Soap Season 2 Episode 10
Soap Season 2 Episode 10
Transcript
00:00In the last episode of Soap, Dutch and Eunice decided to run away together, since it would
00:06be awful to be separated.
00:08Chester still has an awful lot of trouble knowing who he is.
00:11Elaine is no longer being awful, and therefore Danny and Elaine's relationship is not only
00:15no longer awful, but is actually awful nice.
00:18And even though Bird thinks Mary cheated on him with her awful professor, and feels awful,
00:22he feels more awful that he cheated on her.
00:25And the most awful thing about all of this is, Mary didn't cheat with the awful professor.
00:29Hopefully confused, you won't be after this week's episode of Soap.
00:37This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.
00:44These are the Tates.
00:46And these are the Campbells.
00:50This is Soap.
01:20Don't move or I'll shoot you.
01:27Don't shoot, Mrs. Tate, it's only me, Dutch.
01:30Oh, good, because I don't have a gun.
01:33But you're in the wrong room.
01:36Eunice's room is down the roof around the Eves Green Organdy curtains.
01:39You can't miss it.
01:40I know.
01:41I came to see you.
01:42You see, Eunice and I are running away together, and I wanted to get your blessing.
01:46I know.
01:48Eunice told me you're going to live in a farm.
01:50It's so romantic.
01:51Oh, yes.
01:52Hello, dear.
01:53Hi.
01:54How you doing?
01:55What the hell are you doing in my wife's bedroom?
01:57Well, I just came to...
01:59Get up there.
02:00Get out.
02:01The both of you.
02:02My wife will drop dead if she sees you in her bed.
02:05Chester, I am your wife.
02:07Is everything okay?
02:09I'm almost ready.
02:10Who is she?
02:12That's Eunice.
02:14She belong to you?
02:15Yeah, kinda.
02:16Good.
02:17Let's go get her out of here.
02:18I'll just go get a few things.
02:20I may not remember anything, but one thing I am pretty sure of, bedrooms are not supposed
02:24to be this crowded.
02:26Mrs. Tate.
02:28Yes?
02:29I want you to know that I'll take really good care of Eunice.
02:31I know you're not too thrilled her running away with a killer, but...
02:34Oh, listen.
02:35I'm married to a killer.
02:38Still, I don't think that this is what you had in mind for your daughter.
02:42Well, I guess not, but Dutch, tell me.
02:47Did you really kill a man?
02:50Yeah.
02:51Dead?
02:52You shot him dead?
02:53That's usually what happens in a successful killing.
02:56Of course.
02:57You see, what happened is that when I got out of the Navy, I borrowed some money to
03:00go into business.
03:01The banks all turned me down for a loan, so I went to a local loan company.
03:04They gave me $5,000 at a very high rate of interest.
03:07In the first week, when I couldn't come up with a dough, they broke my fingers.
03:10Second week, they broke my nose and two ribs in my knee.
03:12Plus, the guy that was beating me up had a very bad cold, so I ended up with a terrible
03:15cough.
03:16The next week, they was going to break my head, but I convinced them not to.
03:20How?
03:21Well, I talked to him for a while, and then I shot him.
03:23Oh, well, I think that should be considered self-defense.
03:26It was, but the guy who owned the loan company turned out to be the chief of police.
03:31I'm ready.
03:32Will you take my bags downstairs?
03:34Okay, you better hurry up.
03:35It's getting late.
03:36Okay.
03:37Daddy?
03:38Daddy?
03:39What?
03:40Daddy, I'm leaving.
03:41No.
03:42And I wanted to tell you how much I love you.
03:45Oh.
03:46Daddy, I've been a very lucky girl, and you have been a wonderful father.
03:51And I hate leaving you now.
03:52I wish there was something I could do to make things better for you, but I guess there isn't,
03:56so I guess all I can do is just let you know how much I love you.
04:00And get well, Daddy, okay?
04:03I love you.
04:04Goodbye.
04:06I want you to know that was a very touching speech.
04:09And I'd really be moved if I only knew who you were.
04:14Okay.
04:17Goodbye, love.
04:18Goodbye, darling.
04:19All right.
04:20I know.
04:21Okay.
04:22Bye-bye.
04:26Our little girl.
04:28She's enormous for a little girl.
04:32Chester, what I mean is I still think of her as a little girl.
04:37Oh.
04:39She must have been a very sweet little girl.
04:41She was.
04:42Adorable.
04:45It's all lost to me.
04:48All of it.
04:50The past, my present, future, it's all gone.
04:55I try, I try so hard to remember, and I can't.
05:01I'm so afraid if I don't remember soon, you'll have me put away.
05:07You've all been so good to me.
05:11I must have been some guy to have such a beautiful bunch of people love me the way that you do.
05:16Chester.
05:18It's agony to know I have a wonderful son and daughters and a wife and not know who they are.
05:26Sometimes I swear it's almost too much to bear.
05:30Oh, Chester, I just know it.
05:32Someday you'll remember.
05:35Remember what?
05:49Jody.
05:50Hiya, Ma.
05:51What are you doing here?
05:52I thought I'd come up and visit my favorite mother.
05:54How are you?
05:55I'm fine. How are you?
05:56I'm fine.
05:57Sure?
05:58Of course I'm sure.
05:59You're sure? You're sure?
06:00Jody.
06:01You're not fine.
06:02Jody, what is this? I'm fine.
06:03Ma, I know what you sound like when you're fine and you have not sounded fine in days.
06:07I'm fine, Jody.
06:09I figure it's got to be one of four things.
06:11You pregnant?
06:12God forbid.
06:14You having an affair?
06:15No, please.
06:16Menopause?
06:17Not yet.
06:18Bert's having an affair?
06:19Breakfast?
06:27Are you sure?
06:29Pretty sure.
06:31Ma, you got to talk to him.
06:32Oh, I can't.
06:33Why not?
06:34I'm afraid.
06:35Of what?
06:36Being right.
06:37Ma, it's better to know.
06:38No, it's not.
06:40I don't want to know he's sleeping with some young skinny thing.
06:43Maybe he's sleeping with some old fat thing.
06:46Yeah, at home.
06:49Jody, I can't compete.
06:52When I was 20, I could compete.
06:54Age has taught me to be philosophical.
06:56To accept.
06:57I can't do anything about it, and I accept it.
07:00There's nothing I can do except...
07:03hope.
07:04That whoever she is, wherever she is,
07:07someone will drive a knife right through her heart.
07:11Well, well, well.
07:12Look who's here.
07:13This isn't the bride-to-be.
07:15Ma, why don't you go sit on a drill?
07:18Listen, there he is.
07:19Now that Jody's here, he's moved out anyway.
07:20I see no reason why I can't have his room.
07:22Chuck, that's my sewing room.
07:24That's what I told him.
07:25Your sewing room?
07:26You made my room a sewing room?
07:28Well, what'd you expect?
07:29Well, he's a shrine.
07:31Ma, why don't you go upstairs and watch your feet warm?
07:34Mary, Bob does not need his own room.
07:36Well, I'm certainly tired of living with you.
07:38You've got disgusting personal habits.
07:40You know what he does?
07:41He sits around this room,
07:43and he has disgusting habits.
07:46Mary, think about the room, okay?
07:48Good morning, everyone.
07:50Hey, Jessica.
07:52Listen, when I get my own room,
07:53maybe you and, uh,
07:54you two friends will come and see me.
07:58Jess, how are you?
07:59What are you doing here?
08:00Well, I've been out looking for Chester.
08:02He's been missing since yesterday.
08:04Why didn't you call me?
08:05You must be frantic.
08:06Well, not really.
08:07You see, the other day,
08:08Chester said he needed his net stockings.
08:10He thinks he's Marlena Dietrich.
08:12And net stockings in his size
08:14may be very hard to find, Mary.
08:16He could be gone for days.
08:18I know a place where he...
08:20Coffee, Jess?
08:21Yes, please.
08:23Well, Jody,
08:24so you're going to get married, huh?
08:26Yeah, it, uh, looks that way.
08:28Isn't that nice?
08:29Yeah.
08:30I guess that means you're not gay.
08:32No, Aunt Jessica, it doesn't.
08:34Hmm.
08:35You know, Jody, when we were younger,
08:37there was no such thing as homosexuals.
08:39Yes, there were, Aunt Jessica.
08:41The homosexuals go way back in history.
08:43Who?
08:44Alexander the Great was gay.
08:46Uh, Plato was gay.
08:48Alexander the Great was gay.
08:50Uh, Plato was gay.
08:51Plato?
08:55Mickey Mouse's dog was gay?
09:12Aunt Jessica, would you be very offended
09:14if I didn't continue this conversation?
09:16Oh, no.
09:18Oh, Mary.
09:19Yes, what, Jess?
09:20Did you ask Eric about his affair?
09:24What?
09:26Did you ask Bert about his affair?
09:29No.
09:30Listen, I know you two mean to be helpful,
09:32but it's my marriage,
09:33and I have to handle this my own way.
09:35You're right, Mary.
09:36You're absolutely right.
09:39Mickey Mouse had a gay dog?
09:44You didn't know?
09:47First I heard of it.
09:51Goofy was his lover.
10:05And so, uh, Sally, I...
10:08I've been doing a lot of thinking, and, uh...
10:11Well, what I'm trying to say is...
10:13Sally, you're a terrific girl,
10:15but it's over.
10:22You and me, us.
10:25Over.
10:27Sorry.
10:32I can't do it, Sal.
10:33It's making me a nervous wreck.
10:34Look at me.
10:35I put on two different shoes this morning.
10:40Sally, you'll get over this really, very soon.
10:43You'll see, really.
10:45I mean, after all, we were together only one night.
10:49And I can't even remember the night.
10:50Of course, it's different with you.
10:51You were more involved.
10:52You were conscious.
10:54Still, I mean, what we're talking about here is, uh,
10:56maybe a 25-minute involvement.
11:02Sally, talk to me, please.
11:03Make this a little easier here.
11:05Say something.
11:08You told me you loved me.
11:09Say something else.
11:12You said we'd go away.
11:14What?
11:15To Aruba.
11:17Aruba? Never heard of it.
11:18Sounds like a rash.
11:20You promised.
11:21Maybe you got me confused with somebody else.
11:23You know, I got, right now,
11:24there's some guy sitting at Aruba Airlines
11:25wondering where the hell you are.
11:27You made plans.
11:29And now you tell me it's over after all that?
11:32If all I was to you, Bert,
11:33was a one-night stand,
11:34you never had to say all those things that you said.
11:38Sally, uh, are you crying?
11:40I guess, I guess you're not.
11:42Sally, please, don't cry.
11:45I feel so awful.
11:47I feel so cheap and dirty and awful.
11:51I wish I were dead.
11:56Well, not dead.
11:57That's a terrible thing to wish dead.
11:59Sally, don't be silly, Sally.
12:00I wish I were dead.
12:02No, no, okay.
12:03All right, please, take it easy.
12:04Sally, come, sit down.
12:05Sally, it's okay.
12:06It's all right.
12:07It's all right.
12:08It's okay.
12:09It's all right.
12:10It's very green.
12:11Take it easy.
12:13How about a cup of coffee?
12:15Please.
12:16Listen, um, Sally, uh,
12:20you are the one-night stand, okay?
12:22Really, um,
12:24I would never do that to you.
12:25Never.
12:26So just forget everything I said.
12:27Maybe I was a little too hasty.
12:29Maybe I didn't think things through.
12:31So forget what I said and take it easy.
12:34It's not over?
12:36No, it's not over.
12:39Let's sleep on it, okay?
12:43Okay.
12:45Together?
12:47Together.
12:49Oh, what a joker you are.
12:52You clean up the stuff.
12:53I'm so sorry.
13:01It's working.
13:03Give me a few more weeks,
13:04he'll be a broken man.
13:05Give me a few more weeks,
13:06he'll be a broken man.
13:21Come on, Ma.
13:22Sit down.
13:23I made some tea.
13:24Oh, thank you, Corinne.
13:26That's very nice of you.
13:28Don't worry, Ma.
13:29Daddy just forgot where the house is.
13:30That's all.
13:32No, Corinne, I don't think so.
13:34He's left.
13:35Oh, why would he leave?
13:37Because he knew.
13:38He knew he couldn't remember
13:40and he felt terrible
13:41and I didn't know how terrible he felt
13:43until last night.
13:44Now I feel terrible
13:45because I didn't know.
13:46But, I mean, what could I do?
13:47I didn't know and now he's left.
13:50We're back.
13:51Nothing.
13:52We covered the parks, the stores
13:54and all the movie theaters.
13:55Nothing.
13:56But there's this movie theater downtown
13:58called the Peekaboo.
13:59I can't believe what's playing there.
14:00Yeah, and he made me wait outside.
14:02All the other theaters
14:03we were in and out in two minutes.
14:04We get to the Peekaboo,
14:05he made me wait outside
14:06and he doesn't come out for half an hour.
14:09It was very dark in there.
14:10I couldn't see.
14:11I saw things you wouldn't believe.
14:15Hey, Benson, did you have any luck?
14:17Sort of.
14:18I didn't find him.
14:22Did the police get here yet?
14:24No, not yet.
14:25Where's Major?
14:26Uh, he's not here.
14:27Where is he?
14:28Out.
14:29You let him out?
14:31Benson, we wanted to help look
14:33and we thought it would be a good idea
14:34since he and Chester
14:35think a lot alike these days.
14:37Oh, wonderful.
14:38Now I got two gumballs to look for.
14:48You want me to get that?
14:51If you don't mind.
14:56Evening.
14:57Evening.
14:58I'm Deputy Gilmore.
14:59You reported a missing person?
15:00Yes, officer.
15:01My husband.
15:02Good.
15:03Name?
15:04Jessica Tate.
15:05Funny name for a man.
15:08No, I'm Jessica.
15:09He's Chester.
15:10Chester Tate.
15:12Wait a second.
15:13Wait a second.
15:15Bobby Gilmore?
15:16Yeah.
15:17Bobby the Chicken Gilmore?
15:21No!
15:22Yeah!
15:23Benson!
15:24I don't believe it!
15:25It's Benson!
15:26Benson!
15:27This is Benson!
15:30We know.
15:31Last time I saw you,
15:32you were eight years old.
15:33You've changed.
15:35Benson!
15:36I don't believe it!
15:37You, of all people,
15:38the biggest coward
15:39in the neighborhood.
15:41I used to call him the Chicken.
15:43Now you're a cop.
15:44It sure makes me feel secure.
15:48Benson.
15:49How about that?
15:50It's Benson!
15:51I know.
15:54Deputy Chicken,
15:55if you don't mind,
15:57please,
15:58about my husband.
15:59Oh, I'm very, very sorry.
16:01Missing.
16:02Answers to the name of
16:03Chester Tate.
16:05Also Colonel Tate.
16:06A colonel?
16:07No.
16:08He thought he was.
16:09And now he doesn't?
16:10We don't know.
16:11He might.
16:12I see.
16:13He also answers to the name
16:14of Marlena Dietrich.
16:16And Gloria Swanson.
16:18I hope they're paying you well.
16:20Because you've got a job
16:21on your hands.
16:24Also Gunga Din.
16:27Gunga Din.
16:28Let me see if I've got this right.
16:30Chester Tate,
16:31alias Colonel Tate,
16:32alias Marlena Dietrich,
16:33alias Gloria Swanson,
16:34alias Gunga Din.
16:36And while you're looking
16:37for the colonel,
16:38you might as well look
16:39for the major.
16:40Major?
16:41Is this a real major
16:42or a sometime major
16:43like the colonel?
16:45He's a real major.
16:46I see.
16:47But not an intern.
16:48I see.
16:49But not anymore.
16:51Gotcha.
16:52This is a zoo.
16:55You ought to see him eat.
16:58So, we're looking
16:59for a colonel,
17:00who may or may not be a colonel,
17:01and a major
17:02who used to be a major.
17:03Is that right?
17:04Right.
17:12Damn beast.
17:15I gave him the colonel's shirt.
17:16I gave him the colonel's socks.
17:19You'd think from socks
17:20he'd catch the scent.
17:22He took me to the river
17:23and he wouldn't budge.
17:26You lost the scent.
17:28Sigmund,
17:29heal.
17:34Pick up your feet.
17:39Now you only got
17:40the colonel to look for.
17:43Is he as bad
17:44as the major?
17:45Just about.
17:47You sure you want me
17:48to look for him?
17:51Take your time.
17:58You think we're normal.
18:00What do you mean
18:01do I think we're normal?
18:03We make love
18:04all the time.
18:06We don't make love
18:07all the time.
18:08Oh, yes we do.
18:12At least every night.
18:14You think other couples
18:15do that much?
18:16I don't know.
18:17You want to take a poll?
18:18Okay.
18:26Hey.
18:27Hey, what?
18:29What are you gonna do right now?
18:30What do you mean?
18:32Well, I mean
18:33are you gonna go to sleep or what?
18:35What do you got in mind?
18:38You want to?
18:39Again?
18:40You don't want to?
18:41I want to.
18:43I want to.
18:44I'll be right back.
18:48We are not normal.
18:50We are definitely
18:51not normal.
18:52But who wants to be normal?
18:58Thank you, God.
19:00In the last few weeks
19:01you have made me happier
19:02than in my whole life.
19:04You're really okay.
19:07Oh, Danny!
19:08Are you nuts?
19:09What is this?
19:10Your idea of kinky?
19:15Come here.
19:28Hey, Elaine,
19:29if you don't want to
19:30all you have to do is say so.
19:31You don't have to hide.
19:44Oh, my God.
20:15And will they find her?
20:16Find out the answers
20:17to these questions
20:18and many others
20:19on the next episode of
20:20Soap.
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