Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 18 Reese Cooks
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00:00It's okay, sweetie. Here, come on. Come on. It's okay now, okay? What was your dream?
00:12I dreamed there was this man outside the door with a big knife.
00:22And you wanted to tie everyone up and kill them and eat their eyeballs.
00:34Good night.
00:52You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
01:15Life is unfair.
01:22Hey, what you doing there, son?
01:27I have to prove Kepler's third law of planetary motion.
01:32What's Dewey doing?
01:33He's coloring.
01:34Well, I better get in there.
01:37Dad! There's this crazy guy chasing me. He's saying I did some horrible things, but I couldn't really understand him.
01:43I think he's an escapee from the mental hospital.
01:47I didn't hear anything.
01:52Hello again, Hal.
01:58You are not to step foot outside of this house except for school for the next month!
02:03Okay.
02:04Wait a minute, honey. He has to go outside. He's not done pulling weeds from his last punishment.
02:08Oh, I think staying inside with no TV is worse than weeding.
02:11I'm already banned from TV.
02:14You are?
02:14All right. Fine. No TV. No going outside. Except for weeding. Which you'll do at night. Inside.
02:25Oh, I got nothing.
02:27How long is this going to take?
02:28Oh, look. Just go to your room.
02:31Your father and I will sort this out.
02:33Okay.
02:33We are not getting through to him.
02:38What else can we do? We've taken away television, video games, his music, fresh air.
02:44In other words, we have taken away his air and he doesn't care about any of it.
02:49Well, we had better come up with something before he winds up being a problem for the state.
02:53I don't know. Maybe we should try something other than punishing him.
02:58Like what?
02:58What? Maybe Reese needs more attention. Positive attention. When I was his age, I always wanted
03:05someone there to talk to, to hang out with, be a role mong.
03:10Oh, Hal. I don't know.
03:12Lois, that boy needs a father figure and I really think it should be me.
03:18Here you go.
03:19What is Cindy doing?
03:21We thought you would know, given your relationship.
03:24We don't have a relationship. It's okay to feel.
03:32Shut up.
03:34Hey, guys. Here you go. I'm having a party this weekend.
03:39Don't lose those invitations because no one gets past my dad without him.
03:43A party. An actual non-self-delusional figment of my imagination party.
03:51Is it your birthday?
03:52No, it's just for socializing.
03:55You know, it's weird. I've been here for a month and a half and you guys are the only friends I have.
04:00You're kidding.
04:01I'm serious. It may be hard for you guys to believe, but some people have trouble making friends.
04:08Cynthia, are you sure you want to sound so...
04:17Man, I wish I'd thought of this.
04:19I know. It's going to be so great. I'm finally going to make some friends.
04:25What do you think, Malcolm?
04:27It sounds great. It should be a... party.
04:31Fingers crossed.
04:33Yeah.
04:33All right.
04:34Hey, Eric. How's it going?
04:39Me!
04:41You just missed your third history deadline, Francis.
04:45I am not going to Spangler's summer school because my partner blew off his half of the project.
04:50Didn't you get my half? I slipped it under your door.
04:53This is your half?
04:56Yeah?
04:57This is my half!
04:59Well, if I knew you were going to go so overboard, I would have spent a little more time on my section.
05:06You photocopied a page out of the dictionary.
05:10Okay.
05:11I messed up.
05:13There's still time.
05:15When's this thing do again?
05:16The 20th.
05:17And you're worried?
05:19We have over a week.
05:21My half took me two months.
05:23Okay. I guess I'm just going to have to buckle down and get it done, then.
05:27All right. I'll go to the library and get some books.
05:30You stay here and organize your notes.
05:33Sounds like a plan.
05:4368 degrees.
05:44Perfect paper writing temperature.
05:48Let's get to it.
05:49I thought you said we were trying something new.
05:52That's right.
05:53We are.
05:54So this isn't a punishment?
05:56No. Why would you say that?
05:58Because you keep looking at me and saying stuff.
06:01I am paying attention to you.
06:04But, Dad, a cooking class?
06:06Come on, Reese. Open your mind.
06:08The art of cooking is as masculine as any of these other courses.
06:12Judo, riflery, kickboxing.
06:15Anyone could fight.
06:16Fight, but it takes a special man to craft a truly great bolognese sauce.
06:22I still feel like I'm in trouble.
06:24Hi, I'm Cynthia.
06:40We don't know each other, but I'm having a party.
06:43See how it says eight till question mark?
06:46That means it could go on ad infinitum.
06:50See you there.
06:51Hi, I'm Cynthia.
06:55We don't know each other, but I'm having a party.
06:56What is she doing?
06:57Inviting the whole school?
06:59I'm sorry.
06:59I can't talk right now.
07:01I'm saving all my good conversations for the party.
07:04For instance, there's an interesting piece in this month's New England Journal of Medicine.
07:09Hey, that's my anecdote.
07:11I hope my wheelchair fits in the make-out closet.
07:21I hope you come with an appetite.
07:23I'm serving cookies shaped like famous communist revolutionaries.
07:28Hi, I'm Cynthia.
07:30Uh, Cynthia, can I talk to you for a second?
07:34Sure.
07:35Tell all your friends.
07:36How many people are you inviting to your party?
07:40God, who knows?
07:41I left a stack of invitations at the library and a stack at the arcade.
07:46I figure people will appreciate the personal touch.
07:49You know, so they can match a face of the face.
07:53Don't you think you're kind of overreaching?
07:55What are you talking about?
07:57I'm afraid you're setting yourself up for a giant disappointment.
08:00I mean, when ten people don't show up, it's a drag.
08:03When three hundred people don't show up, it's like total humiliation.
08:06Well, I guess lots of people will have to show up then.
08:10Cynthia, you're a Krelboin.
08:13Krelboins have Krelboin parties.
08:15You don't know how many friends I'm capable of making?
08:18Yes, I do.
08:19Zero.
08:20Just like the rest of us.
08:22Cynthia, no one's coming to your party.
08:23Oh, yeah? Well, it so happens the Kinko's man said I set a new record for laminated invitations.
08:31So? That doesn't mean anything.
08:34I know what this is all about. You're jealous.
08:37Jealous?
08:38Making friends obviously doesn't come easy to you.
08:42So you hide in your safe little circle while people like me throw big parties and make lots of friends and enjoy life.
08:51Hmm, bitter. What a surprise.
08:53The key to quick chopping is to rest the blade against your knuckles and slowly pull back as we...
09:04Who chopped that?
09:10I did.
09:11Let's see it again.
09:22Oh, my word.
09:26Actually, his slices are a little more uniform than yours.
09:30And you say you've never cooked anything before?
09:34Intentionally?
09:36No.
09:36Remarkable.
09:41Sit down and listen to me.
09:44I am sick of this.
09:46It's been two days and you haven't done a lick of work.
09:49And I can't believe I let you drag me to that movie.
09:52I know.
09:53I'm beginning to question the whole talking dog genre.
09:56You don't want to get our mind off that movie?
09:58Another round of miniature golf?
10:00No.
10:01No miniature golf.
10:03You have to get to work.
10:05You're right.
10:06You're right, you're right.
10:07Let's get to it.
10:08These two books are on the war itself, so you can breeze through them, because your half of the project's on reconstruction.
10:17Okay.
10:18I have no idea what you're talking about.
10:20But I will, because I'm not leaving this room for the next ten hours.
10:23That's what I like to hear.
10:26Now, before I go, do you need anything?
10:30I don't want you leaving this room.
10:31No, just stop bothering me.
10:33I'm trying to study.
10:34Okay.
10:34Okay.
10:38All right, Harvey.
10:55Let's see if you can break Brent's record.
10:57You have to beat an hour and four minutes.
11:02Go!
11:06Sorry, I'm late!
11:09Craig ran off some kids and needed me to walk into his car.
11:12I'll have dinner ready in just one second.
11:24Well?
11:25It's hot.
11:27And it needs another bay leaf.
11:31Just look at him.
11:33After tasting his chocolate souffle, the class actually gave him a standing ovation.
11:38Reese?
11:40Dewey?
11:41Are you happy with how those are julienned?
11:43I think so.
11:45Go check the brioche.
11:48The bread in the oven.
11:50Oh.
11:51Dad, I just wanted to let you know how much that cooking class means to me.
11:59If you hadn't signed me up for it, I never would have known that something so stupid could be so much fun.
12:07Thanks.
12:08Oh, come on.
12:12Oh, come on.
12:14That's got to make you feel good.
12:21Oh, look at Malcolm, surrounded by all his friends.
12:25I wonder what he owes his social success to.
12:28What do you think, invisible friend number one?
12:30Leave me alone.
12:32There you go again, pushing people away.
12:35You know, Malcolm, if you want to make friends, you have to extend yourself.
12:38Yeah, you're right.
12:39I'm going to work on that.
12:41See ya.
12:42It's sad, really.
12:43I feel sorry for you.
12:46You know what?
12:47I just got the greatest idea.
12:49It's the perfect way to break you out of your self-protective shell.
12:53What are you talking about?
12:54You're going to co-host the party with me.
12:57Come on.
12:58Malcolm.
12:58Hi, I'm Cynthia, and this is Malcolm.
13:02We are co-hosting a party this weekend.
13:04I co-hosting.
13:05And we have a musical invitation for you.
13:09You should come round to our party.
13:11You'll have fun.
13:12You'll have fun.
13:13You should come round to our party.
13:16You'll have fun.
13:16Okay, you made me do this.
13:23Can't you think of a better place to kiss me?
13:25There, read that.
13:27Malcolm, are you crazy?
13:29Read.
13:32That's the Crowboy Wall of Fame.
13:34You can see that you're pretty well represented.
13:37There's my section and there's Lloyd's.
13:39But in terms of sheer volume, you still have a speed.
13:43So do you understand that you can't have that party?
13:51But that one there, that's ridiculous.
13:54No one really believes that about you.
13:57Real classy.
14:15Have you guys seen Cynthia?
14:16No, but maybe you can settle a debate.
14:21Maroon or beige?
14:23What are you guys talking about?
14:24Duh.
14:25Matching turtlenecks for the party.
14:27Hey, everybody.
14:29Oh, Cynthia.
14:30I wanted to apologize.
14:31Nothing to apologize for, Malcolm.
14:33Here.
14:34I'm canceling my party.
14:35I'm canceling my party.
14:36These are on invitations.
14:38Don't crowd.
14:39There's one for each of you.
14:41Malcolm opened my eyes to the fact that I'm a creepy, friendless dork who has no reason
14:47to expect anyone to come to her party.
14:50You callous bastard!
14:53Cynthia, I didn't want to tell you like that.
14:55I'm sorry.
14:56No need to be sorry.
14:58I should be thanking you.
15:00Thank you, Malcolm.
15:02Cynthia, I...
15:03You know what?
15:04There's only so much crying I can do in one day.
15:08And just looking at you makes me want to cry.
15:10So, if you don't mind, I'd like to leave you now.
15:20All right.
15:21No more distractions, Francis.
15:24I'm tired of yelling at you.
15:27I'm not saying Harvey's last teat wasn't exciting.
15:30You didn't have to kill him, you know.
15:31Yes.
15:33Yes, I did.
15:34Now, please, as a friend, just focus.
15:38I'm sorry.
15:39I know I tend to procrastinate.
15:41But when a deadline nears, I always manage to get it done.
15:45Okay.
15:46I'll check on you in 30.
15:49Uh, you better take this.
15:52Why?
16:09You better take this.
16:57I can't believe I really need this.
17:07You know, Dad, if you work really hard at something, it shows.
17:12Yes, son. Yes, it does.
17:18Class, during our next session, we'll be holding a little competition.
17:23Friends and relatives are encouraged to attend.
17:25And don't be discouraged if you feel a little outclassed by some of our more promising students.
17:33We're all here to have fun.
17:35What do I get if I win?
17:37A six-inch paring knife and a bread cloche.
17:42Awesome.
17:43May I help you?
17:51Hi, I'm Malcolm.
17:53I don't know if you remember.
17:55I'm not sure.
17:56I have a vague recollection of you throwing a brick through my daughter's window.
18:00Oh, and I think you're the kid who ruined her party and humiliated her in a public toilet.
18:05How am I doing?
18:06Now, if you don't mind...
18:09It's okay, Dad.
18:16How's it going?
18:17Oh, great.
18:18The party's a blast.
18:20Can't you hear it in there?
18:21What are you doing here, Malcolm?
18:25You won't talk to me at school.
18:27And you won't return my calls.
18:29I just want to say again that I'm sorry.
18:32Fine.
18:33You want to alleviate your guilt?
18:36You were absolved.
18:37Just let me finish.
18:38I'm not sorry that I told you the truth.
18:43You were just setting yourself up for a big disaster tonight if you went ahead with your party.
18:48I just wish I was nicer about it.
18:52What's the nice way to tell someone they're a social retard?
18:56So you see my problem.
18:58But what I didn't say is that even if you are a dork, you're all so smart and funny and interesting and kind and a totally unique person.
19:06And if other people can't see that, that's their problem.
19:08So, how'd you learn to deal with the whole school making fun of you?
19:17Same way I deal with everything.
19:19I pretend it doesn't bother me and then lash out on people who don't deserve it.
19:23It seems to work.
19:26Do you want to come in?
19:30Hey.
19:32Can I help you?
19:34Yeah, we're here for Cynthia's party.
19:37We found these things in the library.
19:38I thought you handed out on invitations.
19:42I thought you said no one would come.
19:45Come on in, I guess.
19:48I think he's actually going to win.
20:02I just hope we get the taste of whatever it is he's cooking.
20:04Grace, this is the best spinach quiche I've ever tasted.
20:18What gives it that extra something?
20:20I put some allspice on the pine nuts before I toasted them.
20:24Allspice?
20:25Yeah, it just seemed like it would balance out the ricotta.
20:27Extraordinary.
20:28How much salt did you use?
20:40Just a pinch.
20:42I did not put all of the salt in there.
20:48Where do you keep your first aid kit?
20:51My husband's tongue is swelling up like a mouth.
20:54I need a bathroom.
20:56I guess Cynthia was right.
21:14If you invite people to a party, they'll show up.
21:21Well, that sounds like fun.
21:25But I think I'm going to leave it unpierced for a while.
21:29You girls should really get up to the planetarium.
21:34They got a great laser show up there.
21:37I have a card that can get four of you in for the price of three.
21:43Let me know when you're going.
21:45As soon as my grandmother falls asleep, I can sneak up and sit next to you.
21:53Are you wearing cologne?
21:54Just my aftershave.
22:01Hey, Stevie.
22:03I'm working here.
22:13Can we please just go?
22:15Yeah, just two more hours and then we'll head home.
22:17Francis, the project is due tomorrow.
22:20Don't worry.
22:21We have an eight-hour ride home.
22:23And we'll do it then.
22:25By the way, this is Terry.
22:27I'm from Robin.
22:31Hi.
22:33I'm Eric.
22:37I'm totally going to summer school.
22:44Did Dewey go to your room?
22:46But Reese is the one who poisoned all those people.
22:48Now!
22:50What is wrong with you guys?
22:52You didn't even let me accept my trophy.
22:54Oh, I'll give you a trophy, mister.
22:56Honey, the whole cooking thing was my idea.
22:58I'll handle this.
23:00Reese, we pulled you out of class because we know you cheated.
23:04You would have won easily.
23:06Why did you do it?
23:07I don't know.
23:08It was fun.
23:09Those people worked very hard on their dishes and you destroyed them.
23:13How would you feel if you were that poor woman whose quiche you salted?
23:19Fact.
23:24Reese, do you know what empathy is?
23:28No.
23:29Empathy is putting yourself in other people's shoes so you can feel the way they do.
23:33If you hurt someone, empathy makes you hurt as well.
23:39Then why would you want empathy?
23:47He has no more sense of right and wrong than a tree frog.
23:51What are we going to do?
23:53What can we do?
23:54It's back to punishment.
23:55How can we punish him if he doesn't care about...
24:01All right, son, here's what's going to happen.
24:04For the next month, you are not allowed to cook a meal.
24:09That's it?
24:12So I don't cook.
24:14Big deal.
24:15That means no chicken cordon blues, no Windsor torts.
24:20Wait a second.
24:21You said no cooking.
24:23The tort is baking.
24:24No baking, no broiling, no sautéing.
24:27Come on, you can't do that.
24:29You heard your father.
24:30The stove and all the whisks are off limits for a month.
24:34Oh, please, I'll be good, I promise.
24:36I'll do whatever you say.
24:37I'm sorry, son.
24:39This is the way it has to be.
24:48It worked.
24:50I think we really turned a corner with him.
24:52We have a weapon.
24:54His actions will have consequences.
24:56I know.
24:57We can hurt him.
24:59We can be parents again.
25:02Oh, it's even worth suffering through a month of eating your flank steaks.
25:06Amen to that.
25:07You know, I just realized something.
25:17Parties suck.
25:18The music always stinks.
25:20The food's bad.
25:21And who cares if no one talks to you?
25:24People are such phonies anyway.
25:26Hey, Malcolm.
25:27Hey, Cynthia.
25:28Great party.
25:29I like the music.
25:30And what's in the dip?
25:31Oh, you know what?
25:32I'm going to need that chair.
25:33I'm going to need that chair.
25:34I'm going to need that chair.