Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 5 Casino
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00:00Oh, I have this terrible feeling we've forgotten something.
00:05It's like trash, locks, lights.
00:12Oh well.
00:14Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait till morning.
00:23Oh boy.
00:24All right, son.
00:30Son, I think you've learned your lesson.
00:34Okay.
00:36Thanks, Dad.
00:41I've got to stop doing this.
00:44Yes, no, maybe.
00:48I don't know.
00:50Oh, can you repeat the question?
00:55You're not the boss of me now.
00:58You're not the boss of me now.
01:01You're not the boss of me now.
01:03And you're not so big.
01:06You're not the boss of me now.
01:09You're not the boss of me now.
01:12You're not the boss of me now.
01:14And you're not so big.
01:17Life is unfair
01:47Just keep your head in the bucket
01:49Just ten more minutes and we'll get to spend a weekend on a real Indian reservation
01:54Why do they have casinos?
01:56I don't know, son. Let's just thank God they do
01:59Hey, the pool at this place looks pretty good
02:02You guys are gonna have a nice time
02:04It's too bad Francis couldn't be here
02:06No, don't you feel bad for Francis
02:08He's the one who got himself on academic probation
02:11Francis isn't going anywhere this weekend
02:14Richie, it's me. I ditched school
02:17My family's away for the whole weekend so I got the house to myself
02:21Call Circus and Justin cause we're gonna party!
02:25Sorry dude, they're in jail
02:27You're kidding, why?
02:29They got caught trying to steal the giant inflatable panda from the car lot
02:33Oh man, that would have been great to have
02:38Well you can come over, right?
02:40I'm not sure
02:42This weekend's my intervention
02:44How long do you think this is gonna take, mom?
02:47You better put me down as a maybe
02:54Oh man, did I overbuy on pork rinds
03:04Oh hey, there we go
03:10This is nice, huh?
03:11I get the roll away
03:12I want to sleep with Malcolm
03:13Cool, I get the big bed for myself
03:15Not fair, if you get the big bed you get Dewey
03:18That's not the way you called it, butthead
03:19Now boys, I'm sure we can find a fair way to figure this out
03:23Rhys, Malcolm Dewey
03:27I'm taking a bath, anybody's gotta go, it's now or never
03:31Can we go swimming, mom?
03:32Yeah, can we?
03:33I think I might take a quick look at the casino
03:36Hell, you got two days to gamble
03:38Why don't you take the boys to the pool?
03:40Hell?
03:46They don't do anything, they're just there
03:49Hold it there boys, no one under 16 allowed in the pool without an adult
03:54It's okay, they're with me
03:56Sorry, no parent, no pool
03:59But that's ridiculous, we all know how to swim
04:04Okay, fine, we'll just go get my dad in the casino
04:07Sorry, no kids allowed in the casino either
04:10I'm not gonna gamble, I just wanna get my dad
04:13Look, I don't make the rules
04:15You're just doing this because you hate kids
04:17I'm really not, it's just a happy coincidence
04:21Mom, they won't let us in the pool without an adult
04:24What are we supposed to do?
04:25I don't know, use your imaginations
04:28What? We're on vacation
04:30Hey, there's dirt out there, isn't there?
04:32And rocks and lizards
04:34And I think I saw an old tire in the parking lot
04:37There aren't kids in this world with a lot less than an old tire to play with
04:42So I don't wanna hear another word about it
04:44Yeah, it's great being home
04:48So catch me up, what's going on?
04:50Well, we had Salisbury steak for dinner
04:53Yeah? With cream spinach?
04:55Uh-huh
04:56That's a great side dish
04:58Now, I know they use celery salt and vinegar with that
05:01But is that oregano I taste, or is that tarragon?
05:05Francis, I gotta go
05:06Alright, fine, put Finley on
05:08You already talked to him twice
05:10Come on, we're playing pool and I'm up
05:13Okay, okay, play your stupid game
05:15I got some serious partying to do here anyway
05:18Let's go
05:28Woo!
05:36Yes! I win again!
05:38No, fam, my gullet doesn't have any legs
05:41Hey, boys
05:42Hey, Dad, how'd you do?
05:44Well, you know, blackjack's a complicated game
05:47You have your ups and your downs
05:49So, who wants to buy me a coke?
05:52It's too bad you had to quit, Dad
05:54That shoe's full of tens
05:56Huh?
05:57Tens, face cards
06:00Okay, there's six decks
06:02They've already played out eighteen nines, fourteen eights, twelve sevens
06:05But only two tens
06:06A king of spades and a queen of diamonds
06:08Which leaves...
06:09Well, you can do them half
06:12No, but you can
06:14That's all that matters
06:16That matters
06:17Oh!
06:18Oh!
06:19My little genius
06:20But you...
06:22If I were you I'd be takin' it easy
06:25Kick back and relax for a little while
06:28No matter what the world has in store for us
06:31You got to bring that Ben, get off of us
06:34Reach out for a double chair
06:37Reach out for throw your arms in the air
06:43Of course, we're terribly sorry about this.
07:03You have to believe that this is a momentary lack of judgment on my part.
07:07I realize now that using my son...
07:11You're underage, son.
07:13You know, my underage son, to count cards, was wrong.
07:21I guess I was just trying to look for an activity that the two of us can enjoy doing together.
07:25You know, it's a tough age.
07:27Yeah, and this was really helping my self-esteem.
07:32You see, I'm not really good at sports, and this made me feel special.
07:39My son and I cook.
07:41Oh, that's a good thought.
07:43We'll have to try that.
07:46In the meantime, you're banned from the casino.
07:50Banned?
07:51Oh, no, no.
07:52No, you don't want to do that.
07:54You see, that's just not going to go over so well with my wife.
07:58Believe me, you don't want to see her angry.
08:02I'm not banning her, just you.
08:06Okay, look, let's just forget about the three grand that I won.
08:15Mm-hmm.
08:16Mm-hmm.
08:17Pretend.
08:18Never happened.
08:19Capiche?
08:20That's very generous of you.
08:22You're still banned.
08:24What?
08:25Oh, all right then.
08:26Just give me my money back.
08:28I'm sorry?
08:29What money?
08:30Hey, look, pal.
08:32Who said anything about money?
08:53Oh, I'll tell you, I am not that impressed with this place.
09:02You call that a breakfast buffet?
09:04Not a tangelo to be found.
09:06What are you talking about?
09:07Didn't you see that teepee made entirely a sausage?
09:10It was incredible.
09:11I am going to die.
09:14Why didn't anyone stop me?
09:16In our family, we take their phrase all you can eat as a personal challenge.
09:21I know it'll cheer you up.
09:22Why don't we go gamble a little?
09:25Uh, now?
09:27Where does it say that just because you're at a casino you have to gamble?
09:31I mean, I'd rather spend some more time with my boys.
09:36Ah!
09:37Oh, stop it, Ted.
09:39Please, stop.
09:40Hal, you made me sit for eight hours in that car listening to your foolproof system for winning at Keno.
09:46Now you're telling me you don't want to gamble?
09:48We are surrounded by the great outdoors, Lois.
09:52I was thinking we might all go for a hike.
10:00Okay, what have you done?
10:03What do you mean?
10:04Why are you avoiding the casino?
10:06Well, sweetheart, we could sit here and I could tell you all about it and you might find it all very amusing.
10:13Or, you could think about the fact that I'm offering to take the boys off your hands for the whole day.
10:19Don't forget the sunblock.
10:26All right, crew.
10:31I just happened to find a brochure in the lobby for the old El Diablo ghost town.
10:38Just a five-mile hike from here.
10:41What's a ghost town?
10:43What do you think it is?
10:44It's a town full of dead people.
10:46Why can't we just go swimming?
10:48Ah, we could swim at home.
10:50Where?
10:51Come on, it'll be fun.
10:53Look, they have a real working old-timey ice cream parlor.
10:59We're going.
11:01Donnie from Wyoming.
11:03They're climbing on that car.
11:31With a whole room left.
11:32Oh, we ought to go swimming.
11:34We're hoping that we can swim.
11:34Oh, my God.
11:35We are hoping that there's a feeling of being with an animal.
11:37We're hoping that there's a little bit of a desire to play like this.
11:38Even if we're going to die, let's go swimming.
11:39We're hoping we'll be in the world of God.
11:40We're hoping that we've been the best.
11:41We're hoping that there are no way that you want to be on it.
11:44Whoa, man.
11:45How do we go?
11:46What are you doing?
11:47What are you doing?
11:48I think you can.
11:49You can't sit here.
11:50You can sit here.
11:52Listen to your life.
11:54Like, how have you been doing?
11:56At a dinner.
11:57How do you play?
12:28What are you doing here?
12:34Shouldn't you be in military school?
12:35Shouldn't you not be in my father's robe?
12:39That is neither here nor there.
12:42You are in big trouble, my friend.
12:45I'm in trouble?
12:47Yes.
12:48Big trouble.
12:51I'm telling your mother.
12:54No.
12:56I'm telling my mother.
12:58That's my toast.
13:12We'll split it.
13:17Huh.
13:18I don't get it.
13:19The map says the ghost town's only a half inch away.
13:22Dad, we're lost.
13:25What sounds more idiotic?
13:27Let's go to the desert, kids, or good idea, Dad.
13:32Hi, Mom.
13:33Dewey, what are you doing here?
13:35I thought you went for a hike with your father.
13:38I couldn't.
13:38I don't like ghosts.
13:40They eat little boys.
13:41That's ridiculous.
13:42There's no such thing as ghosts.
13:44Except for that one that'll get you if you go up on the roof.
13:46Come on.
13:48You're too young to be in a casino.
13:49Come on, folks.
13:50Take a stand at the wheel.
13:54Oh.
13:54May as well turn my free spin.
13:57That's right, lady.
13:58Nobody goes home a loser.
14:00Oh, God.
14:01I'm ruined.
14:03Okay.
14:04Let's give it a whirl.
14:14Wow.
14:16Look at that.
14:18You have won our Champagne Dreams package for two.
14:21An entire day of his and her spa treatments followed by an evening of dinner and dancing.
14:26Well, that's just perfect.
14:28My husband's out on a hike and we're leaving tomorrow.
14:30Relax, lady.
14:31It's good for six months.
14:33Six months?
14:35I had to work six months of overtime in a crummy drugstore just to pay for this trip.
14:41Have you ever had to recommend hemorrhoid cream to a complete stranger?
14:45Do you want the prize or not?
14:56You carry a lot of tension in your shoulders.
14:58Tell me about it.
15:02All right.
15:03Now, listen.
15:03Come on.
15:03Let's just all get our bearings here, shall we?
15:05Yeah.
15:06All right.
15:06Here's the sun.
15:07What's it telling us?
15:09That it's hot.
15:11Hey.
15:11Is that a fence over there?
15:14By God.
15:15You're right.
15:15See, I told you we weren't lost.
15:17Then where are we?
15:19By the fence.
15:21That's a sure sign of civilization.
15:23I say we go in.
15:24Come on.
15:24Come on.
15:30Wait a minute.
15:32What if we're already in and instead of going in, we're actually going out?
15:37Son, sometimes the genius thing gets a little annoying.
15:40Come on.
15:41Let's just keep thinking positive thoughts.
15:50Listen to that.
15:51That's a plane.
15:53There.
15:54Help.
15:55Help.
15:55Here.
15:56We need help.
15:57Oh.
15:58Oh.
15:59We're lost.
16:00Oh, for the love of God.
16:01Help us.
16:03Well, shall we?
16:24I can't believe this.
16:26Bob, my own bus ticket home, I have to spend the whole weekend with you.
16:30I hear you.
16:32It's a shame you had to spend your own money.
16:35I've discovered a way you can travel for free through the internet.
16:38What?
16:38You hacked into an airline's reservation system?
16:41No, that's illegal.
16:43I go into a chat room and pretend to be a really hot 18-year-old girl.
16:48I'm Debbie.
16:50I'm blonde, naive, and I love to wear sundresses.
16:54Right now, I'm having a lot of problems at home.
16:57Dad's so mean.
16:59I'm going through all these changes, all these strange new feelings.
17:05He just doesn't under...
17:06The free travel?
17:08Right.
17:09Debbie goes into some chat room, gets real friendly with some lonely guy.
17:14Before long, he's willing to pay for a visit.
17:18Right now, I'm sitting on a ticket to Tampa.
17:20Oh, and I make sure he buys Debbie full, fair coach, no restrictions.
17:24She may look good in a thong, but she's no dummy.
17:31Sweet.
17:33I'm thirsty.
17:35Yeah, well, we'd have water if some idiot hadn't used it to write an S.O.S. in the sand.
17:40Oh, I see.
17:41You people let me carry the water, and all of a sudden, I'm the idiot?
17:44Malcolm, Reese, relax.
17:46We have nothing to worry about.
17:48Everything's going to be fine.
17:49I want you to know that I love you boys very much.
17:54He keeps saying that.
17:57Oh, great.
17:59Now I'm hallucinating.
18:00I see a cougar.
18:02Don't be stupid.
18:04That's a puma.
18:04Okay, everybody okay?
18:29Yeah, I guess so.
18:31Oh, my God.
18:32Where's Dewey?
18:33Oh, my God!
18:34Oh, my God!
18:36He's back at the hotel.
18:37Okay, then.
18:39Nobody's hurt.
18:40Everything's fine.
18:42Dad, a cougar just blew up.
18:44I meant besides that.
18:46That's not good.
18:47Cougars don't just blow up.
18:50As new as I can figure, I did it with my mind.
18:55Reese, that's insane!
18:58I wouldn't talk to me like that if I were you.
19:01Okay, there must be some explanation.
19:02Okay, it could have been caused by a blasting cap left by a miner, although the explosion was much too big.
19:08Uh, perhaps the cougar ate some dynamite.
19:12Oh, that's ridiculous.
19:14Oh, maybe it's just a mirage.
19:17I've got in a mirage, although a mirage usually doesn't end up all over your shoes, which leads me back to the Reese thing.
19:24I accept your apology.
19:27Oh, this feels so good.
19:31I mean, you read about celebrities going to spas and having these kinds of treatments, but you marry young, you start spitting out kids, you can kiss this kind of thing goodbye.
19:41Don't eat the cucumber slices, honey.
19:45Okay.
19:45M-Z-R-Y-C.
19:51Nice try.
19:52What's that supposed to mean?
19:54Miseric.
19:54It's another military term.
19:56You know, the helmets that horses wear.
19:59Oh, right, right, right.
20:01This is nice.
20:02Hanging out on a Saturday, playing Scrabble.
20:05Couple of guys relaxing.
20:07So your folks getting along okay?
20:09Huh?
20:09Nothing.
20:10Here we go.
20:12Read it and weep.
20:14C-A-T.
20:16Hey, that's two cats for you.
20:17That's great.
20:18Just playing the tiles I'm dealt.
20:21So, uh, you pick up any bad vibes here on the home front, uh, you let me know, right?
20:27Why?
20:28Hey, take it easy, cowboy.
20:30Just making small talk.
20:32Okay.
20:33I guess they're doing fine.
20:35She's a strong little lady, that mother of yours.
20:38Sure, we have our moments at work, but you can't stay mad at that woman for long.
20:42You don't have to live with her.
20:44Maybe you just don't understand her.
20:46What's to understand?
20:47She's a total control freak.
20:51Maybe she doesn't get the support she needs here at home.
20:54Well, I wouldn't know since she sent me to military school.
20:58Because you're a spoiled brat.
21:01And I'm pretty sure Miseric ends in a K.
21:05Look, the house.
21:07Yes!
21:11All right!
21:13Come on.
21:17Hello?
21:18Hello?
21:20They're sitting at the table.
21:22They're just ignoring us.
21:23They probably think we're trying to sell them something.
21:26Hey, we're lost!
21:27A cougar exploded!
21:29Can we use your phone?
21:30Sorry, we hate to barge in, but this is kind of an emergency.
21:40Oh, this is a little weird.
21:42Okay.
21:47I just figured this out.
21:49Run!
21:50Run!
21:59We're on an artillery range.
22:01That's where the cougar blew up.
22:03It was hit by a shell.
22:05You sure?
22:16Pretty sure.
22:17I'm unrappled.
22:21I'm unrappled.
22:21I'm unrappled.
22:22I'm unrappled.
22:25Give me your pressure.
22:27Wait!
22:28Let go.
22:29Take a breather with the far.
22:30Call!
22:31Oh, yeah.
23:01It's a wire, tripping
23:04Yeah, it was high, good life
23:08It's a wire, tripping
23:10Good Bob, still the way
23:14It's a wire, tripping
23:18The house is high, good life
23:22It's a wire, tripping
23:27Good Bob, still the way
23:31Of course, we're terribly sorry about this, and we realize that fences are there for a reason.
23:40However, in fairness, when we climbed the fence, we weren't sure if we were going in or out.
23:45Do you want to explain the theory, son?
23:47Not really.
23:49This is a highly classified testing ground, and I could very easily detain the three of you indefinitely for national security reasons.
23:56You know what nobody's mentioned? It's that this is supposed to be the greatest army in the world, and you couldn't even kill the three of us.
24:05I've got to tell you, I'm not impressed.
24:10Well, the great thing about this trip is, the next time I hear we can't afford to go on vacation, I think I'll be okay with it.
24:19I trust everything went well for you and your handsome gentleman friend.
24:23He is handsome, isn't he?
24:26Can I have some ice cream?
24:28You can have anything you want. Tonight is our special night.
24:39Huh?
24:40Dewey?
24:41Oh, thank God.
24:43Look, I only get to make one call, so put your mother on so she can come get us.
24:52Who is that?
24:54Wrong number.
24:55Announcing the arrival of the air outbound by 6-3 on 8-11.
25:13My foot is killing me.
25:15All right, let's be brave soldiers, boys.
25:18I get there after dark, but I've got plenty of water, and we'll be okay.
25:23Tell us the story again, Dad, please.
25:26Yeah, yeah.
25:28All right, one last time.
25:31Dewey is tied to a post in the burning sun.
25:35It's covered entirely in honey.
25:39Even his eyes?
25:40Even his eyes.
25:42Uh-oh.
25:43Oh, what's that behind him?
25:45A million fire ants.
25:48Hungry fire ants.
25:51Sharp little mandibles.
25:53Itchy feet.
25:53Oh, what's that behind him?
25:54Oh, what's that behind him?
25:54Oh, what's that behind him?
25:55Oh, what's that behind him?
25:55Oh, what's that behind him?
25:55Oh, what's that behind him?
25:56Oh, what's that behind him?
25:56Oh, what's that behind him?
25:57Oh, what's that behind him?
25:57Oh, what's that behind him?
25:58Oh, what's that behind him?
25:58Oh, what's that behind him?
25:59Oh, what's that behind him?
25:59Oh, what's that behind him?
26:00Oh, what's that behind him?
26:01Oh, what's that behind him?
26:02Oh, what's that behind him?
26:03Oh, what's that behind him?
26:04Oh, what's that behind him?
26:05Oh, what's that behind him?
26:06Oh, what's that behind him?
26:07Oh, what's that behind him?