Malcolm In The Middle Season 3 Episode 1 Houseboat
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00:00Ready?
00:12Stevie's house has air conditioning.
00:15Let's get some more.
00:30You're not the boss of me now .
00:37You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big .
00:54I feel some pain.
01:00I don't rent to even the fanciest place on the big island, but you know, at least I have a place to work on my cliff diving.
01:10Wow.
01:12We're actually sharing a houseboat with Stevie's family on a man-made lake by the power plant.
01:17I don't want to meet the girl that way impressed.
01:21Do not touch!
01:24I'm not!
01:27Hal, let me see your bathing suit.
01:29No.
01:30All these ones you picked out are too big and baggy.
01:33Baggy is good.
01:34It's less surface area I have to shave.
01:36I like the little ones.
01:38No, Hal.
01:39You always pop out of the little ones.
01:41I do not pop out.
01:42That was one time.
01:43Hal, the Cunarbons are conservative people.
01:46We're going to be in very close quarters with them.
01:49Now you get the baggy ones.
01:50Let me just show you something.
01:52It better not be that suit in the egg.
01:55Don't say anything until you see it.
01:57Watch out!
01:58Dewey!
01:59We need assistance and ski equipment.
02:00Can I see that spear gun?
02:01Sure.
02:02Don't tell me this doesn't do something for you.
02:09Oh!
02:10Oh!
02:11Oh, I'm sorry.
02:12I thought you were my wife.
02:14You see, my wife has the exact same shape...
02:15Oh!
02:16Oh!
02:17Oh!
02:18Oh!
02:19Oh!
02:20Oh!
02:21Oh!
02:22Oh!
02:23Now I saw everything.
02:24Don't tell me this doesn't do something for you.
02:26Oh!
02:27Oh!
02:28Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
02:29I thought you were my wife.
02:31You see, my wife has the exact same shape...
02:35So, maybe when I get back, you know, if you wanted, maybe I can give you a call.
02:50Maybe.
02:52Whoa, look at that guy.
02:58Do you know him?
03:03Who?
03:05That in my case?
03:06Of course not.
03:07Do you want to help me choose a surfboard?
03:10Okay.
03:11Malcolm!
03:12Oh, for the love of...
03:16Excuse me.
03:20Oh!
03:21God, it's not me!
03:23It's the suit!
03:24I am a normal person!
03:26I'm here with my family!
03:27My son is right over the...
03:29Oh, God!
03:30No, no, no.
03:31I know how this looks, but I'm telling you it's...
03:33Malcolm!
03:34Wait, no, no, no.
03:36This is a complete misunderstanding.
03:39Dude, where were you?
03:45If Spangler finds out you blew off drill practice, he's gonna kill you.
03:49I'm not afraid of Spangler anymore.
03:51Why aren't you in uniform?
03:54I'm leaving.
03:55I'm out of here.
04:01You can't just leave.
04:02Yes, I can.
04:04I just turned 18.
04:06I'm legally an adult, and no one can tell me what to do.
04:09I'm getting the hell out of here.
04:11Wait, you're not gonna graduate?
04:13Nope.
04:14I'm going to Alaska.
04:16Francis, it's crazy up there.
04:19You can make $45 an hour working on oil rigs or logging camps,
04:25and you don't even need a diploma.
04:28Wait, $45 an hour?
04:31That's with room and board.
04:34You work a couple of years, and you're set for life.
04:39Something to remember me by.
04:51Do you realize how close your father came to being a registered sex offender?
04:58A registered sex offender!
05:01And for what?
05:02For some trampy girl?
05:04For-
05:05Mom, please!
05:06I feel terrible!
05:07I completely understand what I did!
05:09I sold out my own father for a girl!
05:12It's like the worst thing I've ever done!
05:14We both agree I'm a terrible person!
05:18For some girl you don't even know!
05:20Who wouldn't give you the time of day?
05:22That's the gratitude you showed your father!
05:25Hey, maybe I'm the good one after all.
05:28Here, Mom.
05:29For your throat.
05:30I put a little honey in it.
05:32That man gets one vacation a year, and this is how you start it!
05:36You go and make it right!
05:42Hello!
05:43Dad's probably not that mad at me.
05:45I mean, it's not like I personally shoved him in the squad car, right?
05:55Dad, can I talk to you?
05:56Uh, no.
05:57Not right now.
05:58I'm kind of busy.
05:59Uh, Reese, can you come in here and help me with something?
06:01Oh, sure, Dad.
06:02I'd love to be helpful.
06:04I'm gonna close the door.
06:10Absolutely not, Francis!
06:12Mom, you're not listening.
06:14I can make $45 an hour.
06:17That's more than your dad makes.
06:19You are going to graduate from high school!
06:24Why spend the tuition?
06:25It's a total waste of money.
06:26We both know I'm bailing.
06:30Okay, now we both know.
06:32Francis, you are going to stay in school until you graduate,
06:36and that's all there is to it.
06:38And if you flunk out, then it's just another year you're stuck there!
06:42You just can't stand the fact that I'll be making more money than you!
06:58Whoa, that was close.
07:00Oh, look at all this lovely scenery and nature!
07:15This is going to be wonderful!
07:17Dear, did you pack my hat?
07:21Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
07:22You should have asked me to.
07:24No problem.
07:25I'll just create one out of newspaper.
07:28Everything okay?
07:31Everything's wonderful.
07:32We're on vacation.
07:36The whole drive up here, Dad wouldn't even look at me.
07:39I just wish I could take those two minutes back.
07:44That's the king of the seas?
07:49No TV!
07:50There's no TV!
07:51There's no TV!
07:53There's no TV!
07:54There's no TV!
07:55There's no TV!
07:56There's no TV!
07:57There's no TV!
07:58There's no TV!
07:59There's no TV!
08:00There's no TV!
08:01There's no TV!
08:02There's no TV!
08:03There's no TV!
08:04There's no TV!
08:05Excuse me!
08:06Okay.
08:07Dad, I'll help you with that.
08:08I don't know, I've got it!
08:10Dad, please, wait!
08:11Dad, please wait
08:15Come on, talk to me, please
08:18Okay, fine
08:22I wanted to wait until this afternoon
08:26But what the heck
08:27Check this out
08:30It's the Kavanaugh
08:34Remember last year
08:36You saw a picture in a magazine
08:39Of a father and a son fishing together
08:41And you said, oh, I'd like to try that sometime
08:44Yeah?
08:45Yeah, well, I just kept looking at that picture
08:48And I was thinking about you and me
08:51And I started putting a little money away
08:54And, you know, I just
08:56I got this for you
08:59Oh, man, you wouldn't believe
09:03How hard this week has been
09:04Every time that I looked at you
09:06I wanted to spill the beans
09:08But this is why you wouldn't talk to me?
09:11We'll take the dinghy out
09:13And we'll do some fishing
09:14Just the two of us
09:16Great
09:18See you on board, Skipper
09:20Hey, guess who's still the good one?
09:26Hey, boy, what are you doing?
09:52I don't know
09:55What are you doing?
09:59Where'd you get the boat?
10:01We stole it from our spirit camp
10:03We're going to get cigarettes
10:06Spirit camp?
10:08So you girls are
10:10Cheerleaders
10:12Bad
10:14Cheerleaders
10:16Yeah
10:18We haven't seen any boys in like six weeks
10:21Even you guys are starting to look good
10:24Wait, where are you guys going?
10:35Follow us
10:36Follow us and find out
10:38Get the boat
10:48Ready to go fishing, son?
10:54Now?
10:56Sure, we're catching everyone's dinner
10:58Now, don't you take this personally, all right?
11:03This is a special thing with Malcolm and me
11:05Just this one time
11:06Too bad you can't come with us
11:10Too bad we're taking the boat
11:12At least Reese and Steger are as bored and miserable as I am
11:35Remember
11:39To call me
11:41Snoop
11:43Oh, my God.
12:13Oh, this is great.
12:30To just relax with adults.
12:36Suffocate.
12:39Good for you, Abe.
12:43Crybaby.
12:49I believe that's two words, dear.
12:51Okay, then.
12:53Just be.
12:58I heard what happened, cadet.
13:01My, my, my.
13:02All that splintered wood and broken glass.
13:05I brought you something.
13:08What's that?
13:10A hammer, cadet.
13:11I expect you to repair the trophy case.
13:15You'll find lumber in the common room.
13:18I have a nine-inch gash in my leg.
13:20Hmm.
13:22That's quite a handicap.
13:24Cadet, you damaged Skoll property, and you are the one responsible for repairing it.
13:31Consider it a character-building lesson.
13:34I didn't damage anything.
13:37That was negligence.
13:38The phone was improperly connected to the wall.
13:41That is totally unfair.
13:43I decide what's fair around here.
13:46But wait.
13:48Maybe I've been hasty.
13:51Nope.
13:51Now that I've reconsidered, the decision stands.
13:54You will fix the damage by the end of the week.
13:56That is all, cadet.
13:58Dewey, you have to let go of the rope.
14:06You're all sunburned.
14:08No.
14:09Just let go.
14:11It's going to be dark soon.
14:13I can't.
14:14Yes, you can.
14:15Just open your fingers.
14:17But I'll fall.
14:19That's the point, Dewey.
14:20Just don't think.
14:22Just do it.
14:23Just let go.
14:24No.
14:24Oh, for crying out loud.
14:27You let go of that rope and you're coming for dinner.
14:32Come on, honey.
14:34No.
14:34Ow.
14:35Come on, honey.
14:36I'm making friends for us.
14:37Ow.
14:38Your favorite ice cream.
14:41You know you love ice cream.
14:44And it was wriggling and fighting me.
14:47But finally, I got it on the hook.
14:49And it was one hell of a worm.
14:51I thought for sure I'd catch something with it.
14:53Oh, Dewey, would you pass the salt, please?
15:01Where'd you get that china?
15:03Mom?
15:05It was horrible.
15:07We were stuck in there for hours.
15:10It was so boring.
15:11What are you smiling about?
15:18I like these potatoes.
15:22You guys went to the camp?
15:24Oh, man, what was it like?
15:26Imagine a hundred fat guys falling downstairs, knocking over all the ladies.
15:32Multiply that by ten, and you're not even close.
15:35Until today, I'd have traded my life for anybody's.
15:50No way.
15:52It's mom's.
15:53If it were mom's, would I do this?
15:57Oh, that was delicious.
16:09I am so sorry about Abe.
16:12What do you mean?
16:13Oh, you're sweet to pretend.
16:15But I know he is ruining everyone's vacation with his pouting and his sarcastic little digs.
16:22Well, if it's bothering you, you should talk to him.
16:24Oh, sure is a beautiful night.
16:30Oh, you're right.
16:32Anything is better than this.
16:35Oh, Malcolm.
16:36Better hit the hay.
16:37We're getting up pretty early tomorrow.
16:39Nighty.
16:41Night.
16:44Oh, I'll tell you what the problem is.
16:46I hate this boat.
16:48I hate this place.
16:49I hate everything about this damn vacation.
16:52Then why didn't you say anything?
16:53Oh, what difference would it make?
16:55This whole trip was your idea, and God knows, whatever kiddie wants, kiddie gets.
17:03Stop behaving like a total ass.
17:05You're ruining everyone's vacation.
17:07I could be sitting in a suite in Hawaii right now.
17:10You know these people can't afford that.
17:12Well, pardon me for going to college and earning a decent living.
17:16Should I drive a crappy car because they do too?
17:19Oh, they cannot hear me.
17:25And even if they could, they'd certainly understand that it's just my puckish sense of humor.
17:32Oh, it will too work.
17:33They're not that smart.
17:35Turn on the radio.
17:36It will be too hard.
17:47It sure is.
17:50Come on.
17:52Bye.
17:54Bye.
17:55Bye.
17:57Bye.
17:58Bye.
17:59Bye.
17:59Bye.
17:59Bye.
18:00Bye.
18:01Bye.
18:02Bye.
18:03Bye bye.
18:04Bye.
18:05Bye.
18:05I don't know.
18:3516.
18:36What?
18:37Nothing.
18:44117.
18:47You know, I didn't want it to come to this, but there's only so far a person can be pushed.
18:51You don't have to persuade me.
18:53This is exactly the kind of injustice the Alabama legal system was designed to address.
18:59Now, just sign here.
19:05And we'll need your parents' signatures at the bottom.
19:17Great!
19:18I'm a notary as well as a lawyer, so I can have this expedited.
19:22Great.
19:30Hello?
19:32Well, he's in with a client right now.
19:34Can he call you back?
19:36What's your name, sugar?
19:40Mom!
19:41No, please!
19:42We can't watch Dewey.
19:43We already have plans.
19:44And now they include your brother.
19:45Mom!
19:46This isn't a negotiation.
19:47You're going to take your brother with you and you're going to have fun with him!
19:52Now remember, this is a magic buoy.
20:03Mermaids are drawn to it and they'll grant your every wish.
20:07But they won't show up if there's more than one person here.
20:10Just leave.
20:11Don't insult me.
20:12Just leave.
20:13Don't insult me.
20:14No do.
20:38Hi, Malcolm.
20:40Me and my naked friends got tired of waiting for you.
20:44You don't want that jerk Reese to have all the fun, do you?
20:50What happened?
20:51You catch something?
20:53No.
20:54We're not going to catch anything.
20:57I know.
21:00It's just really awful, isn't it?
21:03I don't think there's a darn fish in this whole lake.
21:07You know what? It doesn't matter.
21:10It was just nice being out here with you.
21:17Dad.
21:18Hmm?
21:19You know the other day at the store when I pretended not to know you?
21:24Yeah.
21:26That was a new loan.
21:28Well, there was this girl.
21:32Really?
21:36I'm sorry.
21:38I know.
21:40Oh, looks like you've got a nipple.
21:45Atta boy.
21:46Set the hook.
21:47Set the hook.
21:48Yeah, let him run.
21:49Let him run.
21:49Take it on me.
21:50Here we go.
21:51Okay, now reel him.
21:52Reel him.
21:53Atta boy.
21:53Atta boy.
21:54Look at that.
21:55Oh!
21:55Come to papa, baby.
21:59You betcha.
22:01Oh, yeah.
22:02Oh, that's a striper.
22:04Look at that.
22:07Cutie.
22:07Way to go, Malcolm.
22:09Thanks, Dad.
22:09Oh, look at that.
22:12He's four pounds.
22:13He's an elf.
22:15Yeah.
22:15Oh.
22:16Nice.
22:16Huh.
22:17Isn't this your brother's shirt?
22:32Oh, my God.
22:55Oh.
22:56You hate so much trouble!
23:04I knew!
23:07I can't believe it either.
23:10I knew it!
23:26If you'll excuse me, dear, I believe I'll go take a nap on my luxurious foam pad.
23:38How long did you let this go on?
23:40I tried to talk to him, it just didn't help.
23:43Maybe you came on too strong.
23:45You could start by apologizing.
23:47You don't have to mean it.
23:49Look, you have one day of vacation left.
23:52You want to spend it like this?
23:54Alright.
23:56I could swallow my pride.
24:02And you think you're some kind of a picnic?
24:05With your long-suffering sighs and your pouting and your 2 a.m. crying jags?
24:12You are a big, overindulged mama's boy!
24:16And you are an uptight, impossible-to-please, control freak!
24:22I can't take it anymore!
24:23What you got to do about it, mama's boy?
24:26Huh?
24:27What's a big mama's boy going to do about it?
24:34Oh my god!
24:41Oh, sorry!
24:43Mom!
24:43I thought you weren't fighting!
24:44I didn't see anything!
24:46I didn't see anything!
24:50Oh dear, come on!
24:51I'm cold, I'm cold, I'm cold!
24:53Hey!
24:58Three weeks of slave labor.
25:00My relationship with dad will never be the same.
25:03And I can't stop smiling.
25:05Dewey, do you remember when we were both stuck on the buoy and you said you wanted to be a ventriloquist?
25:11Well, I thought it was something we could do together.
25:17Thanks, Dad!
25:19You're welcome, son.
25:20You're welcome, son.
25:21Oh my god!
25:24What is it?
25:25It's Francis!
25:28He quit school!
25:31He's on his way to Alaska!
25:34Well, that's ridiculous.
25:35He can't just take himself out of school.
25:37He has to have our permission.
25:38No, he doesn't.
25:39He got himself legally emancipated.
26:09But, he doesn't wait to walk away all day.
26:11He doesn't want to learn the dean's world yet.
26:13Phenicine, John Mineta, Koehman.
26:15I came through full свое as a pincel.
26:17The man who has spoken to him toumbing for me.
26:17He doesn't even deserve the rest of his way!
26:18But, I think it always feels like one of his resemblance.
26:31Ha сердito's finest inserts, but, when he can't go to me as a programmer.