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Short filmTranscript
00:00Can you just leave that for tonight?
00:10There we go. Look.
00:12Three, two, one.
00:16Look at that! Look at that!
00:22All the models on the market, we have to end up with a waste disposal unit that can't keep his food down.
00:29Would you mind changing the subject, please?
00:32Yes, well, I told you we should have gone for that Indian tonight, didn't I? Didn't I say?
00:36It wasn't the Indian. Are you coming up now or what?
00:40This is enough to turn anyone's stomach.
00:42You know, I think...
00:50Bloody restaurant.
00:52Oh.
00:54I've had it up the last time we went there.
00:56When that key broke inside the lock to the gents.
00:59Spent the entire night sat in the toilet while they passed pump-a-doms under the door.
01:06But tonight is a real corker, I have to give them that.
01:09Watching a naked woman dangling her breast in the basmati rice.
01:13I mean, that's one of their best.
01:16I think that's a slight exaggeration, don't you?
01:19You know what you need, isn't it?
01:21A stripper gown singing happy birthday to a group of lager louts at the next table.
01:25I mean, what did she look like with that stupid blonde wig on?
01:28I think she was meant to be Marilyn Monroe.
01:30Oh, is that what it was? I wondered why Harpo Marx was wearing a bra.
01:35Look, why don't you lie down? I'll give you another massage.
01:38Get her stomach on her like Fred Emily.
01:41You know, she'll never say anything in that place either.
01:44Just let the customers get away with murder.
01:47Oh, I don't feel very good at all.
01:54Victor!
02:00Too scared to see anything, that's the trouble.
02:04Like when that yobber with the earrings stuck my cap in his mouth.
02:09Shouting, here, Dave, this chapati's a bit tough.
02:13Keith Marx and the lining now forevermore.
02:18You know, if you're not feeling any better by Saturday, perhaps you'd better give Roger's party a miss.
02:23Margaret.
02:26Margaret, did you...
02:29Margaret.
02:32Not a lot better yet, I'm afraid, Roger.
02:36Well, I know, she was really looking forward to coming as well.
02:40Well, doctor says it's nervous exhaustion mainly.
02:43It's been building up over the last 35 years.
02:48I don't know what he meant by that.
02:51Yeah, of course, and the death of her mother and everything.
02:55Sorry?
02:57No, we don't keep very much in the end, just her answering machine and some jewellery.
03:01Oh, and her video.
03:03Yeah, so we don't have to keep hiding this other thing anymore.
03:05Ma'am is supposed to come and collect it at nine, it still hasn't arrived.
03:08Yes, I will, Roger, and happy birthday.
03:11I'll see you about eight. Bye.
03:25Bloody video man still hasn't arrived.
03:28I spoke to Roger.
03:30Apparently it's going to be rather a swish-do over there tonight.
03:32Just as well I got that suit cleaned.
03:34Now, what else?
03:36Oh, yes, I'm just going to unplug the phone so you're not interrupted.
03:40That's the most important thing, that you get plenty of peace and quiet with no unwanted interruptions.
03:51Nothing is going to get you worked up or agitated again.
03:58Now, are you sure there's not too much noise coming through this window for you?
04:01No, no, no, it's fine.
04:02Why?
04:03Because there's nothing worse than that.
04:05Trying to get off to sleep with some mindless racket going on outside.
04:09People yapping away and God knows what.
04:11They can drive you absolutely potty.
04:13I know for myself.
04:14Will you shut the front door quietly?
04:23Yes, of course.
04:24Oh, that'll be Mrs. Warboys with her dry cleaning.
04:33How did it go? Did you manage to get them both?
04:36Fine, thanks, yes.
04:38Took a bit of a while to find Margaret.
04:41I suppose she won't be needing it now.
04:44I don't think they're all that well organised in that place at the last meet.
04:48I know one or two people say over the years.
04:55Who's this?
04:57Oh, yes.
04:58She said they got almost all the beetroot out if you didn't look too closely.
05:02Myself, I can hardly see a thing.
05:04This?
05:07This isn't my suit.
05:10Isn't it?
05:14Where in the name of sanity did it come from?
05:17Oh, don't tell me they mixed up the tickets again.
05:21Mixed up the...
05:22You must have seen it as a mistake when you got it out.
05:27Well, I don't know what your suit looks like, do I?
05:30Well, it doesn't bloody well look like this.
05:33I mean, where do you think I shop? King Kong at C&A's?
05:37Actually, I thought it was for a fancy dress or something.
05:40Fancy dress? I mean, it's not even my size.
05:44And there's no permanent crease in the trousers. Look at that.
05:48Something else I've got to do now is keep that back as if I didn't have enough to...
05:52Ah.
05:56Ah.
06:26Ah.
06:39Morning, Mr Baldrew. Are you well?
06:47Oh, I expect you think I've gone completely off my head.
06:51No, only it's the third round of the Jay's Fluid Cup on Friday
06:54and we've drawn the Gribbley Street Exhaust Centre,
06:57so I'll be pretty stiff opposition, I expect,
07:00and I've got to keep my hand in or my arm gets rusty.
07:03Does it? Yes.
07:05Well, I can't stop. I've got to take a gorilla costume back to the cleaners.
07:09A gorilla costume? My goodness.
07:11Yes, can you believe it? I put my best suit in ready for a party tonight, and I get that.
07:15And they call this a bloody dry-cleaning service.
07:18They close early on a Saturday too.
07:20I'll probably end up without a suit to wear at all.
07:23Oh, well, if you get stuck, Mr Baldrew, I've always got one you can borrow.
07:26It'll be just about your size too. Oh, really?
07:28Well, no, I don't think that'll be...
07:30Well, I'll pop it round later. You can always see what you think.
07:32Oh, right then. Just as a back-up. Thanks very much.
07:35You're very welcome.
07:37Mother, will you please sit back in that chair? I'll have your hair now off again.
07:47Just as I was deciding which colour would go best with his artificial eye,
07:51you know, I thought, that girl there looks familiar.
07:55And guess who it was?
07:57Little Andrea Temple, who used to live at the back of Ewen Wingate Crescent.
08:01No. Quite grown up now.
08:03And got the loveliest little baby boy.
08:05Said if she could, she'd bring him round tomorrow afternoon to show you.
08:10Well, I mean, you were like a second mother to her in those days, weren't you?
08:14The way her parents always left to defend for herself for a little night.
08:18God, that monster of a father. Do you remember?
08:22Well, he was never off the turfs. I know.
08:25And she was sleeping with a mortuary attendant.
08:29They got through a dozen coffins in one week, by all accounts.
08:33No wonder she was round-shouldered.
08:37Bloody last. About time too, after five hours of waiting.
08:41Let the man come to take your video back.
08:43Yes. I'm off into town now. I'll see you later. Bye.
08:46Right, bye.
08:48So, how is she?
08:52Does she still have those lovely little dimples in her cheeks?
09:02I beg your pardon, sir.
09:04You wouldn't have 50p to spare for a cup of tea at all?
09:07Here.
09:16Here.
09:17And next time you can try turning up a bit earlier.
09:21Oh, I will, sir.
09:23You're a credit to society.
09:25What can I say?
09:27Many thanks indeed to you, sir.
09:38One minute. One bloody minute.
09:41The whole lot of us should be shot at turfs.
09:45I'm back.
09:47So I'd gathered.
09:49I'd just missed the dry cleaners by one minute.
09:53The bloody girl just stood behind the clothesline,
09:56and I thought I'd seen her before.
09:58I thought I'd seen her before.
10:00I thought I'd seen her before.
10:02I thought I'd seen her before.
10:04The bloody girl just stood behind the clothesline,
10:07pointing at me and laughing.
10:11Bloody thing.
10:12Fine goes my outfit for tonight now.
10:19Mr. Sweeney called round while you were out.
10:23Oh, did he mention anything about that suit he was talking about?
10:27He said he's left it on the settee for you in the front room.
10:32Oh, right.
10:40I don't believe it.
10:44I do not believe it.
10:48How in the name of...
10:50He said it's quite new.
10:52He's hardly ever worn it.
10:56Oh, and he said you ought to ask that shop for a refund
11:00for not cleaning the other one properly.
11:03Not cleaning it?
11:05Oh...
11:07Why don't people ever listen?
11:31I'm nearly ready down there.
11:33It's a quarter past seven.
11:37They'll just have to do as they are.
11:56Right, I think that's everything.
12:00Right, I'm off now. Bye!
12:02Yes. Have a good time.
12:31Oh, you're still awake.
12:34Sorry I'm a bit later than I said.
12:36Very strange smell downstairs when I came in.
12:39Wonder what that could be.
12:41I wonder.
12:43I could always get a job as a stripper, Graham.
12:46Put that on, I wouldn't have to take anything off, would I?
12:52Don't you even know me.
12:54Absent.
12:56Do you even want me to come back to school?
12:59Sorry.
13:00Sorry.
13:01Sorry.
13:02Sorry, sorry, sorry...
13:06I didn't always get a job as a stripper, Graham.
13:08Put that on, I wouldn't have to take anything off, would I?
13:11It looks like the shape of an iron.
13:17Why don't you take it easy for a couple of weeks?
13:19Let me look after you for a change.
13:22Take it easy.
13:24I get more peace of mind being nursed by the evil dead.
13:29How's it looking?
13:44I've it sorted for you in a few ticks, Mr. Meldrum.
13:46I think I've located the problem now.
13:48Yes, well, mind your nose in that shredder.
13:50Or I'll be up all night scrubbing it off the ceiling.
13:55He's a sweet little thing, isn't he?
13:57A sweet little thing.
13:59He's definitely got your eyes, Andrea.
14:01Has he?
14:03No, we're all right.
14:05And a pair of pearl earrings.
14:07Come on, Donovan.
14:09Give those back to Aunty Margaret.
14:11They were my mother's.
14:13I was just having a sort through.
14:15But the only thing of any value she left.
14:17And I don't suppose I'll ever wear them.
14:19Oh.
14:21Oh.
14:24I think it's about time you were going back
14:26into your box too, isn't it?
14:28Before that nasty old bogeyman comes
14:30and finds you rolling about on his bed.
14:32And he's just like you.
14:34Bold and grizzles a lot.
14:37Oh.
14:51You say that your parents
14:53are separated now then, Andrea.
14:55Are they quite close still, or...?
14:57Fairly close.
14:59Holloway and Pentonville.
15:01Not with this one to worry about.
15:03And the bookshop to run.
15:05You bought me my first book, Margaret.
15:07Monica Dickens.
15:09I've never forgotten that.
15:11Taught me the alphabet as well, you remember?
15:13Long before I started school.
15:15Sometimes I wonder where I'd be today.
15:17Oh, come on.
15:19We don't want you wetting the bed
15:21at the wrong end.
15:23Some of us aren't very well in this room.
15:25I'll just pop you downstairs
15:27for a sec.
15:29Right there.
15:31Right.
15:34Right.
15:44Here we are, look.
15:46We're going to leave you with Uncle Victor now.
15:48So that'll be nice, won't it?
15:50Back in a sec.
15:52Say goodbye.
15:54Right.
16:04Get in.
16:12Let's go.
16:14Go on.
16:16Get in.
16:30Go on.
16:32I think we might be in business now, Mr Muldry. You got anything we can try down it at all?
16:50Er, hang on.
16:51Bye, Margaret.
16:52Bye.
16:53See you tomorrow.
16:54Say when.
16:55Go.
16:56Bye.
16:57Oh, well done.
16:58Seems to have made a difference, doesn't it? And it's just a matter of...
17:03Oh, God, no.
17:04What's the matter now, then?
17:05I think my back's gone. I'm afraid it does this from time to time, damn thing. Turn to
17:19one, it's that archery practice set it off.
17:21Oh, God. I don't think I can get up off the floor.
17:27Well, let me give you a hand.
17:30No, no, no, please. It's no use. I can't.
17:33Oh, my God, what's happened? Is he dead?
17:36Unfortunately not. If he was, we could move him. His back's gone.
17:42I'll call an ambulance.
17:45Oh, that'll be no use. They can't do a thing for backs, hospitals. I'll ring for an osteopath.
17:52There's one my brother uses. It's going to be all right. A couple of sharp snaps and
17:59she'll soon have you altered again. Only don't try and move anything.
18:22You haven't seen those earrings about, have you?
18:42What earrings? You're feeling a bit better now, are you? Evidently.
18:47Yes. Seem to be. Funny, really. Since Andrea came. Oh, it's such a tonic, seeing how she's
18:54grown up and matured and everything. From what she was in those days to what she is now.
19:00Well, it so easily could have gone the other way. Oh, and that little kiddy of hers, couldn't
19:06you just eat him?
19:10Not on top of the kippers, no.
19:14I'm very taken with that garden nomobiles. The only thing I could use to get him to stop crying.
19:19What? Look, I put them on the tray inside the cotton wool. You brought the thing down.
19:26What did you do with them? Sorry?
19:29They're not in the paddle bin. I mean, what did you do with all the leftovers that were
19:34lying about on the... Oh, God, no, Victor.
19:40What? Not the waste disposal.
19:43Sorry? You didn't. Not my mother's pair of earrings.
19:49Um, I don't remember.
19:54You don't remember? Forget me.
19:59That's it. Tomorrow morning, I'm going back to work.
20:04I'm going back to work for a bloody rest.
20:09Well, we all make mistakes from time to time.
20:22Oh, yes. I certainly made one 35 years ago.
20:39Oh. Sorry, did I wake you?
21:02It's all right, Mr Muldry. I'm afraid I'm a bit of a light sleeper.
21:07I'm sorry the osteopath couldn't get here till the morning.
21:11But she did say she'd try and get round first thing.
21:14I hope so, Mr Muldry.
21:21Yes. I hope so, too.
21:45Ah. Oh, thank God.
21:49Good morning. I'm sorry to disturb you so early, but I understand you've got...
21:53Yes. No, that's fine. Come on in. Just through there. It's all yours.
21:57I'll leave you to it if you don't mind.
22:00Sure. Thanks so much.
22:16Um, is it this one on the floor?
22:20Sorry?
22:22Is it the one on the floor?
22:24Of course the one on the floor.
22:26Who else is bloody well down there?
22:30Right. I'm off to the cleaners now. I'll just get the bus because it stops right outside the door.
22:42You were right. He's given them away to anyone who asks.
22:45He just pointed me towards it. He goes, it's all yours.
22:48What did I tell you? He'd buy me as the Pope's Catholic.
22:51Come on, quick, before he changes his mind.
22:56The car keys are just in the hall here, if you want to take it.
23:17Victor!
23:31God almighty.
23:38Now, before you say anything, don't say anything.
23:42I managed to get them both back eventually after a very long and unpleasant argument, and the rat catches rest.
23:49Six bloody pints of Guinness apiece, it cost me.
23:53Well, they eventually saw reason, so don't start up, all right, because I am not in the mood.
24:06What was that for?
24:09I've just read it in the paper.
24:11Read what in the...
24:14Oh, I forgot that came today.
24:18Sorry.
24:20I thought perhaps you might never find out about it.
24:24What does that say in there, then?
24:27It says the police are still looking for the emotionally disturbed girl who escaped from a remand home last Wednesday.
24:39They think she's probably the same one who abducted a little baby boy from his parents' garden two days ago.
24:49I rang that incident room number up yesterday afternoon, told them she'd been here.
24:57Sorry, Margaret, I know how much she meant to you.
25:00Yes.
25:02Well, that's not really her fault.
25:07That's what happens when you don't get a decent start in life.
25:12She took the pearl earrings as well, didn't she?
25:22And you would never have said a thing.
25:26Well, I've taken the blame for every other disaster this week.
25:31I didn't think one more would make any difference.
25:35PHONE RINGS
25:40Hello. It's Mr Meldrew, is it?
25:43Look, if someone's told you I'm giving away free video recorders, you're wasting your time.
25:47Sorry. I'm Mrs Ashcroft.
25:50It was our baby that was stolen the other day.
25:52And I gather it's thanks to your information the police managed to pick up that girl just round the corner from here.
25:58And we just wanted to pop by and say...
26:01Well, words can't express it, can they?
26:04Now that we've got him back, it's just...
26:07Thank you very, very much from me and my husband.