Soap Season 2 Episode 5
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00:00In last week's episode of Soap, Chester had a plan.
00:05To keep from being lonely in the basement, he made friends with a pet rat named Arnold.
00:09Unfortunately, Benson didn't know he was a pet.
00:12This ruined Chester's plan, not to mention any plan Arnold might have had.
00:16Meanwhile, Bert told Danny a plan to help him change a lane, and Carol told Jodi her
00:20plan to keep the baby.
00:22Tim and Corinne's plan for their wedding night was interrupted by a call from Tim's mother
00:25saying she was dying.
00:26Tim, who was sure she was faking, decided to go to her immediately or by the weekend
00:30at the latest.
00:31Dutch had to go on the run, but planned a return to see Eunice.
00:35And Chester, although he hadn't planned anything of the kind, had an attack and was rushed
00:38to the hospital.
00:39Confused?
00:40He won't be after this week's episode of Soap.
00:47This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.
00:54These are the Tates.
00:56And these are the Campbells.
01:00And this is Soap.
01:25At approximately 9.05, the doorbell rang.
01:29Then what?
01:30Then what?
01:31I told you.
01:32Tell us again.
01:33Tell us again.
01:34I went to the door.
01:35I opened it.
01:36I discovered Mr. Tate on the doorstep, unconscious.
01:38I don't know how much longer I can stand this waiting.
01:40Don't worry, Mother.
01:41I'm sure we're going to hear soon.
01:42You'd think they have a pinball machine or something around here.
01:45Really?
01:46Hey, a person can be sad and still play pinball at the same time.
01:49Mrs. Tate.
01:50Mrs. Tate, your husband is still in a coma.
01:53And we won't have the tests back for at least 24 hours.
01:55Oh, the poor dear man.
01:57And you can't do anything until then?
01:58Well, I'm afraid my hands are tied.
02:01But there is someone here who just might be able to help.
02:04It's this lad right over here.
02:05Me?
02:06I don't understand.
02:07Well, you see, Mrs. Tate, there's still very little we know about the power of love.
02:11Just a few minutes ago, your husband spoke his son's name and seemed to draw strength
02:14from it.
02:15And I feel that if we brought this boy to his father's bedside, he just might mean the
02:19difference between life and death.
02:22Well, yes.
02:23Certainly, by all means.
02:25You must be quite a human being to have touched another person so deeply.
02:29Thank you, sir.
02:30This way, Arnold.
02:31Doctor, I believe there's been a slight misunderstanding.
02:38This is Billy.
02:39This isn't Arnold.
02:40Oh.
02:41Arnold was a rat.
02:42Well, personality aside, I still feel if we could locate this Arnold and bring him to
02:47Mr. Tate.
02:48No, no, that's not possible, Doctor.
02:49Benson killed Arnold.
02:50All right.
02:51Hands flat on the wall.
02:53I had him pegged from the start.
02:54There was something about his eyes.
02:55And, of course, the color of my skin's got nothing to do with it.
02:59Stop that.
03:00Arnold was a real rat.
03:02A pet rat.
03:03A rodent.
03:04I killed it with a broom.
03:05Oh, I still don't like those eyes of his.
03:08It was nothing.
03:09I don't like your entire body.
03:10Look, Mrs. Tate, why don't you go home and get some sleep?
03:15I'll call you as soon as I get the reports back.
03:17Thank you, Doctor.
03:18Sure.
03:20When you came upon Mr. Tate, did any of you see this man lurking in the area?
03:23Goes by the name of Dutch.
03:25No, no, no.
03:26Thank you.
03:27No.
03:28Just routine.
03:29Wait a minute.
03:30Let me see that picture.
03:32Why?
03:33I've seen this man.
03:35You have?
03:36Of course.
03:37It's Benito Mussolini, you fool.
03:41Thank you.
03:43Officer, do you think I might have that?
03:45Just in case I see somebody suspicious in the neighborhood.
03:48Okay, sure, but be careful.
03:49He's considered dangerous.
03:50Thank you.
03:51I'll get the car and meet you around the front.
03:52Billy.
03:53Major.
03:54I am.
03:56Well, I suppose you know why I wanted the picture, don't you, Mother?
04:00Yes, Eunice, I know.
04:02What do you think?
04:04I think he looks better in person.
04:06No, Mother, I'm mean about us.
04:08Well, Eunice, it's very hard for me to approve.
04:11I mean, the man's a convicted killer.
04:13But then, of course, so is Daddy.
04:16And an embezzler, too.
04:18Yes, so it's hard for me to disapprove, too.
04:22The difference is, Eunice, when your father and I first started out,
04:25we had all kinds of possibilities.
04:27The world was ours.
04:29You and Dutch wouldn't have that.
04:31But I love him, Mother.
04:33I know, Eunice.
04:35But sometimes love just isn't enough.
04:48Hey, hey!
04:49Oh.
04:55New York University?
04:57Don't tell me somebody in this house is actually thinking of going to college.
05:01I am going to go to college.
05:07Does the college know?
05:11You know, it may come as a shock to you, things have changed.
05:14For instance, they no longer use quills and parchments.
05:17Quills and parchments!
05:22I really don't care to discuss this with you, Elaine.
05:31Aren't you going to feel awfully out of it?
05:34No.
05:35Why should I?
05:37Because you're so old.
05:40Elaine, I may not be 20, but I'm not a dinosaur.
05:42You're a dinosaur!
05:44You're a dinosaur!
05:47I don't know, if I was your age, I wouldn't go to college.
05:49Probably wouldn't leave the house.
05:51That's it.
05:55Whoa! What's happening?
05:57Oh, she's crazy!
05:59Take it easy, take it easy!
06:01Why didn't you let me kill her? I want to...
06:14Take it easy, take it easy!
06:18Ma, you don't have to kill her, because we've got a plan.
06:21Ma, listen, it's a great plan.
06:23Oh, good, what is it? A knife poisoned what?
06:27We're going to kill her with kindness.
06:29You're going to kill her with kindness?
06:31That's right, and I think it's time to get started.
06:36You see, what he's going to do is not let her dress, eat, sleep, nothing.
06:41Because there isn't anything good enough for her.
06:43And she can't get mad, because it's all been on her life, you see.
06:46He's going to kill her with kindness.
06:48If that doesn't work, can I just kill her?
06:50Sure.
06:57Your mother needs hormone shots.
07:01Don't, it's a brand new dress.
07:03Oh.
07:05Danny!
07:07I don't want garbage like this touching your skin.
07:10Danny, what is going on?
07:12It's not good enough for you.
07:14Nothing's good enough for you, baby.
07:18Well, it's true, it only costs $400.
07:22Wait a second, that's not...
07:24Well, I'm sorry, but it won't do.
07:26Not for you, not for my woman.
07:30This isn't like you.
07:32Good God, look at this garbage.
07:34I'm sorry, Elaine, but you can forget about these.
07:36No, no, wait.
07:38No, no, no, absolutely not, no way.
07:40Elaine, I'm sorry, but I love you too much
07:42to see you dressed in rags like this.
07:46Elaine.
07:48What?
07:50What the hell is that?
07:52What?
07:54That!
07:56This!
07:58Oh, no, Danny, stop it!
08:00Look at how flimsy that is.
08:02I don't believe this.
08:04Don't sit!
08:08Don't sit!
08:12This cushion is not clean.
08:14Other people have sat here.
08:16Danny, we have to be at a restaurant
08:18in 15 minutes.
08:20Let me see if I can find something to wear, okay?
08:22Maybe I have something that you like.
08:24Okay.
08:26Okay, I'll go get cleaned up.
08:28I can't keep my hands off you.
08:32And this one's no good either.
08:38So, is it working?
08:40I don't know.
08:42It's a little too soon to tell,
08:44but she seems very confused.
08:46So am I.
08:48Danny.
08:50Oh, you're ready so soon?
08:52Yeah, I'm ready.
08:54Danny.
08:56Oh, you're ready so soon, babe?
08:58Is this all right?
09:00That's more like it.
09:02You're sure? You are sure that you like this?
09:04It looks almost as good
09:06as you.
09:14Don't wait up.
09:16Yeah, well, have a nice time.
09:18Thanks.
09:20I'm sorry, but it didn't look as good
09:22from the back.
09:34Well?
09:36What do you say?
09:40Carol, generally when a girl gets a marriage proposal,
09:42she looks up from a chicken yakitori.
09:44What about
09:46sex?
09:52What about it?
09:54You said you would never go to bed with me again.
09:56Call me old-fashioned,
09:58but I consider sex with my husband
10:00a part of marriage.
10:08Well, I try.
10:10You try?
10:12Yeah.
10:14Oh, wonderful. That's a very relaxing way to live.
10:16With a guy who closes his eyes and pretends his wife
10:18is Arnold Schwarzenegger.
10:22Carol,
10:24I'm not sure, but I think
10:26when one person asks someone else to marry them,
10:28no one's supposed to make fun of anybody for at least a minutitude.
10:30Why are you doing this? Guilt?
10:32No. Well, it's true. I think I should.
10:34But, Carol, what's also true
10:36is I'm actually kind of excited about having a baby.
10:38Somehow
10:40I never pictured that.
10:42Neither did I.
10:44While I'm not what Dr. Spock had in mind when he wrote his chapter
10:46Becoming a Father,
10:48it's very hard not to be involved
10:50in bringing life into the world.
10:52Carol, this is my baby, too.
10:54And since I've been a part of its beginning,
10:56I want to be a part of the rest of its life.
10:58It can work, Carol.
11:00We really care for each other.
11:02We love being together,
11:04and you'd never have to worry about me looking at another woman.
11:08I don't know, Jody.
11:10I just don't know.
11:12Carol, I promise you that if we get married,
11:14I'll never touch another man again.
11:17Oh!
11:19Excuse me, please.
11:21I think I just stabbed myself.
11:33Wrong.
11:35You stick a rusty knife into my heart
11:37by leaving the priesthood,
11:39and you want to know what's wrong?
11:41Ma, there's no knife in anybody's heart.
11:43I feel I got an elephant on my chest,
11:45and he contradicts me.
11:47That's the kind of thing a mother really wants to hear
11:49just before she dies.
11:51I'm sorry, Ma, but the dying act doesn't work anymore.
11:53You're not fooling anyone.
11:55Tim, I don't think you should be quite so hard on me.
11:57Oh, perfect.
11:59Your mother's at death's door,
12:01and you have to bring along the bimbo.
12:03Well, it's true we haven't gotten along
12:05quite as well as we might.
12:07Oh, why stop there?
12:09Why don't you just step forward and spit on the bed?
12:11Ma!
12:13You remember that if anybody asks you
12:15who killed your mother,
12:17remember to say it was me,
12:19Timothy Flotsky, the fallen priest.
12:21Now get out of here
12:23and let me die in peace.
12:25Look, Ma, I fell in love with Corrine,
12:27and I married her.
12:29For the first time in my life,
12:31I did something for me instead of for you.
12:33It's called living your own life, Ma.
12:35But of course you wouldn't know about that.
12:37All you know about is making my life miserable
12:39and treating Corrine like garbage.
12:41Tim?
12:43She's not breathing.
12:45Of course she's not breathing.
12:47She's playing her
12:49I'll hold my breath till I get what I want routine.
12:51Tim, I think she's dead.
12:53She's not dead.
12:55She's dead.
12:57She's not dead.
12:59She's dead.
13:01She's dead.
13:03She's dead.
13:05She's dead.
13:07Okay, I'll tell him.
13:09Don't you ever go to lunch?
13:11No, I have it catered.
13:13Um, Mr. de Blasio called,
13:15said if he doesn't have a payment
13:17on your wife's loan by Friday,
13:19he sincerely hopes you have
13:21a good orthopedic surgeon.
13:23Oh.
13:25Problems?
13:27Yep.
13:29Oh, you're too nice to have problems.
13:31Thanks, Sal.
13:33You're much too nice.
13:35Uh, Sally?
13:37Uh, Sally,
13:39what are you doing back there?
13:41Nothing.
13:43Sally, I'm a married man, remember?
13:45Oh, I'm sorry.
13:47I'm really sorry.
13:49I just got carried away.
13:51I mean, it's so hard.
13:53Every day I see you
13:55and you're so incredibly good looking.
13:59You must know how irresistible you are.
14:01And it's just so hard
14:03not to...
14:06I'm really sorry.
14:10It's okay.
14:12Just really sorry.
14:14Hey, it's really okay.
14:16Anyway,
14:18I'm sure you must be used to it by now.
14:20Women crawling all over you.
14:22I'm sure you can't even take public transportation anymore.
14:24Well, no, that hasn't happened.
14:26I mean, if Al Pacino ever saw you,
14:28he'd probably never leave his house again.
14:30I mean, why bother?
14:32Well, I don't know about that.
14:34Here's a little short, I hear.
14:38I am sorry, Danny.
14:40And I promise it'll never happen again.
14:42From now on, I'll just look at you
14:44and be happy.
14:48I don't know. I don't know.
14:50A break is fine, but I think it's a mistake
14:52for guys on girders 40 stories high
14:54to be horsing around with a frisbee.
14:56I'll go break it up.
14:58Thanks, Dan.
15:00Any messages, Sal?
15:02Oh, good. Oh, I'm so bushed.
15:04Oh, thank you.
15:06Oh.
15:08Oh, oh.
15:10Oh, that's terrific.
15:12Oh, a massage.
15:14Oh, that's so terrific.
15:16Oh, massages are wonderful.
15:18I really love that.
15:20Oh, yes, a massage.
15:22That's a nice touch.
15:24Oh, that's nice.
15:26Thank you very much.
15:28Oh, God.
15:30I'm sorry.
15:32I'm really sorry.
15:34It's okay. It's okay.
15:36Your nose got stuck. That could happen.
15:38It's so hard for me.
15:40I mean, you must know.
15:42You see how women respond.
15:44To what?
15:46To you.
15:48You're at that age,
15:50that time of your life when you're at your most attractive.
15:54Oh, you are.
15:56Ah, you're so dynamic.
15:58That's what it is.
16:00You're dynamic.
16:02Oh, well, I don't know.
16:04It's, you know,
16:06lately I've been taking this new vitamin B complex.
16:08That's probably what's keeping me out of my cell.
16:10And it's so hard for me to be around you every day.
16:12To have to look at you
16:14and to feel your presence.
16:16Sometimes I almost feel faint.
16:18Oh, that's from eating a good breakfast, Sal.
16:20I mean, that feeling of faintness, that's what that is.
16:22No, it's from you.
16:24A couple of eggs, a few sausages.
16:26I look at you,
16:28and I get weak.
16:30It's been that way for weeks, this weakness.
16:36You're the most masculine man
16:38I've ever seen.
16:46The plaid shirt, Sal.
16:48You're responding to a plaid shirt.
16:50Where's Danny? I gotta go find Danny.
16:52It's, uh, it's a plaid shirt,
16:54and don't you worry about that.
16:56I mean, I've seen it happen a lot,
16:58in Oregon all the time,
17:00girls fainting from lumberjacks.
17:12Oh, doctor, are you sure?
17:14Oh, yes, this is definitely a lesion of the brain.
17:16You see, it's the type of lesion that can totally alter
17:18a person's behavior.
17:21Any mild-mannered person might suddenly turn violent.
17:23Well, if that's the case,
17:25then surely a man in his condition
17:27couldn't be held responsible for his acts.
17:29Oh, no, certainly not.
17:31Any behavior induced by the lesion is, of course,
17:33entirely beyond his control,
17:35and as I understand it,
17:37there has been a recent unpleasantness.
17:39Is he referring to the murder or the stock fraud?
17:41Well, whatever.
17:43The problem, legally speaking,
17:45he is suffering from temporary insanity.
17:47This brain scan alone is medical proof of his condition.
17:49I mean, about the lesion itself.
17:51We could do nothing, and perhaps the attacks will subside.
17:53But on the other hand, he might become permanently violent.
17:55And lastly,
17:57he might just drop dead.
17:59Now, on the other hand, we could operate,
18:01but you see, he might not survive the operation.
18:03Or he might come out of the surgery alive,
18:05but with the personality of
18:07a codfish.
18:09Well, it's nice
18:11to have so many choices.
18:13I just wish
18:15one of them were good.
18:17Well, this decision is
18:19yours and yours alone,
18:21Mrs. Tate.
18:23I'm afraid that there is simply not much time.
18:25Oh, yes, I understand.
18:27Of course, it would be much easier if this were a routine surgery,
18:29but this procedure is far from routine.
18:31It's the kind of surgery that requires
18:33an extraordinary combination of knowledge,
18:35skill, not to mention
18:37courage and stamina.
18:39Yes, well, Jessica,
18:41I think if you had an hour or so alone
18:43with your thoughts, then maybe...
18:45If I could pull this one off, this would be quite a feat.
18:47Doctor.
18:49Oh, yes, well, that's neither here nor there.
18:51Well, I...
18:53I guess you'd better go ahead.
18:55You want me to go ahead with the surgery?
18:57Yes.
18:59You've made a wise decision, Mrs. Tate.
19:01This will be good for everyone concerned,
19:03and the chances of your husband pulling through are very good.
19:05And I, of course, will be launched into stardom.
19:09Oh, Mary.
19:11I didn't know what to do.
19:13Do you think I did the right thing?
19:15I'm sure you did, Jess. I'm sure you did.
19:17Carly, it's just such a difficult decision to make.
19:19I know.
19:21Chester might die.
19:23He won't.
19:25But the doctor said that he...
19:27No. He'll be fine. I just know he will.
19:29You think so?
19:31Yes, I do.
19:33Chester is very strong.
19:35That's right. He is, isn't he?
19:37Oh, yes, Mary, you remember the winter
19:39we all had the flu, and Chester had the flu,
19:41and all.
19:43Of course, he did all the eating, too.
19:45Mary,
19:47he's just got to be all right.
19:49He has to be.
19:53I don't think I could stand anything else.
20:01I'll buy you a cheeseburger.
20:03With french fries?
20:05Mm-hmm.
20:12Will Bert and Danny's plan
20:14really change Elaine?
20:16And if it does, what will she change into?
20:18Will Carol accept Jody's proposal?
20:20Will Tim blame himself for his mother's death forever?
20:22Or just for the rest of his life?
20:24What is Sally up to?
20:26And are either Bert or Danny up to what she's up to?
20:28Will Eunice ever spend another night with Dutch?
20:30And if so, will there be passion?
20:32Desire? Lust?
20:34Or at least some nice refreshments?
20:36Has Jessica made the right decision to go ahead with Chester's operation?
20:38And if it doesn't work out,
20:41will she find happiness living with a cockfish?
20:43These questions and many others
20:45will be answered on next week's episode of Soap.
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