Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 3 Lois's Birthday
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00:00...is having a neighbor like old Mrs. Jansen.
00:12Trick or treat!
00:14Oh my! Look at what nice costumes you have!
00:21There's two for you, and two for you.
00:25Thank you, Mrs. Jansen.
00:28Goodbye!
00:30Hey, before you condemn us, we're the only kids who even talk to her.
00:38So if it wasn't for us, she would have no human contact at all.
00:49We shoveled your walkway.
00:52Oh, he looks wonderful. Let me get my purse.
00:57Okay. Now you can condemn us.
01:01Yes, no, maybe.
01:07I don't know.
01:09Can you repeat the question?
01:13You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
01:24Life is not fair.
01:37Life is unfair.
01:39It's Mom's birthday.
01:50She took us down to the store where she works so we can buy presents for her.
01:53So far, it's working out pretty well.
01:58Freeze for crying out loud!
02:04It's killing me. I'm so close.
02:09Get your hand out of there.
02:11I can't!
02:12I can't!
02:13Ow!
02:14All right, I got it!
02:18Okay, now listen up.
02:20I'm going to give you each $10 to buy me something.
02:26We've never done this before.
02:28Usually on a birthday, we just make our stuff.
02:40Honey, it's...
02:43Nice.
02:44It's a potato bank.
02:47I made it.
02:51Now, you can each get me something.
02:54Or you can put your money together and get me, uh...
02:57I don't know.
02:59Oh, well, now look at that.
03:02A foot massager.
03:05Hey, and it's only $25.
03:08And you've got, uh, $30 between you?
03:11Huh.
03:13Well, I'm sure whatever you get me, I'll love it.
03:16Now, meet me back here in 10 minutes.
03:18Stop pushing!
03:19Come on, do it, you...
03:25Lois!
03:27Hi, Craig.
03:28What are you doing here on your...
03:30...day off?
03:31Oh, I just stopped in with the boys so they could buy me a birthday present.
03:35Oh.
03:36It's your birthday?
03:38I'd completely forgotten.
03:40Seems like any other day, actually.
03:42Oh, well.
03:43Craig, to aisle seven.
03:47Craig, to aisle seven.
03:48Of course, you can't blame me for forgetting I've been so busy lately.
03:51Seems like I'm always hitting the weights at the gym, working on the guns.
03:56Craig, aisle seven.
03:59Yeah, and when I'm not at the gym, I'm usually with my Dixieland jazz group.
04:04Really? What do you play?
04:05Craig, I'm the costumer.
04:06You know, there are four different types of straw hats.
04:10And if you ever need those arm garters...
04:12Craig, I can see you.
04:14Bye.
04:15And it's my mom's birthday, so it means a lot to her for me to come home.
04:28Just as a coincidence, my friend Richie is throwing a huge party on the same day.
04:32But enough about me.
04:33I can't believe that you and your schoolmates have come all the way from Mozambique just to see a bunch of national parks and monuments.
04:42I mean, I don't want to criticize, but you really haven't seen America until you've seen the small towns.
04:47Met the people, started the way of my friend Richie throws a keg party.
04:53You're wasting your time.
04:55She doesn't speak English.
04:58Oh.
05:00Which is just as well.
05:02Because if she understood the crap you were feeding her, she'd laugh in your face.
05:07I, on the other hand, find your desperation charming.
05:12Really?
05:13Oh, well, there's plenty more where that came from.
05:21Come on.
05:23Come on.
05:25Here you go, Mom.
05:27Happy birthday.
05:28Don't you want to wrap it?
05:29No, it's okay.
05:35An eyeglass repair kit.
05:36Locks and throat lozenges.
05:49A dirt bike magazine.
05:51I might want to look at that when you're done.
05:54Did this cost you $30?
05:56No, it was like $8.
05:57This store's great, Mom.
05:58Why can't I have my candy?
06:01Relax, dude.
06:02We have 20 bucks worth.
06:05Chuck a...
06:06Hey!
06:07Wait!
06:08Come on.
06:09Wait up!
06:10Stop!
06:11Down the way!
06:13Whoa!
06:14Yeah!
06:16Mom, what's for dinner?
06:18Oh, I don't know.
06:20Why don't you have some candy?
06:22Yay!
06:23Hey!
06:35Dude, take off the wrappers.
06:38Does Mom seem okay to you?
06:40What do you mean?
06:41I don't know.
06:42I think she might be upset about something.
06:45Maybe I should go ask if...
06:48Ooh, skinny Fonzie.
06:5019, 20, 21, 22, 23.
06:58All here.
07:00You can go.
07:13This is my house.
07:15Can't you just feel the authenticity of it?
07:18Not like those crappy, plastic national parks you'd be going to.
07:21You can relax, Frances.
07:23I got off the bus already.
07:25Right.
07:26Okay.
07:27Here's the deal.
07:28Go inside, make a polite appearance for my mother's birthday,
07:31have some cake with her, drop off of my laundry,
07:33and then we go to the party.
07:36My God.
07:37What?
07:38Do you even know how astonishingly beautiful you are?
07:43Oh, yes.
07:44I've had 15 marriage proposals.
07:46That's why the general sent me on this trip.
07:48To keep me out of trouble.
07:50I have trouble.
08:12Boys.
08:13Where's Mom?
08:14Where's Mom?
08:15Bedroom.
08:16Oh, yeah?
08:22Honey?
08:23What?
08:27You okay?
08:32Hey.
08:33What's wrong?
08:41The boys.
08:42Well, don't let them get to you.
08:46They'll be out of the house in 10 years.
08:51Hey.
08:52What'd those mean boys do, huh?
08:54I gave them $30 to buy me something nice,
08:59and they spent it all on themselves.
09:04They don't even care that it's my birthday.
09:13Wow.
09:15Those boys are gonna hear from me, let me tell you.
09:19They're gonna get one heck of a talking to.
09:25And then I think I'll go for a drive.
09:27I'm just so furious.
09:37Dammit!
09:38Dammit!
09:39Dammit!
09:40Dammit!
09:41Dammit!
09:42Oh!
09:43No!
09:44No!
09:45No!
09:46I programmed this stupid watch to remind me that...
09:48Oh!
09:49Oh!
09:50Oh!
09:51Oh!
09:52Oh!
09:54You boys are in so much trouble!
09:59You've gotta help me on this.
10:00I can't believe that you could be so thoughtless!
10:04We all screwed up really big this time.
10:07I have a good mind to use the belt on all three of you!
10:10Why are you yelling at us?
10:11Sorry isn't good enough, mister.
10:13I forgot your mom's birthday!
10:16Oh!
10:17Oh!
10:18Oh!
10:19Oh!
10:21Oh!
10:22Oh!
10:25What?!
10:28What?!
10:33What?!
10:34Hi, Hal.
10:35Craig, what do you want?
10:36Well, Lois and I had an exchange and I felt bad, so...
10:40I'm sure she told you all about it.
10:42No, actually she didn't say anything.
10:44Craig, we're in the middle of it.
10:45Well, it's complicated.
10:46You see, I didn't buy Lois a present, even though I wanted to.
10:51I thought, this is silly.
10:53So I went ahead and got her one and...
10:56Here it is.
10:57Oh!
11:02Great.
11:05I'll...
11:06I'll take it into her right now.
11:09Oh!
11:10Such a nice...
11:13Nice gift.
11:15You know what, second thought?
11:17I can take care of this tomorrow, I'll bring it into work.
11:19Oh no, it wouldn't be any trouble at all.
11:21Really?
11:23No, I'd be happy to take it into her.
11:25Yeah, I'd really hate to put you out.
11:27Don't be silly.
11:37Kevin!
11:38Lois is crazy stealing your project!
11:41It's a friend maker that I paid $129 for!
11:52Honey?
11:56Where you going?
11:58Wherever I want.
12:01Well...
12:04When are you coming home?
12:07When?
12:08Whenever someone in this family gives a damn.
12:10Who gives a damn?
12:28Happy birthday, Mom!
12:29Hey, Mom!
12:42This is bad.
12:44Mom's ever taken off on us like this before.
12:47Yeah, she usually throws us out.
12:49You bought candy!
12:52You don't just...
12:55It was a...
12:57If I only had a...
13:00Stupid watch!
13:03Candy?!
13:05What were you...
13:06You...
13:08You...
13:10Don't!
13:12Dude!
13:21What's his problem?
13:23He's not the only one pissed at you little twerps.
13:25What are you talking about?
13:27I had this great party lined up with this beautiful girl and all I had to do was come home and make an appearance of Mom's birthday.
13:36Be the good son.
13:38Everything would have been fine but now my trip home has been tainted.
13:42In her mind we're all thoughtless jerks.
13:45Thanks to you guys.
13:47What did we do?
13:48Think about it.
13:49Mom gave you money to buy her a present.
13:52And you spent most of it on candy.
13:54And the rest on her presents.
13:56But you spent most of it on candy.
13:59We've established that.
14:01We're just going around in circles here.
14:04Okay, look.
14:06How would you feel if Mom didn't buy you a present?
14:09Mom's not buying me a birthday present?
14:11No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying...
14:13But it's my birthday!
14:15No, it's not!
14:16Frances, it's Mom.
14:18We've never made a big deal out of her birthday.
14:21And plus, she said she'd be happy with whatever we got her.
14:25And was she happy?
14:29Oh, man.
14:31We suck.
14:33Do we make Mom mad?
14:35No, do we worse.
14:37You hurt her.
14:41Okay, I'm lost.
14:44Ow!
14:46That's how Mom feels on the inside.
14:51So what are we supposed to do?
14:53We?
14:55Haven't you guys been listening?
14:56You screwed up, not me.
14:58I'm not doing anything.
14:59I don't know what you're gonna do.
15:01I don't care.
15:03I have my own problems.
15:04I have to go to a kegger, party with my friends, make out with an African goddess with this hanging over my head.
15:12Come on, Amani.
15:14This isn't fair.
15:16Mom never should have taken us to a store that sells candy.
15:20She set us up!
15:22Shut up, Breeze.
15:24We blew it.
15:26We made our own Mom run away from home.
15:29Where do you think she is?
15:30She is.
15:48Hey lady, are you gonna hide that cage all day?
15:51I got news for you, kid.
15:53I'm a grown up with a credit card and no curfew.
15:55I can stay here all week if I want.
15:58Yeah, but we want a hitch.
16:00When are you getting out of there?
16:02You want me to get out?
16:04Okay, I'll get out.
16:06If you do one thing for me, you give me back 15 years of my life.
16:11Can you do that?
16:12Can you reverse time?
16:14Can you take me back to when I was 23?
16:16So I can stay single, go to music school and become a concert violinist?
16:23Huh?
16:24No?
16:26Okay.
16:27Looks like I'm gonna have to keep on batting.
16:30You can't just hog the cage because you're crazy!
16:33That's not fair!
16:35You think I'm crazy?
16:37I'll show you crazy.
16:39Ah!
16:46I hope your friend Richie has some place where we can be alone.
16:50You know my mom's gonna end up blaming me for this.
16:54What?
16:56This whole birthday fiasco.
16:59By the time she's done spinning it in her head, I'll be the one who gave her the crappy presents.
17:04Any chance my mom gets to make my life miserable, she pounces.
17:08You know, in Mozambique, talking about your mother this much isn't considered a turn-on.
17:16Sorry.
17:18Is mom in for coming home?
17:23Of course she is.
17:25Reese, what are you doing?
17:28Making a list of women for dad to look into.
17:31Now that mom's gone.
17:33Mom's coming back!
17:35Hey, if you want to be in denial, it's fine with me.
17:38But I'm trying to keep dad from making the same mistake twice.
17:41It's called being proactive.
17:43Mrs. Larson?
17:46She can cook, and her daughters are nymphos.
17:49Ask me what she did for my birthday. Just ask me!
17:56Francis...
17:58Okay, I'm sorry, that is the last time.
18:01It is out of my mind.
18:03And this next track is a special request to Lois from Howl.
18:07He loves you and misses you, and says if you come back, he'll give you that sweet monkey love.
18:13What are you doing?
18:15And this next song goes out to a very special lady from Craig.
18:19From Craig.
18:30Oh no!
18:32What is it?
18:34It's my mom.
18:38What is she doing at a batting cage?
18:41Then why am I surprised by anything she does?
18:45Don't worry, I am not gonna let her ruin this for us.
18:48We are going to that party.
18:50End of story.
19:02Dammit!
19:14Oh, thank God.
19:15She's crushing the ball!
19:19How come she didn't teach us how to play baseball?
19:22Because there's more to hitting than making contact.
19:25So what do we do now?
19:26Happy birthday dear Timmy.
19:37Happy birthday to you.
19:42Okay Timmy, blow out the candle.
19:45Hang on there Timmy.
19:46What are you doing?
19:47Can I talk to you for a second?
19:50Happy birthday to you.
19:54Happy birthday to you.
19:57Happy birthday dear mom.
20:01Happy birthday to you.
20:05Happy birthday honey.
20:07What are you doing Hale?
20:08Wow, what's it look like?
20:10We're celebrating your birthday as a family.
20:13Who are you?
20:15I'm sorry mom.
20:17Yeah, me too.
20:18Me too.
20:20Actually I'd like to point out that I'm clean on this one.
20:23Lois honey, come home please.
20:24What do we have to do?
20:25A lot of things.
20:26I don't want to be taken for granted anymore.
20:29If I come back, you guys are going to make some changes.
20:32Anything, whatever you want.
20:34I don't ever want to have to remind my own family that it's my birthday.
20:39You are so right, it will never happen again.
20:43And one night a week, I don't want to have to fix dinner.
20:46Absolutely, good, fine, done.
20:48And I want dirty laundry in the hamper, not on the floor, not over a lampshade, not shoved in some mattress crack.
20:55No problem.
20:57It's just that easy, huh?
20:59Yes, it's just that easy.
21:02Then why do I even have to ask?
21:08And it's so obvious I need a little human consideration.
21:13I shouldn't even have to ask.
21:20Oh, geez honey, that's never going to happen.
21:26What?
21:27We're not smart enough to do that.
21:29I mean, look who you're talking to.
21:31You might as well ask us all to be a foot taller.
21:34Sweetie, you're always going to have to tell us what to do.
21:39I mean, look at this half-baked celebration.
21:41I mean, we're at the top of our game here.
21:44Honey, the only thing that we're ever going to be able to offer you is our total abject obedience.
21:51I know that doesn't sound like much, but if you look at it this way, our meager abilities are yours completely.
22:04One hundred percent.
22:05Listen, Wide Ride, these guys are just trying to do something nice for you.
22:11Give them a break.
22:16Oh, I'm sorry. Did you just call my wife Wide Ride?
22:19Oh, okay. I get it. You got to make a big show for them.
22:28Now, you are going to get up and applaud them.
22:31Oh, oh.
22:34Oh, oh.
22:39Yes, good job.
22:40Get him, Dad!
22:41Oh, where's the guy?
22:42Get him!
22:43Get him, Dad!
22:44Get him!
22:45Not at the end shot!
22:46Get him!
22:51Oh, yeah!
22:53Oh, yeah.
22:54Oh, yeah.
22:56Oh, yeah!
22:57Don't worry, Dad!
22:58Don't worry, Dad!
22:59I don't do it!
23:00I gotta go I know you'll be here waiting for me when I'm done
23:30I'm gonna go back
23:32I'll never do that
23:34No
23:36No
23:38No
23:40No
23:42No
23:44No
23:46No
23:48No
23:50No
23:52No
23:54No
23:56No
23:58No
24:06Once plain pure and white
24:12Till you moved with your pen
24:16Changing moods now and then
24:18Till the balance was right
24:22And
24:26You
24:28Decorated
24:32My life
24:34By
24:36Painting your love
24:40All over my heart
24:46You
24:50Decorated my life
24:52You
24:54Decorated my life
25:02You
25:04Decorated my life
25:06You
25:08Decorated my life
25:10You
25:12I
25:14I
25:16I
25:18I
25:20I
25:22I
25:24I
25:26I
25:28I
25:30I
25:32I
25:34I
25:36I
25:38I