Category
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FunTranscript
00:00Would you look at that?
00:01The image we gave it was 45% white noise,
00:04and it still managed to reconstruct it.
00:06I've never seen results like this before.
00:08We need to stop for magnets on the way home.
00:10This is going right on the fridge.
00:13Aren't you glad you participated in this?
00:15Oh, I am.
00:16And you realize what the next step is.
00:19Set up a second culture and try to replicate our results.
00:22Uh, no.
00:24We lock that door, lower our underpants a little,
00:26and make a baby.
00:31Make a baby?
00:33What are you talking about?
00:35Clearly the combination of our DNA is exceptional.
00:38Our child could be the next step in the evolution of mankind.
00:42We'll be able to get into any preschool we want.
00:46Sheldon, I'm not ready to have a baby.
00:48Oh, yes you are.
00:49I track your cycle.
00:52For the next 36 hours,
00:53you're as fertile as a manure-covered wheat field.
00:57Wow, I can actually feel the egg crawling its way back up.
01:09Hello?
01:11I'm looking for Howard Wolowitz.
01:14Howard Wolowitz?
01:17I have the right address, don't I?
01:20Address?
01:22Is he here?
01:24Is he here?
01:26Uh, no.
01:29Do you know where I can find him?
01:31May I ask what this is about?
01:33No, you may not.
01:35Very well.
01:41Have him call me.
01:43Okay.
01:44Raj, who's at the door?
01:49That's not him.
01:52Oh, good, you're here.
01:53Are you still fighting?
01:54If you get divorced, do I get two Christmases?
01:57We're not getting divorced.
01:59Listen, we realized that, uh,
02:02we're facing some new challenges as a married couple.
02:05Yeah, and there are a few things we need to stay on top of,
02:07so we thought it would be useful.
02:10I can't believe I am about to say this.
02:12Um...
02:13Would you please help us make a relationship agreement?
02:16Okay.
02:20But one that's tailored to us, okay?
02:22We don't need a bathroom schedule.
02:24Although a rule about him texting me from in there
02:26might help with the romance.
02:30What do you say?
02:32I get to write a contract?
02:33I say let's get this party of the first part started.
02:40Oh!
02:43You really think that's funny?
02:44It's in our agreement, I have to laugh.
02:46Oh, that's a nice one.
02:47Was it yours when you were little?
02:49My dad built it for me.
02:50Oh, it's so cute.
02:52This was the husband, this was the wife.
02:54They'd go out on adventures together.
02:56Cruises, skiing, horseback riding.
02:59That was really me just duct taping them to our dog.
03:03And did they have kids?
03:04They did.
03:05But the mommy and daddy didn't like them,
03:07so they shipped them off to an orphanage
03:08I made out of a shoebox.
03:12Yeah, that's not worrisome at all.
03:15Not every girl dreams about being a mom.
03:18Sometimes you think you're never gonna have kids,
03:20and one day you wake up and you're pregnant.
03:22And it doesn't matter that your career's going great right now
03:24and that you and your husband never even got to go anywhere
03:26taped to a dog.
03:31I skipped spin class for this.
03:33It's gonna be a while.
03:35Well, first deliveries can be slow.
03:37I'm trying to rethink the flash onesie I bought this kid.
03:42I found it, but it's empty.
03:43Well, it doesn't matter. We're not going to the hospital now.
03:45Are you sure? I'd really like to.
03:50Well, should we, uh...
03:52head back up?
03:54Come on, guys. We're all awake.
03:55Why don't we go to a diner or something?
03:57Oh, uh...
03:58I don't know, Sheldon.
03:59You don't want to do that, do you?
04:02It doesn't matter what I want.
04:03It's your birthday. You decide.
04:05Oh, my God! It's your birthday!
04:06Let's do something fun!
04:08Uh...
04:09What, we go to a bar?
04:10Well...
04:12Okay, I can breathe again.
04:13Babes, they want to have sex.
04:16Oh, of course!
04:17The annual birthday booty spectacular!
04:21That's a bit childish, isn't it?
04:22I'm sorry.
04:23And what flavor is your bubblegum cigar?
04:27Grape. I find it the most mild.
04:31All right. Well, you two go have fun.
04:37If we find my backup inhaler,
04:38maybe we can get frisky.
04:40Oh, you sexy, wheezy little man.
04:45I wonder if this is what it feels like
04:46to be Bernadette's baby.
04:51I don't know. Bernadette's baby doesn't have
04:53a jacuzzi jet hitting just the right spot.
04:59Those jets are for my secret spot, not his.
05:03What are you doing here?
05:05It's called relaxing,
05:07and that's all you need to know.
05:11Well, it's getting late.
05:14Maybe we should head home.
05:16Yeah, probably right.
05:21You coming?
05:22Yeah, just give me a minute.
05:24Why?
05:25Well, you know how you're wearing a bathing suit?
05:30Yeah?
05:31I kind of went the other way.
05:34You jackasses, you'd buy yourself a hot tub!
05:37You made God sad today, Mom.
05:41Oh, God.
05:47Sheldon, they haven't done anything wrong.
05:49I think it's nice they're hitting it off.
05:51That's not the reason to rush into anything.
05:53I mean, look at us.
05:54We took things remarkably slow.
05:56You and I, we didn't even hold hands for two years.
06:00It's a lot hotter than it sounds.
06:03You're a patient young lady.
06:05Hey, she's mine.
06:06Take a cold shower, Grandpa.
06:11There's a lot of traffic.
06:13Are we going to be okay?
06:14You'll be at the airport an hour before your flight.
06:16Good, thank you.
06:17Plenty of time for you to meet another geriatric boy toy.
06:22Hey, I will not have you be disrespectful to me.
06:25Yes, ma'am.
06:27Sheldon, your mother's an attractive woman.
06:29You need to get used to the fact that men are going to be interested in her.
06:32And you need to drive the car and mind your business.
06:36I will not have you be disrespectful to me.
06:38You're not my mother.
06:39Don't you be disrespectful to her.
06:41Yes, ma'am.
06:43You'll get there.
06:44You just got to put some zing on it.
06:48I'll make you a deal.
06:4930 years from now, if you're still single and things don't work out with me and Bernadette,
06:53you and I can give it a go.
06:56I appreciate the offer, but if things don't work out with you two,
06:59I'm swooping in on her like a vulture.
07:02Too late. Stewart called dibs.
07:05But, theoretically, if you and I were in a gay relationship,
07:10how would we tell people?
07:12Like, print up announcements?
07:14I don't know. What difference does it make?
07:16Well, I want to make sure we get invited to all the parades.
07:20Those do look fun.
07:21Yeah, well, if you want to march in a fishnet crop top, you better lay off that dip.
07:27You didn't want me to eat it. Why'd you put it out?
07:29It was for the girls. They broke up with me. I don't care if they get fat.
07:34I'm not going to get fat.
07:36You want to bet you never exercise?
07:39Fine. Look, I'll exercise right now.
07:42One.
07:47These are crunches, by the way.
07:49Very mature. Keep eating like that. You're going to have a heart attack.
07:52Okay. How about if I eat like this?
07:59You're such a child.
08:00Hey, is that any way to talk to your future husband?
08:03Hey, I was being hypothetical, okay? I would never marry you.
08:06Please. When you see the ring I pick out, you're going to melt.
08:08Yeah, right.
08:10Wait, is it rose gold? Actually, don't tell me. I want to be surprised.
08:13What if living together kills the romance?
08:17Okay, you guys had sex one whole time. Nothing can put out a fire like that.
08:24But what happens when we each get a peek behind the curtain?
08:26I mean, she's never even seen me unshaven.
08:30You just shaved yesterday. You're good for three months.
08:34Sheldon, I understand your apprehension, but let me appeal to the scientist in you.
08:38Given the five-week end date, isn't it the perfect opportunity to consider this an experiment and collect data on our compatibility?
08:45Don't try luring me in with sexy talk.
08:49Okay. Star Trek, the original series. The Enterprise was on a five-year mission to explore new worlds.
08:54Think of this as your personal five-week mission to do the same.
08:58If you want to lure me in with sexy talk, that's how you do it.
09:03Don't be proud of that.
09:07Welcome.
09:11What is this?
09:12Oh, well, you said you didn't have time to go out for dinner, so I thought we could have one right here.
09:17Oh, Rajesh.
09:18Oh, come on. We're in the telescope room. It'll be like dining under the stars.
09:23You see this double zero? When it says zero one, that means it's twinkling.
09:34Sometimes it takes a while.
09:38Rajesh, this is so sweet, but you know I'm working.
09:41That's why I already cleaned up in here and all the other rooms in the hall.
09:48Well, I suppose that gives me a little time.
09:50Oh, please sit. I tried to cook you a meal from your homeland.
09:55Oh, really? You made Cuban food?
10:00That depends. Do they have Mexican food in Cuba?
10:03We'll get the crib out and you can take it for a test drive.
10:05I'm telling you, this van is going to be...
10:11Oh, is it your back?
10:12Yeah.
10:15Anyway, let's just get in and see if the GPS can take us to the nearest emergency room.
10:25What was I thinking?
10:27Wallowitches are not unlifting people. We tipped the lifting people.
10:34Do we really have to sit for hours in the emergency room?
10:37They're just going to give you ice and Advil like last time.
10:39You're going to feel terrible when I'm in a wheelchair.
10:44Which, by the way, would fit easily in the back of this award-winning minivan.
10:49Fine, we'll go to the ER. Just stop selling me on the van.
10:52You're right. It sells itself.
10:56You have to admit, it's a pretty smooth ride.
10:58I was hoping it'd be quieter.
11:01If childbirth is half this bad, you are so screwed!
11:04Hello?
11:05Hey. So, we've been talking and if you need a place to stay, we'd be happy to fix up the garage for you.
11:13That would be amazing! I was literally just looking at my moving boxes, trying to pick one to live in.
11:21I know it's not ideal, but you'd have plenty of space for your furniture.
11:24And there's this cool button that makes an entire wall go up and down.
11:29I cannot thank you enough.
11:31It is our pleasure.
11:33Hey, can you hold on one sec?
11:35Hello?
11:36Hey, buddy. You still looking for a place to live?
11:39Uh, yeah. Why do you ask?
11:42You know, we have the extra bedroom and if you need it, it's yours.
11:46Oh my God, that's so generous!
11:48It's the least we can do.
11:50I really appreciate it. Can you hold on one second?
11:53Hey, so how, what's the bathroom situation going to be?
11:57Well, there's a sink out there that takes care of half your problems.
12:03But I can use the downstairs bathroom, right?
12:05Yeah. We barely use it, so it'll be like it's yours.
12:09Cool, cool. Yeah, hold on one second.
12:13Hey, what's it like sharing a bathroom with Penny?
12:16Is there hair everywhere? Does she use your loofah?
12:19I don't have a loofah.
12:20Okay, well, if I move in, you can't use mine. Hold on a second.
12:25Hey, Howard, how's the Wi-Fi in the garage?
12:29I don't know. Why are you asking all these questions?
12:32Well, to be honest, Leonard's on the other line and he offered me the spare bedroom.
12:36Great! Go live there!
12:38But you made the garage sound so fun!
12:41Yeah, I just didn't want you to feel bad about it.
12:43Unless Leonard's apartment also has a roof.
12:46Yeah, I just didn't want you to feel bad about it.
12:48Unless Leonard's apartment also has a raccoon that chews its way in on cold nights.
12:51Go there!
12:54One second. Okay, I think we're close.
12:58How do you feel about a mini-fridge in my room?
13:01Hey, pal, you want to live here or not?
13:03Oh, hi, Penny. Yes, please.
13:15you