Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 14 Hal Quits
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00:00I got a rock and a half a stick of gum.
00:06Malcolm, freeze!
00:30You're not the boss of me now.
00:33You're not the boss of me now.
00:36You're not the boss of me now.
00:38And you're not so big.
00:43Life is unfair.
00:50Watch this, Francis. I can make milk come out of either nostril.
00:55He's gotten pretty good at this.
00:57It's sad, but I'm actually kind of jealous.
01:00Reese, anything coming out of your nose is going right back in your mouth.
01:05This corner of my waffle's still frozen.
01:08Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
01:09I had to put Francis' waffle on top, and that toaster oven just isn't big enough.
01:15It's your fault my waffle's frozen.
01:21Sorry.
01:23Francis, you better get moving.
01:24You don't want to be late for your first day of inventory.
01:27Oh, yeah, Mom. Thanks again for getting me that job.
01:30Some of the guys are spending their spring break river rafting.
01:33You wouldn't believe how jealous they were when they heard I was going to be counting shampoo bottles at the Lucky Aid.
01:39Sorry, Francis, but it's the perfect fit.
01:42We needed people, and you have no choice.
01:44Hi! Look at the sexy professor!
01:48Dad, you're bringing all that junk to Dewey's class?
01:51Yes, I am, Malcolm. This is my first career day. I want to make sure I dazzle him.
01:56I want Dewey to be proud of his old man.
02:00One out of four wouldn't be so bad.
02:02Dad, they're six years old.
02:03Which is why we have to keep things moving.
02:05Now, remember, we'll start with a pie chart, then move to earnings index.
02:09Do I have to do this?
02:11Relax, Malcolm. Your teacher said it's fine.
02:13You'll just make up what you miss after school.
02:16You know, I am really looking forward to this.
02:18I think this is going to be a lot of fun.
02:23Well, no, that's not all I do.
02:27There are some, you know, important and very interesting.
02:36Could you repeat the question?
02:39Your job sounds awful.
02:41Well, of course it's awful. It's a job.
02:44He's tanking. He's way past tanking.
02:50See, you kids have to realize that all jobs are awful.
02:55And there's nothing that you can do about that.
02:58I mean, they're tedious and boring.
03:02Being a fireman isn't boring.
03:05True, but you have to take into consideration the high mortality rate.
03:09It's real easy to get killed in a fire.
03:11My daddy's a fireman.
03:14Pete's daddy's going to die.
03:16Oh, and I'm sure he's probably going to be fine.
03:18Me too.
03:20So the only reason you like your job is because you won't get killed in a fire?
03:25Yes.
03:27Well, actually, you see, I work on a very high floor, so that's not necessarily true.
03:33Any other questions?
03:37If your job is so boring and you don't like it, why do you do it?
03:44You quit your job?
03:46Lois, please, give me a little more credit than that. No.
03:49I asked for a leave of absence because of a kidney malfunction.
03:52Nice. Drastic, but vague enough to discourage any follow-up questions. Way to go.
04:00You're doing this because of what a seven-year-old said?
04:03It was horrible. He made dad cry.
04:06This kid was ruthless, but fair.
04:09His dad did a puppet show.
04:11I'll tell you, boys, life is crazy.
04:15One day you're in community college, driving a Camaro T-top, cock of the walk,
04:19and then you need some cash, so you get a job.
04:22You think it's only temporary, but then you get a promotion, and then a raise.
04:27And all these doors open up for you, except they're not really doors.
04:31They're trap doors.
04:33And then all of a sudden, bam, 20 years has zipped by, and you're thinking,
04:37Is this all I have to my life?
04:42Not you, kids. I love you kids, but come out of the house. It's crap!
04:47Boys, I want to talk to your father alone.
04:49So? You've got a bedroom. We're eating.
04:53Just kidding. We're leaving.
05:00Hell, is this a midlife crisis?
05:04I don't know what it is. I just know that I had to do something.
05:09And what is it exactly you plan on doing?
05:13I have always talked about doing the thing that has been in my head for years.
05:18The painting?
05:19Yes! I can see it so clearly.
05:22Every line, every streak, every daub.
05:25The blazing crimson flushes, the vivid blue tones.
05:29The almost subliminal tinges of tangerine. Yes, Hal, I have heard this before, but...
05:35Lois, I gotta get this out of my head.
05:38You know how crazy this is?
05:40Yeah.
05:41You're gonna save the painting until retirement, when it's okay to be insane.
05:45Hal, I was really looking forward to that old painter guy puttering around the house with a little spot of paint on his cheek.
05:51I'm sorry, baby. I just, I just can't wait anymore.
05:56Maybe I can be the old gardener guy.
06:02Okay.
06:03Yes? Really? Yes?
06:05This is important to you.
06:06And up until about five minutes ago, you were a very good husband and father.
06:10You deserve this.
06:13You deserve something really great.
06:17I really wish I could buy it for you, but I'm gonna be digging pretty deep into the savings for art supplies.
06:25Congratulations, people. You have all passed the rigorous Lucky 8 inventory screening process.
06:34You should be proud. This is a great crew.
06:39Done a few trust games, some stretches. Now we are ready for Beth.
06:44As I already explained, corporate has us pitted against the downtown store.
06:49First one to finish inventory, it's a plaque and a hundred...
06:53A plaque.
06:55Look.
06:56Yes, a question.
06:57Yes, which household product will kill me fastest?
07:00We're gonna start you off counting the cotton swaps.
07:04Bleach.
07:05Or oven cleaner.
07:07Or rack grenade.
07:08Rack grenade's good.
07:12It's weird.
07:13All my life, Dad's been getting up every morning and dragging himself to a job that he despised with every fiber of his being.
07:21I can't believe I never noticed.
07:22I guess I've been pretty self-centered.
07:28Oh, my God. What if that happens to me?
07:32Two quarts of amber varnish, number two camel hair brush, or maybe a Kalinsky sable.
07:39Camel hair brush, Kalinsky sable. How do you know about all this stuff? You never painted anything in your life.
07:46I have been painting this for 15 years, Laos. Up here.
07:54Oh, hi, honey.
07:55Do you people have any idea what this kind of mindless labor does to a person?
08:01It kills your soul.
08:04It turns your mind into jelly, and it crushes your spirit to dust.
08:09Oh, Craig called. He wants you there tomorrow at 7 instead of 8.
08:12Oh, and can you keep it down when you get up in the morning? I'm sleeping in.
08:17No.
08:38So, Malcolm, word on the street is your father wigged out at work.
08:46What?
08:47Did he really set his desk on fire and dance around it?
08:50I heard it was a lover's world with a cleaning room.
08:53That's crazy.
08:55Where are you guys hearing all this stuff?
09:00My dad's fine.
09:01He's just taking some time off from work because he hates his job.
09:05You know, it's actually kind of got me thinking.
09:09What am I going to do when I grow up?
09:11You mean you don't have a plan in place?
09:15No.
09:16That's okay, Malcolm.
09:19I mean, it's not too...
09:23Excuse me.
09:24Allergies.
09:26You guys already have your careers planned?
09:29You don't just lock into running a particle accelerator, you know.
09:32With my intelligence and tokenism, the sky's the limit.
09:43Okay.
10:11How many is that?
10:11Open the cage.
10:15Write it down.
10:20It's a number?
10:22Where are you from?
10:23Red alert!
10:24Everyone gather round!
10:27People!
10:29My source is telling me that downtown found some Rain Man-type human calculator at a homeless shelter.
10:36Now, I hear he's prone to tantrums, but we can't count on that, so I'm going to need everyone to work late tonight.
10:43Oh, Francis, the loose candy bin count looks a bit hinky to me.
10:47I want you to double-check the malt balls.
10:50Should I start with a 40 in your belly?
10:55I heard that!
10:58And I'm paying for those.
10:59Things are starting to get really strange around here.
11:05It's Dad.
11:06He's so...
11:08happy.
11:09Mmm.
11:09This meatloaf is incredible.
11:11New recipe?
11:12Same as it's always been.
11:13Oh, come on.
11:14Something's different.
11:15I can tell.
11:16Oh, actually, you know what?
11:18I was out of tomato paste, and I used ketchup instead.
11:21Uh-huh.
11:22See?
11:23I can taste it.
11:24It's good, isn't it, kiddo?
11:26What's the matter, son?
11:28A girl at school called me ooey-dooey.
11:32This is the same girl who puts paste in your hair all the time, isn't it?
11:36Well, you know, she's just doing this because she likes you.
11:40It's her way of getting your attention.
11:42So she doesn't think I'm ooey?
11:45No, of course not.
11:49He's right.
11:51Hey, Dad.
11:52I have a little situation that maybe you can help me out with.
11:56There's this girl who's...
11:57I suggest that you leave her alone before she calls the police on you.
12:02Okay.
12:03Thanks.
12:07What's wrong?
12:08What do you mean?
12:10Well, I noticed you looking at me.
12:12Nothing.
12:14See?
12:15It's creepy.
12:17You know, Hal, I gotta admit it.
12:19Not working has really been good for you.
12:21You seem so much happier.
12:23So much more attentive.
12:24Tune in to the boys.
12:42Hal?
12:43My God, you're beautiful.
12:44My God, you're beautiful.
12:45My God, you're beautiful.
13:14Okay, Dean.
13:15You did a great job yesterday.
13:18Unfortunately, I lost all the numbers.
13:21I think I accidentally mailed them to my mom.
13:24Oh.
13:25Yeah, so, whoops.
13:28So why don't you guys start recounting?
13:31I'm gonna head to the downtown store and play a little defense, if you know what I'm saying.
13:35Uh, Garcatch, you're in charge.
13:39Whoa, whoa, whoa.
13:40You're putting him in charge?
13:42He doesn't speak English.
13:44We don't even know if Garcatch is really his name.
13:46We don't know that it's not.
13:48Besides, he hasn't questioned every decision I've made.
13:51That's because he can't.
13:54And what happened to our lunch break?
13:56I can't hear you.
13:57Thought you might be ready for some aspirin.
13:59I'm working for a moron.
14:01Of course you are, honey.
14:03Your boss is an idiot, your co-workers are incompetent, and you are underappreciated.
14:08Welcome to the working world.
14:11How do people do it?
14:14Well, let's see.
14:15If you want to eat, sleep indoors, you know, those kinds of luxuries, you really don't have much of a choice.
14:21What about Dad? He had a choice.
14:23Every 20 years, you're allowed a two-week breakdown.
14:26Oh, I can't wait.
14:29He says, get back to work!
14:35I really appreciate your letting me take this vocational exam.
14:38I know it's generally for older kids.
14:42I just felt like I really needed some help.
14:44I don't want to make a wrong decision.
14:48Well, did you get the test results?
14:51Oh, yes.
14:53What did they say I should do?
14:55Well, according to this, absolutely anything you want.
15:01What?
15:02Yeah, you scored equally excellent in all areas.
15:06According to this test, there isn't a career on the planet you wouldn't be great at.
15:13Congratulations!
15:14Well, but that doesn't exactly clarify anything. I was kind of hoping that...
15:20You know, kid, there are a lot of people who would kill to have both professional golfer and neurosurgeon on their test results.
15:28Yeah, but that doesn't help me. I mean, how am I supposed to decide if I don't have any parameters at all?
15:35Well, boo-hoo for you, Mr. Unlimited Potential. Let me wipe my tears for you on my plastic briefcase.
15:41Does the test at least say what I might like?
15:45Aside from exposing middle-aged underachievers for the failures they are? Nope.
15:51Can I take the test again?
15:52Uh... no.
15:55Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to catch a bus or I'll be late for my night job.
16:01Unless, of course, you'd like that too.
16:03Let's go!
16:33Be colorblind
16:36Don't be so shallow
16:40Free your mind
16:42And the rest of others
16:45Be colorblind
16:48Don't be so shallow
16:57Free your mind
17:03What are you doing up? It's like 5.30 in the morning.
17:08Ooh, wow. Really? 5.30? Yeah, I should be getting to bed. What are you doing up?
17:15Going to work? Maybe you remember it?
17:18Oh, hey, Francis, can I borrow 20 bucks? I need to buy some more paint.
17:21What? You just bought like six cans of paint yesterday. What happened to that?
17:25I used it. Man, what are you grilling me for?
17:28How can you use six cans of paint in one day?
17:30Francis, please. I really need it. I'm so close. It's almost right.
17:35Do you have any idea how hard I have to work to make 20 dollars?
17:39Right. All right. Didn't ask for a lecture.
17:43Hey, Dad, can we ask you for some advice?
17:57The girl who's been bugging Dewey still won't leave him alone.
18:02Now she's calling me Dewey Dwarf.
18:03I told him, you've got to fight fire with fire and you should come up with some really raunchy nickname for her and spread it around school and church and stuff. You know, really get it out there.
18:16Uh, yeah. Good for you boys.
18:19So the name thing. You're on board with that?
18:29All right. Let's get to work. What's that girl's name again?
18:33Regina Tucker.
18:37Don't worry. We'll think of something.
18:38We'll think of something.
18:45Another day of crap.
18:49Damn catalogs.
18:53Idiot foreman.
19:04Watch your step.
19:06Whatever.
19:08No one gave me a chance.
19:15No one gave me a chance.
19:17So tired.
19:30No one gave me a chance.
19:32Hal, it's past midnight.
19:54Are you coming to bed?
19:55No!
19:56How can I go to bed?
19:58It's nothing what it should be.
20:00Honey, this is your dream.
20:04It's supposed to be fun.
20:06What are you talking about, fun?
20:08This isn't fun.
20:10This is driving me crazy.
20:13I just, I, I, I can't get it right.
20:16Well, you don't have to finish it.
20:18Look at you.
20:19You're killing yourself.
20:21One more day.
20:22That's all.
20:23I just need one more day.
20:24Hey, pal, there has got to be like 500 gallons of paint up there.
20:31There isn't.
20:34Yeah, that's about right.
20:37Well, it's over.
20:41I just got the word.
20:44Downtown finished their inventory.
20:46We've lost.
20:47Chaluse, Marag.
20:48I think Garkesh speaks for all of us.
20:53I'll be in the cookie aisle.
20:56Well, I say we just make up the rest of the numbers and go home.
21:00Wait a minute, go home?
21:02Weren't you listening?
21:04We lost.
21:05I just spent my entire spring break counting flip-flops and, and Vagisil.
21:11You're saying that was all for nothing?
21:14Yes.
21:15Do you know how many parties I missed this week?
21:18How many spring break debaucheries I could have been at?
21:22How many drunken sorority girls ripped their tops off without me there to yell encouragement?
21:29You can't tell me that was for nothing.
21:33We can't quit.
21:34Come on, guys.
21:38We took on a challenge.
21:41I'm staying until this is done the right way.
21:45Who's with me?
21:48Why aren't you translating?
21:50There's no point.
21:52But please, go on.
21:54That's it.
21:55Okay, see you.
22:00All right, now, keep you closed.
22:03Come on.
22:04You've all been very patient.
22:08I appreciate that.
22:11Waiting a long time, so...
22:14Here it is.
22:15It's...
22:22Yeah.
22:28You're finished?
22:29Yeah.
22:30It's perfect.
22:31I mean, it's exactly how I imagined it.
22:34Then, look at it.
22:38What?
22:39Look at your painting.
22:40Oh, I can see it.
22:41Hal, I want you to look at that painting and tell me that you're satisfied with it.
22:48I knew it.
22:56You are not finished.
22:57I can't do it, Lois.
22:59It is driving me crazy.
23:01I have been slapping on paint day after day, and I've got nothing.
23:06And I'm never going to get it right, so I might as well just forget it.
23:09Oh, you listen to me, Hal.
23:11You are not going back to work until you get this out of your system.
23:16No!
23:17You don't understand.
23:19It is no use.
23:20You are not giving up.
23:22You are going to stay right here until you are finished.
23:25Oh, ho, ho, ho!
23:26I'm not going to go through this every five years.
23:28When you decide that there's a sculpture or a fountain or God knows what it is you still
23:32have to build, you are going to finish it!
23:36Fine!
23:37You want him to see me finish it, I'll finish it!
23:40I'll put a little bit here, huh?
23:42How about there?
23:43How about there?
23:44How about there?
23:44And...
23:44Oh.
23:49Oh.
23:49And...
23:51Here.
23:57And...
23:58And...
24:06Awesome!
24:09I don't believe it.
24:12That's it.
24:13That's what was in my head.
24:16I've had it!
24:17Everyone at that place are a bunch of slacker, lazy...
24:22Oh, wow.
24:26Wow.
24:29Hell, I am so proud of you!
24:34I did it.
24:37I really did it.
24:38What's that sound?
24:39I don't know.
24:40It...
24:41It...
24:42It sounds like...
24:44Look out!
24:45Paint the Lance!
24:46I'm okay!
24:47I'm okay!
24:48I'm okay!
24:49I'm okay!
24:50I'm okay!
24:52I'm okay!
24:53I'm...
24:54I'm okay!
24:55I'm okay!
24:56Oh, honey, I've got to go.
24:57I...
24:58I...
24:59I...
25:00I...
25:01I...
25:02I...
25:04I...
25:05I...
25:06I...
25:07I...
25:08I...
25:09I...
25:10I...
25:11I...
25:12station. Hey, vacation's over, mister. It's time to get back to the old grindstone. Let's go.
25:18You know, all this made me realize, why plan for my future when it's just going to end up
25:23with a giant wall of pain crashing down on me? I'm just going to enjoy being a kid for a while.
25:32There's a lot of good things about being a kid.
25:36That's for stepping on my side of the room.
25:40No pressures, no responsibilities.
25:42Malcolm, how many times do I have to tell you to make up your bed?
25:46You are going to make up all of our beds for a month, starting now.
25:50I think I'm smart enough to know when I got it good.
26:32You