The Power Moves
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Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and global authority on power dynamics and men’s self-development.
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Transcript
00:00Power is a mean to an end, it's never the end goal.
00:04The end goal is to achieve your goals.
00:06Let's explain.
00:07I guys doing this video because I've seen a certain tendency in the manosphere and man-only
00:13self-development to sometimes prioritize power that often happens in dating and among red
00:20pill and red pill-like authors.
00:23So I'll give you now three real-life examples of how prioritizing power sometimes can cost
00:30you in actually achieving your goals.
00:32It's two dating examples and a social one.
00:35The first one, let's start with a date that I had set with a girl.
00:41On the date of the date, the lady cancels on me.
00:45It's okay, sometimes can happen.
00:47So I replied something like, okay, no problem.
00:51And then she rescheduled, which was very good and re-empowered me.
00:55It's a great sign, usually, when women take the lead to reschedule.
01:00Still, it was a power loss for me.
01:02I had a date set, she canceled, it was quite late, so kind of stood up.
01:08We rescheduled right there and then, and then I forgot about it because, not always, but
01:13more times than not, rescheduled dates don't tend to happen.
01:19On the day of the rescheduled date, I had something else planned and I forgot about
01:25this date.
01:26However, the lady actually followed up and asked me to confirm.
01:31Now, mind you, by this time, I had something else planned.
01:37What would the man prioritizing power, ego, or the alpha male type do?
01:45The alpha male type would say, me first, you canceled on me, you lost your chance, I got
01:51other plans, I follow my plans in my life, I put myself first.
01:56However, in many ways, that's one, prioritizing power, and two, prioritizing ego and ego defense.
02:03In truth, I would have preferred going with the lady, she seemed a cool lady, she was
02:08attractive, she seemed into me, I liked her, I would have preferred spending time with
02:14her and taking that shot at intimacy, to be completely honest.
02:19So why not?
02:21I confirmed with her and I changed my plans.
02:24Long story short, we went to the date, it was very good, we got together, and after
02:29the date, everything changed.
02:31Now she was really into me, she never ever canceled again, every time I scheduled with
02:37her, she would be ready to come, and generally always going for what was convenient for me,
02:43including meeting straight at my place and doing very very simple stuff, never dating
02:48outside.
02:49So dating on my terms, with a very cute girl, with whom we got along, win-win, but also
02:55very high power for me.
02:57So you can already see from this example that often, if you're a cool guy, giving up power
03:03in the beginning helps you achieve the end goal, but later you also regain power.
03:09So prioritizing power from the beginning can cost you not only in the end goal, but often
03:16also in long-term power.
03:19Example number two, I meet a girl and we go on some kind of instant date, and it goes
03:24well, then we go on a second date, there was a lot of romance, but somehow we didn't
03:29end up together, and then she texts me in very quick succession, I don't remember whether
03:36it was the same day or the day after, but very quick anyway, to meet again.
03:41But this time I went for power, and ego as well.
03:44My mindset was, meeting so often without intimacy, what do you think I am, your friend now, always
03:50available for you, so I didn't reply to that, and on the same date that she was asking me
03:57if I was free, I then saw her with another guy, and I don't wanna sound too judgmental,
04:04but to me that guy behaved very beta-like, simp type, and generally low power, I remember
04:11it was slightly, slightly raining, drizzling, almost nothing, but he had an umbrella open,
04:17almost all on her side, the way he was protecting her, the way he walked, the way he moved around
04:23her, to me it was very, very low power, also think of how that happened, she asked me first,
04:32and then that guy filled my spot when I didn't reply, so he was plan B, however, what happened
04:39to plan B guy, he got the girl, how do I know that?
04:44Because we were all in the same hotel, so for several of the next days, I also got to
04:49be reminded of how it ended up, and the guy ending up with the girl, and me not, and it
04:55wasn't very pleasurable, because she was a very attractive woman, so again, another example
05:00where prioritizing power meant that I lost a very good opportunity, and the guy was the
05:05more beta-type, who got the second chance, he was plan B, he still got the girl, in hindsight,
05:12it was not a big loss, also because, I think, she probably had a past of being a hooker,
05:19or playing around with men, and getting a lot of money from different men, how do I
05:23know that?
05:24She was such a good game player, she was really, really astute, the way she moved, she also
05:31led quite a bit, which is not typical for a woman, but it's a lot more typical for gold
05:37diggers and women who know how to play men, and she had several credit cards, including
05:42foreign ones, there is no fucking way, man, I'm pretty sure she was a hooker, I almost
05:48wanted to tell the other guy, bro, don't fall for that, it's not good for you, take a card,
05:54go to the power moves, but in the end, I didn't, anyway, it could be an interesting topic for
05:59another video, but let's stick to the main topic here, which is about power, before moving
06:04on to the social example, I still want to say something about dating, there was a popular
06:09red pill guru slash YouTuber, especially popular some years ago, and he championed the alpha
06:16male approach to dating, and he said that alpha males never approach, and I'm laughing
06:23because to me it sounded so fucking stupid, it's a case of taking a good idea to an extreme
06:30that doesn't make sense anymore, it works like this, because in a way he is right, when
06:36you approach, you often, not always, but often you lose some power, however, that is a case
06:44of what we were mentioning before, you give up some power in the beginning, but if you
06:50know how to play, if you're a cool guy, you will make that power and much more, if your
06:55goal is dating, not just dating around, but even finding a serious girlfriend, you are
07:00far better off meeting more women, even if sometimes it may cost you some power or some
07:07rejections.
07:08The idea of never approaching, in truth, only works, not even for very high value men, only
07:15works for famous men, even if you are extremely attractive and very wealthy, and with a great
07:22sculpted body, which would be the three famous sixes of the red pill, six feet plus, six
07:29packs and six figure. Women don't see your six packs unless you're approaching at the
07:35beach, they don't see your bank account, and even if you're tall or very attractive, most
07:41women don't come to you. Women only come to you when you're very attractive, if it's in
07:46very specific environments, such as clubs. And again, who comes to you? One, you're clubbing,
07:52so it's women who club. I would want to date long term a party girl. Two, it's women who
07:58approach often because maybe they've had some drinks. So you're basically meeting the
08:04players type of women and you are losing all the best ones.
08:08So this is a good example of when prioritizing power costs you. Because again, real life
08:14example, I know a guy who is short, bold, and who doesn't have any of the sixes. Well,
08:21no, actually, he's got a six pack. But again, he always approaches in cities, so you cannot
08:27see that. And that guy, even if he still dated a lot, blew past his goals in dating and had
08:35his pick of women. So there you are, the guy gave up power with approaching a lot, he got
08:39rejected a lot, but he achieved his goals and more.
08:43Example number three, in social life, I was in a group chat with several cool people,
08:48I will say, and many high value ones. It was, some types were business people, there were
08:53quite a few gamers, and in general, people into self development, working on themselves
08:58and advancing in life. And one day I received a message from one of them. And the message
09:04started with, yo. In that group, it came up eventually that I had a popular blog, and
09:10the guy then texted me privately. And he started the message with something like, yo.
09:17And then he went straight to ask quite a valuable question about my business. This guy was big,
09:24buff, gym guy. And my first reaction was, bro, who the fuck you think you are to come
09:31in me with you and ask for so much value without introducing yourself without trying to give
09:36something back, and, you know, by asking something quite private about the business.
09:42So I replied with, I don't remember whether it was, who the hell is this? Or who are you?
09:48But anyway, it was rather dismissive. But it was a lie. It was a lie because I knew
09:52who he was, and I knew the value he had and could provide. This guy was very, very well
09:57connected. And he was also well connected in the nightlife. Back then, I used to go
10:02out more, and he was managing the VIP tables of one of the most popular and coolest nightspots
10:10in the city, if not the utmost best and top club in the city. In that case, if I had not
10:18prioritized power, but if I had been more strategic, I could have gained quite something
10:24from him. I could have said, for example, hey, man, is this from the group? And then
10:28I could have said, oh, yeah, cool, look, it's a bit of a long story to explain that,
10:33but I usually go to this restaurant, they have great meal XYZ. If you want to join one
10:39of these days, we can talk about it. Think how strategic that is.
10:43Stop the video for a second and try to think about it. The first one, when I say, hey,
10:48man, are you from the group? That's like, that forces him, that nudges him, almost forces
10:54him to introduce himself. It's like a reminder, yo, bro, don't forget manners. So when he
10:59introduces himself, he complies to me and he re-empowers me. And then I don't give all
11:06the value by chatting. Instead, I tell him to come meet me. But still, it's framed in
11:13a good way. You know, it's inviting, I go to this restaurant, but it's good. If you
11:18come, we can talk more and better about it. However, when we meet in person, we also become
11:23closer. And it can be a win-win for both. It's true, I can and would explain more in
11:28person, but I also get more because maybe we grow closer or maybe I can directly ask
11:35for something back. Why not? That's fair. But ideally, we become friends. And then who
11:40knows, maybe I can access his network or maybe he gives me a table or just even helping me
11:47to get into the best club in the city. As a guy who doesn't go there with a girl, that's
11:52a big, big gift that one can give you. So there you are, another example where it can
11:57be easy to fuck it up by going high power. Now, the person who is not strategic, he may
12:03even reply, what the hell is this? And he may go around all proud. Who the fuck this
12:08big guy think he is to come and meet with you? But in truth, you are losing opportunities.
12:14You're losing opportunities for win-win, for advancing a life, for making friends and allies,
12:20and in general, to have not only a more successful life, but also a happier, more fulfilling
12:25life because it's well proven that the life with more connections, with more friends,
12:31with more, shall we say, partners, it's a more fulfilling life. It's a fact. One last
12:37important thing, as usual, do not go to an extreme. The last thing this video is doing
12:43is to tell anyone that power doesn't matter. No, the opposite is true. Power matters. Even
12:51in our examples, if you've noticed, it's not about being powerless. It's not about giving
12:58all your power away. It's about being strategic. Often it's about accepting a little power
13:05loss, but correcting as much as you can and then getting back as much as you can and re-equalizing
13:12everything or going up in power. And also important, especially for beginners, power
13:20and goal achievement and results are so intertwined that if a beginner starts going after power,
13:28for him, it's almost the same as if he were going after results. He will see a skyrocketing
13:34in results. So nice guys who go after power usually are doing okay because they are chasing
13:43a good proxy for results. However, more advanced folks always keep in mind that power is an
13:51end to a meme. Even for beginners, it's still good to keep that in mind. So naive guys,
13:57it's okay. Go after power. They don't lose much by learning from these other guys who
14:02put power first. However, as you advance, keep in mind the nuances and the advanced
14:08game because that's what you need to maximize your potential and to reach the peak and the
14:12top 10%. If I had to make a comparison, it's a little bit like routines. You don't have
14:20a routine for the routine. You have a routine for the end goal. And I'm smiling because
14:25I'm thinking about the optimization crowd that is so popular in self-development. One
14:31of the most popular questions in the optimization and over-optimization crowd is, what's your
14:37morning routine? To me, it sounds like it's not anymore an end to a goal, but it's all
14:42about the tools and the best routines and doing and sticking to the best routines. My
14:49mindset is, man, I couldn't stand being an employee because I was a slave of other people's
14:54schedules and routine. And now I think I'm going to build a cage of strictures around
14:59me by having to stick to routines. You fucking crazy, bro. Of course, I have some behaviors
15:05that I tend to repeat, but I don't have to. I often switch them around. And in general,
15:12this fluid mindset is far superior to the strict one. This type of fluid strategic thinking
15:20is in truth very Machiavellian. Welcome to the world of being effective and achieving
15:25goals, guys. Anyway, if this was helpful, please let me know. Like if you liked it,
15:31subscribe and let me know in the comments if there are any topics you will be interested
15:35in. And for now, thank you so much for watching, guys, and I'll see you the next time. See
15:39you. Ciao, ciao.