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Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and global authority on power dynamics and men’s self-development.
He founded ThePowerMoves in 2016 to help good men win—without becoming as*holes.
Today, TPM is the #1 site for mastering power, strategies, and winning at life.
https://thepowermoves.com/
Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and global authority on power dynamics and men’s self-development.
He founded ThePowerMoves in 2016 to help good men win—without becoming as*holes.
Today, TPM is the #1 site for mastering power, strategies, and winning at life.
https://thepowermoves.com/
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LearningTranscript
00:00This is the story of losing a girl, but winning the war, and the mindsets that go with winning.
00:06The story starts a long time ago, when I was still a greenhorn novice at life, and a pretty
00:11girl texted me that night.
00:13Now I always hated jumping to conclusions even back then, however, things started looking
00:20quite good between me and her.
00:22First of all, she texted me, and even though I was a novice, I was still power aware enough
00:27that I didn't text to her, yeah, we can do something together, or something like that.
00:33Instead, because she came to me first, I took the opportunity to make her extend and come
00:39to me even more, so I replied, I am going to club X later.
00:45And she took the bait, second text, she proposed that we go together, and then texting again,
00:50she proposed that we meet outside, and early.
00:55This was very good, because the frame was that of a date, we meet very early, we go
01:01into the club together, nobody's there, so we drink, then when people start arriving,
01:07we party, we're a little bit drunk, one thing leads to another, etc, etc.
01:12That's what I thought at least, and in the beginning, indeed, it was going very well.
01:17We arrived there, she sat very close to me, she was also buying her own rounds, good sign,
01:22she's not there to scrounge, then another girl I was kind of flirting with, and we liked
01:28each other, arrived also very early, I like that, by the way, because it was good display
01:34of preselection.
01:35This girl saw me and my date exchange a glass, and she commented, oh, you too, and that was
01:42a power move.
01:43Why?
01:44To understand, you have to think with the psychology of a woman.
01:48The frame was that me and my date were sleeping together, but if you think from the psychology
01:55of a woman, to sleep with guys you are not in a relationship with frames you as a slut.
02:01Plus, since we were not actually intimate, with that frame, she will gain one extra notch,
02:08which isn't even true, we were not intimate.
02:10So what happens there is that most girls with this situation, they tend to deny, they tend
02:16to say no, no, no, no, no, we're just friends.
02:19Back then, I could see these dynamics, but I didn't yet know how to control them.
02:24I didn't yet have the full power university system on my side, how I would handle it today,
02:29it's a different topic, Czech seduction university.
02:32But back to the story, the interesting thing is that albeit I didn't say anything, my date
02:38also didn't say anything.
02:40So she accepted the frame that me and her were in, at that point, with that extra green
02:46sign, I thought things are going down for real tonight.
02:50And indeed, things were further progressing in that direction until the protagonist of
02:56this night walked into the club.
02:58Even though I didn't have the full deep power moves knowledge, I could see this guy was
03:03a real killer.
03:05He had that eye intensity, piercing, unwavering, psychopathic gaze.
03:12I knew this guy's a killer.
03:14Back then, I didn't have the gaze power move, by the way, but I learned it.
03:18It's not always good to have it because actually most women, especially on first meeting are
03:24repelled by it.
03:25However, some are very attracted to it.
03:29Guess who was very attracted to it?
03:31My date.
03:32She was attracted to it like a moth to a flame.
03:36And I could sense the situation changed 180 degrees from very good to lost.
03:43Little bit later, as we moved around, this guy pointing at me asked, is that your boyfriend?
03:50Damn, even a game.
03:53And this time her answer was very different.
03:55I could clearly remember where we were near the bar.
03:59Her body language was angled away from me towards him.
04:03And this time she was very quick to let him know that no, we were just friends.
04:09Bang, shot down in flames.
04:12And this is mindset number one.
04:14I had no issue with her or with the guy.
04:19Mindset.
04:20Losers make it about people.
04:22Winners make it about the game.
04:25Losers are very low level, you and me.
04:28Winners, high level, me and the game, everybody included.
04:32As a matter of fact, not only I didn't have anything against her or the guy, but I even
04:38respected him.
04:40He arrived the night with a bigger group.
04:41I was still on my own.
04:43He never used that to, you know, throw his weight around.
04:46Some guys do that.
04:47But what I respected even more is that he never even looked at me.
04:53And I never looked at him either.
04:56And this is how top players play.
05:00Mindset number two, the competition doesn't even exist.
05:06Losers get distracted by competitors.
05:09Winners focus on constant progress and goals.
05:12I'll give you an example.
05:14I go out anywhere I go, I could see a ton of guys who are better than I am or higher
05:20value or better looking or whatever.
05:23And many guys think that way.
05:25And then it's no wonder that they have low confidence and self-esteem.
05:29Me, I never even saw those guys.
05:33And this is also why I rarely ever get cock blocked.
05:37You cannot get cock blocked by people you don't even see.
05:41Ghosts cannot cock block you.
05:44But back to the story now, albeit I knew that things weren't going well for me, to put it
05:49lightly, I'm still proud of how I put up a good fight that night.
05:53First of all, I tried not to show how hurt or pained I was.
05:57Hopefully I did it well.
05:58Two, I tried to show some social proof, even to display some proselection, hugging that
06:03girl.
06:04This was a picture from that night, by the way.
06:06And also when dancing, I pulled her to me, including pulling her away from that guy who
06:11again never even looked at me.
06:14He just let it play.
06:15But despite the fight, you know, that was gone unlikely.
06:19And that night I went home distraught.
06:24It was tough from almost in the bag to took her away from me.
06:28It was painful.
06:29And I remember that night, typing an email to a friend, drunk, telling about this story.
06:34But in the end I said, it's okay, you grow and learn.
06:38And this is mindset number three, it was not a front.
06:43Deep down, I was happy about what happened.
06:47I was happy because I knew I was learning my lessons, growing with hard knocks and getting
06:53better and stronger.
06:55I believe that in my core.
06:58And yes, just to be clear, there was a thick surface of misery that night.
07:03But deep down the core, I was happy and proud of myself for putting myself out there, trying
07:11my best despite the losing odds and taking my loss in stride.
07:15This mindset is also the belief that characters are built on losses, not on wins.
07:23And often so are skills.
07:25Mindset number four is that winners maintain that focus on the game for the long haul.
07:34Now when you put all of that together, this also ties to revenge.
07:38You are angry, you want to get your revenge, but you don't take it on the individual or
07:43worse yet on the woman, which is just so fucking toxic.
07:46Instead, you take it on the game over the long haul.
07:50You focus on yourself and the game and on constant improvement.
07:55So flash forward many years later from this story and a lot had changed.
08:00I was not a student anymore.
08:01I had moved to a cool, hip city.
08:04I was advancing in my career.
08:06I had a rotation of women and I was also getting ready to quit my job and travel the world
08:12to become a global player.
08:14To me, there was always the next step.
08:16Okay, I've done all of this in the West, which is a difficult market, but I wanted to gain
08:22that experience at a global world level.
08:25And then during this period, one day, I don't remember if I looked for it or if he popped
08:30up on Facebook somehow, because we had a lot of friends in common.
08:34Back then, people still used Facebook, posted a lot, tagging pictures, and I checked this
08:40guy's profile and I looked at him, where he was living, still in the same city, what
08:45he was wearing, what he was doing, who he was dating.
08:50And I couldn't help but think, huh, gotcha motherfucker.