IT'S A LIVING S3 Ep8 The Prom Show
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00:00Life's not the French Riviera, believe me Life's not a charity bar
00:11It isn't all that great, big bed of roses It's not like showbiz, but the main thing
00:20It's not supposed to be, but life may be We don't, we're just not gonna make it
00:30We may be less than we'll be But we're not dead, we're young and healthy
00:38And anyone who's young and healthy knows that that's the way
00:46The traffic flows, it's unbearable
01:16I don't want you to come anywhere near me tonight. I don't want you to catch the cold I caught from you.
01:26How do you know I didn't catch it from you?
01:28Because when I cough, it has a Texas twang.
01:31Don't you love how the dining room's decorated for the prom?
01:35I remember my senior prom, an evening in Paris. We decorated the gym to look like an authentic French cafe.
01:41You mean one of those cute French places with scoreboards and monkey rings hanging from the ceiling?
01:46I suppose your prom had a better theme.
01:48Yeah, it was Olympic dreams. We decorated our gym to look like a gym.
01:54Here's a flower for you and a flower for you. Now put them behind your ear and try to look Hawaiian.
01:59Put Tom Selleck behind my ear and I will.
02:02Well, the theme of the prom is Hawaiian holiday. Now we need some cooperation here.
02:06There's this girl out there, Patty, and she's chairman of the prom committee.
02:10Well, the band is late, half the prom favors never showed, and the volcano that's supposed to erupt macadamia nuts is jammed.
02:17I was chairman of my prom committee. I know what this girl is going through and I've got to help her.
02:22This was my prom. We made this big papier-mâché Eiffel Tower, see?
02:26You carry your prom picture with you?
02:28It was the greatest night of my life.
02:30What's that under your arm?
02:31All the girls got a free French bread.
02:34Nice touch.
02:36Come on, let's go. We got a lot of work to do.
02:41Step on it, Jan.
02:47Hi, Cass.
02:48Hi, Richard.
02:51Boring.
02:52Listen, I think you and I ought to go to this prom.
02:55Without a corsage?
02:56Oh, all you want. Come on, we'll dance, we'll have fun, and then later I'll try and get you in the backseat of my car.
03:03What about if I go to work and then later you can get me in the backseat of your car anyway?
03:08I love you when you're trashy.
03:11I'll pick you up a little later.
03:12I'll meet you downstairs. You don't have to come up.
03:14No, if I come up, then we get to spend the three minutes it takes to get down.
03:17This guy is either crazy about you or just crazy.
03:20Wait a minute. I am marrying a woman I haven't known for a very long time.
03:25Every minute we spend together gives me a chance to see if I'm making some incredible mistake.
03:32I love you, too.
03:35Bye.
03:36Bye.
03:38You two look so good together.
03:41I don't think we're going to make it.
03:43Like I said, dump the bum.
03:45On the way over here, he told me he wants to have a baby.
03:49Whoa, that's rough.
03:51What did you tell him?
03:52What do you tell a man that you love very much and that you want to make very happy that you can't give him the one thing that he really wants?
03:58Well, he loves you, Jan. Just tell him.
04:01I can't do that.
04:03Well, then don't tell him.
04:05What about when there's no baby?
04:06Well, then you just have the fun of trying over and over and over again.
04:12Look, Jan, I know it's not easy, but just tell him.
04:16He can handle it.
04:18Mommy-o and Daddy-o.
04:36It's ooh, papa-doo and how are you?
04:38I hate this.
04:39Do it.
04:42It's time to welcome Sonny and the Mandels.
04:46All right, everybody, put your hands together for Sonny and the Mandels.
04:53Featuring on drums, Sonny Man.
05:01On bass, Sonny Man.
05:10The fabulous Sonny Man Horns.
05:16On keyboards, Sonny Man.
05:24Out of a job, Sonny Man.
05:26What are you doing?
05:27Stopping your noise so we don't get charged with child abuse.
05:30Nancy, these kids love this.
05:32Look at you in those ridiculous pants and that, that's my earring. I've been looking everywhere for it.
05:37I found it.
05:38You look like a fool.
05:40Too dressy?
05:42I want that earring returned sterilized.
05:46What happened to the music?
05:48I ask him the same question every night.
05:50Oh, I want him to keep playing.
05:52You do?
05:53Well, when they elected me prom chairman, I thought I was home free after I booked the Travis sisters.
05:58They're this really hot local group.
06:01Now they're late, everyone's sitting around blaming me.
06:03Is everything okay, Patty?
06:05Nobody's dancing.
06:06I'm dead meat.
06:08My life depends on his playing.
06:10Poor, unfortunate child.
06:14See, that's me with the bread.
06:16And that's my boyfriend, Harper Sins.
06:18You know, there's just something about a man in a green sequined dinner jacket.
06:21Don't you think?
06:22It's a look.
06:25Here we go.
06:26There's room at this table right here.
06:28Your waitress will be Cassie.
06:30Enjoy the prom.
06:32I'm sure you will.
06:33You know, I was queen of my prom.
06:36Yes, you mentioned it when we first came in.
06:38I was going to tell you how five different guys wanted to take you to the prom, but she went with Freddy Dumont.
06:42I guess I did mention it.
06:44That was the Travis sisters.
06:46They're not coming.
06:47Oh, this is terrible.
06:49All the kids are going to blame you just like they blame me at my prom.
06:52Your life is over, trust me.
06:54I must say, Dot, you have a unique bedside manner.
06:57Right.
06:58I'm sorry, Patty.
06:59Look, we'll figure something out.
07:00Oh, sure.
07:01Oh, maybe they'll grow to like Sonny.
07:04Beautiful Hawaii.
07:05Home of swaying palms, balmy breezes, and of course, strict law enforcement.
07:28Have you decided what you're going to do about Richie?
07:30I am so mad at myself for getting involved in a whirlwind romance in the first place.
07:34Where can it lead?
07:35Well, I've had it lead me to Acapulco, Honolulu, New York.
07:39Gee.
07:40Richie's terrific and he loves you, so just tell him.
07:43And if the two of you really do want children, there are other ways.
07:46Where do I get off agreeing to marry a man I hardly know?
07:49Isn't it completely irresponsible?
07:51What am I trying to prove?
07:52These are rhetorical questions, right?
07:54Because if they're not, these kids are never going to get their dinners.
07:57Oh.
08:00Well, Howard, they're having a wonderful time.
08:03Oh, and I must compliment you. The chicken looks delicious.
08:06You know, it reminds me of my prom.
08:08We had chicken and they elected me queen.
08:11Did you know that?
08:12Well, I'm not surprised.
08:14Really?
08:15No, most proms have chicken. It's all high school kids can afford.
08:18You have a candy sale, you have a car wash, you have a chicken. It's a law of nature.
08:23I thought you meant that you weren't surprised that I was queen of my prom.
08:27Oh, well, that too. I mean, you walk around here like a queen of the prom all the time.
08:32I need four more dinners.
08:33Boy, dead city out there.
08:36There must be something we can do to make this prom kick.
08:38Perhaps you could try waiting on tables.
08:40It might not be a kick for the kids, but it would really blow my mind.
08:45The reason they're not excited is because that singing group didn't show up.
08:50Maybe it would help if we sang.
08:52Oh, right, singing waitresses. Who wouldn't want that at a prom?
08:56But we've got to think of some way to entertain them.
08:58I could do my magic act.
09:03That's right, I got a magic act. I won it from a guy in a card game in the army. I'm real good at it.
09:08Oh, I'm sorry, Howard, but magic doesn't seem to be the right thing for entertainment at a prom.
09:12I can do amazing things.
09:14I'll bet you can.
09:16Can you make Nancy disappear?
09:17No, but I could saw her in half.
09:21Would she still be able to talk?
09:27Here we go. And for dessert, you have a choice of ice cream or cake.
09:32Oh, they both sound great. I can't decide.
09:34We're not having any dessert. We're not going to be here that long.
09:37What do you mean, we're not going to be here that long?
09:39Come on, Carol, we decided. I already got the room.
09:42Look, I told you, I'm not sure.
09:44Please.
09:45Bill.
09:46Either way, you're going to need your strength. So what's it going to be, ice cream or cake?
09:50Do you have those orders for table six?
09:52Right here. And these go with it.
09:56Howard, it's Dot you have to convince.
10:00Howard, I need another chicken.
10:02A chicken? Well, for a chicken, you have to start with an A, right?
10:08And of course, you need feathers. We don't have any, so I'll just use this flower.
10:12And for a beak, we'll use a carrot.
10:14And of course, you need feathers. We don't have any, so I'll just use this flower.
10:17And for a beak, we'll use a carrot.
10:19Now you have to cook it, of course, and say the magic words,
10:22Howard at the prompt, and voila!
10:27Not bad, huh?
10:29Howard, that's a rabbit. I need a chicken.
10:33Howard, that's great, but your magic is not going to get those kids on the dance floor.
10:38Look, at one time or another, you've been in trouble with no one to turn to.
10:41Well, that's where this girl Patty is right now.
10:43She needs help, so I say we take this opportunity to show what we are made of.
10:48I say we get out there right now and sing and help this girl. Now let's go!
10:55I want you to take a card from anywhere in the deck.
10:58Thanks a lot.
11:01Guess I'll just have to do it myself.
11:04Three of clubs?
11:14She's dead.
11:25He left you, huh? Because you wouldn't spend the night with him?
11:29Well, listen, it'll be okay.
11:31How would you know?
11:33Because the same thing happened to me.
11:35Really?
11:37At least you got to come to your prom.
11:39My boyfriend wouldn't even take me when I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him.
11:42It was horrible. I spent two hours with my head over his sink
11:45because my mother wouldn't let me cry on anything that had to be dry-cleaned.
11:48Well, maybe I should have gone with him. I mean, what if he doesn't come back?
11:53Well, then you'll know the kind of guy he is.
11:56Look, I didn't spend the night with my boyfriend because I didn't feel I was ready.
12:02I eventually got ready. I eventually got very ready.
12:06Did your boyfriend come back?
12:08No.
12:10But I knew that if I didn't feel good about myself,
12:12then I wouldn't feel good about us as a couple.
12:15So you did the right thing for yourself.
12:17You did what you had to do.
12:19Yeah, but what do I do about now? I mean, I feel awful.
12:22Well, you do what women have been doing for years.
12:25You eat the ice cream and the cake.
12:30Dot, you're wrong about this.
12:32Let me show you. Just put these magic handcuffs on.
12:35I'm singing, Howard.
12:37Howard, I need two more cakes.
12:39I need a volunteer from the audience. How about you, young lady?
12:42Forget it, Howard. Singing is what's going to get those kids up,
12:45and I'm going to do it with or without my friend Cassie.
12:48As you can see, she is securely locked in place by the cuffs.
12:52Come on, Howard. I don't even do this on dates.
12:55None of this has been rehearsed. Have you ever met me before?
12:59Okay, Dot, you talk me into it. I'll sing with you.
13:01Oh, thanks, Cassie. I knew you wouldn't let me down.
13:03Now let's get out there and do this before it's too late.
13:06I say the magic words,
13:08Doug Henning, eat your heart out, and the cuffs fall off.
13:13Just use the key, would you?
13:15They're magic cuffs. There is no key. It's a trick.
13:20Are you sure you want to go through with this?
13:22I mean, this is a tough crowd. They think I'm old, Dot.
13:25One of them called me a wrinkle.
13:27What's the matter with these kids today?
13:29Oh, Sonny, please, just do it.
13:31Yeah, but it's an old song. They hate old songs.
13:33It's back.
13:36And I know it. Hey, I'm hot.
13:40May I have your attention, please?
13:42Look, I know you all are real disappointed because the Travis sisters didn't show up.
13:46But this is your prom, and you're supposed to be having a good time.
13:49So let's see what we can do about it. Hit it.
13:55Five, six, seven, eight.
13:56Calling out around the world
13:59Are you ready for a brand new beat?
14:03Summer's here and the time is right
14:06We're dancing in the street
14:09They're dancing in Chicago
14:13Down in New Orleans
14:16In New York City
14:19All we need is music
14:21Sweet music
14:23There'll be music everywhere
14:27There'll be swinging, swaying
14:29And records playing
14:31Dancing in the street
14:33Oh, it doesn't matter what you wear
14:37Just as long as you are there
14:40So come on, every guy
14:42Grab a girl
14:44Everywhere around the world
14:47There'll be dancing
14:49Dancing in the street
14:51I say the magic words
14:53I wish I had saved the receipt
14:55And
14:57I say the magic words
14:59What's wrong with these damn things?
15:03The music's swinging
15:05Dancing in the street
15:07Philadelphia, PA
15:09Dancing in the street
15:11Baltimore, N.C. now
15:13In the street
15:14Yeah.
15:17All we need is music
15:19Sweet music
15:21There'll be music everywhere
15:25There'll be swinging, swaying
15:27And records playing
15:29Dancing in the street
15:33Oh, it doesn't matter what you wear
15:35Just as long as you are there
15:38So come on, every guy
15:41Grab a girl
15:43Everywhere around the world
15:45There'll be dancing
15:50Dancing in the street
15:58Dancing in the street
16:03Well, they're still dancing.
16:05I guess they didn't need my magic after all.
16:07Oh, I'm sure they just don't realize what they're missing.
16:10You know, it was amazing how you got Cassie out of those handcuffs.
16:14But you made that hacksaw appear out of thin air.
16:17Well, I keep it around to cut frozen meat.
16:20Well, I, for one, really wanted to see you do your entire magic act.
16:24You mean it?
16:25Well, of course.
16:26I was even hoping to be your assistant, the lovely Nancy.
16:32I could be the one you tie up or put in handcuffs,
16:35or I could put the handcuffs on you.
16:39Well, Dot's right. I don't fit into these things.
16:42Not like you, being prom queen and all.
16:45Well, I don't feel much like a prom queen tonight
16:48when I see everyone dancing and I'm alone.
16:52It's been a long time since I was queen of the prom.
16:56Is there any more ice cream?
16:57Thought everybody had their dessert.
16:59I didn't.
17:01Oh, hi there.
17:02Oh, hello.
17:04Uh, I'm a little early. I'm sorry.
17:06If you like, Jan, there isn't much more to do. You can leave early.
17:09Thank you, Nancy.
17:13She's a good queen and a fair queen.
17:17Look, uh, I couldn't find a corsage,
17:20but I'll give you this if you dance with me at the prom.
17:23Let's just go, okay?
17:25What's wrong?
17:27Nothing.
17:28Come on, what's wrong?
17:29I said nothing's wrong.
17:31That nothing's wrong is so full of wrong.
17:34Fine, then something's wrong.
17:36What is it?
17:37Nothing.
17:39Great. Let's go, then.
17:42Look, you don't have to marry me, okay?
17:45You're off the hook.
17:47Why wouldn't I want to marry you?
17:48Other than the way you're acting now, I mean.
17:51You want to have a baby. I can't have one, so you leave me.
17:54So you don't have to marry me, okay?
17:56Are you serious?
17:58Yes, I'm serious.
18:00What the hell is wrong with you?
18:02You're a real jerk, you know that?
18:04I love you. You love me.
18:06Do you know how hard that is to find?
18:08You've been out there. It's impossible.
18:10This is so stupid.
18:12It's not stupid to me.
18:15I'm scared.
18:17Of what?
18:18Of not being able to give you everything that you want.
18:21Well, yes, you can.
18:23You can give me an honest relationship.
18:25What about a baby?
18:27You know why I wanted a baby?
18:29To be able to share with you.
18:31To have something that we started.
18:33But we have that.
18:35We have us.
18:37Look, we'll both be raising Ellen and Charlie.
18:40They'll be children.
18:41If we decide later we want to have a baby, we'll adopt.
18:44The only thing that I am sure of is that I want you.
18:49Besides, I'm not so sure I can give you everything you expect from a man.
18:56From what I've been able to tell, you can.
18:59Well, I can't.
19:02There are certain manly duties I can't fulfill.
19:06Like what?
19:08I can't take out the garbage.
19:11What do you do with it?
19:14I'm teaching Charlie responsibility.
19:18You save it for the weekend?
19:21Look, I just can't do it, okay?
19:23I know it sounds crazy, but I can't.
19:25I am not perfect.
19:27And neither are you.
19:30But I love you.
19:33I love you, too.
19:37Will you take out the garbage for me?
19:40We'll teach Ellen and Charlie responsibility together.
19:44Will you dance with me at the prom?
19:48Yeah.
19:51Come on.
20:14Come on.
20:44Come on.
20:53Come on.
21:14THE END
21:44THE END