ALF im Märchenland - 13. Peter Pan
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00:00Soup?
00:31Don't worry, Mommy. We're very good.
00:49Get ready for your end, you miserable scum!
01:01Who are you? And why don't you come through the door?
01:05I am Peter Pan.
01:07And this is Tinkerbell, my faithful fairy and companion.
01:11I am me.
01:13Well, somehow I have the impression that you are not children of sadness.
01:16Do you want to fly with me to the fairytale land of dreams,
01:19where you have fun all day, never have to be reasonable, and where there is no income tax?
01:24Fly?
01:26How? There are no planes yet.
01:28Air traffic comes only in 20 years.
01:30No problemo. You don't need an airplane with me.
01:33We just have to imagine something wonderful.
01:36For example, ice cream is very healthy and makes me fat.
01:41Blondes are preferred.
01:46Hinnetoun and Old Shatterhand convert the sky into an Indian reservation.
01:51I am rich.
01:54Fairytale land of dreams. We are approaching.
02:02Tell me, do you already have a boyfriend?
02:05Otherwise, I wouldn't have anything to say against such a sharp doll in our young companion's house.
02:10Sounds cool, but can't we get rid of the flying mob?
02:13I'm allergic to bees.
02:23Hey, we're here.
02:30Hello, men. Welcome to our show.
02:33Tonight, like every night, we will steal the pirate joke,
02:38the man who knows every pirate joke of the seven seas.
02:41So clap your hands,
02:43because he can't do it himself, our Shaggy Hook, the funny hook.
02:53Bravo!
03:00Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
03:02Hey, I have to get something to hear first. Please.
03:11Applause or death?
03:15What are you laughing at?
03:17Hey, how many pirates do you need to screw a pear into a lamp?
03:21Two. One who goes off and steals it in the shop,
03:25and one who turns it in.
03:30Why aren't you laughing?
03:32I already knew the joke, Peter Pan, I told it last week.
03:36People, throw the hook at the sharks.
03:44But if you throw the hook, it's a lot weirder.
03:48Again and again.
03:50That's the guy who pushed me into the water.
03:53And I had to shake hands with the crocodile who came to greet me.
03:56So this mean dwarf thinks he knows the joke better than I do.
04:00But I'm going to put an end to this.
04:03I'm going to eat this Peter Pan, and I want him raw.
04:08Captain, Fee ahead.
04:10Peter Pan and his companions in approach.
04:13At twelve o'clock.
04:15To the battle station.
04:17That's not a drill, that's a serious case.
04:38Watch out!
04:40Peter, what was that?
04:42Either Captain Hook is shooting at us,
04:44or he's playing bowling that needs glasses.
04:53Tinky, bring our friends to the lost boys,
04:56and watch them closely.
04:58Especially Wendy, my cutie pie.
05:02Hello, isn't that Captain Hook?
05:04You must have peed in Vegas.
05:06No, but I peed in Vegas,
05:08as no one wanted to laugh at my joke.
05:12Hello, buddy.
05:14My friends are coming.
05:16They're coming.
05:18They're coming.
05:20They're coming.
05:22They're coming.
05:24They're coming.
05:26They're coming.
05:28They're coming.
05:31My God, Caesar.
05:33That's Crocodile Dundee.
05:35That nasty animal took my hand.
05:37That's right, buddy.
05:39Tell me, why don't you just throw the other paw on the grill?
05:56Hey, Captain.
05:57Do you know why the pirates call crocodiles helpers?
06:00Because they're handlers.
06:04I'll get you for this, Pan.
06:06Just like I got your home address.
06:09Listen, you flying bag of fire.
06:11If Peter and I start a fight,
06:13I'll trade you for a Pekingese.
06:21Hey, Dean, is this life?
06:23All day long, you're hanging around the corner of the street
06:26and making dolls.
06:28Yeah, that would be something, Sammy.
06:30But unfortunately, there are no dolls in the Slaraffenland.
06:41Wow, great birds.
06:43Guess what they want.
06:45A pan?
06:47Maybe a pan.
06:48Pan help.
06:49Pandora.
06:51Peter Pan.
06:56A cannon.
06:58Peter Pan, the joke cannon.
07:00No, now I know.
07:02Peter Pan wants us to bring the giant birds down from the sky.
07:22Look at that. It's not a bird.
07:24It's a girl.
07:26They have a jump in the bowl.
07:28Finally, a doll.
07:29And we'll shoot her.
07:32Our luck that I was nearby.
07:37Peter, I owe you my life.
07:39How can I make it up to you?
07:41Stay here and let the dear God be a good man.
07:45And as for you, you charming crap.
07:48You go into the forest now
07:50and write a hundred times in the sand,
07:52I'm a mean fairy.
08:00Where are we here?
08:02I don't know.
08:04Do you know where we are, Sammy?
08:06No, Dean, we don't know where we are.
08:08We got lost.
08:09That's why we're both called
08:11the Lost Boys.
08:14So, and now we come to our
08:16flipped-out young companion's house.
08:18A tree house?
08:25I would rather say a tree penthouse.
08:28So, and now, let's celebrate.
08:34Hey, Popper, the sauce is running out.
08:36Don't make a mess.
08:38I only have two hands.
08:43Well, it's about time.
08:47I don't get it, Wendy Popper.
08:49What am I supposed to say?
08:50For a few hours, you've been behaving
08:52as if you had a wheel.
08:53You mean since I had to wash your panties,
08:55vacuum the tree house and make
08:57a huge mountain of peanut butter sandwiches?
08:59What do you want from me?
09:00There are dolls for that, aren't there?
09:02That's enough! I'm getting out of here!
09:05But Wendy, we need you here.
09:07You don't need me, you need a doll.
09:10And if you really want dolls,
09:12you'll have to grow up first and leave
09:14this sluggish dreamland.
09:16Grow up?
09:18Learn to take care of yourself,
09:20to earn your living and to treat women
09:22as equal.
09:23That's the way to treat girls.
09:25Maybe she's right.
09:26We could try.
09:27Then we'll get a doll after all.
09:29You say that, but what will
09:31happen to our Lotter life?
09:32Now wake up and come to your senses, Peter.
09:34No ace will come to our parties
09:36except a handful of fairies and a few squirrels.
09:39So let's get out of here.
09:51The party is over.
09:54I'm a mean fairy.
09:56I'm a mean fairy.
10:09Smee! Bring our good bell!
10:11Or can I call you Tinky?
10:16Bring Tinky a portion of meat.
10:19You know what it's called, Tinky.
10:21The best friend of the husband
10:23is the mother of all fairies
10:25until one day a woman appears.
10:33How can I help you?
10:37I could help you, dear Tinky. You don't need to tell me where Peter lives, and I'll let this infamous Wendy run the gangway.
10:52Don't worry, we certainly won't touch your dear Peter. We all like good Peter, don't we, Me?
11:01Yes, we like to eat him, we like to squeeze him, I don't know, we like to...
11:08So tell me, where is his hiding place?
11:12I thank you, you brainless horse!
11:16Me? You? I mean you!
11:18It doesn't matter what he is...
11:31I thank you, you hear? Me!
11:35Well then, Peter, it's time to say goodbye.
11:38It was a nice thing.
11:40But guys, you can't just become sensible and leave me here.
11:43It's a shame it didn't work, Peter. If you've become a little more mature and sensible, just call me.
12:01Excuse me, does this bus stop in London?
12:03Of course it does, my dear.
12:14Hello? Telecommunication? Stay with me, it's ringing.
12:19Yes, a package for Mr. Pahn from Wendy. Write it down here.
12:25Dear Peter, the time with you was just bombastic.
12:31Hmm, by now your friend Peter should already be in a bomb mood.
12:37Peter is far too smart to fall for such a primitive plan.
12:41Obviously she doesn't know him long enough.
12:44And you will decide what your life should look like in the future.
12:48A job with a future is still piracy.
12:51Many beautiful trips, a good income and the company of good, brave men.
12:56Nothing to do. Becoming a pirate would contradict everything we and Peter believe.
13:01As you wish.
13:03Smee, throw her overboard.
13:06I would like to become a pirate.
13:08That's what I was just about to say.
13:10I've always wanted to be one anyway.
13:12I don't want to be a pirate.
13:14That's what I was just about to say.
13:16I've always wanted to be one anyway.
13:18Pirate! Pirate! Pirate!
13:20Maybe they can intimidate you, Hook, but not me.
13:23I will never become a pirate.
13:25Of course, little one. You're missing the stuff. You're a doll.
13:28Smee, put the cleaning cloth in your hand.
13:31Start with the heavy guns and make an effort.
13:34I want to be able to reflect in the cannons.
13:37What kind of strange men are you here in the dreamy country?
13:41Clean your floating hole yourself!
13:44You make an effort to be kind and nice to people, and that's thanks.
13:48Get ready to run to the spade route.
14:12It's beautifully packed.
14:14And it tickles too.
14:16Maybe it's a kitchen alarm clock.
14:18I needed one anyway.
14:20Now that I have to cook myself.
14:23Tinky!
14:26Nice to have you here.
14:29Charade?
14:30Yes.
14:31Agreed.
14:33Sleep, make a little sleep.
14:35And I have to say, that's a good idea.
14:38Your children didn't even know that you were married.
14:41Sleep, children.
14:43Oh, I got it.
14:44You want to hear a lullaby from a children's choir.
14:47I'll go and get you a cassette.
14:49That's right, isn't it?
14:51So let's see, children.
14:53Sleep.
14:54Now I got it.
14:55Wendy and the boys were put to sleep.
14:58But if you caught them,
15:00how can you give Wendy this...
15:02this...
15:03this...
15:04this...
15:05this...
15:06How can you give Wendy this...
15:08loud and clearly ticking alarm clock?
15:10And it turns out,
15:12it's not a loud and clearly ticking kitchen alarm clock,
15:14but...
15:15Oh, man!
15:21Heaven!
15:29Tinky!
15:30Say something, Tinky!
15:33Hey, can someone put a light on us?
15:38The poor Tinky is standing with a paw in the fairy's grave.
15:41But you can help me save her.
15:43You just need to clap your hands and say clearly,
15:45no violence in Alf's fairy tales.
15:50Come on, children.
15:52Remember what the fairies have done for you.
15:54For example, the tooth fairy.
15:56For every milk tooth, a coin.
16:02I can't hear anything.
16:12She's back.
16:14Come on, Tinky.
16:15We have a big rescue scene ahead of us.
16:23I have a suggestion.
16:25I'll cook and clean for the fairies.
16:27And you can help me.
16:29I have a suggestion.
16:30I'll cook and clean for you,
16:32but no ironing.
16:33And I'm free on Thursday.
16:36Clap, clap.
16:39Come in.
16:40I mean, who's there?
16:41Peter Pan.
16:42Who did you expect?
16:43The mailman?
16:45Yes.
16:50Come on, it worked for Errol Flynn, too.
16:52Oh.
16:55Huh?
16:57John, Michelle, Sammy, Dean, run on it, fine.
17:04Uh, hang me, dog.
17:07Los, runter unter Deck.
17:08Hier oben haben Puppen nichts verloren.
17:10Ach ja?
17:11Dann pass mal auf.
17:14Oh-ho.
17:17Was für ein tolles Weibchen.
17:20Liegt wie ein Schmetterling, sticht wie eine Biene.
17:22Aber was du nicht siehst, kannst du nicht treffen.
17:49Hey, hey, hey.
18:06Fang mich, wenn du kannst.
18:13Ist ja schon gut.
18:14Komm und hol mich.
18:16Jetzt wollen wir mal sehen, was du wirklich drauf hast.
18:30Mit dem Schwert gehst du auch nicht besonders um.
18:32Nicht viel besser als mit deinen lahmen Pornen.
18:34Lass doch mal hören.
18:36Dann spiel mir mal deinen besten Ball zu.
18:40Dann ist dein Pirat fast wie ein Baseballspieler.
18:47Wenn er bei den Pittsburgher Piraten spielt.
18:50Wo verkraten die meisten Seeräuber ihre Schätze?
18:54Dumme Frage, im Seemannsgrab.
18:59Warum schwimmt ein Krokodil tausend Meilen?
19:01Weil, das weiß ich nicht.
19:05Weil es Appetit auf dich hat.
19:08Mahlzeit.
19:09Mahlzeit.
19:13Hallo Freund, willkommen in Land unter.
19:23Wir haben gewonnen.
19:24Jetzt ist eine Siegesfeier fällig.
19:30Hey, was ist los, ihr Trauerklöße?
19:32Wir machen jetzt ein Fass auf.
19:34Und ich werde für euch alle ein tolles Festessen zaubern.
19:37Peter, es ist Zeit nach Hause zu gehen.
19:39Unsere Eltern suchen uns.
19:41Und Michelle braucht frische Windeln.
19:43Übrigens fehlt mir in eurem schlaghaften Land ein Einkaufscenter.
19:46Tja, dann kann ich dir nicht helfen.
19:48Was ist mit euch beiden?
19:49Wir haben uns überlegt, wir gehen zurück auf die Schule und lernen und machen dann ganz groß Karriere.
19:55Vielleicht kommen wir noch mal ganz groß raus.
19:58Sieht fast so aus, als wären wir zwei die letzten Partylöwen.
20:02M-m.
20:05Schauspielschule für Tiere?
20:07Oh nein, du willst auch das Handtuch werfen?
20:19Wendy!
20:20Ja, Peter?
20:21Ich habe nachgedacht über das Erwachsen und Vernünftigwerden.
20:24Vielleicht hast du recht.
20:26Das freut mich.
20:27Ja, ich mein's ernst. Ich überlege mir sogar, ob ich nicht einen Laden aufmache.
20:34Hey, Captain, ich krieg zwei Kroko-Burger und eine Doppelportion Fritten.
20:39Werd sofort serviert!
20:42Ja, ja, ja, gegessen wird immer.
20:57Cause there ain't nobody like you
21:02In the Bellmachian race
21:07It's a spoil
21:11Meine Schwester!
21:12Das wär nicht gut.