Veep Season 1 Episode 2 Frozen Yoghurt
Veep Season 1 Episode 2 Frozen Yoghurt
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TVTranscript
00:00I know you have to get going.
00:23I do.
00:24You know, Senator Doyle's kind of a stickler.
00:26Yeah, yeah, he seems like a massive stickler.
00:29Well, like I was saying, the Senator has a lot of time for filibuster reform.
00:33Bottom line, here, Eric, we need him to sponsor this bill.
00:39Excuse me.
00:40God, this gastric bug, it's got my head all jammed up and my ass is like the Thunderdome.
00:47Yeah, boom, come to mama.
00:49Sorry, not you, this.
00:51Excuse me.
00:52Oh my God, this heat is just unbearable.
00:56It's like I feel like a gecko.
00:58Sorry to interrupt, but fuckity do da fuckity yay, Martin at the White House.
01:03What?
01:04Clean jobs task force likely to be greenlit!
01:06Exclamation point.
01:07Yeah!
01:08Oh my God, that is so great for me!
01:12And the country?
01:13Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.
01:15Oh, Amy, good job, Amy.
01:19That's why I get paid the medium bucks.
01:21God, this is legacy stuff.
01:22Yeah, it is.
01:23Polluting corporations held accountable by me.
01:27Dependence on foreign oil ended by me.
01:30Could you stop that?
01:31I'm really close.
01:32I'm going to get Sue to call Martin at the White House.
01:35I still need to say goodbye to Senator Doyle's chief of staff.
01:38Oh, is he still here?
01:40You know what I'm going to do?
01:41Brush past.
01:42Give him a smile to take back to his boss.
01:45Okay.
01:46All right.
01:47Yeah, which way are you going?
01:48Elevator bank.
01:49First door.
01:50Okay.
01:51Yep.
01:52Apologies.
01:53Oh, Sue, did the president call?
01:54No.
01:55No?
01:56How are you, sir?
01:57Oh, yeah.
01:58Things are great.
01:59Good.
02:00Things are great.
02:01So, yeah, the vice president will see you this afternoon.
02:03We'll see the senator and yourself and...
02:06Well, I'll definitely let him know.
02:08This is an interesting piece of paper.
02:10Oh, Madam Vice President, you remember Eric?
02:13Oh, of course.
02:14Eric.
02:15Madam Vice President.
02:16How are you?
02:17I've got a little bit of the bug, but other than that, I'm good.
02:20I'm sorry to hear that.
02:21Well, drink plenty of liquid.
02:23Well, that's sort of a stupid thing to say, isn't it?
02:25Because you can't drink a solid, can you?
02:28Soup?
02:29Well, soup is solid suspended in liquid, so it qualifies as a liquid.
02:34See, Gary was a major UVA in science, so occasionally that's of use.
02:42So we'll see you guys this afternoon.
02:44Great.
02:45Great.
02:46Nice to see you.
02:48So nice to see you.
02:49Take care.
02:50Soup?
02:51Press release for saline approval.
02:53Hey, Mike, you're perspiration.
02:55I know.
02:56Can't help it.
02:57Sign of a healthy body.
02:58There are products available, Mike.
02:59I tried them all.
03:00Sweat right through them.
03:01I got very large pores.
03:03Hey, guys, quick sidebar meeting, okay?
03:06Yeah, yeah.
03:07Sir Loudon's guy canceled.
03:10He has the gastric flu, too.
03:12Facebook status is may God have mercy on my boxers.
03:16Yeah, I saw that.
03:17I liked it.
03:19Hey, Dan, can you get some more oxygen in here, please?
03:22Yeah.
03:23I mean, this thing is completely useless, by the way.
03:26Can move more air by farting.
03:29I'm sure you can, ma'am.
03:31Those don't open.
03:32Those are anti-suicide windows.
03:34They only put those in after you started working here, right, Gary?
03:38So, here's the deal.
03:40Clean jobs in the bag, so that's good.
03:43But we've got filibuster reform talks this afternoon that we've got to deal with.
03:48So, let's nail this, okay, everybody?
03:50Let's seize the agenda.
03:52You're making it sound like a coup.
03:54I'm not going to say I'm not enjoying the president being in South Africa.
03:57God, wearing some kind of shawl at a lion sanctuary.
04:01Did you see that photo?
04:02It's unbelievable.
04:04Anyway, I'm just talking about redefining.
04:08Dan, what was that phrase that you used in our meeting?
04:11What was that?
04:12Two-point me.
04:13Two-point me.
04:14That's exactly right.
04:15I love that.
04:16Ma'am, your two-hour with Glenn Yates just canceled.
04:19He's got the bug.
04:21All right, well, then that means that I've got two hours free.
04:24Let's capitalize on this, you guys.
04:26Come on, let's go somewhere.
04:27Let's meet the public.
04:29You want to normalize it?
04:30Yes, exactly.
04:31I want to meet some regular normals.
04:33Where are we going to find them?
04:34Photo op at the normals and the normalices.
04:36Yes, there's a book fair in Adams Morgan.
04:40You're not going to get a good photo holding a book.
04:42You need something active.
04:43It's like kids read or something.
04:45Kids are unpredictable.
04:46They wet their pants.
04:47Keep it simple.
04:49Frozen yogurt is huge in this town right now.
04:53It's hot out.
04:54Let's go to a store.
04:55There's one that I know that I go to all the time on U Street.
04:58It's owned by three generations of African-Americans.
05:00There's a narrative built right in.
05:02Excellent.
05:03It's perfect.
05:04Done deal.
05:05We can totally normalize with those guys.
05:07That's what we're going to do.
05:08Make it happen, guys.
05:09All right, we're going to a yogurt shop.
05:12When was this two-point-me meeting with Selena?
05:14Oh, are you still tracking my every move?
05:17I thought we agreed to move on.
05:18Move on from what?
05:19We dated for like a week.
05:21It was like getting over mild food poisoning.
05:23Look, Amy, I'm genuinely sorry that my arrival here
05:26has caused you to become so self-conscious
05:28and gain a little weight.
05:30Fuck point you.
05:33Are we early?
05:34Yeah, I want to get there early.
05:36I want the people who are on time to think that they're late.
05:39Oh, mind games.
05:41Love it.
05:42Yeah.
05:43I didn't appreciate the reference to my potential suicide earlier.
05:45I'm not a joke.
05:46Oh, you're the guy with the big bag of lip balm, Gary.
05:48You're fucking Kissinger.
05:49Every single thing you say to me is emasculating.
05:52Do you realize that?
05:53Yes.
05:54I think that Senator Doyle still might go cold on sponsoring this bill.
05:58Well, we got to warm him up because we need his support on
06:01jump the jams or whatever we're calling it now.
06:05Unclog the backlog.
06:06Unclog the backlog?
06:08I do a serious job.
06:10I am next to the Veep more than any other human being.
06:13You are distantly orbiting her.
06:16I'm her moon.
06:20So would you take a bullet for the Veep, Gary?
06:22Oh, my God.
06:23No, no, no, because, you know,
06:25you're right in the line of fire.
06:29It's not my job.
06:30I would help her if she was down.
06:32Right, with the lip balm, if she got shot in the lips,
06:34that could crack them pretty bad.
06:36Great. We missed the elevators.
06:41Doyle is essential, you know.
06:42He's like the Russian doll of the Senate.
06:45Comes with little Senators inside of him.
06:48Hey, Gary, can I have a Kleenex?
06:51Where are my people?
06:52Oh, here they go.
06:53Come on.
06:54Don't shoot, don't shoot.
06:55Please don't shoot.
06:56Shoot him. You can shoot him.
06:58Where the hell did you go?
07:00Dan, you're going to have to go in the limo.
07:02Oh, sure, yeah.
07:03Ma'am, I think we should start ramping up the whole launch of 2.0 right now.
07:07Put a little hint out there about what Kleen Jobs is going to be.
07:10Yeah, I think the same thing.
07:11I can get right on this.
07:13Leon West has given me his private cell.
07:15Oh, good.
07:16All right, let's set up ten minutes of FaceTime with him after the Doyle meeting.
07:19Copy that. I'm on it.
07:31You know what? I'm nervous about Doyle.
07:33He can be a real hog fucker, you know that?
07:36We're going to hand sanitize our man.
07:38You know, I heard Senator Doyle wears pantyhose.
07:42Really?
07:43Yeah, but now that he has that image, he's not that scary.
07:46Oh, listen, tell Dan to start working on the yogurt store, okay?
07:51Gary, Gary, this is way too much.
08:01Okay, let's do that again, all right?
08:04Andrew, how are you?
08:05Madam Vice President, pleasure.
08:07Oh, come on, Selena, please.
08:09Well, let's play this one by the book.
08:12Eric, of course.
08:13Yes, we just saw him this morning.
08:15You spoke about soup.
08:21So, should we get to it?
08:24Let's get to it.
08:25Okay, I'm going to lighten this up a little bit, okay?
08:28Please, please do.
08:29Hi, everybody.
08:34Well, we have a lot to talk about.
08:37Yeah, let's do some talking.
08:39You need me to sponsor this bill.
08:41Yes, I do.
08:43I do need you to do that, and I want to know what you need from me.
08:46What do you need?
08:47You need some non-earmark earmarks.
08:50You need support during your reelection campaign.
08:52I just won't be photographed eating a hot dog or any other phallic food.
08:57Oops.
08:59That was a mistake.
09:01That was a mistake.
09:03I don't really need any of that, ma'am.
09:05Okay.
09:06What I need is very simple.
09:07Actually, what I would like...
09:09No!
09:10What the hell, Eric?
09:12What just happened?
09:13I was going to sneeze on you, and I blocked it.
09:15I'm so sorry, Madam Vice President.
09:17That is nice work, Eric.
09:19I mean, you want to take another shot?
09:20I don't think we're drenched at this end of the table.
09:23Oh, my God.
09:24That scared me to death.
09:25He can be a gold-plated fucking shit gibbon.
09:29He works for you.
09:30The most sneeze in your face, I think, is treason.
09:32Let me get you a cup of coffee.
09:34I would love a cup of coffee.
09:36Oh, my goodness.
09:38Listen, I got this covered now, okay?
09:41Why don't you go round up a few more senators?
09:43Okay, you sure?
09:44Mm-hmm.
09:45Filibuster smackdown.
09:46That's what I call it.
09:47All right.
09:48Dig it.
09:49Oh, wow.
09:50I'm shaking from that.
09:51Are you guys?
09:53No, we perfectly understand Senator Murray's reservations.
09:57Yeah, of course.
09:59She must be guided by her conscience.
10:01No hard feelings whatsoever.
10:04Dan?
10:05Yeah?
10:06I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but can I just say,
10:09you kind of look like an asshole.
10:12Hello.
10:13Did you tell them, Amy?
10:15Oh, come on.
10:16Come on.
10:17I took a bullet for the V.
10:18Why'd you take a bullet, Gary?
10:20It was a sneeze bullet.
10:22Right in the face.
10:23Saved Salita from the bug.
10:24Pure instinct.
10:26It was like a dirty bomb, and I, bam, dived on it.
10:31Hey, hey, it's the Flunkies, and people say you're bad at your jobs.
10:35You here to spy, Jonah?
10:36I'm not here to spy.
10:37I work at the White House, so I can just walk in and say,
10:40I'm from the White House.
10:41What the fuck are you doing?
10:42What?
10:43You work at the White House?
10:45Oh, my God, can I blow you?
10:47Yes, you can.
10:48I will meet you out in the hallway in a few seconds.
10:50Sure, I'll get a stepladder.
10:51Anyway, I work for the White House.
10:53What the fuck are you doing?
10:54Trying to figure out what flavor of frozen yogurt the Veep should get.
11:03Mint.
11:05It implies freshness, trust, traditional values.
11:09Fascinating.
11:10This is one of my areas.
11:11Yeah.
11:12Food choices, seriously, put it up.
11:13Oh, swirl, racial harmony, crossing the aisle.
11:17So it was cookies and cream?
11:19White House, this is Jonah.
11:21Okay.
11:22Watch your head.
11:23Oh, fuck you.
11:24No, not you, sir.
11:27Very excited about this filibuster reform bill.
11:30That is great to hear.
11:32If you can get a Senate reform bill through the place it's designed to reform,
11:37that would be amazing.
11:39Yeah.
11:40I mean, that would be like persuading a guy to fist himself.
11:46Jesus Christ.
11:50Tell me, Mr. Flatterbox, what do you need from me, really?
11:53Well, I need you to keep oil guys off the Clean Jobs Task Force.
12:00Don't do this to me.
12:01I'm going to do it to you.
12:03This is a nuanced area.
12:05You are not in the pocket of oil.
12:07No, I'm not in the pocket of oil, no.
12:10So we can make this work.
12:12I'm eager to be constructive.
12:14It seems to me that somehow we can make this happen.
12:18Deal.
12:19You keep oil guys off Clean Jobs.
12:22I will sponsor the filibuster bill.
12:24We can work this out.
12:28Great.
12:29Terrific.
12:30Wonderful.
12:31Coffee.
12:33Cup?
12:34Oh, uh-huh.
12:35Sure.
12:37Garrett, Senator Doyle's guy looks like he's dying.
12:40If I were you, I would go straight to the pharmacy and take one of everything.
12:43Go to a pharmacy.
12:44I'd have a blowout if I walked to the pharmacy.
12:45That's what I'm worried about.
12:46You're going to shit your pants.
12:47I don't want you here.
12:49Hey, I think I did the right thing.
12:51But I just need you to confirm that I did the right thing.
12:54I said something to someone.
12:56What exactly did you say, ma'am, and to whom?
13:00To whom?
13:01Um, Senator Doyle said that he would sponsor the bill.
13:05Oh.
13:06If we keep oil off of Clean Jobs.
13:09And there was an implication, perhaps, um, uh...
13:15You didn't say yes.
13:17No.
13:18I didn't say yes.
13:20I said, yeah.
13:23Okay, well, we told oil we'd put one of their guys on Clean Jobs.
13:26That's why we got away with the Cutler tweet.
13:28I know, I know, I know.
13:29She's aware of that.
13:30Okay, I was charmed by Doyle.
13:31He's got that little twinkle in his eye.
13:33He's talking about fisting people.
13:35He just niced me.
13:37I got niced.
13:38Um...
13:39All right?
13:40And where were you, Amy, by the way?
13:41Where were you?
13:42No, you said you had it covered.
13:43No, I didn't have it covered.
13:44It's your job to know that if I say I have it covered, I don't have it covered, and you cover me.
13:49I need you all to make me have not said that.
13:53I need you to have make me unsaid it.
13:55Okay.
13:56Yeah.
13:57Let's just slow down for a second.
13:58Make two columns, one with filibuster, one with Clean Jobs, because now they are versus.
14:03Doyle gives us filibuster, so put him there.
14:06Okay, but oil gives us Clean Jobs.
14:09Clean Jobs is your legacy.
14:10Yes.
14:11Hold on a second.
14:12Hold on.
14:13What if we put an ex-oil guy on the task force?
14:18You see what I'm saying?
14:19Someone who's cozy with oil but not active oil.
14:21Former oil.
14:23That's lying.
14:25Creative semantics.
14:27Well, that's a creatively semantic way of saying we're lying.
14:30Still creative.
14:32Oh, hey, Jonah.
14:33Jonah.
14:34Jonah.
14:35That we, yeah, that we might like.
14:37What I'm saying is that we go with what I just said, the Jamaican rum flavor.
14:47That's a really strong flavor choice.
14:49I mean, it's unexpected, it's funky, it's kind of sexual.
14:53Yeah, I don't want to make too quick of a decision.
14:57Let's consider other flavors, like vanilla.
15:02Oh, come on.
15:03Vanilla is a girl's flavor.
15:05No, I have no choice here, Amy, because I was backed into a corner.
15:10So other flavors aren't an option for me.
15:13Okay?
15:14Perhaps if you had done your job better, then, oh, I could choose vanilla or chocolate or fucking blueberry with fucking sprinkles on it.
15:21But that's not an option for me.
15:23Okay?
15:24That flavor's not an option for me.
15:25Okay.
15:26You know, I think Jamaican rum is a great choice, and your passion about it is going to sell it.
15:30I'm confused.
15:31Are we still talking about yogurt here?
15:33We're going to go with Dan's idea.
15:36Jamaican rum is where we are headed.
15:39Okay.
15:40Jamaican rum, man.
15:42That's good.
15:44Maybe we don't need the accent.
15:46Hey, Dan?
15:47Yeah?
15:48Leon West is down at front security for you.
15:51Leon West?
15:52Leon West is here for you, the journalist, the Beltway Butcher?
15:55Don't you worry for one second, all right?
15:58I'm not worried.
15:59I'm going to take him to the yogurt store.
16:00Because you are going to get rid of him, you're going to kill him, and you're going to do life or murder, and I never have to see your face again.
16:05Bye.
16:08You know, if I wash my hands anymore, the bones are going to come through.
16:12Hey, where is Dan?
16:14He's at the yogurt store.
16:16Gary, are you all right?
16:17Are you getting the bug?
16:19No, I'm...
16:22Okay, you're not going to like this.
16:24What?
16:25White House press guys have just been in touch.
16:27POTUS wants to announce Clean Jobs Task Force next week when he is back from Africa.
16:33Oh.
16:34We now go over live to the Vice President for her pissed off reaction.
16:37Come on.
16:38He wants to announce it next week?
16:40Yeah.
16:41Okay.
16:42It's my policy.
16:43He's sliding in.
16:44Who knows?
16:45Yeah, that feels like a slide.
16:47This happens every time, does it not?
16:48Yes.
16:49It's like Charlie Brown and the football.
16:51Yeah.
16:52We're going to have to rewind this, okay?
16:54Because I've got Dan backgrounding it right now.
16:56What?
16:57You asked Dan to do that?
16:58Yeah, I did.
16:59I asked because of the whole V.2 thing.
17:02Two point me.
17:04The two point me thing.
17:07Now you have to call him and tell him to stay quiet, and you've got to go down to that yogurt store.
17:14You didn't just roll your eyes, did you?
17:16No, ma'am.
17:17Because it sure looked like it to me.
17:18I can't stand that passive aggressive stuff.
17:20This whole day is turning apocalyptic now.
17:24Okay?
17:26Okay.
17:29Leon, hi.
17:30Okay, Dan.
17:31There's this right here.
17:32Very obscure rendezvous, so you either have a very hot story for me, or you're going to shoot me.
17:38I have got a story for you.
17:40Things are about to get very veep-tastic.
17:42Mr. Egan, good to see you.
17:46We are very excited about the Vice President's visit today.
17:50Oh, as are we.
17:51My son has named a yogurt after her.
17:53Strawberry Selena.
17:55It's very tasty.
17:56Great name.
17:57Who's this one?
17:58Uh, Leon West, ma'am, Washington Post.
18:01Um, we don't get the Post.
18:03This is an old established family store.
18:06Uh-huh.
18:07And we spell yogurt with an H right there in the middle.
18:11See you later.
18:12I'll make a note of it.
18:13Hey, Dan.
18:14You haven't been picking up your phone.
18:15Yeah, I've been a little bit busy, Mike.
18:17Hello, Leon.
18:18Hi, Mike.
18:20Mike, this is Anthony.
18:22He's the owner of the store and his lovely mother, Maria.
18:25You have on a very sweaty shirt.
18:27He does.
18:28But golly, I do.
18:30She speaks her mind.
18:31She's 84.
18:32No.
18:33A hedge peg for 39, ma'am.
18:36Mike is so good with facts.
18:38We are both very big supporters of this administration.
18:42Appreciate that.
18:44Although, it's not always easy.
18:46A lot of taxes you guys impose.
18:49A ton of taxes.
18:50Hold on a second.
18:51A ton of taxes are eating us alive.
18:53You know, this isn't officially.
18:55You know, if you'd excuse us for one moment, Dan.
18:57Can I talk to you for a second?
18:58Mike and Clint are grabbing.
19:00POTUS interruptus.
19:01That's what I call it.
19:02And I'm going to tell him that.
19:03Madam Vice President, you can't go back in there for future meetings.
19:05What?
19:06No.
19:07Let me tell you something.
19:08You tell that shit-for-brains president that I have fucking had it.
19:12Madam Vice President, if you'll listen to me for just one minute.
19:14No, I won't listen to you for one second.
19:16I'm not interested in your administration.
19:18Please be quiet.
19:19The president is experiencing severe chest pains.
19:22We just got word from South Africa.
19:24You need to get to the West Wing immediately.
19:30I'm so sorry.
19:32Ma'am, if you could just make your way in this direction, please.
19:37Where are we going?
19:39We're going to take you to the White House Situation Room.
19:43Amy, are you here?
19:44I'm right by your side.
19:45Wait, where's Gary?
19:46Gary, are you here?
19:48I'm right here.
19:49What the hell? I'm with her.
19:51Should we run?
19:52Leon West, here?
19:54That's the fucking Beltway Butcher.
19:57Have you told him about Clean Jobs yet?
19:59Yeah, you know what? I was just about to, shit-stack.
20:01Enjoy, gentlemen.
20:02Oh, thank you.
20:04We got Leon West here and nothing to give him.
20:07I got plenty to give him.
20:08No, you don't.
20:10POTUS wants us to announce Clean Jobs Task Force next week when he's in town.
20:13So you, my friend, have your cock out at a funeral.
20:17Sprinkles!
20:18Come on.
20:19There you go.
20:27Do you ever write about yogurt in your newspaper?
20:31No, I don't. I'm not a food writer.
20:34What do you write?
20:36I write about politics.
20:38I'm interested in lobbying, advocacy groups.
20:43Do you know how yogurt is made?
20:46No, but I'm sure it's fascinating.
20:48Don't patronize me.
20:50All right, you got it.
20:57Gentlemen.
20:59Madam Vice President.
21:00Yes.
21:01These would need to be dealt with pretty urgently should the situation become more serious.
21:04Yes.
21:05We have a Captain Reynolds of the USS Abraham Lincoln.
21:10Aircraft carrier.
21:11Aircraft carrier.
21:13He's expecting a conference call in about 15 minutes with the President, Secretary of State, and General Marsh.
21:23Could you step in notionally?
21:25Yes, no problem at all.
21:27Madam Vice President, may I get you a cup of coffee?
21:29Oh, yes. Thank you, Jenna.
21:31Excuse me. Pardon me.
21:34Have you noticed how he's...
21:36Yeah, he thinks I'm about to be his boss.
21:38Boss, yeah.
21:39He's going to be the first to go, by the way.
21:41Dead man walking.
21:42Okay.
21:44Dan.
21:45Can I get a heads up?
21:46Because I'm standing over here like a fucking meerkat.
21:48Yes.
21:49The truth is, I had a huge story to give you, and it's just been back-burner.
21:55Sorry.
21:56No.
21:57Mike is on his way out, all right?
21:59Either he or his arteries are going to quit any second.
22:01I am the new face of the Biebs office, okay?
22:03I can bring you major scoops.
22:05You can bring me major scoops.
22:07Hey.
22:08Come on, I major in major.
22:10Stop doing that.
22:11I'm sorry.
22:13I'll just put this right here.
22:14Yeah, just put it down, okay?
22:16Yes, ma'am.
22:19Would you just have some quiet, please? Thank you very much.
22:22Quiet.
22:25Ladies and gentlemen,
22:29we come here today in togetherness and in hope.
22:35Certainly hope for the swift recovery of this great, great president,
22:41who has been a faultless GPS in guiding our nation.
22:52We stand here today with courage in our hearts.
22:59Oh, Jesus Christ.
23:02Let us pray.
23:05Oh.
23:07Holy Mother of God and sweet Jesus Christ.
23:15Where is she?
23:16I apologize. We'll have some information soon for you, okay, Anthony?
23:20And you know what? You guys can just act naturally like you'd normally act.
23:24Great. Brilliant normalizing.
23:26I'm normal.
23:27Yes, sir.
23:28Where is she, Dan?
23:29Huh? I don't know.
23:30My balls are comprehensively busted here.
23:32I'm down to my reserve pair.
23:34You know what? I got Sue. She's gonna call me any second. Just give me a fucking break.
23:37Oh, bingo. Amy. I guess I'll fill you in.
23:41Amy, what the duh?
23:43That screaming, falling sound is my fucking patience going out the window.
23:48Sue?
23:49Okay, Dan, listen up. This is very important.
23:51The veep has gone to the White House. The president is having a heart attack.
23:54Dan, look at me with your stupid eyes.
23:57Stop talking to that man, Dan. Stop talking to that man and focus.
24:00Sue, can you please just repeat that part one more time for me?
24:03Selena is currently the most powerful woman in the world.
24:06Obviously, you cannot tell anyone this or she will have you destroyed. Understood?
24:10Dan, you have to give me something right now.
24:14Ha.
24:16Oh, fuck it. It's gonna break anyway.
24:18Yeah, um, as a matter of fact, Selena might-
24:20She's gonna come here in a second and order Jamaican rum with sprinkles.
24:25Okay, your working life just got 80% more fucked, okay?
24:32From now on, you bleached, plucked asshole, I'm your fucking Siamese stalker.
24:40Mike, always a pleasure to see you be a stupid asshole.
24:43I'm hearing some language that I don't like.
24:46Yeah?
24:47What are you saying?
24:49No, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What are you saying? What is he talking about?
24:52Nothing. Nothing.
24:53You know, you guys live in your own little world with your heads stuck up your Capitol Hill asses.
24:59And you, you gay Irish fireman, you, you're okay. But you, you, I do not like.
25:08Amy?
25:09Yeah?
25:10If, uh, Gary is, uh, sick, I'm gonna need a temporary body man.
25:14Sure.
25:15Oh, and I told Sue to drop the yogurt store.
25:18I don't have room in my head for yogurt.
25:20Madam Vice President, we've been asked to tell you that you may stand down. The President is fine.
25:26Well, that's terrific news.
25:30Thank God.
25:31Cross wires. POTUS just suffered heartburn after a traditional barbecue at a state function.
25:38Are you absolutely sure that, uh...
25:40No, the President is, uh, back in charge of the GPS.
25:46Super. Super.
25:49Oh, and I, I'm sorry, I just spoke to Mike.
25:52Yep.
25:53Uh, he said that you were needed down at a yogurt store?
25:58It was something about, uh, damage control.
26:01Yeah.
26:05It's been an honor to serve such an accomplished understudy, ma'am.
26:10Are you gonna take those with you?
26:11What? Oh, I'm sorry.
26:14Should I give that to you?
26:16There's a pen.
26:18I'm gonna put it back.
26:19You wanna put it here?
26:20That's fine.
26:23Okay.
26:24Bye-bye.
26:37Ma'am, we spent a nice afternoon bonding with these owners. They're lovely people.
26:41A lot of the online guys are still here, so...
26:43Online? Are you serious?
26:45Yeah. It's much more relevant. I've been telling Dan this for years.
26:48Yeah. It's much more relevant. I've been telling Dan this for years.
26:51Wow. I do not feel good.
26:53You're kidding.
26:54I feel bad.
26:55No.
26:56Like, where does it hurt?
26:57I don't know. It's hard to define exactly. Where did Gary's thing start?
27:02It started, like, in his stomach.
27:04It did start in his stomach?
27:05I mean, he lost color right away, though, and you still look...
27:07You look great.
27:08You look really, really great.
27:09Do I?
27:10You look beautiful.
27:12Okay.
27:13Yeah, but aren't dairy products bad for your stomach?
27:15Oh, you gotta eat the yogurt now. I mean, there'll be cameras on you. This is like Dairy Death Con 1.
27:19Yeah.
27:20Hi.
27:21Okay, Madam Vice President, this is Anthony Holland, the owner of the store.
27:23How do you do?
27:25Madam Vice President, welcome to Super Scooper.
27:28Thank you. Thank you so much.
27:30I thought we'd do the photo over here, if that's okay.
27:32Sure.
27:33Madam Vice President.
27:34Do you have any Jamaican rum flavor?
27:37I'm sorry, I don't, and I've also thrown out all of the Strawberry Selena.
27:42It had a bad taste.
27:44Oh, that's a shame to hear that, but...
27:48All I have left is vanilla, and I hope you'll like that.
27:52That'll be fine.
27:54Members of the media, this is the media here. Come on in, guys.
27:56Just this?
27:58Yeah. Guys, you'll be right here.
28:00Oh, that's fantastic.
28:03Yeah, well, it would have been better about two hours ago, but...
28:07Amy, you're going to need to...
28:09Yeah, of course.
28:11Amy.
28:12Yeah.
28:13I know, it's just...
28:17All right, guys, get this shot. It's real America.
28:20Bite and smile.
28:26Yeah?
28:27Mm-hmm.
28:28It's good, huh?
28:29Mm-hmm.
28:30You know, let's get one more.
28:32Really quick.
28:34I think you probably just want...
28:36Yeah, yeah.
28:38Are you okay?
28:39Uh-huh.
28:41Mm.
28:42Mm.
28:43Okay, we got it.
28:45I think we got it, guys.
28:46Yeah, we're good, right?
28:47Take a step back.
28:48I have to use the bathroom right away.
28:50Can we use your bathroom?
28:51No, I'm sorry, my mother's in there.
28:53She's 84. She takes a while.
28:55Okay, we're going to go put things...
28:57Madam Vice President, are you going to do anything about taxes?
29:00Yeah, I'm moving them down.
29:02Oh, I don't know where this is headed.
29:04Okay, let's go this way, then.
29:08Yes, we'll just move this to the car and get it moved quickly.
29:18I can't.
29:19Do we need to squeeze anything or something?
29:21What's up?
29:23Need help?
29:25Okay.
29:26I can't uncross my legs.
29:28Yeah.
29:29Oh, God. Okay, I get it.
29:31Guys, we need a wall around the Vice President.
29:33No photos. No clean photos.
29:35I can't.
29:36Ooh.
29:37Ooh!
29:38There we go. Let's move.
29:40Car's open. Door open.
29:42Let's get her in. Oh, come on.
29:43Oh, no! Is it locked?
29:45It's open.
29:46Here we go. We're good, we're good, we're good.
29:48Get her in.
29:49Don't worry there.
29:50Careful, careful.
29:51No one's judging.
29:53Don't come in.
29:55Don't come in here.
29:56Ma'am, I'm gonna...
29:58I gotta go with you, ma'am. I'm sorry.
30:00I have to.
30:05Okay, get dressed.
30:07Ooh.
30:09You know what? I could use a walk.
30:11I'll meet you guys there.
30:12I can't put on my seatbelt.
30:14It's fine. Just stay there.
30:16Aah!
30:25Where does Gary put those wipes?
30:28Oh, my God.
30:31Whew!