Frasier Season 8 Episode 21+E22 Semi Decent Proposal + A Passing Fancy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00You sure Daphne will like this one?
00:02It's perfect, Nas. Look, it even says on the box, for the perfect DVD viewing experience.
00:09What do you suppose multi-angle capability means?
00:13It means that the remote control will respond from any angle.
00:19Not to intrude, but actually it means you can see a scene from different camera angles.
00:24Oh, thank you.
00:26Oh, I was just teasing him. You see, my brother's technologically challenged.
00:33If you're new to DVD, you might want to rent the director's cut of Dust Boat.
00:39It's amazing. I mean, if you don't mind subtitles.
00:44Mind them? I prefer them.
00:49In fact, I do speak a bit of German, so in this case there might actually be a distraction.
00:55Really? I speak German, too.
00:59You know, if anyone's technologically challenged, it's you.
01:14You thought your CD-ROM drive was a cup holder.
01:18Thanks a lot. I was interested in her.
01:21How was I supposed to know?
01:23I was speaking German.
01:25Oh, yes. The language of love.
01:33Oh, dear. It's Lana.
01:35Where? Where? Oh, my God. No, no. Just turn around. Turn around.
01:38I don't know why the woman frightens me.
01:41Well, she should frighten you. She's your wife.
01:44The woman frightens me.
01:46Well, she should frighten you. She was prom queen.
01:51Hi. Sorry. It took me forever to find a parking spot.
01:55Thanks.
01:58Frasier?
02:01Lana. Look, Niles. It's Lana.
02:05Hi, Lana.
02:09Hi. Oh, this is my friend, Claire French.
02:12Dr. Crane is Brother Niles. We've known each other since high school.
02:15Yes, we've already met.
02:17Couldn't talk, Claire.
02:20I knew I recognized your voice. You're on the radio.
02:23Yes. Yes. Well, I'm flattered that you've listened.
02:26You should have seen him in high school.
02:28Do you remember when you petitioned the school to have interpretive dance added to gym class?
02:36Oh, is that a CD organizer? I'll be right back.
02:39Oh, I need one of those myself. Excuse me.
02:43So, Niles. How's things?
02:51Things are good.
02:54Are you married now?
02:55No. I was. But I'm not now.
03:00But I'm going with someone.
03:05Next.
03:07Oh, yes. I need to return this.
03:11Oh, it's scratched. It was like that when I bought it.
03:16You know, I'm not much of a faux walnut grain enthusiast.
03:23Frasier, I wanted to ask you something.
03:27Saturday night, are you free?
03:31Only with a coupon.
03:36What did you have in mind?
03:38Well, a bunch of us are throwing a surprise party for Lana.
03:42I was wondering if you could bring her.
03:44Well, I'm not sure I'm the right person for this.
03:47You see, last year, Lana and I dated for a brief period.
03:51And, well, things just didn't work out.
03:55I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not that she isn't a lovely person.
03:58I don't give a rat's ass about your policy.
04:01Get me a manager.
04:04Perhaps you could ask someone else.
04:06Come on, just ask her out as a friend.
04:08Once you're there, you can leave.
04:11Or stay.
04:12Are you calling me a liar?
04:14Don't buy anything here! The service sucks!
04:23Well, it is her birthday.
04:32Red wire, red wire, where do you go?
04:36Oh, there we are.
04:43Ah, maybe the red wire's extra.
04:46Miles, hand me that yellow one, will you?
04:49Ooh, what's the matter?
04:52Oh, Daphne punched me in her sleep last night.
04:56Honestly, she is the most aggressive sleeper I have ever known.
05:00Wow, you being a psychiatrist,
05:02you probably think she's acting out some form of repressed hostility towards you, huh?
05:07That was the furthest thing from my mind.
05:12Till now.
05:15Oh, don't worry about it.
05:16Sounds to me like you guys are still finding your sleeping groove.
05:19Sleeping groove?
05:21Yeah, the first six months your mother and I were together,
05:24we were like Dempsey and Tunney.
05:28You see, Dempsey and Tunney.
05:30Oh, Dad, please, I know a little something about vaudeville.
05:36I've got our movie.
05:39Oh, knock it off. I told you I was sorry.
05:42It's all right.
05:44Who framed Roger Rabbit?
05:46Yeah, it's got everything. Action, romance and humour.
05:50I mean, who's funnier than Roger Rabbit?
05:53No one.
05:54Exactly.
05:57Well, I'm off to pick up Lana.
05:59You're oddly chipper about it.
06:01Well, of course I am, Naz.
06:03The sooner I deliver her to the surprise party,
06:05the sooner I can cast my net of romance over a butterfly named Claire.
06:13And I've got a good feeling about this one.
06:15Miss Frazier, you always have a good feeling.
06:17You think it's going to be perfect,
06:18and then when she turns out not to be the Kierkegaard-reading, soufflé-baking, haiku-writing cellist,
06:26you're disappointed. You have to learn to settle.
06:30What does that mean?
06:37Have fun, Nile.
06:39Oh, hi.
06:40Rose, hi.
06:41Where are you going?
06:42Oh, just to a little party.
06:43Have a good time.
06:44All right.
06:45Hey, everybody. Am I too late?
06:47No, you're perfect. We're all hooked up and ready to go.
06:50Great. I brought Caddyshack.
06:56Who's funnier than that gopher?
06:58Roger Rabbit.
06:59Hey, what about my movie, The Longest Day? It's got D-Day and the Duke.
07:03Whoa, that is an embarrassment of riches.
07:07Each movie more appealing than the last.
07:10Well, perhaps there's a happy compromise in the unbearable lightness of beer.
07:17Well, that would be a happy compromise, except for one thing.
07:21Boring!
07:27I think we should use the manual.
07:29I don't need a manual. I need a pair of wire strippers, a hammer, and a beer.
07:35All right, well, while he's doing that, I just have to pose the question,
07:38who's funnier than Daniel Day-Lewis?
07:54You look lovely tonight.
07:56Thank you. You look nice, too.
07:59Look, I'm going to be real direct.
08:01We're just two good friends going out for dinner, okay?
08:06Of course.
08:08I only say that because you went a little heavy on the cologne,
08:11and I don't want you to have any expectations.
08:15Oh, I have nothing of the sort.
08:19And by the way, it's scented soup.
08:23I mean, I only accept it because it really sounded like you could use a night out.
08:28But I don't want some awkward scene where you try to get in my pants.
08:35I can assure you there will be no such scene.
08:37Right.
08:39Unless, of course, I have too much to drink, and I change my mind!
08:44So, how are those kids of yours doing?
08:47Oh, my youngest is good. He's in the ninth grade.
08:52But Kirby, if he doesn't pass U.S. History, he's not going to graduate.
08:56Well, have you considered getting a tutor?
08:59That's a good idea.
09:03I mean, I guess I could.
09:05I mean, I guess I could.
09:09I mean, I guess I could.
09:11That's a good idea.
09:13You used to do that sort of thing in high school, didn't you?
09:16Well, yes, yes, I did.
09:19And I would do it for Kirby in a heartbeat.
09:22It's just that I'm asked a lot, and if I helped him,
09:25well, then I'd have to do it for everyone, and I'd hate to open those floodgates.
09:29You understand.
09:30Yeah.
09:32I mean, my ex is the one I should be asking, but that would be a waste of time.
09:37He doesn't help out with the kids?
09:40No, the only kid he has time for is Kathy, his 22-year-old receptionist.
09:45It's sickening.
09:50Do you mind if I smoke?
09:51Well, actually, I...
09:52I'll just crack a window.
10:02You know, I'm glad you asked me out tonight.
10:05Tomorrow is my birthday.
10:07Really?
10:08Yeah.
10:09Well, happy birthday.
10:12Hardly.
10:14That's the day Bob and Kathy have chosen to get married.
10:18In Tahiti.
10:21It's my birthday.
10:29It's all right.
10:31That's good. Tonight will get my mind off of it.
10:34Just promise me that I won't even hear the word birthday for the rest of the night, okay?
10:42Are you sure?
10:44I mean, maybe a big celebration would be the best revenge.
10:51What am I celebrating?
10:53The fact that I'm becoming an old trot and no one's ever going to love me again?
11:01God!
11:02Shut up.
11:12Aren't we going to Bella Lucia?
11:14Well, actually, I know this little Thai place that I think will be better.
11:19Well, were you even going to ask me? I hate Thai food.
11:23Typical man. I like Thai food, so she must like Thai food.
11:27All right.
11:29All right.
11:31Bella Lucia it is.
11:33I'm sorry. I'm being snappy.
11:37It's just...
11:39I...
11:41I guess I just always thought that I'd be the one who got remarried first, you know?
11:47And everybody's just going to feel sorry for me.
11:51God, I hope I don't run into anybody I know tonight.
11:57And...
11:59You're not a typical man.
12:04You're very thoughtful.
12:06You forgive me?
12:11Yes, I'm afraid I do.
12:14Oh, God.
12:17You know, I do know another little Italian place that I think you might really enjoy just as much.
12:25What do you say?
12:27Great. Sounds great.
12:29Okay.
12:31You know, it's funny. As much as I hate the thought of my birthday,
12:35I'm going to hurt that none of my friends asked me to do anything.
12:38I mean, it's not like I wanted a party, but something would have been nice.
12:45Okay, okay, Frazier, you know what?
12:47Just because I'm vulnerable doesn't mean you're getting some.
12:50No, listen.
12:52Fifty of your friends are sitting in Bella Lucia right now
12:56wearing party hats and waiting to yell surprise.
12:59Do you want to go or not?
13:03My friends are throwing me a surprise party?
13:07That's right.
13:09My friends are throwing me a surprise party?
13:12That's right.
13:15And you tell me and ruin it?
13:30Surprise!
13:32Oh, my God! I'm in love with you!
13:36You did this!
13:40Oh, Frazier!
13:43You tricked me, you awful thing!
13:48It wasn't easy, you nightmarish carp!
13:57Debbie! Oh, hi, Bruce!
14:00Hi, I am so thrilled you all came here for this.
14:05I thought a lot of you would have flown to Tahiti for the wedding of Dumbo and Bimbo.
14:14Thanks for getting her here.
14:17How did you manage to keep it a secret?
14:20Well, as a psychiatrist,
14:24discretion happens to be the cornerstone of my profession.
14:29Of course, mine too. I'm a family therapist.
14:34Really?
14:36You know, I sensed we'd have a lot in common here.
14:39You know, it's funny how things turn out.
14:42I started out as a music major studying cello.
14:50You're a cellist?
14:52Yes, but psychology is my true calling.
14:57Spawning fish may leap upstream for many seasons, yet come home to stay.
15:06Was that a haiku?
15:08Yes.
15:11It's a habit of mine. They just sort of spill out of me.
15:17That's amazing. May I get you a drink?
15:22Yes, a martini.
15:25Two olives.
15:27I knew it.
15:32Kierkegaard.
15:34Love him.
15:37Don't move.
15:42Claire, what are you doing standing here alone?
15:45I want you to meet Neil, that guy I told you about.
15:59All right, what's it say now?
16:01Alternatively, see Appendix C, Advanced Troubleshooting Specifications and You.
16:08That's it. I quit.
16:12Well, what do you want to do?
16:15Well, I went to a party once where we each went around the room and confessed our most shameful secret.
16:23Except it had to be something that you'd never told anyone before.
16:27Oh, I don't think that's something we really want to get into.
16:33Nah, sounds like fun.
16:35Okay, I'll go first.
16:39Oh, let's see. All right, well, Daphne, you might as well make your acquaintance with my dark side.
16:47In fifth grade, there was a bully, Jack Winfield.
16:53And he was bothering a lot of the girls, so one day I waited for him outside of school and gave him a sound thumping.
17:06Wasn't that the kid with Ricketts?
17:11Ricketts and a smart mouth.
17:16Daphne, you go next. And think of something juicier than that.
17:21Oh, well, um, mine's also a youthful indiscretion.
17:29I stole a teddy bear from the shops.
17:32Then what?
17:34Well, I felt guilty, so I told my parents and we brought it back.
17:40Then as a penance, I volunteered to work at the orphanage after school.
17:53What the hell was that? I put that story on my resume.
17:59Come on, Martin, you've got to have something. Shock me.
18:02Oh, I don't know. It's kind of personal.
18:05That's what we're looking for.
18:08Well, all right, but it doesn't leave this room.
18:15Every time I watch The Sound of Music, I cry.
18:24And I don't mean a single manly tear, I mean real blubbering, girl style.
18:33The nuns, those kids, lonely goat herd.
18:44These are your deep, dark secrets? This is baby stuff.
18:48Ooh, I dropped my ice cream and I ate it.
18:51Okay, let's hear yours then.
18:53Oh, you can't handle mine. Let's play glue or something.
18:57We can take anything you can dish out.
19:00I was in the war, I was a cop, I even worked vice.
19:04I don't think so.
19:05Well, come on, I'll tell you what.
19:07Whisper it in my ear, and if I think I can handle it, I'll tell them.
19:12Okay.
19:28What the fuck?
19:49Where was Kathy when I was busting my ass putting him through dental school?
19:54Oh, oh, that's right. She wasn't born yet!
20:01Who wants more cake?
20:02Not me, but I'll go with you.
20:06Here we are.
20:08This is one of my favorites.
20:11That's so sweet of you, but Neil just brought me a glass.
20:15Ah, Opus One.
20:17Oh, well, Opus One, that's a delightful little wine, yes.
20:22It's very nice, but this happens to be a Barbaresco Gaia.
20:27The greatest Italian red since Roberto Rossellini.
20:37Well, uh...
20:48Mmm.
20:52They both taste wonderful. I don't... I can't choose between them.
20:58Taste mine again.
21:02You know, if you're really interested in wine, you should let me fly you down to Napa in my plane.
21:07We could spend the day exploring the vineyards.
21:09Oh, that's very sweet, but those little planes make me nervous.
21:13Really? Well, how do you feel about BMWs?
21:19You see, I happen to know several of the proprietors of the local vineyards here,
21:24and I'd be delighted to be your tour guide.
21:27That sounds tempting.
21:29Well, allow me to enchant you further. You see, I...
21:37Claire, I'm sorry. You'll have to excuse me for just a moment.
21:42Hi. How you doing?
21:46Everybody's leaving.
21:49Well, it's getting late.
21:51It's 9.30.
21:55Let's face it, I drove them all off.
21:58I mean, even I'm sick of hearing me complain about Bob.
22:02Well, come on. It's not a lot.
22:05I mean, even I'm sick of hearing me complain about Bob.
22:09Well, come on. It's not all that bad.
22:12I mean, listen, you know, Bob is in the past,
22:16and just look at all the friends you have.
22:20I know you've had a bit of a tough time lately, but that'll end soon.
22:27You're a vibrant, attractive woman.
22:32Thanks, Frasier.
22:36You're being awfully sweet to me.
22:40Don't think this means you're getting any.
22:46We're saying our goodbyes.
22:48Oh, you're leaving.
22:50I have an early appointment, and Neil offered to give me a ride home.
22:55Well, how thoughtful of him.
22:59Happy birthday, Lana.
23:01Oh, my darling.
23:05It's nice to see you again, Frasier.
23:08Lovely seeing you again, Claire.
23:11Neil.
23:24Threw a gutter ball, huh?
23:28Thanks to you. You introduced them.
23:31You played it all wrong. You were hanging on her all night.
23:35So was he, but he left with her.
23:37He won't last. She's very sick of him already.
23:40A lot of good that does me. I blew it.
23:44Not necessarily.
23:46I mean, I think you guys could make a great couple.
23:50In fact, I might be able to help you out there.
23:53Really? Would you?
23:57Well, I could, but...
23:59You know, I get asked that all the time,
24:01and if I did it for you, I'd have to do it for everybody,
24:05and I just don't know if I want to open those floodgates.
24:10You know what I mean?
24:14I think I do.
24:17Kirby needs a passing grade in history.
24:19I can't guarantee that.
24:21No passing grade, no Claire.
24:23Oh, and an hour on Tuesdays.
24:25Two hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
24:27Two hours on Tuesdays, no Thursday.
24:29Three on Tuesdays.
24:30Done. Happy birthday.
24:36Well, you are a very lucky young man, Kirby.
24:41You know, I loved studying U.S. history.
24:45What can be more fascinating than the rich and unfolding epic
24:50of the very soil on which we live?
24:56Um, will that question be on the test?
25:04Doubtful.
25:06So, which chapter are you on?
25:10Whoa. Is that my book?
25:15I see.
25:17Chapter one.
25:21You may want to take some notes.
25:24I don't have a pen.
25:26But just tell me, I'll remember it.
25:29Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's gotten you far.
25:33Get off your ass and get a pen!
25:37Now, not you, not you, not you!
26:24LAUGHTER
26:42LAUGHTER
26:54LAUGHTER
27:11LAUGHTER
27:14LAUGHTER
27:20All right, Kirby, we've got a few minutes before your mother gets here.
27:24One last question.
27:27In our studies this week,
27:29what did we learn about William Henry Harrison?
27:35Well, I guess I would say
27:39that this week we learned
27:42that William Henry Harrison was a great man
27:47who was important because he was...
27:54President?
27:55No.
27:56Yes.
27:58Yes.
27:59Good. Good.
28:00And which president was he?
28:02Of the United States.
28:06I mean, which number?
28:09All right, here's a hint.
28:11He was elected in 1840.
28:16Eighteen.
28:17No.
28:19Fortieth?
28:20Kirby.
28:22Did you do any reading this week?
28:25Sort of.
28:26What does sort of mean?
28:28Know.
28:29Right.
28:31Why not?
28:33Because it's a bunch of junk I'm never going to need to know.
28:36Yes, Kirby, this junk, as you call it,
28:38may seem unimportant to you now,
28:40but knowing something about where we came from
28:42may help you to decide where you wish to go.
28:45Now, let's start learning about history,
28:49lest you be condemned to repeat it.
28:53Start reading.
28:55Continue until your mother gets here.
28:59Hi, Dad.
29:00Hey, Frasier.
29:01You know that guy Roger on 14 has that little Scottish terrier?
29:06Macduff?
29:07Right.
29:09Now, Roger's invited all these dogs from the park
29:13to Macduff's birthday party.
29:16Except Eddie.
29:17Thank God.
29:19Have you ever heard of anything more ridiculous?
29:21I see.
29:22And putting a hat on Eddie for every major holiday,
29:24that's normal?
29:25What?
29:27It's not every holiday.
29:29Oh, Dad, please.
29:30He's got a Santa cap for Christmas.
29:31He's got a top hat for New Year's Eve.
29:34He's got a Tam O'Shanta for St. Patrick's Day.
29:37Well, they're just hats.
29:39I mean, it's not a whole party.
29:41I mean, a dog doesn't know his birthday
29:43any more than he knows Friday or Saturday or...
29:46Or Cinco de Mayo.
29:49That sombrero was a gift.
29:54Keep reading.
29:57That's nice of you helping the kid out.
29:59Yeah, well, truth be told, Dad,
30:01I'm actually...
30:04I've made a little agreement with Lon,
30:07and you see, if I help Kirby get a passing grade,
30:10Lon will set me up with one of her girlfriends, Claire.
30:13Oh.
30:14I remember when you used to tutor kids
30:16so they wouldn't beat you up.
30:18So I guess this is progress, huh?
30:24That'll be your mother.
30:27Hi, Lon.
30:28Hi.
30:29You guys have a good study session today?
30:31Primo.
30:32Oh, yes, we're making excellent progress.
30:34Really?
30:36So, what'd you learn today?
30:38Um...
30:40Well, today I learned about William Henry Harrison,
30:44who was our...
30:46ninth president.
30:49I mean tenth.
30:51I mean ninth.
30:53Good, not bad.
30:55So you're one step closer
30:56to getting your prom privileges back.
30:58Mom, I told you, I'm not going.
31:00Why not?
31:01Because you and Christy broke up?
31:03Thanks for spreading that around, Mom.
31:05Oh, Frazier doesn't care.
31:07He went to the prom with his brother.
31:10Thanks for spreading that around.
31:13Kirby, listen,
31:14can I have a word alone with your mother, please?
31:16Sure.
31:17Here, sit in the car.
31:18Listen to the radio.
31:20But don't change my presets again.
31:23When you're in my car,
31:24it's light hits or nothing!
31:31What'd you want to talk about?
31:32Well, actually, I was wondering
31:33if you'd had a chance to speak with Claire yet.
31:35I mean, seeing as how Kirby
31:36may be getting a passing grade.
31:38Yeah, well, actually, I saw Claire yesterday.
31:40Oh, you did?
31:41Oh, that's wonderful news, isn't it?
31:42I've been thinking about our first date.
31:43I thought perhaps tapas.
31:45Now, I know that sounds a little whimsical,
31:47but hear me out.
31:48Frazier, Frazier, look,
31:49all I did was mention that you were tutoring Kirby.
31:52But she was very impressed.
31:54But you're supposed to set us up.
31:56We have a deal.
31:57I'm phasing you in slowly.
31:59Look, she just broke up with Neil
32:01because he was rushing things.
32:03Trust me, if you don't time this right,
32:05you're gonna blow it.
32:06All right, all right.
32:07There's no need to explain to me.
32:09If anyone understands the value of restraint
32:11and taking things slowly,
32:13it is yours truly.
32:15Frazier, I'm sorry.
32:17Frazier, uh, as I recall,
32:19on our first date,
32:20you got me up to your apartment
32:21on false pretense,
32:22since you plied me with wine,
32:25got me into bed,
32:26and then tried to wheeze
32:27a lot of ever seeing me again.
32:33I think plied is a bit strong.
32:41Hey, Frazier.
32:42Sure.
32:43I have a work-related proposal
32:46I want to run by you.
32:48Of course, Roz.
32:49I'm always open to new ideas,
32:50creative thoughts,
32:51outside-the-box thinking,
32:52that sort of thing.
32:53I want Friday the 15th off.
32:55But be aware,
32:56if you say no,
32:57you'll be crushing a dream
32:59I've had since college.
33:01A three-day weekend,
33:02that's quite a dream.
33:05My dream is to have front-row seats
33:08at Bruce Springsteen.
33:10That way,
33:11when he starts doing
33:12Dancing in the Dark,
33:13there's a chance he'll pull me up
33:15and I can dance with him.
33:16I see.
33:17And this concert is on, uh,
33:20Friday afternoon?
33:22No, Grandpa.
33:25Tickets go on sale Saturday,
33:26and I want to be the first in line.
33:28Oh.
33:29Well, if you hadn't called me Grandpa,
33:30I would have found a polite way
33:31to say no,
33:32but as it is, no.
33:36I can't believe I didn't just
33:37call in sick
33:38instead of telling you the truth.
33:40I just wasted perfectly good honesty
33:42on you.
33:43Well...
33:45His Royal Highness is here.
33:49Oh, hi, Daphne.
33:51Coffee, Niles?
33:52Yes, please.
33:53I'll have, uh,
33:54the French roast
33:55with three shots of espresso.
33:57The defibrillator?
33:58Yeah, that's the one.
34:01Get a little pick-me-up, Niles.
34:02Oh, I am exhausted.
34:04Sleeping with Daphne,
34:05I'm not getting much rest.
34:06The way she gyrates,
34:08it's like...
34:09Stop the simile.
34:12No use in conjuring up imagery,
34:14I'll have to repress later.
34:17I'm talking about actual sleeping,
34:19you degenerate junkhead.
34:23Hey, Swindon.
34:24Hi.
34:25I was just telling Grazer
34:26about your nightly tossing and turning.
34:29She's like a tuna
34:30on a trawler deck.
34:34I told you,
34:35I'm gonna need time
34:36to adjust to sleeping with someone.
34:38Until then,
34:39you're just gonna have to
34:40fight me off.
34:41Oh, I tried.
34:42You hurled me to the floor.
34:44You've never minded
34:45the rough stuff before.
34:46Now, that's it.
34:47I'm leaving.
34:50Good Lord, it's Claire.
34:53I thought you liked her.
34:54Oh, I do.
34:55So, what's the problem?
34:56Lana has told me
34:57that I am under no circumstances
34:59to ask her out on a date.
35:01She says that if I rush things,
35:03I will ruin my chances.
35:06Frazier.
35:08Claire.
35:09Oh, hi.
35:10Hey.
35:11Fancy seeing you here.
35:13Oh, I just came from the Opera House.
35:15Can you believe
35:16Don Giovanni is sold out?
35:19I wish I knew someone
35:20with a subscription.
35:21You know, I could...
35:24I could call someone for you.
35:26Oh, that'd be great.
35:27Hey, and while you're at it,
35:29see if you can find someone
35:30who likes Sherry.
35:32You know,
35:33Les Invitons is having
35:34a tasting that week,
35:35and I can't find anyone
35:37who enjoys Sherry
35:38as much as I do.
35:39Of course,
35:40I always have trouble
35:41finding people
35:42who share my interests.
35:43I've been trying
35:44to convince someone
35:45to go to London with me
35:46and see the new Tate Gallery
35:48and the old Globe Theatre,
35:50and finally,
35:51I just gave up.
35:52And tomorrow,
35:53I'm going alone
35:54for ten days.
35:55Life's just too short.
35:57Go out with me.
36:08The trick to remembering
36:09the difference between
36:10William Henry Harrison
36:11and William Howard Taft
36:13is a simple mnemonic device.
36:15The what?
36:18It's a trick.
36:20Harrison died in office
36:21after his first month,
36:23so we say
36:24William Henry Harrison
36:26was hardly healthy.
36:29And you can't spell Taft
36:32without the letters
36:33F
36:34A
36:35T
36:38So now to remember two things,
36:40I have to remember
36:41two other things.
36:42Plus the first two things.
36:44Yes, yes.
36:45That's four things.
36:46Yes, yes.
36:47The first two things
36:48are easier to remember,
36:50and they are clues
36:51to the second.
36:52Will you just try
36:53to keep up, Kirby?
36:54What are you getting
36:55all up in my face for?
36:58Because you are not
36:59working hard enough.
37:00Well, whose fault is that?
37:02Yours!
37:04Whatever, dude.
37:06How's it going?
37:07Well, I'm cool.
37:09As am I.
37:11Oh, Claire,
37:12shall we stay for dinner?
37:13Sure.
37:14Hey, Kirby, go wash up.
37:18And use water!
37:26Listen, Lana,
37:29I ran into Claire this afternoon,
37:33and I, um,
37:34well, we got to talking,
37:36and it seems as though we'll,
37:39we're going to be
37:40going out together.
37:42You're what?
37:44I told you,
37:45the timing isn't right.
37:46You went behind my back.
37:47Yes, well, you had me convinced
37:48that you held the keys
37:49to Claire's kingdom,
37:50and the truth is
37:51I didn't need the key.
37:52When I got there,
37:53the gates were open,
37:54the mat said,
37:55Welcome, Frasier.
37:57Well, if you think
37:58you are walking out
37:59from Kirby,
38:00you can think again.
38:01Listen,
38:02there is no use in tutoring him
38:03if he is not willing to learn.
38:05Hi, Lana, it's Claire.
38:08Listen,
38:09Frasier asked me out today,
38:11and I said yes.
38:13He seems very sweet.
38:16Of course,
38:17he was also a little eager,
38:19which is always a turn-off.
38:22So I might back out,
38:23unless you think he's a catch.
38:25Do you?
38:26Is he?
38:27Anyway,
38:28I'll be back next week,
38:29so give me a call
38:30and let me know
38:31what you think.
38:32Bye.
38:37Hmm.
38:38What do I think?
38:43Perhaps I spoke hastily.
38:46I think...
38:48I want Kirby to get a C.
38:50What?
38:51You said he only had
38:52to get a passing grade.
38:53Well, that was before
38:54you went behind my back,
38:55and just for arguing,
38:56I want a B!
38:57That's crazy!
38:58Well, keep talking, mister!
38:59I'll go for an A!
39:00All right, a B it is!
39:01What am I doing again?
39:02Oh, yeah, I'm washing up.
39:07Okay, a B minus.
39:30What the hell?
40:01All right, Kirby,
40:02I'm going to make you an offer.
40:05If you will agree
40:06to knuckle down and study,
40:08I will treat you
40:10to a sumptuous dinner
40:12at Les Habitants.
40:14How does that sound?
40:16You and me
40:17at a fancy French restaurant?
40:19That's right.
40:20I'll treat you
40:21to a sumptuous dinner
40:22at Les Habitants.
40:23How does that sound?
40:25You and me
40:26at a fancy French restaurant?
40:28That's right.
40:29That's right.
40:30I'm kind of gay.
40:35Hey, Frasier.
40:36Oh, hi, Ross.
40:37Oh, uh, Kirby,
40:39this is my producer, Ross Doyle.
40:41Ross, this is Kirby,
40:42my two-tee.
40:45Well, study hard,
40:46but remember,
40:47school isn't everything.
40:49I wasn't exactly an egghead,
40:50and look how I turned out.
40:52It's all right, Ross,
40:53I'm just trying to motivate the boy,
40:54not scare him straight.
41:00She has got to be
41:01pretty distracting
41:02around the office, huh?
41:04Oh, yes, well,
41:05sometimes,
41:06but she's union,
41:07so you put up with it.
41:10No, I mean she's hot.
41:13Stop that.
41:14You stick to girls
41:15your own age.
41:16Yeah, I had one.
41:17She dumped me.
41:19Sorry to hear that.
41:21I don't care.
41:22She can go to the problem
41:23with anyone she wants.
41:26Wait a moment.
41:28Is that what all this
41:29current malaise is about?
41:31Heartbreak?
41:32No.
41:33I'm way over it.
41:36You know what would be awesome
41:37is if I could go to the problem
41:39with some totally
41:40hot older chick like Ross.
41:42That would totally
41:43burn up Christy.
41:44All my friends would be like,
41:45yo, she's alive.
41:49Kirby,
41:50you just put that thought
41:51completely out of your mind
41:53because...
41:55Kirby.
41:58If I could convince Ross
42:00to go to the problem with you,
42:02would you commit
42:03to learning this material
42:05and you think hard
42:06before you answer
42:07because if it's yes,
42:10you're in my house, mister.
42:16Oh, man.
42:18Deal.
42:19Now, listen.
42:20Let's keep this between us.
42:22There's no need
42:23to tell your mom.
42:24No problem.
42:25Great.
42:26So how are you gonna
42:27get her to go with me?
42:28Oh, you just leave that
42:30up to me and
42:32Mr. Bruce Springsteen.
42:36The boss.
42:39No, Bruce Springsteen.
42:47You never said
42:48there was gonna be pop quizzes.
42:50That's the pop part.
42:54But don't despair, Kirby.
42:56You got 19 out of 25.
42:58Well done.
42:59Looks like you're well
43:00on your way to that prompt.
43:02I mean, let's see
43:03that essay you wrote.
43:09Dad,
43:10do you mind?
43:11We're trying to work here.
43:12I'm sorry.
43:13I'm just trying to
43:14raise Eddie's spirits.
43:15Today's that stupid
43:16doggie party
43:17he wasn't invited to.
43:20You're still on that?
43:22Eddie's the heart and soul
43:23of that doggie group.
43:25We've been going to
43:26that park for years.
43:27Half of those people
43:28wouldn't even know each other
43:29if it wasn't for us.
43:31Now they're down there
43:32drinking beer
43:33and swapping stories.
43:36Look at him.
43:37It's just breaking
43:38Eddie's heart.
43:43Eddie's fine, Dad.
43:44Seems you're the one
43:45who feels left out.
43:46I do not.
43:48And it just so happens
43:49that we've got plans
43:50for this afternoon.
43:51Plans for this afternoon,
43:52anyway, big plans.
43:57Hello.
43:59Oh, hi, Roger.
44:02Uh, party, huh?
44:03Well, no,
44:04hadn't heard about it.
44:06Oh, really?
44:07Well, yeah,
44:08I guess we could come down.
44:09Sure.
44:10Okay.
44:11Yeah, well, uh,
44:12be right down.
44:13Bye.
44:14I knew it!
44:18The invite must have
44:19got lost in the mail.
44:20Well, see you later, boys.
44:21It's party time.
44:33Forgot the dog.
44:42This is fun.
44:44It is.
44:46You know, I think
44:47restaurants are like museums.
44:49Great food, like great art,
44:52has the ability
44:53to both elevate and inspire.
44:56Oh, I so agree.
44:59But one must dine
45:01at the certain Savoir Faire.
45:02You won't get much out of it
45:03if you're just some Philistine
45:05walking in off the streets.
45:07Dude, fancy.
45:11Hello, my good man.
45:13Reservation for Gardner.
45:15Of course.
45:18This way, please.
45:25So, um,
45:28would you order some wine for us?
45:30No.
45:31Let's get something straight.
45:33If you get drunk,
45:34the evening is over.
45:36And if you fondle, massage, or cup
45:38any portion of my body,
45:40the evening is over.
45:41Got it?
45:42Man, you're like a total prude, huh?
45:44Yes, I am.
45:48Would any one of you like a drink?
45:51Yes.
45:52The lady and I will have the Coca-Cola.
45:57Yeah, make sure the ladies
45:59has a lot of Jack Daniels in it.
46:02Never order for your date.
46:04It's cheesy.
46:06And the lady will have the fillet.
46:11Well, a toast.
46:17To this moment.
46:19Too long delayed.
46:21And too quick to pass.
46:26Hey, you guys.
46:29Hi.
46:30Oh, what are you doing here?
46:33We're having a date.
46:35Yes, what are you doing here?
46:37Oh, I'm looking for Kirby.
46:39It's his prom night.
46:40He left his camera at home.
46:42Kirby?
46:43Is here?
46:44Somewhere.
46:45You told him about this place.
46:47Right, right, so I did.
46:49Oh, there he is.
46:51See you guys later.
46:52Listen, Lana, Lana, wait.
46:53You know, maybe I should
46:54take the camera to the boy.
46:55I mean, seeing you here
46:56will only embarrass him.
46:57Oh, please.
46:58He's used to that.
47:00Besides, the one who should be embarrassed
47:02is that boy who's with his mother.
47:06Lana is such a great mom.
47:09She really cares about her kids.
47:11She sure does.
47:13I mean, she's with you.
47:19Will you excuse me a moment?
47:22Mom, would you cool out?
47:24I didn't expect me to cool out
47:25when you're...
47:26What are you, a hooker?
47:27What?
47:28You're a hooker?
47:29No, I'm not.
47:30She works for me.
47:32You're her pet?
47:33Is there a problem?
47:35No, no, everything's just fine.
47:37Do you know this trap?
47:38Yes, I do.
47:39Frasier.
47:40I'm sorry, Lana, please.
47:42I was a little innocent enough.
47:43I only did this in order to motivate the boy.
47:46By promising him sex.
47:47You promised him sex?
47:49You're getting set.
47:50I did not promise him sex.
47:52You're coming with me.
47:53Mom, I'm not going.
47:54Lana, let me explain.
47:56I set him up with Roz
47:57in exchange for his studying.
47:59That's disgusting.
48:00It's no different than you
48:01promising me a date with Claire
48:02in exchange for tutoring Kirby.
48:04Excuse me?
48:06Claire.
48:07You treated me like a commodity?
48:10Oh, get off your high horse.
48:12You tutored me to get there?
48:14Kirby.
48:15I can't believe you used me, Lana.
48:18Let's get a little perspective here.
48:20My son's here with a prostitute.
48:22If you call me that one more time, lady.
48:25Listen, sister.
48:26What did you do?
48:27Dangle me like bait?
48:29Who's the prostitute now?
48:30Who the hell are you?
48:31Sit down.
48:32You said nothing about my education,
48:33but you're just as big a liar
48:35as Richard M. Nixon, our 37th president.
48:38I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave.
48:40Fine with me.
48:41Kirby, let's go.
48:42I'm not going.
48:43Well, I am.
48:44No, no, no.
48:45Stop it, everybody.
48:51Fellow diners.
48:55If you will all bear with me
48:56for just a moment, please.
48:59Kirby.
49:00You are going to pass history,
49:02and you are going to graduate
49:03from high school.
49:04Roz, you are getting
49:05your Springsteen tickets.
49:06Lana, if there is anyone
49:07with whom your son could expect
49:08to have a thoroughly wholesome,
49:10innocent, and chaste date,
49:11it is Roz Doyle.
49:13Claire,
49:15the only reason Lana did what she did
49:16was out of love for her son.
49:22And if I compromised my ethics,
49:27it was only because I found myself
49:29so utterly beguiled by you.
49:35Frasier,
49:37you are a strange and charming man.
49:43You have no idea.
49:51Hi, Lan.
49:52It's Frasier.
49:53Yeah, listen.
49:54I was hoping that I could
49:55maybe switch times with Kirby tomorrow.
49:57Same with up to 4 o'clock
49:59just after school?
50:01Great.
50:02Great. Good.
50:04Well, Claire and I have plans.
50:07You know.
50:08Yeah, I guess we are hitting it off.
50:13She said what about me?
50:17You're joking.
50:20Oh, you are joking.
50:24What did she say about me?
50:28Really?
50:30No.
50:33I guess it just proves she's a sucker
50:35for sophistication and taste.
50:39And dare I say it,
50:41old world charm.
50:43Hey, buddy.
50:47If the cops come back around,
50:49can I stash something in your bag?
50:54I'll have to call you back.
51:00Hey, buddy.
51:16Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
51:18tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
51:22Quite stylish.
51:24And maybe I seem a bit confused.
51:27Yeah, maybe.
51:29I got you, Peg.
51:33But I don't know what to do
51:35with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
51:41They're calling again.
51:45Scrambled eggs all over my face.
51:48What is a boy to do?
51:53Goodnight, Seattle. We love you.
51:59We love you.