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Video Information: 07.12.2020, Interview Session, Rishikesh, Uttrakhand
Context:
- What is the ultimate advice for the right partner?
- How to choose the right partner for marriage?
- How to be committed in a relationship?
- How to have a deep and spiritual relationship?
- Is marriage good or bad?
- What about sex before marriage?
Music Credits: Milind Date
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquiry-gita-course?cmId=m00046
📚 Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?cmId=m00046
📝 Read 3 handpicked wisdom articles, just for you: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/articles?cmId=m00046
➖➖➖
#AcharyaPrashant #आचार्यप्रशांत #Philosophy #BhagavadGita #vedanta #FOMO
➖➖➖
Video Information: 07.12.2020, Interview Session, Rishikesh, Uttrakhand
Context:
- What is the ultimate advice for the right partner?
- How to choose the right partner for marriage?
- How to be committed in a relationship?
- How to have a deep and spiritual relationship?
- Is marriage good or bad?
- What about sex before marriage?
Music Credits: Milind Date
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00When I was reading the works of Sri Aurobindo and Madhur, companionship and love, of course,
00:11such essentials of our lives, which have not been a success at so far.
00:17Wait, wait, wait.
00:18May I just interrupt?
00:21The essential is truth.
00:24Companionship is not essential.
00:28If companionship is a hurdle in the way of truth, you better do away with the companion.
00:38I did away with the companion.
00:41Companionship is not the final thing.
00:43The final thing is something else.
00:46The companion has to be a medium towards that thing.
00:52Otherwise, the companion is toxic.
00:57So companionship, even love, even love is not essential.
01:02What is essential is truth.
01:03I know many people would be hurt by this.
01:05Love is not essential.
01:07When you say love is essential, then you get into love of the totally wrong kind because
01:15you have taken love as the final thing.
01:19Then attraction and sensuousness and attachment, they become the names of love.
01:27So love is not essential.
01:28What is essential is being attracted towards someone who elevates you.
01:35If your love is of that kind, wonderful.
01:39Otherwise, the essential thing, the central thing, what is essential is something without
01:43which you cannot exist.
01:45That's called essential.
01:47Essence means core.
01:48Essence means self, Atma.
01:50Essence means the truth.
01:51So only the truth can be essential.
01:53Nothing else is essential.
01:55If love takes you truth, love is fine.
01:57If love is a bar against the truth, love is not fine.
02:02Correct.
02:03Yeah, please continue.
02:06Yeah.
02:07So, when I was reading their work, there was this thing that I came across, which was really
02:18thought provoking for me.
02:22They spoke about, Sri Aurobindo spoke about, he spoke about three levels or three kinds
02:28of partnerships, if you can call them.
02:32He said, there's one at the vital level, vital partnership, there is psychic partnership
02:37and then there is spiritual partnership.
02:40So my question is, how do I find the spiritual partner and how do I know or recognize?
02:46Just the same way you find the right Guru.
02:49Go back to that question.
02:50Okay.
02:51How do I know the authenticity in my core?
02:54You must know what you are seeking from the person.
02:57If you get it from that person, you are with the right person.
03:03What are you looking for?
03:04What are you seeking?
03:06If you're just looking for decent looks and somebody to accompany you to the movies, then
03:16anybody would do.
03:18But if you're looking really to not to make a waste of your life and if you're looking
03:24to someone who just refreshes you, gives you freedom from all the stillness we carry within
03:39from all these centuries, then you will find the right person.
03:46What are you looking for?
03:49So the right partner is not determined by the attributes of the partner.
03:55The right partner is determined and achieved by the intensity of your hunger, your inquiry.
04:05Just as I said, you go and ask the right questions from the Guru and if the Guru comes a cropper,
04:11you leave.
04:12Similarly, even with your partner, you need to ask certain questions, maybe not in the
04:18same way you formally inquire from a Guru, but the essence of the question has to be
04:26the same because the essence of the suffering is the same.
04:30Are you a different person in front of the teacher and a different one in front of the
04:34partner?
04:35No, that's not the same.
04:36So the suffering consciousness is the same, even when you are in, irrespective of who
04:42you are with actually, mother, father, your dog, your cat, the purpose has to be a one.
04:50The purpose is, I have to be better, not in the sense of earning more money, I have to
04:57be better inwardly.
04:59I have to come out of this inner haze.
05:03Does my dog help me with that?
05:05You have to be austere and rigorous to that extent.
05:11I know many people would hear this and laugh, that does even a dog need to be measured on
05:18a spiritual yardstick?
05:19Yes, of course, why must you keep a pet, if the pet is going to make your life hell?
05:27No, every single thing that you do, you must ask, is it going to liberate me from my bondages
05:34and my ignorance?
05:37Why must I wear a ring?
05:39Why must I wear an earring?
05:41Why must I comb my hair this way?
05:44Why must I take a walk to the shop?
05:49Why must I breathe?
05:52Why must I wake up every morning?
05:55Why must I do that?
05:56The purpose has to be liberation and one has to be absolutely one-minded on that.
06:03No wavering, no second thoughts.
06:06I know why I exist because I know how I exist.
06:11Once you know how you exist, you know why you exist.
06:17How do you exist?
06:18You exist in agony and therefore, why do you exist?
06:21You exist for liberation.
06:27So, it's not a complicated question at all, men, women all have this question and it has
06:40been romanticized endlessly and it has been turned into something mysterious, as they
06:47say these days, mystical, how can you know whether the heavens have really chosen that
06:53particular face for you?
06:55The heavens have chosen nothing.
06:57Your angst has to choose its doctor.
07:01But that's so unromantic.
07:03Am I supposed to choose a doctor?
07:05I mean, come on, I'm looking to visit a dyspathy, not a hospital, right?
07:11I want to go to Switzerland and you are sending me to Apollo Hospitals, I mean, why do you
07:17talk of the partner as a doctor?
07:20But the partner has to be a doctor because you are a patient, you are sick and you don't
07:28want to acknowledge that because you're pretty.
07:31I'm so handsome, I'm so tall, how can I call myself a patient?
07:39You are a patient, better have some humility and acknowledge that and then you will know
07:45the one to partner, otherwise you will be in all kinds of wrong relationships.
07:55And they come in the garb of the promise initially, but then it all comes off, I mean, promises
08:04anybody can make.
08:06The thing is, if I really want something, I'll test the promise, are those promises
08:11ever validated?
08:13Do we pass them through scrutiny?
08:15No, we don't, why?
08:16I'm not bothered, not bothered, I may write there that I'm very concerned about me not
08:26getting infected, but am I even bothering to ask that person, so are you vaccinated?
08:34So are you vaccinated?
08:35I don't even bother to ask that person whether he's vaccinated and I keep telling myself,
08:42I care so much about my health and public health in general.
08:47So all these are our games, we play with ourselves, we tell ourselves one thing, whereas we live
08:52a totally different thing, it's not others that deceive us, we keep deceiving ourselves
08:59endlessly.
09:05And the funny thing is, when we discover that others too have deceived us, we cry ourselves
09:13dry, how can you complain now, the very name of the game was deception, he was deceiving
09:26you, you were deceiving him or her, he was deceiving himself and you were deceiving yourself,
09:34all kinds of permutations, combinations and deception were happening all the time, now
09:39that something has come up, you're crying, explain.
09:56So once you've gone through the path of obviously stumbling down and then discovering
10:04who you are, even after that, there are, I mean, it is happening, so they will pop up
10:11in the garb of looking right, looking in the sense, not looking right, I mean, we are obviously
10:18not that shallow anymore, so looking in the sense, oh, all like, they're deeper than that
10:24and all that, so how do you spot a lie?
10:26Does an infected person look different from a normal person?
10:31No, no, no.
10:32So what do you do?
10:34You test, test, test, always carry RT-PCR kits with you, keep testing, by the looks
10:43you will never know whether the fellow is infected or not, you must test and how will
10:48you test?
10:49Through your own angst, through your own inquiry.
10:52So is there no depth left in the men anymore, I mean, I mean, I mean what, what is the game?
11:03If there is no depth left in the men and women are usually unable to see that, is there any
11:14depth left in women either?
11:19Had there been, I mean, generalizing, you are generalizing, I am generalizing, but let's
11:23play this game.
11:24If there is no depth in the man, and the woman still falls prey to the man, what kind
11:33of depth does the woman have, that's the utility of depth, you don't fall prey to shallowness.
11:48Without the real thing, nothing in life falls in the right place, at times we might be deluded
12:02into thinking that things are going well with us, they cannot, they cannot, even if it is
12:10happening, it is going to be very short-lived, and the end is going to be tragic.
12:19You can happily run your car on a flat tire for 2 kilometers, and then you can have a
12:38powerful steering, we have a power steering these days, and the engine is very powerful
12:44200 horsepower, and you are an insensitive driver, so you don't quite notice the vibrations
12:53in the vehicle, for 2 kilometers you can happily run the vehicle even at 60 or 80 miles an
13:00hour with a flat tire, that's all.
13:12And then when somebody calls you up or gestures from outside, hey, hey, you are such a fool,
13:19he is unnecessarily raising a scene, all these are conspiracy theorists, I am so happily
13:32riding my vehicle, and the fellow is warning me from there and playing it up, they don't
13:41like my happiness, that's what so many people verbally or non-verbally say to me, they may
13:52not say that, but it's writ large on their faces, we are so happy, probably you don't
13:56like our happiness, I want you to be really happy, I know the thing that you call as happiness,
14:09I know how deceptive it is and what kind of pain it would leave you with, therefore I
14:17am warning you against false happiness, I am not an enemy of happiness, I don't like
14:25the, this movement into deeper and deeper pain in the name of happiness.
14:55Personal problem, social problem, global problem, there is just one problem, unless
15:10we address that, we can have a thousand names to a thousand problems, and it's very easy
15:21to address that and very difficult to address that, because that problem is not outside
15:26of us, that problem is within us, that problem lies in our very build, so it's easy because
15:35the problem is near, it's difficult because the problem is within.
15:54You know in this book that I read David Epstein, it did quite well actually, it's called Generalist,
16:06why generalists triumph in a specialized world, so there are so many things, many times one
16:18is endowed with, like personally for me, I'm drawn to a lot of stuff, so basically
16:25do I do it all, is it possible to do it all?
16:33I'm drawn towards all the stuff in the pharmacist's place, which medicine do you, which sickness
16:56do you, which medicine you use to treat your sickness basically, first thing is acknowledgement
17:04of the sickness, that decides the medicine and that then rejects all the needless medication,
17:21needless medication is very close to more sickness, all that in ignorance of the real
17:40disease, I was talking more work wise in the sense, there's music, there are a lot of things,
17:48so even, doesn't matter, all these are objects in our sensory world, we need to know who
17:58we are and therefore what is it that suits us, skill wise at points in my life, I have
18:09been good at certain sports, I have been good at mathematics, I have been good at engineering,
18:17I have been good at management, I have been good at acting, what is it that I need to
18:29do, it's just not that I feel talented in some space, so I take that space up, talent
18:42is such a foolish thing, I would have probably made a good physicist, but is that the need
19:03of my consciousness, even today if I, if there is one thing that attracts me, beyond
19:22Vedanta, it's physics, I haven't taught physics and data analytics, but is that where my real
19:45need lies, is that where the sickness of the world lies, what does the world need,
19:53if I become a physicist, that's not going to heal the world, we already have enough
20:30of such things, but I feel so passionate about singing, now there's hardly anybody
20:48who does not feel passionate about singing, but hello, I'm not against singing, anybody
20:59in India who is not passionate about cricket, 74.6% India wants to get into the national
21:09cricket team, either cricket or acting or singing, those who cannot make it to the Wankhede
21:17Stadium, want to make it to the studios, either the stadium or the studio, so that pretty
21:28much covers the entire population of the country, hello, to hoots to passion, you see
21:39what you must do, not what you are inclined to do, being born in India, obviously you
21:48would be inclined to take the ball or the bat in hand, I too was inclined, that's not
21:55what I'm going to do. Or perhaps use your singing in a way that
22:03it is conducive to serve the purpose. Now, that makes sense, but then again you
22:11have to determine if your songs are just a means towards some higher end, then are songs
22:22the best means towards that end, if the end is the important thing, then are the songs
22:33the best means, if they are, continue with singing, if they are not, pick that up which
22:41would be most efficient in taking you towards your goal.
22:50So Meera sang bhajans of Krishanji too. Meera succeeded with songs in reaching Krishan,
23:01not everybody succeeded with songs in reaching Krishan, you have to ask yourself, is Krishan
23:09important or the songs, the answer would be Krishan, if you are honest, if Krishan
23:19is important, are songs the best way, if the answer is yes, continue with singing, if the
23:27answer is no, don't deceive yourself, pick some other way, if you persist with singing
23:36irrespective of knowing that this is not taking you to Krishan, then singing is more
23:43important for you than Krishan and that's bad. Good point, I like it, lovely.
23:54When Meera asked to pick between her bhajans and Krishan, what would she choose?
24:01Bhajans were good for her only because they were 100% aligned with her love for Krishan.
24:16Bhajans are secondary, Krishan is primary.