20:17Thank you.
20:18Understood, old boy.
20:19Cheers.
20:26Good morning, Mr Fawlty.
20:28Good morning, ladies.
20:32Hello, Fawlty Towers.
20:33What?
20:35I didn't say anything.
20:37Have you called the police yet?
20:38Excuse me, I'm trying to take a telephone call.
20:40Have you called them yet?
20:42Yes, yes, we have.
20:43When are we going to be here then?
20:45As soon as possible.
20:46They're very busy today.
20:47Busy?
20:48There was a lot of bloodshed at the Nell Gwyn Tea Rooms last night.
20:53Ah, certainly, yes.
20:54Mrs Richards?
20:56Mrs Richards!
20:58Telephone for you.
21:00Hello?
21:02There's nobody there.
21:03Hello?
21:04Yes, yes, I know she is.
21:06Yes, it's your sister.
21:08Look, you tell me and I'll tell her.
21:11Even the phones don't work.
21:12Your sister says you've had an offer of £87,000 for your house in Brighton.
21:18Eighty-seven?
21:20Give it to me.
21:21Don't be a fool, Stephanie.
21:23Ninety-two, seven-fifty, I said, and I'm not taking a penny less.
21:26You tell him that.
21:28Why don't people listen?
21:30Waiter, waiter!
21:32Can I have it now?
21:33What, old boy?
21:34The money.
21:35The money I gave you last night.
21:37What is all this about?
21:38You remember, I gave you some money.
21:40Just before you went to that remembrance service.
21:42Remembrance service?
21:43Yes.
21:44I don't remember that, old boy.
21:45But it was for a chap you didn't like.
21:47You know, he was one of those.
21:49One of those what?
21:50Well...
21:52Pansy?
21:53Yes.
21:54Which one?
21:55No, no, no.
21:56You were in your best suit.
21:58Was I?
21:59Oh, yes, of course.
22:00I went to the theatre, of course.
22:02Yes, yes, yes.
22:03With Winnie Atwell.
22:04Yes, yes.
22:05Atwell?
22:06Well, Marjorie Atwell and Marjorie.
22:08Marjorie.
22:09I always call her Winnie because...
22:10Well, because she looks like Winnie.
22:12She's not black.
22:13Black?
22:14Churchill wasn't black.
22:17Look, look, look.
22:18I gave you 75 pounds.
22:19You put it in there.
22:20What do you mean by telling me you called the police?
22:22I...
22:23You've done no such thing.
22:24Your wife's just told me you're still searching the room.
22:26Well, I thought she'd called them.
22:27You lying hound.
22:29Mrs. Richards.
22:30Go and call them now, immediately.
22:31Yes, but...
22:32Mrs. Richards, we will.
22:33The moment we've searched...
22:34Right.
22:35I shall call them myself, then.
22:37I've never seen such a place.
22:38All right, Mrs. Richards.
22:39Would you like to use the office, please?
22:41What?
22:42In here.
22:43Thank you.
22:45What?
22:48Get the key and check her room.
22:49Right.
22:50It probably falls here.
22:51What?
22:52It was in my pocket.
22:53It's in my new suit.
22:54It's in your new suit?
22:55Yes.
22:56It's up, right down.
22:57Yes, can I have it?
22:58I don't know how it got there.
22:59No, no, can you see?
23:00Because I make a point.
23:01I make a point of keeping my money in my hip pocket.
23:03Yes, please, please.
23:04What about it?
23:05Can I have it?
23:06Oh, yes, yes, yes.
23:07The money?
23:08Yes, yes, of course.
23:09Good God, it's gone.
23:10Oh, no, no, it's in there.
23:11It's in there.
23:12Basil?
23:13Here it is.
23:14What's that?
23:15I found it, Mrs. Fawlty.
23:16The money.
23:17Oh, that's marvellous.
23:18Mrs. Richards.
23:19What?
23:20We found your money.
23:21Major's found your money.
23:22What?
23:23Thank you so much, Major.
23:24There you are.
23:25I told you it would turn up.
23:26What is it, Basil?
23:27Better luck, eh, Fawlty?
23:28It's ten pounds short.
23:29It's ten pounds short.
23:30It's ten pounds short.
23:31It's ten pounds short.
23:32It's ten pounds short.
23:34It's ten pounds short.
23:35Oh, dear.
23:36It's not ten pounds short?
23:41Oh, my God.
23:44Don't worry, we'll have a whip round.
23:50What on earth do you think you're doing?
23:52I'll look for the missing ten pounds immediately, Mrs. Richards.
23:55Where exactly did you find it, Major?
23:56In my pocket.
23:57In your pocket?
23:58Yes, yes, not this suit, in my new suit.
24:00Would you mind if I popped up and had a look?
24:02No, no, not at all, not at all.
24:03I'll see if I can find it.
24:04It won't be a moment.
24:05It's in the...
24:08Did you say it was in your pocket?
24:09Yes, I did.
24:10Mrs. Richards, can I...
24:11What was he doing in your pocket?
24:12Can I explain?
24:13You're not explaining anything.
24:14You're completely loopy.
24:16Mad as a mouse's hair.
24:17Yes, yes, I am.
24:18Yes, I am completely loopy.
24:20That's why I gave him the money to look after.
24:22What?
24:23You see, there's been a mistake.
24:24That money there is, in fact, mine.
24:26Yours?
24:27Yes, as the Major will confirm.
24:28You see, I was saving it up for a present for my wife, right?
24:31And that's why I couldn't say anything just now.
24:33But I gave it to the Major last night.
24:34What rubbish! This is my money.
24:36No, no, the Major will verify what I've said.
24:38Could you verify that?
24:39What? What on what?
24:41The money I gave you last night.
24:43You know, for my wife's present.
24:44Remember, I gave it to you just before you went to the theatre.
24:46The theatre?
24:47Yes, you remember?
24:50That money I won on the horse.
24:51A horse?
24:52He's not here whispering.
24:53What are you saying?
24:54He says he won it on a horse.
24:56Won it on a horse?
24:57It doesn't matter.
24:58Do you remember me giving it to you?
25:01Think! Please, think!
25:03What was the question again?
25:05Oh, the money! The money!
25:06Do you remember?
25:07Manuel! Manuel! Manuel!
25:09Do you remember?
25:10I had some money yesterday.
25:12The money I won on the horse.
25:13Ah, I see.
25:14Tell Mrs. Richards.
25:15Tell her I had the money yesterday.
25:19I know nothing.
25:23What?
25:24I know nothing.
25:25No, no, no, no.
25:26Nothing!
25:27No, no, forget that.
25:28I forget everything I know now.
25:30No, no, you can tell her.
25:31I cannot.
25:32Yes, yes, tell her.
25:33Tell her.
25:34Please, please.
25:35No, I know nothing.
25:37I am from Barcelona.
25:40I'm not listening to any more of this rubbish.
25:42I'm going to finish my lesson.
25:44And when I come back, I want the rest of my money.
25:47Give it to her, Basil.
25:49I can't find it.
25:50Give her ten from the till.
25:51Right!
25:59What are you doing?
26:00I'm going to give her the shirt off my back, too.
26:02You see, I know nothing.
26:04I'm going to sell you to a vivisectionist.
26:08Now.
26:09Now.
26:11Now.
26:27Good afternoon, Mr. Poulty.
26:29Good afternoon.
26:31You've got a Mrs. Richards staying here?
26:37Yes.
26:39Oh, ah, bien. Seulement, elle a acheté ça hier et nous a demandé de le livrer.
26:44Le truc, c'est qu'elle a laissé de l'argent derrière.
26:47Elle l'a gardé dans ça. 95 quid, regarde.
26:51Le nettoyeur l'a trouvé ce matin. Il l'a presque tiré dans le sac.
26:55Heureux, hein? Est-ce qu'elle est là?
27:00Non, je vais le donner à elle.
27:02Oh, merci, Mr. Pauly. Au revoir.
27:10Nous avons trouvé son argent.
27:11Où?
27:12Elle... ça ne m'intéresse pas.
27:15J'ai 10 pouces sur le délai.
27:1710 pouces?
27:18Oui, c'est 95. Même si je lui donne 10, je suis toujours 10.
27:21Pour la première fois de ma vie, je gagne.
27:28Oh, Mme Richards, c'est merveilleux de vous le dire.
27:31Votre magnifique vase que vous avez acheté hier est arrivé.
27:35Rappelez-moi, l'argent que vous avez là, est-ce que c'est le vôtre ou le mien?
27:38Je vous l'ai dit, c'est le mien.
27:40Vous êtes absolument sûr?
27:41Oui, je le suis.
27:42Mais vous avez toujours 10 pouces sur le délai?
27:44Oui.
27:45Pauly, donnez-la à Mme Richards, s'il vous plaît.
27:50Qu'est-ce que c'est?
27:52C'est le mien.
27:55Qu'est-ce que c'est, Basil?
27:59C'est le mien.
28:00Quoi?
28:01C'est l'argent que j'ai gagné sur l'oiseau.
28:03C'est vrai. Pauly m'a demandé de le mettre dans le sac pour elle.
28:08Donc, c'est tout sorti.
28:10C'est votre argent, Pauly.
28:12C'est votre magnifique vase, Mme Richards.
28:15Vous m'avez donné cet argent.
28:17Vous l'avez gagné sur l'oiseau.
28:23Ça a coûté 75 pouces.
28:39C'est tout sorti avec cet électricien, n'est-ce pas?
28:42C'était une vraie vie.
28:44Seulement un watt.
28:45Il y avait plein de volts, comme ils disent.
28:49Bien, n'importe quoi dans les vêtements, oui.
28:51Ou en dehors d'eux, préférablement.
28:55Oui.
28:56C'est tout sorti.
28:57C'est tout sorti.
28:58C'est tout sorti.
28:59C'est tout sorti.
29:00C'est tout sorti.
29:01C'est tout sorti.
29:02C'est tout sorti.
29:03C'est tout sorti.
29:04C'est tout sorti.
29:05C'est tout sorti.
29:06C'est tout sorti.
29:08Oui?
29:10Non, lui allume-toi, vas-y.
29:13Je sais, j'ai entendu ça avec notre sœur dans la même salle.
29:18Non.
29:19Non.
29:20Basil?
29:21Oui, Madame?
29:22Oh non, qui les a vus?
29:24Basil?
29:25Oui, Madame?
29:26Pouvez-vous venir s'occuper d'un monsieur ici, mon cher?
29:2819!
29:30Il ne m'a pas dit où tu étais, Madame?
29:32La dernière était de 22, et c'était...
29:35I'm quite busy in here, dear. Are you very busy out there?
29:38I'm on the telephone, Basil. My husband will be with you in a moment.
29:41Thank you. So I'll stop work and come out there, shall I, dear?
29:44Oh, no, no. The Maltese one.
29:46Well, I'm glad that's settled then.
29:48No, no, dear. He was an Arab.
29:50Darling, when you've finished, why don't you have a nice lie down?
29:53I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, sir.
29:56I had no idea my wife was so busy.
29:58Fear not, kind sir. It matters not one whit.
30:01Beg your pardon?
30:02It matters not one whit. Time is not pressing on me, fortunately.
30:06Now, some information, please.
30:08This afternoon, I have to visit the town for some repurposes,
30:10which would be of no interest to you, I'm quite sure,
30:12but nevertheless I shall require your aid in getting for me
30:15some sort of transport, some hired vehicle, that is,
30:18to get me to my first port of call.
30:20Are you all right?
30:21Oh, yes. Yes, I find the air here most invigorating.
30:24I see. Well, did I gather from your first announcement that you want a taxi?
30:28In a nutshell.
30:29Case more.
30:32At two o'clock, please.
30:33Well, there's the number of the local firm.
30:34Now, please, please, could you get it for me?
30:36Because I never use the telephone if I can avoid it.
30:38Why not?
30:39Risk of infection.
30:40So, when I finish, right?
30:42Now, I have a rendez-vous at five o'clock at this address,
30:44which I must reach from the post office in Queen's Square.
30:47Now, as the map is sadly inadequate,
30:49I would be very grateful if you could draw me a diagram of the optimum route.
30:53Well, may I ask what's wrong with the map?
30:55Well, it's got curry on it.
30:56Well, look, it's perfectly simple.
30:58You go to the end of Queen's Parade and...
31:00No, just listen.
31:01No, I just want a diagram.
31:02No, it's really very simple.
31:03Well, I'd rather have a diagram if it won't put you out.
31:05Well, it does put me out.
31:06Well, I'd like it all the same.
31:09Basil!
31:11Right.
31:12Here you are, then.
31:13We do have pens.
31:14Here you are.
31:15We have actually got pens in the hotel, thank you so much.
31:17Somewhere. I mean, where are the pens?
31:19I mean, would you believe it?
31:21I mean, there are no pens here.
31:22I mean, this is supposed to be a hotel.
31:26Well, what are they doing in there?
31:27I put them there.
31:28Why?
31:29Why did you sign there, Mr Walt?
31:30Because you're always losing them, Basil.
31:32I am not always losing them.
31:34People take them.
31:35Well, they don't take them from me.
31:36They wouldn't dare.
31:38Well, I'm sorry I didn't guess that you'd suddenly done that after 12 years, dear.
31:41I'm afraid my psychic powers must be a little bit below par this morning.
31:44There we are.
31:45Don't be silly, Basil.
31:46It's written there quite clearly on the top of the box.
31:48Pens?
31:49It looks more like Ben's to me.
31:51Well, when Ben comes, you can give it to him.
31:54Mr Walt's in room 7.
31:55What do you think?
31:56Doesn't that look like Ben's to you?
31:57Not really.
31:58It looks more like Ben's to me.
31:59Look, there's a P.
32:00No, I don't quite understand this.
32:01Where is the post office?
32:02It's there, where it says post office.
32:04I'm sorry if it's confusing.
32:07Oh!
32:08P-off!
32:10You've used the abbreviation.
32:11Ah, the penny's dropped.
32:12Yeah, well, I thought it said boff.
32:14Of course.
32:15Yes, I thought that boff was a locale, you see, a name of a district, you see.
32:19That P looks like a B.
32:20No, it doesn't.
32:21Yes, it does.
32:22The little loop on the bottom of it.
32:23Excuse me, would you say that was a P or a B?
32:25There, there.
32:26Does it say boff or does it say poff?
32:27There, there.
32:28It's a P, isn't it?
32:29I suppose so.
32:30P-off.
32:31I beg your pardon?
32:32P-off!
32:33P-off.
32:34Who ever heard of a post office?
32:36Nine?
32:37What?
32:38Room nine.
32:39Room seven.
32:40Manuel, would you take these cases to room seven, please?
32:42OK.
32:44He thinks boff is a locale.
32:46He thinks what?
32:47You know, some zone, some province in equatorial torture.
32:54Manuel, we'll show you to your room, if you're lucky.
32:56Excuse me, excuse me.
32:57In how many minutes does luncheon commence, please?
33:00Twelve.
33:01Here, I'll write it down for you.
33:03Don't forget the taxi, will you?
33:04Two o'clock.
33:05Yes, and if anybody wants me, I'll be in the lounge.
33:07If anybody wants you?
33:08I'll be in the lounge!
33:10Anyone in particular?
33:11I mean, Henry Kissinger?
33:13Just anyone with a big neck?
33:14I don't know what it is about this place.
33:16I mean, some of the people we get in here...
33:18What's going on about?
33:19I wish you'd help a bit.
33:20You're always refurbishing yourself.
33:22What?
33:23Oh, never mind, never mind!
33:24Don't shout at me.
33:25I've had a difficult morning.
33:26Oh, dear.
33:27What happened?
33:28Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again?
33:30Not enough cream?
33:32Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long
33:34you didn't have time to perm your ears?
33:38Actually, Basil, I've been working.
33:41You know what I mean by working, don't you, dear?
33:43I mean getting things done,
33:44as opposed to squabbling with the guests.
33:46I would find it a little easier to cope
33:48with some of the cretins we get in here,
33:50my little nest of vipers,
33:51if I got a smidgen of cooperation from you.
33:53Cooperation?
33:54That's a laugh.
33:55The day you cooperate, you'll be in a wooden box.
33:57I've never heard such rudeness.
33:59Look, if you think I'm going to fall under some of the yobbos
34:01we get in here...
34:02This is a hotel, Basil, not a ball store.
34:04And it might help business
34:06if you could have a little more courtesy.
34:08Just a little.
34:09Well, I suppose talking to Audrey for half an hour
34:11helps business, does it?
34:12It was about business, for your information.
34:14Audrey has some news that may interest you.
34:16Oh, really? This'll be good.
34:17Let me guess.
34:18The mayor wears a toupee?
34:19Somebody's got nail varnish on his cats?
34:21Am I getting warned?
34:23There are some hotel inspectors in town.
34:27What?
34:29What does she know?
34:30That's all she knows.
34:31Well, how does she know?
34:32A friend of Bill Morton's overheard three men in a pub last night
34:35comparing notes on places they'd just been in Exeter.
34:38Three men. I'll call Bill.
34:39You don't have to call Bill, Basil.
34:41Just try to exercise a little courtesy.
34:43Come on.
34:44Courtesy.
34:47Papers arrived 40 years.
34:49Not yet. Not yet, no, Major.
34:51Sorry. Sorry.
34:52I'll never forget this.
34:58Could you do that in a moment, please?
34:59I'm on the telephone.
35:00But you haven't finished dialing yet, have you?
35:02Now, listen.
35:04There is a documentary on BBC Two this evening
35:07about Squawking Bird, the leader of the Blackfoot Indians
35:09in the late 1860s.
35:11Now, this starts at 8.45 and goes on
35:13for approximately three quarters of an hour.
35:15That's how you talk to me?
35:16Indeed I am, yes.
35:17Now, is it possible for me to reserve the BBC Two channel
35:20for the duration of this televisual feast?
35:22Why don't you talk properly?
35:24I beg your pardon?
35:25No, it isn't.
35:26What?
35:27It is not possible to reserve the BBC Two channel
35:28from the commencement of this televisual feast
35:30until the moment of the termination of its ending.
35:32Thank you so much.
35:33Oh, I see.
35:34Well, might I suggest then that you introduce such a scheme?
35:36No.
35:38I would just like to tell you
35:39that I have a wide experience of hotels
35:41and some of those of my acquaintance
35:43have had the foresight to introduce this facility
35:45for the benefit of their guests.
35:47Oh, I see. You have a wide experience of hotels.
35:49Yes.
35:50And in my professional activities,
35:51I am in constant contact with them.
35:53Are you? Are you really?
35:54Yes.
35:55Well then, is it possible for me to hire a television set
35:59to view the programme in the privacy of my own room?
36:01I beg your pardon?
36:03Have you the facility to hire a television set
36:05to one of your guests?
36:07Ah, good point.
36:08I'm glad you asked me that.
36:09Not as such.
36:10Oh.
36:11However, we do have plans to introduce such a scheme
36:13in the near future.
36:14Yes, well, there's not much use to me tonight, is there?
36:16No, but I'll tell you what.
36:17I'll introduce another scheme straight away
36:19along the lines that you've already suggested,
36:21by which I reserve the BBC 2 Channel for you tonight.
36:23Now, that's more like it.
36:25Ah, well, not at all.
36:26I mean, that's what we're here for, isn't it?
36:27Yes.
36:28Is there anything else before I call your taxi?
36:30Well, yes, there is.
36:31Somebody in there mentioned that you had a table tennis table.
36:34Indeed we do, yes.
36:36It is not in absolutely mint condition,
36:38but it could certainly be used in an emergency.
36:40Ah.
36:41It is to be found in the south wing,
36:42overlooking the courtyard,
36:43where there is, of course, ample parking.
36:45Ah, Polly.
36:46Mr. Hutchison, may I introduce Polly Sherman,
36:48who is with us at the moment?
36:49How do you do?
36:50How do you do?
36:51Well, wait a minute.
36:52We've met before, I think.
36:53Yes, I served you at breakfast.
36:54Oh, yes, and you spilt the grapefruit juice,
36:56didn't you, you naughty girl?
36:57And you moved the glass, didn't you?
36:58Thank you.
36:59Thank you, Polly, yes.
37:00Awfully nice girl.
37:01Very bright.
37:02She's a fully qualified painter, you know.
37:03Oh, really?
37:04Yes.
37:05Ah, good morning.
37:06Good morning, ladies.
37:07We do like to have girls of that calibre
37:09to help us out.
37:10It does add a certain...
37:11Well, would you care to partake of lunch now?
37:14Oh, goodness me.
37:15We don't worry about things like that here.
37:16No, sir.
37:17I mean, this is a hotel, not a Bostel.
37:19What?
37:20Have you...
37:21It's not half past yet.
37:22I was just saying to Mr. Hutchison, dear,
37:23this is a hotel, not a Bostel.
37:25Chef, I'll be ready, Basil.
37:26Leave it to me, dear.
37:27Leave it to me.
37:28Did you ring Bill?
37:29No, dear, not necessary.
37:30What?
37:31Explain later, but I must look after Mr. Hutchison now.
37:37Spanish omelette.
37:39Yes, and all on the plate, please.
37:40Not on the tablecloth.
37:41Ah, Mr. Hutchison.
37:43Oh, yes, I'm going to have you a Spanish omelette.
37:45Splendid.
37:46Yes, sir.
37:47I assume that all the vegetables within the omelette are fresh?
37:49Oh, yes, yes.
37:50Including the peas?
37:51Oh, yes, they're fresh, all right.
37:52They're not frozen, are they?
37:53Well, they're frozen, yes.
37:55Oh, I see.
37:56Well, they're frozen and they're not fresh, are they?
37:57Well, I assure you they were absolutely fresh when they were frozen.
37:59Oh, dear.
38:00Is there a lot of this nowadays in hotels?
38:02A lot of what?
38:03Yes, I'll just have a cheese salad, please.
38:04What?
38:05Yes, I only eat fresh vegetables, you see.
38:07I'll just have a cheese salad.
38:08Well, we could always do the omelette without the peas.
38:10Oh, no, no, no, no.
38:11I always feel that the peas are an integral part of the overall flavour, you know.
38:14And might I suggest that in future you avail yourself of sufficient quantities of the fresh articles?
38:19Look, we've been...
38:20Yes, yes, good idea, yes.
38:21Now, something to drink?
38:22Yes, I'll have a ginger beer, please.
38:24A ginger beer.
38:25And a glass of fresh water.
38:27Fresh water, yes.
38:28Mr. Hutchison.
38:29What?
38:30Telephone call for you at reception.
38:31Telephone?
38:32Oh, dear.
38:33Oh, dear.
38:37Good afternoon.
38:38Good afternoon.
38:39Is there anywhere you'd like me to sit?
38:40What?
38:41I'm in room seven.
38:42Oh, yes, please.
38:43Here.
38:44You go up, up, all right.
38:46Room seven.
38:47No, no.
38:48Yes, please, I'll show you.
38:49No, look, I want a table.
38:50A table.
38:51Or one.
38:52Oh, table one.
38:53Oh, please, yes, yes.
38:54It's table one.
38:55Sorry.
38:56Here.
38:57Table one.
38:58Yes, sir.
38:59Thank you.
39:00Si.
39:01Right.
39:02Well, I'll try the patty and the lamb casserole.
39:03You room ten?
39:04No, room seven.
39:05Oh, seven, si.
39:06Yes.
39:07No, no.
39:08No, this table one.
39:09It's Wednesday.
39:10Room seven is table five.
39:11No, please.
39:12Here.
39:13Please, sir.
39:14Please, sir.
39:15Please, sir.
39:16So sorry.
39:17Seven is what I think you say.
39:18Uh, for, uh, I, uh, you, uh.
39:19Como se dice en ingles.
39:20Pero solamente puedo ver los numeros cuando los tengo delante.
39:21The patty and the lamb.
39:22Si, patty and lamb.
39:23Patty and lamb.
39:24Patty and lamb.
39:25One ginger beer.
39:26And one glass of fresh water.
39:27Thank you.
39:28Thank you.
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