Malcolm In The Middle Season 1 Episode 12 Cheerleader
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00:00Oh
00:10Do be
00:19All right, class
00:23Recesses, so I know I
00:30Malcolm, I think you should say something to your classmates.
00:35They stayed inside while you were out playing a ball with your friends.
00:45Thanks.
01:00You're not the boss of me now.
01:03You're not the boss of me now.
01:05And you're not so big.
01:08You're not the boss of me now.
01:11You're not the boss of me now.
01:14You're not the boss of me now.
01:17And you're not so big.
01:21Life is unfair.
01:23I don't know why mom makes me get up at 8.
01:31School doesn't even start until 8.15.
01:42What are you doing?
01:47Nothing.
01:48You look different.
01:50I took a shower.
01:51I knew it!
01:53The current position on the proposed state legislature-sponsored initiative
01:58limited the cabinet's attitude of over-analysing past and current positions
02:03in the future of this type of governmental interference.
02:07In international news, boring, boring, boring.
02:10I'm incredibly boring.
02:12Do you know who's boring?
02:14Me.
02:15Boring, goring, zoring, loring, doring, goring, thoring.
02:18Why haven't you changed the channel yet?
02:20We've got to fix the project.
02:26What?
02:26I took a shower.
02:32Is that a crime?
02:37Reese, is this going to be a daily thing?
02:42Because we've got a schedule.
02:43Honey, let me handle this.
02:47Son, are you on drugs?
02:49No, it's just...
02:52Why doesn't everyone just leave me alone?
02:54Wow.
02:57Usually, we don't get someone storming off from the table until after pancakes.
03:03Hey, kids.
03:04It's a new, improved Sleepy Time, Herbie.
03:07Now with Super Sleepy Fuzzy Fur.
03:09I'm sleepy.
03:11Herbie's not available in stores.
03:13Order yours now through this special TV offer.
03:15Oh, hi, Dewey.
03:19I can make you happy.
03:20I can make your brothers be nice to you.
03:23I can get you out of school.
03:26Your parents want to buy me for you.
03:29All you've got to do is ask them.
03:32They're right there in the kitchen.
03:34Why don't you go ask them?
03:36Go on.
03:37Yeah.
03:37Go ask them.
03:38Go ask them.
03:38Can you buy me a Herbie?
03:43No, they're too expensive.
03:45Maybe.
03:46Ask me again in four seconds.
03:49Can you buy me a Herbie, please?
03:52Didn't you just hear me?
03:54I said no.
03:55Ask louder.
03:57Son!
03:59What were you thinking?
04:02Stealing 200 frogs from the biology lab
04:05and setting them loose on the highway?
04:08I was freeing the alleged frogs, sir.
04:12Killing live animals in the name of science is inhumane.
04:15No!
04:17Inhumane is sitting in a car for two and a half hours
04:21when I live only eight blocks from campus.
04:24Sir, I didn't mean to in...
04:26I am very tired of all the things that you didn't mean to do.
04:32You didn't mean to come in four hours after curfew.
04:35You didn't mean to replace the morning revelry record
04:38with a selection from Trip Hop Wizard Tricky.
04:42Maybe I should just rename this Francis's I Didn't Mean To file.
04:50That would be a bold choice, sir.
04:52Glibness!
04:54What a surprise!
04:55I'm giving you exactly ten seconds
04:59to tell me why I shouldn't put you on latrine detail
05:03for the rest of this semester.
05:06Okay, um...
05:08Why shouldn't I have to clean toilets for the next three months?
05:11It's an intriguing question.
05:14Is that a new tie, sir?
05:16Four seconds!
05:18What a beautiful beach!
05:20Did you take this, sir?
05:22Because you have certainly captured your young male friend's...
05:26speedo.
05:26That is a picture of me!
05:29If I were you,
05:31I wouldn't try to distract me and...
05:42Sir?
05:49Sir?
05:50Hmm?
05:50That'll be awkward.
06:20Are you crying?
06:21No, I was reading.
06:23You don't read.
06:24Just shut the door, Crailboyne.
06:34I'm still in here, perv.
06:41Ha!
06:42You're crying.
06:44Oh man, you're crying.
06:46You don't want to talk about it, do you?
06:51It's about a girl.
06:53I should have just walked away.
06:56Wendy Fitterman!
06:58She hates me.
06:59I don't know what to do.
07:01I've tried everything to make her like me.
07:03Oh, I know.
07:06Ha!
07:07Ha!
07:08Ha!
07:09Ha!
07:10Ha!
07:11Ha!
07:12Ha!
07:13Ha!
07:14Ha!
07:15Ha!
07:16Ha!
07:17Ha!
07:18Ha!
07:19Ha!
07:20Ha!
07:21Ha!
07:22Ha!
07:23Ha!
07:24Ha!
07:25Ha!
07:26Ha!
07:27Ha!
07:28Ha!
07:29Ha!
07:30I'm toilet paper in her house tonight.
07:32If that doesn't work, I'm out of ideas.
07:35Look, Reese, maybe I can help you.
07:37What am I supposed to do?
07:39I don't know.
07:41Just try anything that doesn't make her cry.
07:44I guess you could start off by finding out stuff about her.
07:48You know, do the things she likes to do.
07:51Is that before or after I go TP her house?
07:54Instead.
07:57All right.
07:58I'll try it your way.
08:01Thanks.
08:02No problem.
08:03I know I'm going to pay for this, but...
08:06Reese loves Wendy.
08:08Reese loves Wendy.
08:10Go Wildcats!
08:11Go!
08:12Go Wildcats!
08:14Go!
08:14Go!
08:15Go Wildcats!
08:17Go!
08:17Go!
08:18Go Wildcats!
08:20Go!
08:20Go!
08:21Go Wildcats!
08:22Go Wildcats!
08:33Go Wildcats!
08:34Go Wildcats!
08:35Go Wildcats!
08:36Go Wildcats!
08:37Go Wildcats!
08:37That's it.
08:40Agh!
08:41Reese!
08:42Reese!
08:51ч-
08:51Why are you dressed like that?
08:52I figured out what she likes. I started cheering for the football team, so I joined the cheerleading squad.
08:58Why didn't you join the football team, doofus?
09:01She's a cheerleader.
09:05Reese, you're a guy. Guy cheerleaders are the lowest of the low.
09:11Worse than band. Worse than crowboys.
09:14The only thing lower is that guy that never takes his hand out of his butt.
09:18Oh, Chester? He's a cheerleader too.
09:21This loft solo work.
09:24I tried to help him. I gave him advice. I tried reasoning with him.
09:29There's only one thing left to do.
09:31Sit back and laugh my ass off.
09:35Good luck.
09:39Come in, cadet.
09:43Sarah, I have the floor.
09:45In the short time that you have been under my care, we have had our share of conflicts.
09:55And in all my efforts to get through to you, I have tried every method I know how.
10:01And besides mental and physical abuse, sir, exactly which methods would those be?
10:08This photo made me realize something.
10:12I used to be like you.
10:15Insolent, arrogant, cavalier.
10:18Sir, I...
10:19Floor!
10:19Now, son, you are on the precipice.
10:34Now, I am going to tell you a story about my life.
10:38In the hopes of finally getting you to straighten yourself out.
10:42Now, in the coming hours, you are going to hear things that are going to horrify you.
10:47It sounds illuminating, sir, but I have biology.
10:50I've taken the liberty of canceling your next three classes.
10:56Son?
10:57Do you know what a wet nurse is?
11:22Dewey, have you forgotten me?
11:25I thought we were friends.
11:27All of the boys and girls on your street are my friends.
11:31They all bought me.
11:33Your parents have lots of money.
11:35They're just hiding it.
11:37But I don't want you to buy me for me.
11:40It's for your own good.
11:42I didn't want to tell you this, but if you don't buy me, you'll die.
11:50Honestly, Hal, I don't know what's wrong with Reese.
11:52It's just a little slow.
11:53No, I mean the way he's been acting.
11:57Hey, Mom, where's the iron?
11:59Oh.
12:03It's a girl.
12:06Hal, it's time for the talk.
12:08I don't know what you mean.
12:09The talk, Hal.
12:11Oh, jeez, he's a little young, don't you think?
12:13You waited so long with Francis.
12:15Look what happened there.
12:17All right.
12:19But if I'm giving the talk, all three boys are getting it at the same time.
12:23And I'm not doing it again.
12:24So if we have any more kids, they're on their own.
12:26Mom, Dad, I'd really like a Herbie doll.
12:33I know it's expensive, but I don't ask for a lot.
12:36And I've been very good lately.
12:38I want it, I want it, I want it.
12:41I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it.
12:45Looks like you found the sugar.
12:47Oh, doesn't it look just like a little dust mop?
12:51Ready, hit it.
12:52B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E
12:57B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E
13:01What's that spell?
13:05B-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E
13:08B-I-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E
13:10That's a wildcard battle cry!
13:14What a geek.
13:17I never thought I did to say that.
13:21Oh my God, I'm a crowd-boying with a brother who's a cheerleader.
13:26I can wet my pants in public and it'll be a lateral move.
13:30B-O-R-Y
13:31That's a wildcard battle cry!
13:36Success! Victory! Success!
13:39Victory! Yes!
13:40Ow! Ow!
13:43What is this?
13:46Hey Malcolm, you think your brother will lend me his corset?
13:50When a crowd-boying makes fun of you, you know you're in trouble.
13:55See, that comment was playing off the concept that we all have specific notions of gender-appropriate roles.
14:03At least they're no good at it.
14:05So there we were.
14:07The ocean, my stepfather, and me.
14:09As the storm raged overhead, he made one final lunge for the rudder.
14:15I ripped it from his hands and stared him down.
14:20He knew that I was prepared to kill him!
14:24I left port that day a 16-year-old boy.
14:29I returned a man.
14:31That was an amazing story, sir.
14:35I mean, I was skeptical at first, but we do have something in common.
14:42I mean, look at the way both our mothers abandoned us.
14:46What are you talking about?
14:48You know how I was shipped off here and you were left with your wet nurse for all those years?
14:52That story had nothing to do with my mother.
14:58It had to do with me finally taking responsibility for my own actions.
15:03It just sounded like she may have been a little bit distant.
15:07Well, that is none of your business.
15:09I swear you are absolutely fixated on mothers.
15:13I'm not fixated.
15:15Can you name one thing in your life that you don't blame on your mother?
15:19Sure?
15:24I'm sorry.
15:26I was just giving an opinion.
15:28Well, it's that pop psychology nonsense that's...
15:31It is nothing to get defensive about.
15:34I am not defensive.
15:37Every time anybody denies a lie, they're called defensive.
15:42Fine, I take it back.
15:43Your mother was a saint.
15:44I am not saying that at all.
15:48Does this look anything like a cue?
15:51Reese, just stop this.
15:53You're acting like a moron.
15:55And you're making no progress with Wendy.
15:57And what the hell do you need a cue for anyway?
16:00You're right.
16:01I'm terrible.
16:03I'm just not coordinated unless I'm hitting somebody.
16:06But I really like her.
16:08I have to get good.
16:10Listen to the words.
16:12Good boy cheerleader.
16:15Quit while you still have some dignity.
16:17Oh, and let her think I'm a quitter?
16:19You can't even remember a simple six-step routine.
16:23There's six steps?
16:25Yes.
16:26It's just right, left, right, left, reverse pose.
16:30You remember that from just watching?
16:33You guys did it like ten times.
16:36So, you know my routine?
16:39It's not that hard.
16:41But you know my routine.
16:43Yes, I do.
16:44Look, I know where this is going and...
16:46No, you don't.
16:48You're going to help me.
16:49That is where I was going.
16:51Oh, good.
16:52Let's get started.
16:53No!
16:54Oh, come on.
16:55You have to.
16:55No!
16:56Don't you know how embarrassing that could be for me?
16:59I know it's more embarrassing.
17:01What?
17:02Getting beaten into a coma by a good boy cheerleader.
17:05My mother was neither a Madonna or a whore.
17:10She was a damn fine woman.
17:13Stick your arms out.
17:15We just saw this.
17:17Can you move your hand a little to the left?
17:20Spread your legs.
17:22No!
17:22I said spread your legs.
17:24No!
17:25It's time for the talk, Hal.
17:27Come on, spread your legs.
17:29I'm not spreading my legs.
17:30I'm not spreading my legs.
17:35Fight!
17:37Fight!
17:37Fight!
17:38Fight harder.
17:39Wildcats help us out.
17:40Fight!
17:43Fight harder.
17:44Wildcats help us out.
17:45Fight!
17:46We got spirit.
17:48Wildcats has
18:02what?
18:02What?
18:03What?
18:03What?
18:04What?
18:04What?
18:05We got spirit!
18:11Yes. Yes.
18:15Reese, that was incredible.
18:18Who's been helping you on your spare care?
18:32Oh!
18:35Come on, Reese. I really have to go.
18:40I'm the most worthless, putrid loser in the world.
18:45Everybody hates me. I hate me.
18:50Your brother in there?
18:52Where else?
18:54Reese, come on out. We need to have a talk.
18:58Finally.
18:59Well, Malcolm, you're in on this talk, too.
19:01Me? Why do I have to be here?
19:04Relax.
19:04It's going to be far worse for me than it is for you.
19:09Boys, this talk is very important, so I need your undivided attention.
19:16It's very important that you be bored and squirm a lot.
19:20Now, I want to tell you about what happens when a boy really, really likes a girl.
19:26And, Dewey, I'll try to make this easy for you to understand.
19:30Oh, man, I still play with that.
19:36Here we go.
19:37You see, there's a certain thing that happens between normal, healthy people.
19:42It's called chemistry.
19:45Oh, that doesn't happen.
19:47Except maybe the first time.
19:49What does happen is this.
19:52I like you.
19:54I like you, too.
19:55And if they love each other and take the proper precautions, they'll have sex.
20:00But I've told you about that already.
20:02Not me.
20:03Well, ask your brothers.
20:05Now, unfortunately, if the boy is from our family, it goes a little more like this.
20:15I like you.
20:17I hate you.
20:18No, I love you.
20:21Leave me alone.
20:22Your insane neediness is driving me away.
20:25Look at me.
20:26Look at me.
20:27Look.
20:27Oh, I'm crazy.
20:28Look at me.
20:29Oh, pay attention to me.
20:31Look at me.
20:31Look at me.
20:32I'm crazy.
20:33I'm an idiot.
20:33I'm an idiot.
20:34Watch me crash and burn.
20:36Woo-hoo-hoo.
20:36Woo-hoo-hoo.
20:39There's no explaining it.
20:40It's hereditary.
20:42And it goes back for generations.
20:45Francis has it.
20:46So does Uncle Pete.
20:47It's why your great-grandpa went to work on that oil rig in Peru.
20:52All I know is your mother must carry some sort of internal antidote.
20:56Because through some fluke, I was lucky enough to get her.
21:02I just wanted you boys to know what you were in for.
21:12There was so much I wanted to tell her.
21:17But she was gone.
21:19And I...
21:20I...
21:23Come on, sir.
21:25Just say it.
21:26I hated her.
21:39All these issues with my mother.
21:43I know now that this was not an accident.
21:47You know, talking with you has helped me work out some things with my own family.
21:57I mean, all those years, I blamed my parents for every senseless act of self-destruction.
22:04And all this time, I was at least partially responsible for a couple of them.
22:09You know, it really means a lot to me to know that I can come to you when I need to talk.
22:35Familiarity breeds contempt, cadet.
22:51What are you doing?
22:53What's the point?
22:54You heard Dad.
22:56I'm doomed.
22:56You can't quit.
22:58I worked too hard for you to quit now.
23:01I hate to inform you, brain boy.
23:03It's not about you, it's about me.
23:04That's before I spent an entire day with your hand on my ass.
23:09You owe me.
23:10I can't help you.
23:11Yes, you can.
23:13You can break this cycle that I was talking about.
23:16You have to talk to Wendy.
23:18I can't.
23:19I freeze up.
23:20Do you want to end up like Francis or Uncle Pete?
23:24I don't care anymore.
23:25Anything is better than this.
23:28Even marrying Mom?
23:34Joey, your mother and I want to talk to you.
23:39You're a good boy.
23:42And in life, being good doesn't always get you the things you want.
23:45I guess what I'm trying to say is that when your mother and I don't buy you a toy,
23:51it doesn't mean that we don't love you.
23:55You just have to learn that disappointment is all part of being a grown-up.
24:01But luckily, you're not a grown-up yet.
24:05Ta-da!
24:06Wow!
24:11Oh, come on.
24:12How cute is that?
24:13Break me.
24:18Okay.
24:22Second row.
24:28Ready?
24:29There I go.
24:31You do.
24:31Come on.
24:34Wendy?
24:37Did you say something?
24:40Wendy, I really like you.
24:41Like when a boy likes a girl.
24:43Normal.
24:44Normal and healthy.
24:45I'm sorry for hurting you all those times.
24:47I'm really not a bad guy.
24:50Anyways.
24:53Thanks.
24:58I like you, too.
25:03Really?
25:04Yeah.
25:06I even kind of like your bad boy side, too.
25:08I like me.
25:20Oh my god.
25:24Guys.
25:26Nice.
25:28One.
25:28Two.
25:29Two.
25:30Star.
25:30One.
25:31Two.
25:32One, two.
25:32One.
25:34One, two.
25:35One, two.
25:37Hello, Mother.
25:44It's Edwin.
25:47Yes, it has been a long time.
25:51So be sure to try the new and improved Chipparoo cookie today.
25:55I can make you taller.
25:57I can make you better looking.
25:59If you eat enough of me, I can make you priceless.
26:03Maybe even emperor of the world.
26:07Honey, can you buy me a box of these cookies?
26:10Make it two.
26:11Make it two boxes.
26:12PVA coin cakes.
26:15For something thatad's not even must be Aberdeen.
26:18Please Senate.
26:19PVA coin cakes.