Nineties Eastenders (14th May 1998)
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🦄
CreativityTranscript
00:00And here's the marriage certificate, to prove it!
00:29Baby, I'm Scotty.
00:30I think I'm gonna faint.
00:31Oof!
00:32Well, don't just stand there!
00:36You cow.
00:37Now, look.
00:38Mum, come with me.
00:40I'm not going anywhere.
00:42But you and Dad have divorced. You have been for years.
00:44Is that what he told you?
00:46You said you'd never been married.
00:48Do you have a toilet in this place? I think I'm gonna be sick.
00:50Will everyone stay in their seats while we try and sort this out?
00:53In private. The vestry. You two.
00:57Tiffany!
01:00I hate you.
01:01I hate the both of you. I always have.
01:03Oh, Tiffany.
01:04Peggy, stay there. Look, I'll sort this out.
01:06Time for Zagala had to strap on his shiny armour, I think.
01:09Excuse me.
01:11Now, please.
01:16I hope you've got a really good explanation.
01:22Tiff!
01:23Go away! Leave me alone!
01:25Look, I'm upset too, all right?
01:26What did you have to go and phone her for?
01:28I didn't know she was going to turn up like this, did I?
01:30So, is it true?
01:32Dad always said they was divorced.
01:36Look, given the circumstances, I think it's probably best we tell everyone to go home until we sort this out.
01:41And if there is going to be a wedding, it'll have to be on another day.
01:45I know people are supposed to cry at weddings, but isn't this going a bit far?
01:50Simon, you get back in there and see if you can sort out what's going on.
01:52I can't leave her like this.
01:53I'll take care of it. You go on.
01:55Tiff...
01:56Go on!
01:57Hey, would anyone care to enlighten her?
01:59What exactly is going on in there?
02:01Look, the lady's upset. Just keep your nose out of it, all right?
02:06Come here.
02:09I wish Grant was here.
02:14Could you stay outside, please?
02:15No way. Look, what's the truth in this?
02:17Come on, Terry. Tell him.
02:20He's been telling you we've been divorced all these years, has he?
02:23I think we should save this discussion until everyone's a little less heated.
02:26Is that what he's been telling you?
02:28I started the divorce proceedings, but she didn't want to know.
02:30Too right, I didn't.
02:32And you weren't prepared to give me a penny.
02:34I didn't have any money. I'd lost it all.
02:36Which was very convenient.
02:37So you are still married?
02:39Do you think I would have stood up out there like that if we weren't?
02:42Don't tell me it was never married at all.
02:44Why didn't you tell us, Dad?
02:45Because your mother walked out on us.
02:47You drove me out.
02:49I wanted it to be a clean break for you, for me, for everyone.
02:52I only did it because I loved you.
02:54I wanted to marry you and I couldn't see any other way.
02:56I only wanted to make you happy.
02:58I've got to get out of here.
03:00I can't go through there with all these people laughing at me.
03:02You're supposed to be in charge!
03:04I'll make an announcement.
03:05I can't wait that long.
03:07Where's the key?
03:08Give me the key!
03:09Come on, with me.
03:10Give me the key!
03:12You tow-rag!
03:13It took him 15 years to get me into that state.
03:16It's taken him less than 15 minutes with you.
03:18Shut up!
03:19Give me the key!
03:21Right, I've had enough of this.
03:23No, Tony, don't!
03:25Help me.
03:27Oh, come here.
03:31Look, I don't have the key.
03:33The key is in the kitchen. We're not in the kitchen.
03:35Oh, I'll go and get the key, all right?
03:37You lousy, stinky piece of meat!
03:39Are you sticking up for him, are you?
03:41I remind everybody that this is a house of God!
03:47Now, I'm going for the key, all right?
03:54I need to get out of here.
03:57I'm sorry.
03:59I've got nothing against you.
04:01If there was any other way...
04:04They wouldn't have been married to me this fast!
04:09I do apologise, ladies and gentlemen,
04:11but I'm afraid the wedding's been cancelled.
04:13So if you'd all like to leave quietly.
04:15Please don't hang around outside the church,
04:17because gossip and speculation
04:19is only going to make a very unhappy situation worse.
04:22Look, what's going to happen?
04:23I'm going to have to tell the bishop.
04:24He's bound to get back to him.
04:25What do you mean?
04:26Sarah, someone's trying to commit a criminal offence here today.
04:29I've got no choice.
04:36Why on earth did I ever allow myself to get dragged into this?
04:40If it's any consolation, I thought you did the reading very well.
04:43Beats Leeds Castle.
04:44Hey, hang on.
04:45Is that music what I think it is?
04:53SHE LAUGHS
04:55What am I going to do?
04:57You need to take care of yourself.
04:59Or better still, let me take care of you.
05:01I ain't laid eyes on her for years.
05:03I mean, what are people going to say?
05:04I'll never be able to sit foot behind that bar again.
05:06The only person you should be thinking about right now is you.
05:09I need to know what's going on.
05:11Don't get involved.
05:12You'll only get more upset.
05:14So that woman that walked in, she's still married to the groom?
05:16Don't ask me, pal, I'm just here for the party afterwards.
05:19We're talking bigamy, are we?
05:21That's what the party's all about.
05:22I mean, the Mormons, they have loads of wives, don't they?
05:24I mean, they seem to do all right.
05:26I could sell this one to the Sunday's.
05:31Stay away from me!
05:33I don't want you near me!
05:35You think this is going to pay for my holiday?
05:37Excuse me.
05:38You got any comments to make about what's just happened?
05:40Irene! Please!
05:42This is all my Christmases and birthdays come at once.
05:44Dad!
05:46Just dig a hole and bury me in it, will you, Simon?
05:49That's all I want right now!
05:51Oh, Dad, just get out, for heaven's sake!
05:53Oi!
05:58What do you think you're doing, eh?
05:59I'm doing my job, all right? That is my mum.
06:01Take me to my home. Don't ask any questions, just drive.
06:05Where's Cameron? Is he insured?
06:07I'll have you, mate. I'll have you for criminal damage.
06:09Oh, yeah.
06:11Nice one.
06:13I wasn't doing it for you.
06:15Keep away from our sister, all right?
06:17That's just what Grant would have done, thanks.
06:19Nice sweat.
06:21Simon?
06:22It's true. They never got divorced.
06:26I don't suppose you could oblige with a cigarette?
06:28Gave up 15 years ago, but at a time like this?
06:31Yeah, sure, sweetheart.
06:33Mum?
06:34I'm sorry, my darlings.
06:36But what was I supposed to do?
06:39Hey, they're early!
06:41The bridal car's just turned into the street.
06:43You can put your record on now, if you like, Bruno.
06:46It's just what I've been waiting for.
06:48Where are those kids? I told them to come straight back.
06:50I'd better make a start on the vaulevons.
06:53Yeah, wait a minute. Rosa, come here.
07:02Second thoughts?
07:04Maybe the vaulevons can wait.
07:08What's going to happen to the gig?
07:10I think it's been cancelled.
07:11What am I supposed to do with this?
07:13Save it for your own wedding, darling.
07:15Is that supposed to be funny?
07:17How are you feeling?
07:18I'm not in the mood.
07:19But what have I done now?
07:21Men.
07:22What about men?
07:23I wouldn't trust any of you.
07:25What was all that about?
07:26What?
07:27Has he been upsetting you?
07:28Leave me alone, will you? I don't want to talk to anyone.
07:33Everything all right, son?
07:34I don't know. What's going on?
07:37Tiff, have you seen Dad?
07:38He was here about ten minutes ago. Now he's completely disappeared.
07:41I don't care where Daddy's. I just want to get out of here.
07:45I just want to get out of here.
08:16I know some people think it's strange the way we do weddings in India.
08:20But in all the ceremonies I've been to, I've never seen anything like that.
08:24Does it happen a lot?
08:27Everybody, please.
08:31Now, I know we're all wondering what to do right now.
08:33And the fact is, back at the restaurant, we've got a full wedding breakfast cooked and paid for.
08:37Not to mention we've got two cases of champagne that have already been put on ice.
08:40And aside from the fact that we're missing the two people that normally feature at these occasions,
08:44I don't really see the point why we can't go back and have a really good time.
08:50Oh, yeah. Let's all have a really good laugh.
08:53We're never going to be the last of this.
08:56This may not be what you want to hear right now,
08:59but there hasn't been a day when I haven't thought about you two, you know.
09:03How are you getting back?
09:05Well, I ain't going to no reception.
09:07No, no, of course not. But you need to get back to the square.
09:10How did you get here?
09:11Me and Peggy took a cab.
09:13Well, only I've got my car. It might make things easier for you.
09:16All right, thanks. What about Simon? Can he come along?
09:19Yeah, you're all welcome.
09:21Well, I'll go and tell Peggy what you're going to do, and she can make her own arrangements.
09:31I thought you started work at the video shop this week?
09:34I happen to be on my lunch break.
09:37Not off to the wedding then?
09:38No, I've decided not to then. I've been looking after little Courtney instead.
09:42Where is she now?
09:43Oh, she's asleep. Roy's back at the house. I decided to have a breather.
09:47It'll be over with now.
09:49Poor old Terry. That's his life over with.
09:52What do you mean?
09:53Marriage is a mug's game.
09:55You said it, Barry.
09:57At least he ain't gone and made a total fool of himself.
10:08You've got a nerve.
10:10Irene, I'm so sorry.
10:11Get out!
10:12I just want to explain.
10:14I've been humiliated in my time, but nothing, nothing compared to this.
10:17I only did it because I love you.
10:18Shut up!
10:19Once in my life, I was trying to do the decent thing.
10:21Decent thing?
10:22Well, it's not like I was after you for your money or anything.
10:24I had some good luck. I wanted to share it with you.
10:26Go away!
10:27Well, no one took you and me seriously.
10:29I just wanted to prove them all wrong. Can we talk?
10:32I really don't want to lose you.
10:35The only thing is, I've got a cab waiting outside
10:37and I didn't take my wallet with me.
10:39I don't suppose you've got a fiver handy by any chance, have you?
10:42Terry was the one who was lying, not your mum.
10:45She'll be all right.
10:47You know, you're saying all the right things and being strong.
10:50I'm just doing me best.
10:52You know, I love you so much.
10:54I never realised quite how much until now.
10:57I love you.
10:59I love you.
11:01I never realised quite how much until now.
11:04Really? You coming in, sis?
11:06Yeah, in a minute.
11:09Look, maybe I'd better pop over and see if Mum's all right.
11:12Who knows what's going on over there.
11:14Do you want me to come with you?
11:15No, I'll be all right, honestly.
11:19I think the least I can do is buy everyone a drink.
11:22Well, hello again, Louise.
11:24Looks like you've caught up with them at last, eh?
11:26How do you two know each other?
11:27Oh, we were talking here no more than three quarters of an hour ago, weren't we?
11:30I thought you were back a bit early. What happened to the reception?
11:33Well, who's going to say?
11:36Darling, don't! Please!
11:38It's all right. I'll take care of this. I'll look after her.
11:41Why? What's happened?
11:42There was no wedding.
11:44Eh?
11:45Pat, meet my mum, Louise.
11:48Your mum?
11:49Who, it turns out, is still married to me dad.
11:56You know what I said about the noise?
11:58This is the unwedding celebration.
12:00Everyone's going to have a good time here.
12:02Well, I don't usually, but maybe just a little.
12:05I think you can make a start now.
12:06I'll start when I'm good and ready, OK?
12:10There you go. You're those, don't you?
12:12Cheers, dad.
12:13Might get some smiles on your faces at last.
12:15Yeah, well, please yourself.
12:21Why haven't I seen your mum?
12:22Well, she didn't want me there. She's talking with Terry.
12:25All right.
12:26Right, now I can really do with someone holding my hand.
12:28Do you want to go for champagne?
12:29Yeah.
12:32I don't want to put you off your champagne, mate,
12:34but have you seen what she's wearing on her finger?
12:36Afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
12:39Because Rosa wasn't expecting everyone back quite so early,
12:42the food's not quite ready yet, so we're going to kick off our set now.
12:46This one's for Irene.
12:48Someone once said,
12:49a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
12:52I'll go along with that.
12:57MUSIC PLAYS
13:01I thought I told you to leave me alone.
13:05When did you put that on?
13:06Just now.
13:07But I thought we could turn it into an engagement party.
13:09I'm going to make an announcement in a bit.
13:13There you go. Get that down you.
13:17That's right, enjoy yourself.
13:18But you're all having a good laugh, aren't you?
13:22So, are money paying for that?
13:24Why? What are you going to do, break it up?
13:26Listen, Irene, I don't expect you to forgive me for this.
13:29Forgive you?
13:31I've got no illusions about myself.
13:33I know what I'm like, I don't blame you.
13:35I'm going to have to move away.
13:36Well, it's a bit drastic, isn't it?
13:38How can I ever walk into a shop or a pub again?
13:40How can I sit behind the counter at the bookies?
13:42The thing is, the reason I fell in love with you in the first place
13:45was I didn't think you had any illusions about me either.
13:47You took me the way I am.
13:49I wasn't bargaining for this.
13:51To be lied to, to be so utterly deceived.
13:54I used to be an estate agent, what did you expect?
13:57Terry, this is not the right time.
14:00Oh, I can't bear this.
14:02Right, I'm going to get your coat.
14:04What?
14:05We're getting out of here.
14:06I'm not going anywhere in this.
14:07All right, then.
14:09Come on, get changed.
14:12All I had was a message from Simon that Terry was getting married.
14:15I didn't realise it was today.
14:17What else was I supposed to do?
14:18Oh, you've probably gone and done Irene a big favour.
14:20I wish somebody had done the same for me when I first got married.
14:23I don't think it's a joke you're mad about.
14:25And now Tiffany's furious with me.
14:27And I haven't even seen my granddaughter yet.
14:29Listen, I'd better get down there and find out what's going on.
14:32What about me?
14:34Where am I going to stay tonight?
14:35Well, with me, of course.
14:36I'll come back for you later.
14:41I need another drink.
14:43Serena, have some more drinks when you're ready, love.
14:45Well, I'd better get back or I'll be wondering where I am.
14:51So you're a grandmother, eh?
14:53Well, I'll tell you something straight up.
14:55I had you down as Tiffany's elder sister.
14:57Except I know she hasn't got a sister, so I didn't say anything.
15:00No, honestly, I had you down at about 30 years old.
15:03So where's the husband?
15:05He's in Cyprus having a break.
15:07So who's that fella she's upstairs with now?
15:09I found a bottle on the side in the kitchen.
15:12I'm all right.
15:13No, come on, you're in shock.
15:16I always wanted her to get back in touch, secretly,
15:18but I'm not like this.
15:20You don't have to be brave. Cry if you want to.
15:22I just can't take it in.
15:26I don't ever want to go out. I just want to stay here forever.
15:28No-one's making you go anywhere.
15:30You know why she's here, didn't you?
15:32Not because of me or Simon, but because she wants me dad's money.
15:34You don't know that.
15:35Never there when I needed her and there that I don't.
15:37My mother's always been there whether I needed her or not.
15:40That's not so great either.
15:42I was always so ashamed of my family.
15:44Could never bring me mates back home.
15:46Guaranteed they'd be a rare.
15:48Can I have another one in there?
15:49Sure.
15:53So, er...
15:55How old were you when she left home?
15:5714.
15:59Just when I persuaded myself that I didn't care any more.
16:08I'm sorry, I'm having to shut up shop for five minutes.
16:10I do apologise.
16:15Oi, congratulations! How did it go?
16:17This is what it's going to be like.
16:19I want to go somewhere where there are no people.
16:22I've got an idea.
16:24You ain't seen Barry around anywhere, have you?
16:36Thanks. Thanks.
16:38We're going to slow things right down now,
16:40so if any of you are feeling romantic out there now,
16:42there's your big chance that girls, for goodness sake,
16:45if he asks you to marry him, you know what to say, don't you?
16:51I've had enough. I want to go home.
16:53Join me, Syl. I want to go home.
16:55Have another drink. I'll get it.
17:03You want to dance? Yeah.
17:05Yeah.
17:24Are you feeling pleased with yourself?
17:26What do you mean by that?
17:28Well, only that if you hadn't taken it upon yourself to call your mother.
17:31Hang on. So this is all my fault, is it?
17:33Yeah, well, don't.
17:37If you're that jealous, you can always cut in with me.
17:40Who said I was jealous? You've got to stop looking at me.
17:43I weren't looking at him.
17:45Look, this has been one of the most difficult days of my whole life,
17:48and you're not helping.
17:56Do you want to dance? You are.
17:58I can move just about my little slow one,
18:00as long as you don't tread on my toes.
18:06If your mum and dad could do it, I don't see why we can't.
18:09You're not serious about making this announcement, are you?
18:12Then what is the problem?
18:14Come on.
18:18You've had to dance for all time, Syl.
18:20I won't give it a rest.
18:22You never did know when I was winding you up, did you?
18:25I'm going to go and find out what's happened to the deck.
18:30If I thought for a moment that you'd say yes...
18:33What?
18:34..I'd tell you to pack a bag,
18:36I'd get my car and I'd drive you right away from here.
18:39If I didn't have a husband and a baby?
18:41Where would you like to go? Italy?
18:44I know just the place.
18:46A little villa in the Tuscan hills,
18:48turquoise sky and the tinkling of the cowbells from the field below.
18:53Sounds wonderful.
18:55And in the morning you wake up
18:57and out on the balcony is fresh bread and coffee
19:01and a view that goes on forever.
19:03I feel I could cope with that.
19:06Only you're not going to say yes, are you?
19:08Because you're not going to ask me, are you?
19:11So where does that leave us, then?
19:13Here in Walford.
19:15I could always pretend.
19:17Don't, Pepe.
19:19You must know how I feel about you.
19:23And I think you feel something for me too.
19:27I'm not very good at this sort of thing.
19:29Let me be the judge of that.
19:31I've got enough on my plate without cheating on my husband.
19:34You'll never know how much I want you right now.
19:37I think you ought to go.
19:40Really.
19:43Please.
20:14Do you mind if I get out a bit?
20:16Am I dancing all good enough for you?
20:18No, just a bit of stuffiness.
20:20Yeah, come on.
20:33Thank you, thank you.
20:35We're going to take a short break now.
20:37The food at last is ready, I'm told.
20:39So eat, drink and be merry.
20:43I thought you weren't meant to be drinking.
20:45Bad for your liver, innit?
20:47Can't we at least be polite?
20:50I know you're a bit thick, Ricky,
20:52but I'd have thought even you would know when you'd be a maiden monkey off.
20:59What did you say to him just now?
21:01What did you just say?
21:05You know, much like the house, the pub, the bookies.
21:09I don't know where he's got to.
21:11This was supposed to be my wedding day.
21:14I never thought I'd spend it in the middle of a potato patch.
21:18Something old, something new.
21:20Be what?
21:22Old potatoes, new potatoes.
21:24All we need now is something borrowed and something blue.
21:27What a day.
21:29You know, we're going to look back on this in years to come and we are...
21:32Don't you dare!
21:36That's my girl.
21:38Hey!
21:41The thing is, if we haven't got each other, we've got nobody.
21:45The kids are all grown up now, they don't want us anymore.
21:48What are we going to do without each other?
21:51Oh, Terry.
21:55Did you mean what you said in the vestry about never wanting to marry me?
22:00No.
22:02Well, sort of.
22:04I had half a mind to leave you standing at the altar this morning.
22:07Why's that?
22:09Last-minute nerves.
22:11I just didn't really want to get married again.
22:14It's not that I didn't want to carry on living with you,
22:16I just couldn't bear the idea of feeling the way I felt with Ted.
22:19What are you saying? It's all worked out for the best.
22:22Oh, yes.
22:26Tell me something.
22:28Have you got guts?
22:30What do you mean?
22:32I think you've got guts. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with you.
22:35What do you want to know?
22:37I've had an idea.
22:39Oh.
22:42Bruno.
22:44What do you think you're doing? Behave yourself.
22:47We're just having a little chat, that's all.
22:50You mean you were?
22:52I'm done missing you two together again. Go on. Go on.
22:58Well?
23:00You didn't.
23:01I say nothing, you dirty old dog.
23:03Of course you're not.
23:04I'm a gentleman, I'm saying nothing.
23:06Come on, I'll get you a drink.
23:09OK, I think now's the time.
23:11So who's going to say it? You or me?
23:13Really, Sarah, I don't think this is a good idea.
23:15No, what are you so frightened of?
23:19Whoa.
23:21Excuse me, pal, but you wouldn't have any idea
23:23what's going on between my son and his missus, would you?
23:26No.
23:27You see, things ain't been too good between them just recently.
23:30And I've got a gut feeling you've got something to do with it.
23:33Honestly?
23:34Well, I hope so, because just in case you didn't quite grasp it,
23:37that was your first official warning.
23:44Are you all right, me?
23:47Yeah.
23:49That's better.
23:50Listen, everybody, I've got an announcement to make.
23:53Well, I thought I'd give us all something to celebrate.
23:56It's about me and Matthew.
23:58We got engaged last week.
24:00Oh!
24:01CHEERING
24:03Matthew, where are you going?
24:05You see, that's what happens when you give advice to amateurs.
24:08Too right.
24:09Ricky, you're just being ridiculous!
24:11Don't pretend, Bianca.
24:12Every time I turn red, it's you and Lenny and a conversation.
24:15This is stupid!
24:16It seems like everyone knows but me!
24:18You've got it all wrong!
24:19What else can you hear tell you?
24:20Why would you believe you before you believe me?
24:22Well, come on, then, what's the truth? Come on.
24:24See, that's all I need to know.
24:25All right, something did happen.
24:27That's not what I wanted to hear.
24:28It's not? You think?
24:29I wanted you to tell me that it wasn't true, that it was lying.
24:32No, it was all over. It was a long time ago.
24:34I don't want to know the details, all right?
24:38So, you're proud of me.
24:40Well, shouldn't I be? I read that thing really well.
24:43I've never heard you say anything like that before.
24:45Not all the time we were married.
24:47That's the thing about being married, isn't it?
24:49Take it one step at a time.
24:51I guess.
24:53Hi, Ricky.
24:55Ricky, let me explain, please!
24:59The joys of married life, eh?
25:02We're not married now, are we?
25:04No.
25:06Why are you running away? I don't understand!
25:09Why did you have to go and do that?
25:10What's the point of keeping it a secret?
25:12I'm not ready, I never was!
25:14But, Matthew!
25:15Look, I can't cope with this, all right? Just leave me alone.
25:18And what am I going to tell people?
25:24What am I going to do with this now?
25:26What is it?
25:27It's my speech.
25:28All that blood and sweat for what?
25:30No-one's going to hear it now.
25:32No.
25:33What a waste of time.
25:35I heard it, eh?
25:36I reckon it was spot on.
25:39Come here.
25:41Susan, is this a good idea?
25:43Come here.
25:44Come here.
26:03Come on, then, I want all the details.
26:05What, are you going to have a long wait now?
26:07No, I don't think you did it at all.
26:08I couldn't have done that.
26:10So you did do it?
26:12I don't think I want to change the subject or anything.
26:14Did you happen to notice our sister sloping off to the kitchen with that Tony Guzik?
26:18You better shop around, yeah, you better shop around, yeah, you better shop around.
26:41Afternoon, everybody.
26:43I hope you've all had a really good time.
26:45Thought for a while back there I was going to get out and make a speech,
26:47but it looks like I'm lumbered anyway.
26:49Excuse me, I need to be somewhere.
26:50Johnny, where do you think you're going?
26:52Point is, we've given everyone a really good laugh today,
26:55and if you're happy, then we're happy.
26:57Meanwhile, my living partner and I are going away on honeymoon as planned.
27:02That surprised you, didn't it?
27:04Are you anything to add, my love?
27:06Only to say that it's such a shame you can't all come with us.
27:09But I think we can learn to live with that, can't we?
27:12Yeah, I think we can.
27:14Yeah.
27:17I think we can.