Veep Season 1 Episode 4 Chung
Veep Season 1 Episode 4 Chung
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Why on earth am I spending my lunch break at the great Governor Chung's book launch?
00:19Cuz it's better than watching Gary drip that fucking noodle juice down his chin.
00:23God, I'm gonna snort Alliance and Seiki and go.
00:26I'm so mired in filibuster reform I got no conversation.
00:29Do you know Chung?
00:30Not really.
00:31Hey!
00:32Hey!
00:33Dan, my man.
00:34Governor.
00:35Good to see you, my friend.
00:36How are you, sir?
00:37I'm very well.
00:38Oh, and you must be Amy.
00:39Yes.
00:40So, Dan, how's it working out with the VP?
00:42Cuz if you ever wanna step several rungs down the ladder, I could always use help from
00:46a fellow Daniel.
00:47Yeah.
00:48Dan only climbs up ladders.
00:49Yes, but sometimes you have to go down to go up.
00:54I assume the Vice President would be too busy.
00:57Yes, she sends her apologies.
00:59She's prepping for Meet the Press.
01:00Ah, I'll be on Face the Nation, but everyone will be watching her, so I guess I can just
01:05wing it.
01:06Shall I sign a book for her?
01:07No.
01:08Kay.
01:09I better be going around myself, make sure everyone gets a touch of the hem of my garment.
01:14Dan, my man.
01:16All right.
01:17You have to go down to go up.
01:20What a jerk.
01:21I'm gonna steal that.
01:22I'm gonna steal that.
01:23Because he who speaks in maxims can sound wise.
01:29This is good.
01:30This is like cornbread.
01:33Hello, children.
01:34Hello, Senator.
01:35You looking for some fresh backs to stab?
01:38Oh, Senator Doyle, it's all part of the game.
01:41Well, I'll tell you, you wanna play a game, Danny, why don't you try working an iPad with
01:46your dick?
01:47No, he's already got carpal tunnel in that area.
01:51You have nothing constructive to say to me, Amy?
01:54Is this about clean jobs?
01:56Oh, is that what they call it still, with two oil guys on it?
01:59Why are you gonna have to buy a lot of spray cans that paint that turd gold?
02:04Everyone has limits to their power, Senator, even the Vice President.
02:07Yeah, and I have the power to withdraw, which is what I'm gonna do right now.
02:16When he said withdraw, he's not talking about withdrawing from filibuster reform, though,
02:20right?
02:21No.
02:22What do you think he's talking about?
02:23I assumed it was withdraw from the conversation.
02:25Can't we just withdraw as a fucking verb, besides Catholics and butlers?
02:29Maybe the Israeli military once in a while.
02:31Yeah, you think I don't know what you're fucking with me?
02:34No.
02:35Come on, let's just head back.
02:36No, no, no, no, no, no, no way.
02:37I'm standing right here.
02:38You gotta network to get work, baby.
02:40Alright?
02:41Chunk or change?
02:47Thank you so much.
02:48We've got jobs.
02:49Clean jobs.
02:50Clean jobs.
02:51Filibuster reform.
02:52Yeah, hit that hard.
02:53Right.
02:54You know what we need?
02:55We need some normal, regular people stuff.
02:57I got an idea.
02:58You could talk about how you always get a sweaty upper lip underneath studio lights.
03:03That shows you're normal.
03:05I'm really talking about a different kind of normal, Gary.
03:07Oh, okay.
03:08Small talk's gonna happen at the end, right?
03:10Right.
03:11Gregory's a Redskins fan.
03:12He'll probably bring up football.
03:13Football.
03:15And I am a Ravens fan, so...
03:20Uh, Madam Vice President, how are your Ravens doing this year?
03:23My Ravens are gold.
03:25And I'll tell you why.
03:26Because we have Joe Flacco as our quarterback.
03:30Yes, yes.
03:31And, um...
03:32Well, you know, the Redskins have a great running game this year.
03:34And honestly, that receiving core over there, Anquan Boldin, not looking good for you.
03:39Anquan?
03:41Uh, receiver on the Ravens.
03:43Okay, well, I'm not gonna remember that.
03:45Okay, you know what?
03:46It doesn't matter.
03:47You want a better beer that the Ravens will win.
03:49Beer makes me so gassy.
03:51You could talk about that.
03:52About how it always bloats you, beer.
03:54Aha!
03:56How is Chung?
03:58Did he do this thing where you don't know if you're supposed to hug him or crucify him?
04:02Which, by the way, makes me want to crucify him.
04:04Yeah, no, I did not stay for his speech.
04:07The good fuck.
04:09I know.
04:10The title.
04:11Holy...
04:12Handle this for me.
04:13Oh, do you want me to shred it?
04:14Yeah.
04:15You know, should I fire up the shit-eater?
04:16Yeah.
04:17Uh, no, no, wait a second.
04:18Let me scrawl something in the front for you.
04:21To Vice President Salina Meyer, with an A.
04:27From an admiring wannabe.
04:29What an e-hole.
04:32Who has an A to an E?
04:33What a bunch of Washington bullshit that is.
04:36I am so tired of...
04:38Hey, Gary, I...
04:40What?
04:42I mean, he's obviously making a joke, right?
04:44He doesn't really think that he's some sort of credible presidential candidate.
04:49Mmm, charismatic war hero.
04:51Yeah, but I mean, the president always sticks with the incumbent.
04:56Plus, he doesn't want to look like he made a massive error in picking you.
05:02That was lovely.
05:04I mean, he stuck with me.
05:05I don't mean it like that.
05:06I meant good stuck.
05:07Like, if your marriage lasts or...
05:10The president's not going to ditch you.
05:12What?
05:13Be quiet.
05:14What?
05:15Want me to have Scott put together a file on Chung?
05:18Give him the noise?
05:19No, no, no, no, no.
05:20Do not let him know that you're worried.
05:21Do not make it a thing.
05:22Yeah, Amy, don't make it a thing, okay?
05:25Okay.
05:27Amy?
05:30Although, uh, if those wheels are in motion anyway,
05:35then I would say go ahead and, you know, put a file together.
05:40Yeah.
05:42You know what I'm sick of?
05:43That stupid story of Chung supposedly pulling some guy out of a burning tank.
05:47Come on.
05:48Why don't guys in the army get a medal for doing their job?
05:52The guy still had severe burns.
05:53If anything, Chung was too late.
05:56Whoa, whoa, your desk is in the back.
05:58This is neutral territory.
06:00Yep, so I'm claiming it.
06:02Sue, would you like to tell him about the encroachment rules?
06:04Do I look like a kindergarten teacher to you, Mike?
06:06Actually, yes.
06:07Excuse me?
06:08Uh, no.
06:09You don't.
06:10Okay, go ahead.
06:11I'm gonna use your desk in the back.
06:13As what?
06:14Pantry?
06:16Oh, here we go.
06:19Look who it is, everybody.
06:20It's your favorite Jonah.
06:21You're not even your mom's favorite Jonah, Jonah.
06:24Don't be changing the talking points for my meet the press thing, okay?
06:28I am prepped.
06:29I come bearing a very minor request from the president.
06:32Does he want to operate me by remote control?
06:35No, that's not technologically possible.
06:40POTUS would appreciate it if you didn't go too hard on filibuster reform.
06:44What are you talking about?
06:45That's my defining vice presidential crusade.
06:48The administration is totally focused on the economy.
06:52Have a great weekend, okay?
06:53Ma'am.
06:54Thank you, ma'am, you too.
06:55Yeah, thank you very much.
06:56Ma'am.
06:57I need to gather my things.
06:58And I'll tell you something else.
06:59These need water, okay?
07:00Got it.
07:02POTUS would like your new chosen subject to be immigration reform.
07:06Americans losing jobs to illegals, et cetera.
07:09I spoke in favor of immigration amnesty all during my primary campaign.
07:14Hey, how's it going?
07:15With respect, ma'am, do you think anybody's going to remember your primary campaign?
07:22In spite of your preface, I did not detect a whole lot of respect in that question.
07:27You know, I meant that more as a slight against the power of recollection of the electorate,
07:33and not as an attack on the potency of your campaign.
07:36Well, why didn't you say that then?
07:38Oh, because you have the social skills of someone who was raised by wolves.
07:42Oh, and pump up China as a trading partner.
07:45We gotta keep nudging that one along.
07:47Uh, I gotta get back to the White House.
07:50God, I love saying that.
07:53Well, God bless the president.
07:56You know, I mean, he's really a great man, but he is busting my fucking lady balls here.
08:03And pump up China?
08:05Is that some sort of dig about Chung?
08:09Okay, so I guess we're not going home.
08:11Yeah. Sue!
08:12Yep?
08:13We're staying!
08:14Uh...
08:20Well, did you have a good Saturday night?
08:23Yeah, it was okay.
08:24My zipper on my Leviathan broke, so I had to drive around trying to find a replacement.
08:29What'd you do?
08:30Oh, you know what I did? I went to bed at 7 p.m.
08:337 p.m. on a Saturday night.
08:35Even people who are dying of malaria stay up later than that.
08:38Well, they can't sleep because they're coughing.
08:40Hi, guys! I'm all set. I'll be there in just a second.
08:43Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:44I gotta go, but you know what?
08:46Hang out here as long as you like, and I'll call you afterwards, okay?
08:49Can I just leave?
08:50No, I don't want them to see you.
08:52All these extra roles, it's kind of weird.
08:54I know, but I am the vice president.
08:56Oh, yes, you are.
08:58Hearing you say that gives me a massive hard-on.
09:02Oh, I am the vice president.
09:05Oh, baby.
09:08I'm ready to launch.
09:11I am ready to eat you up.
09:13Oh, second breakfast. I didn't know you had it in you.
09:16Oh, God.
09:18Oh, I want it in me.
09:19All right.
09:20Yeah, I'm gonna watch your ass move.
09:23Yeah.
09:24Hi, you guys.
09:25Hey.
09:26You look pretty.
09:27Oh, thank you.
09:29How are you guys?
09:30Great.
09:31All set? You got everything?
09:33Oh, yes. I just have to get my stuff.
09:35How was your Saturday night?
09:37Um, it was fine.
09:39All right, I'll get that.
09:44Mike.
09:45Oh, hey.
09:46Just visualizing you kicking ass on Meet the Press.
09:49Why are you so tired?
09:51You don't do anything.
09:56Here's the research Scott pulled on Chung.
10:00Check out page one.
10:02He was born back in China before his dad got his citizenship.
10:06So he can't be president or vice president.
10:10Really?
10:11Well, that's good news.
10:13More good news from Meet the Press.
10:16David Gregory is ill.
10:18Sam Finnegan is the fill-in.
10:20Oh, a virgin.
10:22Oh, God.
10:23I'm gonna eat him up.
10:27What?
10:28Well, that changes the sports stuff.
10:31No panic.
10:32We'll just change the Redskins to whatever Finnegan's team is.
10:35What is Finnegan's team?
10:36I'm pretty sure he's a Bears fan.
10:38Mike, you're pretty sure?
10:40Exactly.
10:41That doesn't help.
10:42It doesn't matter because you're gonna talk about the Ravens.
10:44I know that I'm a Ravens fan, but, like, what if Finnegan is a Ravens fan, too?
10:49You know?
10:50A team can't play itself, can it?
10:52You can in video games.
10:55Some people say your immigration policy is at odds with your jobs program.
11:00How would you respond to that?
11:02Well, I would respond like this.
11:04I would say that the economy has changed a great deal since I made those statements.
11:10And the president and I agree that Americans have to come first.
11:16That's my girl.
11:17Olympic-style backflip.
11:18And I believe very strongly...
11:21That's sweat.
11:23That's lip sweat.
11:24You haven't spoken much today about Senate filibuster reform.
11:28Well, I'll say this.
11:30In order to reform, you have to perform.
11:35She got filibuster in.
11:37I'm just waiting for Jonah.
11:38Here he is.
11:40Hello, Penis Enlargement Clinic.
11:42Mike, who is incompetent, you or her?
11:45Because she just talked about filibuster reform.
11:48He asked her.
11:49My message is simple.
11:51My message is this.
11:52Yes.
11:53Thank you, Madam Vice President.
11:55Absolutely.
11:56Sam, I just have to ask you, you're a Bears fan, is that right?
11:59Guilty.
12:00She do the sports yet?
12:01She's doing it now.
12:02We're not nervous at all.
12:03With Flacco, forget about it.
12:05I'll bet you a beer that we win by a TD.
12:08What about Ray Rice?
12:09A hell of a lead runner.
12:12Ray Rice.
12:13Ray Rice.
12:14Well, he...
12:16Ray Rice, he play nice.
12:20Vice President.
12:21Thank you so much.
12:22We'll be back next week.
12:23Because if it's Sunday, it's meet the press.
12:29You'll be watching Danny Chung on Face the Nation?
12:33You know, I would, but I've got a game of solid here going on,
12:36so I think I'll give that a skip.
12:38Long-term beltway money's on him as presidential material.
12:41Oh, really?
12:42Yeah.
12:43Well, I'd be surprised, because technically he's not an American.
12:47I mean, because he wasn't born here, you know,
12:50not because he's half, uh, Chinese, um, you know,
12:56because his parents...
12:57Well, I've got to go.
12:58Okay.
12:59But it was a pleasure talking to you.
13:00Thank you so much.
13:01Did you get it?
13:02I got it.
13:03Oh.
13:05Um...
13:06Um, listen, uh, they wouldn't have recorded that, right?
13:09I mean, I had the mic on, but I don't think it was hot.
13:11Do you think?
13:12Yeah, I hope to God they didn't.
13:14I didn't say he was bad because he's part Chinese.
13:18No, no, no.
13:19He's not bad to be Chinese.
13:20No.
13:21Can you go speak to the sound guy?
13:22I can't do it because it'll make it look like a thing.
13:24I don't want to make it look like a thing.
13:26Mm.
13:27So maybe I can't...
13:28I'll do it.
13:29No, no, no.
13:30Gary, Gary.
13:31Come on.
13:32I'll do it.
13:33I think actually he should go talk to the sound guy.
13:36Yeah.
13:37Okay.
13:38Do you have any ideas on what I should say?
13:40You were offered to do this.
13:41What was your plan?
13:42That was my plan, was to go over there, walk over there.
13:43I just need some ideas on what to say.
13:44Gary, Gary.
13:45Gary.
13:46Just give it a light touch.
13:47No import to it.
13:49Okay.
13:50What does that mean?
13:51Just talk to him like a working guy to working guy.
13:55It's casual.
13:56Got it.
13:57Mano a mano.
13:58Ah.
13:59Okay.
14:00Okay.
14:01Christ.
14:02Even in Spanish, you know, it doesn't sound like it's gonna work.
14:05It totally might have just been me, but kind of did it sound a little glitchy in the end
14:12or anything like that?
14:13You're saying I can't do my job?
14:15No.
14:16Oh, God, no.
14:17It's bad?
14:18Well, it just went from like a smiley guy to a frowny guy.
14:21I just need to know if everything's okay.
14:23You know, working guy to working guy.
14:27You know.
14:28Listen, working girl.
14:30Okay.
14:31Yeah.
14:32I didn't hear any glitches.
14:33All I heard was the sound of a fuck up.
14:37Okay.
14:38Sending Gary over there was crazy.
14:40Yeah.
14:41He was completely out of his element.
14:42Yeah.
14:43I agree.
14:44I agree.
14:46Hey, we're getting some press interest on this already.
14:48Oh.
14:49Yeah, we are.
14:50We are.
14:51It's still non-narrative.
14:52No momentum yet.
14:53Ma'am, I thought you might want me in the office given the circumstances.
14:56How do you know about the circumstances?
14:57Well, I'm Sue.
14:58It's my job to know everything, Amy.
14:59So it's definitely out there, out there.
15:01No, no, no.
15:03It's not out there, out there.
15:04Well, I heard about it, Dan.
15:05So it sort of is out there, out there.
15:06That's why I'm in here, in here, Dan.
15:08Jonah's coming.
15:09Jonah's coming.
15:10Oh, fuck.
15:11All right, what do I do?
15:12I mean, what if he doesn't know that it's not definitely out there, out there?
15:14Should I tell him that?
15:15You don't want to give a loaded gun to that walking silo.
15:17Don't make it a thing until it's a thing.
15:19Do you have any idea?
15:20Bad news, everyone.
15:22This hasn't hit the mainstream media yet.
15:24It was out of context.
15:25But a crane has collapsed onto a ship at Portsmouth, Virginia.
15:30God, how horrible.
15:32Wait, what was out of context?
15:34I thought you were going to give me shit about filibuster reform.
15:37Oh, well, the White House was very much under the moon about that, but let's reboot.
15:43The President is stuck in economic talks.
15:45We need a VPVP.
15:47A what?
15:48Vice Presidential Visual Presence.
15:49You can't just make up acronyms, Jonah.
15:51Somebody asked you, Mike.
15:52No, I don't.
15:54Okay, well, then we should head on down there.
15:56Let's get the ball rolling.
15:57Let's get there as soon as possible.
15:59And, yeah, we've got it handled.
16:00Oh, Jonah.
16:01That's a good look for you.
16:03What do you call that?
16:04Bi-casual?
16:05Uh, thanks, Mike.
16:06But it's Sunday.
16:07I work hard, I work fast, and I get hot legs.
16:09I still let the whale hang loose.
16:11Who am I offending?
16:12Uh, show of hands?
16:13Right here.
16:15Okay, well, I think that worked out pretty good.
16:20Ah, just confirmed two fatalities, 24 injured so far.
16:24I didn't mean it like that.
16:27Dan, we're going to a hospital.
16:29Do you have a suit that you can change into?
16:31I have five.
16:32Okay.
16:33Do you have something that could fit the McClintock shape
16:36that's not a Santa suit?
16:38I got something.
16:40Well, we're going to a hospital.
16:42We're not going trick-or-treating.
16:52Hi, Ashley.
16:53Mike McClintock, Vice President's Office.
16:55Madam Vice President, this is Ashley, the hospital administrator.
16:59Ashley.
17:00Thank you so much for coming.
17:02It really means a lot.
17:03Well, let me tell you something.
17:05Being here for the American people is one of the privileges
17:07of this job.
17:08It's a sad privilege, of course.
17:10But it's a privilege nonetheless.
17:12Yes, yes.
17:13I don't know if all these people are bereaving,
17:15so just converse generally.
17:16Right.
17:17Converse generally.
17:18What about the weather?
17:19Not about the weather.
17:20It is unseasonably warm, though.
17:22Mm-hmm.
17:23Mm-hmm.
17:24So, Madam Vice President, if you just come with me,
17:26I'll show you to some of our families.
17:28Oh, well, however I can be of service.
17:30How do you do, sir?
17:31Oh, my goodness.
17:32You got so hurt.
17:33Well, it's a great hospital, isn't it?
17:35It is.
17:36Oh, dear.
17:37Look at your neck.
17:38Hi, sir.
17:39Don't turn your head.
17:40I'll give you a little squeeze on your hand.
17:42Well, you seem just fine.
17:44I'm not really.
17:45Aw.
17:46Internal.
17:47Internal.
17:48Mm.
17:49This is the family.
17:50They're waiting to hear about their son.
17:52Oh.
17:53Hold on.
17:54No, no, not yet.
17:55This is a private moment.
17:56This is not a photo op.
17:57How the world changes.
17:58Mm.
17:59Oh, and then you're enjoying this amazing sunshine.
18:03Well, it's unseasonably warm.
18:06And the next year, our whole world's going to pieces.
18:10Oh, gosh.
18:11This is the surgeon.
18:13How do you do, sir?
18:14Dr. Grave here.
18:15Any news, doctor, about our son?
18:17Sam's going to make it.
18:18Oh.
18:19Oh.
18:20OK, guys, I got a little sound bite for you.
18:22I'll nibble on right here.
18:24Oh, that is just fantastic.
18:26Very good.
18:27Well, doctor, we appreciate your hard work.
18:29Good news.
18:30I just want to say how grateful we are to all of our most capable doctors and nurses.
18:37So grateful.
18:39And I'd also like to say, if for some reason we find out that there was negligence that
18:45caused this accident, those who are responsible are going to have the White House to answer
18:54to.
18:56That's right.
18:57Thank you for being here, Madam Vice President.
18:59You are a good woman.
19:01Yeah.
19:02Yeah.
19:03And you're not afraid to say what's on your mind.
19:05Oh, very true.
19:06I'm going to say this.
19:07I always try to speak as honestly as I can.
19:11I heard what you said about those people.
19:13Half Chinese.
19:14You get my vote.
19:15In my hand.
19:16Technically, he's not an American.
19:18It's like they invaded us.
19:19I mean.
19:20It's true, ma'am.
19:21They're taking over our ports.
19:22It's like they've invaded us.
19:23Yeah.
19:24Yeah.
19:25You want to be president?
19:26No way.
19:27Come on.
19:28This is the White House, not the Yellow House.
19:29Yeah.
19:30Come on, Selena.
19:31USA!
19:32USA!
19:33USA!
19:34USA!
19:35USA!
19:36USA!
19:37USA!
19:38USA!
19:39USA!
19:40You have to get Chung on the phone right away, Amy.
19:43And shut this thing down, Amy.
19:44Dialing now.
19:45Yes, speaking of.
19:46What?
19:47I am.
19:48Oh, hello.
19:49Hi.
19:50Yes, I have the Vice President for you.
19:51Uh, Governor?
19:52Hi.
19:53How are you?
19:54I don't.
19:55I don't know if you, um.
19:56If you saw the footage today from, um.
19:57Meet the Press.
19:58Um.
19:59But.
20:00You know.
20:01That is not, um.
20:02What I meant.
20:03And it certainly isn't what I think.
20:04Well.
20:05Let's just put it this way.
20:06What I was trying to say was.
20:07Jesus Christ!
20:08Oh my God!
20:09Oh!
20:10Oh!
20:11Oh!
20:12Gary, that was.
20:13I fucking hate you!
20:14I hate you!
20:15I hate you!
20:16I hate you!
20:17I hate you!
20:18I hate you!
20:19I hate you!
20:20I hate you!
20:22I fucking.
20:23Flesh.
20:24That you just.
20:25Hello?
20:26Trapped in there.
20:27Oh.
20:28I'm so sorry.
20:29Keep trying.
20:30Alright.
20:31That's enough.
20:32All I am saying is that if Senator Doyle pulls that meeting.
20:36There is not going to be a lot of availability for a while.
20:39Jennifer.
20:40Quite frankly.
20:41I had more windows in my first apartment than the VP currently has in her schedule.
20:46What's going on?
20:47Well.
20:48You know what?
20:49If Chung doesn't call back.
20:50I can just take him down for disrespecting the office.
20:53How about that?
20:54Yes.
20:55We just lost the numbers on filibuster reform.
20:57What did you just say?
20:58Yeah.
20:59Yeah.
21:00Senator Doyle has just withdrawn his support.
21:02Something Amy said at Chung's book launch.
21:04He was still upset about clean jobs.
21:07Which is on you Dan because you put sitting person on the task force.
21:10Oh!
21:11Sure.
21:12You know what?
21:13I blame George Washington.
21:14If he hadn't started this whole form of government.
21:15Then we wouldn't be in this fucking first place.
21:16Okay.
21:17Okay.
21:19What am I supposed to do now?
21:20Tell me that.
21:21I'm supposed to call Doyle and beg him to come back?
21:25I'm the Vice President of the United States.
21:28You stupid little fuckers.
21:29These people should be begging me.
21:33That door should be half its height.
21:35So that people can only approach me in my office on their goddamn motherfucking knees.
21:39I can't lose Doyle.
21:41Who else has a bucket full of senators?
21:43Cut Doyle loose.
21:44All right?
21:45Call his bluff.
21:46All right.
21:47Take the aisle to the Immigration Reform Caucus.
21:48What?
21:49You want to break out the white pointy hoods too ma'am?
21:52Look, we throw them a few commitments to their cause in exchange for support on filibuster
21:56reform.
21:57This is easy.
21:58Once you go down that dark country road, the lights go out and the scarecrows come to life.
22:02Yeah.
22:03Anyone hear the banjo music?
22:04Look Mike, that's what you always hear because mentally you're in a fucking hammock on a
22:07back porch.
22:08Dan, this isn't fantasy politics.
22:09Stop it!
22:10Stop it!
22:11This is a win for you on Senate reform and it's also another big win for you with the
22:16president on immigration.
22:17All right?
22:18Win big, win big.
22:20I don't know.
22:21Maybe you and Dan should go down and talk to, um, the senator from Arizona.
22:27The one who wants to random search people in ponchos.
22:30Oh, Bill.
22:31O'Brien.
22:32Yeah.
22:33Yeah.
22:34He's got a lot of sway with the pro-Caucasian caucus.
22:35All right, so we get O'Brien who brings us Macaulay and Conliff.
22:39Is Macaulay the one with the nose hair problem?
22:42Like he's got two raccoons in his nostrils?
22:44Seven to Doyle's five.
22:45I mean, this is a filibuster slam dunk.
22:47Chong is on TV live.
22:49What?
22:50Get it on.
22:51Where's the remote?
22:52Get it on, Mike.
22:53It's in the bowl.
22:54The remote's in the bowl.
22:55Sue, where's the clicker?
22:56Where's the clicker?
22:57Oh, it's in the, guys, it's in the credenza.
22:58Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
22:59What channel?
23:00Any live TV.
23:01Mike, no, Mike, don't touch that remote.
23:02You're going to launch a nuke or something.
23:03Sue?
23:04A few brief words about the comments that were made earlier today.
23:05Despite what is said in some dark corners of the internet, we have learned that the
23:07What?
23:08Is Captain Fuckin' America?
23:09What's happening here?
23:10Good job, Amy.
23:11That is not the information I was given by Scott.
23:12I had a quiet word with one of her staff regarding the thoroughness of their research techniques.
23:13What did Scott use as a research technique?
23:14I don't know.
23:15I don't know.
23:16I don't know.
23:17I don't know.
23:18I don't know.
23:19I don't know.
23:20I don't know.
23:21I don't know.
23:22I don't know.
23:23I don't know.
23:24I don't know.
23:25I don't know.
23:26I don't know.
23:27I don't know.
23:28I don't know.
23:29I don't know.
23:30I don't know.
23:31I don't know.
23:32I don't know.
23:33I don't know.
23:34I don't know.
23:35I just don't know.
23:36You're saying Scott uses a resource to deal with a fuckin' drug report?
23:37Second generation Chinese American...
23:40Bathroom walls.
23:41...who have responsible to risk my life for this country.
23:43I've got a purple heart on my chest, but the one that beats inside of me is red, white
23:49and blue.
23:50No, he didn't.
23:51Moore!
23:52He didn't say that.
23:53He is losing his moment.
23:54Jesus Christ.
23:55Common truth.
23:56I am going to throw up a leg and then I'm going to take that leg and I'm going to beat
24:02Scott to death with it
24:06I'm gonna go draft a letter of apology to the king of Minnesota governor Chung
24:11Here's what we're gonna do Mike big fat apology to Chung Amy fuck Doyle. I
24:18Want this bill you guys talk to O'Brien and get that border caucus
24:24Amy put on your dancing shoes and head for the border right now go on
24:30Get a move on
24:33I
24:35Think this is them. No here we go
24:40Hi senator O'Brien, I'm Danny and was spoken the phone pleasure to meet you sir
24:44Well, I have no idea who you are so I don't know whether it's pleasure or not
24:51This is Jack
24:52Hi, Jack. Hi, Amy. Brooke. I'm your vice president's chief of staff chief
24:58Shouldn't that be chief s
25:01Relax missy, I'm just yanking your chain. Absolutely
25:06This place looks nice, huh? Looks like they do a mighty fine plate of ribs
25:10But before we do any ordering I'd like to know if you're going to offend us with some chicken shit deal
25:18That means we have to leave before the food comes
25:21you're fine to order I
25:25Feel so horrible, you know, it's like I've ordered a
25:28Hit on somebody I'm just waiting for the call to say that it's done
25:33It's done
25:36Do you want to do a glass of wine you want some water?
25:40That's man. I want quiet
25:43So long Scott you are professionally dead. Have a nice evening
25:48up here on the eastern seaboard
25:51It's easy to forget what a big slice of
25:54Our country rubs shoulders with a failed state by the name of Mexico
26:01Now if you have bad neighbors who came into your garden every night to crap a buttful of drugs and beans
26:09on your flowers
26:12You might think about building a fence. You're not gonna get a border fence
26:16All right, you're talking about a 3,000 mile long fence great for the construction industry
26:21Yeah, but ironically the only affordable option would be immigrant labor
26:26well, my
26:27Constituents are fed up with feeling outnumbered in their own country. It's Alice. We shouldn't have a
26:34Problem working to preserve a certain kind of American identity
26:39Yes
26:41Now you keep talking like that, sweetheart, and we'll be having cigars at the end of this dinner. Just not Cuban ones
26:51Hey, oh
26:53My god
26:57Yeah, you got anything to make me feel better I do indeed
27:01What is it? Wow, it's about seven inches
27:05hangs between my legs
27:09The thing
27:11Call him sergeant Ted
27:13Okay, well you tell
27:15Sergeant Ted I would like him very much
27:20To drill me in my Oval Office
27:24In fact, I need him to put the finger on the button and come into my rose garden
27:33Sergeant is standing at attention. You know what? I'm coming over there like right away
27:40You know when you come over
27:42Can you try and sneak in incognito?
27:44I got Korean neighbors
27:48Is that some kind of a joke or something it's not funny at all Ted, I mean, I don't know why you would sit
28:00You were you were on the phone. Mm-hmm. Oh, I didn't hear anything. You better not have heard anything. I didn't say anything
28:06Oh
28:10For fuck's sakes. Hey Jonah, what happened to your hot pants? Oh the hot pants picked up some negative traction
28:16I realized now they're unbecoming of my office
28:19I'm just coming in to see if the misunderstanding with governor Chung has been resolved. Yeah, it's all fine and
28:26Dandy and fabulous. Excellent. Well, then I'm gonna go enjoy what's left of my Sunday
28:31I got the latest Grisham on the go and it's just awesome. You should
28:35As well as the funding request
28:37We can offer a commitment that the vice president will oppose immunity for any illegal immigrants who've been here for more than five years
28:44Well
28:46Now you're singing a tune that we may dance to what we just and she will lobby the president and express public support for your
28:53position
28:56All right
28:57I'm going home
28:59Getting fucked every which way sue did the president call? No
29:04If you can deliver that I will appear to love filibuster reform as much as I appear to love my
29:11Idiot son and for my wife's sake I appear to love that wretched shit-net a lot
29:20Good night. Let's go Jack. Good to see you guys could learn a new word today compromise. What do you say maybe halfway?
29:34I
29:38Might be able to sleep tonight
29:40That was fucking dark. You've gone up like ten levels of my estimation, but I've gone down like a hundred in my own
29:46Sometimes I gotta go down to go up
29:49And I am taking the credit for this I tunneled through this shit I get the dirty glory it is me who tell Selena the good
29:56news
29:59I
30:01Here's the vice president
30:03She has gone home for the evening. Why?
30:07Something about getting fucked every which way
30:10Direct quote god. Yeah, I heard something on the phone. Oh god. Oh god. How many times can she be underneath that?
30:19She's got such a little body and he seemed like a big man who he who's he?
30:24Somebody talk about something else anything I gotta get these images out of my head. Can we talk about our favorite band or something?
30:31Yes, who else were you into Mike apart from the Eagles?
30:35Grateful dead. Well, it's the name of your favorite horror house too, right?
30:38Oh, I can't wait to get home and burn my clothes. Don't fuck up that suit Mike
30:44All right. Good night, Sue
30:54Dan you have about 10 seconds to stop distracting me or the next thing that they'll find at the back of that couch are your remains
31:01If you like I can go sit in the vice president's office. Excuse me