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~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Video Information:
Interview Session, 12.01.20, Advait Bodhsthal, Greater Noida, India.
Context:
~ Why is there such a need to be with someone?
~ How is marriage different from a live-in relationship? Is live-in relationship an unofficial marriage?
~ Is live-in relationship and marriage the same? Is live-in relationship harmful to society and culture?
~ Is live-in relationship expression of our freedom? Is live-in relationship against our religion?
~ Is live-in relationship sign of degradation of our culture?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquiry-gita-course?cmId=m00046
📚 Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?cmId=m00046
📝 Read 3 handpicked wisdom articles, just for you: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/articles?cmId=m00046
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Video Information:
Interview Session, 12.01.20, Advait Bodhsthal, Greater Noida, India.
Context:
~ Why is there such a need to be with someone?
~ How is marriage different from a live-in relationship? Is live-in relationship an unofficial marriage?
~ Is live-in relationship and marriage the same? Is live-in relationship harmful to society and culture?
~ Is live-in relationship expression of our freedom? Is live-in relationship against our religion?
~ Is live-in relationship sign of degradation of our culture?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00There is a growing trend of having live-in relationships as opposing to marriage.
00:14So escaping marriage, we are finding more people falling in live-in relationships.
00:21Is that a movement forward?
00:24Would that be considered something, you know, as good as something that would take us towards
00:34freedom?
00:37We are very good at playing with names.
00:49So if you are married to someone, you live with him or her.
00:58In a live-in relationship too, you live with somebody.
01:02How does it matter?
01:04Ultimately, you are living with somebody.
01:07Why are you living with anybody?
01:16You can choose the marriage route, you can choose the live-in route, you can choose some
01:22other route, you can decide to be part of a commune or some other setting, some other
01:29kind of gathering, a club or something.
01:34But the thing is about company and relationship.
01:39Why is there such a hungry need to be with someone?
01:45And when I say why, I mean why, it's a question, not an allegation.
01:52When I say why is there such a need to be with someone, we need to answer this.
02:03It's mostly about men and women being together, right?
02:08There is a man, there is a woman.
02:12When they are married, then they have obtained some kind of a social license, a sanction.
02:20The hold of the society is now loosening.
02:25The old barriers of religion and caste are slowly crumbling.
02:31And especially the big cities offer a lot of anonymity.
02:35So you can afford to be together without seeking the sanction of family or society
02:45and that you call as live-in relationship.
02:49In fact, many, if most, if not most of the live-in partners would probably not have moved
02:59into live-in had it been possible to somehow get married.
03:09Given a choice, they would get married, but because marriage is being opposed on grounds
03:13of caste, religion, economics or something.
03:18So they decide to live-in in an anonymous way.
03:22I am not saying this happens in all live-in cases, but in a large number of cases this
03:26too is the story.
03:30So all of a sudden it is about the desire to be with a person, whether in the married
03:36way or in the unmarried way.
03:39Why is there such a great desire to sleep on the same bed and live in the same room?
03:47What the hell is that person bringing to your life?
03:54Must that question not be asked?
03:58Even if you get married, what do you do?
04:00You bring a man or woman to your house or you move to his house, whichever way.
04:08What's so great in sleeping upon somebody's bed or having somebody else come to your bed?
04:17And is that not what the culmination of marriage is about, sharing a common bed and gaining
04:29the authority to slip your hand inside somebody's pants?
04:36Even the courts of law call that as consummation of marriage.
04:46So live-in is unofficially a marriage.
04:49Live-in is an unofficial marriage.
04:51Live-in is marriage not sanctioned by society.
04:54Otherwise what really is the difference, tell me?
04:59And we said many of the live-in couples would marry if marriage were to be made possible
05:06to them.
05:12Married couples fight and there have been so many reports of live-in partners not merely
05:20fighting but actually assaulting each other and even killing each other.
05:26If my memory serves me right, the courts have ruled that if two people have been living
05:35with each other since long in a live-in way, they are to be treated as de facto married
05:41couples and having lived in with a woman, if you drop her after let's say 3 or 4 years,
05:50you are even liable to pay alimony and such stuff.
05:55I might not be expressing the legal nuances very accurately but that's the gist of what
06:02even the courts have ruled.
06:07So there is not much difference between live-in and marriage.
06:11The question is, one, why do you need a partner?
06:16You need to ask that to yourself.
06:17Secondly, if you indeed do need a partner, are you with the wrong person?
06:23Are you with the right person?
06:27If you discover that you really do need the presence of somebody in your life, first of
06:31all the reasons must be very, very clear.
06:34You cannot just blindly go about inviting somebody into your very, very personal inner
06:41space.
06:42The reason has to be absolutely clear.
06:45Secondly, if you are clear that you indeed do need someone, then you need to very honestly,
06:50very rigorously ask yourself, the person that I am right now choosing, is he really right
06:58for me?
07:00To answer that question, you will have to move into the spiritual dimension.
07:06When you want to answer whether that person is right for me, you need to know who you
07:11are.
07:12You need to know what your deepest desire is.
07:16And then you also need to know what would really fill that desire.
07:23So you ask me, is live-in really an advancement?
07:30Not quite, not quite.
07:33It is just another kind of marriage, just another kind of marriage.
07:44Cohabitation is a sensitive thing.
07:50Living with somebody, cohabitation is a very sensitive thing.
07:57One thing that really changes your life this way or that way is the power of company.
08:03When you are living with somebody, then that person gains enormous power to affect your
08:12life in all kinds of ways.
08:14And you too get that power.
08:16So it is both a vulnerability and a responsibility.
08:20You become responsible for the other person's upkeep and you cannot do justice to that responsibility
08:26if you are not a spiritually evolved person.
08:30If you are someone who cannot take care of herself, how will you be sure that your presence,
08:38your company is not becoming an influence of sickness on the other person?
08:48So be very, very alert about cohabitation.
08:55Just don't start living with anybody.
08:58Be very, very conscious of your personal space.
09:04It is sacred.
09:06Not everybody must be allowed to enter it.
09:09I am not merely talking of the body.
09:13The mind is much, much more sacred than the body.
09:19The purity and such things of the body probably do not matter so much, but the mind must be
09:26kept virgin.
09:29Not every Tom, Dick, Harry must be allowed to touch your mind.
09:35Be very cautious.
09:40That applies to your friends and your family.
09:42That applies to your friends, your family, everybody.
09:45Very, very, very good interjection.
09:46Very good.
09:47Very good.
09:48So when you are talking of marriage and living and such things, you must first of all be
09:53careful about your family members as well.
09:56Now that makes it a little explosive.
09:59But then, as a teacher, it is my responsibility that this aspect too is brought out.
10:06Aren't you living with your family members?
10:09You aren't probably related to them in a sexual way, but the power of company, the influence
10:14of a person's presence on your life is still taking place.
10:22So see, what is the presence of other people doing to you?
10:30Similarly, when you are with a sexual partner, then the power and the influence are magnified
10:42many fold, but even if the one you are with is not your husband or wife or sexual partner,
10:52even if that person is merely a friend or a brother or a sister or a father or a mother
10:56or a relative, company would still show effect.
11:05So be very cautious of the one you are spending time with, the face that you are regularly
11:11seeing, the body that you are regularly smelling, the voice that you are frequently hearing.
11:18These are the things that would decide the direction of your life.
11:25So for the youth in this sense, is there a specific age where you just need to be alone
11:33in the sense that you know you have to first explore?
11:38Obviously, you must learn aloneness.
11:42You must learn aloneness.
11:43Before you relate with people, you must be very, very comfortable with yourself.
11:48If you are someone who cannot be with herself comfortably, easily, gladly, then kindly
11:57spare the other person.
12:00If you are not alright with yourself, then don't start piggybacking on the other and
12:06usually it is that way.
12:10You go to the other precisely because you are not okay with yourself, which is not good.
12:16At the same time, we must remember that we will have to relate with each other.
12:22We are not going to live insulated, isolated.
12:27We are going to be related, but the relationship has to be healthy.
12:32You should not become a burden on the other.
12:35You should not become a carrier of pathology to the other.
12:43A couple of things just as like for everybody who's listening, like if a youngster is listening
12:49to this, what are the ways in which they can take steps to learn to be alone?
12:55Like is it…
12:56Read.
12:57When you are reading, it cannot be a group activity, obviously.
13:01You and the book, read, learn to travel alone, watch movies alone, play.
13:14There is so much that can be done only in your aloneness and that would keep you, make
13:21you very, very strong from the inside, very fulfilled, very complete in yourself.
13:28Then you would not be approaching the other as a beggar.
13:34Then even if you approach the other, then even if you relate to the other, it would
13:38be a relationship of health, a relationship in which you have something to give, a relationship
13:47of joy, not a relationship of dependence and desperation.
13:51Where maybe everybody who you are surrounding are reading.
13:57Yes, yes, yes.
13:58We need to see a lot of young people travelling on their own.
14:02We need to see a lot of young people living all by themselves for very long years.
14:08Many, many long years.
14:11We need to see these things and we need to see young people who are much more socially
14:15conscious.
14:16So when I say they are living all by themselves, that does not mean that they are socially
14:20cut off.
14:21They are relating to the wider society in a purposeful, productive, creative way.
14:27They are not just going and riveting themselves to one male or one female and declaring that
14:34the two of them are their entire universe.
14:37And that's what happens, you know, when you say you are in love, especially when you are
14:41freshly in love, you say it's the two of us and that's our world.
14:45No, not that way.
14:47When you are really comfortable with yourself, then you find that you have gained the power
14:54and the expanse to relate with a hundred people, hundred people, without making any of them
15:00extraordinarily and pathologically special for yourself.