Frasier Season 10 Episode 22 Fathers And Sons
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00:00St. Osric's Pre-Kindergarten Academy and Daycare Center?
00:07Do I hear the pitter-patter of petite elite feet?
00:12No, no, no, it's just that the wait list for St. Osric's is up to four years, so I thought we should get our application in now to be safe.
00:20Very wise, Niles. You know, Lilith and I waited until Frederick was conceived before we enrolled him in private school.
00:27Mr. Procrastinale.
00:29It's pre-kindergarten. They run around, they sing, they nap. How special can St. Osric's really be?
00:36I hear the top two percent in coloring and putting away can pretty much write their own ticket.
00:43Oh, Niles, guess who's coming to visit? Leland Barton.
00:49Really? From the Empire Club?
00:52No, no, that's Barton Leland.
00:55Leland Barton was Mom's research assistant. They worked together closely for years.
00:59I don't remember him.
01:00Oh, that's right. We were just boys when he moved to France.
01:03Apparently, he gave up psychiatry and immersed himself in the Paris art world.
01:09Today, he sits on the board of the Paris Museum of Modern Art.
01:15Wow.
01:16Takes a brave man to just chuck it all, cross the ocean in pursuit of a new life and a new country.
01:23Or a brave woman.
01:25Oh, yes, that's absolutely right.
01:27That's exactly what you did.
01:28Just like Dr. Barton, you bade farewell to the comforts of Hearth and Home
01:32and filled your sails with the winds of change and adventure.
01:36I never looked at it that way.
01:38Now I'll have something to think about this afternoon while I'm rubbing your dad's bum.
01:54Oh, Ross.
01:55Hey.
01:56Ross, how was the dog park?
01:58Well, I got a phone number.
02:00Nice.
02:01Is that why you people have pets? To get dates?
02:05No, but it's a plus.
02:07I've never met one person who didn't get at least one date through their pet.
02:12Well, meet me.
02:16Four years in high school and not a single encounter generated.
02:20Stupid fish.
02:24Oh, that'll be Leland.
02:27Who's Leland?
02:28He was Hester's research assistant.
02:30Used to follow her around like a puppy.
02:33I think he was always a little bit jealous of me, to be honest.
02:38Not that he was alone.
02:42Dr. Barton.
02:44Hello, Roger.
02:45I'm great. Good to see you.
02:46How are you?
02:47Let me take that for you.
02:48Thank you very much.
02:49Thank you. Thank you. Hello.
02:52My God, look at you.
02:55I haven't seen you since you were about, what, seven years old?
02:59And you still look good in a suit.
03:01Oh.
03:04Martin, you have not changed a whit.
03:07Oh, my hair is gray and I got a bullet in my hip.
03:10Well, I'm bigger and balder, but I don't want to hear about it.
03:15But you look exactly the same, too.
03:18And you must be...
03:21I'm assuming you don't go by Niles anymore?
03:28No, this is my producer, Roz Doyle.
03:31My brother's not here.
03:36My sincerest apologies.
03:38You are a handsome woman.
03:41And it's nice to meet you, too.
03:43I guess I should be going.
03:45Oh, not on my account, I hope.
03:46Please, Roz, stay if you like.
03:48Can I get anybody a drink?
03:49Well, not unless you happen to have any sherry.
03:54I think I can scare up a glass, Roz.
03:57Well, I'll have a beer, please.
03:59Well, I can handle that.
04:03Come, sit down.
04:06So, I hear you worked with Fraser's mom.
04:09Yes, I did. Did you know her?
04:11No.
04:12Oh, pity.
04:13She was a remarkable woman.
04:15Brilliant, playful.
04:18Passionate.
04:20I adored her.
04:22Here we are.
04:24Welcome back to Seattle.
04:27There we are.
04:36This sherry is exquisite.
04:38Oh, thank you. It's an Andalusian Amontillado I'm rather fond of.
04:41A connoisseur. I am very surprised most Americans think that sherry is just for cooking.
04:46Oh, my brother and I have always had a taste for it.
04:49Ah, well, you didn't hear that from me. I've always hated the stuff.
04:53You know, come to think of it, so did your mom.
05:12Can I help you?
05:14I'm sorry about that.
05:15Eddie, down.
05:23Why is he doing that?
05:27I don't really know. He used to do it to me, but I tell you what, just don't get in a staring contest with him. That's what he wants.
05:36Come on, Eddie. Get down.
05:37I'm sorry. I don't know how I got into him. I'll get him a treat.
05:41Frasier, this is remarkable. You and I seem to have the same taste in art.
05:46Rauschenberg, Artisan, African Statuary and Sculpture.
05:52Although, I must confess, I'm not familiar with that one.
05:57Oh, that's because while most Azante statues are intended to ward off evil spirits,
06:02this one was designed to distract me while my pockets were picked at the Kinshasa Airport.
06:12You two have a lot in common. Psychiatry and sherry and art.
06:20And furniture. That is a Coco Chanel sofa, unless I'm mistaken.
06:27It is an exact replica of the one in her Paris atelier. You know, not many people even notice it.
06:33Well, not many people have passed out drunk on the original.
06:37Oh, I would love to hear that story.
06:41Well, you are in luck, because I love to tell it.
06:45But first, let me thank you for making me feel so welcome.
06:49I must confess, I had some reservations about returning to Seattle, but you've dispelled them all.
06:56To you.
07:01Please.
07:31What's the matter?
07:32Nothing.
07:37Okay. We just need to fill in a name, and I can get the application over to St. Osrick's.
07:45How can we have a name? I'm not even pregnant yet.
07:50It's not the name. It's just a placeholder. Anything will do.
07:53All right. How about Simon?
07:58As in your brother with the substance abuse problem, Simon?
08:01There are other Simons, you know. Simon Templer, Simon Legree, Simon Chipmunk.
08:10I'm not exactly building a case for Simon. Um, how about Jill?
08:14No, don't like it. That's the name of that weather tart on Channel 8.
08:20All right, let's just pick a name at random. Oh, right, out of the phone book.
08:24That's a good idea. Leave it to fate.
08:26When I stop, you point.
08:33Bob.
08:34Great.
08:40Bob...
08:43Crane.
08:44Okay.
08:50Bob Crane.
08:52Bob Crane.
08:53Okay.
08:56Don't need some point out.
09:02Oh, listen to me. I've been talking your ears off for the past hour about psychiatry.
09:07Yeah? Really?
09:09Oh, Roz, do you mind if we join you?
09:11Oh, yeah, not at all.
09:12Hi, handsome.
09:15It is such a pleasure to talk shop with a fellow nutcracker.
09:20And talking to you young people makes me feel like an idiot again.
09:27Do you have a pot and pressure?
09:29No, let's just sit down.
09:41What's wrong?
09:42Nothing.
09:44Oh, you know, there is a wonderful Brassai exhibit in town.
09:48What do you say we stop over there after lunch?
09:50I would love that. I'm a big fan.
09:52Oh, I wish I could join you. I have patients all afternoon.
09:56I suppose you'd be willing to go now, would you?
09:58Fine by me.
09:59Well, certainly. Let's go get our coffee at the museum.
10:02Oh, Dad, Roz, any chance you'd like to take in some Parisian photos by an old Romanian master?
10:11No.
10:13Thanks anyway.
10:15Oh, excuse me.
10:16Your father forgot his umbrella.
10:19Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
10:21Here you go, Dad.
10:28Well, I don't blame her for that. Leland's more like him than I am.
10:32Really? You really think so?
10:34Oh, come on. How can you not see it? They're like three fancy peas in a pod.
10:40Well, I did notice that they have the same taste in art, music, and they even have some of the same mannerisms.
10:47Yeah. And Leland and Niles are both allergic to rose hips and Jerusalem artichokes.
10:54Weird, huh?
10:56When Leland was talking to me last night about how close he and Hester were, I started thinking what you're thinking.
11:04And what am I thinking?
11:07Nothing.
11:10What are you saying? You think he's their father?
11:12No, I wasn't saying that.
11:14Well, lots of people like art and sherry and French stuff. It doesn't mean they're related.
11:21By your logic, everyone on my cooking channel is their father.
11:27Okay.
11:28Okay.
11:30Okay.
11:31Okay.
11:36What the hell is this?
11:38I don't know. It was there when I sat down.
11:48Leland, your autobiography is wonderful.
11:51Thank you. Let us hope that the publishing houses feel similarly.
11:56Have you shown it to Fraser?
11:58No, I haven't. How's he feeling, by the way?
12:00Let's go see.
12:01Right.
12:03Bring the manager. He'd love to see it.
12:06Hello.
12:07Oh, hello, darling. Go ahead. I'll be right.
12:11Okay, so Delilah's out.
12:15No, no, that's fine. That's fine. What are your ideas?
12:19Taylor.
12:21Fletcher.
12:23Cooper.
12:26Tenor.
12:29Where are you getting these? The Big Book of Medieval Professions?
12:36Fraser?
12:37Yeah?
12:38How are you doing?
12:39Oh, I'm afraid my stomach is still churning. I'm not going to be able to make dinner.
12:44Oh, I understand. Well, I'll leave you to rest.
12:47Perhaps, though, later, if you're feeling better, I can get your opinion on a short section of my autobiography.
12:53Well, when I can't give an opinion, you may as well call the coroner and tag my toe. I'm dead.
13:03No, that's a kind of car.
13:09Hey, Miles.
13:10Hey.
13:11What's going on?
13:12Oh, we were going to go out to dinner with Leland, but Fraser's not feeling well.
13:16Oh. Well, maybe I'll go check on him.
13:20Now it just sounds like you're reading from the spice rack.
13:24I realized the Sherpa had become my guide in more ways than one.
13:31Oh, that was wonderful. Read me another.
13:35No, no. Go to sleep now.
13:39Oh, Dad.
13:40Hey.
13:41Fras.
13:42Just, uh, was wondering how you were feeling.
13:45Oh, well, not so good, actually. I'm afraid I'm going to have to skip dinner.
13:52Why don't you go in my place?
13:54Sure, if you want me to.
13:55All right. You know, the two of you should get going, or Leland will miss the reservation.
13:59Right. Well, get well soon.
14:01We'll be wishing you a speedy recovery.
14:03Oh, thank you.
14:07Oh, Fras, you want me to bring you something back from the restaurant?
14:11Maybe some jello to soothe your tummy?
14:15Thanks, Dad. It's all taken care of. Leland's going to bring me some consomme and sorbet.
14:21Oh.
14:24Okay.
14:27Well, Niles, it looks like your dad is going to take Frasier's place at dinner.
14:32Oh, excellent.
14:35Oh, what's the matter?
14:37My leg's asleep.
14:39Oh, move your foot around.
14:41No, no, it's the whole leg. I'll just wait it out.
14:43Yeah, but the movement will get the blood flowing.
14:45No, no.
14:46Go ahead. Give it a try.
14:47No, I can't put weight on it.
14:48Go ahead. Give it a try. Come on. One step at a time.
14:50Oh.
14:52There you go.
14:54Attaboy.
14:56Attaboy.
14:57Just the way you are.
14:59Good.
15:08Hey, Roz.
15:09Hey, Martin. If you're looking for Frasier, he just left.
15:12Well, thanks, but actually I was looking for you.
15:15I could use a little advice.
15:17From me? Really?
15:19Well, if it stinks, I can always ignore it.
15:23Hey, come on in. I'm just finishing up.
15:28What do you need?
15:30Uh, it's the Leland thing.
15:34I mean, even though I know it's not possible that he's Frasier and Niles' father,
15:40I guess what's bugging me is technically it is possible.
15:45Well, sure it's possible, technically.
15:50Martin, do you really think your wife would have ever cheated on you?
15:57She did.
15:58She said it happened once.
16:01Oh, my God.
16:05With Leland?
16:06No, with someone else.
16:10I think that you're driving yourself crazy for nothing here.
16:14Of course Frasier and Niles are your sons.
16:17You're exactly like them.
16:19Like? How?
16:22Strong sense of ethics.
16:25Yeah, we are ethical.
16:30What else?
16:31The way they spin out of control.
16:34That's true.
16:36They got that from me.
16:39Their stubbornness.
16:41I'm not stubborn.
16:42Their defensiveness.
16:43What's that supposed to mean?
16:44The way they completely dismiss anyone who doesn't share their opinion.
16:47Oh, now you're just being dumb.
16:50Hey, what is the worst case scenario?
16:54If you found out you weren't their father, would you love them any less?
16:59No, no.
17:02Well, yeah, a little maybe at first, but no.
17:06I'd feel the same about them as I hope they would about me.
17:11Which they would.
17:14And you know that.
17:17Yeah.
17:19I mean, you'd still love Alice if you found out you'd gotten the wrong baby at the hospital.
17:24Sure!
17:27And as a cop, I've seen that happen more often than you'd think.
17:31Especially at Seattle General.
17:34I had Alice at Seattle General.
17:36Oh.
17:38Sorry.
17:39But the point was that you'd love her just the same, so who cares who her real mother is?
17:44I'm her real mother.
17:46Okay, jeez.
17:50How about Desmond?
17:51Desmond Crane.
17:53Desmond Crane, you are hereby sentenced to...
17:56No, I don't lie.
18:00What about Jack?
18:02Afraid not.
18:04The first name ends with the same sound that begins the last name.
18:08So you either end up running them together.
18:10Jack Crane.
18:11Or you face the dreaded glottal stop.
18:14Jack Crane.
18:15Jack Crane.
18:19It's unpleasant for the throat.
18:23This conversation's unpleasant for the throat.
18:25Oh, I know, I know. Okay.
18:27Oh!
18:30Why don't we use the name of that nice nurse from when I was in the hospital?
18:35Fong Audishandra.
18:39Fong.
18:41Fong.
18:44Well, let's not drive ourselves crazy about this.
18:46It's a temporary name for a hypothetical child.
18:49Yes, but once you give something a name, it makes it more real.
18:52And then that name will always have a sort of priority.
18:56I don't care how often you say elevator or apartment or crossing guard.
19:01To me, there'll always be lifts and flats and lollipop men.
19:05Well, then.
19:07Tell you what, you pick a name, and I'll accept it unconditionally.
19:12Milton.
19:14Milton.
19:15Great poet and a great name.
19:18Great. Can we go to bed now?
19:21Yes.
19:27Hey, didn't you have a soccer hooligan boyfriend named Milton?
19:31Yeah.
19:32Boyfriend named Milton?
19:33Yeah. That's where I got him.
19:45I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical
19:48From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical
19:52I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical
19:55I understand equations both the simple and quadratical
19:59About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot of news
20:02With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
20:16The other facts about the scary hippopotamus
20:28What a wonderfully musical family you are.
20:34We sure are.
20:37Me and my boys, my boys and me, yeah, we're wonderful and we're musical.
20:45Martin, I can't tell you what a wonderful job you've done with them.
20:49Oh, it wasn't a job, it was a biological pleasure.
20:53And don't forget I had Hester.
20:56Oh, excuse me.
20:58Oh, you were lucky.
20:59She was a splendid woman and a remarkable research partner.
21:03And an even better life partner.
21:05Well, I wouldn't know about that.
21:08Damn straight you would.
21:11Leland, your cab is waiting.
21:14Oh, so soon.
21:17Well, I can't thank you enough for all your courtesies.
21:23If you are ever in Paris, you must allow me to repay your many kindnesses.
21:28Oh, thank you.
21:29Thank you so much.
21:30I'm so proud of the way you boys have turned out.
21:32Leland, let me walk you out.
21:36Bon voyage.
21:37Oh.
21:38Leland, there's a question I need to ask you.
21:54Oh, yes, of course, anything.
21:56I'm a little uncomfortable even bringing it up, but I don't think I could let you leave
22:03the country without knowing the answer.
22:08I know that you and my wife spent a lot of time together, that you were close.
22:18I loved her very much.
22:24And I guess my question is, how much?
22:31It's tough to trust her with the fact that I'm gay.
22:38Oh.
22:39You know, 40 years ago, people weren't as accepting as they are nowadays.
22:48Without someone like her to confide in, she quite probably saved my life.
22:56Leland, she loved you, too.
23:13She really was something, wasn't she?
23:15Oh, yes, she really was.
23:18Bye, Mark.
23:23Take care, Leland.
23:34My boys.
23:35On a tree by a river, a little Tom tit, sang willow, tit, willow, tit, willow.
23:46And I said to him, Dickie Bird, why do you sit, singing willow, tit, willow, tit, willow?
23:54Is it the weakness of intellect, birdy, I cried, or a rather tough worm on your nipple
24:02inside?
24:03Oh, my God, are you still stuck picking a name for that application?
24:11Yeah, we can't come up with one.
24:13Oh, God, give it to me.
24:16And then I'll fill it in, and you'll never have to see it, and you won't feel stuck with
24:21it.
24:22That's a great idea.
24:38Howard Clifton is officially accepted.
24:41Who do we have next?
24:47Last name Crane, first name Ichabod.
24:52Well, if they're not going to take the application seriously, how can we expect them to take
25:06St. Osric seriously?