CRAYON SHINCHAN クレヨンしんちゃん EP55
anime,jdrama,cartoon
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:001, 2, 3, 4!
00:04Gingham!
00:08Fibromyalgical Mystery Tour
00:13Just gotta put my face on!
00:16Hi, Mitzi!
00:17Hey, what's up?
00:19Don't know if I've mentioned, but I suffer from fibromyalgia, a nerve disorder causing crippling pain.
00:24Yeah, you've mentioned.
00:27Well, it's got its perks.
00:30You've got shrooms?
00:32Yep, just got my medical mushroom card.
00:35Is it for me?
00:36I've got all I need to kill the pain and hallucinate a visit from my boys!
00:40Bye!
00:41Enjoy your imaginary sons!
00:47Smells strong.
00:49Time to trip!
00:51Where are we going?
01:00Where are we going?
01:01Hey, dear, remember that time in college we went up to Mount Hockeo and ate something?
01:06No, you were the only one who ate that, though it was amazing.
01:09But remember what made you throw up all over that ancient temple?
01:12What is this?
01:13Not yours!
01:14Now get back down to kid level!
01:16You mean the shrooms?
01:17Yep, the ones that made you think you were Brewstiffer, king of the slug people.
01:21Why do you bring that up? Just to make work seem more boring?
01:24Because tonight, we relive it.
01:26Why? Are you having a flashback?
01:28Do mushrooms cause flashbacks?
01:29No, a fibromyalgic fairy dropped off a fresh stash.
01:33We've got mushrooms? Oh my god, we've got shrooms!
01:38Oh, darn, we've got mushrooms growing in the basement again.
01:41Yeah, call up the mold guy.
01:43Tonight we trip.
01:46So we're going to a mountain?
01:49You're going to Yon-Ros.
01:51There's a sanctuary marathon on, so he'll be home to babysit,
01:54which means we're not liable for your and your sister's well-being.
01:57Ooh, what'll you do?
01:59Dad and I will find some way to fill-slash-alter time.
02:03We'll turn on, tune in, and drop out.
02:07By which I mean turn on the radio, fine-tune the channels, and dance until we drop.
02:11Yes, that's all I meant by that.
02:14I forgot to eat what that is.
02:16Oh no, Shin, you wouldn't like that.
02:18It's a healthy vegetable and it tastes like crap.
02:20Literally, they grow it in horse poop. It's disgusting.
02:24I should make something to hide the flavor.
02:26If I recall, they're like stale pistachios.
02:29Like horse poop and a piss mustache?
02:32You have sold me, woman. I'll take two heavy on the horse poo.
02:37Shin, you are not to touch this moldy veggie under any conditions.
02:41You know, since these were legal in Japan until just eight years ago,
02:45I don't feel like I'm being a bad mother.
02:47Yeah.
02:49Crap, the police.
02:51I'm not doing anything that could land me in a slammer.
02:54Oh, hey, Yuka.
02:57Seems like a veggie, but Mom doesn't want me to eat it.
03:05Maybe when you cook it, it turns to candy.
03:11No, I really, really want it.
03:16Oh, next time you go to the dispensary,
03:18can you pick up some of that mushroom popcorn and those mushroom lollipops?
03:21Mom said don't stick a fork in the toaster, but she didn't say chopsticks.
03:26Ew, it's covered in black gunk,
03:28just like all of those baby seals down at the beach.
03:31I'll burn the rest off.
03:34They have brownies? That could be bad for my waistline.
03:40I'm burning off the goop that's on the veggie
03:43that rises in the poop just like a wedgie.
03:48Don't worry, I made sure Shin wouldn't be interested in it.
03:51Gosh, can you imagine that kid tripping?
03:53Oh yeah, now that it's cooked, you really get the aroma of horsey poo.
03:57A splash?
04:02Well, here goes something.
04:11Tastes like soy sauce.
04:13I feel strange.
04:17Oh, I've got to call Yanro after I finish chopping up tonight's entertainment.
04:24I can smell it.
04:27That dirty sock scent really takes me back.
04:32That's odd. It looks like it's missing a piece.
04:36Must be hallucinating from the fumes.
04:41I taste like clouds.
04:45Pieces are steaming.
04:47What are pieces?
04:49Is this wrong of us? We shouldn't do it.
04:53Mom, don't freak out, but there's a three-headed crocodile made of cheese dust behind you and his name is Fred.
04:58No, we deserve a break from our reality.
05:01He's snapping and clapping his traps, but don't worry, I'll fight him off with my ass dance.
05:05You know, I don't really need anything from the store, but I need to get out of here.
05:09Shin be good. Shin's five now. He can take care of Hima.
05:14Your alarm's going off. Wake up, sleepyheads.
05:20One nostril feels bigger.
05:23Sorry, not for you, Fred.
05:29I'm in love with the seahorses. They're so beautiful and cute.
05:32They're freaking unreal. I love them.
05:37What is that?
05:41Do you want something to eat, doggie?
05:43Yes.
05:45Not so fast. What if this is doggie porn?
05:50Not so fast. What if this is doggie poison?
05:55I'll think like I'm a doggie and if I don't die, we'll know it's fine.
06:05I'm home.
06:06The chicken's up.
06:10What are you kids up to?
06:13Lucky, a dog on a horse.
06:19Ah, gold sake.
06:21The gold flecks will cut up our insides, so we'll absorb the mushrooms faster.
06:25Shin, you didn't understand any of what I just said, did you?
06:28I'll pass. I want to stay just sober enough in case Yanro sits on one of the kids.
06:33Your mom's so responsible and so bangable.
06:36Hey, dude, does your face taste like a cloud?
06:41Hold on. Where did you get that idea from?
06:44An irresponsible cartoon?
06:46Ew.
06:48Eat up, Shin. Yanro will be here soon.
06:51I can feel those golden flakes lacerating the walls of my throat already.
06:55Is this real life?
06:57Okay, let's see how mommy and daddy's special rice is doing.
07:02Yay, let's get the kids out of here and eat up.
07:06What the? Where'd they all go?
07:08Where'd what go?
07:13Shin, did you take the vegetables out of the rice cooker?
07:16No, but I saw who did take them.
07:19It was the purple hippopotamus whose skull was on the outside of his face skin.
07:25Quit goofing around. Tell me what you did with my mushrooms or I swear I won't...
07:32Get back here, Shin.
07:34There's too hot. He's not going to...
07:36Well, I'm sure as hell not going to let this internal bleeding go to waste.
07:41There's got to be a shroom he missed.
07:43Maybe I can lick the rice.
07:46I need to escape.
07:47What is this happening to me?
07:49Then just take the shroom.
07:51I took them. I'm a terrible mother.
07:54Look, I can fly.
07:58I'll be back.
08:07Today we'll act out my latest script.
08:09It has a running time of two hours.
08:12Why the gloomies?
08:13Cause your scripts all blow.
08:15Bonjour, mon ami.
08:17Ay! Yay!
08:18So you're producing something you wrote?
08:20Yeah, that's right.
08:21No, it's not! No, it's not! No, it's not!
08:24I'd like to volunteer her services as director.
08:27I'll be the kidman to Ives Buzz Lerman!
08:30Suck a bitch talks about herself in third person now.
08:33At her Swiss boarding school, I got private lessons from Roman Polanski.
08:36Polanski?
08:38Some girls have all the luck.
08:40Shin, I'd love to show you what she learned about directing a hot tub scene.
08:43I'll go get some props.
08:46Yeah, I'm out. That girl's crazy.
08:48This is our chance to circumvent the Hollyweird system.
08:52Fine, but you can say that cause she's not out to get your fun, but...
08:56Let her direct in showbiz.
08:58The writer has the last word.
09:02Mr. K, I need you to take her to the Tsutomi Pictures backlot.
09:06We have to catch the Concorde back to Zurich.
09:08Even with the time difference, she'll barely make it back to class.
09:10They'll wait.
09:12Unlike some unmannered people I know when they get a whiff of dog food.
09:19Damn, that looks good.
09:22The dumb dog won't notice if I swap it out for some alpo.
09:25Come to papa.
09:30That was hand-massaged, bear-fed orphan meat prepared especially for Julius Caesar.
09:34It's a thousand dollars an ounce.
09:36I was just testing it for... Wait, orphan meat?
09:39I might just let her mother see these.
09:41And they're super sharp cause I use printer ink that costs more than your life.
09:44Alright, next stop, Tsutomi Pictures.
09:50My fine butt is safe.
09:54Oh crap.
09:56Hop in the limo, Shin.
10:06I bet our props are extravagant.
10:08Yeah, fun costs money and we need eyes millions of dollars, not pennies.
10:14She's going to kill us.
10:15It was probably inevitable.
10:20Alright, Mr. P. Set the column down there. Mr. Q.
10:23Those are her props?
10:24Bring in the armoire.
10:25That's set design.
10:26Like a real Kirk Cameron film.
10:28Shall we invade unilaterally?
10:34This is the one they'll remember us for, Megumi.
10:39Whoa!
10:42Just one of the perks of owning a studio.
10:44Along with Johnny Depp's home phone number.
10:46You ready to slip out of those clothes?
10:48You always.
10:49We have the costumes from Tsutomi Pictures' hit film, A Midget History of the World.
10:53Meet the makeup team from Monster.
10:55They help Charlize Theron win an Oscar by transforming her into Mickey Rourke.
10:59We don't need the rich bitch's costly cosmetologist. I can do your makeup.
11:03Remember when I covered up your fake bruises and made you look like the Sex and the City chicks?
11:07I'll give you real bruises.
11:11I's going to go change in her own trailer while you write Shin and I a more graphic love scene.
11:15But you two are married, so you don't have any love scenes.
11:19Sam, or I.
11:21Huh? Your character's name is Sam.
11:23Aren't I what I say?
11:26Did you read that script?
11:28And Masa, wasn't there something less gay than a gladiator costume?
11:31I can't believe she finally gets to marry Shin.
11:34Even if it's pretend love like father's love for mother and not real love like mother's love for father's money.
11:41This shade of taupe does nothing for my complexion.
11:44Well, Penny made Shin and me swap roles, so now I'm stuck being eyes better half.
11:48We could husband swap. No one told me.
11:50Butler knows more than he lets on.
11:52This is the part I was born to play.
11:54Shep the Sheep is here. Energy all over.
11:58You're playing Shep the ruggedly violent sheepherder, not Shep the Sheep.
12:01You are the sheepherder, Shep.
12:03Yeah, I heard her.
12:05Thought bubble.
12:06What do you mean you're Sam now? That's supposed to be Shin's role.
12:09I don't question Penny. She knows how to hit.
12:11Places, everyone.
12:16I don't want to throw up.
12:18But Shin, there's no way I can neck with you now.
12:20I got plenty of neck.
12:22This is a farce.
12:23It's Savannah, Georgia, not the African Savannah.
12:26You ginger ho, you did this as a spy guy.
12:28There weren't any freaking giraffes in your stupid script.
12:31That's right. You haven't seen my extensive rewrite.
12:33I made a lot of changes.
12:35Like what?
12:36Oh, you'll see. Revisions are on the pink pages.
12:40Where are you going?
12:41My character doesn't make her entrance until later.
12:43You can start without me.
12:48Yes, another mint julep would wet the whistle just right.
12:51Would you not agree, sister who I'm unhealthily close to because I never took a wife?
12:56May I say you look resplendent today.
12:58You ain't today in all other days.
13:02I am so happy to have you as my best friend.
13:05And I love Lisa so much.
13:07Now, leave us be.
13:13I got in touch with a real good dick.
13:15He'll track down your daughter.
13:17Thanks. It's not like swans to up and disappear like she did.
13:21As soon as I married Lisa.
13:24Swan has returned home to roost.
13:27Daddy, daddy, where are you?
13:30Waiter, you a drag queen?
13:34But I thought I was supposed to have a daughter, not a gender confused son.
13:38I'm no boy. I'm Miss Grand National Star Grand Supreme.
13:41You mean the goalie and the shih tzu?
13:43Gingerbread pageant's not a dog show.
13:45Now listen, I am Sam's long lost exceptionally beautiful daughter, Swan.
13:50Got it.
13:51You play a girl who's pretty, check.
13:54So, where exactly has Swan been all this time? Did she run away?
13:57No, she was held captive by a handsy pageant coach who tied her to the wall with her own hair.
14:03What? That wasn't in the script I signed off on. What are you trying to pull?
14:06You didn't read the rewrite?
14:08Well, just ad lib and try to keep up, sweetie.
14:11I will not.
14:12Oh, I missed you so. I hated having another man's fingers on me.
14:17Uh, less details.
14:19Daddy, it's been hell ever since Lisa sold me into white slavery.
14:24Control your daughter, sir.
14:26Oh, well, young lady, you're imagining things.
14:30But daddy, it's all true, I swear.
14:33Oh yeah? And what kind of proof do you have?
14:35I'm afraid the only proof I have is a broken heart and a fractured clavicle.
14:40And why was I sold off to a pageant coach slash amateur nude photographer?
14:44Because I discovered my tubby stepmother's dirty secret.
14:47What secret?
14:49I said control your daughter.
14:51Go comb your mustache.
14:53Clearly a little girl who dresses like a fairy princess, lives in a fantasy land, totally divorced from reality and mirrors.
14:59Huh, bold words considering the fantasy you've been acting out.
15:03Oh, now what?
15:04For years you've been carrying on an extra-marital affair with that well-endowed beast of an animal right there.
15:17And now you're pregnant with his giraffe-rican-American baby.
15:20You put him in the costume just for that lame pun? You're a terrible writer.
15:23She set me off because I caught her lowering the giraffe onto her with a harness like Catherine the Great.
15:28Marcus, you're so fortunate you never took a wife.
15:31Damn straight.
15:32Daddy, you should banish this long-neck-loving harlot and leave your entire fortune in my big-loving hands.
15:38Lord knows she'd just use your money to buy a vaginoplasty and a step-
15:42Mr. King!
15:43Ma'am?
15:44Shut this thing down, now!
15:45I want to see what happens.
15:46Now I'll deliver the same heartfelt message I gave to clinch the crown at the gingerbread pageant.
15:51I personally believe that U.S. Americans are able to choose one or the other.
15:56We live in a land such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere, like such as,
16:00that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage, and in the U.S. America,
16:04I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman so we will be able to build up a-
16:09Don't play me off, I ain't done yet.
16:11Nice work. We can cut Penny's part in post.
16:14Now on to I's place for the wrap party!
16:16Rich food!
16:17Where does this gear going? I was just getting to the good stuff!
16:21Give up.
16:22No, never! I'll get Paul Haggis to talk to the scrip, she just has to pay him three million dollars in euros.
16:27It's a small price to pay for half-decent writing. Ciao!
16:32Will this help?
16:35Let's see Paul Haggis stuck to your face!
16:45The cats in the cradle robbing!
16:49Why did your parents have to pick today to completely forget about you?
16:53And of course, I get stuck with walking your sorry ass home.
16:56That's the last time I have a way off with Anderson.
16:59I think you're pretty lucky to escort home a man with my ample posterior.
17:03I'm doing happy hour with a gentleman I met on J-Date.
17:05I thought online dating was lame, but then I learned how deceptive you can make your profile pic with the right camera angle.
17:12Where'd you go?
17:13I haven't heard anything about that.
17:14I should have brought the tether.
17:16It's true, I saw it on the news.
17:18Huge packs of starving killer dogs are on the prowl here.
17:21I should take any food you have so you don't become a target.
17:25I won't let your ADD ruin my latest last chance at a love life.
17:29I am gonna walk you home and then I'm gonna get free drinks,
17:32and then I'm gonna get in his car and show him why I checked casual encounters on my profile.
17:36I think I hear the dogs, but how? I thought I made them up!
17:41It really is a shame I was only smart enough for a master's in education.
17:44Kids really get on my nerves.
17:47Let's get you home!
17:54If I was your mother, I wouldn't answer either.
17:57I don't suppose you have a key to your house?
17:59Yeah, it's guarded by the beast.
18:01Here, whitey whitey!
18:04I have no food.
18:06Sorry to wake you, but I need the key to my castle.
18:10I don't have to go through your poop! You know I cherish those days.
18:14Hurry up. I didn't get wax for nothing.
18:17The Shin has landed! Aren't you coming in?
18:20It's sort of cute that you think I care, Shin.
18:23But how will it look on the news that you left just before the fire?
18:27Goddamn you, Shin!
18:32First package today that doesn't smell like death.
18:34I'd guess more Sky Malls, but it sounds too much like knives.
18:38Can you help, please?
18:39No thanks!
18:41It says cash on delivery, so that'll be 30 bucks.
18:46I didn't know anyone still bought stuff, C.O.D.
18:48Your parents had better pay me back.
18:51I'm sure they will. Actually, they won't.
18:53Damn it! I've been broke ever since they started tying pay to performance.
18:57Went to bar. It's a work thing.
18:59Ask mom to pay for my package of nuts.
19:02P.S. Can you read yet? I forget.
19:04Then we can't even call mom to tell on dad because she left her cell phone here.
19:08Oh, now I remember. Mom told dad to pick me up because she had to get her no-more-accident pills, and I guess he forgot.
19:15Home alone with knives I bought.
19:17Oh, yeah! I should open those up!
19:19How long till they get home?
19:20Why are you so worried about my parents?
19:22I told you, I'm meeting a man for drinks.
19:25Well, we have drinks here. Bastard Cola and Diet Bastard Cola for my fat days.
19:30No. I like to have teeth when I'm old.
19:32Ugh! You're old and want teeth! Check!
19:35I hope I don't miss his call. I know the vibrate function works.
19:39Miss Katz! Miss Katz! Miss Katz!
19:40Yes?
19:41Would you like anything in your tea?
19:43Lots and lots and lots of booze.
19:45I like to pregame for dates so guys think I'm fun. Plus, I can pretend to pass out and see what he does.
19:50Uh-huh, uh-huh. Do I have booze?
19:52Are there locked cabinets?
19:53Oh, yeah, there is. I'll break into it.
19:56Okay. I was joking, Shin.
19:58Got it!
20:00Mom and Dad's kissing juice!
20:02I hope I'm kissing something later.
20:05Huh. Would this be wrong of me?
20:06What does your heart say?
20:08Half this, half tea. I deserve it.
20:11You're so much cooler than my mom, which is not to say that she's hot.
20:14Make sure you fill the bottle up with water when you're done. This could end my career if I get caught.
20:18Would you really call it a career?
20:20Fair point.
20:22Screw this waiting crap. I'm going to give this guy a call.
20:25Tee, between you and me, I think I know why cats came home with me.
20:29Alone.
20:30Hello, on-parole? It's me, Halabat Girl. From the sexting?
20:35Cause she's trying to charm me.
20:38Like those teachers on Dateline.
20:40It always starts with a hooch.
20:43That much would kill a horse.
20:45Oh, Tee, what to do, what to do?
20:48I better give you more water, Tee.
20:51I better give you more water, Tee.
20:53Huh? Way too much.
20:54You need more you. And more booze.
20:58Special delivery.
21:00Oh, thank you.
21:01Enjoy your beverage. I'll slip into something more comfy.
21:04Whatever.
21:07Now remember, no peeking.
21:09Shin, what the hell are you talking about?
21:12You know.
21:14Some people say that only alcoholics drink alone.
21:18But I've never seen what the big deal was.
21:21Ugh, holy crap, did they make this in a bathtub?
21:24Oh, what the hell.
21:26It's five o'clock somewhere.
21:29Ugh, this smells like horse tranquilizers.
21:33What do you want now?
21:34Do you prefer boxers or tighties?
21:36Well, if you're asking about my date, I hope he wears nothing and thin slacks so I can tell that he's into me.
21:43Something wrong?
21:47I shouldn't talk to a kid that way.
21:49But I'll stop caring any minute now.
21:51Okay.
21:52Okay. Finish changing and leave me alone.
21:55So coy.
22:05Eeny, meeny, miny, fart.
22:09What will I smell my best in today? Maybe old lasagna?
22:13One more can't hurt.
22:18I know Miss Katz prefers no undies, but this calls for something fancy.
22:22Action bastard or bare-ass Godzilla?
22:25Which should I become a man in?
22:29I'm really starting to feel it now.
22:31I hope this guy thinks drunk is sexy.
22:37If she doesn't like a man in action bastard undies, then it was never meant to be.
22:43Here we go.
22:45Miss Katz?
22:47I feel much hotter now.
22:50Gee, Miss Katz, you sure are drinking a lot.
22:53I know. Isn't it wonderful? We should do this more often, Frank.
22:56I'm saying, should I call you Rebecca?
22:58You can call me whatever you like. Just stop making drink. Can you find more?
23:03Okay. Will I get good grades for this?
23:06You're short but must be grown up because you make drinks happen.
23:09You're with Wonka, aren't you?
23:11Chocolate factory?
23:13Whatever you say.
23:14Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.
23:17You need food.
23:21Kay, I found some health food that's gross and some Pocky Mom made for me.
23:28Did you say Pocky?
23:30You want some?
23:31Oh, yeah. I love to put Pocky in my mouth.
23:35Yes, put it all in my mouth right now.
23:38Pocky, Pocky, Pocky.
23:41Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
23:45I thought this was going to be special but you don't even know who I am.
23:51Oh, I know. We should so play the Pocky game.
23:54I haven't played it since camp. I was a slut at camp.
24:01Too fast. Ready? Go.
24:04I love candy boobies.
24:06No one mentioned kissing.
24:08You're not very good at the Pocky game, are you, Midget?
24:11Ms. Katz, you've gone crazy. It's not like I imagined at all.
24:15Shut up. I have to practice the Pocky game. What happens if my date wants to play it tonight?
24:20What? You mean I'm not your date?
24:22What if Mr. On Parole plays the Pocky game to test all his first dates?
24:26What if he's the richest, hunkiest dream guy and I fail his test?
24:30Just hunkiest dream guy and I fail his test.
24:32What a dream guy.
24:36Come home to mama.
24:40I am home.
24:43I can't explain.
24:46Just help me.
24:52Bye.
25:00Bye.
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