Veep Season 2 Episode 8 First Response
Veep Season 2 Episode 8 First Response
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00:00Thank you so much for setting this interview up, Dan.
00:19I really wish it's perfect.
00:20My pleasure.
00:21Look, this is a walk in the park.
00:22Yes.
00:23This is a nice casual conversation between two friends today.
00:26America is a guest in your home.
00:28Welcome America.
00:29The thing to keep in mind is Janet needs this more than you do.
00:32That is so true.
00:33Okay.
00:34I mean, she's kind of a lightweight now.
00:36We're doing her a favor by bringing her to this.
00:39You know what?
00:40We gotta prep.
00:41Prep time.
00:42Let's go.
00:43Okay.
00:44The song, That Offended Half of Europe?
00:45Uh-huh.
00:46Didn't offend half of Europe.
00:47Okay.
00:48Fine.
00:49Well, I have to tell you, Janet, that was a lighthearted party.
00:51On the campaign trail, you and Andrew were all smiles, but behind the scenes, you were
00:54fighting like snakes in a bag.
00:56You're a fraud and a liar, ma'am.
00:58No.
00:59What?
01:00What are you doing?
01:01Hitting you.
01:02Guys, we're prepping for a puff piece, not for a roast.
01:03Right.
01:04What is she wearing, by the way?
01:05She's wearing a navy jacket.
01:09It's conservative and desperate at the same time.
01:11It's all of it.
01:12What?
01:13Look at what I'm wearing.
01:14Do we know what she's wearing yet?
01:15Can we find out what she's wearing?
01:16We are going to go in there in just a moment.
01:18They're expecting a puff piece.
01:19Right.
01:20There's the bluff puff, which we're going to start out with.
01:22You're her friend.
01:23You went to high school together.
01:24You guys like each other, and we switch right over to rough puff.
01:27Okay?
01:28Who does rough puff like you?
01:29Give me that rough puff.
01:30All right, Puff Daddy.
01:31Ooh.
01:32What is this one doing?
01:33He is moving a legless horse.
01:34Oh, Catherine.
01:35Oh, wow.
01:36Catherine.
01:37It is such an honor to meet you.
01:38It's a pleasure to meet you.
01:39I'm such a fan of yours.
01:41I actually am hoping to study broadcast journalism.
01:42Right now, I'm studying film studies and post-modern dance.
01:43How wonderful.
01:44Well, we'll have to talk about that when the cameras are rolling.
01:45I would love that.
08:44Excuse me.
08:45Okay.
08:46Yes?
08:47What do you,
08:48Come here.
08:49Why?
08:50What are you,
08:51come here.
08:52Why are you calling me?
08:53Jesus,
08:54you might,
08:55you might as well like cut out eye holes
08:56and peer through a fucking newspaper.
08:57What the fuck are you doing?
08:58It's apocalypse now.
08:59There's an email from Andrew to a lobbyist.
09:03He's claiming super access to Selene.
09:05He's bragging about it.
09:07This,
09:08it's fucking Andrew, yeah.
09:09Madam Vice President.
09:11Yes, yes.
09:12Yes, yes.
09:13Does your ex-husband, Andrew, have any political aspirations?
09:16Oh my goodness.
09:17We gotta tell her. We gotta tell her.
09:19No, no, no. Don't say anything to Selena.
09:22Why?
09:22Because Janet's right there.
09:24You don't think she's gonna notice that we're whispering in her ear?
09:25Then she gets on and she tells this dildo to look it up.
09:28And then we have a fucking story.
09:29What? What's going on?
09:30Andrew's fucking us again.
09:31He screwed us in all known dimensions.
09:33What's new?
09:34Another scandal.
09:35No, it's new. Yeah, but this is playing back.
09:37He's political poison. He's political fucking.
09:39Hi, Andrew.
09:40Drew.
09:41He's been in commercial real estate his entire life.
09:44So there's no reason there would be, should be a crossover.
09:47Well, I certainly couldn't, you know, answer that question for him.
09:54Would it surprise you to learn that only moments ago a blog has reported that your ex-husband promised a lobbyist favorable access to your office?
10:08It does exist an actual email from your ex-husband.
10:12I see.
10:13Okay.
10:14Hi, Jim.
10:15Remember, I have the vice president's ear and I can get all kinds of access to her.
10:20And then there's one of those winking emoticons at the bottom there.
10:26So I'm guessing that that was meant to some sort of a joke.
10:29You know, Andrew Meyer has no influence whatsoever over my decision making.
10:36It's hard to believe because you've just painted a picture of your relationship being very close.
10:41Extremely close.
10:42We're not telepathically linked.
10:45He can't read.
10:46That's our 15 minutes.
10:47That's the 15 minute mark.
10:49Great, great, great, great.
10:50Let's take a break.
10:51Let's take a break.
10:55God.
10:56Okay.
10:57Are you okay, Drew?
10:57Yeah, yeah, I'm good.
11:00Sorry, could I just adjust your radio mic?
11:02Oh, I got it.
11:04Whoa, whoa.
11:05Okay, here's my livelihood.
11:06You don't need to.
11:07Okay, I bet.
11:08All right, let's just back off.
11:09Are you okay?
11:09Fine.
11:10I know that you want to kill somebody right now.
11:14Yeah.
11:14Unfortunately, it can't be anyone in the building.
11:17Okay?
11:18Okay.
11:20When Selena told me who was going to be interviewing me, you couldn't keep me away.
11:25Talk to you a little later on.
11:26Wonderful, I look forward to it.
11:27Yeah, but let's take you now and get you all changed and fixed up.
11:33When we were married, he took longer in the bathroom than I did.
11:37Come on.
11:38Why would you say that?
11:39Get in here.
11:41What the hell is this thing?
11:42That's a cable.
11:44Oh, shit.
11:45Listen to me.
11:46What were you thinking?
11:48What?
11:48It was a joke.
11:50Once again, Andrew, you have totally lived down to my expectations.
11:54You know, when I invited you here to the residence to fuck me, I didn't mean this.
12:01Aren't we using each other?
12:03What are you talking about?
12:04Okay, I'll spell it out for you.
12:06How easy is it for the vice president of the United States of America to get some casual sex?
12:14I'm convenient.
12:16And I know—
12:17Let me tell you something.
12:19That's right, I am the vice president of the United States, and I choose now not to fuck you anymore.
12:27Time will tell.
12:29I gotta change.
12:32Yeah, you look awful.
12:33You look wonderful.
12:35Stop it.
12:37He's gonna go just change.
12:38Wait, where's he going?
12:40Get my stuff.
12:41In my bedroom.
12:43Oh, no.
12:43Uh-uh.
12:44Oh, Andrew's doing V-Pucking?
12:46You knew about this?
12:48Okay, this is a Category 5 shitstorm.
12:51She's over.
12:51She's done.
12:52I'm gone.
12:55I wonder if we can get just a shot of Andrew's entrance just for establishing.
13:00So you guys meet here, kiss, kiss, hi, hi, it's a family getting together.
13:03No, no, no, I understand what an entrance is and how to greet people.
13:07I get that.
13:08That's great.
13:09Okay.
13:09Oh, here he comes.
13:10No, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
13:12No, no, no, you're not gonna get this.
13:14I'm so sorry, we're not gonna do that.
13:16We don't have a front door in our attic like in some sort of Dr. Seuss book or something.
13:21Sometimes filming these off-guarded moments, things get a little tense.
13:24Well, no, it's not tense at all.
13:26We're having a great time, and I'm thrilled you guys are here, but let's just do it the right way.
13:29Oh, Andrew!
13:30Hi, Dad.
13:31How are you?
13:32Nice to see you.
13:33Excuse me.
13:34How are you?
13:36Nice to see you.
13:36Nice to see you, Dad.
13:38How are you?
13:39How often does this happen?
13:41Oh, God.
13:43Once a week we get together for a gab and a gobble.
13:46Yeah, well, I mean, you know, a schedule's permitting and stuff because now I really consider myself to be married to my vice presidential office.
13:55I mean, recently, Mary King and I were working through the night to avoid this shutdown.
14:01And, of course, it wasn't avoided, sadly.
14:04Do you think you could have worked a little harder on that?
14:08Well, we are working harder.
14:10It's frustrating, of course, but it's a long process.
14:14It's a very long process.
14:16Knock, knock!
14:17Jay Rock is in the building.
14:20We're in the middle of filming.
14:22Oh, my name is Jonah.
14:23Jay Dog, Jay Dog.
14:25Howdy, handsome.
14:26How are you?
14:27How you doing?
14:27Hey, Jonah.
14:28Great to see you again.
14:30God, you've grown up, huh?
14:32I had a great time at your birthday party, by the way.
14:35Good to see you.
14:36Hey, how's it hanging?
14:37Jonah is, our dear Jonah, is our White House liaison.
14:41Yeah, guilty.
14:42And he's one of the more colorful characters in the West Wing.
14:48Well said.
14:48That was quite an entrance.
14:49Oh, thank you.
14:50I try to make a mark.
14:52I just want to say I'm a huge fan, by the way.
14:54I love your work.
14:55Genuinely.
14:56And actually, I'm going to give you my card just in case you
14:59ever need me sort of like inside the West Wing kind of stuff.
15:02I do occasional media appearances.
15:04I give great talking head.
15:05OK.
15:06Jonah, to what may we owe this pleasure?
15:09Oh, I just got off the phone with the White House,
15:11and in 15 minutes, POTUS is going to announce
15:14that the shutdown is over.
15:18Is that true?
15:19Isn't that great?
15:21Isn't that great?
15:22Move in on her.
15:23Yeah, the Speaker, Senate Majority Leader and POTUS,
15:26they thrashed out a deal, and we switched America back on.
15:31Congratulations, Madam Vice President.
15:33Fantastic.
15:34You did it.
15:35You did it.
15:36You did it.
15:36The resolution took less time than you anticipated.
15:39Well, it took all the time leading up to this time.
15:43You were expecting a solution today.
15:46Yes, I was, yes.
15:47And yet, you said it was going to be a long process.
15:51And it was, yeah.
15:53It was.
15:53Were you involved in the-
15:55Jenna, it's like when you loosen a pickle jar,
15:57and somebody comes by, and they just open it.
15:59This is the shutdown lid loosener.
16:02Pickle jar.
16:04Loosener.
16:04I like it.
16:05I like it.
16:05No, but can you talk us through the final agreement?
16:11You know, I can, and I also want to eat some lunch.
16:16Are we hungry?
16:18Yeah.
16:18Yeah.
16:19Yeah.
16:19Let's get some lunch.
16:20That's a cut.
16:20Yeah.
16:21Yeah, I think that's a cut.
16:22Lunch time.
16:22That's a cut.
16:24Oh my god, she didn't know.
16:26That reminded me why I got into this business in the first place.
16:29I am so attracted to you right now.
16:32I think that I'd like to just sit back and watch you all prepare this meal.
16:36Pretend I'm not here.
16:37I kind of want to be the fly on a wall.
16:39Oh my god.
16:40Andrew, that's getting everywhere.
16:43I'm going to get you a peeler, OK?
16:47I don't need a peeler, thank you.
16:49Yeah, you need a peeler.
16:50Actually, actually I don't.
16:53Well, I'm trying to remember where, you know, you know how sometimes you have something in your kitchen, you know where it is, and then all of a sudden you can't find it?
17:00And that is what's happened to me right now.
17:02Well, you probably have some, so much stuff in and out of here that-
17:05No, no, no, no, I know this kitchen like the back of my hand.
17:10Oh, that's not it.
17:12OK, I don't know where.
17:15Ugh, this is maddening.
17:18Did you ever have this happen to you, where you're trying to find-
17:21I'm not here.
17:22OK, you're not here, I'm so sorry.
17:23I'm talking to myself.
17:24Where are you, peeler?
17:26OK, I got it.
17:28It was in with the napkins, inexplicably.
17:31Here you go.
17:31Use that for the carrots.
17:33Actually, I'm all done.
17:34I'm good.
17:35OK.
17:36Tell me, don't you normally have staff to cater for you?
17:41Yeah, definitely.
17:42Well, sure, but I just love banging the pots around.
17:46I think you would say that I'm a foodie.
17:48So, just to flag with you, Andrew's obviously off the table.
17:53Well, technically, he's very much at the table, currently.
17:57What's on the menu?
17:59Herb roasted chicken and some arugula salad.
18:03Catherine, do you enjoy your folks' cooking?
18:06Yeah, I love the way that they cook the vegetables.
18:10The vegetables are always my favorite.
18:12I just, I love vegetables so, so much.
18:14Working for the vegetable lobby?
18:18I'll be right back.
18:18I just have to grab something.
18:20OK, darling.
18:21Please, can you use the peeler?
18:23I'm all done with the carrots.
18:24No, you're not.
18:25That's all the carrots we're going to use.
18:26I realize there are more carrots.
18:29We don't need any more.
18:31The Get Moving campaign, which, as you know, I spearheaded.
18:37As I launched that campaign, I discovered a local organic butcher.
18:43And he does a lot of grass-fed.
18:52Grass-fed cattle and free-range chickens?
18:56Yeah.
18:57What's your favorite meal that you can't wait to have?
19:00I really, I love the roasted Brussels sprouts that my mom and dad make.
19:11Yep.
19:13OK, well, they're taking a break.
19:14So this gives us a chance to come in here, have a little chat.
19:19You never told me that you were a vegetarian.
19:21I told you three months ago.
19:23No, you didn't, Catherine.
19:24What?
19:24Now that she mentions it, I think it does sound familiar.
19:27It's completely useless.
19:28You know what?
19:29Just because he's a liability doesn't mean you have to be a liability, too.
19:33Now, I'm going to tell you something.
19:34You're eating that chicken.
19:35I am not going to do it.
19:36I'm a vegetarian, Mom.
19:37You swallowed chicken your entire life.
19:40You're going to do it again today.
19:42I swallowed your bullshit my entire life.
19:44OK, look, little lady, we don't talk to your mother like that.
19:47All right, I'm just, god damn it.
19:49Could you?
19:49Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
19:52You know when you're 12 and you just get rid of it?
19:54No, speak for yourself.
19:57It's going to look really bad for your mom if she doesn't know that you're a vegetarian on TV.
20:01I'm not going to sacrifice my morals for her career anymore.
20:05I've done that.
20:06It's not that bad.
20:08Well, doesn't that chicken look just amazing, Catherine?
20:11It looks delicious.
20:13Yeah.
20:14Love it when Dad cooks.
20:16Man of hidden talents.
20:17I don't like to brag.
20:18Not about cooking, anyway.
20:20OK, babe.
20:21There you go.
20:22Wow.
20:23Eat that up.
20:24I just need to reiterate with you, we have agreed on all of these topics.
20:28And the Andrew email story was not agreed.
20:30Sweetheart, it's news, OK?
20:32It happened today.
20:33It's new with an S on it.
20:36That's just what news is, so.
20:37With all due respect, this is not news.
20:39This is the fucking food channel you got here.
20:41Well, with all due respect, fuck you.
20:44All right, I own the edit on your shitshow politician that you connected yourself to.
20:49Not me, you little gremlin.
20:51And has it been a happy divorce for you, Catherine?
20:55Yeah, I think knowing that my mom had to be available 24 hours a day really taught me not to be too demanding as a child.
21:03Well, that's true.
21:05So you don't feel parentally shortchanged, then, do you, Catherine?
21:08No.
21:10I'm actually a big music fan, so I usually try to explain my parents in terms of music.
21:14You know, musicians sometimes are better in bands or sometimes better solo.
21:19That's interesting.
21:20Like the Beatles, you know, better as a band.
21:22Or Michael Jackson, better solo.
21:26Although not a great parent, admittedly.
21:30Well, actually, did OK with his own kids when other kids got involved and it got real dicey.
21:36But no, then he did dangle that one from a great height.
21:40Right over that railing.
21:43You cross me on this and you're never ever going to get the beep on camera again.
21:48Why the fuck are you still talking to me?
21:50Huh? You just let someone get close enough to fuck some sunshine in you.
21:54You shut your mouth.
21:56You, you, you do not know anything about me.
21:59You think that this is easy when I do.
22:01Yeah. Having ten thousand interests screaming in your fucking face the way that I am screaming in your face right now, all day, every day.
22:08I am fucking good at this.
22:10Can we just put a film? Are you?
22:11This is good. She's good at this.
22:14You guys. Sorry.
22:16Antique windows. Bring it down.
22:19Antique windows. Bring it down.
22:20Amy, let's go find your dignity over here, OK?
22:24Get her out of here. Fucking amateur.
22:26All right. Hey, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
22:29OK. Whoa.
22:31OK, listen, you need to calm down.
22:34At least I am giving a shit. You are flatlining all day.
22:37OK, OK. But has she been impressive at all today?
22:41Look, I've grabbed her performance. OK, look at this.
22:43Look at this nice little graphic. Here's time.
22:46Here's her fucking career. Now, maybe there should be a little uptick because she didn't barf her food all over the table.
22:51I don't know. So if she doesn't turn this fucking shit show around, guess what?
22:55I don't know which way I'm going to bounce.
22:56Amy, when my Meemaw used to find herself getting snappy, she would sing her favorite song.
23:03Oh, I wish I were in the land of cotton. Old times there were not forgotten.
23:09Look away. Look away. Look away.
23:13Dixieland. Favorite family vacation.
23:17White water raft. Disneyland. Which is it?
23:21No, honey, we didn't ever go to Disneyland.
23:23Oh, no, you didn't take me. Rosa took me with her family.
23:27Who's Rosa? She was a housekeeper.
23:31Housekeeper. That's right. You spent a lot of time with your housekeeper.
23:34Yeah, she was like a... We did go to India.
23:38India was awful. I don't know why you didn't give me this earlier.
23:43Well, I didn't want to give it to you before your interview. God, you don't want any water?
23:47No, I've gotten good at it. Look at this.
23:49I was supposed to be stressing my successes. Instead, I'm sitting there stuffing my face with chicken.
23:53Great stuff in there, guys. Good stuff. Thumbs up.
23:57Andrew looks great on camera. Get off my stairs, John.
23:59Oh, yes, ma'am. Ma'am. What? I need to give you some straight talk right now, okay?
24:02What? All of your worst fears about how this day could have possibly have gone... Yeah?
24:07...have come true. Oh, my God. No, no. Up here. Look at me.
24:10You want to own this interview? Yeah. Say it. I want to own it.
24:13All right, here's what you're going to do. You're going to do something big.
24:15You're going to do something bold. Yeah. And you're going to do it in the next five minutes.
24:19How about this? How about I lift up my dress, give everyone a big fat shot of my cooch?
24:22Jesus Christ. Everything okay up there?
24:25All right. You need more pep talk? Yep. Let's do it. Did he just hear that?
24:29Nope. Use the force, ma'am. I don't even know what that means.
24:34Big and bold. What do you mean? Like a medley from Okla-fucking-homa?
24:37Look, I tried to wake her up, okay? I have no choice but to be the fucking curveball.
24:44Fantastic. Okay.
24:48Let's roll cameras. Sound.
24:53So, what a lovely afternoon I have gotten to spend with the second family.
24:58How about that? Yeah.
25:00Catherine, would you vote for your parents to get back together again?
25:04No, no, no. This way I get a Christmas and a birthday present off of each of them.
25:10Catherine, how does all this affect how you approach relationships?
25:15Not terribly much. I'm in a very different phase of my life.
25:18You know, my boyfriend and I are very young and not really talking about marriage.
25:23This would be Rahim?
25:27Yes.
25:29That is an interesting name. Is that Indian?
25:33It's Iranian. It's a second generation American Persian.
25:39I'm calling Tel Aviv now.
25:41And has he been welcomed into your home?
25:44No. Only because it's a casual thing and it's actually ended.
25:51Really? I'm sorry to hear that, honey.
25:53That's okay.
25:55Speaking of relationships, Andrew, I'm sorry, I simply have to ask you about your relationship with lobbyist Jim Melita
26:02and the implication that you offered access to the vice president.
26:06Yeah.
26:08It's...
26:12In a word...
26:16Come on.
26:18Perhaps it's possible that I have overplayed my hand.
26:25Well, I think it's safe to say that Andrew overreached and just said something silly.
26:32Yeah.
26:35I suppose that the vice president would also agree that when she said she was in the loop over national security,
26:44that also may have been a bit of an exaggeration.
26:50I'm actually not sure that those two situations are comparable.
26:54I believe that they are.
26:56And in so much as you refuse to comment on the spy allegations or the hostage situation until the investigation is complete,
27:04I too would like to refrain until I find out just exactly what it is I'm accused of having said or not said.
27:12You do understand that sounds like you're playing for time and actually are hiding something.
27:22I'm sorry, was that a question for me or Selena?
27:24I think that question is for me.
27:28I want to talk about the spy, the CIA operative.
27:33No. No.
27:35There was a miscommunication for which I want to apologize on behalf of the administration.
27:42You know, the intention was never to mislead the American people, but that was its effect.
27:49And for that I really am truly sorry.
27:53But I am saying that I had full knowledge of the spy's status.
27:58But she didn't. I know.
28:00Madam Vice President, this is quite an admission.
28:03I have taken on a role now, an important role in national security.
28:10And I take great pride in that responsibility.
28:14Now sometimes you have to act.
28:18Always you have to listen.
28:20Because in politics a backbone and a heart are only as good as your ears.
28:35And my ears are my livelihood.
28:39Okay, that's our segment guys.
28:45Madam Vice President, that was an amazing interview.
28:49Well, thank you very much.
28:50So you're going to take the spotlight back from the end of the shutdown, I'll tell you that.
28:54We'll see.
28:55Best of luck, Andrew. Good luck with all that.
28:59Way to go, Team Meyer.
29:01I'm on it. Right? Congratulations.
29:04Honestly, that was something else, Mom.
29:07I'm really sorry that I brought up Rahim. I know you didn't want me to do that.
29:11You know what? I'm sorry you had to dump him on the air.
29:13Notes about the interview. I just want to help you keep an eye out for those.
29:16Get out of here.
29:17How are you doing?
29:18I spewed out so much bullshit.
29:20I'm going to need a mint. A fucking mint.
29:22You want a mint?
29:23No, I don't mean it.
29:26He's going to head back.
29:27If anybody needs me, Wesley.
29:29No one does, John.
29:30No one needs you, Joan.
29:32Amy?
29:33Yes, ma'am.
29:34Did Andrew leave?
29:35He's gone.
29:36Can you see if he's still out there?
29:38He just had a jacket.
29:39Oh, your jacket is up here.
29:42Jacket.
29:43I'll wait here or...
29:46No, it's fine.
29:47It's fine.
29:48I know where his stuff is.
29:50Are they going to...
29:52It's like a victory fuck.
29:54He better come down.
29:56Is he coming back down?
29:57Do we need to wait for him?
29:59We got it.
30:00We're good.
30:02Okay.
30:04Where are my parents?
30:08Did my dad leave?
30:10They're having a...
30:11They're having a talk.
30:12They're having a talk upstairs.
30:14A talk upstairs?
30:15I think they might be getting you something.
30:17Oh, Jesus Christ.