Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 22 Mini-Bike
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00:00Did you ever get that football jersey?
00:02I can't remember.
00:04Well, you know, honey, the boys got so much for Christmas last year,
00:07they don't even appreciate what they have.
00:10If we save it for his birthday, it'll be that much more special.
00:13Hal, this one's for you.
00:15Oh, boy!
00:16You did give me that DVD player I've been hoping for.
00:20I thought you forgot!
00:22To be honest with you, I've been holding your crutch for months.
00:25Now I get to watch all those DVDs I've got hidden in the garage.
00:30Oh, jumper cables.
00:38Thank you, honey.
01:00You're not the boss of me now.
01:02You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
01:07You're not the boss of me now.
01:10You're not the boss of me now.
01:13You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
01:20Life is unfair.
01:22Oh, this is ridiculous.
01:30Craig has been in there for 45 minutes.
01:33God, I hope I get it.
01:35I hope I get it.
01:37How many people does he need?
01:39How long is he going to be living?
01:41Look, we have to be patient with him.
01:43We burn the man's house down.
01:44How many boys, how many girls, how many people does he look at all the people, at all the people.
01:52He doesn't like the way I look.
01:54He doesn't like the way I dance.
01:55He doesn't like the way I...
01:57That's it.
01:57We're opening the door.
01:58Someone go get me a coat hanger.
01:59I did that yesterday, Dad.
02:01Trust me, don't go in there.
02:03He's done when he's done.
02:05Hey, everyone.
02:11Say good morning, Joey Bean.
02:19Oh, dear Lord.
02:24We burned his house down.
02:29You know, I'm really excited about this father-son weekend at Marlon.
02:32and spend some time with Francis, do some male bonding, maybe even a survival hike.
02:39You have your fluffy pillow?
02:40Right here.
02:42I'm really going to miss you.
02:44Oh.
02:46Come with me.
02:47I can't.
02:48I'm not allowed.
02:51Fathers and sons only.
02:53Well, I'll hide you.
02:56No one will know.
02:58You can be my dirty little secret.
03:02Now, this is nice.
03:10And don't you worry about a thing, Hal.
03:12I'll take as good care of your house as you did mine.
03:15I'm just kidding.
03:17I won't burn your house down.
03:18But that's all in the past.
03:20Totally forgotten.
03:21I better get going, though.
03:23Don't want to be late.
03:24Thanks.
03:25Bye, honey.
03:26Bye.
03:27Bye.
03:27Bye.
03:27Bye.
03:27Bye.
03:27Bye.
03:32Bye.
03:33Lois, I'm aware this isn't the most comfortable situation here.
03:39Having me around all the time.
03:40The forbidden fruit, as it were.
03:43Especially now with Hal gone.
03:44Yeah, Craig, it's not...
03:45Whatever feelings we shared, that's in the past.
03:51That part of us is dead now.
03:53Craig, I...
03:53Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
03:55Let's not rekindle them.
04:01You know, if you're not allowed to keep a squirrel in your locker, you should put beside it.
04:06I'm not psychic.
04:07I can't read minds.
04:12Look!
04:13No, Dewey.
04:14Let's go.
04:15No, it's a minibike.
04:16Someone's just throwing it away.
04:21Man, that would be so cool to have.
04:43Yeah!
04:46Wait, wait, wait.
05:02You can't throw that out.
05:04This is a piece of trash.
05:07What are you talking about?
05:08That's not trash.
05:10You don't know what trash is.
05:12I am a garbage man.
05:14Look, why don't you give us the bike?
05:15Maybe we can fix it up or something.
05:18What's it worth to you?
05:20What?
05:21We don't have any money.
05:23You're just about to throw it away.
05:25Give you 30 bucks.
05:26Go on.
05:28Where'd you get 30 bucks?
05:30What are you, cop?
05:31Hey, Los.
05:44It's fighting public time.
05:48Craig, I have to work late tonight.
05:50Would you mind feeding the boys?
05:51No problem.
05:52Thanks.
05:52So, uh, I'm in charge then.
05:56All you have to do is fix them some dinner.
05:58Right.
05:59But I'm completely in charge.
06:00They gotta listen to me.
06:03Dance for me.
06:04That's right.
06:05Dance.
06:06Why?
06:07Because I'm in charge.
06:08That's why.
06:08We burned his house down here.
06:14Look at it.
06:16It was just 30.
06:17The paint job's perfect.
06:18And all it needs is a spark plug and a carburetor.
06:22Then it'll be working.
06:23We can get this stuff off Dad's lawnmower.
06:25This minibike is the coolest thing we've ever had in our lives.
06:28This totally makes up for all the years of crap.
06:31This is the only thing I've ever shared.
06:34This is the only thing we've had that's worth sharing.
06:36The first thing I'm going to do is go down to Principal Little Doe's house and cut donuts on his front lawn.
06:41Okay.
06:42Why don't you take it tomorrow and Wednesday and I'll take it on...
06:45Excuse me?
06:46What?
06:47What are you doing?
06:48Nothing.
06:49I'm just making up a schedule.
06:51Why do you get to make up the schedule?
06:53What's the problem?
06:54I'm giving you the first day.
06:55So what?
06:57You're not the boss of everyone.
06:59Look, I'm the one who put together the engine.
07:01Well, I'm the one that paid for it.
07:03You wouldn't even have it.
07:05I didn't see it.
07:06Shut up, Dewey.
07:07You shut up.
07:08Look, it's not even fixed yet.
07:10There's no point in fighting over...
07:11I do on Sundays.
07:12You do not.
07:14Dewey, you're too short to even ride it.
07:17I'm in the 40th percentile.
07:21You're too stupid to ride it.
07:23You guys chill out.
07:24Shut up.
07:25Yeah, Malcolm.
07:26You may be able to boss it on your loser Crailboines.
07:30But normal people don't have to listen to you.
07:32We're talking and hit him.
07:36You don't have any friends.
07:42Mom told you you're never allowed to talk about that.
07:44Let's have a hand for Cadet Drew and his father, Durette, from the showrooms of Atlantic City.
08:05That was just riveting.
08:11And now we have a few more awards to give out.
08:16Now, now, we have a lot of students and they all deserve recognition.
08:21The award for the best history essay by a junior or sophomore goes to Cadet Eric.
08:39Congratulations.
08:41Thanks.
08:42We're so proud of our Eric.
08:44We're the luckiest dads in the world.
08:48Oh, really?
08:49It was a great essay.
08:51I had a shot at the sea till he screwed up the curve.
08:56They sure are giving out a lot of awards, eh?
08:59Yeah, I'm sorry.
09:00This is just ridiculous.
09:01He gives these things out like candy.
09:03And now, the award for the cadet who has shown the most improvement.
09:10This young lad came to Marlin as a delinquent jack-a-ninny without the slightest sign of potential.
09:18And yet, in a mere year and a half, he has started to turn himself around.
09:26He's not all the way there yet.
09:30But he is on the path to becoming an outstanding member of the Marlin family.
09:37I proudly present Cadet Gordy.
09:42This is nice, you know?
09:59Sit around with family, eating together, sharing.
10:03What did you do today, buddy?
10:06Nothing.
10:07I'm too short.
10:09I wouldn't worry about that sport.
10:11I bet you probably have the biggest head in your whole class.
10:14Am I too stupid to have some more peas?
10:17I don't think there are any rules on that, chief.
10:25Yeah, this is nice.
10:28I remember when I was your age.
10:30Not a care in the world.
10:33Me and my imaginary brother, outside in the yard, building forts all day.
10:39Yep.
10:41Good times.
10:42Where do you think you're going?
10:45To the garage.
10:46You're not alone, you're not.
10:48I'm coming too.
10:51You're all excused.
10:55Kiss.
10:57Hey, genius.
10:58Gonna be done any time this year?
11:00If you had to just shut up and left me alone and be fixed by now.
11:03You two disgust me.
11:08All right, this should do it.
11:10Let me do it.
11:11I'm doing it.
11:12I told you I could fix it.
11:16Pretty good, Jack.
11:17So get out of my way.
11:18Get off.
11:19No.
11:19It's mine.
11:21Get off.
11:21Let's go.
11:22Run.
11:23Hurry.
11:23Get off.
11:25I found it.
11:25I lost it.
11:27Get off.
11:27No.
11:27No.
11:28It's nobody's.
11:32What's wrong with you kids?
11:34You're not allowed to have a motorcycle.
11:42What are you doing?
11:44You're not allowed to have a motorcycle.
11:45You paid for it with their own money.
11:48Well, that was pretty stupid of you, wasn't it?
11:50There's no way you're having a motorcycle.
11:54But, Mom.
11:55It's not a motorcycle.
11:57It's just a little mini bike.
11:59It's a motorcycle.
11:59It's not a motorcycle.
12:02It's two feet high.
12:03It was made specifically for kids.
12:05Two wheels, motor, motorcycle.
12:08I understand that.
12:15Francis is never going to be the perfect kid.
12:20You see, what I'm asking for here is just a little ray of hope.
12:30Anything at all.
12:31Francis is not interested in learning.
12:45Francis is interested in causing trouble.
12:51I'm sorry to have to say that, but I have seen his type before.
12:56All he likes to do is flout authority.
13:00He has contempt for rules.
13:03He lives to undermine and destroy.
13:06He feels no compunction.
13:07I get it.
13:14Isn't there anything positive you can tell me?
13:19Sorry.
13:26Oh, wait.
13:28Yes.
13:28You want chicken or fish tonight?
13:38Look, Mom.
13:39I don't think you realize how much we really want this bike.
13:43I looked over your tax return, and I think I could save you about $1,200.
13:48If you make it worth my while.
13:50No.
13:51You know that dog that keeps you up every night?
13:57I could take him for a little walk.
14:01No.
14:03I want it.
14:04I want it.
14:05I hate you.
14:06I want it.
14:06I wish I was dead.
14:11Detailed information on every unsolved breakage or disappearance in this house for the last two years.
14:18No.
14:18No.
14:22Doing laundry, huh?
14:23Yes, Craig.
14:25Don't even think of doing my stuff.
14:28I'm the only guy that handles my used underpants.
14:30Thank you very much.
14:32Of course, shame to waste the electricity, if you got the room.
14:36Okay, Mom.
14:43We thought about it, and we understand that you're worried about us getting hurt.
14:47So we promise, we'll always wear helmets when we ride the minibike.
14:50And in addition to the helmets, we'll also wear elbow and knee pads, no matter how dorky we look.
14:56And we'll only ride it in the park.
14:58And only under your supervision, when you say so, and when you're with us.
15:03No.
15:04Wait.
15:05No.
15:06This isn't fair.
15:07You don't get to just say no.
15:09Yes, I do.
15:10No, you don't.
15:11You can't just make a blanket statement that covers everything.
15:15There has to be some scenario where you let us ride the bike.
15:19I mean, what if I was a trained athlete who practiced on a simulator for 15 years
15:24and wore Kevlar body armor in a field of marshmallows?
15:28I was still saying no.
15:29Now stop bothering me.
15:31I don't know, Lois.
15:32The boys sound pretty reasonable to me.
15:34Stay out of this, Craig.
15:36Hey, I live here too, don't I?
15:41Mom's just doing this because she can't stand that we were actually working together.
15:45I know.
15:46Fixing that bike up was the best time we ever had.
15:49I never wanted it to end.
15:51Yeah.
15:51You were a perfect team.
15:54We still are.
15:55The three of us, we're going to work together and find a way to beat her.
15:59She's going down.
16:02Hey.
16:03Wait a minute.
16:12Boys!
16:13I need some help!
16:15What's this?
16:21Looks like a picture of you on a horse.
16:24What were you about, Dewey's age?
16:30What are you doing with this?
16:31This looks awfully dangerous.
16:34Look at that.
16:35No padding.
16:37No helmet.
16:38Did you ever fall?
16:40What does this have to do with...
16:41We're asking the questions.
16:44So, according to your logic,
16:47a two-foot fall from a minibike
16:49is more dangerous than a six-foot fall from a galloping horse.
16:54That was a long time ago.
16:56Before gravity?
16:59I don't have time for this right now.
17:02I have to get ready.
17:04I have to go to work.
17:08Did you see that?
17:09We totally rattled her.
17:10We did it.
17:13It worked.
17:14We've got Mom.
17:16What?
17:16There's a chink in the armor.
17:18We're going to do it.
17:20If we just play cool and have a little patience,
17:22we'll have the minibike by the end of the week.
17:24No, we won't.
17:25It's broken.
17:27What?
17:28I snuck it out for a ride.
17:31And you know what?
17:32They are dangerous.
17:39You think Mom will notice?
17:47You moron!
17:49Do you have any idea what you've done?
17:50We were so close.
17:52We had her.
17:53That's what I figured.
17:54I wouldn't have taken it otherwise.
17:56I'm not an idiot.
17:58I can't believe you would...
18:00How was it?
18:02It was awesome.
18:03I looked really cool doing it.
18:05I could see my reflection in the car windows
18:07right up until I hit the mailbox.
18:10Sometimes you just embarrass me.
18:14It's okay.
18:15Mom doesn't have to find out.
18:17I'll be fine.
18:18My leg's really starting to feel better.
18:20Let's see it.
18:23Ow!
18:24Hi, Mom.
18:26Look, boys.
18:26I was thinking about it.
18:28And, uh...
18:29You're old enough to deserve an explanation.
18:32I was...
18:32You don't always know what's best for us.
18:35You don't know that you would have gotten hurt.
18:37There's such a thing as trust.
18:38I really think we've earned it.
18:40Reese, I'm not saying that I...
18:43I don't have to sit here and listen to this.
18:44Yes, you do.
18:45Oh, right.
18:47Look, I'll tell you what.
18:48How about I take you to the skateboard park tonight, huh?
18:51How does that sound?
18:53Actually, I'm pretty tired.
18:55Me too.
18:56And I think I really want to get a jump on next week's homework.
19:01What's going on?
19:03You guys are...
19:04Lois!
19:05Lois!
19:06Oh, for God's sake!
19:08What is it now?
19:09What's the matter, Craig?
19:14What does it say on this jar?
19:16Craig.
19:18Well, I'm glad someone around here can read.
19:21These jars come with 14 pickles in them.
19:23I had three yesterday, two for lunch today, and one and a half for snack.
19:27And now there are six and a half pickles in this jar.
19:31Simple math indicates...
19:33Are you counting the one in your hand?
19:35Okay, false alarm.
19:42We burned his house down.
19:44We burned his house down.
19:51Oh, this is the guy.
19:55This is Francis.
19:57What I want to know is, how did you get the cow onto the roof of the gymnasium in the first place?
20:02Ah, that was easy.
20:04The parachute was the problem.
20:06Did you know those things don't open unless you're thousands of feet in the air?
20:10You live, you learn.
20:12Did I ever tell you about that?
20:13No.
20:14Look at this archery, debating, field hockey.
20:19Look at all these clubs and teams, and you're not in any of them.
20:23There isn't even a picture of you in the yearbook.
20:26Look under Pete's hut.
20:28I don't want to look under Pete's hut.
20:31No, no, no.
20:32If you say it fast, it sounds like...
20:33I don't believe this.
20:34Francis, don't you care about anything?
20:38What?
20:39In a school filled with problem children, you're the worst one here.
20:47Wait, that's not true.
20:48I can think of three other guys with longer records than I have.
20:52We have worked, and we've worked, trying anything we can think of to turn you around, but nothing
20:58seems to get through to you.
21:00Come on, Dad.
21:01No.
21:02You don't give a damn about anything but yourself.
21:06And Francis, I don't like saying these things, but what am I supposed to do?
21:10I feel like I have to give up on my own son.
21:13Dad.
21:13I can't even look at you right now.
21:21I don't remember if we're hating each other or liking each other, but either way, I appreciate
21:27this.
21:28It's been two hours, Reese.
21:30The swelling isn't going down.
21:32Look, you can see his heartbeat.
21:34Oh, man.
21:35We really need to get you to the hospital.
21:37We can't.
21:38Mom will kill us if she finds out about the bike.
21:40This isn't about the bike.
21:43We're screwed for the next five years on anything we'd like to do.
21:48There's got to be some way we can get you to the hospital before she finds out.
21:52Then we can come up with a cover story.
21:54Could you handle that?
21:55Because I'm going to scream into my pillow for the next five minutes.
21:59There's got to be some way we can do this.
22:03Have you seen Jellybean Sweater?
22:08I don't know why we have to go all the way across town.
22:10It seems kind of silly.
22:12Craig, I promise.
22:13It's the best ice cream in town.
22:15Yeah.
22:15Well, I'll be the judge of that.
22:21What was that?
22:23Ow.
22:25Ow.
22:26My leg.
22:27Ow.
22:28Ow.
22:29Ow.
22:30Ow.
22:30Ow.
22:30Ow.
22:31Ow.
22:31Ow.
22:31Ow.
22:33Oh, my God.
22:34What did I do?
22:35What did I do?
22:35He ran over his leg.
22:38Ow.
22:38Ow.
22:39What happened?
22:39Ow.
22:39Ow.
22:40Ow.
22:40Ow.
22:41Ow.
22:41Ow.
22:41Ow.
22:42Ow.
22:42Ow.
22:43Ow.
22:43Ow.
22:44Ow.
22:44Ow.
22:45Ow.
22:45Ow.
22:46Ow.
22:46Ow.
22:48Ow.
22:49Oh, for God's sakes, Jonathan, pull yourself together.
22:52He'll be home for your birthday.
22:54Ow.
22:54Ow.
22:55Ow.
22:56Ow.
22:57Ow.
22:58Ow.
22:58Ow.
22:59Ow.
22:59Ow.
23:00Ow.
23:00Ow.
23:01Ow.
23:01Ow.
23:02Ow.
23:02Ow.
23:03Ow.
23:03Ow.
23:04Ow.
23:04Ow.
23:05Ow.
23:05Ow.
23:06Ow.
23:06Ow.
23:08Ow.
23:09Ow.
23:10Ow.
23:10Ow.
23:11Ow.
23:11Ow.
23:12Ow.
23:13Ow.
23:14Ow.
23:15Ow.
23:16Ow.
23:17Ow.
23:18Ow.
23:19Ow.
23:20Ow.
23:21Ow.
23:22Ow.
23:23Ow.
23:24Ow.
23:25Ow.
23:26Ow.
23:27Ow.
23:28Ow.
23:29Ow.
23:30Ow.
23:31Ow.
23:32Ow.
23:33Ow.
23:34Ow.
23:35Ow.
23:36In, day out, it's the same thing.
23:40Like when I had Cadet Dooley run 600 laps of the perimeter
23:43for an inside-out pillowcase violation,
23:47Francis organizes a sit-in.
23:50Or when I cut off the electricity to the fifth floor
23:53for a contraband boombox,
23:56he hijacks a generator for them.
23:59The boy lives to cause chaos.
24:03He was hugging his dad.
24:05In front of his own father, he still defies me at every turn.
24:10And every time something like that happens,
24:13he challenges you.
24:14Every time.
24:16Even when he knows he'll get in trouble.
24:18That doesn't seem to matter to him at all.
24:23I understand.
24:24I will deal with you later.
24:32Dad, I just...
24:33Shut up, son.
24:35I can't believe that plan actually worked.
24:47We came up with it in like two seconds.
24:50Maybe we should do more things half-assed.
24:53Hey, Reese, how's your leg?
24:55Not bad.
24:56The pain goes away when I block out.
24:58You guys want anything to drink?
25:00Sure.
25:00Great.
25:00All right.
25:01One more thing.
25:04Did you really think I would notice a busted-up minibike
25:07half-buried in the sandbox?
25:13Chili Bean and I are leaving now.
25:15Once again, I'm very sorry.
25:16I can't even look you people in the eye.
25:23I think we'll call this one a wash.
25:25I love you, Francis.
25:38Bye.
25:38Love you, too, Don.
25:40I'll see you next time.
26:10I'll see you next time.