Veep Season 2 Episode 6 Andrew
Veep Season 2 Episode 6 Andrew
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00:00So, incorruptible tribunes of the free press, please enjoy this Finnish breakfast.
00:21As you know, the vice president recently signed an historic software agreement with Finland,
00:25so...
00:26Wasn't her trip to Europe overshadowed by the song?
00:27You know, the one where she mocked Europeans?
00:29She wasn't mocking Europeans.
00:31I would say the song was jesty, but more importantly, right now the vice president is meeting with
00:36the House Majority Leader, Mary King, and they are brokering a debt reduction deal that's
00:40going to avert a government shutdown.
00:42Selina Meyer is becoming one of the most effective American vice presidents in history.
00:46She was crucial in freeing of the Uzbekistan hostages, correct?
00:51Yes.
00:52Um...
00:53The software...
00:54Did she know that one of the hostages was a spy?
00:58Endangering the other three students?
01:01Uh, possibly not quite at the time.
01:05So all this stuff she's been saying about being a crucial part of the military rescue
01:09is a lie?
01:10Okay, slow down, Leon.
01:11Is your blood sugar off?
01:13Have a pastry or some herring, okay?
01:16Answer the question.
01:17I don't know what she knew or when she knew it, Leon.
01:20Mike, Mike, either she knew that the student was a spy and lied when she denied it, or
01:27she didn't know that he was a spy, but lied about knowing the details of the military
01:32rescue.
01:33This isn't Meyer the liar again.
01:34Well, it is now.
01:37This isn't going to be a cakewalk, Selina.
01:39This one's the hard bargaining.
01:40Don't you worry.
01:41I know how to haggle.
01:42You betcha.
01:43Okay.
01:44How are your boys?
01:45They're great.
01:46How's Catherine?
01:47She's 21.
01:48That's great.
01:49Yeah, we're having her party tonight, so I'm excited about that.
01:53Tonight?
01:54Yeah.
01:55You know, all you ever want for these kids is to be happy and healthy and stay out of
02:01Middle East politics, so two out of three ain't bad.
02:06I'm amazed you can laugh about that.
02:08Yes, that's what I do.
02:10I'm laughing about it.
02:12She has that boyfriend, then.
02:14Do you think that's going to actually lead to a marriage?
02:15Should we get going with this business at the end?
02:18Yeah.
02:19I wonder how it's going in there.
02:20It's like waiting for a biopsy result.
02:24Well, Mary's a player.
02:26Should own Brian Earl in negotiations by pretending to faint.
02:29Oh, so after Catherine's birthday party tonight, you want to grab a bite, talk about Helsinki,
02:33strategize a little bit?
02:34I have a date for tonight.
02:36Yeah.
02:37Yeah?
02:38Who is it?
02:39Ed.
02:40Ooh.
02:41What does Ed do?
02:42Ed Webster is the fundraiser for the party, and he's worked for Selena for the past five
02:47years.
02:48So?
02:49Cracked into the questioning.
02:50He's one of Selena's guys?
02:53You swore you were only going to date outside D.C.
02:55He's not in D.C.
02:56He works in Boston.
02:57Oh, well, my mom doesn't live in Rome, but you're still a fucking Catholic.
03:00Are you getting worked up, Danny?
03:02Shut the fuck up, Carrie.
03:03I'm so happy you're happy for me, Dan.
03:05Oh, what do you want?
03:06A fucking cake?
03:07Look.
03:08I can be happy.
03:09See?
03:10There you go.
03:12The only real cut here is unemployment insurance.
03:15Mary, POTUS is not going to make any cuts to unemployment insurance, and you know that.
03:20Do I need to explain to you how haggling works?
03:23How about a 10% cut to NIH, okay?
03:25I need 20.
03:26I can't do those numbers.
03:28That's not going to work.
03:29God bless you.
03:31Then the only obvious solution is unemployment insurance.
03:35No.
03:37I told you.
03:38I can't do that.
03:44What are you doing?
03:45What?
03:46You stalling for time?
03:47Let me get you a Kleenex, yeah?
03:51I think it's over.
03:52Sneezes always come in threes if you ever notice them.
03:55Oh, really?
03:56Is that so?
03:57Oh.
03:58Well, that was a fourth.
03:59So maybe I need to tell you about how counting works, right?
04:03Okay.
04:04All right.
04:05We can raise the keys.
04:06The what?
04:07The Indian Health Services.
04:08Are you going to faint?
04:09Oh, very funny.
04:10Do you want water?
04:11Yes.
04:12I'll get you some water.
04:13I'm going to get you water.
04:14Okay.
04:15How's it going, ma'am?
04:16Wow.
04:17You're really hardballing her, huh?
04:18No.
04:19She's pretending to cough herself inside out.
04:20Could you get her some water, please?
04:21I don't know what is going on.
04:22Oh.
04:23Oh, my God.
04:24Mary?
04:25Are you all right?
04:26I think I'm having an allergic reaction.
04:27What are you allergic to?
04:28Is there cat hair?
04:29I have cats.
04:30Oh, Gary has cats.
04:31Wait.
04:32Gary, Gary, Gary.
04:33We need the water.
04:34Yeah.
04:35There you go.
04:36Oh, my God.
04:37Oh, my God.
04:38Oh, my God.
04:39Oh, my God.
04:40Oh, my God.
04:41Oh, my God.
04:42Yeah, there you go.
04:43Is it this mohair?
04:44It might be the mohair, I think.
04:45No, she's not.
04:46The nuts?
04:47Is it the nuts?
04:48Did you eat nuts?
04:49Did you eat nuts?
04:50No.
04:51Is it the flowers?
04:52What?
04:53The ones I got for Catherine's birthday.
04:54Oh, Christ.
04:55Those fuckers.
04:56That's it?
04:57Yeah.
04:58All right.
04:59Shit.
05:00Okay.
05:01All right.
05:02Sorry.
05:03Oh, God.
05:04Gary, deflower the room.
05:05Okay.
05:06Here's a sentence I bet you thought you'd never hear.
05:07I'm not good for another four hours.
05:08We've got to take this up tonight.
05:09Mary, I've got my daughter's 21st birthday.
05:10Well, don't go.
05:11I can't not go to her.
05:12Would you miss your son's civil union ceremony?
05:16I did.
05:17Oh.
05:18All right.
05:19Well, then, you have to come to Catherine's.
05:21We've got to finish this tonight.
05:23Yes, we do, don't I?
05:25Come.
05:26You can bring a plus one.
05:29Stick a coat and tie on a fucking oxygen tank.
05:32Mike, Leon West called my line twice.
05:35Did you lose your phone again?
05:37No.
05:38Uh, Leon's a little skeptical about the whole spy thing,
05:41and some dumbass is resurrecting Meyer the liar.
05:44Ugh.
05:45Just because my last name rhymes with liar,
05:48how lucky am I that I'm not, you know,
05:50Selina Mapist or Selina Metaphile?
05:53Yeah, yeah, I just saw Mary King.
05:55Looked like she's been thrown up by a whale.
05:57Yeah, she had an allergy attack.
05:59So, did you do the deal?
06:00Tell me you did the deal.
06:01I'm going to finish it tonight.
06:02She's coming to Catherine's birthday party.
06:05Jesus.
06:06You know, if we don't get this done by midnight,
06:08we're all going to turn into ugly sisters
06:10and get eaten by wolves or whatever the fuck happens
06:13at the end of that story.
06:14Sonic boom in the room.
06:16Ma'am?
06:17No.
06:18Oh, okay.
06:19Well, POTUS wanted me to come down here
06:20and peep the skinny on the debt negotiation.
06:22Okay, that's a fire hazard, so let's just...
06:24Gary, I have been sent here from the president.
06:27Okay, so, the president's already going through
06:30a lot of pressure about this, you know,
06:32hostage-lying bullshit.
06:34He's under pressure?
06:35Yes.
06:36I'm under pressure.
06:37Well, you do have a choice.
06:38You could say you were out of the loop
06:40for the hostage rescue,
06:41which would make you look clueless,
06:42or you could say you were in the loop,
06:44which would make you look devious.
06:46You know, either way,
06:47just blur the fuck out of it.
06:51Uh-huh.
06:52Oh, fuck.
06:54Ma'am, anything that...
06:57Amy, Ed Webster is here to see you.
06:59I think he's nervous.
07:00His voice sounded clammy.
07:01Oh, okay.
07:03That's good, that's good.
07:04Look at you all flustered.
07:05Yeah.
07:06It's good that you'll have sex soon.
07:08Okay, guys, we need to prep two press releases
07:11for the end of the Mary King talks at the party tonight.
07:14Okay, version one,
07:16Selina Meyer ends fiscal deadlock,
07:19saves America.
07:20Version two, Mary King steals Peace Pipe,
07:24breaks it in half, shit's all over it.
07:26Ma'am, your ex-husband just called.
07:28He says that he wants to pick up Catherine.
07:30No, I have a car picking her up already.
07:33I arranged that.
07:34He is such a conniving, grabby prick.
07:37Is it typical or what?
07:38Unbelievable.
07:39Just wrong.
07:40I hate him so much.
07:42Sorry, um, can I ask why?
07:44This will explain it perfectly.
07:46Valentine's Day?
07:48Oh, yeah.
07:49A couple years ago?
07:50Mm-hmm.
07:51He gave me a black Porsche...
07:52Oh.
07:53...that he bought with Catherine's trust fund money.
07:55Oh.
07:56I mean, he just fluffs ya, then he fucks ya.
07:58Yeah.
07:59Well, speaking of...
08:00Oh, yeah, that's a perfect example.
08:02Yeah.
08:03Here you go.
08:04So, he took me to Cap D'Antibes for the night.
08:08Yeah, they had crazy intercourse.
08:13Only after which he told me that he sold our second home.
08:18Yeah.
08:19Yeah, he's like a belly dancer with a hammer.
08:21That would hurt.
08:23You know what?
08:25I'm not worried about Andy,
08:26because I'm gonna completely obliterate him
08:29with my fucking poise and sophistication.
08:32You know what I mean?
08:34God, did you hear that?
08:36Yeah, yeah.
08:37She's calling him Andy instead of Andrew.
08:39It's starting.
08:40God.
08:41What?
08:42Every time Andy's on the scene, she gets all...
08:45Giddy.
08:46She's this terrible laugh.
08:49She's like...
08:50Yeah, exactly.
08:52With a...
08:53Yeah, yeah.
08:54Mm-hmm.
08:55She just says she hates him.
08:57She does.
08:58But every time she gets around him...
08:59It's so weird.
09:01It's like a cat on a hot tin dog.
09:03Hey, Gary.
09:04Yeah?
09:05You know my red thing?
09:07Yeah?
09:08Do you think that it shows enough skin?
09:11Yeah.
09:13Okay, I'm gonna be the sexiest woman
09:15to ever exude physical prudence.
09:17And you know what?
09:18That's a very fucking tough look to pull off,
09:20don't you think?
09:21Okay, you can't wear a bra with that one.
09:23Yeah, I know.
09:24Amy.
09:26Hey.
09:27Hey.
09:28Hey, Ed.
09:29How are...
09:30Oh.
09:31Uh, so you all ready for the party?
09:33Um, fair warning.
09:35I party pretty hard.
09:37Uh, you should see me dance.
09:39I can't be controlled.
09:40Oh.
09:41I do a lot of pelvic thrusts.
09:42Oh.
09:43It's just very localized dancing.
09:44Oh.
09:45Very small orbits.
09:46I've been wrecking parties since I was 13.
09:49I was like the Hunter S. Thompson of bar mitzvahs.
09:52Hey, is the vice president here?
09:54I didn't want it to seem like I was lurking.
09:56Yeah, yeah, no, you're not.
09:57It's...
09:58No, are you...
09:59You should be thrilled to see you again.
10:00Madam vice president.
10:02Uh, hello?
10:04Hi.
10:05Hi.
10:07Oh.
10:08Ed.
10:09You know Ed.
10:10Yeah.
10:11Oh, yes.
10:12Oh, yes, of course.
10:13Oh, no.
10:14Yeah.
10:15We, we, we, uh...
10:16We, we, we met in, um...
10:17In Bumbuck, Idaho, I think it was.
10:19Uh, D.C.
10:20Yes, that's exactly...
10:21Yeah, yeah.
10:22That's what I...
10:23I like to call D.C. as a joke.
10:25Uh-oh.
10:27Well...
10:28Great, great.
10:29Uh, I'll see you again soon, ma'am.
10:32Okay.
10:33We're meeting there, yeah?
10:34Right.
10:35Okay.
10:36Bye.
10:37Hey, buddy.
10:38Don't worry that she didn't remember you, okay?
10:39Don't worry because you're a non-entity.
10:40Who is he?
10:41That, that was...
10:42That's Ed Webster.
10:43He's my date for tonight.
10:44He runs your...
10:45He runs your PAX Boston office.
10:47Oh.
10:48He's, he's really connected.
10:49Lobbyist turned fundraiser.
10:51Another guy at a bus station with a bucket, right?
10:54Okay, I am ready to take on Andrew.
10:57I need my happy pills.
10:59A little bit of joy.
11:05So what do you think?
11:06Do you like it?
11:07Yeah, it's, it's unreal, Mom.
11:10Right?
11:11I mean, like, don't you think that you and your friends would call this whole thing an epic succeed?
11:15Something like that, yeah.
11:17Ah, there's your dad.
11:18Doing that thing that he does.
11:20Pleasantly talking to other people.
11:22You know what he does.
11:23He remembers one little thing about each person.
11:26Lawrence, nice to see you still running marathons.
11:28Okay.
11:29Great.
11:30Surprising you still got any nipples left.
11:32Aunt Jenny, nice to see you.
11:35Remember that one time when you said you were way into twilight and I thought you meant the time of day?
11:42It really is the most dangerous time for traffic, though.
11:45Please, enjoy yourselves.
11:47Andrew?
11:48Mary.
11:49How are you?
11:50Wonderful to see you, Congresswoman.
11:52How are you?
11:53Mom, you've invited the House Majority Leader to my birthday party.
11:57Yeah, sweetheart.
11:58It's the 100 billion cutoff.
11:59You've heard about that, right?
12:00Of course I've heard about that.
12:01Okay, so we are fixing the biggest problem facing the world right here, right now at your party.
12:07So that's kind of cool, don't you think?
12:09Hello.
12:10Oh, hi.
12:11Hi, I got you a glass of champagne.
12:13Thank you, Rahim.
12:14You drink alcohol?
12:16Yes, ma'am.
12:17Oh.
12:18You Iranians are full of surprises.
12:19Cheers.
12:20Salamatik.
12:21What did he just say?
12:22I don't know.
12:23Some gibberish.
12:24I can't understand him.
12:25Hey, baby, once you said hello to everyone, do you want to go clubbing?
12:28Yeah.
12:29Anywhere but here.
12:31Ben?
12:32What are you doing here?
12:34I spoke to POTUS.
12:35Yeah?
12:36And he said okay on the cuts on employment benefits.
12:39All the other deals are done.
12:41So come on, let's get this tied up so we can get this party started.
12:45Yeah, I...
12:46What did you do?
12:47You plus-tent yourself here?
12:49What, number crunchers?
12:50Top you finish a deal.
12:51Yeah.
12:52And one of them is a designated driver because I am going to get fucked up.
13:00You look so good, you're like a work of art.
13:03And you make this stuff look like shit.
13:06Compared to you, that Monet is a piece of shit.
13:12Selena, you ready?
13:13Give me five minutes.
13:14I just got to go talk to Andrew, okay?
13:17The ex three minutes.
13:19What are you, negotiating already?
13:21I'll give you four.
13:22I'll cut it off at three, okay?
13:26Hi, Selena.
13:27Hi, Andrew.
13:28It's nice to see you greeting everybody here at the party as if it was your own fabulous party.
13:35Are you fucking with me?
13:36I might be.
13:37All right.
13:39You look wonderful.
13:40Thank you very much.
13:41You're very tanned.
13:43What is that?
13:44Gran Cayman.
13:45I've been starting to scuba dive.
13:47Magical to be down there.
13:48Uh-huh.
13:49With the coral and the fish.
13:51Filling up all the mermaids.
13:53They should cover up if they don't want it.
13:55If they don't want action, they shouldn't advertise.
13:58Oh, gosh.
14:00Our little cavern.
14:02She's still cute.
14:04Remember that first apartment?
14:06Yeah, I do remember that apartment.
14:09That was a nice apartment, actually.
14:11It was.
14:12Yeah.
14:14What are you doing?
14:15Are you going to propose?
14:18What would your answer be?
14:21My answer would be Jesus fucking Christ.
14:24Mary King is very anxious to speak with you.
14:28Right.
14:29Catherine's birthday?
14:30Well, I'm trying to keep the government from shutting down.
14:32Well, get on it.
14:33I'm getting on it.
14:34Yeah.
14:35Okay.
14:36Did you see that?
14:37I had him in the palm of my hand.
14:39Yeah, well, technically, ma'am, he had the palm of your hand in his hand.
14:43Uh-oh.
14:44Yeah, you need to be really careful, sweetie.
14:46Gary!
14:47Gary!
14:48You just called me sweetie.
14:50Oh, my God.
14:51I'm sorry.
14:52That's what I call Dana.
14:54Did you ever call Dana ma'am?
14:56I did once, and it was awful.
14:58If I were drunk right now, would you kiss me?
15:03Yeah.
15:05No, Gary, I'm kidding.
15:07Right.
15:08Yeah.
15:12Want to get a drink?
15:14Mary.
15:15Okay!
15:16It's time to try the party bomb up in here.
15:19Happy 21st birthday, Catherine!
15:24I want to talk to you about targeted base closings.
15:27Not if it upsets my district.
15:29Something sex my dick trick?
15:31Did you say dick?
15:33Sex your dick trick.
15:34No, I don't understand what you just said.
15:36That was funny.
15:37We got to get out of here.
15:38All right.
15:39Where?
15:40I don't know.
15:41We'll find someplace.
15:42You know, you look great in an art gallery.
15:44Because you kind of are a work of art.
15:47I mean, I know I'd like to nail you up against a wall.
15:51No, that was knowing.
15:52I was being knowing.
15:54It looks like we're going to be able to move on unemployment.
15:59Unemployment benefits?
16:00Yes.
16:01On the table?
16:02Yeah.
16:03Okay.
16:04I'm authorized to come down on OSHA from 25 to 17.
16:06No, I need a single digit.
16:08I can't give you a single digit.
16:10We have to make it up elsewhere, and you know you can't.
16:13We are going to make it up elsewhere.
16:15Hey, now, just a second.
16:17Hey.
16:18Down.
16:19Down.
16:20You need to keep it down, okay?
16:21There are other people in here trying to have a conversation.
16:23But she took my boyfriend's number.
16:25Oh, my God.
16:26He gave it to me.
16:27You haven't given me a number on unemployment benefits.
16:30My number's going to be .4%.
16:33Give me the .4%.
16:34Yeah.
16:35Stop it.
16:36I can't.
16:37I can't do this.
16:38No.
16:39Let's go.
16:40I can't do math with this kind of noise.
16:43I cannot stand teenage girls.
16:45Have you ever won?
16:46Never.
16:47Me neither.
16:48Amy and Ed work for the VP.
16:51K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
16:55Fuck off, Mike.
16:56Sure.
16:58Hey, the Veep looks smoking tonight.
17:01I wonder how much vodka we need to have to have a little Mrs. Robinson moment.
17:06Dad is extremely disrespectful.
17:08What are you talking about?
17:09That's, like, the highest compliment you can give somebody.
17:12Oh, by the way, I love how much you guys being together is fucking with Dan.
17:17Amy and Dan used to date, FYI.
17:20Yeah, thanks for the backgrounding, Jonah.
17:22Does that mean you're back on the market?
17:24I'm sorry.
17:25Are you hitting on my date during my date?
17:28Are you on meds?
17:29Yeah, antibiotics.
17:30Just keeping fresh.
17:33I'm not mentally ill, if that's what you're implying.
17:45Uh, hello?
17:47Hi.
17:48Hi, everyone.
17:50I just wanted to say a couple of words to my awesome daughter.
17:57You know, I wanted to pause and just say that I think at times like these,
18:03it is great to see family and friends and to hear family and friends.
18:10To be able to talk and to listen and to speak and to be heard.
18:17And I think sometimes we need to just take time.
18:22Not long at all.
18:23I mean, maybe 10 minutes or, okay, or maybe 15 is also good.
18:30I'm going to suggest that we have a little constructive talking time.
18:35So, do you have any sort of chillaxing kind of music?
18:39And then you keep that playing until, only until, look at me.
18:44I give you a signal.
18:45Not before.
18:46Sure.
18:47Oh, um, and happy birthday, Catherine!
18:58All right.
18:59If you can give me 1% on unemployment benefits.
19:03Yeah.
19:04I can go 10 on NIH.
19:06Yeah.
19:07Eight off agricultural subsidies.
19:09And the baseline is your budget proposal.
19:11Budget from last year.
19:12Right.
19:13Okay.
19:14Okay.
19:15Those numbers add up?
19:17Twelve.
19:18Now, how'd you get that?
19:19You're forgetting energy.
19:20Of course.
19:21Check this out, then.
19:22Do we have a deal?
19:23Okay.
19:24Yeah.
19:25Okay.
19:26Yeah.
19:27We have a deal.
19:28No!
19:29You really killed me.
19:30But we have a deal.
19:31Put him there!
19:32Put him there!
19:33Congratulations.
19:34I can't believe it.
19:35I can't believe it.
19:36That's so great.
19:37It's good.
19:38Now I have to sell it to my caucus.
19:39All right.
19:40Before I turn into a pumpkin.
19:41You'll do it.
19:42Yeah.
19:43What?
19:48Jesus, 21-year-olds move fast.
19:50Yeah, tell me about it.
19:54You look good, ma'am.
19:56Oh, thanks, Janet.
19:57You look really good.
20:00Yes, ma'am.
20:08Have you guys seen this?
20:10When the cake was cut and the guests sang happy birthday,
20:13the VP was nowhere to be seen.
20:15They're saying I had some sort of huge fight with Andrew
20:18and that our relationship is a sham.
20:20They're monsters.
20:22It's like First Princess Diana, not this.
20:24They think that at the beginning of the night,
20:26you and Andrew were playing it up to the cameras.
20:28And they're using this Meyer the Liar bullshit again.
20:32Hey, Mike, who dug that up?
20:34I don't know.
20:35Probably just some idiot remembered it
20:37and then all of a sudden it got traction.
20:39And this is from HuffPo.
20:40Randall Howard's forthcoming book
20:42claims your relationship with Andrew
20:44during the presidential campaign
20:45was a lie invented by you to mislead voters.
20:49That's a lie, right?
20:50Yeah.
20:51I mean, it's true, and it's what happened,
20:54but it's Ken's lie.
20:55It's not my lie.
20:56Right.
20:57Meyer the Liar has huge mo right now.
21:00And, you know, as people say,
21:02if it rhymes, it chimes.
21:04Who says that? No one says that.
21:06I'm pretty sure I heard someone say that.
21:08It's becoming a narrative right now,
21:10and the narrative is that you faked it before,
21:14so you must be faking it now.
21:16Oh, great. Here's Eeyore.
21:18Deal, boom, party, boom.
21:20You are the boom-boom-bee.
21:22Well, Catherine didn't appreciate
21:24the fiscal party crashers last night.
21:26Andy and I have to take her out to dinner tonight
21:28to make up for the party last night, so...
21:30Okay, you'll be in public.
21:32So whatever you do, don't look like you're faking it,
21:34because this Meyer the Liar thing
21:36is just an avalanche of shit right now.
21:38Yeah, tell me about it.
21:39And I'm swimming in it,
21:41and I'm breathing it in through my snorkel.
21:43You need to issue a statement, okay?
21:45You know, my private life is private.
21:47Yes.
21:48Besides, Andrew and I, we get along just fine.
21:50Ironically, Ben,
21:52we actually are getting along just fine.
21:55That's great.
21:56That's a great fake.
21:58No, it's not a fake.
21:59That's a real thing.
22:00Oh.
22:01Well, you know, great.
22:03Say that.
22:05I'm so sorry that party last night
22:08turned into an economic summit,
22:10but you know what?
22:11Here we are now for you.
22:13Happy birthday.
22:14And to you,
22:15man who swims with sharks.
22:18Also started free diving.
22:19Really? What is that?
22:20Is that when you try and hold your breath
22:22for as long as possible?
22:24Kind of like sitting next to my mother
22:25after Thanksgiving dinner.
22:29Mom, you're doing your fake laugh again.
22:31What?
22:32Come on.
22:33This is nice.
22:34You can never tell if it's fake.
22:36You can never tell if it was fake.
22:38Yes, I could.
22:39Mm-hmm.
22:40What are you, some sort of expert?
22:43In certain areas.
22:45What is going on right now?
22:47This is flirting.
22:48This is, uh, your mother is an excellent flirt.
22:50You should take flirting notes.
22:52This is not flirting.
22:54This is like a settler
22:55putting a nude photo on Facebook.
22:57Do you think Selena would notice
22:59the invisible man from the Boston Pack office
23:02if I showed up at the office in a Pac-Man costume?
23:06I know. I'm sorry.
23:08I'm sorry. Why are you sorry?
23:10I don't know.
23:11I-I heard whining,
23:12and I assumed I needed to apologize.
23:16How long have you not been listening to me?
23:18I just really need to watch this
23:20because Andrew is like a dormant volcano,
23:23and he can just glow at any second.
23:26I think I'm gonna have the scallops.
23:28I think I'm gonna have the...
23:30No, I know what you're gonna have.
23:31You are going to have...
23:33Don't do that.
23:34Hmm?
23:35Put your hand down.
23:36I can't stand that alpha male arrogant thing.
23:40I really can't stand it, Andrew.
23:42Okay, it's not arrogant.
23:44Uh, and fuck you for thinking so.
23:46Ha!
23:47Forgive me.
23:48I was just anticipating your order.
23:50Which was?
23:51Lamb cutlets.
23:53No.
23:54Yeah.
23:55I'm sorry I know you, Selena.
23:56Forgive me.
23:57You're not a big mystery to me,
23:58and I'm very much enjoying the plastered-on smile,
24:01pretending everything's okay because people are watching.
24:04Don't be a bastard, Andrew.
24:06You gotta do the same face.
24:09You put it on, too.
24:11There we go.
24:12Okay, well, now this flirting is a little bit more subtle.
24:15So, Ed.
24:17Eddie.
24:18Who do you know?
24:19You know Ray McCaskill?
24:20Yeah, he's a great guy.
24:22We both are really into 80s buddy comedies,
24:25which is ironically how we became buddies.
24:27Fuck buddies.
24:28Jonah, why are you here?
24:30You really don't have anything to do, do you?
24:33No, look, ignore him.
24:35Ignore who?
24:38Hey, I think that lady right there just took a photo of Selena.
24:42This one?
24:43Well, I understand that you guys have a love-hate relationship,
24:46but most people alternate emotions.
24:49They don't experience them at the same time.
24:51We've always had a volatile relationship.
24:53By that, you mean bat shit crazy.
24:55Passion was always an integral part.
24:57Yeah.
24:58Yes, there was fights.
24:59Yeah.
25:00Long, hard fights.
25:01Right.
25:02Followed by long, hard making up, right?
25:07Okay, I feel like you're actually going to have sex on this table,
25:10and that would truly ruin my birthday.
25:13Catherine, please.
25:15Nobody's having sex on the table.
25:18I mean, we are sexual beings.
25:21Of course we had sex.
25:23We had sex.
25:24You know, I mean, great sex.
25:27Great sex.
25:29Okay, well, I'm going to have to text my therapist.
25:33What's the whole not drinking thing?
25:35I'm a Quaker.
25:36What?
25:37Bullshit.
25:38No one's a fucking Quaker.
25:40You probably think that staying sober keeps you on top of your game,
25:43when guess what?
25:44I work hard and I play hard, bitch.
25:46That's my credo.
25:47I got that shit tattooed on my dick with room to spare.
25:51Jonah, you're not even a man.
25:53You're like an early draft of a man,
25:56where they just sketched out a giant mangled skeleton,
25:59but they didn't have time to add details like pigment or self-respect.
26:03You're Frankenstein's monster,
26:05if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks.
26:11I'm going to go to the bathroom.
26:12Just try not to embarrass yourselves while I'm gone.
26:15And give it a shot.
26:18Nice to see you.
26:20Um, I'm sorry, can I interrupt a second?
26:23Uh, no.
26:24It just looks like there's a lot of people who are tweeting and taking pictures,
26:28so you might want to be gesture aware.
26:30Uh, it's fine, thank you, you can go.
26:37Okay?
26:38Yep, okay.
26:42I want to tell you something.
26:44What?
26:45Um, the head of PR told me that our company
26:50funded super PACs on both sides during the last election.
26:54Ah, I just was fluffed and then I got fucked.
27:01I cannot believe what you are telling me.
27:05Do you know how...
27:07Smile.
27:08Smile, you stupid asshole.
27:10Make it bigger.
27:11There you go.
27:13Do you have any idea how the press is all over me right now
27:17and how they are going to run with the story about me funding my opponent?
27:24You're a stupid fucking prick.
27:27Right? You say it.
27:29I'm not going to say that.
27:30Okay, what happened now?
27:33You guys look like you're going to stab each other with stagnant rice.
27:37We're having a fight and we are smiling and putting a face on,
27:41and you can do that too. There you go.
27:43Selena, this is just business. We want to end up with the winner at the end.
27:48There's nothing personal about it, I promise. I didn't even know about it.
27:52Oh, that's utter bullshit.
27:55But you know what? I'm keeping it together. I really am. It's all good.
28:00We can keep smiling.
28:01Keep smiling.
28:02Yeah.
28:03I think that if you guys continue to smile, you're actually going to get permanent lockjaw.
28:08She's so funny.
28:10Sarcastic.
28:12I'm sorry to interrupt. I just had a call from Kent.
28:15Oh, to congratulate me because I made the deal last night.
28:19America thanks you.
28:20You're welcome.
28:21POTUS is going to stall on that deal.
28:23I don't know. Why would he want to do that? That can't be right.
28:26It sounds to me like he wants a government shutdown so he can blame it on Congress
28:29and take the heat out of the spy story.
28:32Did you hear that?
28:33Yeah.
28:34Fuck POTUS, right? And fuck Kent. They're just a bunch of fuckers.
28:38Uh-oh.
28:39No.
28:40Do they just get that? Me being angry?
28:42Oh, yeah.
28:43But I wasn't being angry with you. I mean, I was angry with you before.
28:47But I'm not angry with you now.
28:50I understand that, honey.
28:51Don't call me honey, for starters.
28:53You have to calm down.
28:54Can we confiscate that phone, please?
28:57I think it's too late.
28:58Excuse me. There's a picture on Twitter and it looks like you guys are fighting.
29:03What? From that?
29:05Yes.
29:06Look at this. Look. This is not what it is.
29:09I'm pointing to you because I'm mad about POTUS.
29:12I wasn't saying that I was angry to you about you.
29:14Kaylee, you're just making it worse.
29:16I'm not making it worse. They're making it worse.
29:18Dad, don't do that thing.
29:19Would you just cut it out?
29:20Everybody, see?
29:23Ah.
29:24No, no, no. We have to go.
29:26Okay, okay.
29:27Blow out your candles, honey.
29:29What's the point?
29:30Okay, I'll do it.
29:31Make a wish.
29:32There, it's out.
29:33You can make your wish in the car.
29:35All right, all right.
29:36Get all my stuff.
29:37Oh, no, that's fine. I'll get your stuff.
29:39Okay, happy birthday.
29:55This is good here.
29:57I'll get out.
30:01What? You're getting out here?
30:03Yep.
30:04I gotta go.
30:05Wait a minute. Wait, Andrew, wait.
30:08Wait, we need to talk.
30:10Bye, honey.
30:12Happy birthday.
30:13Wait, what?
30:14God damn it.
30:15What are you doing running away?
30:20Oh, my God.
30:21Come here.
30:22What are you doing?
30:23I'm in right now.
30:24What are you doing?
30:26Oh, my God.
30:35Hey, Catherine.
30:39Pretty nice cake you got there.
30:45You gonna eat all of it?
30:48Do you want a piece?
30:50I do.
30:51You want a piece of the cake?
30:54This is quite the place here.
30:57I know.
30:58I know.
30:59I know.
31:00I know.
31:01I know.
31:02This is quite the place here.
31:05The carrot cake's good.
31:11You wanna try it?
31:12Nope.
31:13It's all yours.
31:16I can use my phone to cut it.