Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 25 Flashback
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00:00You have to go down there again!
00:07No!
00:08Come on! You're the only one that'll fit!
00:10No! I always go get it and you never let me play!
00:15We'll let you play! We promise!
00:23Come on! Through here! We promise!
00:27No way!
00:29You promise!
00:30The first 50 times you got it, it was funny. Then it was just sad.
00:34It's not fair! It's my turn!
00:38No, it's funny again.
00:43Yes, no, maybe. I don't know. Can you repeat the question?
00:53You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. And you're not so big.
01:04Life is unfair.
01:05You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. And you're not so big.
01:16Life is unfair.
01:17Life is unfair.
01:18Life is unfair.
01:19Life is unfair.
01:20Life is unfair.
01:21Life is unfair.
01:23To be continued...
01:53All right. Who did what now?
02:00You did. I'm two weeks late.
02:05What? No.
02:07Yes.
02:08Wait. No. No, you can't be. You can't be. We've been very careful.
02:14How can you let this happen?
02:16How could I let this happen? You're kidding, right?
02:20I'm just saying you're the woman!
02:23What is that supposed to mean?
02:25You know that I can't be trusted with these things.
02:29I mean, you're the gatekeeper!
02:31That is the stupidest thing you have ever said!
02:35Not even close!
02:36How long does it take to get me a soda, Dewey?
02:39Mom and Dad are fighting.
02:41Really?
02:41Well, don't worry, Chief. Everything will be fine. Trust me.
02:48You know what will take your mind off it?
02:50Making me a sandwich.
02:53I'm sorry. It's just that this is upsetting.
02:56Well, it's upsetting for me, too!
02:58You cannot be pregnant!
03:01We're not ready for this.
03:02When have we ever been ready for this, Hal?
03:05Okay, go ahead.
03:14The blessed state of matrimony is a sacred place.
03:20Maybe we should get you to the hospital.
03:22No!
03:23I will not have our baby born out of wedlock!
03:27I don't understand why all of a sudden you're so hung up on this.
03:30Up until last week, a marriage certificate was just a piece of paper.
03:34I changed my mind and have made me the happiest man in the world.
03:48Welcome home, Francis!
03:51This place is beautiful.
03:53Oh, thanks. I can't take any credit for it.
03:55The decorator did everything.
03:57Let's see. Oh, look. Just keep the chain.
04:00One second. One second!
04:02And I forgot something.
04:05I am so rattled!
04:08Here, have a cigar.
04:10It's Cuban.
04:11Thanks.
04:12You're welcome.
04:15Wow!
04:19Hey, Mommy.
04:22Hal, we have a baby!
04:25Yes, we do.
04:26A baby.
04:38Fragile.
04:40Thoughtless.
04:41A little baby!
04:42He's beautiful.
04:43Oh, we're so lucky, aren't we, Hal?
04:45Huh? Yeah.
04:47Lucky.
04:47Oh, you think we're gonna be good parents?
04:49You kidding?
04:50The best!
04:51Do you think it's gonna change our relationship?
04:53Our what?
04:54No.
04:55No!
04:56Because we get along so well now, and everybody says the baby really changes things.
05:04Oh, well, I better feed him.
05:06Why?
05:08Frankly, I think he's getting kind of fat.
05:10Hal, the nurse said I should feed him every four hours.
05:13Yeah, well, did you get a look of the nurse?
05:15I mean, Hal, where is the baby?
05:20I don't know how to say this exactly, but I think the baby's in the closet!
05:30Here he is!
05:34Perfectly safe!
05:35You put the baby in the closet?
05:38You've left the milk out on the counter!
05:43Come here, friends.
05:51I'm never gonna let you out of my sight again.
05:56Hey, Mom, is it okay if I have the...
05:58Go away!
05:59All I'm saying is that you were the one who wore those jeans with that rip above the knee!
06:05Hal, if I got rid of everything that made you hot and bothered, I'd be running around with a handkerchief and a baseball cap!
06:12Stop it!
06:14What do you want from me?
06:15I'm only human!
06:16Oh, please!
06:18The minute you cross that threshold into the bedroom, you become more beast than man!
06:23Fine.
06:24Everything is my fault!
06:25Oh, great!
06:26Here come the waterworks!
06:32Stupid bug.
06:33What's wrong with Mom and Dad?
06:35Ah, just wait.
06:37In an hour, we'll be all lovey-dovey.
06:39It's disgusting.
06:43Stupid bug.
06:46Ow!
06:49You stupid!
06:50Ah!
06:51Ow!
06:52Ow!
06:53Ow!
06:55Ow!
06:55Ow!
06:57Ah, Reese, give it a rest!
07:00Okay, Francis is down for his nap.
07:03I emptied the dishwasher, put another load in the laundry.
07:07I didn't have time to scrape the pudding out of your hair dryer.
07:10Maybe tomorrow.
07:10Oh, I...
07:12Oh!
07:13Oh, hey, I...
07:16Ah!
07:17Oh!
07:19When will you be home?
07:20I don't know.
07:21Five, six, nine...
07:23Did you sing nine?
07:25Honey, I canceled another appointment to come home for lunch.
07:28I have to get caught up.
07:30Hell, this is ridiculous.
07:32You're working 14-hour days.
07:34This baby's trying to beat me to death from the inside, and Francis is out of control.
07:39Something has got to change.
07:41Okay, I'll talk to my boss.
07:43Yeah, you said that before.
07:44Well, yes, and then the Collins account was dumped into my lap.
07:48It wasn't a good time.
07:50Now is better.
07:51Okay?
07:52Love you.
07:53Marty, I have been the leader in sales for this company for five years running.
08:09No one has ever done that before.
08:12And all I'm asking is to cut back on my hours just a little tiny bit so I can help out at home.
08:18You have kids.
08:19You know how it is.
08:19Absolutely, Al.
08:22Don't worry.
08:23We'll find a way to make this work.
08:29Hey, Al.
08:31Here, Phil.
08:32Ow.
08:43And supplies.
08:47What?
08:49I trained that guy.
08:51I gave him half the names in his Rolodex.
08:53And you know what he said to me this morning?
08:56We need more toner.
08:58And he didn't even need toner.
09:01Ow!
09:02Oh!
09:04Another contraction?
09:05No!
09:05He's kicking me in between contractions.
09:08What the hell is with this kid?
09:10Well, are we having fun yet?
09:13Okay.
09:14Let's take a look in the oven.
09:16Ow!
09:17God!
09:18How far along am I?
09:20Because I swear to God he's biting my kidney.
09:23You're only two centimeters dilated.
09:25I think you've got four or five hours at least.
09:29No!
09:30Honey, the doctor's...
09:31No!
09:32He is coming out now.
09:33I have had it with this.
09:35You are coming out right now, mister!
09:40Drama team to ICU.
09:42Ah, ah, ah!
09:43What are you doing?
09:45It's not time to push.
09:47You're just going to prolong your labor.
09:50Oh, great.
09:51Make it a challenge.
09:54Lady, you're just going to tie yourself out.
09:56And when it comes time to really push, you're going to be exhausted.
10:01Look, all I'm saying is she can try to force this all she wants.
10:05It's just not going to...
10:06Oh, my God.
10:08Nice!
10:08Ah!
10:11Honey, honey, you're doing great.
10:12You're doing great.
10:13Just remember to breathe.
10:17God, do you think we're really ready for a second baby?
10:20We're going to have twice as many kids and half the money.
10:23What's it going to do to us?
10:26We'll find a way, you know.
10:29We love each other.
10:31We'll adjust.
10:32We'll make it work.
10:34We're just kids.
10:36There he comes.
10:38Ow!
10:40My God, he kicked me in the nose.
10:46He's fine.
10:49What took you so long?
10:59I couldn't very well go to the lucky aid where you were, now could I?
11:02What, so you drove clear across town?
11:04Yes, you want to go to the route I took so you can criticize that, too?
11:06Oh, dear.
11:08Who's in there?
11:09I'm busy.
11:12Backyard.
11:13Are you out of your mind?
11:14Let's go.
11:15I'll let you choose the most direct route.
11:22Are Mom and Dad getting a divorce?
11:24What are you talking about?
11:27They're really mad at each other.
11:31Don't worry about it.
11:32Everything will be fine.
11:34How do you know?
11:35Look, it used to scare me, too, but they just have a way of working things out.
11:40How?
11:40I don't know.
11:42They just do.
11:43But how?
11:45How do I say this so you don't understand?
11:48Shut up!
11:58Does Reese want the bear?
12:01Reese wants the bear.
12:04This place is so much smaller than the apartment.
12:07So you keep reminding me, what choice do we have, Lois?
12:11Yes, it is smaller and cheaper.
12:14An apartment was no place to raise children.
12:16There was nothing there but museums and nightclubs and trendy restaurants.
12:24Well, at least we'll have a yard to putter around in.
12:27I can't wait to get my hands on this lawn.
12:29Ow!
12:30Oh, okay, okay, boys.
12:32Enough playing.
12:33It's time for Reese's lessons.
12:36What'll it be today, son, huh?
12:39Russian literature?
12:40Or should we brush up on the circulatory system, hmm?
12:46Circulatory system it is!
12:48Ah, great.
12:51Just ignore the eight months pregnant woman carrying the boxes.
12:56Art of Mona Lisa was by Da Vinci.
12:59Science of the radio was built by Marco Ney.
13:02Math 9 is the product of three times three.
13:05Natural history, Darwin said we all come from monkeys.
13:10But not literally.
13:14How will you stop it?
13:16Lois, we have got to do this 35 minutes three times a day.
13:21All Reese does is sit there.
13:23He's a thinker, Lois.
13:26He's an intensely focused, peerless thinker.
13:30He's absorbing information.
13:32Studies show that developing young minds absorb information at a phenomenal rate.
13:37Hal, he's two years old.
13:38He calls you phone.
13:40I don't know who you think this is helping, but it's not Reese.
13:46Oh, my God.
13:49He just hit my trigermental nerve.
13:52We've been working on the nervous system all morning.
13:55Oh, hell.
13:55Will you come down to reality long enough to help me unpack?
14:01Lois, did it ever cross your mind that it might be nice to support what I am doing here?
14:07You know, that's a good question.
14:09What are you doing here?
14:11Because I'll tell you what you're not doing, and that's helping.
14:14You know, I think...
14:15...that I should go for a drive before I say something I'll regret.
14:28So, bye-bye.
14:30No.
14:32Honey.
14:34Oh, sweetheart, it's okay.
14:37Mommy and Daddy are just having a tough time.
14:40For the last few months.
14:43But don't worry...
14:44Oh!
14:46Oh.
14:47Oh.
14:49Oh, oh, no.
14:51Oh, no, not now.
14:55Hal!
14:58Okay, we're going on a little drive.
15:00Daddy will figure out where we are eventually, and we'll all be together at the hospital.
15:05I don't need to go to the hospital.
15:07No, honey, it's for me.
15:08You're lying.
15:09You want to give me a shot.
15:11No, honey, that was last time, and I already apologized.
15:14I'll get in the car!
15:16Mommy's a liar.
15:19Mommy's a liar.
15:26Francis, unlock the door.
15:30Unlock the door right now!
15:32You're a liar!
15:33You stay out!
15:35Francis, please, let me ask you to go to the hospital.
15:37Say you're sorry!
15:40Open the door!
15:41Say you're poopy!
15:44I will not say I'm poopy!
15:46Open that door!
15:50I'm having a baby!
15:53Congratulations!
15:54What's going on?
16:11Your wife just gave birth on your front lawn.
16:13Oh!
16:14Congratulations, I guess.
16:16Oh, my lord!
16:18Oh!
16:18Look at me!
16:19Oh, yeah, that was...
16:20I, I...
16:21Why are you so...
16:24They're...
16:25They're...
16:26What's the rest of my slurpee?
16:29Leave me alone, Hal.
16:33Need any help?
16:35Leave me alone, Hal.
16:37Take this.
16:39Couldn't spring for the one-minute test.
16:41This one takes five.
16:42Four more minutes we get to spend together, dear.
16:44Don't take that tone with me.
16:46I'm sorry.
16:47This is the only tone I have.
16:49It's my I'm panicking about our future tone.
16:52How can we afford this?
16:54Have you even thought about that?
16:56Whoa, I've just been enjoying peeing in the yard so much,
16:59I haven't thought about anything.
17:01Another snappy comeback.
17:02That's very helpful.
17:04I'm not being helpful.
17:06Let me give it to you straight, Hal.
17:08Why don't you take that stick and shove it up your...
17:10Please, please, just sit here for five minutes, please.
17:22I'm begging you.
17:23Here, play with this.
17:28Malcolm, would you please pick up your stuff?
17:32And what is a four-year-old playing with a microscope for anyway?
17:36I see you still haven't moved the microwave.
17:38As I have pointed out to you several times,
17:41this is the only socket in the kitchen that works.
17:44Perhaps we could afford the extravagance of an extension cord.
17:48Oh, we have extension cords,
17:50but they're all being used right now
17:51to power the space heater in the bedroom
17:53because somebody gets chills.
17:56Well, perhaps you'd like to share your bed
17:57with someone who doesn't get chills.
17:59Hi, Lois.
18:08What did he do this time?
18:10He took a joyride in a street cleaner.
18:13Get in here.
18:14Francis, here's the summons.
18:17Your juvenile court date's on the 12th,
18:19and, well, you know the drill.
18:21Thank you, officer.
18:22Sir.
18:22They caught you on a street cleaner.
18:29What were you thinking?
18:31That it went faster.
18:33Go to your room.
18:35Are you happy now?
18:36Me?
18:37How is this my fault?
18:39You are always regaling him
18:40with tales of your wild youth.
18:42Those are cautionary tales.
18:45Cautionary tales do not end with
18:47it was so cool.
18:49Mom, I think I broke my chemistry set.
18:52In a second, Malcolm.
18:53All right, do me a favor, Lois.
18:55Make me a list of pre-approved childhood memories
18:58so I know what I can and what I can't
19:01share with the boys.
19:05For God's sake, hold still.
19:08Hell, that's not going to work.
19:09Just drive him to the emergency room.
19:11We do not need to go to the emergency room.
19:14Mom.
19:15Mom, you're forcing it further in his mouth
19:17and he's going to choke to death.
19:19For once, will you stop telling me
19:22how wrong I am?
19:24And will you stop telling me what to do?
19:29What the?
19:30I tried to make invisible ink,
19:33but I think I made glowing gas.
19:35Come on, everybody out.
19:37Out, out, out, out.
19:38Now, come on, out.
19:39Go.
19:39Go.
19:39We're out here?
19:47Okay, good.
19:49We're fine.
19:50We'll just let the house air out.
19:55Yay!
19:56Yay!
19:58Oh.
19:59Okay, let's hear it.
20:07This has got to be my fault somehow.
20:11So go ahead.
20:12Say it.
20:13Come on.
20:15I'm the cause of all that is bad in the universe.
20:19Everything that I touch turns to crap.
20:22And now, I bring you rain.
20:29Oh, you'll feel better once you get it out in the open, Lois.
20:33Come on.
20:34I'm having the baby.
20:44Oh.
20:46Well, that's good.
20:50Because the car keys are inside the house.
20:54So I can either suffocate by going back in there to get them,
20:58or you can have another baby out here on the lawn.
21:02Try the azaleas.
21:03Maybe they'll fight me through.
21:05Oh.
21:06Oh.
21:08I'm fighting.
21:10I'm fighting.
21:13I hate you.
21:14Ow.
21:17I hate you.
21:20Oh.
21:22We can't do this.
21:26We are not having a baby with us like this.
21:29We have to figure out a way to fix this.
21:34Well, I guess I can get a night job and...
21:37No.
21:37We have to figure out a way to fix us.
21:41And I don't mean just now,
21:43because we're always going to have hard times.
21:46We have to figure out a way to get through this without us killing each other.
21:50Well, I'm open to suggestions.
21:57Okay.
21:58Here's what we're going to do.
22:00You're going to tell me three...
22:02No, five...
22:03No.
22:03Seven.
22:04I want you to tell me seven things you love about me.
22:11Seven reasons why this is all worthwhile.
22:15Seven reasons why we're still here.
22:20Seven.
22:21Seven.
22:22And I have to believe every one of them.
22:24And you have to say them all right now.
22:26Seven.
22:27Oh, just please.
22:28Oh, God.
22:29Okay, okay, okay.
22:30Okay, okay, okay.
22:30Okay, okay, okay.
22:33I...
22:34I love how your neck smells in the morning.
22:40Okay.
22:41That's one.
22:42Okay.
22:42I love how every one of your toes looks like it came from another person's foot.
22:51Oh, God.
22:53And I love how you're honest and fearless.
22:58And how when I'm sick, you treat me like a baby.
23:02Okay, that last one counts for two.
23:07You've got three more to go.
23:08Okay.
23:13I can tell you that I just adore this.
23:18What?
23:19The way your forehead gets all crinkly when you're worried.
23:23I love the way you cut your crust off your toast, even though you end up eating both anyway.
23:29I love your loyalty and your kindness and that you still suck in your gut whenever I walk
23:38into the room.
23:40I love how you didn't dump me when you found out that I was in love with you.
23:44I love that you still married me even after you met my parents.
23:49And I love that nothing in my life, not cribbage with my dad, not a new Van Halen album, well,
24:03not even an old Van Halen album for that matter, or any of their solo albums.
24:08No, no, no.
24:09I love that nothing in my life is complete until I've shared it with you.
24:15I love how you send the boys to their room just so we can have some alone time.
24:41Oh, I just love you.
24:51It's my sandwich.
24:52You know, I wouldn't give up a single one of them.
25:13They're our boys.
25:14No one else can say that.
25:15They're our boys.
25:21Negative.
25:22Oh, that worry for nothing.
25:26That girl would have been nice, though.
25:28Are you kidding?
25:29We've got you outnumbered five to one now, and we're still losing.
25:32Mm-hmm.
25:33Boys!
25:33Go to your room!
25:36Boys! Go to your room!
26:06Go to your room!
26:36Go to your room!