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Video Information: 19.02.23, IIT-Guwahati
Context:
What is ultimate advice for marriage?
How to choose the right partner for marriage?
How to be committed in a relationship?
How to have a deep and spiritual relationship?
Is marriage good or bad?
What about sex before marriage?
Is it compulsory to marry?
Why should one must have a compelling purpose?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
➖➖➖➖➖➖
Video Information: 19.02.23, IIT-Guwahati
Context:
What is ultimate advice for marriage?
How to choose the right partner for marriage?
How to be committed in a relationship?
How to have a deep and spiritual relationship?
Is marriage good or bad?
What about sex before marriage?
Is it compulsory to marry?
Why should one must have a compelling purpose?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Does the person you are with encourage you to read?
00:07You have to ask, what does he bring for me? Roses or books?
00:12If someone has a stake in making you better, that person will push you towards books.
00:18Books are what we all need.
00:30Good evening, sir. I have had this question for really long and that is,
00:43after being born and brought up in their parents' home for nearly two and a half decades,
00:51one very fine day, Indian women or women in general have to leave their parents' home
00:57and are married off to start a new life from the scratch.
01:02They are expected to make a new home with their in-laws,
01:07leaving their parents' home where the former being absolute strangers to her just before.
01:14So, what are your opinions on this?
01:17Why do only women have to do this and can there be any alternative to this practice
01:24which can be suitable to both men and women as well?
01:29Incidentally, a question, you may clap.
01:41It's the question actually that deserves a clap.
01:45So, just very recently, I suppose two, three, four months back, I have answered this question
01:52and every time I pose this question, my response is immediately the same.
02:01Why must you, as a woman, ask this question to anybody?
02:11It's your life, is it not?
02:15So, I would rather bounce the question back to you.
02:20Why do you choose to leave your parental home?
02:27What is the need?
02:29Because, I mean nobody is tying your limbs and forcibly carrying you away to the other family or the other house.
02:40Women in some way walk out on their own, right?
02:43Even if they are weeping their hearts and their eyes out, still it's on their own feet that they walk out and go to the other place.
02:54Why do you choose to do that?
02:56What is the need?
02:58Is there a need?
03:00I mean you tell me, please.
03:04If I were a woman, I would never, never see the point in that
03:11and obviously never agree to that.
03:15How is it possible that my parent's house becomes a stranger's place to me
03:25and I start calling the other family as my family and some random fellow as papa.
03:33I mean obviously a random fellow.
03:36You can come up with cultural arguments and say, no the father of the husband is my own father.
03:44I don't see that, I don't feel that.
03:47Just don't.
03:49Mummy is a sacred word, is it not?
03:52Mother.
03:54Having called somebody mother, ma, once in life,
03:59how can you start calling somebody else suddenly as ma?
04:03Just because she incidentally happens to be the mother of the one your hormones have fallen in love with.
04:12So she becomes your mother, how?
04:15All this is quite a lot of crap.
04:20I just don't see the point in this.
04:22All this is quite a lot of crap.
04:25I just don't see the point in this and if you want to go into the reasons,
04:31the reasons are all very evolutionary and very material based on economics, nothing else.
04:41When you look at the woman as a factor of production,
04:48manpower is a resource in the economy, right?
04:53And the woman produces manpower in the form of babies.
04:56So the woman is like a factor of production.
04:59In the eyes of economics, that's how she is, right?
05:03The factor of production is controlled by its master.
05:10Factory is owned, a factory is something that produces, it is owned by somebody.
05:18The ones who owns a productive resource wants to keep it in its own premises.
05:26So the husband carries her away, he says now she will produce kids for me.
05:30So I must possess her, own her and keep her at my place.
05:35And for exactly the same reason the girl is made to now wear and carry the name of the husband.
05:43If you go to villages, even today, you will find old utensils and the name of the owner is etched on them.
05:56Seen that? Old utensils and they are carrying the name of the owner.
06:02And that is what is also done to women.
06:05Otherwise what is the point?
06:07Your mother changes, new mummy, new papa and new name also.
06:12New house, new mummy, new papa, new name, new family, new bed.
06:18Why? Are you getting a rebirth or what?
06:22So all this is just quite loveless economics.
06:27There is no life in it, there is no love in it and no self-respecting woman should agree to this.
06:35No self-aware woman can agree to this.
06:38In fact, forget about the woman.
06:41If even the man has any degree of self-awareness and self-respect,
06:47he will never want a woman to quit his family and start coming here and do all kinds of things.
06:54Let the man stay where he has to stay, let the woman stay where she wants to stay.
06:59And if they want to meet, it's good to meet once in a while.
07:03Right?
07:05I mean frequent dating is far better than cohabitation.
07:10Take it from me.
07:12Meeting someone once in a week is pleasurable.
07:17But when you have to look at that person's face 24 hours,
07:21then you come to see the real face and that is quite intolerable.
07:26Once in a week is just ok.
07:29Once in a month is still better.
07:31So, all that is quite nonsensical and I don't know why girls even today accept all that.
07:48That just tells me that the times have changed, the minds have not changed.
07:54We are not really progressing in the inner sense.
08:01Even though there is a lot of material abundance outside, internally we are still quite poor.
08:08And I really sometimes feel very angry at what women have done to themselves
08:18and all the things that they needlessly accept.
08:21I just don't know why a woman should simply allow herself to be a hostage to the past,
08:33blind traditions and forces of economics.
08:38Why she should allow herself to be, especially today, when she herself is educated,
08:45when she earns, she knows, she has knowledge, awareness, power, legal protection.
08:53All kinds of things are there.
08:55Why does she need to act subservient?
08:58Why does she need to allow her life to be destroyed?
09:03All that is quite unfathomable.
09:06It's just that we don't think over these things.
09:15It's taken as some kind of divine rule.
09:18The woman has to leave her house and go to some other place.
09:22There is nothing divine in this.
09:24This is just social custom and economics.
09:29And you have no obligation to follow any customs whatsoever.
09:34Your only obligation is your own liberation.
09:38You might have the body of a woman, but your consciousness is of a human being.
09:46You are fundamentally just consciousness and therefore your sole purpose in life is your liberation.
09:53You do not exist to appease a man or to produce kids or to carry the mantle of social custom.
10:00No.
10:07Any follow-ups on this one?
10:17Namaste Sir.
10:19Sir, I have a question related to what you have explained just now.
10:25I completely agree with the theory.
10:27I completely agree.
10:28But can you also suggest a way to explain the same concept to our parents?
10:35Because my parents are asking me to get married because they wanted to get me free from some kind of burden.
10:46So the same concept which you explained to us, we as a girl, I think every girl in this hall,
10:52even in this college will accept this phenomena and want to stand for their own.
10:56But don't you think that every parent will curse you after learning this,
11:01that we learnt this, I will tell them that I learnt from you that I will not leave your place,
11:10I will stick here even after marriage.
11:13What do you suggest on this?
11:19See certain things, certain things I can only force myself to imagine.
11:26So I cannot see how a father or a mother can do that.
11:35But I can kind of just by way of fiction imagine.
11:44My father, he never imposed himself on me or my sister.
11:48And my sister lived absolutely the way she wanted to.
11:55She is a very very strong person, very independent minded.
12:01And people call her the man of the house.
12:05So I can only imagine that there can be parents of the kind who can push daughters out of the house.
12:20And that's a very scary imagination.
12:23How can a father or a mother curse the daughter and tell her to marry and get lost.
12:35In that case take a place on rent.
12:38What else?
12:41I mean if your parents don't want to keep you,
12:46try renting a place, what else can I say?
12:50What I am saying is there should be no obligation to go to the husband's place and necessarily stay there and do all those things.
13:08Sir, as you told that we are bound with some society norms.
13:15So is there any, there should be some way that we can explain them because they believe in spirituality and although…
13:25You can ask them these basic questions.
13:28Why do you want to push me out of your house?
13:32Please tell me why must I go?
13:35And if they have a tangible argument, counter that.
13:40If they have no argument and simply say because that's the social custom, then they don't love you.
13:47Then they anyway don't love you.
13:50So then no need to go to the husband's place and also no need to necessarily stay in your father's place where you are unloved and unwanted.
14:02Quit both the places.
14:04The world is a huge opportunity.
14:06Live anywhere, stay anywhere, do whatever is the right work and fly free.
14:13Simple.
14:17Do I just hear people getting excited at the back?
14:21Is it because we are talking of marriage and girls?
14:24Yeah?
14:36Good evening Acharya.
14:59My name is Sourav Prasad.
15:00As we were talking about marriage, I got one question in my mind.
15:05Is kundali matching really needed?
15:07What's the science behind it?
15:09In India, most parents and society reject girl or boy solely on the basis of kundali matching and guna.
15:15Is it right or is it just another fear mongering?
15:19If two persons get married without kundali matching or if guna does not match, are they going to live sadly or any mishap will occur?
15:27Because people say astrology is a science and we believe on the science.
15:32What is your take on this?
15:34You know what is a science, right?
15:36You know when to call something scientific.
15:39If you think all this horoscope and astrology is scientific, go by it.
15:44Do you think there is any science in it?
15:46You know the principles of science.
15:48Are those principles used when you make a horoscope?
15:53Are you using Newton's laws, Kepler's laws, black body radiation, laws of thermodynamics, quantum physics?
16:02What is it that you are using to make or draw that horoscope?
16:08How is it scientific at all?
16:10So what science is there?
16:15Ask yourself.
16:17Also, it's a thing about your marriage, right?
16:23As a young man, I would suppose that you care for love.
16:30Do you care for love or the horoscope?
16:36They say that one mark of love is that it does not care for the future.
16:43Love does not care for the future and the horoscope talks only of the future.
16:51So where there is this kundali matching and all that, how can there be any love?
16:57What's the point in getting into a loveless relationship even if the kundalis match?
17:06All that is quite nonsensical, very loveless, very dry, very sad.
17:15Even in my time, there were a lot of couples in college.
17:21A lot of affairs would bloom.
17:25Most of them were caste compatible.
17:30The boy and the girl would first of all ascertain that the match belongs to an acceptable caste
17:41and only then propose and get into a relationship.
17:47This degree of lovelessness, it's all quite sad.
17:58And then the result of all that is a very wasted kind of life.
18:05You have to spend so many years, decades with someone
18:11and your association with that person itself is based on very dry, very flawed grounds.
18:21How will you live with that fellow all your life?
18:25Avoid.
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