Malcolm In The Middle Season 1 Episode 16 Water Park
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00What did you do?
00:02I can't tell you. Yes or no. No questions asked.
00:04Oh, my God!
00:06Make it ten.
00:08Done.
00:10Oh, my God!
00:12You're a good son.
00:14I got him, honey! I got him, don't worry!
00:18Yes, no, maybe.
00:22I don't know.
00:24Can you repeat the question?
00:28You're not the boss of me now.
00:32You're not the boss of me now.
00:34You're not the boss of me now.
00:36And you're not so big.
00:40You're not the boss of me now.
00:42You're not the boss of me now.
00:46You're not the boss of me now.
00:48And you're not so big.
00:52Life is unfair.
00:58There you go.
01:05All pink and shiny.
01:07Boys!
01:16Feel ten pounds lighter.
01:18You ready?
01:20Yeah, go.
01:21Dad got his free tickets to the Waterside Park from work.
01:30It takes two days to prep him, but it's worth it.
01:34Ooh, smooth as a seal.
01:36Ready for that water slide.
01:38You know, we haven't been on an outing in a long time.
01:41It's nice if we can do things together as a family.
01:44Go what together?
01:46Where can I go?
01:50Dewey, we discussed this.
01:52You have to stay home because of your ear infection.
01:55I never get to go.
01:57Honey, I know it seems like a pattern, but it's just this.
02:01And Disneyland.
02:03Oh, and that Chocolate Factory tour.
02:06You know, maybe it's time you stop sticking dirty things in your ears.
02:10Hey, Dewey.
02:11How's the ear?
02:13Stop teasing him, Reese!
02:15You know, if your father doesn't find a babysitter,
02:17nobody's going anywhere, and we'll just see who's crying then.
02:20Oh, no, no, no, no.
02:21It's just the little one.
02:22Yeah, the other two aren't going to be anywhere near you.
02:26Ever since I can remember, we've always had trouble with babysitters.
02:31Hey, you!
02:32I don't know, sweetie.
02:33What do you have behind your back?
02:38I don't know, sweetie.
02:40What do you have behind your back?
02:43You little losers have had enough of this.
02:53You open the door right now.
02:55Look, I'm a little close to fault, okay?
02:57You just open the door.
02:58Just let me out.
02:59Come on!
03:01I don't know.
03:02I'm starting to think it might be us.
03:06Well, you'd think I'd get bored wiping the floor with my cadets.
03:14God knows we enjoy it, sir.
03:16You know what your problem is, cadet?
03:20Discipline.
03:22Anything worth doing is worth doing well, whatever I do.
03:28Whether it's teaching you boys, or mastering Tai Chi, or playing pool.
03:37I focus.
03:39I push myself.
03:41But you don't commit to anything, son.
03:44You're never going to be a winner.
03:47Because you do everything half-assed.
03:51Regrettable.
03:55You may have spoken too soon, sir.
03:58I think you'll find I play pool with my whole ass.
04:03Eight ball, corner pocket.
04:10Ah, the fatal scratch.
04:13Once again, I waltz with Lady Victory.
04:16And until you focus, Frances, she is never going to be your dance partner.
04:24Thank you so much for coming on so short notice.
04:27And it was so nice of your agency to give us a second chance.
04:30You two are gonna have so much fun together.
04:34Don't you dare hurt her.
04:38Hurry, the sun's coming up!
04:49Do you want to play something?
04:51No.
04:52Hey, look kids.
04:53Only twelve more miles to weigh down.
04:54Hey.
04:55Who is it?
04:56So, Malcolm, you gonna go down the liquidator this time?
04:57Don't pressure the boy, Hal.
04:58I'm not pressuring him.
04:59I'm just asking you.
05:00He's scared enough as it is without you making a big deal out of it.
05:02Hey, Mom, doesn't Malcolm have to wear his nose plug or his sinuses?
05:23Shut up.
05:24Oh, that's right.
05:26I forgot it.
05:27Listen, honey, you just be very careful then, okay?
05:30Don't worry.
05:32Here it is.
05:33Oh, thank you, Reese.
05:39Oh, my gosh.
05:40This is awesome.
05:42I can't wait to get on the ride.
05:50Malcolm, don't think you can take off that nose plug
05:53just because I'm not looking.
05:54You're going to wear it all day.
05:56But I'm not even in the water.
05:57Hey, if I catch you for one second
05:59not wearing that nose plug,
06:00you're going to spend the day in the kitty sprinkler.
06:05So what do you want to do first?
06:07What makes you think I want to do anything with you?
06:10What's your problem?
06:12That nose plug thing was bogus.
06:14You crossed the line, Reese.
06:16What?
06:17You sold me out to Mom.
06:19It would have been different if I had done something to you,
06:21but that was totally cold-blooded.
06:24Don't be such a baby.
06:25What you did to me was an act of war.
06:28And believe me, I will get you back.
06:30You won't know where or when,
06:32but you're going to pay.
06:34You sound funny.
06:35You wanted to see me, sir?
06:44I just got a call from the sheriff
06:46that a cocksure, smart-mouthed youth
06:49looking very much like yourself
06:51has been hustling pool at the local bars.
06:56Really, sir?
06:57You are in serious trouble, cadet.
06:59I can explain.
07:00Why have you been holding back when we've played pool?
07:05What?
07:06I want to know why you've been letting me win.
07:10Sir, if I played for real,
07:12I'd just end up humiliating you
07:15in front of the whole school,
07:16and you'd, you know,
07:20torture us all for it,
07:21and really nothing good could come from it.
07:23And besides, winning seems to make you so happy.
07:27I am not a child.
07:29Do you really think me so petty
07:32that I would throw a tantrum
07:34over something so small as a game of pool?
07:37My mistake, sir.
07:38We are going to play again,
07:41and you are going to give me
07:43your best game, cadet.
07:45And to make sure of that,
07:47if you don't win,
07:49picture yourself,
07:510-400,
07:52awakened from sweet dreams of mommy,
07:55sent outside into the bitter cold
07:57to raise our school colors
07:59and stand at attention
08:00for three hours
08:02until Reveille is called.
08:04Now, picture that
08:06for 230 consecutive days.
08:10What if I try my best
08:12and I still lose?
08:13Then you shall be miserable indeed.
08:17Dismissed.
08:17Remember, honey,
08:22how I promised you
08:23that exotic island vacation
08:25that we had to go have children and stuff?
08:28Hmm.
08:29Well, I was thinking,
08:31maybe today could be
08:32our little island getaway.
08:34Got the sun, the sand,
08:36the palm trees.
08:39And I brought the cocktails.
08:42It's Malibu rum in a lotion bottle,
08:44so no one will know the difference.
08:46Uh-huh.
08:49You are so cute
08:51when you sneak in alcohol.
08:57Hey, Reese,
08:58I think I just saw that girl you liked.
09:01You know,
09:01the one with the really long blonde hair.
09:03April?
09:04April, that's her.
09:06Why'd you say you liked her again?
09:08She's real trappy.
09:09I hear she kisses with tongue.
09:12Is that true, April?
09:18Jerk!
09:22Now we're eating.
09:24You geek,
09:25you deserved it!
09:28Ow!
09:29Get out of here!
09:30I think those are ours.
09:32No, I'll take care of it.
09:35Ow!
09:36Ow!
09:39Malcolm, Reese,
09:40knock it out!
09:55Can I watch TV?
09:57No.
09:58Can I play video games?
10:11No.
10:16What can I do?
10:18Something quiet.
10:19Quiet.
10:19Quiet.
10:28Quieter.
10:30Quieter.
10:30I don't know.
11:00I can do this.
11:24Keep your arms and legs crossed at all times.
11:26Do not bend your legs.
11:28Do not raise your head.
11:29Remove all piercings.
11:31You may have nothing around your neck.
11:34Enjoy the ride.
11:37Okay, here it goes.
11:40On three.
11:41One.
11:43Two.
11:45Three.
11:59One.
12:09One.
12:11Hey there, girly.
12:13Let me adjust your bra strap.
12:17Now we're even.
12:18Oh, no, no, no, no.
12:33First we sort by number of holes, then by color.
12:40What's in your mouth?
12:42Nothing.
12:44There are at least 20 things I will not tolerate,
12:46and lying is one of them.
12:48Spit it out.
12:53You're eating my buttons.
12:56I wasn't eating.
12:57I was saving.
12:59What are you, a hamster?
13:00What were you saving it for?
13:02I don't know.
13:03It's pretty.
13:04It's my favorite one.
13:09No.
13:11Actually, it's my favorite, too.
13:15What do you think of this one?
13:18It's ugly.
13:19I hate it.
13:22So do I.
13:25Oh, you're a smart little boy.
13:28You seem to be practicing pretty hard.
13:49I hope you're not planning on doing something stupid like winning.
13:54Look, guys, I know you want me to lose, but Spangler insisted I play a real game.
13:59Francis, you can't win.
14:01If you do, Spangler's gonna take it out on us.
14:04Remember when Hendricks beat him playing horse on a lucky shot?
14:08Couldn't watch anything but PBS for a week.
14:10And that was during Pledge Drive, man.
14:13Guys, come on.
14:14Do you have any idea what Spangler's gonna do to me if I lose?
14:18Do you know what we're gonna do to you if you win?
14:21You're right.
14:47Ooh.
14:49Where were we?
14:54Mom!
14:55You have to stop Reese!
14:57He's being a total jerk!
14:58Malcolm, does it look like I'm open for business?
15:02You have done nothing but pastor us!
15:05Is it too much stress that your father and I enjoy one day?
15:08But Reese is the one...
15:09I don't want to hear it!
15:11You either take care of this yourself,
15:13I'm going to lock the two of you in the car for the rest of the day!
15:16I mean it!
15:19Lifeguard! Help!
15:32My brother! He can't swim!
15:46I think I'm lifeguard enough!
15:49You're drowning!
15:50Give me Samarica!
15:51Give me Samarica!
15:52Back up!
15:53Watch out!
15:54Watch out!
15:55I miss you!
15:56Oh!
15:57Oh!
15:57Oh!
15:57Oh!
15:58Oh!
15:58Oh!
15:59Oh!
15:59Sir!
15:59Let the people who work here do that!
16:02Oh!
16:03Oh!
16:04Oh!
16:05Oh!
16:06Oh!
16:07Oh!
16:08Oh!
16:09Oh!
16:10And I was playing with my imaginary friend, and Rhys hit me because he said I shouldn't
16:22talk to myself.
16:23Well, Rhys is a horrid little boy.
16:29I mean, there's nothing wrong with having an imaginary friend.
16:32I talk to my Harold all the time.
16:34You do?
16:35Of course.
16:36He's here right now.
16:37Would you like a cookie?
16:39Sure.
16:40No.
16:41No.
16:42No.
16:43No.
16:44He's over there.
16:45Sorry, sir.
16:46Let's understand, old cadet, I've seen professionals do much worse.
17:05I guess the pool gods are smiling on me today.
17:10But then the pool gods can be fickle.
17:17That's okay, sir.
17:18You'll win the next one.
17:20Sir, what are you doing?
17:22I think I'm losing.
17:24And gracefully I'd like to be noted.
17:26But you could've made that shot.
17:27You could've made that shot.
17:28I could say the same thing to you.
17:30There are at least a dozen shots that you've held back on.
17:33But since you seem to be motivated more by losing, I'm gonna beat you at your own game.
17:39Huh?
17:40I'm going down, cadet.
17:41I'm going down hard.
17:42Sir, these guys are gonna kick my ass if I win.
17:46Well, that's just gravy.
17:48May the best man lose.
17:52Fudge!
17:53It seems I've scratched again.
17:55Well, you seem to be on a roll, cadet.
17:59Well, you seem to be on a roll, cadet.
18:00Well, you seem to be on a roll, cadet.
18:06It's business with leather.
18:16Christmas together.
18:21Freaks flock together.
18:25Making all the b-boys scream.
18:29Alright.
18:31Alright.
18:33Turn it up now.
18:38Alright.
18:40Alright.
18:41Turn it up now.
18:45We're up to the fan, babe.
18:50She's always calling her, babe.
18:55If you buy zine and the cramp tend.
18:58I just want to watch you dance.
19:02Can you hear the drums, Fernando?
19:14I remember long ago another starry night like this
19:20In the firelight, Fernando
19:26You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar
19:34I could hear the distant drums and sounds of bugle chords
19:39Were coming from my blood
19:42There was something in the air that night
19:49The stars were bright, Fernando
19:53They were shining there for you and me
19:59For liberty, Fernando
20:03Though we never thought that we could lose
20:09There's no regret
20:11If I had to do the same again
20:17I would, my friend, Fernando
20:21There was something in the air that night
20:28The stars were bright
20:31ображered
20:36He ain't
20:37It was just, I couldn't
20:40It's big
20:40For 끈
20:41la
21:01I'm fine.
21:10Before you say anything, Malcolm, I just want to tell you, I don't want to hear it.
21:14Can't you give your mother and me five minutes apiece?
21:17You know what? You can have the rest of the day because I've given up.
21:22I'm not going to have any fun anyway, so why try?
21:26As long as we're on the same page.
21:31Today sucked. I've done nothing except chicken out, get laughed at, and fight with Reese.
21:38So now, I'm just going to lie down, enjoy the sun, and wait for them to take me home.
21:56Now, we're even.
22:01Now, work.
22:18Boys!
22:20Boys!
22:34Reese, I've done some social change in the last few minutes and hereby offer my complete
22:47and full apology.
22:48It was very wrong to me and I'm truly sorry for my childish and inappropriate behavior
22:53and I'd like to think that the terrible guilt of feeling is punishment enough for-
22:58Hey, there's no cutting in line.
23:04How about you again?
23:05Reese, I'm so sorry.
23:06I really, really mean it.
23:11Do you think we're wealthy?
23:15What?
23:17Do you think we're wealthy?
23:20Wealthy people drive fancy cars, they buy fresh pasta.
23:23Do we do any of those things?
23:27No!
23:28Wealthy people can afford to have their vacations ruined.
23:31No big deal.
23:32They just pick up and they go again.
23:34Your father and I work so hard.
23:37We work so long.
23:39What is wrong with you two?
23:42Are you aborigines?
23:44Every time I turn around, I hear someone screaming and fighting and I pray to God and someone
23:49else's kids, but it's not as always you.
23:52Sane children would appreciate this.
23:54And you have to keep knattering at each other like a couple of rabid monkeys.
23:59It is not enough that you do this every day.
24:02You have to make me suffer too.
24:04So help me!
24:06Don't you dare!
24:12Arms and legs crossed at all times!
24:27That is the bravest thing I've ever seen you do.
24:30Yeah.
24:31You're gonna die.
24:32I know.
24:33So do you think she's okay?
24:35I know.
24:36I know.
24:37So do you think she's okay?
24:38I know.
24:39So do you think she's okay?
24:40So do you think she's okay?
24:47Why do you think?
24:49Why do you think?
24:51Why do you think?
24:53Why do you think?
24:55Why do you think?
24:57Why do you think?
24:59Why do you think?
25:01This is the last time I take to
25:03lives anywhere!
25:05No!
25:07No!
25:09No!
25:11No!
25:13No!
25:15No!
25:17No!
25:19No!
25:25Good playing, Jeff!
25:27Same to you, sir.
25:29Hey, who won?
25:31Who cares, man?
25:33Who cares, man?
26:03Who cares, man?
26:33Who cares, man?