Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 4 Dinner Out
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00:00Uh-oh.
00:04Oh, man. We were so dead.
00:07That's it. Game over.
00:08Yeah. So I win.
00:11What?
00:12Pass the lamp is a home run.
00:15Two men scored.
00:16That was a foul ball!
00:17Are you crazy? It went right down the line!
00:19It was foul.
00:21Shut up! You're home plate. You don't get a vote.
00:24And it was fair.
00:25Do over.
00:26Fine about me?
00:30Oh, crap!
00:35Now we really have to quit.
00:37Yeah.
00:38But that was a triple.
00:40Get back up there.
00:44Yes, no, maybe.
00:48I don't know.
00:50Can you repeat the question?
00:54You're not the boss of me now.
00:57You're not the boss of me now.
01:00You're not the boss of me now.
01:02And you're not so big.
01:05You're not the boss of me now.
01:08You're not the boss of me now.
01:11You're not the boss of me now.
01:13And you're not so big.
01:16The thing about playing at David Cunarbon's house is, he has every one of my favorite
01:36video games from when I was four.
01:41Hand of the rainbow, I win the gold.
01:48Don't you have something with a little bit more violence in it?
01:53Fishing for fishies, sometimes he drowns.
02:00Boys, I've got snacks.
02:05Hands.
02:10Now, who wants applesauce?
02:12I do.
02:14Stevie, there is no need to use your outdoor voice.
02:17And I've got some cinnamon if you guys are feeling a little crazy.
02:21Feeling crazy?
02:24A little.
02:26That's my mom.
02:29Oh, well, she always honks.
02:32Tell her she's welcome to come in any time.
02:34We're not gonna bite.
02:35It's not personal.
02:37I think she just likes honking.
02:39Malcolm!
02:40Well, you better get going.
02:41I mean, you don't want to make her mad.
02:44She's always mad.
02:45Malcolm, I'm mean and I have ice cream melting.
02:47Here's your...
02:48Oh, no, no, no, no.
02:49Eat it in the car.
02:50Eat it in the car.
02:51Oops.
03:01Jerk.
03:02You looked.
03:03Ow!
03:04We're doing this new thing called the circle game.
03:11Basically, if you can make the other guy look at your hand when you're doing this, below
03:16your waist, you get to hit them in the arm.
03:19It's stupid, but hey, you get to hit people.
03:21Barn door's open.
03:23Huh?
03:24Okay.
03:25Ah!
03:26Boys.
03:27That was Kitty Carnarvon.
03:31She wants to go out for dinner.
03:33That sounds like fun.
03:34Good for you, dear.
03:35She meant the whole family.
03:37Oh.
03:38Mom, I don't think that's really a good idea.
03:41I mean, the Carnarvons are kind of, well, boring.
03:45They're refined, Malcolm.
03:48And it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if some of their manners rubbed off
03:52on you boys.
03:53I just don't think you guys would get along with them.
03:55Don't be silly.
03:56I think it's nice she's asking us out to dinner.
03:59It's been a long time since anyone invited us anywhere.
04:02I wonder why that is.
04:05I think I see some hungry seagulls!
04:08Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
04:24Cadets, as you know, I don't often reveal my personal side.
04:32but after 20 years of separation my mother has agreed to visit with me this weekend
04:42she is a very demanding woman and i haven't seen her for a long time i want things to go well
04:51that means i will have no time for antics shenanigans hooliganism or tomfoolery there
05:04will be no problems which take me away from time with mother this is important to me which makes it
05:15important to us so it is crystal clear i will not be disturbed this weekend yes sir
05:24as you were
05:26he sounds pretty serious yeah time you want to start the party
05:35what are you talking about didn't you hear what spangler just said all i heard was he's going to
05:41be too busy with his mother to pay us any attention what kind of party did you have in mind i don't
05:48know i'm sure i can come up with something that we'll all find amusing
05:51well howdy girl
06:21couldn't help but notice y'all hanging out here by the fence for the last six months
06:27would you like to come to a party tomorrow night
06:30wait you're gonna let us come inside
06:33oh well sure that'd be the neighborly thing to do
06:39i would kill or die to go to your party seriously kill or die
06:46well that's the spirit okay i'll take you and you and you and you wait a minute isn't this kind of degrading
06:58okay not you and you and you and you
07:03i want to eat that one and that one oh and those two
07:10isn't this nice no pirate themes no ball pits filled with screaming children
07:18hell look please wait to be seated look a dollar oh it's my
07:27damn i never fall for that amateur stuff
07:33no i am going to say this once and only once we are with respectable people tonight
07:41you are to be well-mannered and ex-civilized or so help me i'll wring your little necks you hear me
07:46okay here's the plan if we want to ditch out of this thing
07:53at the beginning i'll say that i think i might be coming down
07:56no i don't want to ditch out of this i'm looking forward to it
07:58the connarbans are nice people and they want to be friends with us
08:02so you're saying i'm on my own
08:05hi there hello abe how i i think i might be coming down with something
08:13sorry we're late some jackass parked in the handicapped space
08:18oh
08:20once you guys get seated and i i i gotta get something out of the car
08:28don't you think they're getting a little loud spanglers only two buildings
08:54holmberg
08:56uh ladies this is all great but if we could just take it down a teensy bit
09:14now remember no throwing ice no flicking butter at the ceiling no sticking
09:21gum under the table and no eating gum already stuck under the table
09:25keep your voices down
09:27you are warned
09:29you look very nice stevie
09:32ah great
09:35you spilled
09:37oh
09:39ow
09:41circle game
09:43i wanna
09:45play
09:47i don't know stevie
09:48it's it's it's pretty rough
09:50oh come on quit babying him
09:52if he wants to play let him play
09:54now remember stevie don't look at this
09:57uh or this
10:00he's
10:06good
10:08wow this is nice i've been looking forward to this for a long time
10:17i don't know why we didn't do this sooner
10:20do i feel flush
10:28no
10:28would anyone like a drink or you order
10:33oh yeah
10:34uh he'll have a diet soda
10:36and you sir
10:38hmm
10:39what the heck
10:40lemonade
10:42i'll have an iced tea
10:43sorry we're out
10:45oh uh well then i'll have a minute
10:48what's that guy having
10:50that's hot tea
10:53this is ridiculous
10:55you have tea you have ice
10:57make her some iced tea
10:59no no no that is fine i would love a hot tea
11:15wow
11:17this is really nice
11:24well i have to use the restroom
11:36i think i also need to
11:38use the restroom
11:44you've got to be quiet
11:56please
11:57you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel
12:10there we go francis
12:15hey i promised you girls
12:17not quality girls
12:19those gentlemen
12:28you've had enough experience with debacles to know when to cut your losses
12:32it's time to get spangled
12:34no
12:35come on we're not wusses
12:37we can handle this ourselves
12:39i want to put a stop to this right now
12:42all right girls
12:43help
12:46they saved my underpants
12:51nice
12:58one
13:02stevie quit the game
13:04you're just getting punched
13:06you haven't gotten this once
13:19oh yeah
13:21then how come
13:23you saw
13:25this
13:27damn
13:37i swear hell
13:38you said i feel flushed five seconds before i was about to
13:42oh yeah
13:45salute
13:49look at us though
13:51two grown men having to sneak off from their wives just to have a drink
13:55how sad
13:56no
13:57no
13:58it's really not like that with me and kitty
14:00sure i might let her think she's in charge but when it comes down to the important stuff
14:05daddy rules the roost
14:07oh hi kitty
14:08oh
14:09oh
14:11oh
14:12oh
14:13oh
14:14god
14:15ha ha ha ha ha ha
14:16yeah
14:17ha ha ha ha
14:18ha ha ha
14:19to big whip
14:20like butter my friend
14:22ha ha ha
14:23ha ha ha
14:24kid
14:25Where are those guys?
14:37Hal probably dragged Abe over to the bar.
14:39You know, if he's drunk, so help me.
14:41Oh, no, no, no, no, it's okay.
14:43Gives us a chance to talk.
14:49Here we are.
14:50Here, diet soda, lemonade, and cranberry juice.
14:59Cranberry juice?
15:00After all that static he gave you about ordering tea, he gives you cranberry juice?
15:04Excuse me?
15:05No, no, no, no, it's fine.
15:07Something wrong?
15:09Yes, my friend ordered tea, and you brought her cranberry juice.
15:14I don't think so.
15:15Instead of arguing with me, why don't you just march back to the kitchen and make it...
15:19No, no, no.
15:19I like cranberry juice.
15:22Very healthy for you.
15:26Hey, Reese, that's enough.
15:32This isn't funny anymore.
15:33Okay, okay.
15:35Man, look at your shoulders did to my knuckles.
15:42I'll get you when I come back.
15:44I even knew he was going to do that.
15:56She won't let me have butter on my bread.
16:00Butter?
16:00I haven't eaten the stuff in ten years.
16:05How did this happen?
16:08We weren't always this way.
16:11Actually, I was.
16:12I used to wash their hair on Saturday nights.
16:23Poor bastard.
16:24You never had a chance.
16:26Damn it.
16:26Enough is enough.
16:30You go, Abe.
16:50Go, go, go!
16:56Sir?
16:57Go away!
17:12I told you I did not want to be disturbed.
17:15My aunt and I are catching up.
17:17I thought you said it was your mother, sir.
17:24Go away!
17:26I wish I could, sir, but we have a bit of a situation.
17:30See, we decided to have this party and it kind of got out of hand.
17:34I don't care, Cadet.
17:35I will deal with it in the morning.
17:37Yeah, but...
17:38In the morning!
17:40It's just that we invited some of the local girls and...
17:43Local girls?
17:47There are local girls inside the perimeter.
17:51Have they killed anyone?
17:53No, sir.
17:53But I saw one of them eat a raw chicken hole.
17:56I swear...
17:57Just a minute.
17:58Mother.
17:59Mother.
18:00Do you have any idea what you have done?
18:04Marlin Academy cannot exist without the support, the goodwill, and cooperation of the local community.
18:11The police chief and the mayor both sit on our board of governors.
18:15The fire chief is a regent.
18:18And right now their psychotic offspring are in there tearing up the floorboards.
18:24Oh, God.
18:26It won't be long before they're in the airtime.
18:30What are we going to do, sir?
18:31We are going to do what any self-respecting member of society does in a situation like this.
18:37We're going to keep it quiet.
18:39But they're destroying the school.
18:40Let's hope that's all they do, Cadet.
18:43I'm afraid this is like an oil fire.
18:45We have to let it burn itself out.
18:48Oh, yeah.
18:48I forgot.
18:49One of them started an oil fire.
18:50So, did you see any good movies lately?
19:03Well, we just saw Les Amants de Pont-Nif.
19:05Did you see it?
19:08No.
19:08Last movie I saw was The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes on Cable.
19:16Oh, my God.
19:17Kurt Russell.
19:18Yes.
19:19Oh, I had such a crush on him in those Disney films.
19:22I did, too.
19:24Especially in Now You See It.
19:25Now you don't.
19:27Oh, God.
19:27Oh, he was so cute.
19:29Did you see The Strongest Man in the World?
19:31About 50 times.
19:32Oh, God.
19:33I just wanted to reach out and grab that tush.
19:37I am so terrible.
19:41Seriously, this has got to stop.
19:44I'm actually starting to feel bad.
19:47Plus, I'm kind of getting bored creatively.
19:51Oh, my God.
19:53Is that a snake?
19:54Stevie, don't.
19:56Sucker.
19:59Snake.
20:01I'm an idiot.
20:03Oh, I'm so glad we decided to have this dinner.
20:20So am I.
20:21I feel so much better now.
20:24Better?
20:25About you and your family.
20:28What?
20:29About Malcolm and Stevie.
20:31Because they spend so much time together.
20:33And now that we've gotten to know each other,
20:35I just feel better.
20:37Wait a minute.
20:39You mean this wasn't about you wanting to be friends?
20:42Yes, it was.
20:43No, it wasn't.
20:46You were checking us out.
20:48You wanted to see if we were good enough for your family.
20:50No, no, no, no.
20:51I wouldn't put it that way.
20:52I would?
20:54Because that's what you're doing.
20:56How dare you?
20:59You can't judge us.
21:01You know, you are not so perfect yourself, lady.
21:05Hell, you are one of the most uptight, repressed people I've ever met in my life.
21:11Did you know that Kurt Russell was the jungle boy on Gilligan's Island?
21:15Don't change the subject.
21:16We're having an argument here.
21:18I yell at you, you yell at me.
21:20That's what you do.
21:20What's wrong with you?
21:21And whatever you say is wrong with me is what's wrong with me.
21:25There, problem solved.
21:47Okay, that's just freaky.
21:49Hey, I'm getting good with my left.
21:53Thanks, Stevie.
21:56I give up.
21:59I'm going to the car.
22:13Way to go, Reese.
22:14Ah, jeez.
22:19Crying on a man got me a cable motor.
22:35You have a real problem.
22:37Have you never yelled at anyone in your entire life?
22:39I just don't see what it accomplishes.
22:42Are you kidding?
22:42Most of the time, if you're not yelling, they're not listening.
22:46Lois, our situation is difficult enough without me adding a bunch of negativity to it.
22:54What situation?
22:55You mean Stevie?
22:58He's fine.
23:00He's not going to wither away because you blow off steam every once in a while.
23:04Well, hey, why don't you give both of you a break?
23:12Go ahead.
23:13Hit me.
23:14Get it over with.
23:15Let me help you reap the whirlwind.
23:39Finally, justice.
23:41I mean, if he doesn't kill him.
23:49Stevie, what the hell do you think you're doing?
23:52You are in so much trouble.
23:53This behavior is totally unacceptable.
23:56We are at a restaurant.
23:57What is wrong with you?
24:00Don't you take that tone with me.
24:02You just wait till we get home.
24:04He bruised the bone.
24:06Oh, like you didn't deserve it.
24:08Good for you.
24:09I knew you had it in you.
24:10Shake a trap.
24:11Excuse me.
24:12Don't you mind please keeping it down.
24:14Would you mind going to hell?
24:16And I absolutely did order tea.
24:18How hard is it to remember a stupid drink order, you idiot?
24:22Kitty, there's going to be some tea.
24:24And you, Mr. Ho-Ho's in his sock drawer.
24:27Who do you think you're kidding?
24:28Honey, you have to pace yourself.
24:30And another thing, Don Juan.
24:32There are two people in that bed.
24:35Yeah, I really don't feel very good.
24:41And I had it with your poker nights and your idiot friends.
24:52I think this is where they nested.
24:56I'd say we got off lucky.
24:58This happened once before in 72.
25:01We had to bulldoze the amphitheater.
25:11It's Horton.
25:13Hey, Horton, you okay?
25:16What happened?
25:17I've seen things, Francis.
25:24Terrible things.
25:28And I think I'm engaged.
25:34Come on, Horton.
25:35Quickly, quickly.
25:36Those pants went out of time in the 80s, and they were ugly back then.
25:39Don't you give me that look.
25:41You got an eye problem?
25:42Whoa.
25:43Interesting dinner.
25:44Stevie beat the crap out of Reese.
25:46His dad got drunk, and his mom's gotten totally psycho.
25:52Oh, my God.
25:53We're contagious.
25:54Right there on a cocktail waitress.
25:57You're a treasure.
26:08Yes.
26:09Find each other, and you bitch.
26:09Have something come back.
26:10Oh, my God.
26:10Come back.
26:11Do it.
26:11All right.
26:12Take care.
26:12All right.
26:13Take care.
26:13Take care.
26:14Take care.
26:15Take care.
26:16Take care.
26:16Take care.
26:16Take care.
26:16Get care.
26:18All right.
26:18Te surtout.
26:18Keep care.
26:18Take care.
26:19Take care.
26:21Get care.
26:22See care.
26:23Leave.
26:23Let's get care.
26:24You're tremendous.
26:25Day.