Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 7 Robbery
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00:00Absolutely free, this beautiful, personal, bro.
00:05It's beautiful, but it's...
00:07It's my heart.
00:09I would like you to have a heart, but I have it.
00:12And I can't help you.
00:13I can't deny you to love you with my heart.
00:16You stupid.
00:18Bastard.
00:19Wow, you sure got up early.
00:32Yep, no rest for the weary.
00:34Wait a minute.
00:36Did you even come to bed last night?
00:39No, dear, I stayed up all night watching Mexican soap operas.
00:45Bye-bye.
00:49Yes, no, maybe.
00:53I don't know.
00:55Can you repeat the question?
00:59You're not the boss of me now.
01:02You're not the boss of me now.
01:05You're not the boss of me now.
01:07And you're not so big.
01:10You're not the boss of me now.
01:13You're not the boss of me now.
01:16You're not the boss of me now.
01:19When you're not so big, life is unfair.
01:31Hi Lois.
01:32Oh, hi Craig.
01:34Notice anything different about me?
01:38Nope.
01:39Just got her in today, Craig Feldspar, assistant manager.
01:44Congratulations, that's great!
01:47And along with the red badge, as you know, comes an extra 2% discount,
01:52which I'm more than willing to share with you Lois.
01:55Oh no, Craig, that's your discount.
01:57Really?
01:58I wouldn't feel right about jeopardizing your position by taking advantage of that.
02:01I just, I wouldn't feel right about it.
02:05But what good is all that power if I have no one to share it with?
02:09Teresa, would you mind checking out aisle four?
02:12I seem to have noticed someone knocked over the candy rack.
02:15And could you put the coffee toffees on a lower shelf?
02:18Okay.
02:21Did you see that?
02:22Did you see that resentment?
02:23Isn't it wonderful?
02:24Look at me.
02:25I'm shaking.
02:29This is my favorite part of the day.
02:31The twilight time between school ending and when your parents come home.
02:36The time when kids rule the earth.
02:45Okay, what was this?
02:47Uh, Superman.
02:49Oh, Superman.
02:56Boys, come quick.
02:57Something wonderful has happened.
03:01Huh?
03:03Isn't she beautiful?
03:05And to think someone was just throwing her out.
03:08She was under six bags of garbage, but oh, I knew your mother would love her.
03:11When does she get home?
03:12She's working till ten.
03:13Great!
03:14There's plenty of time to get her ready.
03:17Dad, it's junk.
03:19Reese, with a little paint and some new hardware, one man's junk is another man's anniversary present.
03:25Come on, help me get her inside.
03:30Come in.
03:31Look, you probably think I'm here to criticize you for not doing my homework yesterday.
03:39But let's not think about that.
03:41Let's think about tomorrow's assignment.
03:45So if you could give that to me by eight, that would be great.
03:50Or nine.
03:54Okay, what's wrong?
03:56Bye, Julie.
03:58She left me.
04:00What happened?
04:02I don't know.
04:04But it's really over.
04:07She sent back all of my love gifts.
04:13Wow, that's cold.
04:16Oh, come on.
04:17This guy's adorable.
04:19Press its belly.
04:21That's okay.
04:23Look, I've had a lot of experience with heartache and I'll tell you one thing.
04:27You gotta find a way to get your mind off it.
04:31Look, there's my homework.
04:33I don't know what I'm gonna do.
04:36She was my light.
04:38My life.
04:40And my world.
04:42She put out, huh?
04:44Like crazy.
04:45Can I help you?
04:46Give me your money.
04:48Oh, for crying out loud again.
04:49Just shut up and hand it off.
04:50Okay, just relax, cowboy.
04:51We have a way of doing this and nobody gets hurt.
04:53I give you every bit of money in this drawer and you and your friend just leave.
04:56Okay?
04:57Okay.
04:58Okay.
04:59Okay.
05:00See?
05:01Nobody gets hurt.
05:02Nobody gets caught.
05:03Everybody happy.
05:04Okay?
05:05Lois!
05:06I think Cheryl A flipped me off behind my back.
05:08Craig, I'm with some customers.
05:09Here you go.
05:10Bye now.
05:11Did you enjoy your Lucky Age shopping experience, gentlemen?
05:12Craig, they're in a hurry.
05:13This won't take a second.
05:14Hi, I'm Craig.
05:15I'm the assistant manager.
05:16Hi, I'm Craig.
05:17I'm the assistant manager.
05:18I'm the assistant manager.
05:19You're a assistant manager.
05:20You're a assistant manager.
05:21And you and your friend just leave.
05:22And you and your friend just leave.
05:23Okay?
05:24Okay.
05:25Okay.
05:27See?
05:28Nobody gets hurt.
05:29Nobody gets caught.
05:30Everybody happy.
05:32Okay?
05:33Lois!
05:34I think Cheryl A flipped me off behind my back.
05:36I am Craig, I'm the assistant manager.
05:38I can assure you if there's one thing we value here at Lucky 8, it is customer satisfaction.
05:42We're satisfied.
05:45But you don't sound like it.
05:47And please don't feel like you're going to hurt my feelings because I'm learning here.
05:51Now, I'm sure there's something I could do to make this a better experience for you.
05:56Yeah.
05:58How about you walk me to every other register in this place and give me every set you've got?
06:02That's a gun!
06:03Craig, calm down.
06:04Just everybody calm down.
06:07I've been through this five times.
06:09We just give them money from all the other registers and they'll leave.
06:13What about the safe?
06:15Safe?
06:17Tea.
06:18Safe tea of the customers.
06:22I'll lock the doors, you start rounding up the customers.
06:24What are you, nuts? We've got to get out of here.
06:26Come on, man, I'm tired of doing these dinky little hold-ups.
06:29Have you ever wanted to do something more important with your life?
06:31What do you mean, like go back to school?
06:34No, man.
06:36Like break it into a safe.
06:38Do you want to work at Orange Julius forever?
06:43All right!
06:45Everybody over to Sundry's!
06:48easy.
06:55Easy.
06:58Easy.
07:03Easy.
07:12Your mother's going to flip when she sees this.
07:15Well, that's just crazy.
07:23Why would someone fill this with hundreds of hanging black bow ties?
07:28Those aren't bow ties.
07:30Those are bats.
07:31Don't you worry, Lois.
07:49Everything is going to be fine.
07:51Just fine and dandy.
07:53Yeah, keep waving that thing around, buddy boy.
07:56You got a big surprise coming.
07:58Craig, that button has been disconnected for over a year.
08:02What?
08:03Why?
08:03Because you kept hitting the damn thing.
08:05In an emergency?
08:07Yes, that's what it's for.
08:08Oh, like an emergency when you saw a bee?
08:11Oh, when you saw the big fly that looked like a bee?
08:14How about when you thought you saw a ghost?
08:15I'm not saying it was or it wasn't, but you can't tell me what we saw was normal.
08:21All right, you two.
08:23Let's move it.
08:25He likes waving that around too much.
08:27This is going to end at body bags.
08:28No, Craig, it isn't.
08:31Lois, before we die, I have to tell you something.
08:37It's about how I feel.
08:39Craig, no.
08:40But Lois...
08:41Craig, no.
08:42This will all be over soon.
08:45How much?
08:48Well, can you guarantee that you'll get all of them?
08:54What?
08:55That's per bat!
08:57Are you insane?
09:00God!
09:01Well, it always looks like we're on our own.
09:03What are you talking about?
09:05Isn't anyone coming?
09:06I'm scared.
09:07Oh, I know, son.
09:09Well, just think of them this way.
09:11They're only rats with wings.
09:13And radar.
09:15Just flying rats with radar.
09:18Say it with me.
09:19Just flying rats with radar.
09:21One, say, do it.
09:22Flying rats with radar.
09:27Okay.
09:29It's important that everybody just stay calm.
09:32And don't make any sudden moves or they'll kill you.
09:36And don't look them in the eye or they'll kill you.
09:39And don't beg them not to kill you or they'll kill you.
09:43I need you to stop talking.
09:47You!
09:48Assistant manager!
09:49Come here!
09:50This is it.
09:52I didn't feed my cat.
09:55Isn't it funny the things that go through your mind before you die?
09:58Craig, they just want to talk to you.
10:00Lois, before we're all killed in a bloody mess, I have to tell you...
10:08Shh!
10:08Let's not think those negative thoughts.
10:11Let's just give them the money and get them out of here.
10:14Hey, is there any way we can speed this along?
10:16Yeah.
10:17Somebody can give us the accommodation to the safe.
10:20Fine.
10:21I can't, but the assistant manager can.
10:24Craig, give them the accommodation to the safe.
10:26No.
10:29What?
10:30You can't have it.
10:33Yes, they can.
10:34Craig, give them the combination.
10:37Let me talk to them.
10:42What's the combo?
10:43Oh, my God.
10:44Oh, my God.
10:45Oh, my God.
10:45Oh, my God.
10:45Oh, my God.
10:46Oh, my God.
10:47Oh, my God.
10:48Oh, my God.
10:54See?
10:54I told you I'd make it all better.
10:57Better?
10:58How could this possibly cheer me up?
11:01Watching a bunch of naked, middle-aged women degrade themselves
11:05in a place that smells like urine and cigarettes.
11:08When you put it that way, you can make anything sound terrible.
11:11Oh, my God.
11:14You know, sometimes you just make it so hard to be nice.
11:18Hey, you want to see the real show?
11:21In back?
11:22No.
11:23Yes.
11:24Yes, he does.
11:25Cost you 50.
11:26Look, I only have 20, so let's just get...
11:28Done.
11:28Let's get...
11:29All right.
11:30All right.
11:30All right.
11:30All right.
11:31All right.
11:31All right.
11:32All right.
11:32All right.
11:33All right.
11:33All right.
11:34All right.
11:34All right.
11:35All right.
11:35All right.
11:36All right.
11:36All right.
11:37All right.
11:37All right.
11:38All right.
11:38All right.
11:39All right.
11:39All right.
11:40All right.
11:40All right.
11:41All right.
11:41All right.
11:42All right.
11:42All right.
11:43All right.
11:43All right.
11:44All right.
11:45All right.
11:45All right.
11:46All right.
11:47All right.
11:47All right.
11:48All right.
11:49All right.
11:50All right.
11:51All right.
11:52All right.
11:53All right.
11:54All right.
11:55Hey, watch out!
12:25You idiots! It was just mom's bra!
12:37What? What is this? Kill it!
12:48Dewey, it's gone!
12:55You feeling better?
12:59Yeah, I think so, thanks.
13:01Good.
13:02Now tell me the damn combination!
13:04No!
13:07Can I talk to you for a second?
13:09Listen, fellas, I want to get this over with as much as you do.
13:19So why don't you give me five minutes with him?
13:22I guarantee you I will get that combination for you.
13:25Listen, Craig, I think these guys really mean business.
13:30Now you know and I know there is less than $700 in that safe.
13:34Do you really think the lives of seven employees is worth less than $700?
13:39Lois, this isn't just about the money.
13:41Sometimes a man has to have his dignity.
13:44So what if they kill me?
13:46But before they kill you, they are going to try to get that combination from you any way they can.
13:53Can you picture yourself with shattered eye sockets?
13:57Because that's where they are going to start.
14:00They can break every one of your fingers and toes.
14:03They can even cut a couple of them off.
14:05Did you see the buck knife in the big guy's boot?
14:09Do you really want to antagonize that big buck knife, Craig?
14:14Do you really want to feel it slicing into your flesh?
14:20Craig, stay with me.
14:22Stay.
14:25Damn.
14:30Pass the salt, please.
14:34How long do we have to stay in here?
14:36All the bats are gone.
14:38With every window and door wide open in this house, it's only a matter of time.
14:42Can't new ones just fly in?
14:45So, Dewey, how was school today?
14:49Mikey Duffy pushed me down.
14:51Did you push him back?
14:52No.
14:53He's bigger than me.
14:54Uh-huh.
14:55Reese?
14:56I'm on it.
15:00This is crazy!
15:01I can't eat!
15:03Why?
15:04Is something bothering you at school, son?
15:08No.
15:10Right.
15:12Anybody want my baked potato?
15:13It's kind of burnt.
15:14No, thanks.
15:17Reese, we aren't having baked potatoes.
15:19Mom!
15:21Mom!
15:23Stop!
15:25Mom!
15:26Mom!
15:27Mom!
15:28Mom!
15:29Mom!
15:30Mom!
15:32Mom!
15:34All right!
15:36That's it!
15:39Let's just move.
15:40Mom will find us somehow.
15:42No. I'm tired of running. I'm tired of screaming like a girl every five minutes.
15:51I will not be put out of my home by a bunch of airborne rodents, and neither will you.
15:58I may have been the one that brought them into this house, but it is up to all of us to show them the door.
16:07Get ready, boys. It's time to put out the bats.
16:12S-S-S-S-S-S!
16:42S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S
17:12Okay, this isn't exactly what we expected, but hey, now you can see you've been to a cockfight.
17:23Okay, Dewey, there's one bat left, and it's in your mother's room.
17:28Now, this one is the Tricky bat, the one who has eluded all the other traps.
17:33What was it you named him?
17:35Tricky.
17:36Right.
17:36Well, now we have a very good trap, but someone has to lure Tricky into it,
17:42and that someone is you.
17:45Why me?
17:46Because you have the shortest hair.
17:49You see, if he lands on your head, he'll just bite once and fly away,
17:53but if he lands on your brother's or my head, he'll get caught in our hair and bite us and bite us until we are dead.
18:00Do you understand that?
18:01Yes.
18:02Good.
18:02Now, I want you to go in that room and poke him with his stick until that bat chases you.
18:12Good luck.
18:12Good luck.
18:12Good luck.
18:12Good luck.
18:42Good luck.
19:11I don't know about you boys, but I am awfully darn proud of us.
19:24All right.
19:25Somebody get the dustpan.
19:36Lois, are you all right?
19:38No, I am not all right.
19:41I'm sitting here at gunpoint, and I wouldn't have to be if you'd stop being stupid and give them the combination.
19:47I told you, I can't do that.
19:48Craig, please.
19:50I'm frightened.
19:52I want to go home and be with my family.
19:55They never told me the combination.
19:58What did you just say?
20:01They never told me the combination.
20:03They said they couldn't trust me with it.
20:05They gave the combination to the guy who runs the photo lab next door.
20:08He comes in at night and transfers the money.
20:11Why didn't you just say this earlier?
20:14Oh, I don't know.
20:16I guess I wasn't in a big rush to let everybody know what a pathetic idiot I am.
20:24Oh, Craig, I'm so sorry.
20:26Lois, I love you.
20:27Lois, I love you with all my heart.
20:32You're my reason to get up in the morning.
20:34You are my everything.
20:36Craig.
20:36Lois, I don't want to feel this way.
20:39I know you're married.
20:40I know you have four beautiful boys.
20:42It's my heart.
20:43I wish I didn't have a heart.
20:47But I do.
20:49And I can't help loving you.
20:51I can't help loving you with my stupid, stupid heart.
20:57Oh, Craig.
21:00Why'd you have to say that?
21:02Dear, sweet Craig.
21:10I am truly sorry.
21:14I'm sorry for the way you feel.
21:16I'm sorry for any indication I ever gave you that I can see to you anything more than a friend.
21:23And I am so sorry for what I have to do now.
21:27Because now I have to crush whatever it is in you that made you do what you just did.
21:34I am going to have to hurt you very, very badly.
21:38But believe me, Craig, it's for your own good.
21:42Number one.
21:43No to everything you just said.
21:48No to what you're thinking.
21:50No to everything you dream.
21:53No to your what-ifs.
21:55No to every single fantasy, wish, dream, and elaborate scenario that involves the two of us.
22:01No, no, no.
22:07Number two.
22:10Ow!
22:11Remember that pain.
22:13And whenever a thought creeps into your head wondering if there's anything more to the hello I gave you in the morning,
22:19you remember that pain.
22:23You have no future with me.
22:25You have nothing with me.
22:30Sorry.
22:30Whoa, Chubbs.
22:40You got faced.
22:51You want this?
22:52You want this stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid safe?
23:00Here's your stupid safe!
23:07Cool.
23:08Craig, are you all right?
23:17I don't know.
23:19I heard something rip, and if it wasn't my pants, it was inside of me.
23:23See what I tell ya?
23:27Cockfighting is illegal.
23:30Well, if you made some good bets, what'd you win?
23:32Ten bucks?
23:33You should feel good about that.
23:35We are going to jail!
23:39When my parents find out, I'll be living in military institutions until I'm emancipated!
23:45You don't even realize how serious this is, do you?
23:52You know what the funny thing is, though?
23:55You didn't manage to put things in perspective.
23:58There are worse things than losing your girlfriend, and I've experienced every one of them tonight.
24:03Thank you, Francis.
24:05I really owe you one.
24:08You know, I think I'll be back in circulation in no time.
24:14You never know.
24:18Craig, our assistant manager just tossed the safe at them.
24:21I never saw anything like it.
24:23The guy's a hero.
24:24Did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world?
24:35And if you did, was she crying, crying?
24:45Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful girl
24:53that walked out on me?
24:58Tell her I'm sorry.
25:04Tell her I need my baby home.
25:10No, I'm sorry.
25:13Let's go.
25:18Oh!
25:20Oh!
25:21Sure worked.
25:22All right.
25:24How was your night?
25:26Good.
25:29Yours?
25:32Fine.
25:33Why is there an armhole in the living room?
25:39Happy anniversary.
26:03Happy anniversary.
26:33Happy anniversary.