Malcolm In The Middle Season 3 Episode 2 Emancipation
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00:01Sir, by statute 614 of the Alabama legal code, I am officially emancipated and considered an adult.
00:08An adult who no longer chooses to attend Marlin Academy.
00:12I have copies of the documents here if you want to see them again.
00:16Oh, no need. I'm sure that everything was down on the up and up.
00:22Let me tell you something, Cadet.
00:27In all my years at this academy, I have never had a student who was more bullheaded, more committed to avoid learning at all costs.
00:40A cadet whose constant byword was insubordination.
00:48Thank you, Cadet.
00:50What?
00:52Before you came to this academy, I was bored, uninspired, and this close to retiring.
01:02But your insolence and stupidity have been the irritating grain of sand around which has formed the pearl of my renaissance.
01:13I like me again.
01:17Cadet!
01:21As a thanks, I want you to have this.
01:26Well, normally these are reserved for cadets who have distinguished themselves or whose parents have donated a building.
01:38But you've left your mark here in your own way.
01:41So what the heck?
01:43Wow, sir. This is great.
01:47Farewell, Cadet.
01:49Oh, Cadet.
01:50Thank you so much.
01:51Careful, that's razors.
01:53Yes, no, maybe.
01:55I don't know.
01:56Can you repeat the question?
01:58You're not the boss of me now.
02:00You're not the boss of me now.
02:01You're not the boss of me now.
02:05I don't know.
02:06Can you repeat the question?
02:08Yes, no, maybe.
02:10I don't know.
02:11I don't know
02:15Can you repeat the question?
02:19You're not the boss of me now
02:21You're not the boss of me now
02:24You're not the boss of me now
02:27And you're not so big
02:30You're not the boss of me now
02:33You're not the boss of me now
02:36You're not the boss of me now
02:38And you're not so big
02:41Life is unfair
02:45Normally, I dread the first day of school.
02:52My mom's been on such a rampage about Francis,
02:54it's actually a relief to get out of the house.
02:57Thank God!
02:59Summer's over.
03:02Hello, babies.
03:04How's baby school?
03:05A couple of babies?
03:06Didn't high school start like a half hour ago?
03:09Hey, if I'm on time today,
03:11they're going to expect it every day.
03:13Ow, ow, ow!
03:16Hi, Reese.
03:17This is Gus.
03:19He's in the lead to replace you
03:21as school bully.
03:23He gives a wedgie that'll knock your socks off.
03:26I'm not just saying that
03:28because he's got me in a headlock.
03:29If you grab your wrist instead of your fingers,
03:31you'll get better leverage.
03:33You listen to him.
03:34He's the man.
03:41I've completed the research on our new teacher,
03:44if anyone's interested.
03:48Lionel Hercubee,
03:50born July 8, 1963.
03:53Parents, John and Ida.
03:55Notice anything?
03:56He was a crow boy.
04:00We won't have to talk down to him.
04:02Finally,
04:03someone who knows our pain.
04:06Bentley, gifted high,
04:07Princeton,
04:09Harvard business.
04:10What's this guy doing teaching?
04:11Well, there was some unpleasantness.
04:14He quit a government think tank
04:16to start a dot com.
04:18One time net worth $200 million.
04:23Now $137.
04:29Here he comes!
04:30Here he comes!
04:31Hurry up!
04:34Get out of my way!
04:35Let's jump!
04:56Who's Dabney?
05:07That's me, sir.
05:09I took the liberty of ordering you a decaf soy latte.
05:13Let me guess.
05:15Emotionally needy, closet bedwetter, you get no affection at home so you'll be seeking
05:22it from me.
05:23Look elsewhere, son.
05:26Who's the anal retentive outsider with repressed matricidal tendencies?
05:35Noobs for me, sir.
05:36Please, stop.
05:40As you may or may not know, I was once one of you, a Krellboy, and I'm sure I would have
05:46made the same lame attempt to ingratiate myself to the new soft-headed thick-wit teaching
05:52my class.
05:53Oh, yes.
05:55I have been there.
05:56I have been coddled and preened.
05:59Oh, you're a genius.
06:01You can do anything you set your mind to.
06:03It must be so easy being you.
06:06Well, bullsh**t!
06:08All that gets you is an ex-wife and $14 million in debt.
06:14Now, I refuse to let you fall into the trap society is set for you.
06:18Playtime is over, children.
06:20You've had a free ride so far.
06:23It's about time somebody motivated you, challenged you, tested your mental limits.
06:29Granted, I don't have a teaching certificate from a two-year community college like most
06:35of the people I was forced to say hello to this morning in the teacher's lounge.
06:39But, you know, I'm just going to try to muddle through with my double doctorate from Harvard.
06:44This is a test.
06:47Correct.
06:48You have 20 minutes.
06:49There are six essay questions.
06:51I'm sorry.
06:52I thought this was the gifted class.
06:55Begin.
06:56Well, thanks for the ride.
07:15Are you sure about this Alaska thing?
07:17Oh, absolutely.
07:18I don't know.
07:19I heard Alaska is supposed to be a hole.
07:22Are you kidding?
07:23Cruise ships go up there.
07:25Only for about six weeks in the summer.
07:27Isn't it dark there the rest of the year?
07:30I don't have to justify myself to you.
07:33I don't have to justify myself to anyone.
07:35That's why I got emancipated, okay?
07:37Okay.
07:40Good luck with your parents.
07:42Yeah, well, they had a week to think about it.
07:44We'll see how they take it.
07:45This wasn't meant to hurt you.
08:09Come on, we're done!
08:30All I'm saying is that you can get your diploma first and then do what you want.
08:36It's all about maximizing your options.
08:39Take in the long view.
08:43Sorry about using the closer.
08:45Consense.
08:46I wouldn't have taught it to you if I didn't want you to use it.
08:48Listen, what do I always say?
08:50The nards are fair game.
08:52The nards are fair game!
08:55Look, sometimes you're presented with an opportunity that you just can't pass up.
08:59I hope you understand.
09:01I'm not the one you have to worry about.
09:03I know, and I want to get this straight with Mom.
09:06That's why I came here.
09:08Okay then.
09:10Honey?
09:13Uh, your son has something to say to you.
09:20Huh, I didn't know the Hendersons painted their house.
09:22Well, I have your test results.
09:38You all got A's.
09:40You all got A's.
09:44But since this is the gifted class, I also factored in cogency of argument, economy of language, and penmanship, which enabled me to do this.
09:55What is that?
09:56A ranking board.
09:57But I thought you said we all got A's.
09:58Oh, you did.
09:59But some of you got better A's than others.
10:00But we all still have A's?
10:01Of course.
10:02So, uh, what does being number one get?
10:03Nothing.
10:04Just the knowledge that you are number one.
10:05Or that you are not number one.
10:09Yes, number five.
10:10It's Dabney, sir.
10:11I know.
10:12What is it, number five?
10:13I forgot.
10:14What a jerk.
10:15Is that what we're gonna turn out like?
10:17I forgot.
10:19I forgot.
10:20What a jerk.
10:23Is that what we're gonna turn out like?
10:27I don't know.
10:28It's Dabney.
10:29I know, what is it, number five.
10:30I forgot.
10:33What a jerk.
10:35Is that what we're gonna turn out like?
10:38I forgot.
10:39I forgot.
10:40A jerk.
10:41Is that what we're going to turn out like?
10:44If I ever start acting like that, you have to promise to kill me.
10:48No. No more death pacts.
10:51Don't worry about it.
10:53The only way that stupid board can have an effect on us is if we let it.
10:57Those numbers mean nothing.
11:01What are you doing?
11:04Nothing.
11:06You were studying?
11:07No, I wasn't.
11:10My book just fell open to this page.
11:14You know, I'm really not hungry.
11:18I think I left my recess stuff in my locker.
11:25Oh, my God.
11:27High school is awesome.
11:28They have an entire room just for detention.
11:31They put you in with juniors and seniors.
11:34Some of them have records.
11:36It's really inspiring.
11:37What are you looking at?
11:41Francis.
11:42He's still out there?
11:44Yeah.
11:45He's eating out of the bird feeder.
11:47Whose shoes are these?
11:49Who left their shoes in the living room?
11:52Those are mine.
11:53I'm sorry.
11:53You're right you're sorry.
11:55Leaving your shoes around like you don't even care about them.
11:59I hope you like walking to school in your socks.
12:02I said I'm sorry.
12:04Well, I've heard sorry before.
12:06I don't think so.
12:08Okay.
12:10I'll tell you what we're going to do.
12:12From now on, when you are to wear shoes, you check them out.
12:16Sign them in.
12:18Sign them out.
12:19Just like a library.
12:21Leave up those toys.
12:26oh thanks it's freezing out there it's good to see you guys I really missed you
12:50what's that for emancipation what you're divorcing the family now how did you do this to mom she left
13:01me no choice ow we've done a lot of bad things to mom but we would never abandon her I'm not
13:09abandoning her I'm just going to Alaska that's 5,000 miles away it is not 5,000 miles are you
13:17serious oh my god it's going to take me forever to get up there then don't go guys you have to
13:25understand I'm not doing this to hurt anybody I just I really think this is my best chance to
13:31make something of myself tell it to mom I can't she won't talk to me she is being so immature
13:38in the meantime I'm stuck outside in the freezing cold hey would it be alright if I slept in here
13:46a night certainly the whale represents the search for God but that could be limiting
13:58we could say it was the search for the self Melville could be considered a pre existentialist
14:05but you can't deny that the whale could also be the search for truth which has been a theme
14:15throughout his whole oeuvre run
14:17but we can't overlook the fact that it is an actual whale which was the biggest industry
14:29in the 19th century the oil was used in lamps soaps and even cosmetics today
14:39whale is outlawed but many Aleutian islanders are legally allowed to harvest whales for ritual purposes
14:50but I digress
14:54wow nine places that's gotta be a record
15:03okay on to new business this Friday principal little dove will be dropping by for a little
15:12evaluation I think he'll be very impressed with what he sees I don't think he'll understand
15:18it but I think his tiny brain will have the dim perception of the progress you can make
15:25when students are properly motivated
15:28now who would like to sink their teeth into some Bernoulli equations
15:33come on guys look at yourselves if we don't let those stupid rankings get to us they mean nothing
15:47easy for you to say number one
15:50I have a name
15:51we all have names
15:53oh my god I can't remember mine
15:56this is ridiculous
15:58school used to be the one place where you were truly happy
16:02and Herkiby has taken that away from you
16:04that stupid board is ruining our lives
16:08we can't let him do that
16:09what choice
16:11do we have
16:13we have the choice that people have had for centuries
16:16we can choose to fail
16:18like the French
16:20you mean
16:22we take
16:23today's test
16:25no
16:26we don't tank it
16:28we nuke it
16:30every answer wrong
16:33no complete sentences
16:35no punctuation
16:37and we'll use number three pencils
16:40he can't rank zeros
16:43that's brilliant
16:45he'll have no choice what to throw on his stupid system
16:48we'll be free
16:50yeah
16:51I am very disappointed in you
17:01everyone else nice job
17:04I'm sorry
17:23I'm sorry
17:26I tried
17:29my hand wouldn't let me
17:31I regret
17:34nothing
17:36interesting gambit
17:39but I guess the lemmings didn't follow you off the cliff
17:42when you spend some time in the real world
17:45you realize you can't fight the system
17:47and now
17:48I'm the system
17:51don't worry
18:12I just let the air out
18:14we can talk
18:15while I put on your spare
18:16look
18:18I'm sorry
18:19I had to resort to this
18:20but you have to give me five minutes so we can talk
18:22I can pop over the music
18:28you can't drive on a flat
18:31you're gonna ruin your rent
18:36that was a red light
18:43you might want to notice my entire opening paragraph is a palindrome
18:50you might want to notice
18:53my formatting
18:55what's this?
19:03a study of irrigation techniques of pre-roman society
19:06and how they led to the advancement of western civilization
19:09I thought we were just studying Mesopotamian farming techniques
19:13we were
19:14I'd just use it as a jumping off point
19:16I saw how their influences spread through the Egyptians, the Carthaginians
19:21basically through the whole ancient world
19:23I think you'd be very happy with this paper
19:26very nice
19:27number 12
19:29it's nice to see a little effort put forth
19:34while some are content to do
19:36the absolute minimum
19:39so
19:43he wants
19:45to play
19:46oh, we'll play all right
19:49what is it we're playing?
19:52I'll play a little bit
20:06and then dirty lips
20:08listen to the music
20:09thinking that
20:11listen that
20:12she'll say
20:13that's that
20:14I don't want to chill the jack
20:16turn it down a little bit
20:18or turn it down flat
20:20pump it up
20:21when you don't really need it
20:24pump it up
20:26until you can feel it
20:29hey
20:41pump it up
20:42when you don't really need it
20:57you don't really need it
21:01you don't really need it
21:06okay
21:10I think we're ready to show Principal Little Dove
21:13what the right kind of motivation can accomplish
21:16well done, class
21:18you know, maybe we should just
21:28put our heads down and
21:29take a rest for a moment
21:31shall we?
21:32yes
21:39one to the eleventh
21:40did you know I can count to a million by prime numbers?
21:43I can too
21:44so can I
21:46it's easy
21:47that's not necessary
21:49two
21:49three
21:50five
21:51seven
21:52eleven
21:53thirteen
21:53seventeen
21:54nineteen
21:55twenty
21:56three
21:56twenty
21:57nine
21:57thirty
21:57one
21:58now by hundred
22:00one
22:00one
22:01two
22:01eleven
22:02three
22:02seven
22:03four
22:04one
22:04five
22:05hundred
22:05three
22:06six
22:06one
22:07six
22:07seven
22:08seven
22:09seven
22:09one
22:10no
22:11that is enough
22:13when to the eleven
22:14five thousand
22:15one thousand nine
22:16two thousand
22:17three
22:18snapback
22:18five hundred
22:19two thousand
22:19eleven
22:20two thousand
22:20two hundred
22:21three
22:21don't
22:22let me
22:23no
22:23where are you going
22:26number three
22:26it's hot
22:28it's hot
22:29nine
22:30don't
22:30I'm
22:32stupid
22:33too
22:34everybody
22:36please remain
22:37seated
22:38I'm
22:39zero
22:40zero
22:42to the
22:43zero
22:44zero
22:45zero
22:47zero
22:47zero
22:48zero
22:49zero
22:50zero
22:51zero
22:53zero
22:54zero
22:55zero
22:56zero
22:57zero
22:58zero
22:59zero
23:08that's quite a show for your first week here
23:11you were right
23:12you can't beat the system
23:14But you sure can break it.
23:23I love you guys.
23:25I'll write you when I get there, okay?
23:28Someday, when you come back,
23:31and you're unemployed and have no place to live,
23:35you can come stay at my castle.
23:41Thanks, bud.
23:44He's leaving.
23:46He just wants to talk to you.
23:49Just hear him out.
23:51Lois, this...
23:52This has got to stop.
23:55He's going very far away,
23:57and you're not going to see him for a very long time.
24:02Honey,
24:04there are moments in life that you just don't get back,
24:07and I know you.
24:09If you do not deal with this now,
24:12it will haunt you forever.
24:14Fine.
24:22I've lost a son,
24:24but gained a baby.
24:30That's right.
24:31I know.
24:43Are you sure this is what you want?
24:47Oh, it better be.
24:48I'm listening.
25:05I'm listening.
25:07this is what you get this is what you get for the way you treated me i'm going to alaska and
25:18you're going to be left without a son and the horrible way you treated me is now a matter of
25:23public record i treated you we made sacrifice after sacrifice for you and you've caused us
25:29nothing but pain you want pain i got your scars baby three and a half years in that horrible
25:35school without for that skull oh oh maybe i should thank you thank you mother for making my life a
25:43living hell living hell you've been nothing but a problem since the day you were born your problems
25:49are over lady because i'm out of here
26:05so
26:13you
26:21you
26:23you
26:26you
26:30you
26:32you
26:33you
26:33you