Rocky & Bullwinkle Starring In The Fortune Telling Machine
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00:30Pour Bullwinkle the Moose
00:32And a host of others
00:37Hurry Bullwinkle, the show's about to start
00:40I'm coming as fast as I can
00:43Wave to the people
00:46Yay!
00:48Now what are you doing?
00:49Signing autographs, you see, John Smith
00:53But your name is Bullwinkle
00:55I know, but that's hard to spell
01:01We're going to have a lot of fun
01:03Come on and join us
01:05Sure, there's always room for one more
01:18Like most Americans, the folks in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota rely heavily on their television sets
01:24Not just for eating off of, but for the evening news
01:2880,000 men a year
01:29And now here's tonight's cutie
01:31Creighton Finney of Butte Falls fell into an open manhole
01:34Was swept down the Colorado River and came out 30 days later in the Pacific Ocean
01:39Weather report for tomorrow
01:40Clear cloudy skies with gusty showers and sunny late mornings following the snowstorm
01:46And now this is
01:47That weather report was about as accurate as one dared to get
01:50For in Frostbite Falls, you never knew what it was going to be next
01:55Bill, don't forget your ghoul lashes
01:57I'm going to bed, Aggie
01:59Day in, day out, the citizens were at the mercy of a very unpredictable climate
02:03They were, that is, until the Committee for Civic Improvement got to work
02:08Well, boys, how's she look?
02:09Long as she forecasts the weather, who cares how she looks?
02:12For the sum of $33.15, they had purchased a fortune-telling machine from an abandoned penny arcade
02:19You simply put a coin in the slot
02:22The lady in the window dealt cards and the hand she laid down determined the weather
02:27Four Thames, that means light snow
02:30And it did snow lightly for about three weeks
02:33Four Kings, rising temperatures
02:36Sure enough, it got to be 121
02:39Months went by and tourists from all over the world ogled the odd weather machine
02:44One or two even attempted to buy it without success
02:47It remained for those two flies in the ointment, Boris and Natasha, to spoil what could have been an uninteresting but easy to narrate story
02:55Oh, you men are all alike, Boris
02:57You got brunette with you
02:59You look at blonde
03:00I not look at blonde, Natasha, I look at cards
03:03It seems the machine was so well oiled
03:05Lucky machine
03:06It was operating better than ever
03:08The hands manipulated the cards at blinding speed
03:12With a dexterity seldom seen outside of Las Vegas
03:15Who cares about the speed, body boy?
03:17I like what cards she holds
03:19Oh, the cunning brain of that man, for sure enough
03:21She never put down a hand without showing at least four of a kind
03:25Yeah, but can she play Pinochle?
03:27Don't be jealous
03:29She could be the answer to our problems
03:31We don't got no problems
03:33Well, we better get some then or we won't be in the next episode
03:36The clock in the tower at the far end of town struck midnight
03:39Boris struck too, under cover of a dense fog
03:43Four Queens
03:44He and Natasha escorted the weather lady right out of town
03:47The following morning
03:49Let's go, look
03:50Get your glove and let's get down to the field
03:52The team is counting on us, you know
03:54Wait a second, suppose it rains
03:56Mercy me, we better check
03:58And they dashed post-haste to the site where the weather machine had been located
04:01Doggone it, that's the fifth nickel I put in and she still won't work
04:05Bowinkle, you don't seem to realize the weather lady is gone
04:09Maybe if I tried a dime
04:11Hmm, sure is a mystery
04:13Maybe she works on slugs
04:14It was then that Rocky noticed the heavy-duty tar tracks leading away from the scene of the crime
04:19They loaded her here, turned around there, and drove off
04:23There, come on
04:27Hours later, after miles of painstaking plotting, they reached the moving van
04:32Shh, we'll sneak up from both sides
04:34Oh, if it were only fair to warn them
04:36For the bridge that empty van was resting on had definitely been tampered with
04:40We might have a disaster here
04:42Don't miss the Rolling Stone or Luck Mar No Moss
04:49Well, it appeared as though the problem of predicting the weather for Frostbite Falls had been overcome
04:54Wife's looking better these days, Mr. Mayor
04:56That's not my wife
04:58City Council purchased this machine from a penny arcade
05:01What cards does she show?
05:03Four doses
05:04Hmm, foggy tonight
05:06It was so foggy, no one ventured out on the streets
05:09What's going on with those enterprising rascals, Boris and Natasha?
05:13A foggy night in Frostbite Falls
05:16Oh, for pity's sake, Boris, why you get a stealing blonde who deals cards?
05:20Because, Natasha
05:22Ooh, that's heavy
05:23Blonde dealer never deals less than four of a kind
05:26Interesting but uninformative
05:28Please to zip up your mouth
05:30You want you should give us away?
05:32But the town slipped solidly and it wasn't until some twelve hours later that the heinous crime was discovered
05:38We were in a moving van and drove off in that direction
05:41However, the tire tracks came to a halt not too far from town
05:44In the center of a very unsteady bridge, our heroes cornered their quarry
05:48Let's go get them, Bo Winkle
05:50Someone had sawed away at the understructure, collapsing imminent
05:55Bo Winkle, shh
05:57Don't shh me, Rock, shh the doggone bridge
06:00Meanwhile, at the top of Sam Hill
06:02Let me look, Boris, after all, it was my dime
06:05All you look at, Natasha, is panoramic view
06:08I looking for panoramic disaster
06:11Ah, that eliminates moose and squirrel
06:15Also moving van
06:17Natasha, there comes a time when we must shoulder the load
06:21When life's burdens becomes
06:23Ah, enough
06:24I carry the blonde first mile, you carry her second
06:27That is fair
06:29Yes, it was, considering it was only a mile to the river
06:32And that was Boris' ultimate goal
06:34Let's rejoin this twosome later
06:37And go back to where the bridge crashed into the gorge
06:40They ought to have this bridge condemned
06:42And with that parting shot, the lads retraced their steps back to Frostbite Falls
06:46It was just about that time that Boris, Natasha and the weather lady
06:49Reached the little river town of Wachowee Falls
06:52Okay, Samson, your turn to carry it
06:55Natasha, it will give me great privilege to do so
06:59And he totalled it three steps inside a boat building establishment
07:02Owned by a man named Hiram Trump
07:04Mr. Trump, my card
07:07Ah, Asher Diamonds, you a gambling man, mister?
07:10No, but with a moniker like Trump, you must be
07:13Who's the sick lady in the sedan chair?
07:16That, my friend, is unpossibly the world's most fantabulous card player what it is
07:22She plays cards?
07:23Like a snake
07:24Well, this river town was noted for its poker games
07:27And in less than an hour, Trump's interior was jammed with onlookers and players alike
07:32Well, what do you know? Four queens
07:36I'll be
07:38That's the tenth straight hand she's come up with, four of a kind
07:41Well, that cleans us out, I guess
07:43Forty-one thousand, forty-two
07:46Mr. Trump, I don't want your money
07:49Forty... Wow!
07:51Here, take this filthy looker back
07:53But you won it fair and square
07:55Well, maybe square
07:56Look, you give us a little going away gift and you can keep money
08:00What kind of a gift?
08:02Oh, say that steamboat sitting outside by the dock
08:06Say, what's Boris up to? Besides no good
08:09Well, perhaps we'll find out in our next installment
08:12A southern style breakfast
08:14Or how many grits can you eat?
08:17The one sure thing about the weather in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota was that it was changeable
08:22And tomorrow morning, it'll be either sunny, cloudy, raining, snowy, foggy, smoggy, hailing, drizzly
08:27No one was able to make an accurate prognostication until the city council bought a fortune-telling machine
08:35Look, Bo Winkle, four aces
08:37What are they going to sing?
08:38Four aces means variable high cloudiness
08:41And two snakes in the grass meant Boris and Natasha
08:44With that machine, Natasha, we could clean up
08:46Why not use broom, darling?
08:48Brooms don't hold four of a kind every hand
08:50Thus, on a severely overcast night, the two ne'er-do-wells transported the weather lady right out of Frostbite Falls and down to a river town
08:56There, Boris and Vigel, the local knicks, end up proving their so-called prowess with a game of poker
09:01Ha! Three aces, two kings, beat that
09:05One, two, three
09:07Oh, what a shameful crime, sir
09:09Lucky lady has four fours
09:11Boris cleaned the town out and used the money to purchase a somewhat antiquated steamboat
09:15Four coats of paint later
09:17Well, Natasha, they always said we'd go up the river
09:20His most striking colors, Captain Badenov, but what do you call her?
09:24How about the spirit of St. Louis?
09:26He's been took
09:27The Hesperus?
09:28Ah, they wrecked that one
09:30Because he wanted to attract gambling customers, Boris settled on the name Sands Hotel
09:34The weather lady was stationed in the main salon and Boris pitted her uncanny luck against all comers
09:41Sure enough, she never failed to produce less than four of a kind
09:44And even on a rare occasion when her opponent held four of a kind, the weather ladies were higher
09:49I've a dog, four trays beats my four deuces
09:52Sunny skies this morning, drizzles this afternoon
09:55The Sands Hotel navigated its way up and down the river, picking up a passenger here, a bale of cotton there
10:01But mostly sharp-eyed card sharks who had heard of the lady in the booth that had yet to lose a game of poker
10:07Say, ain't you the guy who broke the bank in Monte Carlo?
10:10That's right, Captain
10:11Lucky Louis Ledbetter
10:13And I expect to do the same for this boat
10:16Well, Lucky Louis lasted five hands
10:20This barrel here, Mr. Ledbetter, is on sale today
10:23Meanwhile, what about Rocky and Bullwinkle?
10:25Were they going to take this sitting down?
10:27Nope, we just painted the chairs
10:29Listen to this, Bullwinkle
10:30The steamboat Sands Hotel challenges anybody or anything to a game of poker
10:36Come be beaten by Ruth Booth, the best female poker player on earth
10:41They're talking about our missing weather lady
10:44That night, two stowaways climbed aboard the Sands Hotel
10:47Lucky for us, the river is low this time of year
10:50Shh, somebody will hear you
10:51A peek through a porthole confirmed the little squirrel's suspicions
10:54The weather lady was indeed Miss Ruth Booth
10:57We've got to sneak her out
10:58Bullwinkle, you create a diversion while I jimmy the lights
11:01Then when the lights go out, you grab the weather lady and swim to shore
11:05Way to shore
11:06Yeah
11:07Some two minutes later, a southern gentleman wearing a beaver hat over what looked like a hat rack
11:11sat down opposite the card machine
11:13Good evening, y'all, sir
11:15My name is Colonel Beauregard
11:17Boris is Moose you said you killed in previous episode
11:20Look, it's his show
11:22If he wants to be hard to kill, let him
11:24You come to play Miss Booth here?
11:26Oh, oh, you bet
11:28You're the one who does the betting, sonny poopsy
11:31Go get a gun
11:32What kind gun? Spray?
11:34No, a gun gun
11:35The kind goes boom
11:36Oh, oh, will Rocky be able to kill the lights before the moose gets killed?
11:40Be with us next time for
11:41Bartender, turn those lights off
11:43Or a shot in the dark
11:47Well, in case you weren't with us last time, Rocky and Bullwinkle located the missing weather lady
11:51There she is, Bullwinkle
11:53And Boris must have been the thief who stole her
11:55The plan to get her back was simple
11:57Bullwinkle would get Boris' attention
11:59Rocky would then short the light circuit
12:01In the darkness, Bullwinkle would grab the weather lady and take her ashore
12:04It was as simple as that
12:06Alas, so was Bullwinkle
12:08So your name is Colonel Beauregard, yeah?
12:10That's right, sir
12:12Of the bold evil Beauregards
12:14Boris, that is Moose
12:15No
12:16Yes
12:17I thought maybe it was my old standish
12:19Maybe you're right
12:20Natasha, go get gun and one bullet
12:22Don't get two bullets
12:23For why?
12:24I might use second bullet and you know who
12:27Sorry for all the chitchat, Colonel
12:29Now, how would you like to make a bet?
12:31You bet
12:32No, we did that one last time, didn't we?
12:34Here you are
12:35What's that? Piggy bank?
12:37Pig in a poke, yo, Moe
12:39Ok, here is five cards
12:41What you got?
12:42Five cards
12:43Just like you said
12:44Say, how'd you do that?
12:46Do what?
12:47Deal me five cards and know how many I had
12:49Good thing I brought my mother's seals along
12:51Please, Moose, Mr. Beauregard
12:54What cards you hold?
12:56A king high
12:57Straight?
12:58No, just a king high
13:00And there's four of them
13:02Too bad
13:03I didn't win?
13:04No, I got a potsy
13:06A potsy?
13:07Two threes and a joker
13:08That beats four kings?
13:10On this board, it does
13:12Yeah
13:13By this time, Rocky had found the master light switch
13:15And Natasha had found an elephant gun
13:17Both went into action at the same instant
13:21Well, you think Otto Preminger made an exodus, huh?
13:24In less than ten seconds, the good ship Sands Hotel was devoid of any activity
13:28Except, of course, for the captain and the first mate
13:31Darling, what happened?
13:33Natasha, you came this close to hitting Moose
13:35This close?
13:37I must have hit someone else then
13:39I'm going to be a sport and give you three guesses
13:42Oh, no, Boris, not
13:43It wasn't
13:44It couldn't
13:46Ah, go get needle and thread
13:48While Boris is getting to the seat of his troubles, we'll peek in on Rocky
13:51Who is waiting anxiously on shore
13:53I sure wish Bullwinkle would get here
13:55And I hope he has
13:56Hiya, Rocky
13:57Gosh, am I glad to see you
13:59Did you get the weather lady?
14:01She's right here, tucked under my...
14:03Whereas then they noticed an alteration in the lady in the booth
14:05She's gone robot on us
14:07Bullwinkle, you grabbed a phone booth
14:10Taking advantage of the situation, Rocky telephoned Boris
14:13Listen, Foxy Squirrel, I wouldn't sell New Dealer for all the tea in bags
14:17Hmm? How much?
14:19Fifty dollars, tax-free
14:21Oh, still
14:22It's deal, send Moose over with money
14:24That's fifty smackeroonies I didn't expect to get
14:27You really sell blonde in booth for fifty bucks
14:30Does money grow on radishes?
14:32Suspecting that Boris might pull a fast one, Rocky insisted that the transaction take place in the center of town
14:37In front of a few hundred southern gentlemen
14:39Okay, the money's in this sack
14:42And weather lady is in envelope
14:44You stuffed her into that tiny envelope?
14:46Kind of hard to believe
14:47Hey, what's coming off here?
14:49Key is in here, key to safety deposit box in depot
14:53Safety deposit box has weather lady
14:55I don't know, that seems like a pretty...
14:57Oh, hold still Boris, there is a mosquito on your cheek
15:00And the moose made a deft swipe
15:02Missed
15:03But the men standing on the sides didn't
15:05Slapped his face
15:06And that gentleman means a duel
15:08Well, this was an unforeseen development
15:10Don't miss our next installment, unhappily entitled Jewel Controls
15:14Or put it in second...
15:17To sum it all up, this fortune telling machine predicted the weather for Frostbite Falls, Minnesota
15:25Four nines means it's going to be cloudy
15:28Cloudy in more ways than one
15:30For the jerk of all trades, Boris Baranov
15:32And faithful Indian companion, Natasha
15:34Kidnapped the card machine and set it up in the main salon of Boris' showboat
15:38Recently rechristened the Sands Hotel
15:40Is worth the gamble, I always say
15:42Rocky and Bullwinkle tried their darndest to get the weather lady back
15:45And eventually it came down to an out-and-out trade
15:48Fifty dollars for the weather lady
15:50It's a deal
15:51And no funny stuff
15:52That's the way it's been so far
15:54Rocky insisted the transaction be held in front of witnesses
15:57Thus, in the middle of Main Street
15:59Here's the money, now where's the...
16:02Look out, there's a skater in our midst
16:04Actually, it was on Boris' cheek
16:06Well, when the gentleman lining the streets of this southern community viewed that...
16:10Stroke him in the face, sir
16:12This calls for a settlement on the field of honor
16:15Or in layman's language, a duel
16:17The following morning at dawn, in a quiet field, the opposing parties met
16:21But I thought a duel meant goodbye in French
16:23Quiet, Bullwinkle, let me think of a way out of this mess
16:27Mr. Baranov, as your second, let me wish you the best of luck
16:30That's very big of you, I'm sure
16:32You're not frightened, are you?
16:34Who, me?
16:35Listen, Georgie Porgie, my favorite composer is no coward
16:39Yes, neither Bullwinkle nor Boris wanted any part of this affair
16:42But when in Rome...
16:43You'll take ten paces, turn and fire at will
16:48And you can see the kind of a show this is when we don't fund an obvious setup like that
16:52One, two, three, four, five, six
16:57Well, it was such a beautiful day that everyone forgot about the duel
17:00Rocky, the second and the judge had a picnic
17:03Forty-two, forty-three, forty-four
17:06As for Bullwinkle and Boris, they just kept walking
17:08The whole thing blew over and once more, our heroes attempted to purchase the weather lady
17:13Oh boy, are my legs stiff
17:15Here's your fifty dollars
17:16And here is the envelope containing key which unlocks safety deposit box containing weather lady
17:21Alas, it contained a key that unlocked the safety deposit box, all right
17:24But the weather lady wasn't in it
17:26Say, can't the fella run a room around here with any privacy?
17:30That doesn't
17:31It sure does
17:32Now I'm mad
17:33And when a flying squirrel gets mad
17:35Three dollars and eighty cents between us
17:38That's not enough
17:39Bullwinkle, we gotta raise more money
17:41They dug ditches, performed on street corners, scrubbed floors, sold magazine subscriptions
17:48Now how much do we have?
17:49Three dollars and eighty-five cents
17:51Yes, the wage scale then was unfortunately low, as were the lad's spirit
17:55And that's when the circus hit town
17:58Wanted high platform diver
18:00That's me, Bullwinkle
18:02The plucky squirrel gave three performances a day
18:08Remember when we used to do this in the title, Rock?
18:12And so, when the Dingaling Brothers Circus left town, Rocky and Bullwinkle had earned well over a thousand dollars
18:18Well, we did it, Rock
18:19But what did we do it for?
18:21You'll see, come on
18:22The Sands Hotel was jammed with customers all taking the customary shellacking from the weather lady
18:27When the squirrel plopped the money on the table
18:29One thousand one hundred dollars and fifteen cents that Miss Booth there can be beaten
18:34Well, it's obvious Rocky has a plan in mind
18:37What that plan is will be revealed in our next exciting episode
18:41They didn't pick up our option or showdown
18:46Well, we're running into the home stretch and still Rocky and Bullwinkle have not regained possession of the fortune-telling machine
18:51We've been cheated, bamboozled and horn-swoggled
18:54Stoned like a morphine
18:55Fortunately, a circus came to town and this gave the little squirrel an idea
18:59With the money we could earn working for the circus, we could get the weather lady back
19:03And there are those today who still rave about the Dingaling Brothers High Diving Act
19:13Lord, that's effective
19:15Sure is
19:16Mighty talented squirrel
19:17Squirrel, I was looking at that platform
19:19Well, by the time the circus left town, our heroes were financially solvent
19:23One thousand dollars and change
19:25Well, we'll try and buy the weather lady back again, correct?
19:29Incorrect
19:30That evening, Rocky entered the gambling salon of Baranov's Gambling Showboat and issued a challenge
19:36I'll bet a thousand dollars he can be beaten
19:38Well, well, it's little bad Penny who always turns up
19:42So you want to make a bet, huh?
19:44Okey-dokey, here is the card
19:46Just a minute
19:47If I win, I don't want to be paid off in cash
19:50What color stamps you like?
19:51If I win, you gotta give the weather lady back to Frost by fall
19:55You must be kidding
19:56Boris, what you got to lose?
19:58Blonde always win
20:00Squirrel is bet, here is cards
20:03Wait a minute, my challenger hasn't arrived yet
20:06Challenger? You got train coming in here?
20:08No, it wasn't a train, but it was operating under a full head of steam
20:12Yes, into the room came Bullwinkle, pulling of all things another fortune-telling machine
20:17The great predictor tells all
20:20Hey, what is this?
20:22According to this newspaper clipping, you challenged anybody or anything to play Miss Ruth both years
20:27Boris would have protested had it not been for the customers who insisted he follow through
20:31This must be final episode
20:33Squirrel always gets best of me in hand
20:35Okey, start your machine first
20:40There wasn't a relaxed nerve in the house as the man in the booth shuffled
20:43And extracted not one, but four kings
20:47We need four aces, darling, four unmitigated aces
20:51We need our own show, that's what we need
20:53Okey, here goes something
20:57The weather lady performed like a champion
20:59She shuffled, cut, and then proceeded to extract four aces from the deck
21:03One, two
21:05And then it happened
21:07She began shuffling and cutting like a demon
21:09Cards flew everywhere
21:11It happened, just like I figured
21:13Who built this thing, Colin Clive?
21:15Don't you see? The other machine was too much for her
21:18She fell in love
21:19No, I see the light
21:21He didn't for long
21:22Boris and Natasha each grabbed a machine and in the darkness managed to lower a lifeboat into the water
21:26C'est bon, Natasha, c'est bon
21:28Avec ces deux, nous pouvons créer une nouvelle course de vendeurs
21:31Boris, signez sur la bateau une capacité de 500 pounds
21:34Alors quoi?
21:35Vous, moi, et deux petits-enfants ici, on ne pèse pas ça?
21:38Non, mais une bague remplie d'échecs et d'argent le pèse
21:41Et comme la lifeboat s'emmerde dans l'océan
21:43Nous faisions un adieu amusant, mais indifférent à cette partie de notre histoire
21:47Et nous l'avons récupérée dans Frostbite Falls il y a deux mois
21:50Elle a vraiment perdu le temps, mademoiselle
21:52Elle était très attirante
21:53Celle-ci est juste aussi précise
21:55Je n'ai pas l'impression d'avoir perdu
21:59Un paire de douceurs
22:00Un paire de douceurs?
22:01Cela signifie une hausse variable de la pluie
22:04qui s'éteint graduellement à deux heures du matin
22:06sauf si il ne pleut pas
22:10Oh, mon oncle, comment ça s'est passé?
22:12Pas mal, Rock
22:13Le carton est un peu sticky
22:17L'épisode est terminé
22:19Mais le meilleur de mon collection
22:21est banné sur YouTube
22:23Pour voir ce que vous avez perdu
22:25allez à archive.org
22:28et cherchez Gyro Screw Loose
22:31et je vous verrai là-bas