Veep Season 2 Episode 7 Shutdown
Veep Season 2 Episode 7 Shutdown
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TVTranscript
00:00oh god that is really bad can we get this shit out of here not until the shutdown's over the
00:10garbage collection not suspended and wait what did i hear the vp scream nope that was me
00:18and it was a shout there was a rat on the garbage so i shouted to scare it off
00:24that was a man's voice yeah because i'm a man i have a man's voice yeah that's right walk away
00:34walk away
00:53i swear to god it was massive it was like a pony god stop that's not cool okay guys i'm not gonna
01:01drag this out we're in shutdown mode i gotta have a skeleton staff so keith stays right what
01:08keith he's skinny like a skeleton ma'am please i can't afford to be furloughed no you're not
01:13but dan you are ma'am yeah you know you two do similar jobs it just makes economic sense for
01:19you to go down does that mean he makes more money than i do anyway the deal is it's not
01:23going to be long because i've got a meeting with a speaker today is that correct yes today so i'm
01:27going to shut down the shutdown okay it looks like it's between you and me without me this
01:31office will implode harry the secret service is calling you girly shirley temple so you need to
01:35just sue yeah you're going home yeah i'm sorry fine i need a moment
01:46oh man that's tough oh my god i feel so bad for her oh come on she had to go poor sue
01:53i guess i'll be heading out okay i need to remind you you cannot make work-related contact with
01:58anyone from this administration and you're forbidden by law from entering the west wing or
02:02eeov actually you did not need to remind me of that i know but i wanted to ladies wow it's taken
02:09that well thanks spock he doesn't show his emotions ever ever ever no not even then you're
02:18kidding me i saw him laugh once really hard when the security guy fell off his segway
02:22he's laughter and emotion fooled a spa package no i think you'll find it is possible
02:30sue wilson valued and if need be aggressive client can you set up a lunch with him great
02:37no no no just you know browsing the store of life section mark what if no no network the bejesus
02:46network the bejesus out of me i don't want people to be sick of the sight of my face
02:52very funny carl gary i don't know how to do that oh man oh sorry andrew donating to both
03:00parties is all over the blogs who the hell keeps stirring the shit pot roger furlong thought that
03:05too so obvious furlong wow it's like anal leakage the donations the shitty book about me and andrew
03:12having some sort of fake relationship the land deal from like ages ago somebody bring me the
03:18chinless head of roger furlong well in the acknowledgements the author says why do you
03:22have a copy of that so i can refute it to people it's my refuting copy get rid of it refuse it
03:28okay look if the vp did have a window it'd be a high one and she'd push you out of it
03:33that's very good i'm doing my impression of sue yeah that's very good
03:37what you're pregnant oh my god i'm so sorry i did not mean that listen if you call next
03:42weekend i'll probably fit you in okay congratulations well hello governors pickle
03:48me eels and tickle me belly cuz i am off to merry londontown for a right fuck about i
03:57and that love are you going to the g8 conference in london yes i am gary thank you for asking yes
04:03i am it is a city where women are literally drunk all day and i'm gonna mind their gaps my friend
04:12but i need my passport renewed so can i speak to the beep why do you need it for that uh welcome
04:18for brains the government is shut down so all the passport offices are closed so i need selena
04:24to pull some strings for me so get sue where's sue where's sue who's the new sue me would you
04:36like an appointment mr ryan uh yes new sue i would like to make an appointment suck it
04:46look around you people out of work garbage in the streets ordinary folks suffering sometimes i feel
04:54i don't know my own party yeah see this is a problem with high definition you don't want to
04:59see a dick in high def how can they allow this shutdown to happen do washington's overpaid
05:05lawmakers not care about ordinary people what i'm not overpaid i'm independently wealthy all right
05:11sorry they need to cut a deal and vanquish the stench meanwhile ma'am stench of your home is gone
05:19thanks to me what you know that stinky garbage outside your home yeah i as sue had a private
05:26company take it away what why would you do that that was not a good idea gary that wasn't the
05:32reaction i was expecting oh come on gary everybody in garbage town has to live with
05:36the stink except for the uppity princess in a perfume palace is what other people would say
05:44i'm not saying that not me wait a minute hold on now so now some private contractor who has not
05:52been vetted could go through all of my trash and put it up on the on the internet i'm sorry ma'am
06:00i didn't mean to do that you gotta go get the garbage bags back yes wait how am i gonna know
06:05which bags are yours do you want to let me know some of the things that are in the bags
06:13can i just can i talk to you privately just for a second yeah sure
06:20what the fuck
06:30so me and the speaker i think we're gonna end this well coders knows we have to get
06:51out of shutdown asap right fucking us all every which way yeah uh speaking of which
06:57ma'am um i've been seeing andrew
07:06seeing him like um you would see someone for lunch or a game of cards yeah yeah yeah i mean
07:13we've been having lunch and then we've been having sex and and not really card so much just
07:20you know just like sex oh god amy can you tell me what to do honestly yeah
07:26you top him overboard like the toxic waste he is he will kill your career come on amy
07:31it's just so good you just have no idea it's and it's stress relief you know endorphins it's
07:39okay then then you see see where it goes now i have to end it yeah but i can't
07:47can't
07:55i'm glad we talked on the same page
08:01i don't actually have to touch the trash do i yes you gotta embrace it you gotta help me get
08:06the garbage put it in your car we'll take you to the residence and i'll help you get a passport
08:09so you're the guys who want your trash back yeah you're mr walker yes hey i'm gary wallace
08:14it's a pleasure to meet you joan ryan west wing so our trash your trash yeah yeah yeah it's mine
08:21now oh so what's my end okay so this is a government matter so it would be best if you
08:28cooperated are you threatening me pesay because we got a compactor that takes shit and turns it
08:34into cubes okay could you just excuse us for one moment thank you so much what the hell are you
08:42doing we have to offer him something well why don't you offer to blow him over by the recycled
08:46glass it would throw up some interesting light effects that would be romantic wouldn't it
08:51it's a shame you're not going to london okay fine you know what i'm gonna offer him a tour
08:56of the west wing civilians love that shit they get so hot for it i call it a wet way okay that's
09:02disrespectful it's a building gary it doesn't have feelings it has a spirit no it doesn't
09:08sir uh mr walsh and i would love to offer you a private exclusive tour of the west wing of
09:14the white house oh sure that sounds like fun great oh wait did i say fun i meant like you
09:20think i'm a dick what would you like i would like a visit from the vice president i'd like to have
09:29her take a tour i think it'd be good for business vice president applaud shit compaction
09:35okay we can do that yeah
09:43boy i had forgotten how nice this office was jim it is nice isn't it uh yeah the chairs are worth
09:50a fortune are they uncomfortable as hell though yeah right yeah well people in the old days lived
09:56in discomfort most of the time oh well that's true right they're laced into their clothing
10:01freezing cold or hot as hell hard chairs and they all stank tough times tough times yeah and
10:07i'm just talking about the 1970s oh okay i i'm not i was thinking of the uh the 18th century the
10:13wigs so on all right so um i think we're pretty close on a budget deal here i i i think we just
10:21need you to move a scotch more oh i'm not moving you're not moving not with you ma'am you have
10:28been hung out to dry i just got a call from politico they just did an interview with the
10:33president and they called for my reaction just now what are you talking about do you not know
10:38i have not seen you haven't all right all right i will read the president's words without inflection
10:45slide to unlock selena meyer is a feisty operator and a fine vp she tried her best to prevent this
10:54shutdown working long hours but it was a tough call subtext ma'am you failed and you were being
11:03blamed personally for this government shutdown okay first of all i did not hear that subtext
11:09i hear text and the text that i hear is a feisty and successful vp oh i don't think he said
11:16successful oh i know he said success well that wasn't in those oh absolutely that's what you
11:21just read to me go back i did oh feel free feel free yeah selena meyer is a feisty operator and a
11:26fine vp no successful fine and successful they're synonyms grasping at straws i'm not grasping for
11:32straws what with this what with this and with all those stories about your ex-husband there's a lot
11:38of poison coming from certain uh enemy congressman roger furlong uh if you say so it's all beans to
11:48me madam vice president you have been squeezed out of the budget deal it's tough but i don't care
11:55now you see why we have the hard chairs hardly worth you sitting down you know jim you're a lot
12:03older than me if you die within the next six years i will be attending your funeral and giving a
12:13eulogy when potus sends me there in his stead and it is going to be full of subtext
12:21chock full of subtext well i look forward to that oh wait i'll be dead
12:29honestly sydney i'm looking at being furloughed as an opportunity oh yeah get out there
12:33touch some bases face some faces so what you're saying is your career is stalled so now you and
12:38your slack pussy want to make big bucks as an oil lobbyist right welcome gentlemen hello today's
12:44specials are the cuttlefish let me stop you right there sweetheart you're gonna pick up the tab yes
12:49that's great okay i'm gonna have the most expensive starter the most expensive entree and a 200 bottle
12:54of champagne yes sir uh you know i think i'm gonna i'm gonna keep it light i'm gonna go uh
13:00chicken salad and a diet coke nonsense give him exactly what i'm having and we will split the
13:06champagne it's our first date my husband was killed 15 yards from a ranger station
13:16this is the most fucked up story i mean killed by a bear no park rangers on site due to the
13:23shutdown and a black bear that's the weird part they rarely attack people right that's weird that's
13:28what i was exactly then he must have goaded him and he must have i mean hit him with a stick or
13:33done something stupid taunting him or forcing the bear to dance bears don't like to dance
13:38they don't you dance there's not a happy bear in showbiz he's trying to fuck the bear he's
13:42fucking trying to fuck like grizzly adams oh geez enjoying yourselves we were are you laughing at
13:49the violent death of a young man yeah pretty much i thought you were on furlough kent forgot my
13:55noise canceling headphones all right guess what i just heard uh i'm not here ergo my ears aren't
14:02here either okay potus's quote in his soon-to-be-released politico interview in which
14:09he blames me for the government shutdown what exactly what it was implicit implicit implicit
14:17like a kick me sticker on my keister would be implicit uh madam vice president greatest respect
14:23but it has been the job of the vp over the ages to you know take it in the ass to save the president
14:30yeah let me tell you something this ass is closed for business this ass is in clenched down i don't
14:36want to be a decoy let the president take it in the ass he might like it powerful men and women
14:42they couldn't agree on anything you've got to be kidding me now i'm to blame because some
14:49goober got all eaten up by a bear you got to get your press guys on this okay yes ma'am ma'am um
14:55this is in minnesota right so governor chung is going to be all over this like a bear on an idiot
15:00that's right at the very least let's get in front of something yeah and get in touch with this widow
15:06yeah do you hear that mike uh-uh the bear widow get in touch with the bear widow as well as get
15:10in touch with the press guys yeah as well as get in touch with press guys two things
15:14call the guinness book of world records oh no no don't don't don't because that would be three
15:18things so you're really not gonna eat that lobster oh no i hate lobster you know dan um we
15:26could use you how do you feel about swindling a bunch of sister fuckers out of their land in
15:30nebraska trying to skirt a pipeline through their backyard and they're not a fan for some reason
15:36well you want to get rid of some farm folk huh well consider me your well-groomed dust bowl my
15:40friend hey oh boy you made it twitch if you really want to make my dick dance why don't you tell me
15:46what's going on in the vp's office oh uh well you know i uh i can't really be too specific
15:54sure sure no we can uh why don't we come up with like a some kind of code here the the vp will be
15:59uh the lobster uh amy greens we'll call mike carrots dan you can be shrimp do you see what
16:06i did there dan i made you shrimp boy i just wish i ordered a plate of useless assholes
16:12but you go to war with the army you have right okay i think the lobster is getting back together
16:18with her ex-husband the greens are only barely keeping it together mike the carrots are uh
16:27drowning in debt and uh this little shrimp wants to hear more about this nebraska deal
16:33want to go to the corn belt do you want to hit it i want to hit it hard for you oh
16:37well tap your ruby slippers together and wake the fuck up there is no job dorothy but i'm very
16:43impressed that you would turn on all of your compadres there in the vice president's office
16:48so why don't you take your little vanilla thriller dance over to danny chung he's the
16:52shiny turd rising to the top of the bowl right now you like turds don't you dan yeah no no no no
17:00that that's really not what i meant you misunderstood honestly i when i said fault i i
17:06meant that it wasn't your husband's fault because um bears are naturally hungry does does that make
17:13sense hello hello oh is that mrs do a little yeah and yeah very emotional well of course yeah
17:26what oh jesus all right amy we're gonna have to get dan to go to minnesota do some widow work
17:33dan's on furlough yeah i know he's fucking furloughed because i'm the fucker who furloughed
17:37him and by the way where is gary he's still getting the garbage well okay if he's not back
17:43soon we're gonna have to ununfurl sue ununfurl we'll have to get sue back okay yeah and i want
17:50to meet with furlong it's not happening i'm not getting in there unbelievable
17:58oh god oh please please you think this is bad wait till you get to london everything smells
18:07like urine even the food okay found it how do you know it's hers shut up i found it
18:17oh my god that piece was good you know i don't eat pizza very much roger but when i do it just
18:25makes me so fucking happy you know thank the chinese for that what chinese invented pizza
18:32no they didn't yeah listen roger let's talk about all these stories going around about
18:39andrew's land deal and our relationship oh my god all these whispers these rumors yeah who
18:44knows where any of that's coming from the point is there's boxes and boxes of stuff out there i
18:49know that that's a fact uh-huh that's as much a fact as will's impotence i don't think that's
18:56appropriate ah he doesn't mind do you will whatever works sir all right see team player
19:02yeah yeah i got a uh pretty impressive deck of cards here ma'am no kidding i love to play cards
19:09do you yeah what's your favorite game shanghai i already guessed old maid
19:14you want to play go fish sure why don't you lay them out all right queen the boxes i just
19:20mentioned uh-huh boxes full of dirt right explosive dirt hurdy dirt oh yeah you can
19:26start calling me the hurdy-durdy man yeah i'm not gonna call you that
19:32i'm not what's your king could be chung time everybody dan chung tonight danny likes boxes
19:41and then well i can't predict the future oh watch your fur long i'd look at you being all coy
19:52you are man you're a coy boy so what you'd make some sort of a deal with him is that what you're
19:59thinking for some sort of senior position in his administration stranger things have happened uh-huh
20:06uh-huh strange things could happen boom boom you want to make a deal with me
20:13have a place in my future administration how well that came out of nowhere didn't it well
20:18it's like a sudden monsoon in goa sudden monsoon they predict those things weeks in advance you
20:25idiot hey did you ever see signs of the lambs oh yeah that scared the living shit out of me
20:34i know it's hard to believe that they have female fbi agents i'm kidding i'm kidding i love
20:41that kind of misogyny i love the best guy well anyway the point is you got these two characters
20:48right right seem to be so different but they can come to an understanding and they can actually
20:53work together you know what you make such a good point yeah you make such a good point
20:58uh just to be clear roger you're not asking for anything and i'm not agreeing to anything
21:09okay obviously i can't say anything explicitly neither can you you understand that
21:18well do i understand yes you do sir did you hear what we said will no ma'am
21:28team player yeah i like it yeah all right she's on her way so we'll just put this in her car
21:33did you check the oil no who the fuck checks our oil everyone oh hey sue's here oh thank god
21:42thanks sue you're welcome gary hi son gentlemen nice to grab a bag we're gonna be the shitty
21:48sopranos just don't get any mess on my dress oh my mess on your dress i like this
21:53sorry you can't have my car clean after this okay first no touching thank you and i'm not
21:58okay come on let's get this over with oh god there's no way i'm gonna fit in here
22:02well it's bigger than your mother's womb and you were in there till you were 15
22:06oh oh my god there you go oh god i'm touching it something's wet something's wrong i'll get
22:13my id badge watch your legs watch all right guys who buys a coupe oh gross
22:24people will say he shouldn't have been there but he's dead for god's sake i know
22:31i know i know i know i keep thinking about his last moments
22:36please yeah so how was the widow holding up she's crying a lot like a shitload lot
22:45she's upset husband eaten etc she's a big fan of yours though you should talk to her
22:50i don't know it could look opportunistic but heroes don't get to choose they get chosen
22:57speaking of chosen how is dan.com forward slash egan i'm still a fan and you should be danny i'm
23:04fucking awesome you are sadly though selena and kent davison are blind to my destiny see
23:10they're thinking like it's the 1990s i'm thinking like it's the 2020s you got 2020 vision huh zowie
23:16like that see i need more of that on my team you offer me a job no i don't have any immediate
23:22vacancies but i will in six years time you and me oval office ordering a pizza and an airstrike
23:28thin crust extra warheads get the rolling stones to perform in my fucking living room
23:352020 yo
23:44ma'am dan your 15 minutes of furlough are over i need you back to the bastard mobile yeah
23:55you know i didn't realize how good i was at this job until someone else did it so
23:58badly different isn't bad no bad is bad okay so what do we got on the decks for today
24:04we got that nasa meeting now it looks like the nasa guys had to reschedule oh crap i wanted to
24:09meet the nasa guys gary they don't even walk on the moon anymore they're basically a bunch of
24:13nerds who work in a hangar so what do we got instead you have a visit to the waste management
24:18plant in fairfax okay i don't know what is the most depressing word in that sentence
24:23all you gotta do is go meet the garbage guys you know make it look like you're getting your
24:26hands dirty with the common man get some pictures for the press nice little puff piece i set it up
24:31you're furloughed mike without pay yeah that's how it works go sign the paperwork on annie's desk
24:37try renting out your fucking boat ma'am look i had no choice in this gary's the one who promised
24:42the garbage guy a visit gary wouldn't do something that idiotic would you gary well under certain
24:48circumstances a garbage service yeah no no i get it i understand that
24:56oh hey gary yeah you're furloughed i'm sorry i got sue
25:03you gotta sign the paperwork on amy's desk
25:07ma'am gary mentioned you might be able to get my passport renewal fast track okay gary get out
25:15go fuck yourself jonah uh ma'am i'm g8 advance team go period fuck period yourself exclamation
25:22point but ma'am i helped with the garbage oh you help with him with the garbage yeah i helped with
25:33garbage um sue yeah could you uh get in touch with what's his fuck at the state department
25:42i'd offer the cap to you my lady ma'am yeah did you uh just furlough gary and mike when i was in
25:49the bathroom i did so sue's the new gary and you are still the amy yeah yeah hey hey what have i
25:56missed she is furloughing indiscriminately into the crowd uh amy quick word
26:08please don't tell me you got it on with the widow tell me honestly
26:11where do you think selena's heading what's making you doubt her land deal shit fake
26:17relationship shit shut down shit you left out that she just did a deal with roger furlong
26:22and is becoming semi-dependent on antidepressants oh well what could possibly go wrong
26:29okay sue let's go ma'am i am so sorry that i could not get you the widow yeah that was what
26:35i would call a massive fuck up yeah well the newspapers are suggesting that i am responsible
26:41for the grisly death of some idiot but i'm on my way to a garbage dump so that's positive right
26:47well that's a good attitude to have amy why is everybody else in charge of my image except me
26:53we've got to do something amy ma'am the dump has a contaminated sludge delivery at 10 15
26:58so we have a very limited window okay i just i just want to think we just need to think with
27:04our heads for a minute maybe get me on tv well we don't want to do like first response with
27:11janet ryland or anything but i mean oh oh yeah yeah that's a great idea that's precisely what
27:20i want to do and good then yes exactly that's you know what actually the more i think about it she
27:24actually might be exactly what we want to do she's she's respected but she's not dangerous she's
27:29she's staged she's stateless i mean she's old and cold and i'm warm and young young exactly
27:38and i'm a mother so we should round up katherine at gunpoint if we have to and and maybe andrew
27:47yeah honestly all of america would be watching if it doesn't land then this could be the end
27:53to this whole adventure come on come on melodrama queen tick tock tick tock sludge time yeah it's
27:59gonna be a great idea so call first response get this thing underway we gotta ununfurl
28:05unfurl that's what i just said amy okay so let's just throw as many bodies at this as we can that's
28:12what we're gonna do you may want to wear this mask in case the wind changes oh really and i
28:20don't think so i think yeah okay that's not a bad idea actually it's great to meet you janine
28:27your bravery has been an inspiration for us all now look ma'am i've allotted exactly three minutes
28:34for a small talk okay thank you sue and after that there's a maximum of 10 minutes that's
28:39enough sue their cameras their cameras here if there's anything i can do it is so nice to hear
28:45someone say that you need it you got it god bless you this wildlife in the area i wonder how it's
28:56impacted by this very facility we get a lot of rats if that's what you mean oh well that makes
29:03sense doesn't it of course yeah and he served in the coast guard is that right yes sir it would
29:10have been a mighty privilege to have known him and i i'm sure you know joe that nationally we spend
29:18about 71 per ton of waste on recycling while we spend 86 per ton on collection do you find this
29:27divergence troubling ma'am i just shovel it i don't account for okay this doesn't look great
29:36does it depends on which channel you're watching i think we can all learn from the incredible
29:43strength you've shown are you married joe yes ah that's lovely