Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 6 Convention
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00:00Hey, is his stick bigger than my stick?
00:05I don't know, they're just sticks.
00:08Yeah, but why does he get the better stick?
00:15I always get the crappy sticks.
00:18Why is everything in mine so lame?
00:22I've never met anything nice!
00:24My life sucks!
00:27Give me that.
00:36Sometimes things just have a way of working out.
00:40Yes, no, maybe.
00:44I don't know.
00:47Can you repeat the question?
00:51You're not the boss of me now.
00:53You're not the boss of me now.
00:56You're not the boss of me now.
00:58And you're not so big.
01:01You're not the boss of me now.
01:03You're not the boss of me now.
01:05You're not the boss of me now.
01:08You're not the boss of me now.
01:10And you're not so big.
01:14You're not the boss of me now.
01:16I don't see why we need a babysitter.
01:31Yeah, Dad's convention is only for two days.
01:34How can you not trust us?
01:37Well, it's still not there.
01:41I trust you to be on your own.
01:43Babysitter's not going to be here for two hours.
01:47Don't do anything.
01:55Honey, let's roll.
01:57The meet and greet's at 6.30 and I don't want to be late.
02:08Bye-bye.
02:11See what happens?
02:12We told her we didn't want a babysitter.
02:15And she didn't listen.
02:16Now someone innocent has to suffer.
02:18What's that?
02:35It's the cesspool.
02:37We have a pool?
02:38It's the sewage from the house.
02:40It flows into this pit and is decomposed by anaerobic bacteria.
02:44Hurry up.
02:45It stinks.
02:54Nice.
02:54Come on.
02:57She's going to be here any second.
02:59Sorry.
03:00I had to put the lemonade in the refrigerator.
03:02I had to put the lemonade in the refrigerator.
03:02Maybe we scared her off.
03:28Let's get her on.
03:36I'm sorry.
03:37Let's go.
03:38Move.
03:38Yeah.
03:39Yeah.
03:40Yeah.
03:40Yeah.
03:42Yeah.
03:42Yeah.
03:42Yeah.
03:44Everything is beautiful.
03:48You're my sunshine.
03:51Running through my mind.
03:53Yeah.
03:54Yeah.
03:55Yeah.
03:56Hi, guys. I'm Patti.
04:05I'm your babysitter.
04:09Uh, will you excuse us for a second?
04:26Gee, I sure hope Barb and Tom can make it this year. They are such a fun couple.
04:39Well, I'm sure Jack Keneally will be there.
04:43Oh, honey, why don't you just say something to him instead of stewing about it?
04:47I mean, talking to me is not going to solve anything, and it's obviously just eating away at you.
04:52I'm over that.
04:54No, you are not.
04:56That's all you ever talk about whenever we go to this thing.
04:59How Keneally stole your idea to improve efficiency by 4% on the R8-698.
05:05Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Honey, you're obsessed.
05:09I am not obsessed.
05:13I just hate that smug look that he always gives me.
05:18And those beady little eyes.
05:20So, I ever tell you the story about how he finagled his parking spot?
05:27Yeah, about a thousand times, but it doesn't matter because I'm sure you're going to tell me again.
05:31Okay, first he was assigned a space in C-Lot, all right?
05:35But that wasn't good enough for him. Not for Keneally, no.
05:39So, what do you guys want for a snack?
05:41Excuse me?
05:45Well, I can make you popcorn or bake us some chocolate chip cookies.
05:49But Mom says nothing doesn't work.
05:52You guys are just so cute!
05:54Hello?
06:01Malcolm, how's it going? Listen, I need you to do me a favor.
06:04There's two or three hundred fake IDs hidden behind the washing machine.
06:08Now, with Mom gone, it's safe to transfer them to the garage.
06:11Uh, Francis, I really can't do that right now.
06:14What? What are you talking about?
06:16Francis? Is that Francis?
06:19Tell him it's Patty Henderson from 8th Grade Algebra.
06:22Patty Henderson says hi.
06:24Oh, my God! Patty Henderson is your babysitter?
06:28Here, let me talk to him.
06:29Don't let her!
06:30Hi!
06:32Hi, Patty.
06:34Can't believe I'm talking to you.
06:36You probably don't even remember me.
06:42Hi, Francis.
06:43Hi, Patty.
06:49Yeah, of course I remember you. How's it?
06:51What's that, Joe? You gotta use the phone?
06:53I'm sorry, Patty. I gotta go. Bye.
06:59Francis is so great.
07:01He was the only boy who was ever nice to me.
07:07Come on, guys. She's not that fat.
07:10What a sweetheart.
07:13He's so cute.
07:16Yeah.
07:17I'm a lot like him.
07:20I'll tell you what.
07:21Before dinner, why don't we all straighten up the house together?
07:24Good idea.
07:25Great.
07:26All right.
07:37All right.
07:38All right.
07:39All right.
07:39Look! I think they're giving away free beach towels at the QVHL PPS booth.
07:56Yoo-hoo!
07:57Hey, there's Barbara and Tom.
08:02There's Keneally.
08:04Oh, for God's sake!
08:05Al, you've got to get over this. Just go over there and talk to him.
08:11Just clear the air.
08:17Okay, okay, going.
08:220.04, basically.
08:26But efficiency has been...
08:28What do you do when you've got an incredible woman in your bedroom?
08:51Enchanté.
08:58It's the best I could come up with, given the parameters.
09:02Well, it's great meeting you guys. Would you like anything?
09:09They're fine.
09:10Okay. Well, have fun.
09:12She's a trophy babysitter.
09:19Tuck me...
09:21in.
09:23I wonder if she knows how to keep kosher.
09:27What is wrong with you?
09:30How can you do this?
09:31What are you talking about?
09:33You invite them over here to gawk at Patty like she's some piece of meat?
09:38Mom and Dad paid good money for her. She's ours.
09:43We're leaving.
09:44He's not going to do anything with her in the house.
09:48Wow.
09:49She's like Kryptonite.
09:51So, this is Reese's blankie.
09:56It's darling.
09:58I guess suddenly there's no such thing as tomorrow.
10:02All I have are singles.
10:03I always felt so sorry for Patty.
10:09She had this wild crush on me.
10:13She used to follow me around, waddling.
10:17Her big arms, jiggling.
10:20I mean, she was nice.
10:21I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
10:23But what are you supposed to do
10:25when somebody really gross thinks you're cute?
10:27You really got a couple of good shots in.
10:32I'm just embarrassed about the whole thing.
10:34Hey, he stole your idea.
10:38How often do you come up with an idea to increase efficiency by 4%?
10:42At least you made him scream like a girl.
10:44No, that was me.
10:47I don't know what got into hell.
10:49I've never seen him act that way before.
10:50At least not without any provocation.
10:54Or with witnesses.
10:55Men are animals.
10:59Or so I am told.
11:02Are you drunk already?
11:04I'm not wasting any time.
11:05I gotta get back to the kids in 24 hours.
11:11Oh, Lord, what an idiot I am.
11:14I mean, these are people I work with.
11:16They're gonna think I'm a lunatic.
11:17I should apologize to Keneally.
11:24Did you know that you can audition male strippers
11:27and you don't even have to hire them?
11:29They're not that bright.
11:31No, I was just getting t-shirts for the boys, but...
11:34Oh, for God's sake, Tom, do something.
11:54I'll refill your drink.
11:56Okay.
11:56What?
12:14What are you doing?
12:16What are you doing?
12:22Here you go.
12:26Hungry?
12:34I don't know what I am.
12:37Dewey!
12:38Come on, guys, eat.
12:44These potatoes are heavenly.
12:47So, yesterday, in my gifted class...
12:53I'm not bragging that I'm gifted.
12:55That's just what they call the class.
12:56We studied bovine spongy pharma cephalitis.
13:00It's a mad cow disease.
13:01It started because they were grinding up dead cows
13:04to feed them to the other cows.
13:07Basically, the prions turned their brains into soup
13:10right in their skulls.
13:11It's very similar to a disease
13:14that afflicted a tribe of cannibals
13:16because they feasted on their victims' brains.
13:27Hey, Patty, I have a trick for you.
13:30What's your eye dress?
13:31Um, 531 North Canton.
13:34What's your favorite color?
13:35I don't know.
13:36Blue, I guess.
13:37Mine, too.
13:38I can dance.
13:59Let me show you.
14:01Okay.
14:02Okay.
14:02Boopie, boopie, boopie, boopie.
14:23This is just embarrassing.
14:26Boopie, boopie, boopie, boopie.
14:30Oh, my God, you little angel.
14:33That is the cutest thing.
14:39Why are we doing the dishes anyways?
14:45I don't know. Just shut up.
15:00All right.
15:04Oh, I'll get it.
15:09It keeps going under the bed.
15:11Oh, there it is.
15:13Here, let me just wiggle it a little more.
15:16Oh, my God, I just pushed it even farther.
15:19Oh, got it. Oh, wait, what's this?
15:30Okay, now you're all squeaky clean.
15:44Now go put on your pajamas.
15:52Hi, guys.
15:54All right, drop the cute stuff.
15:56What cute stuff?
15:58You, staying there with your big eyes and your dopey voice.
16:02I have to resist hugging you myself.
16:05I'm not doing anything.
16:07Yeah? Then what's that?
16:10Nothing.
16:14You were going to make her a card?
16:17No.
16:19You like glitter, Dewey?
16:26Dewey?
16:28This is the way he is.
16:31He's a walking disaster area.
16:35Guess who needs another bath?
16:38Come on, you.
16:39Now, not so much ice this time.
16:51I'm not cold.
16:55Hey, why don't you pay for dinner since we got parking?
17:00Are you taking advantage of me because I'm drunk?
17:02Yeah.
17:02I wish he would.
17:05I wish he would.
17:07Okay.
17:07I hope you're proud of yourself.
17:12I can't help it.
17:13I don't know what it is.
17:15It's like that guy gives off some kind of scent.
17:18The hair on the back of my neck stands up, and I want to tear him apart.
17:21I would never have the courage to do what Hal did.
17:23Oh, sure, occasionally I'll yell at someone.
17:27It's always with the car window rolled up.
17:28Can I just say thank you?
17:32Tom, don't encourage him.
17:35I'm just saying I'd do what Hal did if I could.
17:37But you can't because you're a coward.
17:40That's my point.
17:41And I've got Mr. Sorenson for math.
17:46Do you think that guy ever changed his pants?
17:48Because I don't think so.
17:49Really?
17:50Listen to me rambling on and on.
17:52I have completely lost track of time.
17:55Uh, this call?
17:56About 97 minutes.
17:57It's been so great talking to you.
18:00Yeah, yeah, you too.
18:02You were always so nice to me.
18:05Oh, well, you deserve it.
18:07You know, you're a nice person.
18:09I'm wearing one of your shirts.
18:12I was going to sleep in it tonight.
18:15I hope you don't mind.
18:17No, no.
18:21Anyway, um, I don't know quite how to say this,
18:25so I'm just going to say it.
18:27I think you're really special.
18:31And, um, well, I heard you were going to be home
18:34in a couple of weeks, and, well,
18:36my parents were going to be out of town,
18:38and I thought maybe you could come over
18:41and we could, you know.
18:46Listen, Patty, I have to say this,
18:48and I am sorry, but I don't want to lead you on.
18:52I am so not physically attracted to you.
18:59Like, at all.
19:00I think of you as a friend.
19:04Uh-huh.
19:06Oh, Patty, see, now I hurt your feelings.
19:10I know this may be really hard for you to believe,
19:12but there is someone out there
19:14who will find you physically attractive,
19:17and you'll find him, and when you do...
19:19Look, I get it, Francis.
19:21Okay, someone's out there for me,
19:23and it's not you.
19:25That's the spirit?
19:31You had to do it, man.
19:34It's tough when you're their one-shot at happiness.
19:38This is going to send you straight to the fridge.
19:43Hey, Patty, want to play video hockey?
19:46Um, not right now.
19:47Hey, where are you going?
19:54To find out what's wrong and make her feel better.
19:57No, I'll go find out what's wrong and make her feel better.
20:00You'll just make her more upset.
20:02I happen to be sensitive.
20:04You're stupid and a creep.
20:06I'll kick your ass.
20:10Say I can make her feel better.
20:12No!
20:12You're so sweet.
20:29He's cute.
20:32I hate him for being cute.
20:39I don't feel so good.
20:41Maybe it was the oysters.
20:45Uh-huh.
20:46Hal, do you have the...
20:48Where's Hal?
20:51I used to have a Rottweiler like this.
20:58Excuse me.
20:59Excuse me.
21:00I can't believe she's slipping in the bed right down the hall.
21:27I can't sleep.
21:28He's not that cute.
21:43What's the matter?
21:45I'm scared.
21:47I had a nightmare.
21:49Oh, you poor baby.
21:52Want to sleep with me?
21:53Okay, come on.
22:00All right.
22:00All right.
22:00I don't believe it.
22:13I'm supposed to be the genius.
22:15And I'm being outsmarted by a kid who can't even tie his own shoes.
22:19We can't let him get away with this.
22:22We're taking him down.
22:24Would you stop this, please?
22:30You are humiliating me in front of my friend.
22:35I'm okay.
22:37You are both middle-aged men.
22:41You are too old and too weak to accomplish anything here.
22:45It's so late.
22:47Something's fabbed.
22:49I am way past the point of no return.
22:51We're talking primal animal urges.
22:54I'm going to let nature take its course.
22:57And kill him.
22:58In 30 seconds, I am going to instruct these men to let you go.
23:10Thank you, Lord.
23:13And then you will have a choice.
23:16You can indulge your primal urges with him.
23:19Yeah.
23:20Or you can come back to the motel and indulge your primal urges with me.
23:28Don't trivialize my anger, Lois.
23:47I think there are some things that you just don't try to talk people out of.
23:58I have a legitimate situation here.
24:02I know, baby.
24:03I know, baby.
24:03I know, baby.
24:10Oh.
24:12Oh, my God.
24:26Hey!
24:27Whoa!
24:28Shut up!
24:42It's working.
24:56Okay, I'll hold him.
24:58You put the tape over his mouth.
25:00Then we'll take him to the garage.
25:03Where did he go?
25:06There he is.
25:09Come to Papa.
25:11He locked us out.
25:22Dewey, come to bed.
25:25Okay.
25:31Great.
25:33What are we supposed to do now?
25:36Oh, my God.
25:45What is this stuff?
25:47Well, at least tonight was in the turtle loss.
25:50Oh, jeez.
25:51Oh, what is that?
25:52Oh, jeez.
25:53Oh, what is that?
25:54Oh.
25:55Oh, yeah.
25:56Follow me.
25:57Bye-bye.
25:58All the time.
26:00Bye.
26:01What a girl.
26:03Oh, yeah.
26:05This one is dead.
26:06I'm not sure you're not dead.
26:07Go.
26:08Bye.
26:09Yeah, I'm not sure you're dead.
26:10See you in the middle.
26:12I'm not sure you're dead.
26:13You're dead.
26:14See you soon.
26:15I'm not sure you're dead.
26:16I'm not sure you're dead.
26:17I'm not sure you're dead.
26:18No.
26:19I'm not sure you're dead.