Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 6 Episode 1 Bargaining Pt 1
Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 6 Episode 1 Bargaining Pt 1
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TVTranscript
00:00like a man so they sent the key to her in the form of a sister you were created to open the gates
00:07to separate dimensions the little girl the key destroy it and the will of the beast will be
00:14broken you have to jump he'll kill you look at what's happening
00:19no donnie i have to be brave live for me
00:49so
00:58so
01:13come on i'm never gonna get anything killed with you lot holding me back
01:19big ones are supposed to tire more easily no that's over the hill shopkeepers i'm fine
01:25i just need to die for a minute guys heads up
01:32the vampire's circling back towards you six o'clock
01:36try to drive them towards the van elton crypt
01:40fan out is that the one with the cute little gargoyle
01:46left make him go left
02:09big fast and dumb just the way i like
02:27sounds like the units are engaged sandra army stop great googly moogly willow would you quit
02:33doing that i told you i was gonna get a lay of the land but not the lay of my brain it's
02:37kind of intrusive you could knock first or something xander i know i know i don't have
02:44to talk when i answer him but i saw the fury and that way lies spooky carnival death xander
02:49vampire other side of that tomb you can get the jump on him if you go the other way
02:54oh i didn't even say so
03:07tear it down
03:18spike
03:24oh
03:32what are you doing help him i did
03:54oh
04:00you might have let me in on your plan while you throttle me oh poor watcher
04:06has your life passed before your eyes cup of tea cup of tea almost got shagged cup of tea
04:12guys help xander and on you over by the anderson
04:16xander
04:23i got it
04:54hey that'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo
05:05that's where the daughter is all right yeah she says that pie thing every time she sticks a vamp
05:10now i i don't know i was trying to program in some new puns and i kind of ended up with word salad
05:17i think it's funny it's a glitch i'll fix this we just can't have her messing up in front of the
05:25wrong person or the wrong thing we need the the world and the underworld to believe that buffy
05:33is alive and well and i will therefore fix it i got her head back on didn't i and i got her
05:39off those knockback jumps oh who's there do you know if you want to be exactly she'll never be
05:45exactly i know the only really real buffy is really buffy and she's gone we want her to be
05:55exactly she'll never be exactly i know the only really real buffy is really buffy and she's gone
06:00who
06:30so
07:00you
07:07where's my clog i think there's a clog eating monster under the bed it's really those lesser
07:15known monsters that make living in sunnydale so hard i believe that that is a dawn monster
07:21she borrowed them yesterday donny hey you up
07:29you doing okay besides terror about today and a general feeling of impending doom
07:35it's well breakfast will make all things better pancakes could go in bellies
07:42donny hey you today's a big day huh kind of day makes you want to return clogs don't you think
08:13morning morning i was thinking we could go over your programming again
08:20again you've done enough sweetie she's either ready to face this thing or she's not
08:29oh um there's some juice and pancakes are on the way funny shapes or rounds rounds are fine
08:37what's up with the mega witches oh i don't know if you call us mega willow maybe no i mean who's
08:44gonna eat all that oh oops um she wanted to help and i gotta start it but then i forgot to unstart
08:52house of chicks relax i'm a man and i have a tool
08:56tools lots of plural tools in my uh toolbox ah sandwiches excellent men like sandwiches
09:09help yourself really so what brings you so early here machunas brought that soldering
09:16wire you wanted for a buffy botch tuna you got funny shapes anyway sorry i'll get it no
09:23no um it could be my dad he said he'd call today i'll just say hello he's my biological ancestor
09:34hello hey anya really that's fantastic uh on you found that thing for tonight yeah great
09:45and you're her sweet kooky face i go by many names
09:54what's tonight oh just a scooby meeting spike will be here with you
10:00you know buffy thought maybe you should let the machine the other machine answer the phone from
10:07now on okay is my phone manner not correct oh it's perfect it's just we can't take the chance
10:13that mr summers might talk to you and know something's wrong maybe he thought the real
10:18buffy was gone he could take down away and i want to stay here with you and willow and tara
10:26understand i do i want you to stay here as well you're my sister
10:44so excellent we're agreed sit your robo self down so we can get to work
10:51need to fix up those fighting skills pronto actually we have bigger worries than our
10:56fighting skills today way bigger i guess depends on how highly you prize punning
11:03i'm serious xander buffy bot is about to face her most dangerous challenge ever
11:09so as you can see we provide the best in progressive learning
11:14but we can't teach your children unless you do as parents you have a responsibility
11:21to create the right attitude to teach your child what school can mean
11:28miss summers
11:33school is where you learn
11:39exactly parents like kids focus on school as a social experience rather than a learning
11:45experience we want you to get your kids just as excited about education
11:51as they are about the lunch hour i helped make lunch today
11:56oh yes before school peanut butter and jelly i don't eat but don takes one every day
12:04tell me about it my kid's been brown bagging it even though i paid for the lunch program
12:10it's true something has to be done about the quality of the food
12:28okay i knew this register report for january looks a bit old
12:35pull the files again
12:44are you mad at me
12:48mad no i'm well then why are you torturing me you know i used to punish people like this when
12:53i was a demon i meet them double check spreadsheets for all eternity i'm sorry if
12:58you resent my thoroughness but i won't be comfortable leaving here until i know that
13:02absolutely everything you're taking the ramadan effigy it's not inventory it's my personal
13:09collection oh aren't you mr dicey semantics it's not what you think you can just take anything you
13:16want give it who you give it ow ow ow
13:29okay when i'm marveling at the immaturity be scared
13:34anya jazz is gonna leave this door to you when he goes what more do you want i am not leaving
13:41the store to anyone i'm going to england i'm not dead i'm still a partner silent overseas
13:49partner who you should be very nice to unless you want to end up working at video hut
13:59what are you doing what kind of gratitude is that i know it's just he keeps saying he's going
14:16and then he doesn't and i keep almost being in charge but then i'm not and maybe he shouldn't
14:22even be going at all but we can't talk about that and it all just leaves me with this stress and
14:28bossiness stored up and it just leaks out just give it time on this is hard for all of us just
14:37be patient i was being patient but it took too long i mean i i miss buffy i do but life shouldn't
14:47just stop because she's gone i'm sick of waiting to take over here and i'm sick of waiting to tell
14:54everyone about us we've talked about this we can't announce our engagement while things are so
15:02up in the air why not it's happy news happy news and hard times is a good thing it is but let's
15:11just hold on we'll know more after we talk to willow and tara tonight fine whatever just remember
15:17that this whole marriage thing was your stupid idea i didn't ask to be all crazy
15:31so my homeroom teacher miss left court was like your sister is an example to us all
15:38she wanted to make it national buffy day makes sense and us she responded to buffy
15:46because the robot is predictable it's boring perfect teacher's pet that's all schools are
15:52you know there's factories spewing out mindless little automatons
15:59who go on to be very valuable and productive members of society and you should go
16:05up because buffy would want you to
16:17check one mindless automaton coming up
16:23so uh we have fancy bit uh game and rummy well um willow and tara said they'd be back early
16:32you don't really have to hang i mean if you're bored
16:37i'm not and yeah i do but i'm fine alone it's not like anyone's coming after me i'm not the key
16:47or if i am i don't open anything anymore it's over remember
16:54remember i'm not leaving you here by yourself so forget it
17:03well i'm just saying
17:05no i'm not leaving you to get hurt not again
17:15not again
17:33don't be scared i'm going to kill him slayer you can run away now
17:45not you
17:48so
18:11you're you're you're a machine
18:16Stop!
18:26Vampires!
18:28Beware.
18:44The urn of Osiris. You really found it.
18:54Yeah. It wasn't easy. I went through every supplier the magic box has.
18:58You used a magic box supplier? What if Giles finds out?
19:03He's too busy not leaving to pay attention to me. Besides, I ended up getting it on eBay.
19:09You found the last known urn of Osiris on eBay?
19:12Yeah. From this desert gnome in Cairo. He drove a really hard bargain,
19:17but I finally got him to throw in a limited-edition Backstreet Boys lunchbox for a...
19:24a friend.
19:27So you got your somber on, Will. Isn't the urn not up to spec?
19:34It's the one.
19:37Which means it's time.
19:39It's time? Like... time-time? With the... timeliness?
19:47Are you sure?
19:49I am. Mercury's in retrograde and we have... do we have everything?
19:56Just about.
19:58But why the sudden rushy-rush? I mean, did the bot blow her cover at school?
20:02No, she did great. She impressed all the teachers.
20:05And they still thought it was Buffy.
20:08Tomorrow night, we'll meet back here.
20:10Whoa! Let's apply the brakes and check the rear and side view mirrors here.
20:19This is deep stuff, Willow. We're talking about raising the dead.
20:24It's time we stopped talking. Tomorrow night, we're bringing Buffy back.
20:38Tomorrow?
20:42I don't know.
20:44Discovery Channel has monkeys. And our tape machine's all wonky.
20:48Guys, I need you on board here.
20:52It's just...
20:56It feels wrong.
20:58It is wrong.
21:00It's against all the laws of nature and practically impossible to understand.
21:05It's against all the laws of nature and practically impossible to do,
21:08but it's what we agreed to.
21:10If you guys are changing your minds...
21:12Nobody's changing their minds, period.
21:16Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group?
21:20You did.
21:21You said Willow should be boss.
21:23And then you said, let's vote, and it was unanimous.
21:26And you made her this little plaque that said, boss of us,
21:29and you put little sparkles on it, and...
21:31Valid points, all.
21:33But we... I mean...
21:38We were just talking then.
21:40Xander, I can do this. I promise.
21:43But not without you.
21:46Should we maybe tell Giles?
21:48You know, now that we're really ready?
21:51It's not like he's going anywhere. Ever.
21:54No. No one else can know.
21:57Not Giles, not Spike, not Dom.
22:02They might not understand.
22:05What if something does go wrong?
22:07I'm telling you it won't.
22:10Scenario.
22:13We raise Buffy from the grave.
22:15She tries to eat our brains.
22:17Do we, A, congratulate ourselves on our job well done...
22:21Xander, this isn't zombies.
22:24And zombies don't eat brains anyway,
22:26unless instructed to by their zombie masters.
22:29A lot of people get that wrong.
22:31This isn't like Dom trying to bring Mrs. Summers back,
22:34or anything we've dealt with before.
22:37Buffy didn't die a natural death.
22:40She was killed by mystical energy.
22:43Which means we do have a shot.
22:45It means more than that.
22:49It means we don't know where she really is.
22:56We saw her body, Will.
22:59We buried it.
23:02Her body, yeah.
23:05But her soul.
23:07Her essence.
23:10I mean, that could be somewhere else.
23:12She could be trapped in some sort of hell dimension,
23:16like Angel was.
23:18Suffering eternal torment just because she saved us,
23:22and I'm not gonna let her...
23:25I'm not gonna leave her there.
23:30It's Buffy.
23:38What time do we meet?
23:42Will!
23:44What happened? Where's John?
23:47Upstairs in bed.
23:49But the bot here seems to have gotten to a scrape
23:52while she was on patrol.
23:54I think my friend's in there.
23:56Looks more like a short in the navigational system.
23:59Can you get me a flashlight? It's in the kitchen.
24:02She wanted to go out and look for you again,
24:04but I figured there were enough things in Sunnydale
24:06to go bump in the night.
24:08Good thinking.
24:09But my homing device locates you when I'm injured.
24:12I'm programmed to go to you.
24:14Right. I know.
24:16Still, I think just this once,
24:18it was a good idea to stay put.
24:21I'll be back.
24:26Spike was right.
24:32Sorry I questioned you, Spike.
24:34You know I admire your brain
24:36almost as much as your washboard abs.
24:43I told you to make her stop doing that.
24:46I did.
24:47I mean, I thought I got all that stuff out of the program.
24:50Well, you got her opened up.
24:53Fix it.
24:55Sure.
24:56I mean, I have a lot of work here,
24:58but I'll see what I can do.
25:00Can you shine the flashlight right here?
25:03Spike?
25:08Did I say something wrong?
25:11No, it's not your fault.
25:15I think Spike stopped liking me.
25:19That's not true.
25:20He thinks you're swell.
25:23And how come he never looks at me anymore,
25:25even when he's talking to me?
25:30He just gets cranky,
25:32the way vampires do.
25:35Now, just relax.
25:37I am gonna make you good as new.
25:42I promise.
25:52I love you.
26:22I love you.
26:52I love you.
27:23That was splendid.
27:25Now, try it again.
27:29Only this time, remember your breathing.
27:40Yeah, that's good, but...
27:43think of the breath as chi.
27:46Air is a life source.
27:48I don't require oxygen to live.
27:51Of course, strictly speaking, but...
27:54Maybe you should stick to the standard, Joe.
27:57You know, you don't want her to blow another gasket.
28:00I'm testing her responses after her injury.
28:04I see no harm in imparting a little Eastern philosophy.
28:09I don't want her to have to go through that again.
28:13Imparting a little Eastern philosophy?
28:16Well, I just think that the concept of chi
28:19might be a little, you know, hard for her to grasp.
28:23You know, she's not the descendant
28:25of a long line of mystical warriors.
28:28She's the descendant of a toaster oven.
28:30Yes, well, I appreciate your input, Anya.
28:33But I think Buffy Bott has responded nicely to our sessions.
28:39Well, you're the boss.
28:42Still.
28:46Would you like to test me again?
28:49No, perhaps we should call it a day.
28:52Your, uh, your responses are fine.
29:04Perhaps Anya's right.
29:06I saw him trying to teach you as if you were a...
29:09Human?
29:13Yes.
29:15I like your teachings.
29:17Every Slayer needs her Watcher.
29:20I'm not so sure about that.
29:24What do you mean?
29:26Nothing.
29:30I just can't help but wonder
29:32if she would have been better off without me.
29:36Buffy.
29:38I don't think that's true.
29:41You were very helpful to her.
29:43Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher.
29:47I did what any good Watcher would do.
29:51Caught my Slayer killed in the line of duty.
29:54Oh, that wasn't your fault.
29:56Of course not.
29:58That's how all Slayer-Watcher relationships end, isn't it?
30:02She's gone.
30:04I did my job.
30:09Then why are you still here?
30:26So I got her cornered in the salad.
30:29You got her cornered in the salad, see?
30:32You got the Slayer cornered?
30:34Yeah. I figured it's my duty.
30:37She's a menace to our society.
30:40So we fight, and I'm like,
30:42Boo! Boo! Boo!
30:44And I got her on the rope.
30:49You're lying to me.
30:51I swear it all. It's unholy.
30:54You haven't even heard the best part.
30:57I caught her, right?
30:59And she's, I don't know,
31:01some kind of machine.
31:04She's not human.
31:20What's with the blood ride?
31:22Talk.
31:23Okay.
31:25So I was over in Sunnydale minding my own beeswax
31:28when I see the Slayer.
31:30The part about the robot.
31:32We fought, right?
31:34And I was, like, all over her.
31:36Boom! Boom! Boom!
31:38He says the Slayer's been replaced by some kind of machine.
31:44A robot, yeah.
31:46And I kicked her synthetic ass.
31:48You should have seen the spark.
31:50Are you telling me there's no Slayer in Sunnydale?
31:57That's what I'm saying.
31:59They got some kind of decoy standing in for her.
32:04Town is wide open.
32:06Nowhere like the Hellmouth for a party.
32:09There's all kinds of bad in that place.
32:13I guess with your muscle,
32:15you could own it in no time.
32:18And look, I know you guys
32:20don't usually let vampires join the gang,
32:23and I got the whole sunlight issue.
32:26But I was thinking, you know,
32:28as thanks for the 411,
32:30you could let me throw in...
32:36I'll take you.
32:39I'll take you.
32:42Let's ride!
33:09Adonai.
33:11Helome.
33:13Pene.
33:15Adonai.
33:17Helome.
33:19Pene.
33:21The gods do command thee from thy majesty.
33:25O Mappalaman.
33:28Adonai.
33:30Helome.
33:32Come forward.
33:34Helome.
33:36Come forward.
33:39Blessed one, know your calling.
33:47Come forward, blessed one.
34:04Come forward.
34:14Accept our humble gratitude
34:17for your offering.
34:20In death,
34:23you give life.
34:29May you find wings to the kingdom.
34:34Amen.
34:40Hey.
34:42You're late.
34:44Oh.
34:46I, uh, had to get that thing.
34:49Charles isn't around.
34:51You can dump the cryptic.
34:53The last spell ingredient?
34:56Okay, right.
34:58What is vino de madre, anyway?
35:02Wine of the mother.
35:04Kind of black market stuff.
35:07Black market? You didn't tell me that.
35:10You shouldn't have gone alone.
35:12It could have been dangerous.
35:14Sorry. I didn't.
35:16I was careful.
35:18It must be something pretty intense.
35:21Black market's all baby teeth and spooky fluids.
35:25All I know is we have to have it to finish the spell,
35:29but it's good stuff in my book.
35:32How come you guys are here, anyway?
35:35I thought we weren't gonna meet till later.
35:38Oh, uh, we weren't.
35:40It just felt weird hanging out on our own.
35:43It's better if we stay together.
35:46Aw, you got butterflies, baby.
35:49More like bats.
35:51You want to look at the money?
35:54I find it always calms me.
35:57That's okay. Thanks.
35:59Baby, tell those bats that everything is gonna be all right.
36:04I promise.
36:06We couldn't be more prepared.
36:08I know. I just wish it was time.
36:11I can't stand worrying about it anymore.
36:14Well, it's your lucky day, then.
36:18I have something that will distract you.
36:22What?
36:24I've gone.
36:26Not one for goodbyes.
36:28I thought it best to slip out quietly.
36:31Love to you all.
36:33Giles.
36:37You really think we'd let you get away with that?
36:44I was trying to avoid a scene, really.
36:47Like we'd make a scene.
36:51Not you.
36:53Me.
36:57Um, we, uh, brought you some lovely parting gifts.
37:02Get it?
37:03Apple pie.
37:06And a monster.
37:08Sort of a Sunnydale souvenir, we thought.
37:11Grrr. Arrr.
37:14We got your presents at the gas station.
37:20We were kind of in a hurry.
37:25Um, we made this in the car.
37:29It's why the letters are all shaky.
37:35This is, uh...
37:40impossible, really.
37:42We just wanted you to know that we'll miss you.
37:47We'll be okay.
37:49We'll miss you, and...
37:53we'll be okay.
37:57I'll take really good care of your money.
38:02That's all I have. No doubts.
38:05Flight 3982 leaving for Los Angeles
38:09and continuing to London.
38:12Rows 20 through 30.
38:14That's me.
38:16Yeah? We just made it.
38:19Just, yeah.
38:22Look, if we're gonna do this, let's do it properly.
38:53Just a phone call away.
38:56If you need anything...
39:01you must promise me.
39:05I do.
39:07I promise.
39:11I love you.
39:13I love you.
39:15I love you.
39:17I love you.
39:19I love you.
39:21I love you.
39:29Willow, I don't know where to start.
39:33Well, maybe you shouldn't.
39:39I'm trying to be stiff upper lippy.
39:43You're right.
39:46Well, you should get going.
39:49Don't you have a life or something?
39:52Um, I suppose that's the question, really.
39:59Just, uh...
40:03be careful, please.
40:16What's he gonna do over there by himself?
40:20I mean, he never talks about people from England.
40:24What if he's lonely?
40:26He won't be lonely.
40:28He used to live there before, remember?
40:31And I'm sure we'll talk to him all the time, right?
40:35Yeah, I'm sure we'll talk to him all the time.
40:39I'm sure we'll talk to him all the time.
40:42And I'm sure we'll talk to him all the time, right?
40:45It's not like he's...
40:47We'll call him tomorrow. How about that?
40:49See how his flight was? Yeah?
40:54Can you believe the timing?
40:56I mean, he's leaving right when we're ready to do the thing tonight.
41:00I know. I had hoped we'd figure it out before he, uh...
41:04he left.
41:06Maybe we should have told him.
41:08I mean, what if it works?
41:10He'll come back.
41:13We should get Don home.
41:15I want to go over everything one more time.
41:17Nothing can go wrong tonight.
41:41Don't worry.
41:56Does everybody have their candles?
41:58I'm trying. My lighter won't stay lit.
42:02Well, hurry. It has to...
42:04What time is it?
42:06A minute till midnight.
42:08Come on, Anya. Do you have it?
42:11I got it. I got it. I got it.
42:14Okay. Start the circle. Now.
42:29Osiris, keeper of the gate,
42:33master of all fate,
42:35hear us.
42:38Hear us.
42:47Before time and after.
42:50Before knowing and nothing.
42:58Accept our offering.
43:02Know our prayer.
43:08Willow.
43:09No.
43:11She told me she'd be tested.
43:14This is what's supposed to happen.
43:16Osiris,
43:18here lies the warrior of the people.
43:21Let her cross over.
43:27Willow.
43:34She needs help.
43:36Xander, she's strong.
43:38She said not to stop no matter what.
43:40If we break the cycle now, it's over.
43:47Oh, God, what is that noise?
44:00Get out of here.
44:06Get out of here.
44:36Get out of here.
44:42Osiris, let her cross over.
44:47Willow.
44:49Willow.
44:51Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
44:54Oh, my God.
45:04It's a test.
45:06It's a test.
45:19That doesn't belong to you.
45:21Put it back.
45:42Slayer,
45:44I've been hearing interesting things about you.
45:47Yes, I am interesting.
45:52These your friends?
45:54They're my boys, yeah.
45:56Good.
45:58Now tell them to get back on their loud bicycles
46:00and go back wherever they came from.
46:02Or what?
46:03You'll electrocute us?
46:08Hold her.
46:11Come on.
46:18You're nothing but a toy.
46:21A pretty toy.
46:24Want to play?
46:31I would, but you've injured me.
46:33I have to return to Willow.
46:41No.
46:57Kill her.
47:01Stop her.
47:05No.
47:11No.
47:29Osiris, release her.
47:33Willow, I need service.
47:40Willow!
47:54Willow!
48:04Willow!
48:06Look what I found.
48:11Willow!
48:21Take that. Go, go.
48:33Anya!
48:36This way.
48:41Come on.
48:52Willow.
48:54Willow.
48:56Are you okay?
48:58I can't walk.
49:03I'm sorry.
49:10I'm sorry.
49:40I'm sorry.
50:10Grr. Arrgh.