Malcolm In The Middle Season 2 Episode 17 Surgery
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00:00Now there's hot water coming out of both taps.
00:03What?
00:05Is that really so bad?
00:07You always complain there's not enough hot water.
00:09Yeah, it wouldn't kill you to hire a professional every once in a while.
00:12It costs $70 just to get him in the house.
00:15Look, I know my work isn't perfect, but I am saving us a ton of money,
00:18and at least the job gets done.
00:23Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone at the door.
00:26Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question?
00:38You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now,
00:44you're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
00:50You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now,
00:55you're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
01:02Life is unfair.
01:04The tension is palpable here at the 8,215th Daily Shaving Olympics.
01:16Hal has lost crucial seconds in his lathering,
01:18but he hopes to make it up with his blade work.
01:22This is for the gold.
01:23Hal, boys, breakfast!
01:26Bacon day!
01:27Duri, don't be scared, but there's a big spider next to you.
01:49Yeah, Dad.
01:50There's always a spider on bacon day.
01:51You know, I'm not feeling that good.
01:56I could give Dad some of mine,
01:57but that's not really in the true spirit of bacon day.
02:00Mom, my stomach hurts.
02:02So is mine.
02:04I'm not kidding, it's really sore.
02:06Ow, it hurts!
02:07Shut up, Reese.
02:09Mom...
02:10I see spots!
02:11Mommy!
02:12All right, that's enough.
02:14I don't care what test you didn't study for
02:17or what assignment you didn't do.
02:18You're going to school.
02:20You know, now that you mention it...
02:21Everybody's going!
02:26Sir, what are you doing?
02:28Why are you taking away our TV?
02:29It's for your own good, cadet.
02:32But that is the only thing that makes this place bearable.
02:35Television rots the mind, cadet.
02:38How can you focus on your studies and improve your character
02:42if your brain is full of your Morks and your Mindy's?
02:48Now you'll have time for more worthwhile endeavors.
02:51Write a letter.
02:52I'm sure your parole officers will appreciate the personal touch.
02:57Okay, that is ridiculous.
02:59I mean, we should do something.
03:01He's right.
03:02Spangler doesn't get to make arbitrary decisions about our lives.
03:06He can't tell us where to go and what to do.
03:11Oh, wait.
03:11He can.
03:13Face it, Francis.
03:14We're like prisoners, but without the rights.
03:16Okay, so we're helpless.
03:19But even helpless people have options.
03:22History is full of supposedly powerless people
03:25who found a way to stand up to their oppressors.
03:29What are you talking about?
03:30Civil disobedience.
03:32You know, like a hunger strike.
03:35We could do that.
03:36I mean, he doesn't want a bunch of starving kids on his hands.
03:39That would totally work.
03:41I don't know.
03:42Isn't that a bit drastic?
03:44Can't we wait till after lunch?
03:45What are we having?
03:46Shepherd's pie.
03:47The strike starts now!
03:49The strike starts now!
03:53Malcolm, why are you walking like that?
03:55My side still hurts.
03:57But it's the weekend.
03:58Okay, everybody, get in the car!
04:07We're going to the hospital!
04:13Mom, why does that man have a light bulb?
04:16Dewey!
04:17Get away from there!
04:20Dad, are you okay?
04:22I'm fine, son.
04:22Just not a big fan of hospitals.
04:26Only they could dress it up with plants and pictures.
04:28But let's face it, this place is a slaughterhouse.
04:32How?
04:33Okay, we've run some tests.
04:36His white count is 12.2, and with these acute abdominal pains, I'm pretty sure we're looking
04:41at appendicitis.
04:43We'll hold him for observation tonight, and then tomorrow he'll probably need surgery.
04:48I'm having surgery?
04:49There's nothing to worry about, son.
04:52You'll barely even have a scar.
04:55If you can just sign these release forms, we'll check them in.
04:59They're going to cut you open?
05:01Like a trout.
05:03Don't worry, you won't feel a thing.
05:04You'll be unconscious.
05:06Not necessarily.
05:07I saw this thing on TV with this guy, woke up in the middle of his operation, and could
05:12feel everything they were doing.
05:14But he was paralyzed and couldn't even scream.
05:18Freeze, for the love of God, stop talking!
05:21Mom, honey, don't worry about it.
05:24You're going to have your own TV, and you're going to have people to wait on you.
05:27It's going to be a lot better than being at home.
05:33Why do I have to stay in the kids' ward?
05:36I'm sorry, honey, but you're six months too young to have an adult room.
05:39I hear if you're really good, they'll put apple juice in your sippy cup.
05:46Dad, do you want to wait out in the car?
05:48No, I'm okay.
05:52I'm fine.
05:53I'm on a beach.
05:56There's the surf.
05:57There's sand.
05:58There's needles.
06:02There's the horrible choking stench of hospital antiseptic hell coming.
06:07I think I better take your father home.
06:10You'll be okay.
06:17Hey, feel better, sport.
06:20Reese, give your brother a hug.
06:22Aw, Mom!
06:23Do it!
06:24If you tell anyone I hugged you, I'll put you right back in here.
06:33Bye!
06:36Why did you make him hug me?
06:41Wait.
06:42Why did you make him hug me?
06:44Wow, sure it's fried without Malcolm here.
06:49Mmm, it's a little guy.
06:51Here's an extra pork chop.
06:52Bye!
06:56Go ahead, I'm stuffed.
06:57Me too.
06:58So am I.
06:59I was just hoping someone would fight me for it.
07:05Hey, can we play March and Conquer?
07:07That game's no fun.
07:09Malcolm always creams us in like five minutes.
07:13Yeah, can we?
07:16I don't know.
07:17Please?
07:19We need at least three people if we can't play.
07:21Oh, all right.
07:25Hi-ya!
07:27Okay, Lois, let's see how well you defend the Black Sea without Bosporus and the Darden.
07:32Yeah, yeah, just wait.
07:35Wow, it's been an hour and I'm still in the game.
07:38I usually tip the board over way before now.
07:42Guess what?
07:43Well, I just like to defend mine in the box.
07:46Oh, yeah.
07:48Can I be the little girl?
07:49Not on my watch, son.
07:51You want to play Go Fish?
08:01No.
08:02I didn't want to play five minutes ago.
08:06I didn't want to play an hour ago.
08:10I don't want to play.
08:15You got any fives?
08:18And this is our inflamed appendix.
08:22The patient arrived today complaining of abdominal pain in the right lower quadrant.
08:27Ow!
08:28We're going to have to start him in an IV.
08:31Catherine?
08:32Oh, God.
08:33Not me again.
08:35Please!
08:36It'll be fine this time, Catherine.
08:39Accidents happen.
08:40Could maybe someone else...
08:41Talmud will hold him still.
08:43If you feel pain, you can bite down on his hand just as hard as you want.
09:00Talmud won't lie.
09:01How long has it been since we ate?
09:11Thirty-three hours, twelve minutes.
09:14Thirty-three hours, twelve minutes.
09:15Oh, man.
09:16They're serving dinner right now.
09:18Ben Hunt.
09:19I found myself eating the last several meals alone.
09:29Are we dieting?
09:32Don't tell me it's prom season already.
09:34We're on a hunger strike, sir.
09:37We're not eating until you return the television.
09:40Ah!
09:42Passive resistance.
09:45The last resort of slackers and sissies.
09:49What about Gandhi?
09:50Sissy!
09:51We're making a stand here, sir.
09:55We will not back down until we get justice.
09:58Now, let me see if I've got this straight.
10:00I get to continue to eat, but you don't.
10:06Ooh, I feel the pressure already.
10:11Ah-ha-ha!
10:12Make it stop!
10:21Oh, this wasn't fun.
10:24Sometimes in human life...
10:26I almost wrath the FBI pastor.
10:28Oh...
10:28Oh...
10:30...
10:30...
10:30...
10:30...
10:31I getacun...
10:32...
10:32The FBI is looking for analysed, or other describes says.
10:33Oh, how come you say they see the неб代?
10:35Oh!
10:35Oh shit, girl.
10:36Oh, I can't get a hand.
10:39Oh-holy not...
10:40...
10:40...
10:41...
10:44I don't understand hisWHIS will praise him.
10:46...
10:47He's looking for this...
10:47Go, Mom!
10:52Nice!
10:53Go, Mom!
10:54Okay.
10:55You can do this the easy way and surrender with dignity.
10:58Or I can destroy you.
11:00You forget.
11:01I still have Antarctica.
11:03Gateway to New Zealand.
11:05You got nothing.
11:06Any roll other than three, and the world is mine.
11:10Yeah, Mom!
11:11No strings!
11:12No strings!
11:13Three.
11:14Yeah!
11:15Oh, sorry, honey.
11:17You tried really hard.
11:18And for a while there, I thought you might actually be done.
11:20Rematch.
11:21Oh, right!
11:22Can we?
11:23Hell, it's after midnight.
11:25Rematch.
11:28Set up the board.
11:30I'll do it.
11:34There he is.
11:36What?
11:37You just keep quiet.
11:39You're in good hands.
11:42This is to keep your head still so Mr. Laser can do his job.
11:49Psst!
11:50Psst!
11:53Psst!
11:59Psst!
12:05Shhh.
12:19Oh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
12:21They made me use a bedpan even though I could walk.
12:24They turned off the lights at 6.30, so I couldn't even read.
12:27And last night, some men put a metal cage on my head.
12:30They were gonna operate on my brain!
12:33Bedpan.
12:35Sweetie, I'm sure it was just a bad dream.
12:38Besides, I'm feeling a lot better now.
12:40I don't even think I need surgery.
12:42It's okay. Surgery makes everybody a little scared.
12:45Trust me, this is gonna be over before you know it.
12:48Between the stench of disease and all those waffles, I don't feel very well.
12:54What waffles?
12:55Oh man, you missed it. We went to Pancake Pete's.
12:58We never go out to breakfast.
13:00Well, we stayed up late playing March and Conquer and your mother was too tired to cook.
13:05You guys played March and Conquer without me?
13:07Oh, Malcolm, you didn't miss anything last night. These guys are a bunch of pushovers.
13:12Pushovers? I held Kamchatka for three hours!
13:16Look, we're gonna take the boys home and then your dad and I will be back in time for your operation. Okay?
13:21Dewey, you're wearing my shirt.
13:25Am I?
13:27I'm so hungry. I think we proved our point.
13:31Guys, this hunger strike will only work if we stick together. Now we can do this. Our stomachs have shrunk. The hardest part is over.
13:46Good morning, cadets. I must say it is inspiring to see young men with the courage to stand up for the things they believe in. Two whole days. What an impressive show.
14:02of civil disobedience. That's the kind of intestinal fortitude that can only be properly honored by an omelet bar.
14:23Tempting us with food isn't gonna work, sir. Of course not. These delicious eggs and choice of scrumptious fillings are for me.
14:38Now here's my dilemma. What shall I put in my omelet? Black forest ham? Imported cheese? Porcini mushrooms? Porcini?
14:51Oh, what the heck. Give me the looks.
14:58There's our fallen comrade.
15:01I love room 124.
15:04When's the appendix coming out?
15:10Tonight, but I don't know. I'm feeling better. Maybe I don't need the operation.
15:16What are you talking about? Of course you need the operation.
15:19Don't you understand? You're sitting on a gold mine.
15:23Ride the guilt train, baby. As far as it'll take you. My hapnoids got me this watch.
15:30My strangulated testicle got me a week at Disneyland.
15:33I'm one procedure from a Range Rover.
15:43Well, we got two hours till we have to go back to the hospital. You want to order in or eat leftovers?
15:51Well, I'd say you'd decide, but then I'd be a pushover, wouldn't I?
15:55What are you talking about?
15:56March and conquer. You called me a pushover. Don't deny it.
16:00Come on, honey. I trounced you.
16:03Just because you got all the good dice rolls and you were settled with Brazil to protect.
16:07And I wouldn't call it trounced.
16:10What would you say?
16:12Demolished?
16:14Creamed?
16:18Annihilated?
16:19Get the board.
16:27How are you, Tiger?
16:29I want you to know the bedside manner.
16:32Dr. Harrison, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you.
16:36I'm feeling a lot better now and my temperature's been down for six hours
16:40and I'm thinking that maybe my first blood test wasn't accurate.
16:43Now this is what we call a hysterical patient.
16:47I'm not hysterical. I just think it'd be smart to run another blood test before you commit to cutting me open.
16:54Boy, that's a terrific idea. Really terrific.
16:58We'll see you later.
17:02What's wrong with you people?
17:05Labs make mistakes!
17:07Listen to me!
17:09I declare war on that blue country.
17:13Reese, why are you attacking me? Your dad's wide open!
17:17What are you saying, Lois? That the boys and I have formed a secret alliance against you?
17:22Hal, that's my foot you're tapping Morse code onto.
17:33I can't take this anymore.
17:35If I don't eat soon, I'm gonna pass out.
17:39This isn't worth it.
17:41I agree with Finland.
17:44Who are you?
17:46Your roommate.
17:48Oh, yeah.
17:50Hey, after the luau, you wanna go parasailing?
17:53What?
17:55Snap out of it.
17:57You're talking crazy.
17:59Why would we have a luau when we're trapped in a disabled submarine?
18:03Wait.
18:05You're tapping.
18:07Come on, guys. We're doing good.
18:10I think we're on the right track here.
18:12We keep this up and Commandant...
18:17Uh...
18:18Spangler?
18:19Yes.
18:20Spangler.
18:22Commandant Spangler will have no choice but to meet our demands.
18:26Ah, Francis!
18:27It's time we talked.
18:28You gentlemen, excuse us, please.
18:33It's time we talked.
18:35You gentlemen, excuse us, please.
18:37Take your time.
18:41Yes!
18:43Madagascar is mine.
18:45Let me see those dice.
18:47Are you?
18:49Yes!
18:51Madagascar is mine.
18:52Let me see those dice.
18:54Are you?
18:56Yes!
18:58Madagascar is mine.
18:59Yes!
19:00Madagascar is mine.
19:01Let me see those dice.
19:03Are you accusing me of cheating?
19:04Very ridiculous.
19:06That's the pizza delivery, ma'am.
19:08How'd you get it?
19:09Oh!
19:10So my artillery can mysteriously disappear like it did when I went to get a glass of water.
19:16Or when I went to the bathroom and your tanks just materialized on my border.
19:21I'm not getting it.
19:22Come in!
19:23It's locked!
19:24Try the window!
19:25What?
19:26No.
19:27No.
19:28What?
19:29No.
19:30No!
19:31No, no.
19:32No.
19:33No.
19:34No!
19:35No!
19:36No!
19:38No!
19:39No, no!
19:40No!
19:41No!
19:42No!
19:43No!
19:44No!
19:45No!
19:46No!
19:48No!
19:49No!
19:50No!
19:51No!
19:52haven't you ever delivered pizza before come in through the window okay thanks
20:09anyway yeah take this what's this for sedatives your surgery has been moved up what do you mean
20:28moved up my parents aren't even here I'm sure they've been notified look I'm not taking these
20:35until after I get another blood test take the pills no I'm not going to you can't I know you're
20:47frightened and that is normal for a little boy but now you must let the grown-ups handle things
20:54all you have to do is relax and let the pills take effect that's a good boy
21:05it's your move Reese what are you gonna do
21:33I don't know I'm hungry Reese if you attack me you're grounded if you don't attack her you're
21:40grounded stop it I don't want to play anymore I hate this game it's never been this horrible
21:47even when Malcolm was kicking our butts
21:49he's right look what we've become without Malcolm humiliating us our worst competitive instincts
22:00took over I'm ashamed for all of us so you're quitting let it go Lois ah you're right Reese do the honors
22:15good now who wants to go outside and watch me burn the evil game
22:22yeah I have to admit cadet I thought you boys would have surrendered by now but instead you have
22:31shown strength of will teamwork and a willingness to sacrifice well done with what the strike right right
22:42the strike well that's good cuz we weren't gonna do the thing until we got back well you know
22:55yes I believe I do shall we discuss truth we did it strikes over we won
23:10he got his magic hat what about the television huh
23:21here's your blood test man thanks here's my urine good luck on the drug test but I really think you
23:35should get some help I knew it oh good helmet I've been looking all over for you I have great news you
23:48see I just had another blood test and it shows that I really don't need surgery because if the blood count
23:53goes down to normal that means it isn't appendicitis it was probably just a transient infection or maybe
23:59even a cold sore yes little boy I need to talk to dr. Harrison count backwards from a hundred
24:12hi there sport we'll have that appendix out in no time okay
24:22scouble huh hold on a second
24:27do not operate H and H 16 and 47 platelets 310
24:37these are blood test results white count 8.4 is that right I will sue your ass for malpractice
24:46maybe we should run another blood test Spangler was right who needs television this is nice get some fresh air
24:57some exercise nice drive thanks I think this hat is magic
25:07right Francis uh-huh oh remember to replace your divots
25:15there's nothing like two days at the hospital to make you appreciate your own home give me that oh my god
25:24look at Malcolm's hospital bill I'd hate to think what it'd cost if you'd actually have the operation
25:30well there goes our summer vacation oh man so we have to pay even though it was faking I wasn't faking I'm the one who figured out they were wrong remember well if you're such a genius why didn't you figure it out sooner
25:40well son you want to answer that for us all
25:47nothing like 10 seconds at home to make you appreciate the hospital
25:53you
26:10you
26:31you
26:33you