Veep Season 1 Episode 3 Catherine
Veep Season 1 Episode 3 Catherine
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Did you see that caption underneath the photo of me from the Hennessy fundraiser?
00:20Who's the real first lady?
00:21Sex is bullshit.
00:22Can't get drawn into it.
00:24Comparing our clothing budgets and our stylists, like that's all we care about?
00:28And that Mark Rivera called me a diva in his column, stupid fucking midget.
00:34Clearly he hasn't heard you sing.
00:37The guy's a dick.
00:38Hey Gary, did you find me a dog yet?
00:40Yeah.
00:41I've selected a few candidates.
00:42Or should I say canine-didates?
00:43Nope, you shouldn't say that.
00:44Let me see.
00:45What do you think of that?
00:46A terrier?
00:47Yeah.
00:48No way!
00:49A terrier's a diva dog.
00:53Forget it.
00:54I don't need a ball of yappy hair shitting its body weight every thirty minutes.
00:57Do you want a cat?
00:58I can get you a cat.
00:59No.
01:00No.
01:01I feel like a bad mom, you know?
01:02Because I never let Catherine get a dog when she was little, you know, so this is a fresh
01:06start for us.
01:07It's parental ground zero.
01:08Oh, wow!
01:09Look at this!
01:10Twenty years in D.C.?
01:11Congratulations.
01:13I didn't think you guys would eat the pineapple.
01:14Listen, you're a dog person, right?
01:15What kind of dog do you have?
01:16I have a real dog.
01:17Simon.
01:18Black Labrador.
01:19Simon.
01:20What an unbelievable name.
01:21I guess he just looked like a Simon.
01:22Go on.
01:23Get the photo out, Mike.
01:24I don't think we need to see the photo.
01:25Oh, I'd love to see a photo.
01:26Sure.
01:27Let me see.
01:28Yeah.
01:29Such a shiny coat, no?
01:30How do you get that coat so shiny, Mike?
01:31Uh, keep him hydrated.
01:32Lots of water, you know?
01:33To drink or apply directly to the coat?
01:34Uh, leave my fake dog alone.
01:35You know, I was just thinking, maybe we should get a real dog.
01:36A real dog.
01:37A real dog.
01:38A real dog.
01:39A real dog.
01:40A real dog.
01:41A real dog.
01:42A real dog.
01:43A real dog.
01:44A real dog.
01:45A real dog.
01:46A real dog.
01:47A real dog.
01:48A real dog.
01:50You know, I was just thinking, maybe we should get a rescue dog.
01:52Because it'll play great.
01:53As long as it's not one of those animals with three legs and a wheel.
01:57Hmm.
01:58Four legs good, three legs bad.
01:59I got it.
02:01Wassup, as they say in the late 90's.
02:03Hey, Jonah.
02:04Did the President cancel the Chinese premiere to come to my 20th party?
02:08No ma'am.
02:09Although, I'm sure he wouldn't miss it for the world if it weren't for the fact that
02:12he runs the world.
02:14I'm sure his absence has nothing to do with your rift with the First Lady.
02:18What?
02:19There is no rift.
02:21It was one tiny little disagreement,
02:23and everyone's making it out like we had a cat fight
02:26in the map room or something.
02:28She'd be a rough fighter, though.
02:29She's got big shoulders. Those aren't pads.
02:31Oh, ma'am, POTUS also wanted to know
02:33when you'll be announcing the oil guy
02:35that's gonna be going on the Clean Jobs Task Force?
02:37This bozo Mike's on it.
02:39So today? Tomorrow?
02:41Well, he could be understanding, Mike.
02:42Ha, ha.
02:43And as regards to rift rumors,
02:45I'll keep my ear to the ground for you.
02:46Be careful your ears don't pop on the way down.
02:48Okay, can everybody come in here, please?
02:51Come on.
02:52Right. We're gonna have to shut down
02:54this story about me and the First Lady.
02:56I mean, it means we're gonna have to undiva my party.
02:58We're gonna have to lose those huge photos of me.
03:01No. I like those.
03:02I know. They're great photos. I know.
03:04But there's no way we can have them.
03:05No, that's a good idea. We don't want you to look like Stalin.
03:08I was gonna say Eva Peron.
03:10Yeah, I prefer that comparison.
03:12Less of a mustache. And you know what?
03:14Actually, she was kind of chic.
03:15Gorgeous. Mm-hmm. Looks like Madonna.
03:17Yeah.
03:20Uh, Mike, have you announced Chuck yet?
03:23I'm still working on it, Amy.
03:24Oh, come on. This is not the Hoover Dam.
03:26Yeah, it is the Hoover Dam, filled with shit.
03:28And when we announced Chuck Furnham, an ex-oil guy,
03:31on the Clean Jobs Task Force,
03:32do you know what happens with all that shit, Amy?
03:35Uh, does it get used in a clumsy and unpleasant analogy by you?
03:39Look, Amy, oil already hates me
03:41because we're closing their tax loopholes
03:42and making them pay for clean-ups.
03:44So now I'm eating everyone's shit.
03:45I'm like the last guy in a human centipede with this.
03:48And there it is.
03:49We just gotta put one guy on clean jobs,
03:52Chuck's oily, but he's not evil-oily.
03:54He's ex-oil. Yeah.
03:56Okay. You put it out today.
03:57Today? Half of D.C.'s at Senator Reeves' dedication ceremony.
04:01Well, then you put it out there.
04:03I thought it might be disrespectful, but you're right.
04:05He was rapey Reeves.
04:07When was that guy ever respectful?
04:10Okay, your daughter gets here in two hours.
04:13God, today feels like the perfect storm, doesn't it?
04:15Yeah. Hurricane Selina.
04:17Yeah.
04:18Uh-oh, wait a minute.
04:20Does that exist? Hurricane Selina?
04:22Oh, I don't...
04:23Can we run a check on that?
04:24I'm binging it.
04:28Truthful, Dan and Jonah out, please.
04:31And just so you know, this is also what would happen if we were in a lifeboat.
04:34You're not gonna believe this.
04:36Selina is on next year's list of hurricanes.
04:38Oh, shit.
04:40What if it hits and we get headlines saying
04:42Selina causing large-scale devastation?
04:44People won't acquit you with a natural disaster, ma'am.
04:47Really, Amy? Because I've met some people, okay?
04:50Real people, and I gotta tell you, a lot of them are fucking idiots.
05:00Oh, my God. You see this?
05:02The Senator Reeves Recreation Center.
05:04Did you know old Grandpa Fumblepants couldn't even swim?
05:06Mm-mm.
05:08He would just hang out in the shallow end and stare.
05:11You know what his favorite stroke was?
05:13Uh, was it dick stroke?
05:15It was dick stroke.
05:17Oh, widow, widow, widow, widow.
05:19He's just such a wonderful man.
05:21Thank you so much, Selina.
05:22Oh, look at him here.
05:24He is so happy.
05:26I'm sorry about your shoot with the First Lady.
05:29Oh.
05:30You know, is it true that she stole your stylist?
05:33Yes.
05:34You know, the newspapers just make all this up.
05:36Sorry, ma'am. This is the president calling.
05:38I just can't wait. I apologize.
05:40Oh, I have to take this. Will you excuse me?
05:42Yes. Hi, Mr. President.
05:44FYI, ma'am, the president is not calling.
05:46FYI, Gary, no shit.
05:53Check announced yet?
05:54I'm waiting for the perfect time, okay?
05:56You are like a earlobe.
06:00You're just there, just wobbling.
06:03You know, Doyle is right there.
06:04I know.
06:05Do it now.
06:06I will.
06:07Senator Doyle.
06:08Stop.
06:09Mike wanted a word, if you don't mind.
06:11Mr. Klintock, you are well?
06:13Yes, sir. Very good, sir.
06:14Oh, holy shit, these mushrooms are amazing.
06:17What is it, Mike?
06:18Must be ricotta or something in there.
06:20Well, that's funny.
06:21Yeah.
06:22Goody, I love humor.
06:23Yeah.
06:24I have a hypothetical for you.
06:25Okay.
06:26What would you say if we announced Chuck Furnham to the Clean Jobs Task Force?
06:30Furnham?
06:31Yeah, Chuck.
06:32Well, that would be a betrayal from the Veep.
06:35So I imagine that I would mix apeshit with batshit, raise it to a whole new level of fury.
06:41Then I'd probably rip your face off and use your eye sockets as a sex toy.
06:48It's just a hypothetical like yours.
06:51Chuck would just be token oil.
06:53Oil would think he's their Trojan horse.
06:55He'd be a hollow horse.
06:56But not a hollow horse.
06:58That's a Trojan horse.
06:59He'd be a hollow Trojan horse, sir.
07:01I was promised no one from oil.
07:04Chuck's not oil.
07:05He retired a year ago.
07:06Yeah.
07:07From oil.
07:08Now I fucking want to speak to the vice president.
07:10Okay.
07:11Hurricane forecast is looking good and your daughter's just arrived at the office.
07:15Great.
07:16That's our cue.
07:17Hallows.
07:18Hallows.
07:19Hurricane Hallows.
07:20Hi.
07:21Barbara.
07:22Hello.
07:23I'm so sorry, Senator Brown.
07:24The president is calling.
07:26Oh, dear.
07:27I'm sorry.
07:28Excuse me just for one second.
07:29Well, listen, while you take your fake phone call, is it okay if I steal Dan for a second?
07:32Or should I say steal Dan back?
07:34Could you hold on just one second?
07:36You know what?
07:37Actually, this phone call is not fake.
07:38And Dan is his own man.
07:40He can go wherever he wants.
07:41Okay.
07:42I'm sorry to keep you holding, Mr. President.
07:44This way, Dan.
07:45You know who's the fucking diva?
07:46That's the fucking diva.
07:47That one.
07:49So how's college?
07:50It's good.
07:51You know, except for the whole secret service detail, I think I'm actually...
07:55Office of the vice president.
07:56...starting to blend in.
07:57No, at lunchtime she eats lunch.
07:59Goodbye.
08:02Have you chosen a new dog yet?
08:05What dog?
08:06Your mom's getting a dog.
08:08Apologies if that was a secret.
08:10Office of the vice president.
08:12You dumped my daughter by text and didn't even apologize.
08:16Oh, no, I did.
08:17I signed off with a colon, open brackets.
08:20Listen, is Selena really trying to appease the oil lobby with Chuck Furnham?
08:24I suppose Chuck could be viewed as a gesture.
08:26Chuck is a gesture, all right.
08:28Do you know what these oil wise guys call him?
08:31They call him, who the fuck is Chuck Furnham.
08:34Chuck Furnham's at 1215.
08:36And now he's at 12.
08:37Now he's here.
08:38Madam vice president.
08:39Chuck, how are you?
08:41I was promised movement on the green jobs.
08:43Yes.
08:44Between us, we might possibly make your announcement today.
08:49Yes.
08:50Yes.
08:51Right.
08:52Oh, my.
08:53Fantastic.
08:54Thank you, ma'am.
08:55And, you know, I've been thinking ever since I saw them.
08:58Your grandchildren, Marion and...
09:00Richard.
09:01Yes, Richard.
09:02And I have some vice president M&M's that I would love for them to have.
09:07You see the seal right there?
09:09Except we'll need another one because there are two grandchildren.
09:12I'm out.
09:13You're out?
09:14I'm out.
09:15Oh.
09:16Well, that's a shame.
09:17I don't know how that happened.
09:18Okay.
09:19Thank you so much.
09:20You're so welcome.
09:21Wake up, Dan.
09:22This is oil.
09:23You nominate Chuck Furnham, and these guys will fucking take his head off with a shovel.
09:27Selena needs to find somebody else.
09:29Glad you didn't enjoy this.
09:31Carol Hallows.
09:32Hi.
09:33Oh, Mrs. Reeves, I am so sorry for your loss.
09:37Your husband was a massive player, politically speaking, of course.
09:42I'm Jonah.
09:43I work at the White House.
09:45Are you okay, man?
09:47Oh, I'm sorry.
09:48I didn't even realize.
09:49Are you okay?
09:50Could you please get me a glass of water?
09:52You know what?
09:53There aren't any waiters, at least that I've seen.
09:55Jonah, would you please get her a glass of water?
09:58Absolutely.
09:59Of course.
10:00Of course.
10:01I guess all those tears must be dehydrating.
10:02I don't think it works like that.
10:04You know, I'll just get the water.
10:06Okay.
10:07Cock-blocking widow.
10:09Senator Doyle went black swan over Chuck.
10:12He says we promised him no oil.
10:14I implied to Chuck that we would announce today.
10:17Shit.
10:18Is he senile enough to forget?
10:20Hey.
10:21How was Hallows?
10:22Dan, hi.
10:23I hate Chuck Furnham.
10:24Wait, what?
10:25Yeah, she's predicting all kinds of backlash from oil.
10:27How could oil not like Chuck Furnham?
10:29He's not oily enough.
10:31Oh.
10:32Unconnected.
10:33For all the reasons that we loved him, they hate him.
10:35Okay, so now we have two Catch-22 situations simultaneously.
10:40Is there even a name for that?
10:42How about Catch-44?
10:44Okay, I'm going to run it by an oil lobbyist.
10:47Cindy Purcell is right there.
10:48Oh, good.
10:49Do that, Amy.
10:50Okay.
10:51Go, Amy.
10:52Well, most of the party photos need to be removed.
10:55I don't know.
10:56Use your instincts and your eyes.
10:58Then your hands and arms.
11:01It's really nice that my mom's getting a new dog.
11:04Hey, Catherine, do you want some more coffee or...
11:06No, I'm still drinking this one.
11:09You know, you don't have to entertain me.
11:11I'm cool with my own thoughts.
11:12Oh, thank God.
11:13Because I'm getting emails like every other heartbeat.
11:18Oh, hi, Sydney.
11:19How are you?
11:20Oh, good.
11:21You know, full of free shrimp.
11:22Hey, here's the thing.
11:23Clean jobs.
11:24Clean jobs.
11:25Yeah, what's going on there?
11:26You guys got a name yet?
11:28You too afraid of wrecking the Earth's resources to print up a press release?
11:32I was actually going to run a name by you.
11:34Don't say Chuck Furnham.
11:36Do not say Chuck Furnham.
11:38If you say Chuck Furnham, I will go into anaphylactic fucking shock.
11:43I'm saying Chuck Furnham.
11:44Fucking hell, are you kidding me?
11:46Chuck Furnham?
11:47That's fucking official?
11:48Chuck is oil?
11:49No, no, no.
11:50Hey, I'm sorry.
11:51No, he's not oil.
11:52He's a fucking fossil, but he's not oil.
11:54We need somebody who is plugged in.
11:57The only thing that Chuck is plugged into is his fucking piss bag.
12:00Your comments are noted.
12:02Oh, good.
12:04I love being noted.
12:05I said fuck Chuck.
12:07Okay, Chuck is dead, and we're going to just have to keep him quiet
12:10because this whole place is swarming with poor reporters
12:13who are on pervert memorial duty.
12:15Your job, Mike, is to keep him in your sight until we find a replacement.
12:20Okay.
12:21Where'd he go?
12:22He must be in the bathroom.
12:23My prostate aches.
12:24Get in there, Mike.
12:25Go.
12:26This in no way will be demeaning.
12:27Just pretend you're picking them up.
12:28And he's blind.
12:29Mayday at ten o'clock.
12:30Senator Doyle is approaching.
12:32Sidney Purcell, too.
12:33Five o'clock.
12:34Doyle's is at quadrant three.
12:35Right behind you.
12:36Right behind you.
12:37We've got to get out of here.
12:38Widow walk, all right?
12:39People don't shout at you when you're standing next to the dead man's grieving widow.
12:42That's very kind.
12:43Nice.
12:44I'm Dan Negan.
12:45I'm with the vice president.
12:46I just wanted to tell you how much I thought of your husband.
12:48Well, thank you.
12:49What a handsome young man.
12:51Quite the will of yourself.
12:52You're back.
12:53Yes, I'm back.
12:54Unfortunately, we're just about to leave, but I wanted to say...
12:56Uh-oh, but if you could perhaps walk the vice president out to her?
12:59Delightful.
13:00It would give us a chance for some juicy gush.
13:02Okay.
13:03Now, is it true that the first lady calls you Creepy VB?
13:09I'm very excited about it.
13:11Goodbye.
13:12What are you excited about, Chuck?
13:14Are you the new face of Louis Vuitton?
13:16Have you been telling people about your appointment to clean jobs?
13:19What's the problem?
13:20The vice president told me it's as good as announced.
13:23As good as announced is not announced.
13:26You are as good as dead, but you're not actually dead.
13:29Not yet.
13:31Okay, Doyle and the party hate me because of Chuck, and oil hates me because of Chuck.
13:37First lady hates you because you're prettier.
13:39Yeah, that's not what we're talking about right now, okay?
13:42I need time. Do I have time? Get me more time.
13:46You're supposed to be having lunch with Catherine.
13:48Shit! Gary, call Sue.
13:51What do you want me to tell her?
13:52Tell her that I'm canceling the lunch that was supposed to prove there's nothing more important than Catherine,
13:57because something more important than Catherine has come up.
14:00Hi, Sue.
14:01That's okay, Gary. I got all that.
14:03Okay.
14:04Mom should be here momentarily.
14:12Oh, she's...
14:14Oh, there's my girl, my college girl.
14:18Hi, mother.
14:19Hi, darling. I'm sorry to keep you waiting, baby. Sorry.
14:23It's okay. I was just bonding with Sue, so...
14:25Oh, good. Oh, Sue, did the president call?
14:29No. No.
14:33Okay, well, come. Step into my crib. We can hang.
14:37You guys ditched me at a pervert's memorial. That's some cold shit.
14:40Catherine, hey.
14:42Hey, buddy.
14:44We need to talk, so I have to have a little meeting to find out what the F word is going on around here.
14:51Okay.
14:52We do this quick. That's right.
14:54Dan, why don't you look after Catherine while we attend to this urgent policy matter?
14:58Dan, you've never met Catherine. Have you met Catherine?
15:01No.
15:02No, you haven't. Come here. Come here. Come, come.
15:04Catherine, this is Dan.
15:07Hi.
15:08He works in yo mama's office.
15:10Hi.
15:11Hi.
15:12So, um, why don't you tell, uh, Dan about the, um, you know, the, um, um...
15:18Experimental theater course?
15:21Uh, sure. Yeah. You can talk to him about that.
15:25You can talk about anything.
15:28Anything.
15:29Anything.
15:30Anything.
15:31Anything.
15:32Anything.
15:33Talk, talk, talk.
15:35Um, now that we have the permission to talk about anything, um, have you ever read Faulkner before?
15:46Um, a little bit.
15:50Chuck Furnham leaked. Now what are our options, Mike?
15:55Look, I don't know, okay? It's like a fucking Rubik's Cube. I mean, it's impossible at this point.
16:00What, Mike? A Rubik's Cube is not impossible to solve.
16:04I saw a Chinese kid do it in, like, ten seconds.
16:06Ten seconds, Mike?
16:08Let me just have a deep think, okay? I need some me time. Just let me get deep.
16:13He's not wrong. We are in a tight corner.
16:16That's the nature of the job, I guess.
16:18Ooh, I'm not complaining. I am glad to be off dogs and hurricanes and back in a good old Washington shitstorm.
16:23Speaking of dogs, uh, what's happening in that department?
16:26I'm on it.
16:27Okay.
16:30Have you reached a dog verdict yet? Your mom said your decision is final.
16:35Yeah, this one.
16:38Yeah, it looks astonished, like it's attached in jumper cables or something.
16:43I think he's cute.
16:44Okay, yeah.
16:45Hey, guys.
16:46Honey, you've got to change.
16:48Or you're wearing that.
16:50Are you wearing that?
16:51Yeah, I was planning on it, unless...
16:53Great. Cool. Fantastic.
16:56Can we have just a quick second to chat?
16:58Yes, sure.
17:02Oh, um...
17:03I will get up.
17:04Amy, if I could just talk to you for a quick sec?
17:06Oh, if I could? Okay.
17:08Oh, yeah. Not a problem.
17:10Thank you, darling.
17:13What is that skirt? Is it a rug?
17:15No, I don't think so. I think they do that now.
17:17How is she? Is she good?
17:19Well, you know, yeah. She's her normal self.
17:23Really great.
17:24Oh, good.
17:25So, uh, do we have a plan to solve this Rubik's Cube?
17:28I've been going over the visuals like a...
17:29Here's an idea.
17:30We announce the dog.
17:32Soft wash, breakfast noose, but we tease it out.
17:35We say we're looking for a name.
17:36An ocean of ideas comes pouring in.
17:38Meantime, we're buying time to figure all the other shit out.
17:44That's kind of a great idea.
17:45Okay.
17:46Um, did she, uh, choose a dog, or...?
17:51Woof.
17:52You gotta be fucking kidding me.
17:54I hate these animals. This thing is unbelievably cute.
17:59Ma'am, Senator Doyle just arrived,
18:01and he has a face like he's been stabbed in the groin.
18:03Um, okay, I can't talk for him,
18:05because I'm with my daughter right now.
18:06Perhaps the Widow Walk?
18:07Oh, the Widow Walk!
18:08Madam Vice President!
18:09You're the widow.
18:10Yeah, come, honey, come, honey.
18:11Why are you ignoring me, ma'am?
18:13You're gonna just pretend.
18:14Darling, don't turn around.
18:15Just keep your head towards me.
18:17Just pretend like you're talking seriously to me.
18:21Wait, Mom, what's wrong with your face?
18:23No, nothing, darling. I'm pretending to talk to you.
18:25But we are talking.
18:26No, no, I mean, it's a pretend...
18:32I was given your word, ma'am,
18:34that nobody from oil was gonna be on the task force.
18:37And now I've got this Chuck bullshit.
18:41Andrew, this whole thing is so nuanced,
18:44and I have a ton of interests that I have to square.
18:47Twenty years ago, you had no power, but you had balls.
18:52Now look at you.
18:54Yeah, now look at me.
18:55I have a dick and balls, okay?
18:58Can we not have this?
19:01No, please, don't stop because of me.
19:04This is really interesting.
19:12Hi, I don't think we've had the chance to meet,
19:14but I'm thrilled that you're here.
19:16Congrats on 20 years, indeed.
19:18Madam Vice President.
19:19The Vice President has decided to adopt a rescue animal.
19:22What kind of animal?
19:24Um, it's a dog.
19:26A dog?
19:27What, like your dog, Mike?
19:29Thank you very much.
19:30Andrew Miller, Program Director at Rainforest Conservancy.
19:33Plays the trumpet.
19:34What important work you do, and that's not just the high notes.
19:38I have a recital coming up.
19:40Okay.
19:41Could have said, don't blow it.
19:43No, I'm not going to say that.
19:44Look at Gary go.
19:46He's like a human teleprompter for small talk.
19:49You know what he calls his Gary-oke.
19:51It's so weird.
19:52It's like he's the horse whisperer or something.
19:55Not that I think your mom's a horse.
19:57Jim Wiseman, United Laminates and Guest.
20:00Wife, not his daughter.
20:01Wife, not daughter.
20:02Jim.
20:03Madam Vice President, good to see you.
20:04Oh, it's so good to see you.
20:06Mom's smile is starting to crack.
20:09It's like her divorce face.
20:11Oh, hey.
20:13I come from a broken home, too.
20:15I found that the turmoil made me more focused,
20:18more passionate, more determined to get the things I want.
20:21I'm Jonah, by the way.
20:23I work at the West Wing of the White House.
20:26Supposed to what?
20:27The West Wing of Graceland?
20:29Yeah, I can get you a tour if you'd like.
20:30Yeah, I've seen it before.
20:32Jonah, West Wing.
20:34So how'd the dog announcement go, buddy?
20:36You like a bacon burka?
20:37What does that mean, bacon burka?
20:40Nothing, just if burkas were made of bacon.
20:42See, it's kind of an open secret in Washington
20:44that Mike is an imaginary dog.
20:46Why?
20:47Gets him out of stain late for work.
20:49We call it his bullshitzer.
20:50That's kind of genius.
20:52Thanks, Todd.
20:54Problem? Problem?
20:56Hey.
20:58Last two on the deck of the Titanic, huh?
21:01Yeah, I think I might jump.
21:05You know, I can see right through your shirt.
21:07Is it designed that way?
21:08Ma'am?
21:09Yes?
21:10We have an issue.
21:11The White House says that they would like a, quote,
21:14Sidney Purcell-type figure involved on clean jobs.
21:18The person's fists full of fucks.
21:21We put Sidney Purcell on clean jobs, it's over.
21:24It's done.
21:25No one's going to stomach that.
21:26Well, what do you got?
21:27I kind of want to call them out on their bluff and come up with...
21:30Mr. Purcell.
21:32Hi, Dan Egan, Vice President's Office.
21:34Hi, Dan.
21:35The Vice President would love to have you on the clean jobs task force,
21:38but we both know that would look fucking horrible.
21:41So what we're proposing is this.
21:42Chuck will stay on.
21:43Oh, really?
21:44Okay, so you came over to tell me that you're disappointing the shit out of me.
21:48I didn't know that.
21:49You should have led with that, buddy.
21:51But you will have a private channel to the Veep on all clean job-related issues.
21:57You'll have more influence over policy than the fucking task force.
22:00I'm going to go talk to Katherine.
22:02She just got a new roommate.
22:03I don't need factoids about my daughter, Gary.
22:06Hi, honey.
22:07Look at you.
22:08You're standing all by yourself.
22:09I'm fine, Mom.
22:13Are you hungry, love?
22:14Do you want food?
22:15Uh, no, it's okay.
22:17Okay.
22:20Oh, look here.
22:21They want to take a picture.
22:22Oh, God, no.
22:23Let's do that real quick.
22:24Yeah, put your drink down, babe.
22:25Mom, I really hate pictures.
22:26No, honey, you're pretty.
22:27You just smile now.
22:28Smile.
22:29Katherine, I'm really serious.
22:30Smile, okay?
22:31There you go.
22:33Oh, that's going to be good.
22:35That's going to be sweet.
22:43I heard you have a new roommate.
22:46Uh-huh.
22:48Dilka.
22:49What?
22:50Dilka.
22:51Dilka?
22:52I think her dad's Iranian.
22:54Iranian?
22:55Ah, Senator.
22:57Just wanted to let you know that your noise about Chuck Furnham did the trick.
23:00He's off.
23:01Well, that is great.
23:02Yeah.
23:03How did that happen?
23:04Oh, well, you know, Oil was so pissed that we tried to put lightweight Chuck onto the task force...
23:08What?
23:09...that they forced the president to go with somebody else.
23:11Sydney Purcell.
23:13Sweet Harry fuck.
23:16I need to speak to the vice president.
23:20That's great.
23:21Thank you so much.
23:22Hurricane Selena.
23:23They say they can change the name.
23:24Oh, you're kidding me.
23:25That is incredibly great news.
23:27Well done.
23:28You're changing the name of a hurricane?
23:30Yeah.
23:31There was going to be a Hurricane Selena, and that would have been a disaster for us.
23:37Yeah, naturally.
23:39It's amazing.
23:40You're trying to control the weather.
23:42You are not fucking Thor, Mom.
23:44I'm just going to go do my homework.
23:46No.
23:47Catherine, listen.
23:48It's a much more complicated and nuanced situation, sweetheart.
23:51No, it's really not.
23:52Don't you yes-men ever say no to her?
23:55Of course they do.
23:56Yeah, they do.
23:57Yeah, they do.
23:58Yeah.
23:59Exactly.
24:00All right.
24:01You know what?
24:02You're a little bit out of control.
24:03Come with me.
24:04Out of control?
24:05Yes.
24:06Ow.
24:07No, don't say ow.
24:08You know that didn't hurt.
24:09Get into here.
24:10I need to talk to you for a second.
24:11Not everything is always about you.
24:12I know that everything isn't always about me.
24:15I know that.
24:16You're changing the name of a hurricane, Mom.
24:19This is how it works.
24:21This is real life.
24:23This is complicated.
24:24This is nuanced.
24:25Nuanced?
24:26You need experience.
24:27Mom, stop talking to me like a fucking politician.
24:30I've been trying, Catherine.
24:32I've been trying to talk to you this whole day.
24:34About what?
24:35About everything.
24:36I didn't even know that you had a new roommate.
24:39What's this asshead to tell me?
24:41I know.
24:42And Gary told you.
24:43All you have to do, Mom, is ask.
24:45Seriously.
24:51Okay.
24:52How about this?
24:55Listen.
24:56We are not going to change the name of the hurricane.
24:59Sure.
25:00Thank you, Mom.
25:01I'm sorry I got so upset before.
25:03Look at her apologizing.
25:05Isn't she good to apologize?
25:06Madam Vice President, we need to talk.
25:09Okay.
25:10What can I do for you?
25:11Well, you need to put Chuck Furnham back on the task force.
25:16Wait.
25:17I'm confused.
25:18Because now you're begging me to put back onto the task force
25:22the same person you were begging me to take off of the task force?
25:27When you say it out loud, you know, it does sound...
25:30Kind of idiotic.
25:32Well, but it's not as idiotic as the current filibuster system.
25:36You know what?
25:37I can find a way to get Chuck Furnham on the task force for you, no problem.
25:40Super.
25:41Super.
25:42Thank you, ma'am.
25:43You betcha.
25:44How about that?
25:46Way to go, Dan.
25:48Catch 44.
25:49He caught it.
25:50Pow.
25:51Are you guys all good on clean jobs?
25:53Chuck Furnham is on and...
25:56And Sidney Purcell will stay on as an advisor in an unofficial capacity.
26:01All right.
26:02Ticket.
26:03We can pick up the dog tomorrow.
26:04Oh, great.
26:05I'm sorry.
26:06What are you guys talking about?
26:07We're getting a dog.
26:08It's no big deal.
26:09Why wasn't I told about this?
26:11Why would you be told about that?
26:13Well, the thing is, ma'am, FLOTUS is currently procuring a canine for herself.
26:17The first dog, or F. DOTUS, has been planned for weeks.
26:20We simply can't allow the possibility that your dog will overshadow F. DOTUS.
26:23Stop saying F. DOTUS.
26:24Ma'am, you need to kill the dog.
26:26Not literally, but...
26:27I mean, yeah, if it comes to it, then literally.
26:29No!
26:30Kill the dog?
26:31No, honey.
26:32Our dog?
26:33Where is Mike?
26:34Where is he?
26:35Back to his tits and dip.
26:37You guys, are we seriously gonna let the guy with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do?
26:42Oh, this rapist face gets eight.
26:45Consensually, I might throw in.
26:47Why are we killing the dog?
26:48I just announced it.
26:49Because the first lady is getting one, so now I can't get one.
26:53Why don't I know this?
26:54Because you're incompetent.
26:55Well, you know, here's an idea. Mike's already got a dog.
26:58He's got the whole setup for one, the blankets, the crate, the bowls, all the little toys and stuff.
27:03Why doesn't he take the pooch?
27:04That's a great idea. You know, that'd be a great solution.
27:06Great solution.
27:07Great solution.
27:08Simon is an alpha male.
27:09Actually, I think that is a good idea.
27:11Why are you guys laughing?
27:12Stop.
27:13Mom, seriously, Mike has a fake dog.
27:16Mike has a fake dog. You're like the only one here who doesn't know that.
27:20What?
27:21Yeah, he uses it to get out of stuff, like if he's late.
27:24It's called a shit bull terrier.
27:26It's a bull shih tzu.
27:27Shih tzu.
27:30Is this true, Mike?
27:31It got a little out of hand.
27:33You carry a picture of it in your wallet, Mike?
27:35I just got it from Google Images.
27:37I'm sorry, ma'am. I thought you knew, ma'am.
27:39I would not have been laughing at her for all this time.
27:41Gary knew?
27:42Even fucking Gary knew?
27:44Okay.
27:45You are getting the dog.
27:47You are getting this little rat-faced, repulsive, yappy, decrepit-looking terrier.
27:55Wow.
27:56I'm glad that you were so honest about liking the one that I chose.
28:01Okay, now I've got to deal with that situation, so...
28:05Catherine?
28:06Maybe I got a real excuse now.
28:09Sue's pretty wasted.
28:12Arguably a nine.
28:18Hey, Sue.
28:19Jonah.
28:20You got a convenient opening I can slide into?
28:23Open up a slot for Jonah?
28:25There's not enough alcohol in the world, Jonah.
28:31Didn't say no.
28:32No.
28:34Hey, ma'am, can I get you a glass of wine?
28:36Yeah.
28:38Amy, would you please get that hurricane name changed? I've already done it.
28:42Good.
28:44It's not too diva-like, this party, is it?
28:47No, I think we've got just the right talent.
28:50Yeah.
28:51People definitely aren't having too much fun.
28:53Mm-hmm.
28:54Okay, here we go.
28:59Bottoms up.
29:08So, you want to mingle?
29:10Yeah.
29:11Let's go mingle the shit out of her.
29:13Ernest Langeberry, Lifeboat Association.
29:16He's got a glass eye.
29:18I am so happy you're here.
29:22Jenny Armitage, Disabled Sports of America.
29:25Just had triplets.
29:26Oh, triplets.
29:28Wow.
29:29That must have hurt.
29:31Unless you had a C-section.
29:33Carlos Esqueda, CEO of the NASDAQ-OMX Group.
29:36You ain't got nothing. Use your Spanish.
29:38Su casa es mi casa.
29:40Mi casa es su casa.
29:43Robert Vandermerkel, Head of Gambling Commission.
29:46Pro-gambling, loves to kill.
29:48Hey, there.
29:51Cory Wilkes, Special Advisor to the Supreme Court of Michigan.
29:54Let's get her brother and rage against the machine.
29:57Tell your brother I love his music.
29:59Carrie Stringer, Center for Social Action.
30:01Is it triathlete?
30:03No, he's not.
30:05Hello.
30:07Liam Miller, NASA.
30:09Okay, that's an acronym for National Aeronautics.
30:11Stop it.
30:12Okay.
30:13It's so lame.
30:14The Reverend Terrence Clark, Church of the Living Christ.
30:17He's a baker.
30:18Oh.
30:19I'm a baker.
30:20I'm a baker.
30:21I'm a baker.
30:22I'm a baker.
30:23I'm a baker.
30:24I'm a baker.
30:25I'm a baker.
30:26I'm a baker.
30:27I'm a baker.
30:28I'm a baker.
30:29I'm a baker.
30:30I'm a baker.
30:31I'm a baker.
30:32I'm a baker.
30:33I'm a baker.
30:34I'm a baker.
30:35I'm a baker.
30:36I'm a baker.
30:37I'm a baker.
30:38I'm a baker.
30:39I'm a baker.
30:40I'm a baker.
30:41I'm a baker.
30:42I'm a baker.
30:43I'm a baker.
30:44I'm a baker.
30:45I'm a baker.
30:46I'm a baker.
30:47I'm a baker.
30:48I'm a baker.
30:49I'm a baker.
30:50I'm a baker.
30:51I'm a baker.
30:52I'm a baker.