Malcolm In The Middle Season 1 Episode 10 Stock Car Races
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00:00What are you looking at, monkey boy?
00:07Ow! Ow, ow, Rhys!
00:11What are you doing?
00:12Help! Ow, help! Mom, help!
00:16Ow, ow, help! It hurts! Ow!
00:20Knock it off, you little...
00:21Rhys!
00:22What the heck are you doing?
00:24Honest to God, you can't leave that kid alone
00:26for five minutes without picking on him!
00:28What do you think? No!
00:30He was lying!
00:32I gave him that.
00:34Yes, no, maybe.
00:38I don't know.
00:41Can you repeat the question?
00:45You're not the boss of me now.
00:47You're not the boss of me now.
00:50You're not the boss of me now.
00:53And you're not so big.
00:56You're not the boss of me now.
00:59You're not the boss of me now.
01:02You're not the boss of me now.
01:04And you're not so big.
01:08Life is unfair.
01:12Honey, which juice don't I like, apple or grape?
01:23You don't like either.
01:25Uh, right.
01:27Malcolm, what is all this stuff from your teacher?
01:29That woman sends home two or three flyers every day.
01:32She says she wants the parents to be as involved as possible with the children.
01:36At school?
01:38It's the only break I get.
01:40What exactly is personal fulfillment week?
01:44Square dancing.
01:46That's right, square dancing.
01:48You should see it.
01:50The Crowboys danced on the tetherball courts in front of the whole school.
01:54We left her asses off.
01:57Excuse me?
01:59Butts.
02:00We left her butts off.
02:02Uh-huh.
02:03Open.
02:05Swish.
02:07Spit.
02:09It tastes like crap.
02:11Reese is right.
02:12This class is turning me into a total weirdo.
02:15You are not a weirdo.
02:17You are gifted.
02:18And if gifted kids are supposed to square dance, then you'll do it.
02:22Probably teaches you geometry.
02:24Don't forget to mail these bills.
02:26They're late.
02:27Oh, two blues, only one pink.
02:30We're doing better.
02:31Well, don't get cocky.
02:32They're hot until I deposit my paycheck.
02:34You kids, let's get going.
02:36Come on, Malcolm.
02:37You don't want them to start do-si-do-ing without you.
02:40That's it.
02:41For the sake of my manhood, today I'm ditching school.
02:44Hey, why don't I drive your boys to school today?
02:48Uh, that's okay, Dad.
02:50I don't mind walking.
02:51No, no, no, no.
02:52I really want to.
02:54A chance to spend a few extra minutes with my sons and join their company?
02:58Honestly, son, it'll be the highlight of my day.
03:01Come on.
03:04Great.
03:05Now I can't even be mad at them.
03:11Oh, Stanley.
03:13Let me show you how it's done.
03:19Uh-oh, eyes down.
03:31That was good.
03:32You didn't give them any satisfaction.
03:35In another six months, they'll be bored with you.
03:39That's gonna hurt.
03:40Oh.
03:41Almost right.
03:42I do get some sick thrill out of trouble.
03:45Ow.
03:46How the hell?
03:47That's gonna hurt.
03:48That's gonna hurt.
03:49Almost right.
03:51I do get some sick thrill out of trouble.
03:59Ow!
04:02Coming down on the floor.
04:06Ten.
04:07I smell smoke.
04:25Who is responsible?
04:32Very well.
04:34We'll do it the hard way, Patton.
04:54Francis, please lift up your right foot.
05:02Son, you have the worst attitude I've ever seen in 15 years at this institution.
05:12You seem compelled to break every rule, to flout every convention.
05:18You are never going to make it in the armed forces or anywhere else.
05:22Now, I was never fortunate enough to serve in combat, but I do know what it requires.
05:32Look at this dog.
05:35He is vicious.
05:36He is ungrateful.
05:37And yet even he understands the importance of obedience.
05:42Do you hear what I am saying, Francis?
05:45Yes, sir.
05:46I'll try to be more like a Jack Russell Terrier, sir.
05:51There will be no hot water for this floor for the entire month.
05:56You can thank the cadet after I leave.
06:00Ow!
06:17We swiped a bugger on my lunch bag.
06:21Dewey, what have we taught you about snitching?
06:24Only snitch when I ask to snitch.
06:27Good boy.
06:28So, looking forward to school?
06:31I guess.
06:33Well, that's a shame.
06:35Because we're not going to school.
06:41Where are we going?
06:43Boys, I'm going to share something with you I hope you'll remember for the rest of your lives.
06:50Now, I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I've been planning this for years.
06:54I just had to wait until you were all old enough to appreciate it.
07:01Hookers?
07:03If it gets me to square dancing, fine.
07:06Just sit back and enjoy the ride, boys.
07:10We're rebels.
07:12We're wild men!
07:14Ha, ha, ha, ha!
07:15Woo!
07:18Woo-hoo-hoo!
07:21Ha, ha, ha, ha!
07:23Ha, ha, ha, ha!
07:30Where did I put the damn paycheck?
07:35Check.
08:01Those guys are wimps.
08:03That's not even half the size
08:05the one I gave you just to get you out of riflery.
08:09Hey, thanks for pulling them off me.
08:11I owe you one.
08:13What?
08:15Hey.
08:17You wanna see something very, very cool?
08:23Oh, boy. What have you done now?
08:29Oh, isn't he beautiful?
08:31He only cost me $20.
08:33I'm calling him Otis.
08:35Did you listen to anything Spangler said?
08:37You're already in enough trouble as it is
08:39without bringing in a pet.
08:41Well, Spangler has that oversized
08:43gerbil.
08:45Besides, Otis is not a pet.
08:47Otis is a symbol.
08:49Of what?
08:51Of everything that is beautiful in the world.
08:53Independence.
08:55Free thought.
08:57I may be stuck here in this militaristic loony bin,
08:59but at least some part of me
09:01can stay connected to the things that give me my humanity.
09:05You're not gonna turn me in, are you?
09:07I don't know.
09:09On the one hand, you're probably gonna get caught.
09:13Because you always do.
09:15Then, of course, I'll be involved,
09:17even though I had nothing to do with it.
09:19On the other hand...
09:25It's a snake.
09:27Good man!
09:29I think I'm starting to bring out the rebel in you.
09:31Touchy.
09:33Right. Sorry.
09:35Stop car races!
09:47Oh, cool!
09:49That's right, boys.
09:51The real Field of Dreams.
09:53All the time.
09:55Stop car races!
09:57Oh, cool!
09:59That's right, boys.
10:01The real Field of Dreams.
10:03The real Field of Dreams.
10:05Only with concrete.
10:06Instead of all that grass.
10:11Here we go.
10:12Here we go.
10:13Excuse us, please.
10:14Here we go.
10:15Oh, boys, boys.
10:16You see that blue car down in front?
10:18Number 16?
10:19Yeah.
10:20That is Rusty Malcolm.
10:22The greatest man in the history of the sport.
10:25Maybe the greatest man ever.
10:27Fifteen NASCAR titles.
10:29Six world records.
10:31Inventor of the in-car urination system.
10:35The list is endless.
10:37And he came from nothing.
10:39Just like you boys.
10:40You see, this is Rusty's last race ever.
10:43He's retiring.
10:44So I wanted to share him with you before he went.
10:47So you can see for yourselves just how much you can accomplish in this world.
10:52With a little persistence and determination.
10:57You read that article in People about him getting a divorce?
11:01You shut your filthy mouth.
11:11You know, you were named after Rusty Malcolm.
11:14I was?
11:15Yes siree, Bob.
11:16Took me two kids to win that argument.
11:28Gentlemen, start your excitement, you guys.
11:32Here they come.
11:33Woohoo!
11:34Woohoo!
11:35Woohoo!
11:36Woohoo!
11:37Woohoo!
11:38Woohoo!
11:39He won!
11:40Rusty Malcolm won!
11:41No, sweetheart.
11:43That was just a pace lap.
11:45How many laps are there?
11:47Oh, hundreds.
11:49We've got four hours of this.
11:52Four hours?
11:53Uh-huh.
11:54Do we at least get to see any flaming wrecks?
11:57Reese, it's not about that.
12:00See, it's about strategy and technique.
12:03It's about the melding of man and machine.
12:07The wrecks are just sort of a bonus.
12:10Dewey, you can keep track of the laps.
12:24Can we go get sodas?
12:51What, already?
12:53Well, okay.
12:56Guess it can't be a special day without sodas, huh?
12:59Yeah.
13:00Oh, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
13:04Let me get your dad a beer.
13:06Take my ID.
13:07Come on, Rusty!
13:09Come on, Rusty!
13:22Firecrackers.
13:24Now I'll come.
13:26I'm gonna say Reese.
13:27Dewey, stay with us.
13:28You're gonna get lost.
13:41No, I won't.
13:42Yes, you will.
13:43You always do.
13:44You know you could help.
13:45I'm watching him.
13:46He's right over...
13:48Man, how does he do that?
13:49Totally your fault.
13:50He was right in your eye line.
13:51You don't pay attention to anything.
13:52I'll pay attention.
13:53Score!
13:54Score!
13:55What are you doing?
13:56Hello!
13:57Let's just go find Dewey.
14:10anything. I'll pay attention. Score! What are you doing? Foo flow. Come on, let's just
14:23go find Dewey. This place sucks. It's hot, it stinks, nobody's t-shirts cover their stomachs,
14:32and I'm bored out of my mind. Hey, look at that. Let's check it out. I don't know. It doesn't
14:42just say keep out, it says forbidden. And they wouldn't bother making it forbidden, otherwise
14:47it's something totally bitching on the other side. Wow, I can't find a flaw in this logic.
14:53Come on, what's the worst that can happen? We didn't do anything!
15:02I'm a diabetic. I need insulin. Sit down. You're such an idiot. It actually was pretty
15:13bitching. I'm totally getting one of these for Christmas.
15:16What does the sign say? No soliciting. Hell, that includes Jesus. No, it's Carolyn Miller,
15:38Malcolm's teacher. I need to talk to you. Yeah, come on in!
15:45Oh, spring cleaning. Oh, yeah, I'm cleaning house all right. I'm sorry to bother you at
15:57home, but when Malcolm didn't show up for school today... What? Malcolm cut school today?
16:03Yeah, actually not just today. Now, I know your first reaction is probably going to be one of
16:09things. Understandable. Great. Ditching. We have a winner.
16:22Anyway, this week we have been doing a lot of work on folk movement, and I think that Malcolm
16:30may be ditching because he's afraid that, well, that he may not seem graceful.
16:37Oh, you're serious? Yes, I'm serious. I think he may have body issues.
16:49Look, honey, you're probably very bright, but you've got a lot to learn about boys. First
16:57off, they are able to think maybe three minutes into the future, and it's our job to make sure
17:04that future comes crashing down on them within the time limit. Otherwise, they never learn
17:09anything. Help lift. What is that? Don't be such a baby. I'll get the tongs.
17:22I'll be Kevin. You be Clyde. Think you can cry? No, I gotta feel it. I got an idea. No. Just
17:40follow my lead. No worries. Whatever it is, no. Well, I guess you boys had some time to
17:51think about what you've done. Yes, sir. Look, I used to be your age, and I understand
18:00how tempting a place like that can be. And I guess you kids really didn't do any major harm,
18:07so I've decided to let you off. No! You idiot! Open it! It's locked. Okay. I think I can cry now.
18:14Open it! It's locked!
18:19Okay. I think I can cry now.
18:44My pleasure, Rusty!
18:56Hey! How about that, boys?
19:01Well, this just plain hurts my feelings.
19:03Oh, man.
19:05Oh, man.
19:07Oh, man. Stanley, I'm sorry, I...
19:09Wait.
19:10I'm trying to see if I'm inspired by a symbolic bid for freedom.
19:15No, I'm just really pissed.
19:17Okay, don't overreact. It's just a snake, right?
19:20So it's gotta be around here somewhere. No big deal.
19:24Oh, my God! No!
19:32Hi, Mom.
19:33I was just thinking about how much I missed you guys, and I love you, and...
19:38I was thinking I should come for a visit. You know, like, today.
19:41There's a flight leaving in half an hour, and I already booked it, so I just need your credit card number to...
19:46Well, honey, here's the thing. Right now, you are actually better off being as far away from me as possible.
19:53But you gotta trust me on this one, Francis.
19:56Or, uh, should I say...
19:59Olaf Mortensen of Wheatville, Montana.
20:08You know, I have learned more in two hours with you than I have in six years of teaching.
20:14So, did your life turn out anything at all like you planned?
20:19Oh, God, no.
20:22Oh, when I was a girl, I had all these crazy, romantic dreams.
20:28I wanted to be a blackjack dealer in an Indian reservation.
20:33Didn't work out.
20:35Stubby thumbs.
20:37Well, at least you have your home and your family.
20:40All I come home to every night are three howling cats and...
20:43Bob.
20:45Who's Bob?
20:46My shower head.
20:57Do you have anything stronger?
20:59I'm way ahead of ya.
21:00I'm way ahead of ya.
21:02And it was like Rusty Mountain to win his final race.
21:06Nasty!
21:10I can't believe we're missing this.
21:11What happened?
21:27What happened?
21:28What happened?
21:32Rusty, do something?
21:34Missed it.
21:36What did he do?
21:42Man, a terrible tragedy has befallen us.
21:47At approximately 1,700 hours,
21:54our beloved Patton was set upon by a serpent and devoured.
22:01I myself fired a few rounds as it slithered away,
22:06but hampered by a lack of depth perception,
22:09my efforts were useless.
22:13Now,
22:15after an incident such as this,
22:19certain questions arise,
22:22leaving aside for the moment why God feels the need
22:26to take away everything that I love,
22:29that leaves us with the matter of
22:32who is responsible.
22:39Can you explain that, Francis?
22:42Yes, sir. I believe you lost that finger
22:44trying to restart the school lawnmower, sir.
22:47What is in the hand?
22:49They appear to be raisinets, sir.
22:50They are snake drawings found in your footlocker.
22:56Now, what do you have to say for yourself?
22:59Sir, I'm obviously the victim of an elaborate conspiracy to frame me.
23:04It's just too perfect, sir.
23:08Two months!
23:10No hot water, no television,
23:12and an 8 p.m. curfew for the entire academy!
23:19Feel free to thank the cadet after I leave.
23:29Could I ask one favor?
23:30Would you send a picture to my mom with,
23:32I told you so, written across it?
23:34Yeah!
23:36Way to go, man!
23:39What?
23:41We hated that yappy little rat!
23:43Let's hear it for Francis, you guys!
23:45Yeah!
23:53This is an introvert, right?
23:56Batman!
23:58Reese!
24:00Malcolm!
24:01Duke!
24:04Hi, Dad!
24:06Hi.
24:07Where are your brothers?
24:14Oh, jeez.
24:16Come on.
24:18Ah.
24:20What seems to be the trouble here, Officer, uh, Carl?
24:24These your boys?
24:25Ah, yes, sir, that they are.
24:26Fine boys, couldn't be prouder of them.
24:27For your information, these are two of the worst kids I have ever encountered in my life.
24:32And I worked at the State Fair.
24:34Really?
24:35You see, that must be fascinating, seeing people from all over, the different cultures.
24:40Hey, I don't want to be a hard case here, but these kids physically attacked me.
24:44Uh-huh, uh-huh.
24:45Plus, they completely destroyed a $300 pneumatic drill, which someone's gonna pay for it.
24:49You know what?
24:50Well, this all sounds pretty serious.
24:53But don't you worry, Officer Carl, they are gonna hear all about it when I get them home.
24:58You see, I'm just sorry that they had to put you through all of this.
25:02That's not fair.
25:03And I, uh...
25:04See, I fully intend to pay for...
25:06Ah!
25:07Ow!
25:08Oh!
25:09Hi, Kevin!
25:10Get to the car!
25:11Ah!
25:12No!
25:13No!
25:14No!
25:18Oh, my goodness.
25:20Okay.
25:22All right, Ben.
25:24Well, I hope you've all learned something today, huh?
25:29I learned my dad is actually capable of doing something cool.
25:33I'm not saying violence is cool, but that was cool.
25:37I always wonder where we got it from.
25:39Program.
25:40Tickets.
25:45Hm.
25:46Your mother's paycheck.
25:49Now, boys, remember, as far as your mom knows,
25:53I have been at work all day.
25:55All right.
25:59Okay, go on.
26:01All right.
26:14Well, at least she doesn't know I skipped school all week.
26:25So here we go.
26:26Don't wait here.
26:27Mom,Дubass.
26:28We'll see you later.
26:29We'll wait here.
26:31We'll see you later.
26:32All right, Robin.