Malcolm In The Middle Season 3 Episode 4 Malcolm's Girlfriend
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00:00But you don't have ten bucks, do we?
00:05No underwear, no clothes at all.
00:09Of course.
00:12What are you doing?
00:14You said no clothes.
00:17I'll be right back, losers.
00:26I never thought I'd do it.
00:27I guess you outsmarted us.
00:30You opened her gate, right?
00:32Of course.
00:33Good job.
00:37You're not the boss of me now.
00:41You're not the boss of me now.
00:46I don't know.
00:51Can you repeat the question?
00:54You're not the boss of me now.
00:57You're not the boss of me now.
01:00You're not the boss of me now.
01:02And you're not so big.
01:06You're not the boss of me now.
01:09You're not the boss of me now.
01:12You're not the boss of me now.
01:14And you're not so big
01:17Life is a thing
01:21So the universe can be finite and unmounted
01:31But if...
01:35Are you listening?
01:39Oh my God.
01:41Sarah Coleman is so beautiful.
01:44Look at the way she runs her hand through her hair.
01:47And then smile.
01:49You look at her and you can't even see anyone else.
01:56Every day...
01:58You do this.
02:01Ask her...
02:03Out.
02:05Come on, Stevie.
02:06Sarah would never go out with me.
02:09She's smart, she's cool, she's good looking.
02:11And if we went out together, it would make me happy.
02:14So therefore, it will never happen.
02:16I am destined to be the most miserable person on earth.
02:21Boo.
02:23Oh, shut up.
02:29Look, it's complicated, okay?
02:31You don't just walk up to a girl and say,
02:34Hey, I like you.
02:35You look like an idiot.
02:37You have to know the right way to say things and...
02:39Sarah wants to know if you like her.
02:41What?
02:42He likes her.
02:43Oh, she likes him too.
02:44Remember yesterday, when we were sitting around and we got a drink of water, and then we sat
02:55around again?
02:56We should totally do that again.
02:59Okay.
03:00Look at me.
03:01It's official.
03:02I have a girlfriend.
03:04I'm officially someone's boyfriend.
03:06Watch this.
03:06I can do that any time I want.
03:20I hate this part.
03:22This is where I have to split up so my family won't see us.
03:25I'll miss you.
03:26You're a really good kisser.
03:33Thanks.
03:34Bye.
03:39Thanks?
03:40What does that mean?
03:42What's wrong with the way I kiss?
03:45Are my lips too wet?
03:46Maybe they're too dry.
03:48I don't see why she couldn't have just returned the compliment.
03:52God, I'm the worst boyfriend ever.
03:55Okay.
03:56Just calm down.
03:57I'm a good boyfriend.
03:59She wouldn't be my girlfriend if I wasn't.
04:02I have a girlfriend!
04:07I don't understand.
04:08All I did was take a donut out of a dumpster.
04:11How is that stealing?
04:12I had to find a cat to get it.
04:14Well, the restaurant owner wants to press charges.
04:17There's nothing I can do.
04:19Look, I know that guy.
04:21He's a bit of a hothead, but I promise you he'll lose interest in four or five days.
04:25Four or five days?
04:29I have to start a logging job over in Mamu and I'm late as it is.
04:32It won't be so bad.
04:34Three square meals a day, courtesy of my wife.
04:37You look like you could use some home cooking.
04:40What would you like for dinner?
04:42Chicken or a nice porterhouse steak?
04:46Porterhouse, I guess.
04:48Oh, you're going to love her cooking.
04:50Well, thank you.
04:51Hmm.
04:52At first, I had no idea what was going on.
05:06And then I realized I was looking at a 425 requisition form.
05:12Shelby had filled it out thinking it was a 420.
05:14Hey!
05:16But this isn't interesting, is it?
05:18No, wait, it is.
05:21You just need to know what a 425 form is.
05:24You see, there's a subtle difference between...
05:26Dewey, how was your day?
05:27I've got a new friend.
05:29His name's Ronnie.
05:30He just moved here.
05:32He's got a Nintendo, a PlayStation, and a nanny.
05:36He's really rich.
05:38Oh, nice to meet you, Ronnie.
05:41No!
05:42He's real.
05:44I can make real friends, too.
05:46Oh, of course you can't, honey.
05:48Just don't be too frustrated if it takes you a little bit longer than the other boys.
05:52Ronnie is real.
05:58Reese, what are you doing?
06:01Malcolm's got a girlfriend.
06:03What?
06:04Son, is this true?
06:05Reese!
06:06Damn, I was saving that for a report card day.
06:09She's not...
06:10We're just friends.
06:12Malcolm, look at me.
06:13Oh, my God, it's true.
06:16Malcolm, no!
06:18You do not do this yet!
06:19I saw them behind that 7-Eleven French kissing.
06:22That's with tongue, Mom.
06:24Don't you want to go to college?
06:26Don't you care about your future?
06:29Malcolm, you are not mature enough to prioritize between homework and some prepubescent tramp.
06:34Your mother is right, son.
06:36I waited until I was 11 before I kissed my...
06:39Wait, how old are you?
06:42Never mind.
06:43What I'm saying is...
06:45It was a different time back then.
06:48There was a war on.
06:51I'll get it.
06:52Maybe it's Malcolm's girlfriend who's come over for a little French kissing.
06:56Who is this girl?
06:57Mom, don't make such a big deal out of this!
07:00I didn't tell anyone because I knew this is exactly how you people would react.
07:04This is none of your business!
07:06It's nobody's business!
07:08It's not a big deal, okay?
07:15Well, it's not.
07:17And I would appreciate it if we could just drop it.
07:21Okay.
07:21This is Ronnie DeMarco.
07:28As you can see, he's real.
07:32Ow!
07:34Hmm.
07:35Interesting.
07:37We'll be in my room.
07:39I can't believe how much stuff you have.
07:53You want to play cowboys?
07:54Nah.
07:55I hate cowboys.
07:57You can have them.
07:58Really?
08:00Thanks.
08:01No take backs.
08:03Hey.
08:04Ronnie, would you please empty the dishwasher for Mommy?
08:10Okay.
08:11Hey.
08:13So, Joey, come here, come here.
08:15Ronnie's birthday's coming up, and I want to throw him a surprise party.
08:19But he doesn't know that many people here because of the moving hall.
08:23And I thought maybe since you're his first friend here in the neighborhood, you could help me.
08:27Okay.
08:28Okay.
08:28Now, I want to invite your entire class.
08:32All 30 kids?
08:34Well, yeah.
08:34Isn't that what you do for your birthday parties?
08:41Huh?
08:42What are we celebrating?
08:46One, two, three, four, five.
08:49Damn it, you get back and I'm down!
08:52God!
08:55Sort of.
08:55I was thinking Ronnie would like a Star Wars theme for his party.
09:01No, do cowboys.
09:03What?
09:04Cowboys.
09:05He likes cowboys better than Star Wars.
09:07Okay, that'll be fun.
09:10Thank you, Dewey.
09:20Frog.
09:22Vanessa.
09:23You're trembling.
09:24What's wrong?
09:25Chad's getting suspicious.
09:28You know he's been asking questions at the orphanage.
09:31We need to get out of here.
09:34And say goodbye to all that money?
09:36I don't think so.
09:37We just need to bide our time.
09:38How can I trust you, Brock, when you haven't even told Cassandra about us yet?
09:43Have a heart, Vanessa.
09:44The woman's still in a coma.
09:47Coma.
09:47Hey, honey.
09:50I just got back from the mayor's office.
09:56He thinks he's gonna kill our little real estate deal.
09:59We can't let him do that.
10:00What about those pictures of him and the Hastings girl?
10:03They're on their way to the newspapers right now.
10:06We're gonna destroy the old bastard.
10:08Perfect.
10:09Now all we have to worry about is old man Landers.
10:12Maybe we should send Largo to pay him a little visit.
10:22What a miss.
10:24Mr. Herkaby just called.
10:26He said you got C's on your last two tests and you didn't even turn in your history paper.
10:31I warned you about this, Malcolm.
10:33Mom, this has nothing to do with Sarah.
10:35I just forgot.
10:37I'm doing it now, okay?
10:42So, what kind of socks you wear?
10:50Yeah, I like those.
10:51Which shoes you wear?
10:54Now the sneakers?
10:55How about your boots?
10:57Your sandals?
11:00God, I like totally love all your shoes.
11:04Yeah, I guess I have homework to do too.
11:07You hang up first.
11:09No, you hang...
11:10Hello?
11:14This is all your fault, Hal.
11:17You're the one who bought him that acne medicine.
11:19I thought we were safe.
11:21I mean, he's still goofy looking.
11:23His head is like five times too big for his body.
11:26We shouldn't have to worry about this with Malcolm.
11:28He's gifted.
11:29He's in genius classes.
11:31Girls aren't supposed to be interested in him until he's 28 and a billionaire.
11:34Well, certain things are beyond the boy's control, Lois.
11:38It's his genetics.
11:40The girls, they just swoon.
11:44Sorry.
11:45What am I telling you for?
11:46You battle with it every day.
11:48There's nothing we can do.
11:50Oh, yes, there is.
11:51I can ground him.
11:53And I can ground him again.
11:54And I can keep on grounding him until he graduates from Harvard.
11:57Lois, if we push too hard, he's just going to pull away.
12:00And then we'll have another Francis on our hands.
12:02Are you blaming Francis on me?
12:05What?
12:05No.
12:06That's what you said.
12:06No.
12:07I meant...
12:09Lois, please.
12:10Let's not have this veer off into us somehow not having sex tonight.
12:15Oh, God.
12:20Why do they do this to us?
12:23Why can't they learn from their mistakes?
12:26You think they're just being stupid on purpose?
12:29It seems like the only logical conclusion.
12:32When they're grown and they have families of their own, we don't have to let them visit, do we?
12:37Absolutely not, sweetie.
12:38It's just going to be you and me, old and shriveled, alone in a big, empty house.
12:46The only sound?
12:48The gentle sucking of the respirator.
12:52And all our money will be sitting in a bank, helping no one.
12:59You guys seen Sarah?
13:04No.
13:05That's weird.
13:06She's two minutes late.
13:08Were you supposed to meet her here?
13:10No, not exactly.
13:12But it was implied.
13:15Implied?
13:16It's our thing.
13:17It's what we do.
13:18We meet at the water fountain at eight.
13:20We're always within 30 seconds of each other in the lunch line.
13:23And when I get home every night, I wait four minutes before I call her.
13:26That's how it's always been.
13:28That's our thing.
13:30Wow.
13:31I didn't know having a girlfriend was so creepy.
13:34It's not creepy.
13:35This is totally normal.
13:37This is dating.
13:39You spend time with each other.
13:40Get to know each other's habits.
13:42When you're in a relationship, you'll understand.
13:45But until then, back off.
13:46I'll just hang out outside the bathrooms.
13:51Hi, Mr. Marco.
13:53Sorry to bother you, but the nanny put too much banana in my smoothie.
13:57Oh.
13:58Well, we'll fix that, honey.
14:01I just booked the cowboy.
14:03He's going to be passing out cowboy hats and making balloon animals.
14:07Does he do trick shooting?
14:08Well, if he doesn't, I'm sure we can find someone who does.
14:12I bet Ronnie would like a moon bounce, too.
14:15This relationship is finally starting to make sense.
14:28For a while, all we do is fight, then make out.
14:31Then fight, then make out.
14:33That's all behind us.
14:35We were screaming at each other five minutes ago.
14:38But now it just feels so right.
14:39Wait, what are you doing?
14:43Where are you going?
14:44Home.
14:45We've been kissing for two hours.
14:47My face is sore.
14:50Yeah, she's right.
14:52We can't make out all day.
14:54We both got our own things to do.
14:56She's so smart when it comes to these things.
14:58If you're seeing someone else, just tell me.
15:00What?
15:02I'm sorry.
15:03I don't know where that came from.
15:06Look, I gotta go home.
15:09I'll call you tonight.
15:16That was pathetic.
15:18You were watching us?
15:20Believe me, it's the last time.
15:23You know, just because you have a girl doesn't mean you should act like one.
15:27I don't know what's wrong with her.
15:30She's driving me crazy.
15:31I freak out like 20 times a day.
15:34Dude, you think about everything too much.
15:37You just gotta calm down.
15:38Turn off your brain.
15:40It's not that easy.
15:41Sure it is.
15:42I do it all the time.
15:44Watch.
15:45You can't just turn off your...
15:48Reese.
15:51Reese!
15:52Whoa.
15:53How long was I out?
15:55And as I pulled her from the wreckage, she was so disfigured that I didn't even know
16:07it was my own sister!
16:10Don't worry.
16:12Dimitri is the finest reconstructive surgeon in the state.
16:17Who's Dimitri?
16:19They had a municipal hospital.
16:22He and Vanessa had an affair last year and then he...
16:24Shut up in there!
16:29Oh man.
16:31Who's got their assignment on Cambodia?
16:32I need to borrow it.
16:34Where were you last night?
16:38What?
16:38The Space 1999 Marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel.
16:44I made you a tunic.
16:46And a hologram badge.
16:48Dabney, I'm...
16:49Forget it.
16:50I gave it to my mom's boyfriend.
16:52Thanks for nothing.
16:55Guys, look.
16:56I'm sorry.
16:57I just been...
16:59Sarah and I were on the phone.
17:02Never mind.
17:02I'm just sorry.
17:03Sorry.
17:03Sorry.
17:04Sorry.
17:04Sorry.
17:04Sorry.
17:04Sorry.
17:04Sorry.
17:04Sorry.
17:05Sorry.
17:05Sorry.
17:06Sorry.
17:07Sorry.
17:08I promise this won't happen again.
17:12I think I turned a corner on this thing.
17:14Sarah and I were talking and, uh...
17:17It just came to me.
17:20I think we worked things out.
17:23Can you guys excuse me for a second?
17:25I'll be right back.
17:29He does seem...
17:31Sorry.
17:33I say we cancel our vote of censure.
17:36I second that.
17:38After all, he was there for us after the Arboretum broke down.
17:42And how can you look in those eyes and say no to anything he asks?
17:47I think he's learned his lesson.
17:54He's learned his lesson.
18:04Okay.
18:05Only two invitations left.
18:07Ronnie's gonna have a moon bounce and make your own Sunday cart.
18:11I'll go.
18:12Maybe you will.
18:14What kind of present would you bring?
18:16Skateboard?
18:17Excellent choice.
18:19Ronnie already has a brand new skateboard.
18:22Why don't you let me worry about Ronnie?
18:25Sit.
18:26Look at yourself.
18:27They put you on probation.
18:28Probation!
18:29If you do just one more thing wrong, they're gonna kick you out of school!
18:33Do you have any idea how serious this is?
18:34Is this who you wanna be?
18:35You wanna be some little lap dog who ruins his life or some girl?
18:39For God's sake, Malcolm, you beat up a foreign exchange student!
18:40Poor little Zadok left his country to get away from this kind of abuse!
18:44Are you even listening to me?
18:45Yes, I'm listening.
18:46But you know what, Mom?
18:47I've got bigger problems.
18:48You may not have known as a kid, but I'm not a kid.
18:49I'm not a kid.
18:50I'm not a kid.
18:51I'm not a kid.
18:52I'm a kid.
18:53I'm a kid.
18:54I'm a kid.
18:55I'm a kid.
18:56I'm a kid.
18:57I'm a kid.
18:58I'm a kid.
18:59I'm a kid.
19:00I'm a kid.
19:01I'm a kid.
19:02I'm a kid.
19:03I'm a kid.
19:04I'm a kid.
19:05I'm a kid.
19:06I'm a kid.
19:07You may not have noticed, but I've been screwing up a lot lately.
19:12All because of some stupid girl.
19:14I'm on probation.
19:16I beat up a kid who doesn't even speak English.
19:19I'm going through a lot right now and you don't care.
19:22We can still pull this off!
19:28You'll never pass the DNA test, Vanessa.
19:31And even your lies aren't gonna be enough this time.
19:34But Brock, if you didn't buy the mining right now,
19:37then who did?
19:39Don't either of you two see what's going on?
19:42The person who bought the mining rights
19:44is the same person who stole Mrs. Bronson's diamond brooch
19:47and the person who ran Nathaniel's car off the road that night.
19:51That person's name is...
19:53Okay, you're free to go.
19:54Shh.
19:55Come on, move it.
19:56Wait, what?
19:57No, no, no, you can't do this to me.
19:59Just give me five more minutes.
20:01Let's go.
20:02Wait, no, I gotta...
20:04Wait, it was the mayor, right?
20:05No, the widow Farthington.
20:06And what about the creepy janitor?
20:08Oh, no, no, no.
20:09He's an amnesiac brother.
20:11Ah!
20:16I didn't understand one word that was said in the last six hours.
20:20I'm exhausted.
20:22I couldn't sleep all night.
20:24But I finally figured out what I gotta do.
20:27Sarah, wait up!
20:29Look, I've done a lot of thinking and we need to talk.
20:36Sarah, this just isn't working.
20:40Since I've known you I've been nothing but obsessive and neurotic
20:44and a totally jealous creep who's way too clingy.
20:47I don't like what this relationship is turning me into, so...
20:51I got you this pager.
20:53What?
20:54It's perfect.
20:55See, now we'll know exactly where the other one is every second of the day.
20:58No more worry.
20:59No more doubt.
21:00We'll finally be able to trust each other.
21:02It's perfect.
21:03We have to break up, Malcolm.
21:09I don't think you heard me.
21:11In fact, I'm proposing the exact opposite of that.
21:14That's what the pager's for.
21:17I'm sorry.
21:19Bye.
21:25No.
21:27No!
21:28No!
21:29Sarah!
21:33You can't break up with me!
21:35Because I am filled with nothing but love!
21:37And good feelings!
21:39And no anger!
21:40And no jealousy!
21:42And none of those bad things that will lead to you not wanting to be with me!
21:48Okay, fine!
21:49Get out of here!
21:50I don't need you anyway!
21:52I hate your guts!
21:53I never needed you!
21:54No!
21:55No!
21:56No!
21:57I love you!
21:58I always have!
22:00I always will!
22:02We were meant to be together!
22:06I gave you my soul!
22:08Sarah!
22:09I gave it to you!
22:11My soul!
22:12My soul!
22:13My soul!
22:16Sarah!
22:17Sarah!
22:36Your ego, sweetheart!
22:38You know, I always thought you hated cookie dough!
22:42So, you having a good time?
22:43Yeah, Mom.
22:44Thanks.
22:45Well, you really should thank Dewey, too.
22:46He was a big help in planning all of this.
22:47Ha!
22:48Ha!
22:49Ha!
22:50Ha!
22:51I got you!
22:52You're dead!
22:53Ha!
22:54Ha!
22:55Ha!
22:56I got you!
22:57You're dead!
22:58Ha!
22:59You ruined my birthday!
23:01Happy birthday!
23:02I hate you!
23:03I've had two Sundays and four snow cones!
23:11Malcolm, you don't go.
23:12Come on.
23:13Come on.
23:14I can't feel my fingers.
23:19Hey, I'll go get us some more punch.
23:20How's that sound, huh?
23:26You know, son, this is all part of growing up.
23:29You're just gonna have to get used to it.
23:40No, I don't.
23:42I can go back.
23:43I can go back.
23:47I can go back.
23:53What are you doing?
23:55Playing.
23:57I'm gonna play.
23:58You can't!
23:59You're too big!
24:01No, I'm not.
24:03I'm going back.
24:05No!
24:06You're too big!
24:07You're going to ruin my party!
24:08You can't be here.
24:13ального day
24:14Every day
24:15Sweeping the clouds all the way
24:40Okay! Don't panic!
24:50Okay! Okay!
24:51Okay!
25:01You're okay! Don't be scared!
25:10No! Don't be afraid, son.
25:12It's just a loud explosion. Everything is going to be okay!
25:16Don't be afraid of it!
25:26Just once I'd like to learn a lesson without something exploding.
25:40I'll see you next time!
26:10I'll see you next time!