IT'S A LIVING Season 1 Episode 3 - Roomies
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Life's not the French Riviera, believe me, Life's not a charity ball,
00:10It isn't all a great big bed of roses, It's not like showbiz,
00:18But the main thing are the public, They're not the people I like,
00:24Believe me, we know, we're just not gonna make it,
00:29We may be less than we'll be, But we're not dead, we're young and healthy,
00:37And anyone who's young and healthy knows that that's a waste,
00:45The traffic flows, It's unliving.
01:16This is...
01:19See this?
01:21Next month's schedule.
01:22Check the third weekend.
01:24You're working.
01:25Only at gunpoint.
01:26I got asked to go to Acapulco that weekend with Jeff.
01:32Let me describe Jeff.
01:34The eyes blue, the hair blonde, the shoulders big,
01:37And I'd love to be the wallet in his jeans.
01:40And all of this is leading up to...
01:42Who's going to cover for me?
01:44I can't.
01:45I'll give you money.
01:47Look, the weekends are the only chance I have to spend with my daughter.
01:49And besides, I covered for you when you went to Las Vegas with Carl.
01:53Carl was a jerk.
01:54I still covered for you.
01:56Well, whiz.
01:57Not me.
01:58I have to take my daughter and 15 Girl Scouts on a mosquito bite and poison ivy hike.
02:01No, I'm already working and so's Vicky.
02:04I don't believe this.
02:05You're gonna make me cancel my weekend.
02:06Oh, well, here, have some of this.
02:08It'll make you feel better.
02:09Maybe I didn't make myself clear.
02:12This is Acapulco.
02:14There's an ocean there.
02:15There's a full moon every night of the year.
02:17Cassie, if it's any consolation, I'm starting to feel guilty.
02:20I got three weeks, Lois.
02:22You haven't begun to feel guilty.
02:25Hi, Cassie.
02:26You're already working.
02:27What did she mean?
02:29Oh, never mind.
02:30Here, try some of this.
02:31Mario just made it and it's heaven.
02:33I'm not very hungry.
02:35Well, you should be.
02:36Haven't you been moving all day?
02:37No.
02:38You didn't move into your new apartment today?
02:40No.
02:41Why not?
02:42Well, mostly because the people who live there haven't moved out.
02:47They are planning to.
02:49Yeah, but not for four more days.
02:52When did you find this out?
02:53This morning when I got there with all my stuff.
02:56Boy, I was so mad at the landlord, I almost said something.
03:02What are you gonna do?
03:04I don't know.
03:06Oh, well, the joke's on me.
03:09I didn't realize we'd move the dining room in here.
03:13Well, I guess I'll just have to start bringing people through.
03:17Nancy, we're just having a little snack.
03:19Jan, a carrot stick is a little snack.
03:22This is called pigging out.
03:25Now, let's chew it, swallow it, and move it out front.
03:28Shall we?
03:30Girls, girls, by the way, push the Boston bluefish.
03:33We've got it coming out of our gills.
03:37All right, Vicki, if you can't go back to your old place, where are you planning to stay?
03:41I'm not sure. I spent all my money on the first and last month's rent.
03:45Yeah, for an apartment where someone else is living.
03:47I know. I'm a dope with no place to live.
03:51If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go take a sponge bath.
03:57That poor kid is in there bathing with paper towels and powdered soap.
04:02You know, I feel like this is our fault. We helped her find that apartment.
04:05Well, we had to. She still doesn't know this town too well.
04:08Look, you know Vicki. She'd rent an apartment because she liked the color of the wallpaper in the lobby.
04:13I'd put her up in a second, but Bill and the kids have the flu.
04:16What about you, Dot?
04:17I've got a mime troupe from San Diego.
04:24A what?
04:25You know, mime.
04:28Well, they're helping me with my acting.
04:30But I guess I could throw them out because Vicki is my best friend.
04:33But the mimes have no place to go.
04:35Maybe Vicki could come and stay too.
04:37Except it is only a one-room apartment.
04:39But the mimes are really nice and very quiet.
04:41Dot.
04:43Jen.
04:44Oh, uh, no. My mother's visiting.
04:46She stayed with us. She's had to sleep on the floor.
04:48What we need is somebody who has an extra bedroom.
04:50Listen, I've been thinking about the big fuss I made over going to Acapulco.
04:54And if one of you guys can't come and inform me, I'll slash your tires.
04:58Cassie, Vicki needs a place to stay.
05:01In Acapulco?
05:02No, here. She's between apartments and she needs someone to stay with for a few days.
05:06So?
05:07Of course she can stay with Cassie.
05:09No, she can't.
05:10But you've got two bedrooms.
05:11I've got one bedroom and a den and I need my den.
05:14Oh, come on.
05:15I don't want a roommate.
05:17And even if I did, there's 15 guys on the list ahead of Vicki.
05:23I don't think she's going for it.
05:25Don't be silly. We're wearing her down.
05:29Come on, Cassie. It's only four days. Be a friend and give in.
05:33Well, you're the first woman who ever said that to me.
05:36It won't be that big an inconvenience.
05:38Jan, to me, turning back my clock is a big inconvenience.
05:41What's all this mother hen stuff anyway? The kid can take care of herself.
05:45No, she can't. Not in this city.
05:47I think the only reason she moved here was because her father knew the landlady in the building she was living in.
05:52The woman was like family. She looked after Vicki.
05:55She even looked like Vicki.
05:56So why is she letting Vicki move?
05:58She went condo.
06:00Excuse me. Couldn't help overhearing. Is there anything I can do?
06:03Sonny, Vicki is not moving in with you.
06:09I wasn't suggesting that.
06:11I was thinking Vicki could have my place and I'd move in with Cassie.
06:17I already got an umbrella stand.
06:23Look, what if I moved in with Cassie and Vicki could move in with my mother?
06:27Or me and the mime troupe moved in with Jan's mother?
06:29What if you all moved in with me?
06:32Well, it was worth a shot.
06:34Hold it. Hold it. Why don't we make a deal?
06:37What did you have in mind?
06:38Not you.
06:39Look, you take Vicki for a few days and Jan and I will cover for you while you're in Acapulco.
06:45Could we do that, Jan? You take one day, I'll take the other one?
06:47Fine.
06:48What do you say, Cassie?
06:50Get you to Acapulco with Jeff, lying in the sun, drawing little letters on his chest.
06:57You oiling his back, he oiling yours.
07:02We're talking four days with Vicki.
07:04Two nights in Mexico. Blue eyes, oily shoulders.
07:11All right, I'll do it.
07:12Ole, ole.
07:13I hope so, I hope so.
07:21Okay, okay.
07:24Okay.
07:27Who is it?
07:28Vicki, I'm moving in, remember?
07:30Right.
07:33Hi, roommate. Can you help me with some of this stuff?
07:36I'd love to, but I've got a date. If I can find my other shoe.
07:39Oh, that's okay. I can do it all by myself.
07:43Isn't this going to be fun?
07:45Oh, that's okay. I can do it all by myself.
07:49Isn't this going to be fun?
07:51Uh, just how much stuff did you bring?
07:53Well, you know, I was moving, so I've got everything.
07:57I'm nervous. Are you nervous?
07:59Well, that depends. You're not talking patio furniture or anything, are you?
08:02Oh, no. Just a few odds and ends.
08:06Okay, come on.
08:08There we go.
08:11Is that a bird?
08:12Yeah, that's my parakeet, Squeaky.
08:14It doesn't talk, does it?
08:16No, he sings a little in the morning.
08:19How early?
08:20He's a late singer.
08:23Will be if he starts around me.
08:25Oh, Cassie, you're a caution.
08:28Where are you going with this?
08:30Well, these are my pots and pans. I like to cook with my own utensils.
08:35Is that the kitchen?
08:36I don't know. I never go in there.
08:39Hey, if you're hungry, I can make you something to eat when you come home from your date.
08:43Vicki, I won't be back tonight.
08:45Oh, it's a long date.
08:48Right.
08:50So, make yourself at home, and if you need anything in the middle of the night, call Lois.
08:58Bye.
09:05Cassie, hi.
09:06Yeah.
09:07Not a cheery greeting.
09:10All right, Cassie, what's bugging you?
09:12What's cute and sweet and moved into my apartment two days ago with a parakeet and a jello mold?
09:17Vicki is getting on your nerves.
09:19On my nerves?
09:22I came home with a date at three o'clock in the morning, and Vicki was waiting for me with poached eggs.
09:28So, she's interfering in your life?
09:30She's living in my life. My whole apartment smells like muffins.
09:33What's getting to me?
09:35Last night, I had a dream.
09:37Vicki was in my kitchen baking a cake for our first anniversary,
09:40and I had to cancel a trip to Acapulco so we could celebrate.
09:44Boy, am I mad.
09:46You found out I didn't drink my hot chocolate.
09:48No.
09:49I went to my new apartment, you know, to see if the old tenants were out,
09:53and the landlord says it's going to be another week.
09:59I am furious.
10:01Well, that's ridiculous, Vicki. He can't just do that to you. You have rights.
10:05I know. I thought about telling him that at the time.
10:08Did you?
10:09Well, no. I don't want to make trouble. I have to live there.
10:13When?
10:16Cassie, I know it's been an imposition, but we've been getting along so well together.
10:21You wouldn't mind putting me up for a couple of more days, would you?
10:25Vicki, we all do what we have to do.
10:29Oh, Cassie, thank you. You're great.
10:33Hey, you know, for a minute there, I thought you were going to throw the kid out.
10:38I am.
10:40That's what I have to do.
10:55You can't kick Vicki out.
10:57It's happening just like in my dream. She's moving in for good.
11:00You kick her out, the trip to Acapulco's off.
11:02Fine.
11:03Oh, Cassie, come on. Where is she going to go?
11:05She doesn't have any money, and we're her only friends.
11:08What am I supposed to do, feel guilty?
11:10Yes.
11:11No.
11:12Cassie, you would feel terrible if anything happened to her.
11:17We just want her to be safe and looked after so we won't have to go to Idaho and explain to her father why she died alone in some gutter.
11:27All right, all right.
11:29If I'm taking her an extra week, I'm upping the stakes.
11:31How much?
11:32You work for me four extra weekends.
11:35One.
11:36Three. Deal.
11:41I just love to bargain.
11:44Excuse me. Could I speak to you girls in private for a minute?
11:47Oh, yeah, sure, Mark. Come on. Come on in.
11:49In here?
11:50Uh-huh.
11:51You know, I've worked in this restaurant for six years and I've never been in here.
11:55It's not worth waiting for.
11:58Why don't you sit down?
11:59No.
12:00You know, I've been thinking about Pauline, and I've decided to let bygones be bygones.
12:05But you never told us what the bygones were.
12:07Well, the bygones have gone by, so let's forget it.
12:11I called Pauline, and I'm going to see her.
12:13Mario, that's fantastic.
12:15No, not yet. I'm nervous.
12:17What am I going to do with her?
12:18Well, why don't you just take her out to dinner?
12:20No, I hate restaurant food.
12:24Mario!
12:25Male employees are not allowed in the waitress's lounge.
12:29Relax, Nancy. He's with us.
12:31Doing what?
12:32Asking advice on what to do on a date.
12:34Why don't we go out front and get the busboys in on this?
12:37Oh, Mario, look.
12:39Look, I wouldn't dream of intruding on this private little conversation,
12:43but I must say that I'm just a little surprised that you didn't come to me.
12:47I mean, after all, I'm a bit more qualified to render advice on what a mature woman,
12:52might like to do on a date.
12:54Okay, Nancy. What would you like to do?
12:56Well, first of all, I'd like to start with cocktails at a tasteful lounge,
13:01and then maybe hear some music, perhaps a string quartet.
13:05And after that, a late supper at a small cafe.
13:09Then, if the gentleman seems sincere, I have no objections whatsoever.
13:12Nancy, I'm looking for a date, not a life sentence.
13:17Mario, you're a grown man.
13:19If you can't decide where to go on a date, then perhaps you don't deserve to have one.
13:26The woman's a witch.
13:30Mario, you've been out with Pauline before. What did you used to do on your dates?
13:33Well, that was during the war.
13:35In those days, it didn't matter what we did.
13:37All that mattered was that I got leave and she had lips.
13:43And when I got leave, Pauline was always waiting for me.
13:46I remember the last time I came back.
13:48I nearly didn't make it that time.
13:50Our ship had been torpedoed in open waters,
13:53and I was on a raft for three days.
13:56And then we got picked up by a hospital ship and brought back.
14:00And I looked down the dock, and there was Pauline, my best girl,
14:05and Jim, my best friend.
14:07They were waving and screaming.
14:10It must have been a very patriotic time.
14:12Yeah. And the band was playing the Stars and Stripes forever.
14:17Pauline and Jim were hugging each other for joy.
14:21And as I came down the gangplank, they were kissing each other for joy.
14:26And as I got closer, they were groping each other for joy.
14:31Finally, I got their attention.
14:34And they told me how worried they'd been about me,
14:37how glad they were that I was safe,
14:40and how sorry they were that I couldn't have been there for their wedding.
14:45I get the feeling those were the bygones.
14:48Yeah. So what the hell's the difference?
14:52We'll go wherever I want.
14:54And the little tramp can buy me dinner.
15:11Okay, time to get up.
15:15Squeaky?
15:18Squeaky, where are you?
15:21Squeaky?
15:25Squeaky! Squeaky!
15:28Oh.
15:41Kathy, I'm sorry to disturb you, but is Squeaky in there?
15:46Your name's Squeaky?
15:50Sorry, I thought you were alone.
15:53What do you want?
15:55Um...
16:00Squeaky is missing.
16:02He lost your bird?
16:03Well, he can't have gotten very far.
16:05What is this?
16:06Oh, oh, just hand-washing a few delicates.
16:08You know, cold water, Woolite.
16:10Would you like some coffee?
16:12Yeah.
16:13Uh, how about some orange juice?
16:15What are you, a fanatic? I hate orange juice.
16:17I'll get the coffee.
16:18Oh, and there's, uh, bacon and eggs if you're hungry.
16:22Again? Who's gonna eat all this?
16:24Oh, well, you and me and whoever else might be in there and is hungry.
16:29Why do you do this?
16:31What?
16:32Torture me.
16:34You make all this food every morning.
16:36You know I can't eat before noon.
16:37I don't want to see food. I don't want to smell food.
16:39I don't want to know that food exists.
16:43This coffee tastes like candy.
16:45Oh, I put a little cinnamon in it.
16:48You make cute coffee.
16:54Vicki, I can't take this anymore.
16:56Oh, here, I'll make you another cup.
16:58It's not just the coffee, Vicki. It's you. You're driving me crazy.
17:00I'll stop.
17:01You can't stop.
17:02That's why you keep doing it.
17:04You love it and you're trying to win converts.
17:06You're the kind of person that gets up in the morning and makes waffles and puts strawberry jam on top.
17:10And that's okay, except I hate people who do that.
17:13If you just tell me what bothers you.
17:16All of it bothers me.
17:17Washing my telephone bothers me.
17:21My bathroom smelling like the great outdoors bothers me.
17:23But most of all, Vicki, you bother me.
17:26You're going to make someone a wonderful little wife someday, but that someone isn't going to be me.
17:33Kathy.
17:36And keep your bird out of my bedroom.
17:43Well, Squeaky, it looks like we've worn out our welcome.
17:53Hey, Mario, how'd it go last night?
17:55Well, let's put it this way.
17:56The 35 years I spent waiting to see Pauline didn't seem as long as the two hours I spent with her last night.
18:04Oh, no, Mario. I'm sorry.
18:06Well, don't be depressed. The evening wasn't all bad.
18:09What could have been good?
18:10Well, when Pauline went into the ladies' room, I went into the bar to get some matches.
18:14And while I was in there, I met a very nice and very attractive lady.
18:18I love it.
18:19Yeah, we got to talking, and she asked me for my phone number.
18:22And she doesn't even know you can cook.
18:25So, when are you going out?
18:27I'm not sure. I told her I was busy this week.
18:29Why?
18:30I didn't want to look cheap.
18:37Okay, where's Vicki?
18:38What's wrong now?
18:40She moved out.
18:41What? When?
18:43Who knows? I was asleep.
18:45All I got was a note saying I was out of Woolite.
18:50Hi, everyone.
18:51Well, where have you been, and what's the big idea of moving out on me like that?
18:55What, do you think you're the only one that has feelings? I didn't know what to do.
18:58Oh, you threw me out.
19:00I did not throw you out.
19:02Well, you said you didn't like me, and you yelled at me.
19:05You're lucky I yelled at you. Otherwise, I would have killed you.
19:08So, get your stuff and move back in tonight.
19:11I don't have to move in with you or anyone. I have my own place.
19:15I have my own place.
19:17I went back to my new apartment, and I looked the landlord right in the eye, and I said,
19:21Sir, if you don't give me a place to live, I'm going to get my money back,
19:25file a complaint against you, and maybe go to the TV news.
19:29And you know what he did?
19:31He crumbled.
19:32And he gave me an even better apartment at the very same rent.
19:36Good.
19:42Vicki, congratulations.
19:44I'm impressed you stood up for yourself.
19:46And it's all Cassie's fault.
19:50If she hadn't blown up at me this morning, I never would have had the courage.
19:53I think you would have found it sooner, but your friends were standing in the way.
19:57Well, we could all sit here and find fault with ourselves, but why bother?
20:00We have Nancy for that.
20:03Let's get to work. I got here early, and I'm still going to be late.
20:07Cassie, I'm sorry I yelled at you.
20:11I didn't mean to blow up at you like that.
20:14Hey, we're even.
20:15Okay, I'll see you out front.
20:17Right.
20:19Um...
20:23How's Tweaky?
20:24Squeaky.
20:25Oh, whatever. A bird.
20:27He's fine.
20:29Give him my best.
20:31He's fine.
20:33Give him my best.
21:02The traffic flows.
21:05It's a living.