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FunTranscript
00:00So I heard your relationship with Penny crashed to the ground like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory
00:06Where'd you hear that? Actually, I read it wallow. It's texted me
00:11Like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory. Yep. I thought it was a pretty good one. I gave him an lol. Hmm
00:19Anyway, it got me thinking now that you're unattached. Maybe we can revisit our previous attachment. Are you suggesting another bout of stress release?
00:28No, I'm all done with casual sex from now on I'm fully committed to the traditional relationship paradigm really what changed
00:35It's hard to say
00:36I guess it was just a time in every woman's life when she gets tired of waking up on a strange futon with a bunch
00:40Of people she doesn't know
00:42Yeah, I can see how that would a bunch of people
00:46Anyway, I just figure it's time to slow things down and who better to slow things down with than you
00:52I'm flattered
00:55So, how do you suggest we proceed your place will order Chinese you'll run a movie artsy but accessible then light petting no coitus
01:06Sounds fun. I'll leave the details up to you. I think it's better if you assume the male role
01:14Thank you, that's very thoughtful great call me
01:25When the two of you reach a natural stopping point, I'd like to have a word if the word is peepee just do it
01:38Leonard you're my friend and
01:40Friends support their friends apparently, so I'm withdrawing my objection to your desire to have a relationship with Leslie
01:48Thank you
01:49I will graciously overlook the fact that she is an arrogant subpar scientist who actually believes loop quantum gravity better unites quantum
01:57mechanics with general relativity than does string theory
02:01You kids have fun
02:03Hang on a second
02:05Loop quantum gravity clearly offers more testable predictions than string theory. I'm listening amuse me
02:13Okay, well for one thing we expect quantized space-time to manifest itself as minute differences in the speed of light for different colors
02:20Balderdash matter clearly consists of tiny strings
02:25Are you gonna let him talk to me like that?
02:32Okay, well there's a lot of merit to both theories no there isn't only loop quantum gravity calculates the entropy of black holes
02:42Sheldon don't make that noise. It's disrespectful. I should hope so it was a snort of derision
02:49You agree with me right loop quantum gravity is the future of physics
02:53Sorry, Leslie. I guess I prefer my space stringy not loopy
02:58I'm glad I found out the truth about you before this one any further
03:02What truth we're talking about untested hypothesis, it's no big deal. Oh, it isn't really tell me Leonard. How will we raise the children?
03:13I
03:14Guess we wait until they're old enough and let them choose their own theory
03:18You can't let them choose what are their children?
03:22Wait, where are you going?
03:25I'm sorry, I could have accepted our kids being genetically unable to eat ice cream or ever get a good view of a parade
03:34But this this is a deal-breaker
03:48Look on the bright side
03:53What's the bright side only nine more months to comic-con
03:59Oh, yeah
04:00Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter Axel's fortress. Now. This is a long run
04:07So let's do another bladder check
04:11All right, Barry we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor
04:17Oh
04:20Shell door is afk
04:27Benny are you experiencing some sort of difficulty? Yes
04:32You appear to have put your car key in the door lock, are you aware of that?
04:37Yeah, all right then
04:40Would it be possible for you to do this a little more quietly
04:44Get the damn key out
04:47It's not surprising that Baldwin lock on your door uses traditional edge mounted cylinders
04:51Where is the key for your Volkswagen uses a center cylinder system?
04:58Thank You Sheldon
05:00You're welcome
05:02Point of inquiry. Why did you put your car key in the door lock?
05:06Point of inquiry. Why did you put your car key in the door lock? Why I'll tell you why because today I had an audition
05:12It took me two hours to get there
05:14I waited an hour for my turn and before I could even start they told me I look to Midwest for the park to Midwest
05:19What the hell does that even mean? Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic
05:26They have a characteristic face
05:28You
05:31Know I have been in LA for almost two years now and I haven't got a single acting job
05:35I've accomplished nothing haven't gotten a raise at work
05:38I haven't even had sex in six months and just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I
05:43ate it
05:46Well, actually insects are a dietary staple in many cultures they're almost pure protein
05:52I
05:54Believe the condensation on your frozen foods weaken the structural integrity of the bag
06:03But returning to your key conundrum
06:05Perhaps you should call a locksmith and have him open the door for you
06:08I did he said he'll get here when he gets here and you're frustrated because he phrased his reply in the form of a meaningless
06:14tautology
06:16I am frustrated because I am a failure at everything and my breath smells like
06:25They're there
06:35Would you prefer to wait in our apartment no Sheldon, I'd rather sit on this freezing cold floor sobbing like a three-year-old
06:42All right, then
06:49Just when I think I've gotten the hang of sarcasm
06:52See Raj was the Kung Pao chicken. I'm the dumplings. Yes, you are
06:59Creepy Howard
07:01creepy good or creepy bad
07:04Who was the shrimp with lobster sauce that would be me come to Papa you unkoshered delight
07:11I'm not necessarily talking to the food
07:19Sit over there
07:21I
07:44Had to sanitize my hands because the university replaced the paper towels in the restrooms with hot air blowers
07:50Oh, I thought the blowers were more sanitary
07:54Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilence
07:59Frankly be more hygienic if they just had a plague infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry
08:04Hey guys, I just got the most amazing
08:10Gosh Ross, do you think you'll ever be able to talk in front of me without being drunk?
08:14Okay
08:16Well, I'll just go eat by myself honey, you don't have to do that. Oh, it's okay between him not talking him talking and him
08:26I'm better off alone. So goodbye. You poor strange little man
08:36She's so considerate
08:38So, what's your news remember that little planetary object I spotted beyond the Kuiper belt
08:42Oh, yeah, two zero zero eight and two sub-seventeen or as I called it planet Bollywood
08:48Anyway because of my discovery people magazine is naming me one of the 30 under 30 to watch
08:54Congratulations
08:56Excuse me with 30 what under 30 what to watch what?
09:0230 visionaries under 30 years of age to watch as they challenge the preconceptions of the fields
09:08I had a million guesses. I never would have gotten that
09:12It's pretty cool
09:13They've got me in with a guy who's doing something about hunger in Indonesia and a psychotherapist who's using dolphins to rehabilitate prisoners and Ellen
09:20Page star of the charming independent film, you know
09:24All right, so do her
09:28You'd do the dolphins
09:31Do I get an honorable mention for designing the telescope camera mounting bracket you used sorry
09:36it's not part of my heartwarming and personal narrative in which a
09:39Humble boy from New Delhi overcame poverty and prejudice and journey to America to reach for the stars
09:46Poverty your father's a gynecologist. He drives a Bentley
09:50It's a lease
09:55I'm confused
09:56Is there some sort of peer review committee to determine which scientists would be included pure of you?
10:02It's people magazine people picked me
10:05What people but the people from people
10:10Exactly, who are these people? You know, what are their credentials? How are they qualified?
10:14What makes accidentally noticing a hunk of rock that's been traipsing around the solar system for billions of years more?
10:20Noteworthy than any other scientific accomplishment made by someone under 30
10:25Boy, I bet Ellen pages fans on giving her this kind of crap
10:29You
10:34Proud of yourself in general. Yes. I
10:39Don't see why I need a driver's license Albert Einstein never had a driver's license
10:45Yeah, but Albert Einstein didn't make me wet myself at 40 miles an hour
10:51Yeah, and I never wanted to kick Albert Einstein in the nuts
10:53You
10:58Know I gotta ask why don't you just get a license at 16 like everybody else I was otherwise engaged
11:05Doing what
11:07examining perturbative amplitudes in n equals 4 supersymmetric theories leading to a
11:11Re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of multi-loop n equals 8 supergravity using modern twist or theory
11:20Well, how about when you were 17
11:24Take this to the testing area put your name at the top sign the bottom answer the question bring it back next
11:36Application I'm actually more of a theorist
11:42The application in your hand give it to her Oh
11:45Oh
11:50Take this to the testing area put your name at the top sign the bottom answer the question bring it back next
11:55Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions
11:59Look at that sign up there. Yes. Does it say I give a damn?
12:07No, that's because I don't
12:10Just look see this first question makes no sense
12:13Look, how many car lengths should you leave in front of you when driving? There's no possible way to answer that
12:19The car length is not a standardized unit of measure
12:24Look at the sign
12:26Sheldon it's C. Just put down C. I don't need your help penny. Listen to that little girl, honey put C
12:33This next question Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV?
12:38How else are they going to learn
12:44Question two when our roadways most slippery now, okay
12:48There are three answers none of which are correct
12:50the correct answer is when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road to
12:56Essentially zero but not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction
13:04Here's your learner's permit go away
13:08But I'm not done I I have many additional concerns about these questions don't make me climb over this camera
13:17Next
13:19aced it
13:21Congratulations before your Facebook status update Leonard Hofstadter is in a relationship
13:27What no, no, that's not right. Oh, man. Did you switch your status before she did?
13:34Speaking as an expert way to look needy
13:39Seriously you went first after only two weeks
13:42That's old
13:44It's not bold. It's a mistake. I didn't change my status. Well, then who did I?
13:54Had no choice he cried in front of her
13:57You hacked my Facebook account, oh, it's hardly hacking when you use the same password for everything Kal. L
14:07Are you insane now? She's gonna think I'm desperate you've destroyed this relationship
14:13And you don't know the worst part is you don't even
14:16Understand what you did wrong because you can't conceive of something that you are not an expert in
14:21In which I am not don't even
14:27Don't want to hear another word out of you
14:33What's wrong Lassie Timmy fall down the well, oh
14:39Wow, she just updated her Facebook status Stephanie Barnett is in a relationship with Leonard Hofstadter
14:48Really
14:52Look at that. I have a girlfriend
14:57If I'm permitted to speak again, dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win
15:02You try too hard
15:06Look at me
15:08What chance do I have if I don't try too hard?
15:13Well, you'd have a terrific chance
15:16I mean you're smart. You're funny. You have a cool job. You build stuff that goes into outer space. I
15:21Guess no look. I'm telling you. I've known you for like a year and a half and this is the first time
15:26I feel like I'm talking to a real person
15:29And you know what? I like him. He's a nice guy
15:34You really think so yes, I don't know
15:56This is an auspicious moment you like Robert Oppenheimer or Neil Armstrong
16:01We need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event
16:06How about die toaster die
16:10That'll do it
16:27All
16:34Right, what's next? No, I think I'm just gonna stay in tonight and do laundry
16:43Stu the cockatoo is new at the zoo
16:48Author Sarah Carpenter lives in Fort Wayne, Indiana
16:52With her husband and best friend mark and their cockatoos, too
16:59Probably makes her an expert in making friends. Wouldn't you agree? I don't like birds. They scare me. She me too
17:08Most people don't see it
17:13What are you reading curious George, oh I do like monkeys curious George's monkey
17:20Somewhat anthropomorphize, but yes
17:24Say
17:26Maybe sometime you and I could go see monkeys together. Would you like that? Okay
17:31Sheldon what are you doing?
17:33I'm making friends with this little girl. What's your name? Rebecca? Hi, Rebecca. I'm your new friend Sheldon Diana. Let's go
17:42We're really hitting it all don't look up those cameras. Oh
17:45Oh
17:47Boy
17:50What I can't comment without violating our agreement that I not criticize your work
17:57Then what was oh boy great restraint on my part
18:02Nothing wrong with the science here, perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say science
18:16Okay, how's that you actually had it right in the first place
18:21Once again, you've fallen for one of my classic pranks
18:26Bazinga
18:32Well now here's a peculiar email
18:34The president of the University wants me to meet him at his office tomorrow morning at 8 a.m
18:39Why doesn't say must be an emergency?
18:42Everyone at the University knows I eat breakfast today and move my bowels at 820
18:48Yes, how did we live before Twitter I
18:53Guess you'll find out what it is in the morning
18:56That's 14 hours away for the next eight hundred and forty minutes. I'm effectively one of Heisenberg's particles
19:02I know where I am. I know how fast I'm going, but I can't know both
19:06How am I supposed to carry on with this huge annoying thing hovering over my head?
19:10Yeah, I know the feeling you begin with you will remove funny bone for $200
19:19For this I went to MIT and begin I
19:29Think I swallowed something I can't press any of the buttons of my gloves
19:40Expected continue. Oh boy. Am I gonna get sued?
19:48Gentlemen use your imagination innovate did Han Solo let Luke Skywalker freeze to death on the ice planet of Hoth
19:56No, he cut open a tauntaun and use its internal body heat to warm him up
20:01You heard the man hold him down and I'll cut him open
20:05I don't possess the tools of leadership, but I don't understand why we can't assemble the equipment inside the hut and then take it outside. I
20:14Hadn't thought of that I
20:18Guess we're done here
20:31You