Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 9 High School Play
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00:00Stevie's, Reese's got a hockey practice.
00:03Dewey's at Billy's, or one of the neighbor kids.
00:06So we're on our own.
00:08What are you in the mood for?
00:17That has got to be a new record.
00:21Yes, no, maybe.
00:25I don't know.
00:27Can you repeat the question?
00:31You're not the boss of me now.
00:34You're not the boss of me now.
00:37You're not the boss of me now.
00:39And you're not so big.
00:42You're not the boss of me now.
00:45You're not the boss of me now.
00:48You're not the boss of me now.
00:50And you're not so big.
00:53Life is unfair.
01:03There you go.
01:06People are always asking our class to volunteer for stuff.
01:09They just assume we're social rejects with nothing better to do.
01:13It's true.
01:15I just don't like having a throne on my face.
01:17So, our school needs a kid about your age to be in our school play.
01:22It'll be a lot of fun.
01:24The play is by a guy named William Shakespeare.
01:28He was a writer way back in the olden times.
01:30He was a syphilid drunk fronting for the 14th Earl of Oxford.
01:35Why can't you leave the bard alone?
01:38So he didn't have the benefit of higher education.
01:41How many PhDs have written King Lear?
01:44Why do you...
01:44No, I'm killing her!
01:46Now, now, now, try to remember we have a guest.
01:49Let's save our heated words for Open Forum Friday.
01:54Megan, continue.
01:56Whoever he was, he had a pointy little beard
01:59and he wrote a really good play called A Midsummer Night's Dream.
02:03We need someone to play the changeling boy.
02:05Okay, before anyone gets too excited, there is a downside.
02:10You'll probably have to miss class.
02:11I'll do it!
02:12He can't!
02:13We're working on a secret project that...
02:17I've said too much.
02:20Okay, I thought we agreed.
02:22No more secret projects.
02:25Some of you still don't have your eyebrows back from your last secret project.
02:31I can do both.
02:32All right.
02:33Just as long as you know what your priorities are.
02:36I can go now.
02:36You see her necklace?
02:54I used to think she was so boring,
02:55but now that she's bi-curious,
02:56she's just so much, I don't know, cooler.
02:58Oh my God, that is so true.
02:59She's like totally changed personalities
03:01since she's been weak.
03:02Oh, and have you heard?
03:03Marcus, totally, yeah, that's the right thing.
03:05Oh, on their own.
03:10I read that.
03:11It's a really good book.
03:13That's Travis.
03:15He has angst.
03:19Look at all these people.
03:21They're pierced, they're brooding,
03:22they're wearing weird clothes.
03:25They don't care about anything.
03:28It's like a room full of Francis's.
03:30Okay, people, we're doing Act 3, Scene 2,
03:35Oberon, Puck.
03:38Where's my Puck?
03:39I think he has a wrestling meet.
03:42Hey, you, changeling boy, can you read?
03:46Yeah.
03:47You got half these kids beat.
03:50Read Puck for the day.
03:51Page 27.
03:52This is thy negligence.
03:59Still thou mistakest or committest thy neighbories willfully.
04:09Believe me, King of Shadows, I mistook.
04:12Did not you tell me I should know the man by the Athenian garments he had on?
04:16And so far, blameless proves my enterprise.
04:19That I have nointed in an Athenian's eyes.
04:22And so far...
04:24You went from a part with no lines to the lead in the high school play?
04:28That's great.
04:29It's not a musical, is it?
04:31No.
04:31That's great.
04:33Dude, you play a fairy?
04:35Not just any fairy, Reese.
04:37He's the biggest fairy in the whole play.
04:39I am so proud of you.
04:41Rehearsals are every night.
04:43You had to get me there by 5.
04:44Every night?
04:46Oh, yeah.
04:46We build sets on the weekends.
04:48Okay, we can do this.
04:50If I go into work early, I can get off in enough time to drop you off at rehearsal before I take Reese to hockey.
04:55Except the days Reese has detention.
04:58And then Dewey's home alone.
04:59I'll take care of it.
05:00I can rearrange my schedule for a couple weeks.
05:03It'll be fun spending some time together.
05:05Can we run over things in the car like we did last time?
05:08It was already dead.
05:12This is your best guacamole yet, Joe.
05:17Thanks.
05:18The secret is fresh lime juice.
05:20Yeah.
05:22I'm going down on the floor.
05:23No, no, please don't let me disturb you.
05:28Make yourselves at home.
05:32Wait a minute.
05:33This is not your home.
05:40This is not your mama's house.
05:45Little maid here to clean up your toys.
05:51And yet, as I look around this institution of learning, I see video games.
05:57I see girly magazines.
05:59And I see Garth...
06:01Garth Vader defiling our wall of remembrance.
06:08Well, clearly, things have gotten a little lax around here.
06:15I blame myself, but it is you who will suffer.
06:19From now on, there will be weekly inspections.
06:23And you will relinquish all non-standard issue personal effects and artwork.
06:29It is time for you to learn that true happiness comes from within.
06:36Is that why you're so happy, sir?
06:39I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl, cadet.
06:45Okay, spaghetti, toilet cleaner, glitter for Malcolm's costume.
06:48I think that's it.
06:50Oh, my God.
06:51Is that right?
06:52What time do you have?
06:54Uh, 5.45.
06:555.45?
06:55That's not possible.
06:59I dropped off Malcolm, picked up Reese, dinner's in the oven.
07:06Huh.
07:07What is it?
07:09I have the next 25 minutes free.
07:13How did you manage that?
07:15Did you leave a kid somewhere?
07:18No, no.
07:19They're all accounted for.
07:23What are you going to do?
07:25I don't know.
07:28Oh, yeah.
07:30Um, I don't know.
07:36So this goes here?
07:37Yeah, and that should do it.
07:41Hey, at least we're in English.
07:43This is nice.
07:45Never looks like the box when I do it alone.
07:48Me either.
07:50We make a good team.
07:51All right.
07:58You start on Main Street, I'll do University Place, and we'll meet at the Bistro's.
08:02A noon-ish?
08:03Would you like a massage?
08:17I don't know.
08:19I'm really not a massage person.
08:21It only takes 15 minutes.
08:24Well, I do have some time to kill.
08:31I am not taking off my shirt.
08:34And I'm warning you.
08:36I've never been hypnotized.
08:37And I've never been relaxed.
08:39It actually feels...
08:51It feels...
08:54pretty good.
08:56Pleading for a lover's fee.
09:13Shall we there, fond pageant see?
09:16Lord, what fools these mortals be!
09:18I am very upset with you, Malcolm.
09:23You've made me care again.
09:27Malcolm, that was terrific.
09:29God, I'd give anything to be as good as you.
09:31I mean, if you're this good now, imagine how amazing you're gonna be when you're 15.
09:36And think of how cute he's gonna be when he's 15.
09:39Oh!
09:40Oh, my God.
09:43Did I just giggle?
09:44Did you just...
09:46giggle?
09:48Stevie, what are you doing here?
09:50You missed...
09:53the meeting.
09:55You jeopardize...
09:58sing...
10:01our project.
10:05Great, huh?
10:06Scene class.
10:06I wonder if I can just go straight to high school.
10:12I've been told skipping grades sent you socially, but I think I've been lied to.
10:19But, sir, that's a photo of my sister.
10:21To you, she's your sister.
10:23To the other cadets, she's a...
10:26distraction.
10:27Now, if you need me to go into more detail on that, I will.
10:33How long are those sight burns, cadet?
10:36This is crazy.
10:40Even prisoners can have photographs.
10:43Spangler's trying to take away the things that remind us we're still human.
10:46Francis, don't rock the boat.
10:49I don't care anymore.
10:51It's time to take a last desperate stand for individuality and freedom.
10:55Malcolm, Rhys, get a move on!
11:08Good God, Hal, when are you going to clean this up?
11:11Malcolm, Rhys, let's go!
11:13Honey, I promised Dewey we'd spend time with him.
11:16This wasn't cost a fortune!
11:17Oh, we'll talk about this later.
11:19Some of us have places to be!
11:28So, Dewey, I'm thinking our little community can use a school.
11:33Don't need it.
11:34Everyone's born smart.
11:35Oh, that's beautiful, son.
11:39It's a utopia.
11:41And anyone stupid would be ground up for food.
11:45Oh.
11:46A cannibal utopia.
11:49Interesting.
11:49Oh, you're still here?
11:58I was just doing some shopping and I thought while I was here, you know, I'd, I'd stop over and say hi.
12:12Oh, my God.
12:15How do you do that?
12:18Release points.
12:19This, this releases the mind.
12:24This releases the heart.
12:29And you know what this one does.
12:37Wow.
12:38We need to talk.
12:48You've missed our last five secret meetings.
12:50And our test runs in less than 20 minutes.
12:54Why do you hate us?
12:55Guys, I don't hate you.
12:58You've just been really busy.
13:01We're still friends.
13:02Really?
13:03Of course.
13:04So you're not bailing on the project?
13:07No.
13:07Then you have the final figures.
13:09Yeah.
13:10I worked on them all night after rehearsal.
13:12They're my desk.
13:16Here.
13:17It was the other kids who doubted you.
13:21Hey, Malcolm.
13:24You need a ride?
13:25I gotta go.
13:26Come on, Liam.
13:28Come on, Liam.
13:37She's distracted.
13:40We have to do it now.
13:41Oh, the program's running.
13:48Let's light this candle.
13:52Ignition.
13:55In.
13:58Five.
14:03Four.
14:05Four.
14:09Three.
14:11Six.
14:14Yeah!
14:16It's trajectory seems rather peculiar.
14:37Okay, there are any number of reasons why that might have gone wrong.
14:40It might have gone wrong.
14:42Where...
14:44is it?
14:49Take cover!
14:50I walk hard too, but I manage to make it to Lamont's class.
14:57We had a vote.
14:58We want you to get rid of the plant.
14:59You're gonna get us all in trouble with this little stunt of yours.
15:04We had a vote.
15:05We want you to get rid of the plant.
15:06You're gonna get us all in trouble with this little stunt of yours.
15:07This isn't a stunt.
15:08This isn't a stunt.
15:09It's an act of defiance.
15:10It's a plant.
15:12It's a plant.
15:13Can't you see this isn't about a plant?
15:14It's not worth the risk.
15:15Once again, it looks like I'm the only man around here.
15:17It looks like I'm the only man around here.
15:18I can't believe we were done, but I don't believe he is.
15:19I don't believe Nicole is going to close the last door.
15:20What am I?
15:21I can't believe you have nothing to do with this little stunt of yours.
15:22No營.
15:23No營.
15:24It's a plant.
15:26No營.
15:27No營.
15:28No營.
15:29That one營.
15:30No營.
15:31No營.
15:32No營.
15:33No營.
15:34No營.
15:35No營.
15:36No營.
15:37No營.
15:38No營.
15:39So much trouble.
15:41You have that one營.
15:42No營.
15:43No營.
15:44I can't believe Nicole's wearing a dress like that.
15:49You could totally see her navel.
15:51If she wants to be a slut, that's fine, but don't make me lose my life.
15:53I know. She's, like, totally trying to impress David.
15:56But the way he's all up in Brenda's business, she didn't have a chance.
16:00I can't believe how deep our conversations are getting.
16:03You're never going to believe what I heard about Josh, but you can't tell anyone.
16:06I overheard his stepsister while I was in the bathroom.
16:08His half-sister or stepsister?
16:10No, his stepsister. That's why he can have a crush on her.
16:13Ew!
16:15They were just talking about me, weren't they?
16:18No, we were talking about Josh.
16:19Oh, my God.
16:21His father, like, totally wigged out after catching him in the hot tub with his stepsister.
16:25But you know what? I don't even think he knows the whole story.
16:29Well, but that's my cue.
16:31I feel guilty having so much fun at ditching the crowboards.
16:34But I'm sure they're doing fine without me.
16:37You boys are just lucky no one called the police.
16:39You can't prove there's any correlation between our rocket exploding and Caroline giving birth in the parking lot.
16:47She and the baby are fine.
16:49Thanks for asking.
16:51And the rocket?
16:53Oh, God.
17:01Look, then it's true.
17:04It's finished.
17:18A perfect society.
17:21We have done what 5,000 years of so-called civilization couldn't do.
17:26We've created a world that works.
17:29You want to destroy it, don't you?
17:42Yeah.
17:43Well, I appreciate that you haven't.
17:46You've shown a lot of restraint.
17:50Here.
17:52Enjoy.
17:52Enjoy.
17:52Oh, honey, look, I know we got a little carried away, but this is it, I promise.
18:01It's okay, I'm going grocery shopping.
18:03Didn't you just go grocery shopping?
18:04Yeah, sure, no problem.
18:16Where's Mr. Lee?
18:17Excuse me?
18:18The massage guard.
18:19Where is he?
18:20Oh, he's not working here anymore.
18:23What do you mean?
18:24That's impossible.
18:25He would never leave without telling me.
18:27Well, I could try to find out where he moved to.
18:30So he could leave me again?
18:33Forget it!
18:34It's over!
18:40I heard John has a new piercing.
18:42I'll give you three guesses where, and it's not the ear or belly button.
18:45Well, Julie, now she'd been camping with him when her boyfriend was out of town.
18:48John takes all the girls camping, and he tries to convince him to go skinny-dipping with him,
18:52but I think seeing John and Iggy would turn me off the girls forever.
18:54Oh, you know what we should totally do?
18:55We should totally have a pool party at my house on Saturday.
18:58Malcolm, want to come?
18:58Yeah.
18:59Wait, I have something to do on Saturday.
19:03Oh, yeah, the play.
19:04Live, live, die.
19:16Live, live, live, live, live, die.
19:20Hey, what happened to the judicial system presided over by a tribunal of wise elders?
19:27I am lined up and shot.
19:30Oh.
19:34You know, son, maybe you've been spending too much...
19:36Silence!
19:37Seize him!
19:38All right, son.
19:51I think it's time you goose-step off to bed.
19:55Dad, you're embarrassing me in front of my men.
20:02How?
20:04Why is this still here?
20:06No!
20:08No!
20:09No!
20:09No!
20:36No fair! You did it without me!
20:58Spanglers come and lose the plan.
21:01Time has come. We're drawing the line.
21:03This is our Alamo.
21:04Uh, well, that's a bad example, but you know what I mean.
21:09Ten putt!
21:15This is more like it.
21:18Everything ship-shape, the commanding officer enters
21:22and is greeted by straightened backs and the crack of shoe litter.
21:31Now I know it's been a rough couple of days.
21:35But you will agree, we are the better for it.
21:38We are a lean, mean, learning machine.
21:43Now I know that some of you think that I'm a sadist,
21:46but someday you will thank me.
21:49Man, that's brutal.
21:52Is there anything we can do to cheer you up?
21:55Do you have any more pictures of your sister?
21:58I give him curses, yet he gives me love.
22:05Oh, that my prayers could such affection move.
22:08Hal, please, stop. You're making it worse.
22:10The more I love, the more he hateth me.
22:14He's tired of me, and it's no fault of mine.
22:17You're okay, sport.
22:19You can play no part with Pyramus,
22:21for Pyramus is a copper man, as one shall see in a summer's day.
22:26Therefore you must...
22:27Why are we here?
22:29Malcolm betrayed us.
22:30If you love something, let it go.
22:34Save your cat poster philosophy for someone else.
22:37We're taking...
22:41The high road.
22:46We were totally scamming together.
22:49Nah, we were just smacking,
22:50and she claimed she was just hanging out with Andrew at the party,
22:52but they were really hooking up.
22:54I can't believe she would...
22:55Enough. Hold, or cut bow strings.
22:59Was that my cue? Quick, lower me.
23:07Oh, my God, that is so true.
23:13I don't know how cute he's going to be your bum.
23:15She was like, I asked you first, and I'm like, what are you like to do?
23:17She wants to be a slap, that's fine, but don't make me lose my lunch.
23:26I'm totally not calling her back until she apologized.
23:28I tried to help you, but I gained her friend.
23:30I enabled her assy behavior.
23:35This must be one of those times
23:37where it feels like an eternity,
23:39but only a few seconds have gone by.
23:41How come Malcolm hasn't said anything for five minutes?
23:51Line?
23:52Normally, I would enjoy this shot in the party,
23:55but this is just sad.
23:58Psst!
23:59How now, spirit, wither wander you?
24:03How now, spirit, wither wander you?
24:06Oh, I've heard Mark is telling you it's a goth.
24:08It's just so bad.
24:09I mean, like, swear, swear, swear.
24:11Ew!
24:17The king doth keep his revels here tonight.
24:22The king doth keep his revels here tonight.
24:25So, good night unto you all.
24:33Give me your hands if we be friends.
24:36And Robin shall restore amends!
24:39It's over?
24:47Will you promise me partial nudity?
24:50Yeah, that was a lie.
24:52And the ice cream doctor?
24:54That do it.
25:01Woo!
25:02Woo!
25:02Woo!
25:10Woo!
25:10Woo!
25:14How now, spirit, wither born to you, the king doth keep his revels here tonight?
25:40I knew I knew it. Take Cade the queen, come not within his sight, for Oberon's passing fell on wrath.
25:48Because that she, as her attendant, had a lovely boy stolen from an Indian king.
25:53She never had so sweet a child.
26:10She never had so sweet a child.